Hello, I'm an assistant editor providing writing advice. SN specializes in superhero writing advice, obviously, but most of the advice here applies to fantasy and sci-fi as well.

I’ve always had great respect for figures like Dr. Doom, Dr. Impossible, Paingod, Lex Luthor and others, though not because of anything they have done. Of course, they haven’t done anything, besides getting repeatedly kicked around the block by their antagonists.  I respect them because it takes a very special sort of person to twirl one’s mustache (metaphorically speaking) and declare that you are finally invincible, just like the last 100 times except that you mean it this time.

Obviously, I am not that sort of person. For one, I don’t have a mustache and have never written quippy threats well.  In fact, I’ve never done any sort of writing well, as you might have surmised from my virtually empty author category. My poor writing skills do not disappoint me; I got a M.S. in biochemistry from an university you’ve probably heard of, and I play the piano, so there. And, most importantly, I’m very inquisitive. For example, I did not passively accept the suggestion from my press consultant that I change “an university” to “a university” or “a M.S.” to “an M.S.” [I'm right on this-- B. Mac]

I’ve always used an before words that start with vowels and a for words that start with consonants. But other project contributors quickly confirmed that “an university” is wrong because “it just feels wrong.”

It just feels wrong.

Which leads me to my mission statement (hopefully you’ll understand the connection I’m attempting to draw). [Actually, I don't. I'd recommend a revision. If you're trying to draw some sort of parallel between the a/an issue and you feeling that some aspect of humanness "just feels wrong" despite what one has been taught to the contrary, please be more explicit.-- B. Mac]

“Oh, come on, being human is overrated.”
–Mark Penn, a leading pollster for Senator Clinton

“No, it’s really not. However, if you’d like to propose a trade, I’m all ears.”
–Catastrophe

“Compared to what? I’ve got some ideas.”
–Jacob Mallow

“Mr. Penn, you just won the gator vote, but isn’t it a bit late to pander to Florida?”
–Agent Orange

“What does the ‘B’ stand for in B. Mac?”

Our staffers have some theories.

“Bombing.”

–Cadet Davis

“Bumptious.”

–Jacob

“Awesome.”

–O.J. [I wonder who's going for a raise-- B. Mac]

Interesting theories, but the correct answer is that the ‘B’ stands for ‘BMacalicious.’

Bill Buckley died today. (He authored God and Man at Yale, which inspired the Superhero Nation chapter title “Gods and Supermen at Yale”). We weren’t very close; in fact, he was something like my archenemy. However, he was as good an adversary as anyone could hope for, unless you’re able to get Bernard Lewis.

Many Powerline forum-goers support Alaska Senator Sarah Palin as McCain’s VP pick. Picking her would make my vote decision a very easy one, by virtue of my First and Only Rule of Voting: I refuse to vote for anyone better-looking than I am.

Miss Wasilla 1984

Agent Orange, our mutated alligator, provides us this unusual spin on a recent anecdote that American troops lack ammunition in Afghanistan.

An Army captain, possibly disgruntled because he’s doing a 2nd lieutenant’s job*, has claimed that his unit ran out of ammunition and had to forage from hostile forces. However, the mammalian-skewed media (MSM) has missed the broader point that life is decidedly more productive and interesting without guns. Although humans are not well-endowed with claws and their teeth are hardly elegant masterpieces of life-ending prowess, the advantages of even synthetic claws and dental pointyification are obvious.

1. Proven effectiveness: V for Vendetta, Star Wars, Crocodile Dundee 1-8, and the Boxer Rebellion all prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that firearms are completely ineffective against melee combatants. In Reign of Fire, the Kentucky National Guard kills a dragon (you can stop laughing now) with an axe.
2. Interoperability and combined arms synergies: when a supercriminal and I are slicing-and-dicing the hell out of each other, friendly-mammals like Agent Black are usually too scared to open fire on the two of us. (Mammals). If Black actually had a useful weapon, we would be able to fight together better.

There are, however, operational costs to be considered for a government-wide move to melee weaponry. Blah, blah, operational costs. There are more benefits, too. For example, staging suicides would make the work of government spokesmen considerably more enjoyable and fresh. “Hitler committed suicide by claw today.” Try saying that without smiling.

*Cadet Davis adds: Senator Obama’s Army Captain was probably referring to a platoon he had once led as a lieutenant.

I don’t mean to demean the risks of a terrorist attack or chain-saw murder spree, but Americans have generally discounted the threat of a death by face-leech. There are worse deaths than a face-leeching, but most involve IRS audits.  And blenders.

–Agent Orange

Becoming a Professional Writer

1. NEW: Eight Facts About Writing That Surprise Young Novelists
2. NEW: Another Eight Facts About Writing That Surprise Young Novelists

How to Improve Your Characters

1. How to Name Characters (Superheroes and Otherwise)
2. How to Develop Interesting Characters– Easily!
3. A List of Character Attributes
4. Writing Male Characters
5. Please Don’t Model Your Characters on Your Friends
6. Don’t Make Your Villains Unnecessarily Evil
7. Why Secret Origins Usually Fail (“Leia’s my sister!?!”)
8. How to Make Your Character’s Job Interesting
9. How to Use Characters with Mental Disorders
10. Don’t Let Minor Characters Steal the Show
11. How to Make a Character Likable
12. Please Don’t Use Generically Nice Characters
13. Writing Villains Vs. Writing Heroes
14. How to Make Your Love Interest a Real Character (Banana Slug)
15. Be Careful With Crying Characters (Marissa)
16. Which Female Characters Are The Most Awful and Why?

Don’t Let These Characters Kill Your Manuscript

1. Mentors
2. Mary Sues (idealized, superpowerful versions of the author)
3. Part-Time Dragons (characters that freely change between species)
4. Homo Superiors (characters that are “like human but better”)
5. Immortals
6. Children

How to Improve Your Titles

1. 10 Words that Will Probably Ruin Your Title
2. 10 Common Mistakes of Novel Titles
3. How to Write Titles That Sell (Novels and Chapters)
4. Your Title is Bad, But You Can Fix It (Part 1)
5. Your Title is Bad, But You Can Fix It (Part 2)
6. Your Title is Bad, But You Can Fix It (Part 3)
7. Your Title is Bad… (Part 4)
8. Your Title is Bad… (Part 5)
9. Your Title is Bad… (Part 6)
10. Your Title is Bad… (Part 7)
11. Your Title is Bad… (Part 8 )
12. Your Title is Bad… (Part 9)
13. Your Title is Bad… (Part 10)

Structuring Your Story

1. How to Survive to Page 2
2. Writing a Novel’s Synopsis
3. How to Handle Backstory
4. How to Do Multiple Narrators and POVs With Style
5. How to Convey Information the POV Doesn’t Have
6. Be Careful with Sequels
7. How to Write Strong Introductions (Novels)
8. The Five Worst Novel Introductions
9. Don’t Wait to Introduce Your Main Character
10. Common Problems with First-Person Narration
11. Common Problems with Third-Person Narration
12. Organizing Your Plot: Five Kinds of Central Plots
13. Story Structure
14. Cover Your Plot Holes– It Might Be Hilarious

Plotting and Pacing

1. Start Your Story As Everything Goes Wrong
2. Make Your Story Interesting with Urgent Goals
3. Your Introduction Should Not Read Like an Atlas
4. Don’t Let Your Characters Walk Away from the Story
5. How to Make Traveling Interesting
6. How to Beat Disbelief and Immerse Readers
7. Plot Elements That Cannot Be Added Lightly
8. How to Avoid Info-Dumping
9. Training Scenes

How to Avoid Common Writing Mistakes

1. 5 Common Mistakes of First-Time Authors (Part 1)
2. 5 Common Mistakes of First-Time Authors (Part 2)
3. 5 Common Mistakes of First-Time Authors (Part 3)
4. 5 Common Mistakes… (Part 4)
5. 5 Common Mistakes… (Part 5)
6. 5 Common Mistakes… (Part 6)
7. 5 Common Mistakes… (Part 7)
8. 5 Common Mistakes… (Part 8 )
9. 5 Common Mistakes… (Part 9)
10. 5 Common Mistakes… (Part 10)
11. If You’re A First-Time Author, Do Not Self-Publish!

Dialogue

1. Avoid These Common Dialogue Mistakes
2. Don’t Use Bad Accents
3. Keep Your Dialogue Tight

Other Writing Mechanics and Miscellaneous

1. How to Beat Writer’s Block
2. NEW: Don’t Quit Your Day-Job!
3. How to Pace an Action Scene
4. How to Write Gripping Scenes
5. Write Concisely!
6. Eliminate Gimmicks in Your Writing
7. Don’t Abuse “There’s”
8. 9 Words That Should Never Start a Sentence
9. A Few Notes on Punctuation
10. Make Your Story Intriguing, Not Cryptic
11. A Writer’s Guide to Guns and Firearms
12. How to Do Settings and Scenery Well
13. Don’t Tell Readers What the Character Isn’t Doing

Genre Writing

1. Common Pitfalls of Romance (ReTARDised Whovian)
2. How to Make Your Love Interest a Real Character (Banana Slug)
3. How to Write Comedy
4. How to Write Parody (Tom)

Editing and Refining Your Work

1. How to Take Criticism Well
2. Applying “Rules” of Writing to Your Work
3. 100 Questions to Test Your Story
4. Style Checklist
5. How to Make the Most of Beta Reviews
6. How to Evaluate Your Writing with Google Analytics

Getting Published and Self-Publishing

1. What is a Query? How Do I Write One?
2. Sharpen Your Story With a Two Sentence Synopsis
3. More Two-Sentence Synopsis Tips
4. Marcus Hart Explains: How to Self-Publish
5. How Much Will It Cost Me to Self-Publish?
6. Why First-Time Authors Should Not Even Think About Self-Publishing
7. Why Self-Publishing Might Work for You
8. Which Comparable Works Make For The Best References?

Target Audience

1. How to Write for Kids (Tom)
2. How to Write for Kids (B. Mac)
3. Your Readers Are Not the Same as You!
4. Market Trends: Teen Literature is Selling Quite Well

Blogging

1. How to Monetize a Website: Ads or No Ads?
2. How to Format WordPress Text for Your Website
3. Organizing Your Site
4. You Can Do Better Than Archives
5. Edit Your Comments!
6. Don’t Pull Rank On Your Readers!

Marketing

1. How to Design Strong Header Art

Authorial Mindsets

1. Mental Issues in the Workplace
2. Think Like an Editor (Marissa)

Social Commentary in Fiction

1. So You Want to be an Opinionated Author
2. Writing About Racism
3. How Valid is Diversity Criticism?

Did this index help?  Please submit it to Stumble!

Creating Superhero Characters

1. List of Superpowers
2. How to Give Your Superhero A Day Job
3. Common Superhero Day Jobs, Part 1
4. NEW: Common Superhero Day Jobs, Part 2
5. Superhero Creation Questionnaire
6.  How to Create Weaknesses for Your Superhero
7. How to Name Superheroes
8. Modern Superhero Naming Conventions
9. Questionnaire for Nonhuman Characters
10.  Random Name Generator for Alternate Identities
11. Three Qualities of Solid Villains
12. NEW: How to Do Superhero Gadgets Well

Origin Stories

1. How to Write Origin Stories
2. Plausible Origin Stories
3. Why Secret Origins are Usually Awful
4. “Just Another Comics Blog” Argues Against Origin Stories

Five Common Mistakes of Comic Book Writers

1. Part One
2. Part Two
3. NEW: Five Superhero Plots that Need to Die

Other Advice for Comic Book Writers

1.  Experiment With Your Panel Layouts
2. Should You Write a Comic Book or a Superhero Novel?
3. Free Comic Book Scripting Software
4. Use the Ending of Each Issue to Sell the Next Issue
5. NEW: Make Your Recaps Stylish
6. Sketch Your Pages Before Sending Them to the Artist

The Mechanics of Writing a Superhero Story

1. How to Write Superhero Fight Scenes
2. How to Pick Superpowers that Make Your Story Work
3. Common Problems with Superstrong Heroes
4. Common Problems with Psychic Superheroes
5. Common Problems with Powersuited Superheroes (like Iron Man)
   

Marketing and Visual Issues

1. Easy-to-Fix Visual Design Problems for Superhero Characters
2. How to Make Your Story Less “Weird” and More Novel
3. Superhero Visual References: Boots
4. Superhero Visual References: Gloves
5. Superhero Novel Proposals:  How to Write the Comparable Works Section

Getting Published

1. Publishers That Accept Unsolicited Submissions
2. What Goes Into a Comic Book Submission?
3. A Few Tips on Submitting a Comic Book Script
4. How to Communicate With Editors

If this index helped you, submit it to Stumble!

Today we have a delightfully bizarre picture featuring TallyGator’s pet alligator and an awfully curious choice of nail-polish. I wonder what the gator thinks…

What’s the pencil for?

“Barack Obama will require you to work. He is going to demand that you shed your cynicism.”

–Michelle Obama, Senator Obama’s wife

Unemployed cynics of the world, unite!  We have nothing to lose but our political science degrees.

Agent Orange: I require meat assistance.

Wal-Mart cart-pusher: Uhh. I just push carts here.

Agent Orange: … (mammal).

Agent Orange: Take me to your greeter!

Wal-Mart greeter: Welcome to Wal-Mart, the home of Everyday Low Prices™!

Agent Orange: I see you sell Caribou Coffee here.

Greeter: That’s right.

Agent Orange: Could I get Caribou Coffee without the coffee?

Greeter: You mean…

Agent Orange: Caribou– that sweet and juicy culinary delight, ecstasy made flesh and sirloin.

Greeter: I, uhh, don’t think that we sell caribou. We have a special on uncured ham, $8.99 a pound.

Agent Orange: …

Agent Orange: For an infected product, that seems pretty expensive. What have you declined to cure your ham of?

Greeter: No, no. A cured ham is one that’s been glazed with honey.

Agent Orange: You cure your hams with honey?

Greeter: Right.

Agent Orange: Wrong! Using honey as a cure is like asking for Ebola. How much extra would it cost for meat that’s been given antibiotics?

Greeter: Maybe I should get my manager.

Agent Orange: And a lawyer, too. (Mammals).

The Defense Department reports that the US Navy successfully hit a dying US satellite with a missile.  I’m, uhh, not thrilled that we’re spending (sixty million) tax dollars to shoot down our own satellites, but at least we didn’t miss.  Heh.

Readers from Barbados, Macedonia and Latvia have put Superhero Nation’s nation-count at 100 nations.  Thanks.

Roughly 70% of our hits have come from the United States, including 20+ readers from every state except Wyoming.

By my count, we’re missing seven countries in the Western Hemisphere, three European countries, three Middle-Eastern countries, most of the states of Central Asia and all of Africa but five states.

“Supervillains,” “supercriminals,” or whatever else you weaklings want to call us tend to exaggerate our own intelligence. That is a mistake for two reasons.

1. No “supervillain” will be 100% successful. Losing to cretins from South Carolina and Ohio is bad enough, but it will only be more humiliating if you’ve claimed to be a supergenius.
2. If your accomplice claims to be the smartest man in the world, he thinks that he is smarter than you.  Unless you kill him immediately to preempt his eventual betrayal, you have proven him right.  Conversely, if you were to claim that you were the smartest man in the world, it would entice others to kill you.  Who’s smart now?

–Paingod

Superhero Nation is pleased to present Cadet Davis, our writing staff’s newest contributor.  He isn’t actually a cadet anymore, but we enjoy razzing him for that anyway.

Davis cares about writing elements like “structure” and “cohesion.”  We’ll have to work him out of that.  If the site suddenly becomes organized, you know who to blame.

Politically speaking, Davis has claimed to other contributors that “I know so much more about Democratic Party politics than [B. Mac] it’s scary.”  Lies!  Except for predicting in 2005 that Hillary Clinton would get smoked by Bill Richardson in the Democratic primary and that Dennis Kucinich would finally prove that he has been contacted by aliens, my predictions have been uncannily accurate.  Except for that whole being wrong thing.

Picture c/o TallyGator.

Picture c/o Kawaii Moogle.

Picture c/o Kwerf.

I think the market has underestimated Clinton’s chances in the state.  I’d give Hillary 20% to win it– the state is more demographically favorable for Clinton than most people realize.  Right now, you can buy contracts on CLINTON-WI at 14%.  I found Slate’s argument that the Clinton campaign will be competitive in WI to be pretty persuasive.

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Agent Black: I don’t think that you can say that mammals are more likely to drink alcohol because we are mammals.

Agent Orange: Really. Do you know any alcoholic alligators?

Agent Black: Unless there’s something you’re not telling me, no. In fact, I’ll check my black book, but I’m reasonably confident that there are no other reptiles in it.

Agent Orange: Probably because you’re a gator-hater. But, because I’m sober, I can forgive you for such mammalian insularity.

Agent Black: If I were as enlightened as you, perhaps I could forgive you for being a walking suitcase.

Agent Orange: Mammals.

‘Sup. I’m Wings, a Californian, a student, and a scatterbrained writer. I came to Superhero Nation for help with my superhero novel The Special, and its sequel, Doomsday.

I’m still working on getting the plot summary up, but here’s a little: From the outside, nothing seems unusual about remote Visvires Academy. However, the students beg to differ. Between fighting hypnotized students-turned-supersoldiers, outwitting a villainous principal, learning more about their powers, and keeping their grades up, Meg, Connor, Ian, and Darren have a helluva lot on their plates. And to think you thought high school was stressful before.

For more, it’s probably best right now if you read old posts by me. You’ll catch up to the plot and characters best that way.

Target Audience
I’m pretty flexible. However, for violence and several dark scenes, the over-thirteen range. I have a little romance and some tearful moments for girls, and PLENTY of violence for guys (and, if you’re a girl like me, girls too).

My Approach to Criticism
We fanfiction writers are notoriously light armored, but I’m tougher than most. Just try to be nice, okay?

The Works I’m Most Familiar With
The closest thing that I’m reading to a superhero work thus far is the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson. It’s rather confusing, but laugh out loud hilarious, especially in the last few books. I read almost all fantasy (anything with the word “dragon” in the title usually gets me) and I agree with Ragged Boy about the LOTR books, I didn’t like them much (though I might have enjoyed them more if my seventh grade teacher hadn’t made me read them).

Thanks for your help.

– Wings

See the comments below.  Thanks.

I could provide context, but why get in the way of Sam Jackson?

Referring to Daughtry, the official says, “I think Samuel L. Jackson said it best when he said ‘I’m sick of these mother fuckin’ snakes on this mother fuckin’ plane.’ It may be time to drive the snakes from the DNC.”

You can see the entire article here, but the site is probably not work-appropriate.

The Times has an interesting interactive poll today.  The question is “what was Britain’s biggest mistake?”

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Gator Golf

What could be greater than golf with a gator? Survival, for one.

Picture c/o Chazb.
(I highly recommend Poster Forge for free poster creation).

If you’ve got a gun under your pillow, I wouldn’t recommend reaching for it.

Bed picture c/o Zward. Gator picture c/o SparklesofDoom.

Picture c/o Wembly. I made a slight adjustment to the original picture that I can guarantee you won’t regret.

Not surprisingly, mammals usually drink beer when watching football.  If I had to root for a team like the Golden Gophers, I’d also want to drink myself into a stupor.

–Agent Orange, Superhero Nation’s resident mutated alligator (and football afficionado)

No joke; the captain of the Wheaton North Scholastic Bowl team was just on Teen Jeopardy.

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Ultimately, governments do two things: take taxes and kill things.  Do I look like I’m from the IRS?

–Agent Orange

Doctor:  Well, I’ve never seen any case remotely as exotic as this one.  But it could be worse.  Gregor Samsa turned into a cockroach.

Catastrophe:  You’re not helping.

Right now I’m working on a piece on character voice. What sort of character voices do you enjoy reading the most? What sort of character voice issues concern you the most when you are reading or writing? If you have any thoughts, please e-mail at superheronation… at…. gmail.com . (I’ll credit you unless you say otherwise).

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Catastrophe:  In Texas hold’em, a pocket pair of aces is known by many names, including “the rockets”, “a good time”, and “FINALLY”.

Captain Carnage: “Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms are not a bureau…they’re a fine night.”

Since I wrote yesterday, the value of an Intrade Romney bid to win the nomination has doubled to $.08, which means a 125:1 payout if it happens. (Remember, the payout for each winning share is $10).

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See comments below.

One of the Google searches that brought someone to Superhero Nation today was “why people don’t like their bankers.”  Hmm, this is a tough one…

Please see the comments below.

“Love demands infinitely less than friendship…” — George Nathan

“…but costs infinitely more.” — Agent Black

The Game: Awesome. Ridiculous. This will likely be the highest-watched Superbowl thus far.

The Show: I was elated to see that it was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, but it confuses and enrages me that “Won’t Back Down” and “Free-Falling” made the cut and “Last Dance with Mary Jane” did not (because it’s possibly narcotic?). After around five seconds of Free-Falling, I was ready for Tom Brady and the (New York) Heartbreakers.

The Ads: From bad to worse. I enjoyed a spot that featured salamanders dancing to Michael Jackson’s Thriller, but in an objective sense I realize that the ad is only funny to people that think that dancing salamanders are funny.

Best Use of Copyrighted Character: Terminators doing battle with the NFL robot guys to showcase the unbelievably bad Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Worst Use of Copyrighted Character: Hard to say, but probably the Coke (Pepsi?) commercial that used Stewie from Family Guy.

Best Use of Athlete: American Idol’s use of Ben Rothlisberger.

Second Best Use of Athlete: Chad Johnson in “Moment of Truth”.

In progress.

Some people see things that are and ask “why?”  But, at the Office of Special Investigations, we only care about who and where. — Captain Carnage

McCain is advertising on the International Society of Supervillains website.  I guess it’s because the New York primary is this Tuesday.

“If you don’t have enemies, you don’t have character.” — Paul Newman

“If you do have enemies, you’re not shooting fast enough.” — Captain Carnage