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Given that Superhero Nation suggests that “the Tunuska event” was not a meteor hitting the Earth but actually a botched alien invasion, we should probably note that it hit Siberia 100 years ago today. Excellently, that gives us 6 years of empty space to fill in what the aliens were doing before they started WWI.

After 1908, 1912 is probably my favorite year. The US finally adds a 48th state (Arizona), the Titanic sinks, the Red Sox beat New York to win the World Series in what may be the finest game of baseball ever played, the Marines land on Cuba, and a “meteor” hits Holbrook, Arizona. If you don’t see the sinister connections between these events, don’t worry! It took us a book to parse our way through the web of lies.

I found this list of Navy slang pretty funny. Here are some choice Navy phrases…

• Bullet Sponge: U.S. Marine.
• Cleaning Stations: Hour-long field day evolution where everyone drops what they’re doing and cleans their spaces. See “XO’s Happy Hour.”
• Corpsman Candy: Sore-throat lozenges handed out at sick bay in lieu of any substantive treatment. Sometimes accompanied by two aspirin.

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FIRST COMIC — NEXT COMIC

FIRST COMIC — NEXT COMIC

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This short article will help beginning novelists avoid another five common mistakes that will usually cause publishers to throw out a manuscript.

You can see the first two articles in this series here and here.

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NEXT COMIC

NEXT COMIC

UPDATE: I forgot to leave an artist’s tag, but the drawings of Agent Black and Agent Orange were done by Polawat Darapong.

This short article will help beginning novelists avoid another five common mistakes that will usually cause publishers to throw out a manuscript.

This article is a sequel to “Five Mistakes of First-Time Novelists,” which you can read here.

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I don’t trust anyone that calls himself a “superhero.” The only difference between a “superhero” and a “supervillain” is that the villain’s been caught.

–Paingod

This short article will help beginning novel-writers avoid five common mistakes that will usually cause publishers to throw out a manuscript.

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We had originally planned to launch it today, but unfortunately Paypal is stalling us. Rather than sit around waiting, I’ve drawn up scripts for our first five comics and the initial reviews have been very favorable.

I’m new to this sort of writing, but I’ve read through all the entries for “Your Webcomic is Bad and You Should Feel Bad” to help avoid common mistakes. On the plus side, I think we’ve already gotten past problem #1: terrible art.

Andrew Burt, one of the leaders of the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America, is offering a survey on reading habits.  Please do writers a favor and give us 5-10 minutes of your time.  Thanks!

Discovery Channel covered the discovery of a cave full of ancient Egyptian shipping cords.

Amazingly, these ropes were stored in the same way as nowadays sailors store their shipping cords — just coiling and tighting them in the middle,” archaeologist and rope analyst Andre Veldmeijer told Discovery News.

I imagine that his kids somehow fake illness to get out of Take Your Kids to Work Day.

This article will help you identify and eliminate potential gimmicks in your writing. For example, Gadsby was written without the letter ‘E.’ This is the ultimate gimmick, an attempt by an author to try something new that ends up rubbing readers the wrong way. Remember, you’re writing a book, not playing Scrabble.
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Within a week, Superhero Nation will launch a trial run at a Monday-Wednesday-Friday webcomic.   We may offer observations about web-comic writing and design, but probably not often.

Agent Orange: Greetings, Mammal-Black! As the director of Human Resources, it is my responsibility to attract recruits and convince them to join our Special Investigations team.

Agent Black: By raising wages and cutting workloads?

Agent Orange: Your mammalian humor fills me with mirth, as always. I simply tell the recruits what we already offer: obscene amenities.

Agent Black: Obscene amenities? What are those?

Agent Orange: Umm, well, damn. I thought you would know. It was in the Washington Post. I assumed it was a mammal thing.

Agent Black: I don’t know what mammals you’re hanging around. How have recruits been reacting to the obscene amenities pitch?

Agent Orange: The first one ran out of here like his tail was on fire.

Agent Black: He had a tail?

Agent Orange: Err… no. Unless you humans have been holding out on me, no. It’s just an expression.

Agent Orange, everybody’s favorite mutated alligator, offers this comparison of dogs and gators as pets.

Why should you buy a gator? For the same reasons that buying a dog makes you look foolish and weak.

When a human buys a Chihuahua, he is saying “I value the company of small and conspicuously useless mammals.” Not surprisingly, his friends will quickly surmise that he thinks of them as small and useless. This is why Chihuahua-owners rarely have friends. Conversely, anyone who befriends a gator boldly declares that his taste and judgment of character are nothing less than superlative. That is why even walking a gator down to the park will garner the respect and awe of nearby humans. Also, everybody loves gator parties.

Anyone who does not like gators is probably an idiot, a Louisianan or a drug dealer. Since you do not want to meet any of those people, a “Beware of Gator” sign is sure to make your home a friendlier and happier place. In fact, the only better thing for your home is a “Beware of Gators” sign. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

In addition to drug dealers and Louisianans, gators will protect you from squirrels. These predatory vagrant-mammals lurk in public areas, hoping that their bushy tails will distract you long enough to attack. Too often, this ruse is successful. That’s why violent crime rates are highest in cities, the areas typically hardest hit by squirrels. Fortunately, gators are wise to the squirrel threat. This is why squirrels will never approach a gator.

Gators will also protect humans from their worst instinct: playing golf. Golf-playing may stem from the mammalian affinity for holes (also demonstrated by the obsessive digging tendencies of gophers, squirrels and Boston). However, it is a peculiarly human trait to see a hole and think that it would be enjoyable to hit a ball into it. Fortunately, gators are a natural and 100% effective cure for this defect. This is why the presence of an alligator on a golf course immediately causes all play to cease. This also explains why golf course owners hate gators so much.

I’m tempted to add some snarky comment about unemployment causing Mewtwo to cling to guns…

Picture taken from Path-e-tech-graphics.

Agent Orange: Greetings, Mammal-Black! I require your expertise.

Agent Black: Tax trouble again?

Agent Orange: Indeed. Your former colleagues at the IRS persist in their shameless schemes to extort me.

Agent Black: And did this vendetta against you begin before or after you insisted on paying your income taxes in pennies?

Agent Orange: That wouldn’t have seemed unreasonable if they hadn’t demanded so much money!

In Article 1, Section 8, the Constitution lists Congress’ authority to establish copyright protection for authors before its authority to declare war or raise an army, but after its power to establish a post office. Go figure!

Nintendo needs to make a Wii Fit zombie game.  It would mix hand exercises (hacking at zombies with a fire-ax) with aerobics (RUN!).  Plus, the game could work in Eternal Darkness’s insanity effects by having the Wii Fit board wobble to simulate the world going funky on you.

–Cadet Davis

Agent Orange, the mutated alligator, sought to name himself and was deliberating between Gain and Accumulation. Agent Black not so subtly steers him away from the latter. I was reminded of that exchange when I learned that “Increase” was actually the name of a prominent American reverend in colonial times. Go figure!