Jul 02 2010
Our RSS Feed- The Batman: what were they thinking (1.5 stars out of 5)The Batman was terrible. If youāre mainly watching this for comedic potential, Iād get as many Spanish-speakers or gringos as you can find, and letās learn about the difference between āelā and ālaā with Batman. āThereās a spectacularly strange scene where Batman tries interrogating Riddler and Riddler bursts into a soprano rendition of Ave Maria. […]
- Suicide Squad sequel: 2.5 stars out of 5, far improved over originalāThereās intense violence but not a lot of feeling here. Itās not a very exciting movie. But itās functional. Itās frequently tedious but rarely boring. Only the political sermons and Weasel are viciously bad. Itās definitely a huge improvement over the first movie. āMost of what sucked about Suicide Squad 1 was an overfocus on […]
- Hour 1 of Justice Leagueās Snyder Cut, Scene By Scene1:30 ā 6:55: Cyborg sees his Mother Box acting up. Then Mera sees her Mother box acting up. Then Amazon guards see their Mother Box acting up. Also thereās a Lex Luthor flashback where the computer shows him that Mother Boxes are plot relevant in case you missed that. PS: In the first 8 minutes […]
- 2020: Even Wonder Woman Lets Us DownāWonder Woman 1984 is not nearly as good at the original. Pluses: the cast is still very charming, and a few of the fight scenes are effective. I did actually like most of the first hour of the movie. āSetting: In the original Wonder Woman, the WWI setting contributes to a hard bleakness which effectively […]
- Captain Marvel Review: 1.5 Stars Out of 51. I donāt know where to start with Captain Marvel. So many things went so wildly wrong that weād need a presidential commission to get to the bottom of it. Itās like the Chernobyl of superhero movies. 2. If at any point you feel like your action movie would benefit from a character whose main […]
- Spider-Man: Far From Home Review (1 star out of 5)1. This version of Spider-Man is a useless toolbox who actively avoids doing interesting things, and what he does attempt is usually wimpy and/or incompetent. 2. Unlike most main characters, his choices donāt matter much. For example, he chooses to leave his supersuit at home (but his aunt sneaks it in anyway) and he tries […]
- Rotten Tomatoes Score Dataset UpdatedWeāre up to 72 superhero movies since 2000 (current as of November 2017). You can download the full data here. Some observations: Ā R movies are making up the quality gap with PG-13 movies. Superhero movies are improving. Over the last 5 years (2013-2017), the average superhero movie is averaging 70% on Rotten Tomatoes, up […]
- The Batman: what were they thinking (1.5 stars out of 5)
Hmm. This has a few formatting issues, but nonetheless I found it dangerously amusing.
I’m going to remove phrases like “(he/she) must convince (himself/herself),” because they look horribly awkward. I’ll see if randomly generating a gender is possible, but if not I’ll change it to masculine pronouns across the board. (Feel free to mentally substitute in “she” and “herself,” of course).
I think we can come up with a way that all the (a)s get turned turned into ‘a’s, and that they only come up when grammatically appropriate.
I suspect the ‘a’ vs. ‘an’ errors will remain. Maybe PM can come up with a magical solution that changes the ‘a’ in “a [adjective] accountant” to an ‘an’ whenever the given adjective starts with a vowel, but personally I don’t think mixing up ‘a’ and ‘an’ is a major problem.
“After getting insulted by New Guinea, a British agent with major commitment issues must disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday.”
That works.
After getting cheated on by New Guinea, (a) grade-schooler with a penchant for mischief and grand larceny must kill everybody involved.
XD Wrong…
“Why are they always about Richard Nixon? o_o”
The program is just as likely to pick Richard Nixon as any other protagonist. There’s a lot of repetition, though, because there aren’t all that many choices for each category.
The good news is that P. Mac will update the code to expand each of the categories later this week:
–Incitements: from 19 -> 32
–Antagonists: from 19 -> 35
–Protagonists: from 40 -> 55
–Goals: from 20 -> 44
–Adjectives: from ~40 -> ~80
I won’t belabor the numbers unless you’re interested, but if you generate 5 plots, you only have a 14% chance of getting a unique incitement, antagonist, protagonist, and goal each time.
After getting brained by (a) improbably anti-American businessman, (a) improbably anti-American publisher’s assistant must leave a trail of bodies that makes the beaches of Normandy look like Candyland.
……Lolwut.
After getting magically turned into a man-eating llama by a lone gunman, the new kid at school must convince his new driver that brakes aren’t for wusses.
…okay, yeah, I’m gonna write this. This story NEEDS to be written.
“After getting thrown into a wood-chipper by (a) improbably badass businessman, (a) improbably badass dinosaur must discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book.”
…huh? Sounds weird. š
“(a) improbably badass dinosaur must discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book” –> It works if you use “race” like fantasy authors do, as a synonym for “species.” So we’re apparently talking about a businessman throwing a lovelorn dinosaur into a woodchipper… in Middle-Earth!
After getting brutally murdered by rogue elements of the Brazilian government, (a) priest must convince the American people that Lady Gaga is actually Phase 3 of an alien invasion.
“After getting forced to read Twilight by an unusually violent pizza boy, a nefarious but occasionally helpful assistant editor must kill everybody involved.” Uncanny!
After getting humiliated by Jerry Bruckheimer, Dan Brown must save the President from a superpowered assassin, The Jackalope. .
“After getting disowned by somebody that believes (himself/herself) to be a Greek (god/goddess), (a) brusque but lovable accountant that hates alligators must destroy all the evidence.”
Mkay.
“After getting disowned by (a) roguish sorcerer, (a) roguish politician must convince the American people that Lady Gaga is actually Phase 3 of an alien invasion.”
Oh my gosh, I am still laughing really hard about this. My sides hurt! XD
“After getting magically turned into a man-eating llama by the evil twin of Richard Nixon, a (a) contemptible but romantic politician with a Ph. D. in pain must return to his home-world.”
XD
“After getting forced to read Twilight by a Playboy centerfold working for Jerry Bruckheimer, (a) totally screwed mailman must return to his home-world.”
Lolwut?
“After getting kidnapped by Ron Paul, a long-forgotten dinosaur must leave a trail of bodies that makes the beaches of Normandy look like Candyland.”
“After getting disowned by rogue elements of the Brazilian government, a melancholy porn star must disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday.”
“After getting cheated on the lovelorn ghost of Martin Luther King Jr., a British agent with major commitment issues must kill everybody involved.” Or get an exorcist or something.
After getting hired by (a) long-forgotten businessman, (a) long-forgotten student that needs better adult supervision must convince Mossad that he’s not a terrorist, just a Dell customer.
After getting thrown into a wood-chipper by a Playboy centerfold working for a Playboy centerfold working for (a) improbably badass sorcerer, (a) repulsive scientist that should have known better must woo the love interest without getting busted for stalking or sexual harassment.
After getting cheated on by a lone gunman, (a) implausibly heterosexual hitman must disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday.
Btw, who’s P. Mac?
P. Mac is our technical expert.
K.
“After getting brutally murdered by a traitorous (a) melancholy plastic surgeon, (a) improbably anti-American hitman must channel the soul of Chuck Norris to kick ass and take names.”
XD
“After getting fired by a Playboy centerfold working for a traitorous (a) shifty accountant that hates alligators, (a) wannabe athlete must kill everybody involved.”
A shifty accountant that hates alligators?! DOES HE HATE FREEDOM?
“‘After getting fired by a Playboy centerfold working for a traitorous & shifty accountant that hates alligators, a wannabe athlete must kill everybody involved.ā A shifty accountant that hates alligators?! DOES HE HATE FREEDOM?” Haha! 1) Probably. 2) Do the alligators think that the supermodel is a Mossad assassin? Double points in this case: one of the alligators is wearing a Marlins shirt, so maybe he counts as a wannabe athlete, and killing everybody involved is basically a given for a detective story.
It’s always a Mossad assassin. Especially when you don’t think it’s the Mossad. The guy trimming your garden? Mossad. Door-to-door missionaries? Nope, it’s the Mossad.
I heard they rigged a telephone in a Spanish hotel to explode just so they could kill a Nazi.
I also heard that someone in the Israeli side of my family was in the Mossad… but we don’t talk about that guy.
There’s a little alligator too now! There’s more of them!
“I also heard that someone in the Israeli side of my family was in the Mossadā¦ but we donāt talk about that guy.” Given his employer, I’m guessing he would appreciate that. š
…
“There’s a little alligator too now! There’s more of them!” The fan artist asked if there were any other characters Gain might joke with about Gary, and I told him that tentatively Gain might have a nephew or something. Apparently the nephew is an elite sand artist and (not surprisingly) can name a group who may plausibly want to kill Gary. (Not surprising because everybody wants to kill Gary).
…
The sand art is a lot taller than the artist. He must have some awesome shovel skills.
That nephew definitely has some skills. I must admit, I am jealous. If I could do anything with sand art I would use it as an excuse to go to the beach every 20 minutes. But alas, here I am, drowning in chemistry. Unfortunate life choices indeed…
“Especially when you donāt think itās the Mossad.” MAYBE THE PRE-SCHOOL NEPHEW IS MOSSAD. The sand castles give him an excuse to loiter for hours without drawing suspicion.
“After getting cheated on by a streetwise sorcerer, the fast-living ghost of Martin Luther King, Jr. must save the President from a superpowered assassin, The Jackalope.”
I smell a bestseller!
Friendly reminder that they/them/their as singular gender neutral pronoun has been perfectly acceptable grammar for hundreds of years and also doesn’t leave out nonbinary characters! Thank you
Although I think “After getting fired by a lone gunman, (a) vengeful dinosaur must land a role in the school play” is the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.
“Friendly reminder that they/them/their as singular gender neutral pronoun has been perfectly acceptable grammar for hundreds of years…” I feel that using a plural pronoun (e.g. “they” or “them”) for a single subject could be awkward, particularly in a sentence that uses a noun which actually is plural. For example, “The generals know that every Marine will carry their weight and more” makes it sound like the Marines are carrying the generals’ weight because the generals are the only plural noun in the sentence.
“After getting cheated on by a renegade sorcerer, a British agent with major commitment issues must woo the love interest without getting busted for stalking or sexual harassment.”
Somehow… this makes sense… OMG It works!
“After getting transmogrified by (a) love-lorn sorcerer, (a) love-lorn Army Captain lost in time and space after World War II must land a lucrative contracting…” job? “…before the publisher realizes the author is actually Chris Paolini.”
“After getting fired by the evil twin of (a) washed-up inventor, (a) cunning academic who is not at all Dan Brown must discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book.”
“After getting disowned by a Playboy centerfold working for Ron Paul, (a) sadistically hypochrondriac New York Times columnist must avenge (himself/herself) by becoming a renegade FBI agent.”
“After getting impaled on a national landmark by somebody that believes (himself/herself) to be a Greek (god/goddess), (a) drug-addicted Air Force communications officer must convince Mossad that he’s not a terrorist, just a Dell customer.”
“After getting kidnapped by West Virginia’s Postmaster General, (a) roguish hitman must disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday.”
The above are example of ‘I have absolutely no idea what is happening’.
“After getting insulted by a traitorous (a) priest, (a) fast-living accountant that hates alligators must convince his new driver that brakes aren’t for wusses.”
“After getting disowned by a drunken cabbie, (a) long-forgotten student that needs better adult supervision must return to his home-world.”
And these two make sense, but are included because they’re kinda funny. Seriously it’s pretty entertaining seeing what comes up. Such entertaining story ideas. And good challenge would be see if someone can take the first idea that comes up and then give them a day to plan and write a short story on it. That would be entertaining.
” āAfter getting fired by the evil twin of (a) washed-up inventor, (a) cunning academic who is not at all Dan Brown must discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book.ā This actually does sound like a Dan Brown plot (minus the racial minority angle). Incidentally that doesn’t make it sound any less ridiculous.
“After getting humiliated by the CIA, a deranged New York Times columnist must kill everybody involved.” Paul Krugman, call your lawyers.
“After getting victimized by a traitorous (a) fast-living (a) long-forgotten New York Times columnist with a lamentable addiction to murder, (a) repulsive (a) repulsive (a) fast-living (a) long-forgotten New York Times columnist with a lamentable addiction to murder with a lamentable addiction to murder with a lamentable addiction to murder must destroy all the evidence.”
I think I might have found a bug.
The bug here is that it doesn’t know to pick a new attribute rather than use it again. Some of the antagonist phrases include an adjective (sometimes multiple) and all of the protagonists include at least one, and I think it’ll always be the same adjective used. I didn’t code it, sorry. š
“After getting impaled on a national landmark by a Playboy centerfold working for somebody that believes (himself/herself) to be a Greek (god/goddess), (a) precocious Army Captain lost in time and space after World War II must land a lucrative publishing contract before the publisher realizes the author is actually Chris Paolini.”
…I’m trying to decide which aspect of this one is my favorite. xD
“After getting thrown into a wood-chipper by rogue elements of the Brazilian government, a blind rapper that doesn’t know he’s Caucasian must return to his home-world.” Caucalien?
“After getting magically turned into a man-eating llama by rogue elements of the Brazilian government, a long-forgotten athlete must kill everybody involved.” PELE HOW COULD YOU
After getting brutally murdered by a master businessman, a grade-schooler with a penchant for mischief and grand larceny with a Ph. D. in pain must avenge (himself/herself) by becoming a renegade FBI agent.” I think I met this guy once.
“After getting hired by a shadowy conspiracy apparently involving the Catholic Church and Jay-Z, (a) implausibly heterosexual cop must disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday.”
This is great! š