Dec 10 2008
Surviving to Page 2
Many manuscripts get nixed on the first page. Here are a few things that publishers want to see early on.
1. Is it easy to read through? If your first page introduces many characters, fictional words, place names and the like, the story is probably a slog. If your first page is hard to understand, your manuscript is dead on arrival.
2. “Do I care about this story?” The easiest way to make a reader care is to give urgent, pressing goals to a likable protagonist. If nothing’s at stake, readers will probably find the story boring. If the reader doesn’t care on page one, your submission is in grave danger.
3. Does the author have a professional grasp of English? If the author has glaring grammar or punctuation problems on page one, they’re just going to assume you’re an amateur and move on to the next manuscript. Making a good first impression is important.
4. Does it look like the plot is going somewhere? If the first page gets bogged down in a geography lesson, or a winding prologue, or a lengthy exposition, the answer is probably no. Pacing the first page well is extremely important.
Hello. I’m new here and find your site incredibly informative. I have a book I have been working on for a few years now and would like some critique on my prologue. I’m not really sure of how a prologue is to be executed, but do know what I like in one. I tried to write mine in a manner that draws curiosity and compels the reader to want to continue. I believe I have done that, but I guess I’m nervous about what a publisher might think. Is there anywhere here that I could submit my prologue for some peer review? Thanks in advance.
sincerely,
/FM
Hello! I just put up a review forum for you so you can post your excerpts and get comments more easily.
Thanks for the tips. Actually, can I request a review forum as well? I’d like to share my story that I’m writing as well.
Sure. Here it is.
I’d like to have my passage reviewed by you guys. I don’t know how to do it though.
Umm, you can post it here or e-mail it to us at superheronation-at-gmail-dot-com . If you’d like a review forum, I can set that up for you.
I’ve visited your site regularly for months now and the information I’ve gathered here has proven to be invaluable in the creation of both my characters and the world in which they live. I noticed that you set up a review forum for several of your visitors and was hoping you could set one up for me as well. I’ve never let anyone read any of my work and I’m hoping for some criticism, constructive or otherwise, to help me iron out some of the things I feel I’m missing from my work. Thank you for amassing such an amazing collection of advice and information for inexperienced writers such as myself.
Hello, Kove. I’ve set up a forum for you here. Good luck!
So do you think that even if information about the world will be lost by not having a prologue it’s better to just start the story off and try to convey as much information as possible throughout the story?
Yes, Jeremy.
).
If I could offer a few additional opinions…
1) In most cases, I don’t think it’s much harder to develop a setting/premise by starting the story proper. Having the character available may help you make the story clearer to the reader and show how the protagonist ties into the premise. For example, if one of the main elements about your world is a mostly icy relationship conflict between humans and another species, you could probably flesh out the details of the relationship more effectively with a scene than with a prologue. In contrast, a prologue that describes the humans-dolphins conflict without using the main character would probably be flatter…
2) People read stories, not settings. As a prospective reader, I’m less interested in the setting than in how the main characters and their goals tie into the setting. I think readers will give you more leeway to take your time building up a setting if you are working in some interesting details about the character.
3) So far, the element of your story that strikes me as the most interesting is the idea of the priest in danger. I think it’s more important early on to establish that we should care about him. The other elements of the premise/setting, like the religious cult secretly bent on genocide, seem sort of secondary to that. As above, I think the more people care about the priest, the more they will want to learn about the cult endangering him.
4) Establishing that the character is interesting/likable and that we should care about him is not mutually exclusive with establishing the premise/setting. For example, maybe the man in trouble comes to Elead with his startling revelation because there’s something really unusual/interesting/distinct about Elead.
–Most obvious/least interesting: Elead strikes him as so honest/incorruptible that he’s the best person to turn to against an enemy with agents everywhere.
–The man didn’t come to Elead originally, but comes to the Church to meet up with someone else. The man gets stressed, waiting for his contact, but the contact never shows up. The man correctly guesses that the contact has already been killed and he’s soon to follow. He turns to Elead because he has no other options and because it’ll catch the enemy off-guard. (In this scenario, I’d recommend having Elead be proactive; have him greet the man and ask him what’s wrong and if there’s anything he can do to help. The more active he is, the more interesting he will probably come across).
–Elead impresses the man with some action, preferably something that sets Elead apart from other churchmen. For example, maybe Elead is a bit more streetwise and brave/adventurous than most of his peers–perhaps he really enjoys “unpleasant” churchwork like prison missionary work and preaching to drug addicts and/or other “undesirables.” If the man thought that Elead was his best chance, it’d make sense if it was because Elead showed a bit of toughness/bravery/steel. (Alternately, perhaps the man chooses Elead because he’s so sheltered/gentle that he’s the last man anyone would suspect*).
–Elead has a conflict or flaw the man finds appealing. For a conflict, perhaps he’s having trouble getting along with his bosses and/or the Heralds because he does something they don’t like. (For example, perhaps he speaks out vociferously against some questionable behavior they’re involved in, even though his bosses may find it “undiplomatic” to criticize another religious movement. After all, the Heralds are just philanthropists that want to help people experience the call to faith, right?
–For a flaw, pretty much anything could be appealing to the man with the disk under the right circumstances. Here are some flaws that might work:
Maybe the priest is TOO optimistic about human nature, which might be refreshing to a man that may have been betrayed and is about to be killed.
Maybe he’s TOO confident in the power of faith, which might be a plus in a situation as trying as this one. (If anyone is going to succeed, it’d probably be someone with an iron will and unshakable faith).
*Maybe he’s TOO sheltered/gentle, which might be a plus because he’s the last person the enemy will suspect. (This would also raise interesting obstacles for him to overcome).
Maybe he’s TOO trusting, and has only been involved in this anti-Herald counterconspiracy by accident, perhaps because the man took advantage of him. (For example, perhaps the man stashes the disc at the Church, figuring the priest is too unsuspecting to find anything amiss. The priest finds the disc and assumes that the man forgot them at Mass, so the priest leaves to return them, but finds only the man’s dead body).
Maybe he’s TOO traditional, and takes moral stances that are very old-school. For example, maybe he condemns tobacco use or something else that few readers would find nefarious. The man with the disk is probably neckdeep in shadiness, so he might not be particularly principled himself, but he might reason that if the priest won’t even smoke a cigarette for fear of defiling God’s image, there’s nothing they could do to turn him against humanity. Note: if you were interested in a character that’s too traditional, it would raise some likability issues for the protagonist, but they could be surmounted. Hell, even a serial killer could be likable given the right motivations.
PS: There’s nothing wrong with the idea of a nice protagonist receiving a mysterious quest from a soon-to-die stranger, but the plot might be a little bit more three-dimensional if the priest is getting played a bit, like using the church for safe-keeping or otherwise taking advantage of the priest’s kindness. It may be more believable and less contrived if the man’s initial plan was not to bet everything on a random priest carrying out a dangerous mission.
Alternately, if the priest IS chosen by the man (rather than the priest getting entangled through his own actions), I’d recommend having the priest get selected because of something he does that distinguishes him from other characters. It’ll make him more proactive than a passive Chosen One.
Hmm… Perhaps I need to work more on conciseness. Your original question was 39 words and I wrote more than 850.
Please, don’t! This is awesome. I didn’t take all of your advice, it wouldn’t be possible haha, but I reworked a lot of the story now and it feels a lot better. It’s more complex and I’m using an alternative beginning I had – I originally had doubts about including a prologue and have decided to go ahead without it.
I think Elead’s become a much more interesting character now and even though you don’t know the entire story (where would the fun be in that?
) your tips have helped me look at the plot & character(s) in a different way and really helped me out!
Thank you! I still feel like there are changes to make, as there always will be, but it feels a lot stronger than I knew it could be.
I did read the article on making characters likable and it has been helpful. Right now I’m struggling with trying to add a little bit of levity to the novel, but maybe that’s better left to the next “book” within the novel!
Yeah, I don’t get hung up on how much of my advice gets used. It’s always less than half. (Understandably–if I offered three potential solutions for something, at most one of those will get used).
Please feel free to let me know if you have any other questions.
Well a moderate amount is always best. Shows consideration rather than blind acceptance / disregard.
Thank you! I’ve emailed you
[...] graphic novels » Will Your Manuscript Survive to Page 20? “Assuming your manuscript has survived to page 2, here are some thoughts about how to keep a publisher’s assistant reading to page [...]
I’m trying to cut down on the opening, trying to find the exact amount of time to spend before introducing the co-protagonist, since I need to establish the protagonist first in an exchange with his dad. In an earlier draft, Finn enters at Page 5. Now it’s the end of Page 3. Is this okay, or should I condense it more, since it’s the main point of the opening scene?
I must say, I find your website really useful. Speaking as an aspiring writer, it has given me all sorts of ideas and guidelines which I can use to structure my stories (and even, to an extent, the articles I write!)
Just thought I’d let you know that you’re doing a great job
Thank you.
Hey, I’m new here. I really enjoy your website, and it’s very informative and useful. I was curious, do you know of any agents I could send a query letter of my book to?
“I was curious, do you know of any agents I could send a query letter of my book to?” I recommend Agent Query.
Alright, so I’ve gotten a little further. I am concerned, however, that the first chapter is too short. Typically, how long would you say a chapter should be?
“Alright, so I’ve gotten a little further. I am concerned, however, that the first chapter is too short. Typically, how long would you say a chapter should be?” Unless your chapter is EXTREMELY short (e.g. less than 500 words), I’d look at this more from the level of scenes than the level of chapters. Have you developed the scene(s) enough to serve their function in the plot and propel the story moving forward? If so, then I don’t think length would be an issue, even if you had a 750 or 1000-word chapter occasionally.
…
Typically, I think most chapters in adult novels are somewhere between 2000-6000 words, which would probably put you at around 20 chapters in a standard novel (let’s say ~80,000 words). But I don’t think it would be a problem if your chapter lengths differed significantly from the norm–it’d be very easy to change compared to a structural issue with the plot. (E.g. if the main character is not very interesting or likable, that would take a lot of time and skill to fix).
…So in my story I have two main characters. Each of them have their own chapters, which alternate. However, there is a third character who has a pretty big role. My problem is that he is almost entirely unknown, and the few parts he has with the main two do very little to develop his character. Now, I can’t change his role. My plan was to give him his own chapter every four or five chapters. But I didn’t know if this was a good idea. Please, I would appreciate help and advice.
P.S. My apologies if this wasn’t very coherent.
“I have two main characters. Each of them have their own chapters, which alternate. However, there is a third character who has a pretty big role. My problem is that he is almost entirely unknown, and the few parts he has with the main two do very little to develop his character. Now, I can’t change his role. My plan was to give him his own chapter every four or five chapters. But I didn’t know if this was a good idea. Please, I would appreciate help and advice.”
–I think having 3 point-of-view characters is definitely more of a challenge than having 2. I wouldn’t recommend going there unless you’re sure that the third POV adds something to the story created by the first two. I suppose the first issue is that the character is failing to develop himself through his interactions with the two main characters. My initial impression is that if the character isn’t developing himself in an interesting way in the time he’s currently getting, giving him more time on his own is more likely to detract from the story than develop it. I suspect that it would probably be more effective to change his role so that he does a better job developing himself (or, if he’s hiding something, developing a fake persona and/or hinting at what lies beneath the surface). If we cannot see the truth for whatever reason, I think it is critical that we get at least an interesting surface from a major character.
“Now, I can’t change his role.” Uhh… could you please elaborate on what’s going on here? By your own assessment, you have a character that’s not getting much development. He sounds very cryptic (not showing enough to engage readers) and not very interesting. If his role is indeed not very interesting, I think changing something about him (in concept and/or execution) would probably be advantageous–especially if he’s a point of view character. Personally, if I were evaluating a submission for a publisher, a point-of-view character that didn’t work for me would be sufficient to convince me that the story was probably not ready to go right now. Making him a POV really raises the stakes on whether he fits with the story.
Okay, all this makes sense. The third POV was a bad idea…I’ll just have to develop him more in context with the other two. Thanks again for the advice!
I don’t think it was a bad idea–just relatively challenging. Don’t beat yourself up over considering an unusual approach.
@B. McKenzie,
…So I told a friend about the site and he asked me to post an excerpt for him. Would you mind if I posted it here and got a review?
Sure, go for it.
…Sorry about the dots, didn’t know how I could indent.
…”So what do you think?” Yinsen asked as he examined a map pinned to the wall. He was an older man, at the age of sixty-five, which was reflected in his soft eyes. His long hair and his beard had turned white some time ago. The badge on his white lab coat read: YINSEN LAMBDIN, GAMMA COLONY HEAD.
…The man who had been asked the question was different in several ways. He was younger, about mid-thirties, and his hair was shaved jarhead style. He held the commanding presence of a military man, and his actions fit that presence. His sub-bionic prosthetic leg was currently plugged into a small generator under his desk, so he could charge it. A badge on his light armor read: AARON PACE, EPSILON COLONY HEAD.
…“I think I got stuck with the rejects again.” Aaron answered after reading a list of his next arrivals. “These are not the men and women I put in a request for.”
…Yinsen waved his complaints aside. “Oh, come on. Not all of them are that bad. You even got a scientist this time.”
…“Bah!” Aaron retorted, tossing the list aside. “What the hell good is a scientist to me?”
…“Just think of them as placeholders.” Yinsen pacified, “Until the next group comes.”
“You realize it’ll be a full year before we get another batch of volunteers?” Aaron asked.
…“You’re talking to the man who established this system.” Yinsen reminded him. “Trust me. I think you’ll like some of them.”
…Aaron grunted. “Unless they’re soldiers-”
…“Outcasts.” Yinsen corrected with a small smile. “Four of them. They’d been living in one one of the abandoned cities in Florida. I can’t remember the name…”
…“Tampa?” Aaron suggested. “Fort Lauderdale? Jacksonville?”
…“Spring Hill.” Yinsen told him.
…“There’s some tough stuff in Spring Hill.” Aaron replied, and followed with a moment of quiet thought. “Well, I don’t expect much but I’ll keep an open mind.”
…“That’s all I ask.” Yinsen said.
…This isn’t the only part with the characters, and they each get real personalities and backstories later. Also, they aren’t the main characters (two of the four are), but they come into play quite often, apparently. I maybe should have mentioned post-apocalypse/exodus to a new land.
I was also curious as to how I could avoid an info dump. My first thought was conversation (as in one character talking about the info), but could I pull this off in another way?
I think the first page should be more gripping and memorable, especially the first paragraph. Some possibilities: a better sense of what’s at stake, what they’re looking at on the maps, what the characters are like, etc.
I would recommend showing/implying more and telling less. For example, I think there are smoother possibilities for showing that Yinsen and Aaron are the heads of their colonies. (E.g. could you imagine a mayor needing to wear his name/title on a badge?) For example, that could come across in dialogue or perhaps narration more smoothly.
The description of Aaron Pace establishes that he’s military, but could go further. If he’s an important character at all, I would recommend mixing in some other characterization somewhere because he’s a bit one-dimensional here.
“The man who had been asked the question was different in several ways” could probably be cut. I think most readers will pick up the contrast on their own.
“His sub-bionic prosthetic leg was currently plugged into a small generator under his desk, so he could charge it” could be rephrased. I think “His prosthetic was currently plugged into a small charger under his desk” or perhaps “His prosthetic was currently charging, plugged into a small generator under his desk.”
“I think I got stuck with the rejects again.” Aaron answered after reading a list of his next arrivals. The period after again should be a comma. I’d also suggest inserting a comma after answered and cutting the phrase “I think.”
“These are not the men and women I put in a request for.” “put in a request for” could be shortened to “requested.” “men and women” could probably be shortened to either “people” or “men” or preferably any term which suggests something about what he needs them for. It might also help to insert information about what he was looking for in the guys he originally requested. (E.g. if he were looking for militia members, he might say something like “These are not the guys I requested. Have they even handled weapons before?”)
…“Just think of them as placeholders.” Yinsen pacified, “Until the next group comes.” I would recommend checking out this article.
“Well, I don’t expect much but I’ll keep an open mind.” Please show this. For example, if the situation in Spring Hill is truly grim (e.g. on the order of a zombie apocalypse), Aaron might wonder aloud whether all of their faculties are intact.
I like the reference to abandoned cities in Florida. I think that helps hint at the setting/premise. That said, “There’s some tough stuff in Spring Hill” could probably benefit from a detail there.
Alright, thanks for the help!