May 31 2008
Hello, I'm an assistant editor providing writing advice. SN specializes in superhero writing advice, obviously, but most of the advice here applies to fantasy and sci-fi as well.
In this article, Jacob walks you through how to illustrate speech and thought bubbles for comic books, webcomics and header art. He also has a few free samples for your convenience.
May 30 2008
Mike challenges Agent Black and Agent Orange to a game of Clue. Question: if the victim was killed by a noose, was it murder or assisted suicide?
May 29 2008
On May 29, we replaced our old header. We recount the changes and explain some of the editing changes we’ve made along the way below.
May 29 2008
Here are a few tips to help you write better origin stories for characters in superhero novels and comic books. Continue Reading »
May 29 2008
Hi. We’ve revised our guide to making header art. In addition to the standard reformatting and stylistic changes from Cadet Davis, I added a small and not particularly technical case-study on the evolution of Superhero Nation’s headers. If you have high hopes for your website, particularly a writing website, I recommend it.
Yours,
J.M.
May 28 2008
Picture c/o simplydumb.com, caption courtesy of me (inserted with the help of ICanHas Cheezburger.com
May 27 2008
Agent Orange: Greetings, Mammal-Black! I have an excellent costume for our upcoming office Halloween party. It makes full use of my mammal-frightening teeth and reptilian horror factor and this pleases me.
Agent Black: Godzilla?
Agent Orange: IRS agent.
Agent Black: That’s a terrible costume.
Agent Orange: Don’t make me take 28% of your candy!
May 25 2008
For a tangent from our comic book offerings, J.M. presents these five questions guaranteed to tell whether you’re a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian or Communist.
What does America need more of?
Democrat: Tolerance.
Republican: Free-fire zones.
Libertarian: Porn stars.
Communist: Communists.
Who do you trust most to protect your liberties?
Democrat: The state.
Republican: Bush and Cheney.
Libertarian: Smith and Wesson.
Communist: Next question.
You hear that a politician had sex with 15 interns. How do you feel?
Republican: Enraged.
Libertarian: Jealous.
Democrat: My attorney has advised me not to answer any questions.
Communist: Eh… a man of the people is still just a man.
Why do you tolerate your political enemies?
Democrat: They have the guns.
Republican: I feel bad beating up sissies.
Libertarian: I’ve got enough drugs to go around.
Communist: Because anyone can be re-educated.
How would you react if you heard that the government was reinstating the draft?
Republican: Basra or Bust!
Democrat: I wonder what Toronto’s weather is like.
Libertarian: Not too worried. I’ve got so many drug arrests I’d send draft officers running to Canada.
Communist: I hope I’m not a minesweeper.
May 24 2008
Agent Orange, the mutated alligator, has a conversation with Agent Black about a firearm he purchased from Jim’s Gunz and Mattresses.
May 23 2008
Dr. Darpa: I heard that Russia is now patrolling its nuclear-armed bombers 24 hours a day now.
Captain Carnage: That’s right.
Dr. Darpa: That could destabilize US-Russian relations, if we thought there were any conceivable chance Russian bombers could get close enough to attack Chicago or Seattle.
Captain Carnage: I’d say at least 50%.
Dr. Darpa: 50%, hah! Not after you see what I’ve been working on: Project Unmutually Assured Destruction. It’s the largest surface-to-air missile site ever built. It was so colossal that I could only fit it in Yosemite National Park.
Captain Carnage: An antiballistic missile site in a national park?
Dr. Darpa: Now, the only remaining task is to name it. I present to you: the Yosemite SAM Site.
May 23 2008
May 21 2008
The main difference between the IRS and a robber is that the IRS makes the victim an accomplice to the crime.
–Agent Orange
Hey! Don’t make me audit you.
–Agent Black, formerly of the IRS
May 21 2008
This is an excerpt from an interesting article on college.
I assigned a research paper. This time around, the students were to elucidate the positions of scholars on two sides of a historical controversy. Why did Truman remove MacArthur? Did the United States covertly support the construction of the Berlin Wall? Their job in the paper, as I explained it, was to take my arm and introduce me as a stranger to scholars A, B, and C, who stood on one side of the issue, and to scholars D, E, and F, who were firmly on the other—as though they were hosting a party.
A future state trooper snorted. “Some party,” he said.
May 20 2008
This article will teach you how to change the space between paragraphs, create internal links, add footnotes, and a few other tricks applicable to WordPress.
Continue Reading »
May 20 2008
John McCain was surprisingly funny but I think that was mostly because his lines were well-written. His delivery was merely above-average, although I thought he delivered “that’s right, fight amongst yourselves” amazingly well.
However, he sounded a bit stiff and it didn’t help that he rarely looked at the correspondents he was (supposedly) talking to. Also, I think his lack of blinking is a bit distracting and unnatural. These quibbles are pretty minor. I wouldn’t feel too concerned if I were on his media prep team.
His main problem was that he took too long to get started. Generally, I think a comedian should have the audience laughing within twenty words. The audience started laughing at 78, and I missed the first joke.
His introduction rambled gratuitously.
Thank you Seth, Amy. I’d like to begin tonight by thanking Republican voters. We’re gearing up for one of the most critical elections in our nation’s history and I’m honored to be part of it. I’d like to thank Democrats. I know we don’t see eye to eye on every issue. That’s why I want to give you this piece of advice. Democrats, I’d like to urge you, do not under any circumstances pick a candidate too soon…
[Laughter]
May 20 2008
When fantasy novelists begin a novel with a world-map, that scares me. It is too tempting then to begin the book with a lengthy list of the places in your world, such as the Plains of Woe or Agraria or the kingdom of Lucinel or the Mountains of Rockiness or wherever. Unfortunately, readers don’t really know much (if anything) about these locations and they aren’t very engaging. As a novelist, you have at most three sentences to make us want to keep reading and Lucinel is a word that means literally nothing to us.
When readers pick up a fantasy book, they do not want an atlas. They want a story. Places may matter, but they are most assuredly not the meat of your story. Instead of telling us Lucinel is west of the Plains of the Hobgoblins, tell us about a Lucinel resident who will interest us. “It was only slightly before he saw the elf’s face explode that the reporter had begun to regret signing up with The Lucinel Muckraker.” This immediately immerses us in a story and gets us asking questions. Who’s the elf and why did his face explode? Who’s the journalist? What’s wrong with the Muckraker?
By contrast, introducing a slew of locations raises no questions except for “why should I care about this location?” If readers have to ask themselves why they should care about your writing, they’re probably imminently about to stop reading. Don’t let this happen to you!
May 19 2008
Agent Orange: Kids today are so hard to please.
Agent Black: I don’t even want to think about how you might know that.
Agent Orange: Yesterday…
Teacher: Class, today our guest speaker is Agent Orange.
Agent Orange: I’m a Special Investi-Gator.
Teacher: Could you explain what it is you do?
Agent Orange: Are you sure? There are kids here.
Student 1: Have you ever killed anyone?
Agent Orange: Laws need claws or they’d just be words.
Student 2: How many people have you killed?
Agent Orange: The confirmed score or a rough estimate?
Agent Black: …
Agent Black: Suddenly I have questions of my own.
May 18 2008
AGENT ORANGE: Greetings, Mammal-Black! Do you remember that time I seized your driving wheel when we were set upon by hoodlums armed with rocket launchers?
AGENT BLACK: That time you nearly destroyed half of Washington from the passenger seat of a government-issued sedan? Yeah. That was last week.
AGENT ORANGE: (If your reflexes were as sharp as your memory, perhaps you could drive next time). In any case, it has come to my attention that the Vatican has named me a Defender of the Faith.
AGENT BLACK: I didn’t know that you were Catholic.
AGENT ORANGE: Indeed. My heart beats only for the Gator Gods.
AGENT BLACK: So how…
AGENT ORANGE: I’m an 100% effective cure for atheism!
AGENT BLACK: …
AGENT BLACK: What?
AGENT ORANGE: Well, when I took the wheel apparently everybody prayed.
May 18 2008
The US government has introduced a fitness test for adults. Did you know that the government thinks it’s “normal” to have a 500-inch waist circumference?
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if you have a 500 inch waist, you probably do not have a 24.1 BMI.
May 15 2008
In Britain, a man dressed as Darth Vader has been spared jail-time for drunkenly attacking two Star Wars fans (“Jedi worshippers”) with a metal crutch. Ah, Britain.
May 15 2008
Picture c/o http://www.bastroplibrary.org/mckinneyroughs06/rough500gator.jpg .
May 13 2008
According to the Associated Press, “a Japanese man who had doused himself with kerosene in front of police died of burns after asking to smoke during interrogation… Despite no-smoking rules in the building, a police official gave him a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. The suspect quickly turned into a fireball, the reports said.”
This just goes to show you that smoking kills, but it kills kerosene-doused people quickest.
Hat-tip to Fark, which also reported on a CBS headline reading “Man Saves Elderly Woman From Certain Death.” Did you know that “certain death” is my fourth favorite two-word phrase? It is bested only by “untimely demise,” “Superhero Nation,” and “full auto.”
May 11 2008
And other strange, strange news from the heartland.
May 11 2008
This brief article will help you design a premise for a novel or blog that sells better.
May 08 2008
The biggest suckers in football are the Jets. In basketball, the refs. In soccer, the spectators.
– Agent Orange
May 07 2008
Three questions, actually. Which is your favorite superhero and why? Finally, what are three things you associate with that hero?
Thanks a lot for your feedback; I’m writing an article on how to make superheroes loveable.
May 07 2008
Agent Black and everybody’s favorite mutated alligator, Agent Orange, have a strange conversation about killing terrorists with sponge-cake. And other questions you never thought to ask!
May 06 2008
Soccer can teach us a lot about Europe. There’s a lot of running but precious little action, and violence is always liable to break out at any moment.
– Agent Orange
May 04 2008
The root of evil is not money. It is the metric system, a strange cult that worships the number ten. It starts with a meter here and a newton there, and soon enough you’re selling kilos of crack to kids.
–Agent Orange
May 03 2008
Agent Black and everybody’s favorite mutated alligator, Agent Orange, have a heated argument about one of America’s most popular daily comic-strips, Don Gato.
May 02 2008
Garfield Minus Garfield is a remotely frightening and utterly hilarious take on the Garfield series. The site takes old Garfield strips and removes Garfield.
Here are three of my favorites.
May 02 2008
Yetisburg
Pro: More respectable than Battle Cattle.
Con: What!?!
Hat-tip to Progressive Ruin.
The New Adventures of Abraham Lincoln
Pro: Cool concept? It looks substantially less weird than Yetisburg, in any case.
Con: It looks like the cover was done in about 2 hours. And the replacement of Abe’s head with his presidential portrait was not a good move.
Hat-tip to Scott McCloud.
Santa Cthulhu
Pro: Obviously awesome.
Con: Nothing I can think of.
May 01 2008
This article will help you write an opening for your book that develops the characters, plot and world.
May 01 2008
Is there any other way to explain “Operation Enforcing the Law“?
Hat tip to Fark.com .
May 01 2008
Some starting authors expect that their work is over when their manuscript gets picked up by a publisher. No, not even close. Once the book is published, it falls largely to the author to market his work by running promotional events like book-signings.
Learning to host an effective book-signing is as crucial for authors as a good hand-shake is for a politician. Here is some advice on how to hold an effective promo event. Continue Reading »
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