Dec 29 2007
Superhero Questionnaire
This questionnaire will help you design a superhero or supervillain for a novel or comic book.
Background
1. What kind of person was your hero before he got superpowers? (A friendly but awkward nerd? Guilty of CIAing while black? A disgruntled accountant?)
2. What sort of job/educational background does he have? (Do these affect his superhero career?)
3. Why should prospective readers care about your hero? What is it about his background that will appeal to them?
4. What’s the character’s language like? Will he sound any different from the other characters in the story?
5. How old is he?
6. What kind of goals did he have before becoming a superhero? What kinds of problems?
7. What sort of problems did his world have before he became a superhero? Did he notice/care about these problems? (Or did he have a happy and carefree childhood until he saw his parents get murdered?)
8. What does your character think about his world? (Mostly happy? Looking to escape? Looking for something more?)
9. Is there anything in your character’s past that he regrets or will regret, like nearly joining a gang or failing to save his uncle?
10. Does your character’s background make him a better superhero? For example, Superman’s side-job as an investigative journalist frequently gives him leads to look into. Many heroes have scientific or technological skills, etc.
Origin Story
1. Was he born super?
2. Did he choose to be a superhero? Why? (Which personal feelings/experiences influenced that choice? Losing a loved one to criminals? Being a disillusioned cop? A desire to escape from a dull routine?)
3. If he did not choose, what caused/forced him to become super? (A physical transformation? Conscription? Forced servitude?) Is he attempting to become normal? How and why?
4. Was he chosen to become a superhero? Who chose him? Why? (Maybe she won Amazonian trials or aced secret tests embedded in a standardized exam).
5. Assuming that your character was not born super, what caused him to become super?
Secret Identity
1. Does your character have a secret identity? If so, why? What would the consequences be if his enemies, friends and/or the public found out who he is?
2. How do his powers make it harder (or easier) to keep his secret-identity secret?
3. Has his work as a superhero noticeably changed his body? (For example, Peter Parker gets a lot tougher and picks up unusual bruises and scars). How would your hero conceal these changes from his friends? If a friend noticed anyway, how might he try to explain them away?
4. Has he told anyone who he is? Why? Does anyone else know?
5. Does the police care who he is? The media? Anybody else?
6. What does your character do to keep his identity safe? (Anything besides wearing a mask?)
7. Is anyone close to discovering the truth?
8. Has anyone publically accused him of being the hero? Has he taken any steps to “disprove” the claims or discredit the accusers?
Superpowers
1. Here’s an obvious question: what superpowers does your superhero have? Less obviously, will your readers be able to describe your character’s powers in 1-2 easy sentences? If not, it’ll probably harder for them to introduce the story/characters to their friends.
2. Do his superpowers affect his civilian life in any way?
3. Does your superhero have a special mode of transport? (Not that there’s anything wrong with the subway, but you do get weird stares).
4. Readers love being surprised. How will your superhero use his powers to surprise us? Will he be able to resolve his problems in new and fresh ways?
Thanks a lot.
This will be a big help. I thought of random bits in class one day, and I’ll be using this to fill in the spaces.
Do you think this could work? I don’t know whether I’ll use this idea, but I want an opinion on it.
Isaac is picking up all sorts of injuries from his superhero work, and hides them as they heal. His parents become suspicious when they catch him practically in tears four times in three weeks (It’s the result of stress and also sadness after his first failure).
When they notice that he’s wearing jumpers in thirty degrees Celsius, they order him to remove them, but he knows that they’ll see his injuries and find out. Due to his refusal, they now believe that he is hurting himself, which he isn’t. He gets over his sadness and becomes himself again, just more on guard against his parents. Isaac never fully descends into an emo funk, but has fleeting moments where he thinks that life in general sucks. He’s fine a few seconds later and gets on with it. This storyline lasts only three chapters, and his parents’ suspicion is eradicated when he removes his jumper a few days later to reveal that he has no cuts. There is one slash on his arm which he gave himself stitches for, and I was thinking that he could lie to a doctor later and get it done properly.
Your thoughts? Thanks!
Okay, that’s superheroes. But what about normal heroes? For example, my novel is about a kid, who takes his girlfriend to a new nightclub on their second anniversary. His girlfriend gets raped and he gets beat up. She kills herself thinking that he died. He essentially declares war on drugs in Vancouver. He sets gangs against each other, burns crops and gets chased by the police. The thing is he doesn’t have superpowers or gadgets, just an unstoppable force of will and a lot of luck.
I could really use advice for him and his character, and stuff like that. Any help at all would be appreciated.
Hey, RW! I’m sorry I didn’t notice your comment before.
I think the aspect of a noticeably depressed hero could work, but it would be very delicate. I hate to generalize like this, but I fear that readers would not take well to a a character who has a worse life than they do or a “bad attitude.” One way you could probably soften the angstiness is to have his bad moods be limited mainly to his superhero work, and have his regular life not be affected as much.
I’m not sure about the tangent where his parents think he’s slicing himself. It’s sort of a somber and emo red herring. It’s a big assumption for them. It might be less depressing to have his parents assume he’s getting into fights at school. Maybe he’s joined a gang or something… that would explain the strange clothes and the moody behavior.
Hello, Dallas. Here are a few observations and suggestions.
–I’m not a huge fan of revenge as a motivation. It’s very hard to make a revenge story feel fresh. For example, I think that readers of your story might feel like it’s too similar to The Punisher.
–Generally, I think it’s very helpful for stories to hold out the possibility of a happy ending. The ending doesn’t have to be happy, but if we think that there’s some chance that the hero can get there, then we will care more about his struggle. If his girlfriend is raped and commits suicide, I don’t think that any ending could be a happy one. He can’t kill his way back to where he was before.
–Raping and killing his girlfriend for sensational effect may make the story feel overwrought.
Dallas, your hero with a few slight changes reminds me of a heroic version of Heath Ledger’s Joker. That might be interesting. Your thoughts on a heroic psychopath B.Mac? (And yes, the laughing is a given.)
I’m a not a big fan of powerless heroes, but they are workable and they can be very interesting. They have to improvise at all times, so that would make for alot of interesting scenes.
My recommendation would be not to kill off the girlfriend, but have her severely changed. Experiences like rape can drastically alter personality. Maybe making her more closed off and she doesn’t want to be intimate (not just sexually) with the main character. If you wanted to go to EXTREMES, you could have her go into severe repression so much so she gives herself amnesia, and forgets the MC.
It would seem this character has some strong connections and is very intelligent (burning drugs, putting gangs against each other). I think giving him a degree of gadgets would be more plausible, but you don’t have to go all out (retractable zip-lines, cloaking devices). If he doesn’t want to kill maybe a small tranquillizer gun or firing taser. Or you could move into gun territory, but know your facts about guns before you use them.
I recommend this article.
http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/07/common-gun-related-errors-for-authors/
Once I’m an accomplished comic writer (pretentious, much), I want to write a disaster series in which groups of normal people will ban together (or stand apart) to escape natural (or manmade) disasters. So I’d also need well developed powerless “heroes”.
I think I’d have the most fun writing a flood escape in the winter. no power, freezing cold, water level rising, city falling apart, can you escape? haha.
Okay, thanks! That was just one of many ideas I’ve had. I’m not even halfway through writing the first book, and already I have ideas for a second, third and fourth! Jeez, I have one hell of an overactive imagination. I write all my ideas down, but only about one in sixteen will make the cut. The slightest thing sets me off. Here’s a list of my most major ones.
1.
The situation: a serious crime is pinned on Isaac so he has to clear his name without using his powers. Alternatively, it could be pinned on his superhero identity, so he has to prove his innocence without revealing his civilian ID. The explanation for the first would be that an archenemy discovers his civilian identity and frames him, and for the second that the government wanted to use him in a warzone. When he objects, they set him up because they fear that he might be working for the other side.
The risk: Jail time and/or his identity becoming common knowledge.
2.
The situation: His enemies pinpoint the school he attends, but falsely believe he teaches there. As a result, they take the teachers hostage during the school day, and all of the students are moved out to the evacuation point on the oval.
The risk: His absence will be noticed if he goes to help.
3.
The situation: He is exposed to a kind of nerve gas while infiltrating his archenemy’s base. This causes his powers to go haywire, with Isaac losing any and all control. This means that windows randomly smash because of rogue psi-pulses, he has trouble keeping his feet on the ground and he keeps getting jerks in his muscles that cause him to snap pencils or punch through walls.
The risk: His classmates will notice all the accidents surrounding him, and it’ll be difficult to explain why he suddenly starts levitating.
I also thought of this follow-up:
A man contacts Isaac through FIGHT to inform him that he has a solution to his loss of control. It involves some tinkering with his DNA, enabling him to regain control of his powers but making them less powerful. As an additional side effect, his DNA fluctuates (first at random, then at will) and causes him to switch between his normal appearance and a second one. After Isaac gains full control of the fluctuations, he can change his appearance between the two whenever he wants. His powers are stronger in his second body. Overall, he can hide better among the human population and there is no longer a need to pull on his hoodie. Isaac can just transform and go. He later has the process done on his clothes so that they change with him.
4.
The situation: His friends discover who he really is and begin to ignore him because they feel that he doesn’t trust them.
The risk: Loss of friendship and reduced self-esteem.
5.
The situation: An enemy of his begins to attend his school undercover. This is to study the students’ behaviour and determine the likelihood that one of them could be the Guardian. Isaac grows suspicious, and reports back to FIGHT on the situation. Klemente goes undercover to help him rid the school of the threat as silently as possible.
The risk: He could be discovered before he can do anything about it, and Klemente would only be further evidence against him.
6.
The situation: Tristram comes to visit him from the USA, and the two spend their spare time doing what’s called “You-Can’t-Beat-How-Ultimate-This-Is Freerunning”. (I’m not sure if there are freerunners in the USA, but we have quite a few around here. It’s just running really fast, climbing over walls and running across rooftops, coupled with back flips and dodge rolls, leaping over park benches and swinging off flagpoles). Isaac and Tristram’s version can’t be beaten in its extremity because they jump off buildings and hit the ground before jumping back up and jumping from roof to roof. But a problem arises when Tristram passes out, due to being inexperienced with his powers when compared to Isaac. A group of Guardian-spotters (Like bird watching but with the Guardian instead) see him land in King’s Park and go to investigate.
The risk: Both of them are pretty much screwed, because Isaac can’t carry him out of there without someone seeing.
7.
The situation: Isaac’s parents catch him sneaking back into the house after a rescue, but think he’s up to no good when it’s actually the complete opposite. He gets grounded and isn’t allowed to go to his year eleven dance. Even worse, he learns that his archenemies have sent one of their agents to the school under the name Pandora. She just so happens to be his best friend Will’s date.
The risk: He has a choice: stay in his room and hope she doesn’t get up to anything, or go and risk getting in deeper trouble along with his parents becoming more suspicious of him.
8.
The situation: Isaac tries to prove a point by actually trying in PE class. He find his (civilian) popularity within his school rising when he gets onto the soccer team. He becomes more and more reckless with his powers during matches. Isaac soon finds himself in trouble when Darrick, the school bully, catches on. He uses his knowledge to make Isaac ditch his friends and skip classes.
The risk: This gets him in trouble with pretty much everyone.
9.
The situation: His sister finds his ruined hoodies beneath his bed and realizes what he’s really up to. She becomes afraid for him and so begins to follow him everywhere when possible, trying to look out for him. This only gets her in deeper trouble than Isaac has ever been in, when his enemies decide to use her in their plan as emotional leverage. The deal is that he give them the real names and addresses of the other FIGHTers, or they stick her in a sack and throw her in the ocean.
The risk: He has to be a tattletale or let his sister die.
What do you think?
Oh, I forgot to mention: these are all ideas for the fourth. Each will take the story in a different direction. For example, #3 will give him a new power. #9 means at least one person will discover his secret. #8 will see Isaac getting in trouble at school. I can’t use all of these, so I was wondering what your favourites are. Just the number and a two or three sentence explanation will do. Thanks!
We have a bunch of free-runners in America, Mirror’s Edge is a video game almost completely about freerunning. Free-running is so kick-butt. I can only do like two tricks though.
I like:
#3) It’s alot like my story with transformations for increased power. This could be a big oppurtunity for readers to learn about his Yinyusian heritage. It could also give insight into the logistics of his powers. The power fluctuations have dramatic potential, too (Adrian has similar water related issues, profuse sweat, random wet cloths, mysterious puddles, oddly scaly skin)
#1) has alot of potential. Uh oh Isaac, no powers, time to think like a human. He’ll have to somhow get out of trouble without revealing himself.
#8) I like the idea of letting fame go to his head. It’s very human of Isaac to become indulgent, it takes away from any homo-superiority he may develop. As long as he sort of come out it later, it will work.
Here’s my reminder for TRW, I replied to your last comment.
Thanks! I think I could combine a couple of them. Maybe I could mix #8 with #7 or #1.
The thing about me is that I love to write so much that I spend much of my time doing it. I carry a notebook around to jot down ideas, and fit scenes to music. I personally think that “Over and Over” by Three Days Grace is the perfect song for Isaac and Kamari’s relationship. “Me Against the World” by Simple Plan describes Tristram to a degree, along with “I Don’t Care” by Fall Out Boy. Yeah, I obsess over writing and anything remotely to do with it. When did you write your first short story?
Not too long ago, but if you ask me when I drew my first comic that’s an entirely different storyboard (get it? it’s a comic joke). My big thing is drawing, I always carry my sketchbook around and draw every chance I get. I really want to be a comic book artist but without some proper training drawing is VERY hard to learn. I’m good, not to be conceited, but I think I’m better than most people, but a comic book company wouldn’t appreciate my style, yet. It’s not anime, but it’s reminiscent of it when it comes to faces, other than that it’s very much my own style.
And to be an artist you have to get things right the first try, learn to color and ink, and learn to draw scenery. I know I can do all of that but it will take time.
Since I won’t be drawing for a comic anytime soon, I went for the next bet thing writing. I’ll be candorous, writing is fun but it isn’t my passion. I don’t get that artistic rush like I do when I draw. But it’s ok I’ll just have to put my dream on hold and settle for the next best thing.
Here are some of my drawing in my myspace gallery, some of this is old but these are some of my best examples of my own style.
I’ve only just recently started coloring pictures as well as adding backgrounds.
I mean “I don’t get that artistic ‘rush.”
I apologize if you’re offended by my scantily clad females, I generally put more clothing on them now as well as make the size of their breast less noticeable, my friends always got distracted by them, and never see the full picture.
I drew an awesome scene with my character Guy Emo and his love interest Heather, it was one of the first ones where I drew a full background.
Hi, Whovian! Here are a few thoughts and observations.
#1: I like this setup, but I think it would probably be easiest for you to have a crime pinned on Isaac’s superhero identity rather than Isaac himself. I really like the element that he would be stuck in his civilian identity (largely unable to use his superpowers) as he tried to clear his name. The warzone element is a bit cliche, but OK.
#2: I like the twist that they think he’s a teacher, but that doesn’t strike me as entirely plausible. (I mean, he’s really young to get confused for a teacher, isn’t he?) Unless his voice gets deeper or he gets physically larger when he turns into his superhero identity…
#3: I think the baseline situation (he loses control over his powers and has to conceal that from his classmates) is pretty interesting. I’m not quite as sold on the fact that it’s solved by someone else (FIGHT) and the two-body element.
#4: I don’t feel that this one was very satisfying.
#5: This is pretty kickass, I think. I’d love to read some of the scenes where the FIGHT guy and Isaac are in the same class together and the FIGHT guy is trying to make it seem like he’s just another student. (The more the FIGHT guy stands out, the better I think this arc will be. If he doesn’t have any trouble fitting in at this school, it would probably not be so interesting).
#6: I don’t really get this. It seems more like a joy ride than accomplishing any dramatic goal.
#7: I think it might be contrived that Pandora dates Will out of all the students at the school, unless she has a good reason to pick him. (For example, she may suspect that he’s the Guardian. In fact, he may have falsely admitted to being the Guardian to impress her). Aside from the contrivance issue (which is very fixable), I think this has a lot of potential.
#8: I didn’t like this as much.
#9: This is kind of bland. I don’t see it leading to scenes as interesting as, say, #5 or #7. I suspect that there will be a dose of angst here.
I put excessive detail into my drawings. I’ve learned it doesn’t really work with comics. It makes them look cluttered. It’s great if you know what you know what you’re looking at, but if not then you’re like what the hell.
When it comes to buying art, I generally have a very minimalist style, but it’s as much of an economic issue as a stylistic one for me. I agree that cluttering the page can make it very difficult to tell what’s going on.
I really like the picture of Leena and Aurora. I’m not crazy about their heads, but Aurora’s legs and boots are very interesting. Their midriffs are very exposed and they are really thin in the area between their waists and breasts, but overall I don’t feel like they’re scandalously slutty. (Leena does look anorexic, though). I’d recommend a slightly more conventional haircut.
I’ve been doing a bit of thinking and decided to incorporate something like #1 into the first book.
Isaac gets a detention because he’s late to class, and he has to reorganize the school library as punishment. He’s putting some books onto a bookshelf when something slams him against it, knocking it over. He turns to see a guy in a black hoodie preparing to hit him again, and basically gets beaten up pretty bad. He knows it’s not the Guardian, but the CCTV makes it seem otherwise. Isaac doesn’t fight back because his cover would be blown, so defends himself without using his powers. Now he has to find out who the hell the guy is and why he wanted to frame him.
It turns out that the other guy was paid to get rid of the Guardian because he accidentally damaged a guy’s Porsche. He was pulling a kid out of the path of its inebriated, speeding driver. The owner is a real big fish (and obviously very materialistic) around the city who just so happens to have adopted a guy in similar circumstances to Isaac. I can then have this Yinyusi guy reappear as his archenemy in the third book. Isaac’s identity remains unknown to everyone, the speeding guy is put in jail and the Yinyusi guy disappears.
He’s tall for his age (5″10′) and uses a deeper voice to talk to people he rescues or people he’s fighting. It’s a precaution, because he could save someone he knows and they’d recognize his voice if he made no effort to change it.
I think I’ll most likely use #3, but cut out the second body part. How could he solve it himself? That’s the big question I have yet to answer. He isn’t tech-savvy like Tristram, and isn’t in tune with nature like Olivia. Perhaps a certain vitamin counteracts it. I think I’d find it pretty weird if my friend suddenly began to eat a lot of oranges and drink heaps of Ribena.
I used #4 in my assignment. It turned out quite well, but it’s not really worthy of a novel.
Hmm, let me just write up a scene for #5.
“Jack,” said Miss Cherie, trying to get Klemente’s attention. He just looked down at his hand, which he was messing around with. He was changing it so that his skin had a red tinge to it.
“Jack!”
I nudged him with my elbow, and he regressed his skin back to its normal colour.
“Oh! Sorry. I tuned out there.”
“Why is a semicolon used?” She pointed at a sentence on the board.
“Umm… because it has half the calories of a full colon?” Klemente was ever the joker, but when he had to blend in he seemed to forget the word “discreet”.
I pulled him aside when we got into the hall. “You know you can’t use your powers in public!” I hissed, trying not to be heard by the hordes of chattering students passing by.
“She was boring me.”
“What part of ‘blend in’ don’t you get?”
“You just told me not to use my powers!”
I ran a hand down my face. “I don’t mean turning invisible! I mean be normal!”
“No offence, but you’re not a very good role model for normality.”
I felt like shaking him and telling him to be serious for once in his life, but the bell for our next class rang.
“Three rules: no use of your powers, even when you think you’re alone. Be serious for once in your life and don’t draw attention to yourself.”
Five minutes later he had broken them all a dozen times each.
Yeah, I thought #6 was a bit unnecessary, too. I did a similar sort of thing in a test scene for the second book, where FIGHT have a race from the Empire State Building to the Chrysler Building. I know New York is a cliche setting, but it’s the easiest place in the USA to get information on, and there are plenty of opportunities for major disaster scenes such as fires and accidents at building sites. I did some research and found out a few interesting things. A woman once jumped off the Empire State Building, but a wind caught her and flung her onto the next floor, where she got away with only a few injuries. What are the chances?
Haha, I think Will probably would say he was the Guardian. I’ve made it so he doesn’t often get much luck with the ladies, so I can see him trying that one.
I like #8 because it makes it seem more like he’s a typical teenager. I don’t think I’ll use it though. My two favourites are #5 and #3.
Speaking of extraordinarily miraculous suicide attempts, there was a case in which a severely depressed man shot himself in the head. He survived the bullet and managed to cure his depression (albeit with a major personality shift). Don’t try this at home, kids.
That’s similar to what will happen to Vir. He had to chase a guy who swiped his knapsack with his mask and shit in it. Vir follows the thief for twelve blocks and eventually the thief gets tired. Vir tackles him and takes his bag back.
“All that for a knapsack? What’s in it?”
I’ve gotten considerably better now. I generally TRY to add nose and thicker arms. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with positioning and scenery. I loved packing pictures with as much stuff as possible, but now I’m more considerate when it comes to putting too much. When I drew older pictures, I just do it and not think about whether or not I can draw it again.
I think my hardest thing to draw is legs. I like to make the calves bigger than the thighs like Teen Titans: The Animated Series (one of my drawing idols), but that is kind of difficult to accomplish without making the waist look funky.
I also toned down the craziness of my outfits, which was hard for me. But my clothes now still have my artistic flair.
Damn, those waists are thin. I notice that those legs are extremely long, too. From this perspective, it looks like Robin’s legs are at least twice as long as his torso. An adult’s legs will typically be about as long as his torso. I’m looking at some pictures of Olympic gymnasts, and even among these superbly long-legged individuals, it looks like this.
That’s understandable. I really like long legs though. The waists are thin, I’m one of the skinniest people I know, and my waist is bigger than that.
I think the look works for Raven, Cyborg, and Starfire. Robin looks weird, and BB’s stance makes it hard to judge. I don’t think that a comic book or cartoon has to be exactly anatomically correct but a general closeness is necessary.
For example, my heads are pretty disproportionate to the body, in that they are the same size as the torso. I’m trying to fix this problem though. Also, my necks are skinny.
I’ll post a picture of Mz.Corpse and Akwary, I think I moded my style nicely in those, I’m going to work more in this style now..
I think it’s generally less of a problem for Raven because she wears a cloak. Also, like Starfire, Raven flies headfirst, so in a typical action-pose it isn’t necessary to illustrate anything from the waist down.
Also, as a business consideration, I think it’s easiest to get a publisher to buy anatomy that’s roughly accurate. Paraphrasing Tolstoy, all accurate art is alike but stylized art is stylized in its own way. It’s hard to gauge beforehand whether the company will go for your particular style. I’m only one person and not even in the industry, but I’m badly distracted by how strange the Titans’ legs look, particularly the calves.
I just drew a totally awesome picture of Adrian and his seductress, Michal (pronounced Michael).
I’d post it but my scanner is acting crazy. Adrian’s head is huge, but otherwise the picture is anatomically correct.
I’d recommend giving her a slightly more feminine name, maybe Michelle.
I like ambiguous names.
I’ll name her Michelle that way I can call her Mitchy, which is slightly ambiguous.
ReTARDISed Whovian, I have a question.
Does Isaac have any super enemies, or villians in general? If so, are they Yinyusian? Won’t that mean they have the same powers.
I like ambiguous names, too. Some of my favourites are Jordan, Morgan and Davie. I also like foreign names like Niamh (Pronounced “Neev”) or Suzume and names with odd spelling like Wintre or Rikkie.
Isaac has one enemy in the first one, who is also Yinyusian. But I can give them differences by having the other guy well-practiced and more experienced in battle than Isaac is, and give him some technological help. Like two humans, they can have radical differences. For example, in a human fight one combatant may be a black belt and the other one very skilled with a whip. Even though they are of the same species they can have very different skills.
In the second one he is up against a modified human and in the third he is up against a group of villains, but has help from a group of heroes.
Hmm… I think that one advantage of a name that isn’t ambiguous is that I think it will reduce the potential for confusion about his sexuality. I don’t think that you’re trying to suggest he’s gay, but I picked up a few mixed messages.
–Adrian is explicitly called gay at one point (I think it was because of his scarf). Unintendedly, I think, that introduces the question “is this character gay?” to the audience.
–I’m trying to be delicate here, but, uhh… he does not seem very masculine in his dealings with the Catwoman. She puts the moves on him and, umm, kind of rapes him (?). Giving her a masculine name will sort of reinforce that Adrian is, umm, taking on a role in the relationship that has traditionally been associated with women. It may help to give them both a fairly equal role in the relationship. I think that will make their relationship feel more, umm, fair to both sides. He doesn’t have to be a Don Juan or a Rambo or anything, but I think any main character (regardless of gender) should be kind of assertive.
–Umm… the element of, uhh, leaking fluids could reflect poorly on his masculinity.
–He does a few things that are not problematic by themselves, but may contribute to a preexisting inkling that he’s gay. For example, he wears clothes that are a bit effeminate and is generally artsy. Just to repeat, I don’t think that anyone would take those two details by themselves and conclude that he’s gay. But, when a character explicitly calls him gay, then readers will draw on details like these to determine whether he is or not.
On the plus side, I think it kind of clarified things that part of his Hollywood fantasy was essentially being a sex-symbol to the ladies.
HAHAHAHAHA, I never though about that, that’s hilarious.
I’ll definitely try to make him more masculine. As a side note, I wanted his love interest to be a purebred alien girl, that’s why he isn’t interested in Michelle.
When I said leaking fluids, I meant more along the line of sweating profusely, not menstrating haha.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a little effeminite, but I’ll try to make him more manly, I guess.
That’s funny in a very ironic way. Both the creator and the character are being called gay.
my comment is awaiting moderation.
The part with the scarf was cut along with my first draft of my introduction. I’ll make the gang attack him for a better reason.
Please do not mistake my meaning. It was just an observation about the words put in front of me and not about you or your work generally. It’s hardly the first time that someone in the audience has picked up unintended cues about a character’s sexuality. In fact, B. Mac mentioned the phenomenon in his article on male characters. Likewise, women tell me so often that my female characters come off as lesbians that it’s almost a surprise when they don’t.
As for the bodily leakage, I was thinking more about impotence, but OK. Menstruation would also raise manliness issues.
This’ll be kind of long, so I apologize ahead of time.
Background
1) Abby is pretty quiet and withdrawn, but curious about things at the same time and enjoys the outdoors.
2) She is homeschooled.
3) Ah … well, she’s homeschooled which some can relate to, she’s ‘different’ and a lot of people feel they don’t fit in, she’s somewhat of a loner and very quiet, and her circumstances will change drastically once I figure out what is actually going to happen.
4) She’s 14.
5) She never really had any goals except to see what is ‘out there’ because her parents never pushed anything at her, knowing how the world would react and all the media attention she would get, as she cannot hide her abilities/how she looks.
6) She can’t let anyone outside of home see her because they would freak out; there is no way that they’d think it was a costume, too realistic and who would waste their time buying/creating a super realistic alien-looking costume?
7) She’s mostly happy, she loves climbing trees and just using her gifts, but she’s looking for something more because she doesn’t really know what the rest of the world is like, despite watching the news and movies. She’s never been more than a mile away from home, and really the only place outside she can be is in the backyard or the woods surrounding the back yard, and even then she can’t go very far back.
Origin
1) She was born with an inactive/howeveryousayit gene that somehow ‘activated’/'woke up’ and by the time she was four her abilities were fully developed; though to really know how to use them to her full advantage she has to practice.
2) She didn’t choose to be a mutant. I’m still not sure if it should be because years ago one of her parents married an alien or something and an inactive gene was carried through the family and finally ‘woke up’ or just a weird, random gene. I’m not sure how she’ll become a superhero(ine).
Secret Identity
1) No, not really, her green skin and eyes wouldn’t make it possible for her. She has a regular name but whenever I figure out how she does she’ll start referring to herself/thinking of herself as some superhero-like name. Or maybe she already calls herself something cool and her parents don’t even know. (NOTE: Tried out the name generator thing and all I got was really dumb names).
2) Not applicable, really.
3) Well, she’s got green skin and doesn’t really have any friends. (Should I change that? She’s a little too secluded but I don’t know how else to start out a story/develop a story with a girl who has green skin).
4) Just her parents know, and later on the government, I believe.
5) yes, the government shall care about her/her abilities/her ‘uniqueness’.
6) Nothing.
7) Maybe the government?
Superpowers
1) They aren’t superpowers persay, but she is flexible/agile, fast, strong, easily keeps her balance, and can jump pretty high. Which also makes her a good climber. I was thinking maybe areas of her skin are hard, like on her knuckles/parts of her hands (kind of like an alligator/crocodile) so when she punches somebody or kicks them or something, it really, really hurts.
2) Yes, I guess–since she’s stuck at home she uses her ‘superpowers’ all the time.
3) No special mode of transport, unless it’s jumping a ways. NOT like the second-newest Hulk movie though, where he could make some CRAZY jumps …
4) She could use her flexibility or whatever to squeeze between bars/through small spaces, and her fast reflexes to avoid punches and hurt people in all sorts of positions.
Jumping and would help her get away, I guess. Or gain a good vantage point if she needed one.
I was just wondering, I have begun the basics for a superhero novel. Could I have opinions. Be as brutal as you like,
A guy called Sam Gain, (18 years old) lives in a small town by lake Michigan, Illinois. (I can’t do any better than that yet) He lives alone with his mother, as his father was killed in a car accident when he was very young. He was born with a genetic disease where his DNA is unstable and could cause him to undergo cellular collapse (or whatever) because of this disease. Every month he goes to a clinic somewhere in the pacific called P.I.U.I (Pacific Institute of Unstudied Illnesses,) for check ups and studies on his disease.
What the doctors dont know is that at a young age, Sam discovered that he is able to manipulate this energy that is being built up inside of him via unstable DNA. He is able to move objects with this energy even if they are not touching him, he has a small degree of advanced strength and a small degree of advanced speed on the ground but, when using his power to enable him to fly, he is incredibly fast. He also has other bonuses when using this energy like being able to pinpoint any place in the world that he has travelled to.
After an incident where he discovers that his father was actually murdered by P.I.U.I because of a top secret research project being conducted on Sam linked to Interstellar space flight, he loses control of his power due to his emotions and kills several people working for P.I.U.I. After going into hiding, the plot unfolds as he discovers that he can make his powers stronger by controlling his emotions.
The head official of P.I.U.I. is the main villain, though not posessing any powers himself, he has a son with the same disease as Sam (possible because, for ‘yet un-thought out’ reasons, they could be brothers or half brothers or something)
the head official wishes to kill Sam Gain so that his son could be the first inter-stellar travellar (that is the best I can do to cause conflict between the hero and the villain.)
Various fights including the head officials son, some cops or something and Sam ensue throughout the story as sam attempts to live a fairly normal life while the head official continues to try to destroy it.
I need help with this to make the stroyline fit together better and maybe for him to have a better background that can link up with the Head Official. A possible ending could be suggested by anyone who has a novellists brain. Could anyone suggest a plausible weakness for him too. Any other tips would be great…
Weaknesses? Emotional instability, he could get tired by using up all his energy, maybe he blacks out after using a lot . . . maybe he has to always send out a certain amount of energy behind him, because letting all that go at once would push him back or damage his internal organs or something.
I think the plot starts out pretty solid, but then it starts to unravel a bit. The reason for the conflict between your villain and Sam is pretty unsatisfactory. If Sam killed (accidentally) several workers at the place after learning they killed his Dad, then the reason could be getting revenge for those workers AND silencing him, because he found out about the project they’re working on. That seems a lot for believable than just ‘oh, he wants his son to be better’.
I don’t think the guy’s son needs to be related to Sam. That may just complicated things. You could easily say the guy set up this institute for other people with his son’s condition (although they might treat other illnesses as well). I don’t think that would feel contrived. Also, I think that is a pretty good tie to the Head Official of this organisation. How Sam’s father came to investigate and find out about this plot in the institue is a little trickier. Maybe he was concerned about what they were doing to his son and decided to investigate? Sam said something that made him suspicious? He wanted something better for Sam and contacted the world authority on his condition, who was surprised by the treatment he’d been recieving?
Also, small tip: P.I.U.I needs a period after the last letter (the rule for abbrieviations is each letter has a period, or none do – so you could write it PIUI if your prefer).
Hope this helped.
That helped alot! Thanks!
I like the idea of weaknesses. I have another question though,
When Sam gets into fights with PIUI guards or something, I am struggling with creative ideas to use his energy to fight. The – punch – kick- throw and object – punch again thing is pretty cliche and can be very repettitous.
Also, is the reason for the experimeriments on Sam and the head officials son any good- (In order to gain interstellar space travel through human flight and the ability to not have to breath when using energy.)
It kind of sounds a bit ‘star trek’ or something with all of the interstellar stuff but it is the only reason I can think of for someone to want to experiment on this disease other than creating Genetically modified super soldiers which has been used alot.
Thanks for your help..
Hmm. Maybe his energy sends a machine haywire and it electrocutes someone? I think that with using his energy to move objects, you could probably make the fight seem more creative than it actually is. I suspect other posters here would be able to help more with this.
Yeah, super-soldiers have been used a lot. What do you think of using the energy for other purposes? Maybe if you wired a few of the people with this condition up and found a way to extract this energy, you could use it for electrical power? Um, obviously having people wired up would be pretty unethical, which would definitely explain why it’s being kept a secret.
I’m not sure. Maybe they’re actually studying the condition and trying to recreate it in other people for this purpose, but obviously the H.O. wouldn’t want them to do any testing on his son.
Ooh, fight scenes, juicy. Well I have a few suggeston for creative uses of his powers, some wackier than others:
- Uses his energy to construct a bat and knocks energy baseballs at the guard.
-Uses energy to preforate a hole in the floor, upon which the guard will step on and fall though. Conversely, he could do this for himself to get away.
-Expends all his energy to create a large energy aura, then beckons to the guard “I am far to powerful for a mere mortal to stop”(although he’s actually lying, or not) scaring the guard away. But doing this would lead to a lack of energy.
-I’m guessing they’re fighting in a corridor or a small room. He could make a ball of energy to pinball around the corridor to either block or knock out the gaurd.
-Again, I’m guessing he’s in a relatively small space. He could put his hands on the wall and overload the room with energy causing a blackout or the room to fall apart. Giving him a chance for escape.
-He could just blast the guard with energy. For an interesting tweak the blast could come out of his mouth, chest, or forehead (I like the mouth), instead of something obvious like hands or eyes. Although, this isn’t al that creative.
Many of these are based on what he can do with his energy (charging things, making constructs), so it’s at your discretion.
What are the limitations of his energy abilities? Can be make constructs? or charge things?
Super-soldiers are used quite frequently, but I think your reason for them (interstellar travel) is fresh. I don’t think readers will call you out on it.
Thanks alot!
I like the pinball Idea and the step into the hole thing. He is pretty much able to control any kind of energy, whether it be radiant enrgy (light energy,) kinetic enrgy or thermal energy. I didn’t want to make him too powerful or else the fight scenes would be boring, I want to give him a challenge.(???)
In the story, if he gets really emotional, (Like very angry or upset- such as when he discovers the death of his father) his energy kind of overloads and he loses control- exploding a great ball of solid energy. This happens a few times in the story I have so far.
Maybe, if the energy is very sensitive, he has to struggle to control it sometimes. Is this a good idea?
If you’re playing with the baseball thing maybe his energy constructs could become more shapeless and less defined when he loses control. I think its a good idea to tie his powers in with his emotions. You mentioned that he loses control several times in the story. Maybe the villain could exploit this by taunting him or mocking him such that he has an emotional outburst and loses control.
I’m not feeling the reason for the conflict between the hero and the villain. I just had this sudden idea that you could have a plot twist and reveal the villain as the hero’s father, who isn’t actually dead. It would also explain the similar disease of the other son. But it sounds very Star Wars-y and it might not work.
All thes ideas sound great. You have all helped loads. If I have any questions I know where to ask.
Cheers,
Does anyone here believe the orphaned at a young age or the murdered parents is over used in any story? I have to know ’cause my character accidently kills his mom and dad with his powers because they were trying to murder him. I’m trying not to fall into a Harry Potter thing.
“Does anyone here believe the orphaned at a young age or the murdered parents is over used in any story?”
Orphan due to murdered parents is so overused it’s ridiculous, off the top of my head Harry Potter, Eragon (sorta), Luke Skywalker (until the twist).
“I have to know ’cause my character accidently kills his mom and dad with his powers because they were trying to murder him. I’m trying not to fall into a Harry Potter thing.”
One word: Wangst.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Wangst
Wangst is not a good thing, a person with that origin story will immediately fall into wangst territory.
Also, that’s the kind of origin story that starts the warning sirens for ‘Mary-Sue’. It doesn’t necessarily make the person a Sue, but it’s one of the traits Sues commonly have.
“Has his work as a superhero noticeably changed his body? (For example, Peter Parker gets a lot tougher and picks up unusual bruises and scars). How would your hero conceal these changes from his friends? If a friend noticed anyway, how might he try to explain them away?”
Hehe, reminds me of a joke: You know you’re in the SCA [Society for Creative Anachronism] when…… You show up for work on Monday morning with the most INTERESTING bruises…. [from being in a tourney on the weekend]
A superhero could maybe cover up injuries by claiming they’re sports injuries.
I had a dream one time that Spiderman broke his arm fighting a villain, on camera, and the next day Peter Parker was trying to explain why his arm was in a sling….
If you’ve ever read the cult classic Rainbow Batman, Batman puts on a pink costume so that no one notices Robin’s sling. Everyone in town knew that Dick Grayson had just broken his arm, so it would have been suspicious.
Oh, this is SO helpful. Thanks so much!
My main character, Dante Valin, is sort of a hero, but not really. When he was sixteen or so (still configuring the age), his psi-powers, inherited from his father, of telekinesis, pyrokinesis, and telepathy caught the eye of a powerful war-monger and ruler, known only as the Administrator. A large team of soldiers, named Fatum, is sent out to capture him and bring him back to the Administrator, so Dante has to find his father, who has gone into exile, and try to get control of his powers so he can try to get his normal life back. His method of approach is to find the Administrator and either try to negotiate with him, or kill him as a last approach.
He’s very aware of the pain and destruction that the Administrator has caused, but he’s very self-absorbed, so that’s not really what drives him to fight. And he’s highly gullible, so much in fact that his father comments, “Dante, don’t take this the wrong way, but you couldn’t get both your feet to walk straight unless someone told you that walking crooked’s illegal.” One of the main drives for his character development is that his father, Lucas Imahara, is regarded as one of the most powerful and intelligent men in history, and was the one that brought genetic mutation in sentient organisms to the mainstream eye. So Dante has felt that people want him to be just like his father, and this causes him to go out of his way to do things that either Lucas wouldn’t, or the way he wouldn’t, even to the point that he neglects his own well-being and personal development in favor of his individuality. And later on, when he’s subjected to “shifting”, or amputation and bionic implantation, he suffers from severe trauma from being forced to watch his arms, legs, and parts of his torso and head be cut off and replaced by Fatum circutry, which just reinforces his already-raging hatred of the Administrator.
Any thoughts?
I’m writing a novel called Badazzes. In my novel, the name of the group is The Badasses. Before they gained their powers, they were slacker roommates. Does that sound okay? I need some feedback, please.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: this comment originally read: "i'm writing a novel called Badazzes. n in my novel da name of da group is called The Badazzes. n b4 dey gained powers dey were slackers living as roomates. DOES THAT SOUND OK? I NEED SUM FEEDBACK PLZZZ"]
Kid Omni, I think that sounds a bit forgettable so far. Oblivion Society had a faintly similar premise but I think it stood out a lot more effectively because the characters were well-developed and mostly endearing. I don’t really know anything about your characters other than that they were slackers and I think that you could probably develop them a lot more than that. (These characters aren’t all identical, so they must have some distinguishing traits, right?)
In addition, I have a few suggestions about writing mechanics, like grammar, punctuation and spelling. If you’re interested in going pro and getting published some day, they’re really important. Every month, a publisher’s assistant might go through around 1000-1500 manuscripts and send around 4-8 on to his boss for further consideration. Since the PA will end up rejecting around 99.9% of the manuscripts, he’ll kill a manuscript as soon as he has any suspicion that it’s not one of the best. The fastest and easiest way for a PA to sift through his huge stack of manuscripts is to instantly reject the ones with bad grammar/spelling/punctuation. Generally speaking, I would estimate that a manuscript is in grave danger if it has more than one typo per page. So I would really recommend brushing up on that, because otherwise your writing will suggest that you don’t have what the publishers are looking for.
Besides that, I’m not quite sure why your group is called the Badazzes rather than Badasses. The misspelling there strikes me as kind of goofy. Is that intentional? Also, in the future, I would really recommend against using caps-lock for anything.
Before Jason knew about his gift, he was a famous artist who wanted to do more for his community. Jason wanted to stop issues like poverty & violence. Jason is responsible, loyal, smart & passionate. When Jason learns about his gift, he goes out of his way to help people & give them hope. So he does the superhero thing, but later down the road he finds out that being a hero isn’t all easy.
jaronblaze:
Do you have any prominent flaws about your character?
His flaws are that he tries to do to much
That isn’t a flaw.
Yeah, I mostly agree that trying to do too much is probably not a flaw. Usually I would say that a trait is only a flaw if the audience will hold it against the character and/or if it leads the character to make decisions the audience will not agree with. I’m not sure how either one of those would apply to trying to do too much. (Perhaps the character is taking on too much for some less-than-noble or foolish reason?)
On the other hand, if he’s just a regular guy that’s overexerting himself doing purely honorable things, he’s probably a Mary Sue without any real flaws. I’d recommend against that because readers tend to find characters more interesting if they have a bit of moral complexity to them.
ummmmmmmmmmm english plzzz
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a flaw. ok well shade my character has a flaw. shade can manipulate colors and ink & he can also bring drawings to life. Shade’s flaws are two phobias: Pyrophobia(fear of fire) & Hemophobia( fear of blood). Commments please & not to harsh lol thank you.
The English used was perfectly grand, Anonymaus, but to paraphrase and abbreviate a bit, a flaw should be a bad thing.
Selfishness, nervousness, shooting up with baby blood, all flaws. Star Trek’s Captain Kirk for instance, although he was very Sue-y at times, was flawed because of his brash nature. He would often take action impulsively and without thinking about the entire situation, driven primarily by the emotion most affecting him at the moment.
If you were confused by the phrase Mary Sue, you could try searching for it on Google, or here’s a link to a related Wiki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_sue) and an article here that might be useful to you but another suggestion would be to make use of an online dictionary if English isn’t your first language or if you need help with your vocabulary. It most likely has pages on any phrases that might confuse you.
Sorry, that response was directed at your first post, not your second. It’s been raining here so my internet is very slow and prepping the post took a bit, plus I’m fiddling with other stuff.
That isn’t a flaw either.
You should google Limyaael’s Rants and read her rant on flawed characters. Because it talks about characters in general and not your characters specifically it will be less harsh. You really need to learn what is meant by a character flaw.
Finally, not using capitals at the beginning of sentences on a board of writers (amateur or otherwise) simply convinces them that you don’t care enough about writing to actually try. Some people genuinely can’t spell. Others honestly have problems with grammar. But lack of capitalization is just lazy. All it will achieve is you alienating the very people who are trying to help you, and will result in them withdrawing any offer of help.
The same as posting anonymously and just expecting us to know who you are.
I’m sorry if this seems harsh but I’m redrafting a fiction novel, writing a fiction novel, writing a non-fiction book, trying to keep up to date with 2 blogs, and build bebo and myspace accounts. I’m about to lose my job, desperately trying to find a new one, and I have three young kids. So I don’t really have time for people who can’t be bothered putting the effort in. Sorry.
She has ~300 rants now. You mean the one on flaw-scrubbing?
Quoting Anonymous: “ummmmmmmmmmm english plzzz”
Okay, rephrasing my original comment. Main characters generally need a flaw to be interesting. A flaw is anything that readers will not approve of or will cause the character to make mistakes. For example, maybe your character tries to take on too much because he’s greedy or wildly overconfident.
Good luck with your writing career– I would really recommend working on the capitalization, spelling and grammar. I don’t think I have the ability to help you get published in the next few years, so I’m going to let you go.
Her newest one.
http://limyaael.insanejournal.com/546732.html#cutid1
That’s about flawed characters, too. But the flaw scrubbing one is good, too.
I think B. Mac just fired Anonymaus, and possibly had that person assassinated via monkeys on a chain gang, armed with machetes and OMACs.
You really should copyright “So I’m going to let you go” like Donald Trump did “you’re fired” Or Michael Vicks did with “I’m an odd reference to make here!” Just a thought.
Donald Trump copyrighted you’re fired? I wonder if that was before or after Sir Alan Sugar made it his signature trademark on the Apprentice.
Hey this idea just hit me and I was wondering, if a cyborg born kid would be an okay idea?
Like his dad was in charge of a military program to breed cyborg soldiers, but his father decided to pull out of the program (didn’t like the government’s aggressive plans), but was eventually assassinated, however before his death he left the secret behind his research in his son’s body…
I’ve been quite stumped with how the character would have his cyborg powers, but hehehe this came to me outta nowhere, like a second before I was gonna write. Anyway do any of you think it’s an okay way to have cyborg powers? And yes it’s genetic; you get mini-cell sized nano-bots implanted into your system, during which they roboto-size you into a part man, part machine hybrid. But it’s a long process and you have to grow up with them in your system.
A person needs to grow with the nano-bots because it’s more reliable if they grow with your developing body rather than attaching to an already established adult body.
Oh and I’m familiar with B. Mac… Dunno if you remember me (I was the dude that kept calling himself an idiot, lol that cracks me up), I’d appreciate your answer.
A cyborg kid sounds workable. In fact, your story sounds quite a bit like the story of Cyborg. The nanotechnological edge was a good start at making the origin a little more original, but I’d recommend making it ever fresher. Give us something that will make us like your cyborg.
Hmm… I dunno, are you suggesting that I come up with some kinda gimmick to make him appealing or enjoyable? I’m stumped…
I’ll post somethin’ as soon as I can… But I’m busy right now.
I’m not telling you to come up with a gimmick. You want to avoid gimmicks. I’m telling you to make it fresh/ more original. What’s going to make your story unique from Cyborg or any other cyborg/android/robot story? Something about your story, whether it be the execution, the characterization, the plot, the moral story, etc needs to differentiate your story from the norm.
Do you understand? It’s something all writers have to do to compete in today’s market. Total originality is dead* so it’s up to modern artists now to tell the same stories in a way that makes them feel new and engages the reader for a new experience despite being in a genre that has been worked frequently. And of course, there are some ways you can be original with idea so it’s all about true authorship.
*I don’t think it’s dead, but it’s damn sure difficult to be completely original.
I agree with the original thing… Even if my idea seems somewhat original there’s always a few factors or two I can’t remove that aren’t completely original.
Anyway I came up with something… I thought about it and superheroes are usually too high & mighty, confident or energetic or cool nowadays, so why not create a main character/ hero who’s a complete and utter slacker!
I’m sure it’s probably been done before (it’s a big world, ya know?), but anyway when I say slacker, I mean a totally; careless, carefree and lazy superhero who really just wants a normal life but his powers keep him from having one, but he doesn’t really mind having them.
His name will be Samater (it’s a Somali name (I don’t really know how to spell it, I’ll find the spelling, my mom knows how it’s spelled I think..) But he’ll be referred to as Sam all the time, in fact I might never really reveal what his actual name is, and I need a surname… He’ll be a college student, around eighteen, in his freshman year and he’s from the the futuristic 23rd century.
His lazy attitude and carefree-ness are extreme to the point where he usually asks his enemies to please stop doing what they’re doing in an annoyingly casual manner (he rarely or never takes things seriously) instead of fighting head on, he also has a habit of losing his enemies and taking the opportunity to take a dump, he even at times runs away to use the toilet. But no I won’t be creating some baby-ish, childish superhero. The story will have some serious tones, but it’ll be funny most of the time too.
ex of his laziness:
Villain Captures Sam’s friend or anyone and here’s the conversation;
Sam: Please let her go. (In a very casual and calm but carefree tone)
Villain: …. LIKE HELL WOULD!
Sam: Aww, now I actually have to fight; don’t worry I’ll save you… (Says this very lazily)
Villain: This kid’s hopeless…
Well I could go on and try to make it actually humorous but meh, anyway he’ll be lazy, funny and he usually only gets made if he can’t find a toilet.
The person who’ll keep him in check is his side-kick; Neeia (Knee-ahh, made that name off some name I heard once, I think it was; Neela). An angry, impatient and short-tempered girl that’s actually basically his mascot. But now can’t decided whether she’ll actually be a front line sidekick or some kinda comforting friend at home.
Also, I was wondering; do you think he should be known to the public or have a secret identity. I also might add a computer geek friend, that does most of his tech stuff, but I plan for Sam to be a mechanical engineer following after his dad (without realizing it) so he might just do that himself.
So that’s what I kinda need, you seem real smart and experienced so; Do you think he should be publicly known or should he be a secret identity typa guy?
Should his sidekick be on the field with him or a kinda at home person, heck should she even exist?
And should he do his tech stuff alone or have a helper boy for that, or should he just do the tech stuff alone, while his friend does most of the computer stuff?
Well I’ll be waiting.
You’re asking a lot of questions that I think you as an author should answer. What would it add to the story if the side-kick worked the frontline or stay at the base? What would this helper boy really add to your story? Having a secret identity or not is a big factor. Would you like a story that has the drama of him leading two lives or one with the drama of those lives clashing?
These are aspects that help build your world so I think it’s best that you answer them. However, given the nature of your hero (lazy and carefree) it might be good to have a character willing to get into the action. Readers don’t want to see a character always trying to shirk responsibility.
I have some reservations about a character that’s meant to be lazy? Why would readers want to read about a character that doesn’t like to do anything? The way you plan to portray makes him sound like he’s lame. Why would people support a hero that let’s villains get away on account of his bowel? How do you plan on making him likable and relatable? How do you plan on propelling the story with a character that won’t take initiative? It would be horribly contrived if he just lucked his way into situations without trying?
What’s going to make me want to read about this slacker?
I was thinking about that at first. And it’s simply that he’s not entirely a slacker, he is a huge slacker but he does take action like you said when it counts. He actually doesn’t like violence so he pretty much hides that by acting all lazy and trying to resolve things by talking it over (never works, poor guy -_-)… The thing is he’s “real”; and his sidekick should be on the field in my opinion, I guess. She’ll kinda be what get’s him pumped up and here’s what makes him take action;
He loves everyone around him, even his enemies, well he cares about his enemies to some extent… But he has no issues with fighting them, if it means protecting the city he loves.
So I get what you mean; he can be a slacker; but not too much… It can be funny too, but I guess he should take action and be kinda serious at times, not actually serious, but he at least fights when he has to, and I guess the whole toilet thing is crazy, eh?
So he can pretty much be a clumsy and lazy guy, but on the battle field he becomes a lion that wants ta protect everyone…. So I guess it’d be okay if he’s a slacker but he understands his responsibilities to some extent, so he fights.
But I’d like it if he kinda stays funny in his fights, but they’ll be cool and serious… And one of the series’ moral codes, though it might change is to keep your friends and family close and hold no hatred for others in your heart.
I suppose that could work. I still think the character is a little generic (as far as I can tell), but that’s all up to your execution to make him unique. But keep it going, there’s nothing more tragic than an artist halted in their art.
Well I was watching batman beyond return of the Joker yesterday, and I remember, Joker saying; that he feels a hero usually needs a defining element of tragedy in his life.
Well for Sam his dad’s the tragedy, but come on, sure you’ll feel bad you never got to see your dad… But would you feel so horrible for losing someone you’ve never even met. So why don’t I also kill off his mom, around the time that he’s 13. And just to spice it up, he had a strong and extremely friendly, like a best friend kinda bond with his mother and it killed him when she died.
So his two best friends see him as a really brave and lucky person, because he’s able to still, smile and laugh and fight for what he thinks is right, even though he lost so much. This also helps me add an industrialist character that he might work under at some point, but I’m against him working for people, other than his sidekick and his computer dude. Sam flies solo. But that character will be his adoptive parent, his great aunt Zahra (Zah-ra). But that would make him rich, and I don’t think he should be rich, I’ll see.
But being orphaned has kinda been abused nowadays, huh? But the circumstances of orphanage may help. Most of these character lose both parents at once. I rarely ever hear of or see an instance where they lose their parents at very different times and in very different ways. (His mom will die of skin cancer)
So I guess he should be rather funny and calm, but when he becomes a hero… His personality becomes more focused and keen on his job (but I guess that’s been done though, it’s way too generic)…. As for his identity, I guess he should be known; it adds some element of danger to his life and it endangers his friends, which could be fun to work on.
But he’ll keep almost all his lazy attributes, but I guess he’ll still know that he has responsibilities, and one interesting fact will be that since he started out as a hero at the age of 17… and the series will start a year later. People in the city will be used to him and they pretty much love him and say thanks but some people still give him trouble. So yeah he’ll have a social life that doesn’t involve people loving him cos of what he does as a hero, but some people do and that bothers him a lot.
His flaw is that he’s naive, sure I agree that we shouldn’t have hate in us. But it’s his endless belief that his enemies will change that gets the better of him. And as he grows, to the disdain of his friends he starts having a dark outlook on villains, thinking some people were just to be evil.
He got into the hero business, cos his friends Neeia and John told him that his powers make it his responsibility to help people. Cos then he’d be wasting a gift, he at first didn’t like it but he gets more into his hero life than they ever expected, he sorta plunges into it, like a heroholic (lol).
Well so he’ll be a mixed person, with really dark attributes to fun and comedic attributes and also at the same time; he’ll be calm and relate-able. His life will be more real in comparison to other heroes… Whereas he’ll exhibit more “real” problems like dating or getting through college despite or having issues like getting keeeping his friends around despite his busyness… That’s not really relate-able but I’ll find some relate-able features that make readers feel that he’s ya know; a real person, not some unmatchable hero and persona like Superman or something.
I don’t know how to exactly express what he’ll be like but I hope you get it… And I was wondering do you think he should have a foe that he cares for, like a real big enemy that used to be a good friend, someone that he usually holds back or can’t bring himself to hurt badly and it annoys Neeia and John… I know I should be asking myself that but would you as a reader see in that kinda relationship.
Plus maybe he should be in High school, its more dramatic and social in High school. I mean do people even talk in college, to me it looks like you just take your classes and leave.
Schools the same kinda but they interact more and there way more classes with school, in uni- you can just take one and leave for the rest of the day, so you get the lack of social interaction. Unless you have an on campus dorm you’ll never really make much friends there, though I could be wrong.
I spend time with more people and have more of a social life in college than I ever did in college. But I’ve always lived on campus. I have a lot of friends who go to my college but live off campus as well.
The good thing about having a story set in an university setting is that you don’t have to worry about the MC answering to any sort of authority figure (some kind of parent or guardian); they are also free to roam at all hours (great if you’re out saving the world every night); and depending on the class or college, profs don’t really care whether you’re there or not. Well, at my uni, they care, but mine is really small.
Of course, them being in some kind of boarding school may be interesting as well. There are a lot of conflicts that come from high school stories that can add flavor to the story. (See everything I said about hs above.)
So far as your character goes, I think you’re def. in the pre-planning stages with him. Having the parents die can be overdone, so make sure to work a creative spin on their deaths. Or perhaps even give another reason why they may have abandoned him (perhaps it was their choice because they couldn’t handle him having super powers.)
Having friends who push him to be a hero may be a good reason for him to reluctantly begin fighting evil, but there has to be some driving force that makes him CONTINUE to fight. It could be something as simple as him inadvertently saving somebody’s life–their reaction to his heroic deeds, and a realization of what it means to be a hero.
Right now when I view what you have for your character, I see him as only the comedic relief team member in some superteam. He needs some more of a personality and some kind of drive to make readers want to continue reading. One thing I do like, however, is the idea that he will continually grows darker over the course of the book/series. I believe that as that happens, he should begin to distance himself more and more from his friends. However, overall, it is his friends that help him keep some sense of that earlier idealism and naivety that he had.
Hmm so why don’t I kinda abandon the whole comedic feature… And replace it with him being well sort of comedic but more confused, conflicted and angry but still very optimistic…
And I planned to change things so that his dad was killed by a criminal organization that originally planned the micro-cyborg program and when he sees that his dad was killed by criminals; he feels a sort of rage and wants to stop them, this gets to him to a point where he starts to consider killing criminals. And as for his mom, instead of killing like you said; how’s about she just abandons him because she just can’t take his powers; like she saw him as some kind of freak.
This can also be one thing that keeps him down; like everyone loves him and his powers but the one person he wanted admiration from abandoned him. So he kinda feels conflicted towards his powers. And yeah it’d be nice if he gets more cynical and obsessive as it goes on. But his friends try to keep him in check however he distances himself from them as it goes on, to the point where he just starts treating them like hired help. Like they don’t have a relationship, and all that matters is getting the “job” done.
He’ll optimistic but as it goes on he gets cynical and cold. But according to his friends he becomes much more efficient in the process. As he’s willing to do anything to get the job done and he doesn’t show much mercy. But I kinda find characters that kill bad ass but I don’t think he should kill… He shouldn’t fall that far from his moral code, of believing in the good in people.
He also doesn’t really believe in the police and government, heck as he gets darker he starts to believe that they’re in cahoots with criminal groups. My inspiration for him comes from these characters; Ron Stoppable(http://kimpossible.wikia.com/wiki/Ron ), Terry Mcginnis(http://dcanimated.wikia.com/wiki/Batman_(Terry_McGinnis) ) and Cole Mcgarath (http://infamous.wikia.com/wiki/Cole ) ( a vid game character, that I really like) Check those wiki pages if you wanna see what kinda people he’s inspired from.
So he’ll be more of a normal but over optimistic hero, that starts jade as it goes on, and he should have trust issues like maybe his friends do some things like take big risks and he feels like there’s no one to trust around him. Making him feel uneasy in the city.
“You’re asking a lot of questions that I think you as an author should answer.” I agree with RB on that. You can write a damn fine story with secret identities and you can write a damn fine one without them. Nor do I think one is substantially more likely to sell well than the other. It depends on the style of story you’re writing, I think. There are some factors that would lend a story better towards one or the other, though. For example, really large teams of superheroes tend not to have them, because there’s usually too much going on to focus on their alternate lives. (For example, I think alternate identities played a significant role in at most 3 Justice League episodes, Starcrossed 1-3).
I agree that a really lazy character might have trouble affecting the plot. Proactivity problems?
I think the toilet problems are a bit out there. Maybe they’d work if this were a comedy about a total bumbler like Inspector Closseau, but I don’t get that impression here.
Yeah, I’ve seen every JL episode (Well almost every episode) And they don’t go into their personal lives much, sure they go into love interests and moral codes and stuff, but they don’t actually show the heroes being normal.
That’s funny cos I was thinking of him joining, or part-timing with a global justice organization called SHARK, posing as a technologies firm called Shark-tech… So I guess his personal would be stale if he was all busy working for some big organization…
But who says he can’t have a personal life, it’ll kinda be like a part-time thing or kinda like how Mr. Lee is A.T.O.M ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_Teens_On_Machines ). It can work, plus I’m a fan of shows when being a hero kinda seems like an everyday factor life to the character or when it’s like a job (but still enjoyable, not too serious).
But I don’t like it too much, whcih way it should be a sorta once in a while thing he does…
He works for SHARK, for a simple reason. Though his micro-nano bot cyborg powers are the most advance cyborg modifications ever. They do have weapons systems, softwares and features that are quite outdated. So SHARK upgrades and updates his systems for him and in return he does jobs for them whenever they ask him to, no strings attached and they can only ask him to do jobs that serve the greater good/ jobs that mean he’ll be helping people.
well my character Anarchy doesn’t really care if his identity is exposed b/c he figures i am a pyrokinetic so they would think twice b4 telling sum 1 anyway
Here’s a cool character that has pyrokenisis, well here’s the page on his powers. But makin’ your character like him would make him too invincible though.
http://onepiece.wikia.com/wiki/Mera_Mera_no_Mi
But the reason he’s rather invincible is cos this guy can turn into fire, as in he can be intangible…. And I guess it’s not good to make your main just too unbeatable… That character’s only weakness would be water and a few other things unique to the series like seastone (no need for you to know).
Also I was wondering if it’d be cool if he were obnoxious and greedy, as in he usually tries to accept rewards but his sidekick Neeia, turns them down before he can and he loves the attention people give him. It’s definitely a flaw that can get in the way of a fight, I mean he can’t concentrate if he’s trying to show off. It seems better than some guy that wants a normal life, while that adds some conflict to the character it kinda symbolizes a weak personality and mains usually need to be strong, even if they’re naive or young. They need some kinda brave feature that makes them excel, ya know/
And well I think he should meet a foe that destroys him, hence kinda stepping all over his notion that he’s unstoppable (he’s obnoxious and overconfident). The enemy will be a guy that’s been training from the age of 4 to 20, to gain the absolute potential of his Human body. And yes he used some dangerous martial arts training to get to such a level, he’ll be the bad ass of the series I guess, evil but cool.
He’ll be pretty much impervious; he gets hurt but lets say an attack that would normally shatter any other person would probably just slightly fracture him, he’ll also be incredibly strong to the point where he rivals Sam’s monster cyborg strength, he’ll also be agile and he’ll wield two very dangerous Scimitars that he built himself, they’re made of a special metal that can even damage Sam’s body.
Also like Sam; he’s overconfident, but instead of having a love for attention he loves to kill, but he likes attention to some extent, so he hates Sam for thinking he’s the best.
He’ll pulverize Sam, worse than anyone has ever done and that although it won’t change him will teach him a lesson; “No matter how tough you are, there’s always someone better”.
I think this guy should work for some kinda opposing organization (against SHARK; the organization Sam runs errands for here and there), heck maybe even the one that killed Sam’s dad.
But he sounds more like a rival-ish character not an arch foe, so that seat is still reserved.
Oh and Kid_Anarchy, though I’m using this name for a group/ syndicate in one of my comics; if you’re still having trouble with naming a fire character then try Wildfire or heck try Blaze or any of these; Pyranus (yeah they all sound childish, but Blaze seems cool to me.)
I can try to think of others if you want.
“Also I was wondering if it’d be cool if he were obnoxious and greedy, as in he usually tries to accept rewards… and he loves the attention people give him.” It sounds a lot like the Human Torch. Also, these antiheroic elements will probably be more effective if something heroic balances them out. I’m not seeing that so far.
I’d be careful with obnoxious characters. They can work very well, but they can also blow up spectacularly in your face. I think the successful Dr. House is the exception and the widely-reviled Sentinel is the norm.
He’s not like John Storm, I’d say he fits Ben Tennyson more… He’s obnoxious to the extent where he thinks he can’t be beaten and he takes his super hero status too seriously, usually joking around about how he needs super-powered friends cos his friends have none.
He’s no geek but he likes comic books and although it gets in the way of having a normal life he likes his powers cos he has a chance to mimic the heroes he reads about. Btw I came up with his balancing force the moment I made up the obnoxious idea, it’ll be Neeia, his best friend (well one of his best friends), she’ll be the person that keeps in check and makes sure he doesn’t take rewards, basically she has all of his good features, she completes him.
And he’s a nice person normally, he just gets really cocky when he fights or when the subject he’s talking about involves being a hero.
*keeps him in check…
And btw, you once said it wasn’t easy to do both the art and story work on a comic by yourself, while I wouldn’t mind help. I kinda think it’d be boring just writing stories, I’d rather also draw them but heh if we’re talking partners I have several people I think would be awesome, but I’m not the kinda guy to enjoy partners, some help and some great ideas are fine by me, but I don’t go with partners, but we’ll see.
http://light-comics.deviantart.com/
I don’t like sharing this group with anyone, but meh check it out, it’s a deviantart group i founded.. Some of the members are already making their own comic series and they do both the art work and story work… But I did ran into this one dude that did the story and someone was doing the art for him, but he’s not in the group. But we’ll see what I choose when I’m older, eh? Who knows I might even become something completely different from an author.
But I’m just saying is it really that tough?
“You once said it wasn’t easy to do both the art and story work on a comic by yourself… is it really that tough?”
Very few writers are good enough at art (or vice versa). Ideally, both the art and writing would be in the top 1% of all submissions.*
Encouraging signs that your art might be good enough:
–People are already paying you hundreds or thousands of dollars to make art for them.
–You work professionally with art or something like visual design.
–A comic book you illustrated (but didn’t write) was published.
Encouraging signs that your writing might be good enough:
–Your writing has hundreds of thousands of readers.
–You’ve professionally published in another medium, such as novels.
–You write professionally (i.e. journalism, advertising, communications, etc).
–A comic book you wrote (but didn’t illustrate) was published.
It’s not impossible to do both the art and the writing, but I wouldn’t recommend trying unless you’ve had significant success in at least one of the two fields.
*Alternately, if either the writing or the art is miraculously good, the publisher may overlook the other. However, if the writer or artist is THAT talented, it’s usually obvious beforehand. (IE: he’s a best-selling novelist or she sells tens of thousands of dollars worth of art every year).
I can’t be doing any of those things (I’m 15) and plus I’m revamping my art-style… My old-style was too reminiscent of other artists’ work and plus I was rushing it before, so now I’ll take it slow and master everybody part or type separately and one by one, and I kinda got the idea of doing both the story and art from the Japanese..
Manga artists do their art and story for a 20 to 17 to 16 pages chapter on a weekly basis, for any serial/ series they’re writing… But I don’t think i’ll much free time if I have to work on a weekly basis, but I could be wrong but I would take any offer that involves me having more time to do my work.
Plus if I have to make such drastic compromise like giving up drawing my work then I’d rather quit, but we’ll see. I’m just not a fan of plain writing… For now that is, it’s the sketches that bring things ta life and I guess I kinda wanted to do that myself…
No worries. There are some Western publishers that prefer submissions by writers that do their own artwork. Antarctic Press, for example.
Perhaps not surprisingly, AP series tend to accept subpar art. I think the following cover would get laughed out of the office at pretty much any other U.S. publisher. I’m not being entirely facetious when I claim I could do a better job coloring this. And I’m completely serious when I say I could come up with a far superior cover concept than the main character’s talking head.
If AP doesn’t work out, I think a lot of author-illustrators self-publish. (It helps keep costs down).
Hahaha, that would be funny, but interesting, I’d see how they go about it… But writing comic books about people that still alive is a bit weird, I mean what if they hate how you interpret their life. lol, but who knows…
Well, they do a lot of fiction. I just used the Obama profile as an example because so many publishers have done a similar cover and made it look so much better.
“Very few writers are that good at art (or vice versa).”
Not yet, buddy. But just you wait.
RB, I think your art is pretty good. I suspect within a few years you’ll be proficient enough that random DeviantArt users will want to pay you for it, and maybe a few years after that you can get publishers to pay.
I came up with a new hero/ character…
Name: Aden Ali (A-dun A-li)
( I need a better second name)
Abilities: Super strength, Earth Manipulation/ Mineral manipulation and abnormal durability.
Residence: Bosaso, Somalia
Timeline: 23rd century
He’s a normal kid from a countryside town his dad’s an electrician and his mom’s a social worker. He’s randomly rude; making annoying remarks whenever he wants but he follows it up with a “no offense”, most of his comments can be humorous , he never takes anything seriously but he has a sense of responsibility.
You see it’s not in his nature to act serious but he acts like a hero because his parents taught him to use his powers to help people and not to use them for his own selfish means. He has a habit of taking reckless risks even when he knows they won’t work, just because he’s doesn’t think he can come up with anything better, even though he can, this being his flaw, along with his overconfidence that usually leads him to belittle even the toughest of foes.
Oh and one poster mentioned how having origin stories can be annoying, so yeah; he was just born with his powers… Origin stories leave a lot to think about or alter, but I could be wrong, ya know?
Oh and his random attitude goes beyond his rudeness… He simply has a habit of bringing up subjects at random and awkward times.
He has two friends that he considers very close; Neela Ken and Coop Denver, they keep him grounded and Coop usually acts as Aden’s friendly support and tech-guy, but Aden does some of that himself, being a mechanic and Neela; well she’s the short-tempered girl that makes sure he doesn’t get too full of himself …
Oh and he doesn’t have a costume, he wears; shorts and a short-sleeved T-shirt with an occasional over-shirt or jacket. Also everyone knows who he is, but not everyone likes him. Some people say he’s a demon, some political opportunists think he’s a menace, you get it.
Anyway I’m still developing him but I kinda like this character, though I still don’t know how Earth powers could be cool… They could be but, water or fire or air would be cool but they’re overused, so is lightning, but water’s not used too much, I guess.
I’m using water, but I bet I’ve got tricks no one has thought of.
The character sounds like a slightly different version of the other character you were talking about. Doesn’t take things seriously, but has a sense of responsibility and is overconfident. Although, Aden seems to be a little more on the brusque side as opposed to Sam’s laziness. Is Aden replacing Sam or is he just another character for another story?
If you brainstorm I bet there’s a ton of cool things you could do with earth. As long as he’s not in the air or in an inpenetrable space he should be able to get the job done. That said, if he were in those situations he may be able to control the dust as a weapon.
Well I haven’t decided if he’ll be another character or a replacement but given their similarities, he should be a replacement. Don’t wanna have two rather similar characters, ya know…
But I thought of his powers in that way too, but it’s just that it can’t be dynamic like Fire or Wind would, but I’ve thought of something for now,and it can be like fire or air if he uses dust, I guess..
Water? That was the original power of “King”, the main character of Battle (for anyone else reading this, you might not get it, but Rb might cos he’s in my DA group),
I came up with some stuff for it too… Like being able to harden it by forcing the particles together, basically making it a solid rather than a liquid but it maintains it’s transparent look… He would use it in this manner when creating giant or just simple water body parts to pummel people, like a giant water fist or extensions for his legs and arms. Here’s another one; using that same power of solidification to crush people with the vapor in the air (just made that up, I originally just meant for him to just use it, but it’s too brutal or too long range like). He also engulfs his hands with constantly spinning/ spiraling water spheres that amplify his impact ability and his destructive power… I forgot most of the stuff though….
You can use all that if you want, but they’re relatively simple, so you might’ve thought of ‘em already. Or not..
Oh and if you’ve heard of Fairy Tail, I suggest you use Natsu Dragneel as some kinda reference for your fire character’s powers…
I don’t do fire characters. That’s just a rule I’ve made for my art. However, I do have a character that uses heat as her powers. I like that a lot better.
With water, I’ve already got those, although pummeling isn’t the style of combat I like to give my characters. I prefer precision and tactic. Using a thin jet of water to slice things or shoot like an arrow. I like your spinning water idea; I had a similar idea that works as armor that erodes oncoming attack.
“He’s a normal kid from a countryside town his dad’s an electrician and his mom’s a social worker. He’s randomly rude; making annoying remarks whenever he wants but he follows it up with a “no offense”…” If he’s going to be rude, please don’t make him wuss out with “no offense.” The readers that are into rude characters will probably find it a sign of weakness and the readers that are put off by rudeness will probably not give him all that much latitude because he regretted it afterwards.
Quoting “What Makes a Character Likable?“: “Stark characterization. Please don’t make your characters “kind of an ass” or “sort of brave” or whatever. Go big! It’ll be more distinctive and interesting than a hero that just sort of does whatever is most convenient for the plot. Also, it will raise the stakes and make the conflicts sharper.”
…
“he never takes anything seriously but he has a sense of responsibility.” That seems contradictory to me. Could you explain how/why he has a sense of responsibility even though he takes nothing seriously? What you say about his parents teaching him to help people makes him sound like he DOES take helping people seriously.
…
I like the taunting. However, that suggests he’s competitive and/or derisive, which 1) doesn’t come up elsewhere in his personality and 2) would probably suggest that he takes his work seriously. (Is there any way to trash-talk someone without caring that you’re better than them?)
…
“He was just born with his powers. Origin stories leave a lot to think about or alter, but I could be wrong, ya know?” I don’t mind him being born with his powers, but it may actually raise MORE questions than something like a chemical accident, because a chemical accident is a one-time thing that affects the story’s universe in a small way. In contrast, someone being born with superpowers raises questions about why he was born with powers, whether there are other such people, etc.
“Oh and his random attitude goes beyond his rudeness… He simply has a habit of bringing up subjects at random and awkward times.” Why? Presumably he’s not being rude just to be rude. Is there some reason he acts this way? (For example, one reason somebody might be rude is if they just haven’t been around people enough to know what is acceptable, or they might be so egocentric that they don’t care).
No, he’s just an ass, he’s not actually serious about insulting people, he just finds it amusing or at times he just likes messing with them.
Hey but as for the whole not serious but responsible thing it works quite fine. It basically means he doesn’t have the whole attached and dark theme, like Superman or Batman or anyone else, he rarely acts like he’s serious and he really is to some degree. He makes jokes and taunts people but everyone can see that he has some sense of responsibility towards protecting people, ya get it, he feels that he should protect the city and help people but he’s not all cut throat and insane about it;,he still has time to act normal and have fun, Flash’s attitude would be a good example.
He wants to save people but he’s not all hardcore, angry or crazily driven to the point where he has some kinda messiah complex or some kinda dark persona. But yes he takes saving people’s lives rather seriously, but he doesn’t take it so seriously that it changes him but yeah, he truly loves everyone around and him and he’s quite empathetic.
@RB
Well that’s cool, but fire’s quite cool.
And well I’m use to giving alotta my characters well; very destructive powers. But well at least like the top three or so. But those limbs can be used for something different, they don’t need to pummel people, you can just use them to grab or trap people etc.
Oh and will you make your character intangible; like water wise or is that overused. I mean it’s used in Naruto, I saw some weird girl in this One Piece movie that could manipulate some kinda liquid presumably water; and she could turn into it. Heck it’s also used on Hydro man. Anyway I suggest you don’t make your main characters invincible, cos while it can be bad ass, I guess it would be just plain dry to some people, maybe… Plus you’ll have to come up with villains that have kinda weakness of his or heres every time. If it’s a villain then being intangible is pretty cool for a villain.
Ah, but this character’s still like a proto-type to a proto-type, I’m not even done yet. Heck I might consider changing his powers, it’s too common but I considered fire, although it’s cool, I don’t think he should have fire powers.
I was gonna consider ice, in fact that was my first guess… But that makes him seem like Cole Mcgarath from INFAMOUS… (He has electricity manipulation and ice powers and the ability to travel through time, though I don’t think he’s accessed his time travel powers yet….) But Ice could work I guess.
But anyway, what would any of you as readers find cooler; ice, earth or fire?
I think Ice is the best, I’m a bit stumped with earth and well fire seems too destructive used, or that’s just me. So yeah he’ll have ice powers.
I’ve made some adjustments to him;
1. He’s laid back and he loves attention but he masks that by acting like he hates reporters when he reality he loves the attention they give him.
2. He’s immature and overconfident and he’s rarely serious but he has a strong sense of justice and truly cares for the people around him, so he may seem goofy or funny but he’s really; an empathetic, loving and kind-hearted person.
3. He has a a moral code like superman or whatnot, and hence he’s completely against killing. His father was a cop, and as a child Aden noticed how his father’s guilt over killing people, really messed up his sleep and his emotions. So he learned from his dad and decided to never kill. But he can be rough at times and it could take one of his friends to stop, he usually stops when they yell at him or just plain ask him to stop going berserk.
4. Yes he can get pissed but he rarely does, he usually has issues with criminals that have killed/ murdered. Usually being unable to be next to them.
Oh and here’s a new adjustment:
5. His friend Cooper has powers too, both Aden and Cooper believe they were born with their powers, however Coopers abilities are based on manipulating machines and electricity. He chooses not to fight and acts as Aden’s own private back up when it comes to gathering info, creating weapons etc.
6. Neela is still in the plot but she’s a cop that usually helps him out, she’s usually the person that he comes to instinctively when he’s confused (and yes though it may not seem like it, she will be possibly be a recurring and very important character).
Oh and P.S; he’ll be known to the city however he keeps who his friends and family are a secret, plus his parents live in a very small village that no one really knows about, and the village is on an uncharted island so he believes they’re safe…
Anyway I hope these adjustments make him more superhero like or just “real” and yes I have a story for why they both have powers.
Sure there are many similarities between him and the last profile but these are just adjustments (it’s not a total revamp).
Oh and he’ll be a college student and a part-time story writer (might change his profession)
Also; Cooper was once in trouble with the law; he spent six months in Juvvie and as a result he learned a lot about the criminal underworld that his fellow young inmates knew about, so he helps Aden with black market snooping or anything that involves reading criminal tactics.
Could I recommend doing something other than a fiction writer? I think heroes that are also fiction writers tend to be self-inserts for the author. The similarities between the character and you might be less obvious if he were a nonfiction author (like a journalist or whatever). If the character shares significant similarities with you, I would recommend making it clear that the character’s performance of his job leaves a hell of a lot to be desired (so that you’re not idealizing him). For example, maybe he’s hilariously bad at writing fiction and everything he writes turns out like some demented fan-fiction of his favorite series.
…
“Anyway I suggest you don’t make your main characters invincible, cos while it can be bad ass, I guess it would be just plain dry to some people…” Yeah, I think it would be pretty boring. Crazy competence can be a lot of fun, like (say) Robin preemptively poisoning a kung fu master BEFORE she challenges him to a fight, but being invincible by virtue of superpowers is not very dramatic and does not make the character very impressive.
…
“But anyway, what would any of you as readers find cooler; ice, earth or fire?” Of the three, I like ice best. However, I am generally a bit leery of elemental control. It’s been used a LOT and I think the characters generally tend to be pretty forgettable. (If Marvel and DC got rid of all of their elemental-themed characters tomorrow, the only one I’d miss is Mr. Freeze, mostly because his backstory is compelling and not because of anything related to his superpowers).
Hmm, I was already shaky on him being a writer, I was all for him being a mechanic but that would make Cooper a bit useless (why would you need a tech sidekick if you can do that yourself).
I’ll find a new job for him and come on, element characters rock, who’s forgotten the Human torch or who will?
Oh and Ice isn’t really his main power. As a child he was fused with a powerful device called the Power arc, it was a secret illegal program used on infants, his one was put on him when he was born, the doctor said he’d run some tests on him and you can guess what he was actually doing (don’t be sick).
Most of the test subjects died as they grew and some of them were fused with smaller arcs carrying only a few abilities (those types mostly survived). He’s the only known survivor when it came to his arc-type. It awakens the various potentials of the Human body including some added features, long story short; he has the potential to gain hundreds of super powers… He just doesn’t know it yet. He gains more and more as it goes on.
I mean come on sure
Superhuman Strength
Superhuman Agility
&
Enhanced Durability
Fit well together but cryokinesis (ice powers) is a bit off the track. It’s like having superman’s powers mixed up with John Storm’s, or is that not weird?
“Oh and will you make your character intangible; like water wise or is that overused. I mean it’s used in Naruto, I saw some weird girl in this One Piece movie that could manipulate some kinda liquid presumably water; and she could turn into it. Heck it’s also used on Hydro man. Anyway I suggest you don’t make your main characters invincible, cos while it can be bad ass, I guess it would be just plain dry to some people, maybe… Plus you’ll have to come up with villains that have kinda weakness of his or heres every time. If it’s a villain then being intangible is pretty cool for a villain.”
Originally, I wanted to give Showtime (my hero) the ability to liquify and be able to vaporize as a form of evasion and teleportation. But then I realized I don’t like teleportation and I wanted him to control water instead of become it. Until his genetic alterations kick in he still has a human physiology.
With water in popular media most character make gargantuan waves (Kisame) and spiraling waterfall cannons(Tia Harribel) and other things that don’t use water for it’s full lethal effectiveness. The reason I didn’t give Showtime the ability to create water was because I wanted him to be able to work with what he’s given. Therefore he can’t be all that destructive so his victory relies on his creativity with his resources and his own competence. He’s not invincible he just has skills and finesse.
I tend to not make my powers intentionally destructive. In fact, I prefer powers that lend themselves to tight spaces. There are certain powers that I’ve sworn to myself I won’t write:
- Superstrength and/or invulnerability- I hate invincible characters
- Fire – Lame and overused, in my opinion.
- Superspeed – Don’t care for it.
- Teleportation – It’s like cheating.
I hear ya when it comes to teleportation it’s to invincible but superstrength isn’t really all that invincible.
Hey don’t be harsh on super-speed…And fire’s awesome, but yeah it’s overused, I guess.
Anyway you’re character sounds good, but I guess you don’t want him to be goofy or otherwise incompetent like most of the main characters nowadays… At least some of ‘em are like that. But hey a perfect main character isn’t really a good thing, but I’m sure you have something planned…
* too invincible…
“But hey a perfect main character isn’t really a good thing, but I’m sure you have something planned…”
Are you implying that I’m trying to make Showtime perfect, because 1) you’d be sorely underestimating my knowlegde and 2) he’s not, he’s just not useless. He works on his own in the field so he needs to be competent enough to get the job done. In his first fights I plan for him to do a lot of running as a way to escape danger and set traps for the enemy. He’ll be goofy, but not incompetent.
Whoa Whoa , when I wrote; “But I’m sure you have something planned” I meant i knew he probably wasn’t like that, plus I was gonna add that you seem like a very smart person so you wouldn’t make a mistake like that but I didn’t bother.
I’m not implying anything… Take it easy. And a loner of a character isn’t too good of influence if you’re aiming for younger readers, kids don’t need to think that being alone is a good thing, trust me I thought it was and I acted like an ass, it’s not a good thing but again I’m sure that’s not your plan, you’re too good/ smart for that and plus working alone isn’t bad, just as long as he’s not completely, like outside his hero life.
Anyway relax.
Yeah, he works alone in the field, but he’s backed up by Jimelly, a batty alien chemist, and Lae’ Trelle, an intergalactic pilot and avid human-hater. He’s an apprentice by technicality. He occasionally gets back-up from other apprentices.
Sorry for getting a bit brusque. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people undermine my intelligence.
Oh well I’ll try to be careful…
And it’s all good bro
.
Some superpowers that I’ve vowed to never use:
–Invulnerability/reincarnation (too hard to challenge/threaten). Probably wouldn’t be a problem for a villain, though.
–Flying Bricks, superheroes that fight mainly by hurtling themselves at the enemy (their fight scenes are usually awful).
–Time travel, except when severely restrained by time limits and other obstacles (otherwise, it’s too hard to challenge the characters). I think it could work for a villain.
–Time-stopping or otherwise moving too quickly for other combatants to interact with. If the character’s faster than, say, a racecar, I think it’ll make choreographing a fight-scene a real pain.
–Teleportation, unless limited in some way like charge-up time or total distance traveled (otherwise, it would be probably too easy for the character to escape from danger). Could maybe work for a villain.
–Reality warping/manipulation/anything similar. I think it’s too hard to let readers know what’s possible and what’s not. Unless readers know the limits beforehand, it’ll probably feel like the author is making it up as he goes along. (Magical characters sometimes suffer from similar problems, but you may be able to avoid the problems by introducing a finite number of spells rather than just letting the characters pull out new spells whenever they need them).
–”The most common superpower” (preposterously large breasts or biceps). I think these insult the readers and I suspect it’s easier to take a character seriously that doesn’t look like a sex symbol. Also, umm, a character that is too buff will probably look disgusting rather than sexy.
The only character I gave “the most common superpower” to was Black Lace. C’mon even if you’re on a diet you can always have a little cheesecake. Other than that I want my people to look mostly realistic Adrian in the forefront rocking that signature slender frame.
Being muscular if it’s not too muscular, is a good thing… I mean are we suppose ta encourage people to be fat. It’s not just about your looks; being fat messes up your health, your agility, heck at times even your strength and activeness.
In my opinion they shouldn’t be too buff, but they should at least have some muscle like Spiderman, he has muscles, every muscle anyone could ask for but he still looks slim or normal. That’s a good physique, not too buff looking or buff looking at all but they still have muscles.
Who said anything about fat characters? Adrian is slender in physique which I think is more realistic than a bunch of steroid superheroes. Of course, some people are mesomorphs and do have that naturally muscular physique so they’ll be represented too. Eric, a hotshot social king, will probably be muscular to offset Adrian’s thinness seeing as they are rivals.
Wasn’t talking about you, it’s just that B. Mac made it sound like fit characters were making readers feel bad, but I could be wrong…
And slender’s a good physique btw, it’s basically consists of some muscle but skinny and toned at the same time, which is good. And don’t make him too 100% skinny, I’m sure you won’t but if you plan on him being strong, a guy with absolutely no muscle won’t have much of that. But you’re good, I’m sure you have it all planned out.
This is an okay physique;
http://seat42f.com/images/stories/tvshows/Heroes/Season3/Promo/milo-ventimiglia-peter-petrelli-heroes.jpg
Skinny looking but he has some decent muscle underneath, get it…
Well normal looking, not really skinning
“Being muscular if it’s not too muscular, is a good thing… I mean are we suppose ta encourage people to be fat. … B. Mac made it sound like fit characters were making readers feel bad, but I could be wrong.”
Characters that are athletic should look athletic. I would just recommend against going preposterously overboard. Personally, I’d much rather my supersoldier characters look like soldiers or athletes than professional bodybuilders or supermodels. Going too far in that direction can have unintended consequences: the Captain America above looks neither attractive nor badass. He looks like a freak.
My rule of thumb is that I wouldn’t take a character more than 25% beyond the limits of human anatomy without a really good reason. For example, maybe he’s not human, or I’m trying to make him look creepy and/or barely human, or I want him to look villainous. In short, I wouldn’t stretch the limits of human anatomy unless I was trying to make the character look unappealing and/or inhuman.
PS: If a character is not physically fit, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making him overweight.
That’s kinda what I meant, there’s no reason to make ‘em look like freakin’ body-builders, but for guys like batman, it makes you wonder why they don’t look like that, I mean with all the stuff he does, ya know.
But an athletic physique or soldier like physique works fine, it’s kinda what I was talking about, muscular but really normal looking, like you can’t notice their muscle when you look at ‘em.
And did they actually feature that pic in an issue or is fan art O_o?
Anyway sorry if I came off a little too strongly and sorry again!
The Captain America is legit. The artist, Rob Liefeld, sort-of-apologized here. “I’ll probably never live down that shot of Cap. His chest is ridiculous. It’s just obscene.”
I felt like vomiting when I looked at it, or somewhat, he looks like super muscular version of a chubby short guy or whatever.
Oh and sorry if I change my ideas a lot but, do you think a shapeshifting character/ hero would be cool, but he shape-shifts completely, like if he does the form he was in is the form he’ll die in, like for the moment if he doesn’t decide to change back. That form would be his permanent one, he literally alters his body. Not like some magic charm crap.
He’ll use it in creative ways and I might have him copy other people’s powers in their forms by in a much weaker state or if it’s more original, at the same level. But he’ll develop that later on, I guess. Sounds too powerful for something to start with, maybe…
Whadaya think?
Now I was thinking of Ben 10 ( http://ben10.wikia.com/wiki/Ben_Tennyson ) and I looked into another character created by Man of Action (a group); http://rexapedia.wikia.com/wiki/Rex .
And their powers are diverse and especially when it comes to Ben’s there’re tonnes of possibilities, heck even Rex’s I guess.
So I was trying to come up with a character who has supernatural but diverse and endless/ boundless powers. And I came up with one; Max, a teenager with the ability to absorb the properties of whatever’s around him. In the beginning he’s limited to, energy or nature… for example
If he’s in a hot place he can copy the properties of the heat and manipulate heat or even control fire. If he touches any kinda of inanimate object he can copy it’s properties but in a projectile form. Max’s problem is that he can’t transform completely or basically become what he’s copying. He can only turn too small body parts into it or portions of his body meaning he can only emit flames from his hands or control heat from them, so he prefers to either make his hands strong metals for punching or even fire metals out of his hands at people (he can turn almost anything into a projectile weapon).
He can copy anything, ex; anything in the electromagnetic spectrum, any form of nature; wood, fire, water, air, minerals, metals etc. and anything like magnetism or well just plain anything… He’ll be limited at first but later on he gets that he can even copy animals and people; pretty much shape-shift into them but he’ll still be limited to only his hands transforming (making people copying useless, I guess, unless they have powers, but even then he gets a weaker form of their powers). When he tries to fully transform it practically kills him and he gets exhausted, it feels tougher with more powerful forms like diamonds or really hot fire etc.
And as a power limiter his body is only capable of absorbing one property perhour, and even so he can’t maintain his powers that long. It’ll probably last for ten minutes or 30 minutes or just 20… I mean having full access to all those powers when ever he wants would be way overpowered.
I haven’t come up with a surname but it might be Max Trans or Max Tyler, we’ll see
Whadaya think?
Greetings. I’m a new poster here, but I’ve been hanging around for a little. This is a very helpful site and has already helped me quite a bit.
I’m working on a ‘hero’ story of my own but am concerned about my perspective, that I might be a bit biased about my creation. I wasn’t sure where precisely to post my major question but decided here would be best.
The Question:
Is it a ‘bad’ or unattractive idea to have your main hero be normal? To put a normal, mostly average human in a super-powered world?
A bit of explanation as to the plot-line I am currently pursuing.
Superheros and their powers exists, and one in particular (though the public takes a long time to notice this) is going insane. Being driven to dark deeds by their power. The main character is an average female with minor character strengths (the most prominent being a photographic memory), who takes up the slack.
I’m curious as to the general consensus.
I think the idea of a main character being less powerful than most of the other characters (and/or completely unpowered) is very attractive. In The Taxman Must Die, the main character is an accountant thrown onto a team where everybody else is a mutant alligator, or a Nobel-calibre biochemist, or a commando, or a shape-shifter, or an scientist that says (possibly in jest) that he could make an atomic-grade detonation with a dump truck worth of baking powder, fifteen minutes, and a trip to Radio Shack.
By virtue of being the most ordinary person on the cast, I assume that the accountant will be more relatable and that he’ll be challenged to fit in and survive in a field where expectations are superhuman. (Also, as the title suggests, he’s being targeted for assassination).
This is yet another wonderful article.
I love reading your stuff!
G7
Great article!
I am in the character development process and I will use this questionaire to flesh out my main and secondary characters. Thank you!
That Captain America picture has to be the most disturbing set of abs I’ve ever seen in my entire life. o_0
Wow haven’t been on in awhile. I’m currently working on a project and i’ve got most of the origin and backstory set up but I need help moving foward.
How’s a hero who doesn’t trust people much and is most reserved and to himself and well rather violent. Reason- his older brother once betrayed him and killed the woman he loved when they were young.
They’re superhumans and his older brother believed that their kind should rule the planet since they’re more in touch with nature. His brother wants to find a special orb that gives its user unimaginable power, he’ll use his powers to kill everyone and start the world anew.
Their powers come from spiritual orbs in their bodies, these orbs come from another dimension where mystical creature souls are taken, these souls eventually combine with with a compatible Human…. The hero of the series wants to find and kill his brother to stop him (cliche plot but it’s a short story). In the story he also makes friends that he actually trusts and learns from them that true strength is with you when you’re with the ones you love.
“How’s a hero who doesn’t trust people much and is most reserved and to himself and well rather violent.” Hmm. Will he be likable? (On the plus side there, it looks like readers will sympathize with his objective, at least, if perhaps not his means).
I’d like to get some feedback on an X-men Evolution character I’m working on, if that’s alright… I may edit her info later to perhaps use her in an original work, but for now I’m probably going to stick to using her as a Role-Playing/Fan-fiction character until I get some ideas for a plot.
Thanks!
Name: Emily J. (Jason, after her father) Nocturne
Codename: Hawkeye (I’m not quite sure if this is taken or not…)
Nickname: “Tweety”
Age: Undecided, though preferably high school age.
Hair: Straight dirty blonde hair cut in a choppy bob hairstyle just above her shoulders. It always seems to be slightly messy and windswept, much to the confusion of her classmates and friends.
Eyes: Slightly slanted, dark brown.
Skin: A little bit tanned from sunlight, but otherwise fairly clear, much to her relief.
Height/Body build: 5’1″/Short and thin pixie-like frame, which luckily for her allows her to run a bit faster than most people, making it easier for her to gain some speed when getting ready to transform and fly (will be explained).
Her powers: She has the ability to morph into most any sort of bird, provided she knows what they look like in detail, and she can picture them clearly in her head… Pelican, Dove, Hawk, Eagle, Vulture… Chicken. You name it, she can change into it, provided she has full details on their appearences and bodily features. (Forgive me for the brief description, but I’m not sure of just how much detail can be put into this sort of power, after writing out the rest of this.)
How these powers emerged, and how she discovered them: As is the case with many mutants, her powers emerged suddenly, during a moment of extremely heightened emotion. In this case: Fear and adrenaline.
While on a hiking/camping trip during a school field trip into the mountains, she got distracted by something one of her friends was saying. She walked too close to the edge and her foot slipped off the ledge, causing her to fall much to the fear and alarm of her classmates and teachers. However, as she began nearing solid ground again as she fell, she squinted her eyes shut… but the impact did not come. Confused, she opened her eyes again, she was in the least shocked when she discovered herself covered in feathers, and soaring (if sloppily) rather than falling. She had somehow unknowingly caused herself to turn into a breed of red-tailed hawk that she had before seen flying around the mountains. In her surprise, she suddenly changed back to her usual human self, and fell just a few feet more before hitting the ground. When she finally made it back to her classmates’ camping site, they all asked her in shock and wonder how she had survived that fall, if she was alright, if she needed to go to the hospital… when she told her friends of what had happened, they looked confused for a moment before they jokingly began suggesting that she must have hit her head pretty damn hard on the rocks to come up with that story. Dismayed at not being believed, over the next few days she began to wonder if she really /had/ just imagined it… it got to the point of bothering her so much that one day while her parents were out of the house she went out to their fenced-in backyard and tried to make it happen again.
Finding herself unable to do it, she opened her eyes and noticed a robin sitting on top of the fence. She carefully examined it’s appearence and then focused solely on that, soon finding herself it’s exact copy in appearence. Overjoyed at the fact that she wasn’t crazy after all, she continued to practice morphing until one day she was confronted at school by a certain Miss Jean Gray, who told her of what she was, and of the Xavier Institute. Finally, she managed to work up the nerve to tell her parents of all that had occured, and after giving it a good bit of worry and consideration, her parents gave her their blessing to transfer to Bayville High (I think that’s what it’s called) so that she could live at the Institute with other mutants such as herself. During her education there, in both regular school matters and in those of her powers, she would eventually train herself to the point of partial transformation, where she could manage to grow only the wings, or only the talons of a large bird, while the rest of her body remained normal. She would also learn later on how to change into a rather large version of a bird, which could in the future allow her to carry a single person on her back while flying.
Side-effects to her powers (both good and bad):
-She can’t use any sort of overly-artificial cosmetics or hair products on herself, because strangely enough the chemicals in them make her ill, which she suspects comes from the bird in her. So she always uses much more natural shampoo, soap, conditioner, makeup, etc. Also, because of this, she’s taken to eating a much more vegetable-oriented diet, though she can’t resist the occasional gingerbread man. (Haha, sorry, just had to throw that in. xD She has this big love of gingerbread for some reason, and my mental picture of who she is was very insistent that I mention it.)
-Because of all the running, flying, and other muscle-straining activities that her abilities force her to partake in, her arms and legs gradually grew much more developed, as well as that her lungs and heart became stronger. However, all of this means that she does a lot of deep sleeping, and a lot of eating when she gets the chance.
-Though it’s making her physically stronger doing all of this, it’s very draining of energy and her muscles often feel sore from the strain of flying, especially when it comes to long distances.
-Because she’s not exactly the most graceful person in the world, she often gets scratched and bruised up pretty badly whenever she takes a fall or lands after flying.
-Whenever she’s been flying, or simply been in the shape of any kind of bird for too long, she’s always especially clumsy right after she changes back to a human and she has to get used to walking on solid ground again.
-She’s very weak against rocks and fire when she’s in any bird form, due to her (usually) extremely delicate body frame, and her feathers.
I tried to come up with weaknesses and side-effects that would match up with her abilities, and I still need to shape in her home life a bit more, but I’d really appreciate hearing some feedback for her, and hearing any suggestions you may have about editing her. I’m open to criticism, and to new ideas that anyone may have concerning her.
~Lucy
Oh my… and please forgive me for the extremely long post, I hadn’t realized I had gotten so carried away… O_o
I like the sound of the surname Nocturne. It’s a bit unexpected because the character isn’t night-themed. I think it’d be more cheesy to use something like “Bird” or “Hawk” as her surname and then she just coincidentally develops bird-powers.
[UPDATE: As Anonymous pointed out later, Nocturne is the name of one of Nightcrawler's kids in an alternate universe.]
As for “Hawkeye,” that’s already taken by a B-list Marvel character (one of the Avengers), so a more distinct codename would probably help. (Some possibilities: something themed to her powers or personality or style or something?)
Right now, the hair/eye/skin information seems pretty mundane. If you present this information in-story, I’d recommend using it to create an impression or show something important about the character. For example, her pixie-like frame feels useful to me because it suggests something about how she works, how she moves, etc.
“Forgive me for the brief description, but I’m not sure of just how much detail can be put into this sort of power…” You covered everything about the powers I wanted to know. In most cases, I think 1-2 sentences is a very sound amount of time to spend on a character’s powers. In-story, you could have one of the more scientifically-minded characters explain more about how it works, if you wanted to. (For example, her ability only works if she knows what the bird looks like, so that may suggest her power depends on her concentration).
“…when she told her friends of what had happened, they looked confused for a moment before they jokingly began suggesting that she must have hit her head pretty damn hard on the rocks to come up with that story.” Judging from this description, it sounds like at least one of her friends (maybe more) might correctly assume that she’s a mutant. Depending on the dramatic tone you’re going for, you might have a concerned friend pull her aside and tell her to clam up about anything that might lead people to find out she’s a mutant. (There are a lot of reasons a friend might encourage her to do that, some asinine and some utterly friendly. For example, it’s dangerous to get mixed up with mutants, or the friend is worried that she won’t be able to go to college and will instead become a superpowered streetfighter, or the friend is worried that Emily would be sent away if she were outed as a mutant, or the friend is worried about what other people would think of her if they found out, etc).
Alternately, a friend that’s REALLY not into mutants might go into denial, trying to convince her that she imagined the whole thing in a really stressful situation and she just needs to get her feet up. (Another variation would be that it’s Emily that goes into denial and it’s a friend that helps her try to come to grips with what she’s learned about herself).
“Until one day she was confronted at school by a certain Miss Jean Gray…” A confrontation, really? She’s already come to understand that she’s a mutant and she was overjoyed to find out she could turn into robins. One possibility would be that she’s not 100% there yet when Jean comes around. Maybe it takes Jean more than one try to convince her to come to Bayville. Another avenue for developing a bit of conflict would be having the family show more concern/reluctance (or maybe even some outright opposition—if a teen asked to switch schools in the middle of high school, particularly across the country, I imagine there’d be a lot of potential for concern even before you got into the mutant stuff).
“she managed to work up the nerve to tell her parents…” This might be a more impressive accomplishment if one or both of the parents are more reluctant about her doing “that mutant stuff” off at Bayville. (I mean, seriously, it sounds like these kids are essentially getting commando training from some instructors that actually WERE commandos—it’s not exactly a typical high school experience, what with the superpowered missions and all).
So, somewhere in the origin, I’d recommend working in some element of conflict and/or character growth. Just to recap, some possibilities:
–Emily conflicting with herself about coming to grips with being a mutant.
–Emily conflicting with friends about being a mutant and/or transferring out to Bayville.
–Jean trying to convince a potentially reluctant Emily that she should come to Bayville (or at least come hear what Xavier has to offer)
–Emily and/or Jean (but hopefully mainly Emily, if she’s the main character) convincing her parents to give their blessing for her to go to Bayville. If Emily’s a minor, you could raise the stakes by saying something like Bayville won’t take her over the objections of her parents (because it’d technically be kidnapping).
–It might help if something happens that convinces Emily and/or Emily’s parents that it’d be best for her to go to Bayville. I think it’d be more interesting if there’s character change somewhere. (For one thing, overcoming obstacles is usually more interesting than going through a series of plot events without obstacles). One possible event would be that something makes the parents realize that Emily would not be as safe or as well-treated here in town as she would be at Bayville.
I can relate to that mental insistence about the gingerbread. One of my main characters is addicted to ketchup for no readily discernible reason besides that he’s outlandishly American. (Well, one out-of-story reason is that I have a humorous scene in mind where he fakes a murder by slathering the “crime scene” in ketchup).
How long does the transformation between species take? Another possible limitation would be that it takes her a little bit to pull it off, maybe something like 5 seconds where she’s pretty vulnerable in a fight or could be easily discovered or would have a harder time escaping or whatever.
What’s her personality like? Right now, it doesn’t seem like she makes any particularly difficult or unusual decisions. Fleshing out her personality should help her become a more memorable character.
B.Mac,
Thank you for the reply! ^_^ Your suggestions on origin were very helpful, and they make quite a bit of sense when putting some more in-depth thought to her parents. What you said about how Emily’s parent’s would take the whole “I’m a mutant” news gave me an idea that if Jean should not succeed after first talking to Emily, that she and Xavier could attempt to talk to Emily’s parents, after giving it some time to let it sink in. During the time frame between the two, the “character change” would take place, thus allowing her parents to feel slightly more open to hearing more about the school. Perhaps the change in character or situation could have something to do with bullying classmates, who have strong opinions /against/ mutants…? Another interesting twist to it might be if in the future one of those bullies discovered that he/she was a mutant as well, and either became an enemy of the Xavier Institute, or became an enemy-turned-ally… I had imagined that her human-to-bird and bird-to-human transformations would only take a brief moment, though I like the idea of adding a sense of urgency to it in a dangerous situation by allowing it to take a bit of time… I must admit I’m a little bit dissappointed that “Hawkeye” is taken (I quite liked the name), though I’ll take what you said into consideration and try to come up with something different.
As for the issue on not putting anything about her personality, I usually try to save putting it down in writing until I know for sure what type of person she’s gonna wind up being. I have a very fickle and contradicting method of coming up with characters before I use them, so if (during the first time I’m using a character for something) at the beginning I say that she’s a sort of shy or quiet girl who doesn’t talk a lot, as I continue to develop her I may actually find out that she’s quite the chatterbox, and I’ll change it mid-way as it doesn’t seem correct to keep using her as the silent girl after I’ve already confirmed that she’s not that sort of person. I usually try to just keep a vague idea in mind about what kind of personality she has until I get the chance to really become certain of it. Though that being said, I’ve already pictured her as being the slightly humorous and quirky smart-alek sort of girl who is a bit of an optimistic “Well… at least it’s not raining! 
” type, and I think I’ll stick with that. On another note, if I were to change Emily’s information to work with in an original story of my own creation, I would most likely put her into a sort of comic book or manga as I’m not very good at putting very accurately descriptive scenes down in words, and I get the impression that it would be much more helpful in visualizing the scenes through images.
Just as a heads-up, there’s already an X-Men related heroine called Nocturne. She’s an alternate universe daughter of Nightcrawler and the Scarlet Witch who’s a prominent member of the dimension-travelling Exiles.
Ah, good call on Nocturne, Anonymous. In that case, I’d probably recommend a new surname.
…
“What you said about how Emily’s parent’s would take the whole “I’m a mutant” news gave me an idea that if Jean should not succeed after first talking to Emily, that she and Xavier could attempt to talk to Emily’s parents, after giving it some time to let it sink in.” Is Emily the main character? In general, I’d recommend using the main character in a more central, active way. For example, perhaps instead of having Jean convince the parents, maybe it’s Emily that eventually convinces them to come around. On the other hand, fan-fiction might handle this differently because Jean is better-known to the audience.
…
I’m not terribly enthused about bully antagonists in general. Their motivations are usually boring and they’re almost always one-dimensionally Bad People. I’m not sure what you have in mind for him, but I’d definitely recommend fleshing out the character so that he doesn’t feel like, umm, every other bully ever written.
Also, I think it’d probably be a bit contrived if the antagonist hated on mutants and then just happened to become a mutant himself. One alternative that might be more coherent and interesting is if the character has been a mutant all along and is really vocal about hating mutants because of some combination of…
1) He doesn’t want people to wonder if he’s a mutant.
2) He’s jealous that her mutation is pretty benign and not inconvenient. (Maybe his mutation is direly unpleasant, like Rogue’s).
3) He may just genuinely hate what he’s become.
Another alternative would be that he is a nonmutant that hates on mutants and his hatred of mutants somehow leads to him becoming a mutant. (For example, he may get mutated by a mutant supremacist a la the first X-Men movie or perhaps he involves himself in dangerous business and somehow exposes himself to something or someone that mutates him).
Hmm, interesting thought… thanks, I’ll be sure to keep them in mind!
So I’m trying to decide whether my comic characters should be teenaged demon hunters (16-17 years old, seniors, with the exception of their leader David Lavigne who is 53 (and teaches their class)) or college freshmen demon hunters (age 17-18 except David Lavigne who teaches their class). He and Lilith the dhampir (in the high school one he’s her mentor and guardian, in the college one he’s just her boss and becomes less important) work for the Order of the Knights Templar, and are joined by Nicole Morris and Danny Dushku. In the Highschool one Danny and Nicole are friends already, in the college one they meet through Lilith because of drama involving Lilith’s vampire exboyfriend Lucky/Lucas Delaney (him becoming a vampire and trying to kill her ended their relationship. He blames her for the torture and transformation he suffered on account of her affiliation with the Order. Yet he totally does what Armand says. Vamps minds don’t work normal). She hunts vampires and other demons because I.) she enjoys it, and II.) because vampires (Led by Armand the vamp who turned Lucky into Lucas) killed her twin sister when they were twelve either at her adoptive parents house (college one) or their group home (high school one) where she lived before David became her guardian (the Order keeps track of people admitted to mental hospitals for claims involving the supernatural).
So, Highschool or College?
I think it depends on your target audience. If you’re going with 18-30 year olds (which are the biggest audience group in comics), I think a college setting would probably be a slightly better fit.
Hey everyone, I just discovered this site today (don’t hate the newbie!)
For a few months now, I’ve been writing and drawing a webcomic series called the Mighty Meteorite. I know that this probably isn’t the right place to post this, but would anyone be interested in reading some issues and telling me what I’m doing right/wrong? I’ve had some of my friends read it, but they’re not really comic readers, so I’m not sure how accurate their comments are. The site is http://www.mightymeteorite.thecomicseries.com/.
Thanks in advance, and good luck to everyone else trying to create superheroes and comics!
Okay, I’ll start with the caveat that I work mainly with writers aiming for professional publication and I’m not sure what your goals for this are. However, if your goal were just to share your story with as many readers as possible, I think the biggest opportunity for improvement would be the art.
There’s no shading and I’m reasonably sure the art was done in MS Paint. Working on the shading and textures will help readers figure out what’s going on. For example, in the first panel of page 2, my first impression was that the guy wasn’t wearing any pants because his legs/pants don’t have the texture I would normally associate with pants.
The first three characters (the news correspondent and the two brothers) look very, very similar. And the face of Ms. Marvel–the hottest girl in the room?–sort of looks like a guy’s.
In terms of artistic improvement, my main advice would be…
1) Practice as much as possible with shading, texture, human anatomy, different hair styles, etc.
2) If you’re still in school, I think it’d probably help to take a drawing class.
3) If you’re using MS Paint, I would highly recommend switching to something like Photoshop or the freeware Paint.net.
As for the writing, I cracked a smile at “The Prince of Parties” but besides that I didn’t feel like there was much to hold my attention. For example, I thought the characters were sort of thinly-developed, which I think will make it hard to interest readers in the protagonist’s love-life. Plus, we see right away that she’s sort of a bimbo, so I’m not really cheering for him to get the girl in any case. (At least he’s honest that he’s attracted to her because she’s the hottest girl in the room).
In terms of art, I’m currently drawing in pencil, going over it in fine-liner, then scanning it into my computer and colouring it there. (Although for the first 3 issues I drew everything in pencil then scanned it in).
I know that the art is one of my biggest flaws, and I’m trying to improve it as much as I can. In a book about writing comics I have, it says that clarity is more important than entertainment, and that’s what I’m aiming for- if I can at least get people telling who is who and what’s happening, I’ll be happy. (I also know that I’m terrible at drawing girls- they mostly look like guys with boobs!)
Did you read any further than the first issue? I didn’t do too much planning for that, and I know that some of the characters are a tad inconsistent, but I guess that that’s one of the advantages to having an ongoing: I can develop personalities over time.
The reason I had Michael having a crush on May when she’s hardly nice to him is because I feel that this is realistic: people can overlook that flaws of those whom they like. Believe me, I have a friend who tried dating a girl for over 3 years despite her repeatedly saying to him ”I don’t like you and never will”.
As for my goals with this: at the moment I’m pretty much doing as much of the series as I can in order to gain some experience with writing comics. The way I see it, this is just a giant practice session and I would like to iron out any flaws in my writing/drawing through my webcomic.
Thanks for reading it and for the comments!
(P.S. The ”Prince of Parties”, ”Most Beautiful Girl in the Room” etc. are all references to Flight of the Conchords songs)
Hmm. “Half and hour” should be “half an hour.”
I wasn’t very fond of the cliffhanger narration at the end of issue 1–for one thing, these were questions that I assumed would be answered anyway, so I don’t think they added all that much for me.
The recap text could be more interesting/stylish.
Johnny keeping a counter of hookups is so crass. I’m totally loving that bit of character development. “Want to get it up to 10?” is possibly almost as crass on the part of the love interest.
The conversation between the protagonist and his father the extraterrestrial king should probably be more memorable than it is. Sharper. More urgent. More concise. I suspect you could have the alien introduce the superpowers and tell him that he needs to fight an alien race in considerably fewer than 10 comic pages.
“So you want me to help you kill off a peaceful alien race to steal their technology?”/”Good. I see you’re getting the picture now.” I really like this exchange.
The dialogue on page 14 of issue 2 strikes me as not so dramatic.
“You’ll soon see that the only ‘rock solid’ thing here is my desire to defy evil like yours.” This doesn’t feel like believable, natural dialogue. Also, “the world shall soon meet the villainy of Doctor Light!” I’m not feeling this character declaring himself to be a villain. It makes it sound like his motivation isn’t believable.
I’ll admit that I put in the ”rock solid” thing in just to justify the name of the story arc, which I thought up of on a whim.
With Doctor Light, I purposely made him a stereotypical, mad scientist in this issue, which leads to him being defeated with one punch in the following issue. As a result, when he later gains superpowers (and chooses the slightly more dramatic name of Fluorescent), he has motivation for wanting to attack Meteorite, and it provides a nice contrast between how silly he was before the fight and how he is now. (Although I was stupid enough to keep the stereotype villain personality….)
I know I drew out the dialogue between Michael and Golem, but I felt that there’d be a lot of questions in readers’ minds, and I wanted to answer as many as possible. Otherwise Golem would be walking away and people would be saying ”Wait a minute, where does he come from?!”
With Issue #3, I think I managed to get the art up a bit of a notch, as well as some characterisation. I also eliminated my habit of switching between headshots between panels.
Thanks again for reading and critiquing! Glad that you (seemed to) like this issue more than the last!
(Also, if it feels like I’m nagging you to read it, sorry! If I am nagging and you don’t want to read, just say so. I’ll understand)
Okay… I’ll go as far as issue 3.
My biggest concern is the art. I think it would look a hell of a lot better–or at least could look a hell of a lot better–if you did pencils -> inks -> Photoshop colors. For the most part, strong art is so clean that you’d never know that pencils were ever used. I’d recommend studying webcomics with professional-grade art. In particular, I think later issues of Dr. McNinja and Mokepon are absolutely dynamite. Right now, the coloring looks very grainy and sloppy. I think it might have been done with colored pencils. There are some people that can use colored pencils at a professional grade, but very few.
It’s a bit unexpected that you alluded to Dr. Horrible–”who dresses like a Joss Whedon character to rob a bank?”–because I’d cite Dr. Horrible as an example of a character that flirts with cartoonish evil but is nevertheless engaging and interesting. (Horrible’s quest to join the Evil League of Evil is comedically over the top, but I don’t think Dr. Light is).
In a few of the panels, the writing is strong. “Well, Nova first appeared in Nova #1 in 1976, and his powers were –” “Okay, you know what? I just realized I don’t care that much.” I thought that retort was sort of funny and helped develop their relationship. However, a lot of pages were just sort of forgettable. For example, the conversation between Michael and Miguel that opens up issue #3 (PS: please give Miguel or Michael a more distinct-sounding name).
I’m having a lot of trouble keeping apart characters. The college students seem to look rather alike.
On page 18, the angle of the character’s body looks very awkward. For one thing, his legs and torso seem to be going at different angles.
“Hah! I blocked the light from reaching your eyes!” This is a fairly clumsy example of “Luckily My Powers Will Protect Me” (a character narrating what his powers do), I feel. It might be smoother for the protagonist to guess what happened. He is dealing with an optical villain, after all. (In contrast, it was riotously funny that Dr. Horrible failed because he blogged his plan to test out his death-ray and the LAPD and his hero nemesis were both waiting for him).
For most of the colouring, I just used flat colours for simplicity’s sake. I’m too scared to try creating tones, as I know I’ll be horrible and it will look sloppy. However, I am trying to improve my art as best as I can.
I put in the Doctor Horrible reference more to point out the similarity of the costumes, not the characters.
With the students, I more or less added the background ones to show that more than three students go to the school.
Thanks for pointing out the “Hah! I blocked the light from reaching your eyes!” comment and how it relates to “Luckily My Powers Will Protect Me”. I read the article and I’ll steer clear of that in the future.
Again, thank you for reading as many issues as you did. I know that they’re far from perfect, so I really appreciate that you took the time to read them.
In terms of coloring, I’d recommend taking a look at A Girl and Her Fed. I think it’s a good example of a series that makes a pretty simple digital coloring scheme look good. (For example, in this page, the artist uses just two tones on faces (base and shadow), two tones on the suits (base and shadow) and three tones on most other clothes (base, shadow and highlight), etc.
If your inks are good, I don’t think it is very hard to do a decent job coloring in Photoshop. (Just upload the inked version, clean up any extraneous lines, multiply in the base colors, and then add shadows and/or highlights as desired). However, doing a good job with just pencils IS extremely hard.
Okay, thanks for the advice, I’ll try it out.
Aaron Exodus, born in the year 2058 on the 18th day of June. The era he was born into was one of oppression
pain and hate. Where the people of country were discrimanted and persecuted by people the world over for being born with red
eyes and blue hair.
Aaron lives as an average everyday mechanic by day and moonlights as Olympus by night. He group being beaten, insulted and battered
all because of heritage in the meantime he noticed how his family members and people were being abused and he had enough.
One day he put on a ski mask and took matters into his own hands when an Yaros was being attacked by a group of thugs.
After defeating the gang, Aaron felt a high unlike any other and decided he free his people from their oppresive bonds as Olympus.
Using his prodigal mechanical & electrical engineering skills to engineer a unique exosuit that woul be stored in his skeleton. The
suit would activate at will and award him above average strength and flight along with several unique gadgets and gizmos.
Since then he’s taken to the streets, destroying every bigotry infected gang he could find and he soon hopes to not only purge
the intelorance people towards Yarosins but to purge hate as a whole. His vision is a world where no tribes, countries or anything
like that exist, a world where the world is one unifed place!
* He grew up being…
*Where the people of his country…
*and decided he’d free his people…
Too lazy to correct any other mistakes
I LVE IT
When Earth became open to other inhabited planets across the galaxy and beyond, an era began. One of Piracy, exploration and diplomacy. Just like when Humans began to discover foreign lands on Earth and warranted exploration parties and inadvertantly motivated their people to resort to piracy against both domestic and foreign vessels, the same problem occured with the world’s current predicament. Ambitious law breakers saw “easy money” in looting and hijacking star cruisers and space ships bound for foreign planets and so the second Golden Age of Piracy in Human history began however eventually explorers, government officials and the like started to fight back against the pirates and space became a battlefield of adventure kicking off an even greater era of The age of Adventure!
During this great era adventurers, explorers and pirates were all around; going from planet to planet fighting unimaginable great battles and having superb journeys. One particular explorer was nicknamed Zeus due to his status as kind of the skies and his story was a truly incredible one; Zeus had fought and defeated several pirates, alien monsters and has even discovered lost civilizations on other planets. The adventures he and his small but highly skilled crew of rag tag warriors have are the stuff of legend, he was known as the explorer who brought down the great age of piracy with his exploits!
I could really use some input on the story and the main hero’s theme….
I really love that concept. ^^ The idea of space pirates has, yes, been done before; but I like how the chars just aren’t some guys on a cruiser trying to survive. Space explorers = awesome. What are Zeus’ powers, or does he have any?
Perhaps he’s searching for something on one of the planets…
I’ve been thinking about giving him no powers at all to kinda capitalise on normal Humans. I mean some might think his action potential would be low cos he lacks amazing superpowers but think about; an agile, fit, fast and nimble Human in peak Human shape can definitely dish out some amazing fighting moves and it would be fun cos he’d have to be creative with his fights in order to manage against the kind of beings he’ll be up against.
As for his goal, I was thinking of simply making him an explorer hungry for adventure but I’ll get work on making up a solid goal for him. I mean even the seemingly aimlessly wondering at times pirates from a series I read called One Piece have final goals like finding the one piece, becoming the world’s greatest swordsman etc…
Back-story
Born with no legs and barren to a wheelchair, young Carlos Columbus was born into the Columbus tribe; Carlos was always living in the shadow of his younger twin sister whom he adored and always protected. Their father Vega was a very practical thinker and believed that his tribe needed proud and powerful warriors and henceforth gave all of his training attention to Maria who was a child prodigy with her Trive abilities. Carlos was closer to his loving mother who always gave him her attention. Unbeknownst to their father, Carlos secretly trained on his own in order to protect Maria when battles came and to impress his father. Things were going good for the head family of the Columbus tribe until Vega’s father, the current leader of the head family believed that Maria could not lead; being a woman and that Liban’s ailment would make him a weak leader.
Vega pleaded with his father to consider Maria but he wouldn’t have any of it. But he said he would accept her as a leader if she and her brother fought one on one displaying their skills and then maybe he would consider the winner. Vega and his wife Marisol refused but their children accepted.
For the first time in his life; though he loved her Carlos could prove he was strong and Maria could never let down her father. They fought and fought valiantly in fact but Carlos revealed a unique Trive ability; he had the power to not only manifest his element but control forms of it all around him. His magnificent ability to control Earth overpowered his sister and he won. Then when he was about to leave the arena as the battle had seemingly ended; his grandfather revealed that to win he would have to kill Maria and that he was now convinced that Carlos could lead with his outstanding power; he thought for a few seconds and immediately reached out to her with a hand made of rock and told her to stand up. Just when everyone thought he would kill her; she suddenly attacked their grandfather but he revealed his ability to manipulate a person’s mind; like Carlos he was special and immediately forced her to kill herself. Carlos angered beyond reason at this sight destroyed the arena with his powers and revealed that he could reach into people’s minds with his Earth; which is why Maria attacked their grandfather; Carlos said telepathically they should attack him instead. His power also granted him immunity to telepathic attack and he immediately killed his grandfather by ripping out every inch of blood in his body, using iron and other minerals in the blood to do so.
When he looked upon his parents believing they would side with him, he was devastated to learn that his father opted to have him arrested for treason. He killed the guards and left; betrayed by his parents and having lost his sister all because of his carelessness; if he hadn’t decided to fight she wouldn’t be there… If he hadn’t told her to attack their grandfather, she wouldn’t have died and that haunted him.
He began living as a poor beggar in Han territory until he met a young man by the name of Aden who offered him sanctuary at a place called Centria, a beautiful city at the centre of the Earth. At first he refused but was forced to join in order to pay back his debt as Aden had saved his life from an assassin hired by Vega.
(Note to critic: Vega was actually aware of the killing part of the battle and hoped he could manipulate Maria to do so. Vega was a man ruled by the status symbols and keeping his tribe strong, he thought that it would embarrass to the tribe and himself as their new leader if someone like his son was allowed to live and so he sent out assassins and he’s eventually revealed to be Carlos’ big villain.)
Personality
Carlos was always quiet, cheerful and full of wisdom and kind words as a child but after the tragedy with his sister, he became more loud, obnoxious, witty and humorous… Some might say that his new found behaviour is good but in reality he’s even more reserved and closed off than his old quiet self. He masks his thoughts, emotions and pain with jokes, overconfidence and childish behavior.
On the team he usually serves a very brotherly role with Aden, the group’s leader and is usually also their comic relief and clown guy. However at times when he sees his friends in need of guidance, he is old wisdom filled instincts kick in and he manages to at times give them advice they can’t believe came from him.
Due to the loss of his sister and due to regretting how he brutally killed his grandfather, Carlos wants nothing more than redemption and joined Wildfire on their quest to make the world just like Centria city and free the world from the oppressive clans mostly because he thought what they were doing had some good to it and all he really wants to do is be forgiven for her death and the monster he became when he killed his grandfather and those innocent guards. Nonetheless he never reveals his reasons for joining, saying it seems fun and never reveals his true self to anyone due to feeling that getting close to people and having expectations only leaves room for betrayal but though he doesn’t know it Aden understands and knows of Carlos’ true intentions and if he trusts anyone on the planet the closest person would be Aden.
I need a constructive critic on this character please…
Ah, it seems I am not the only one with space pirates!
Hmm, Carlos’ whole backstory seems convoluted, at least the way it was written out. I can’t keep straight who is ruling and which names belong to which elders. (Was Vega the grandfather? His father? Someone totally different?)
Also “His power also granted him immunity to telepathic attack and he immediately killed his grandfather by ripping out every inch of blood in his body, using iron and other minerals in the blood to do so.” I think Magneto did something along the same lines in X-Men 2, you might want to look into that so it doesn’t seem like you’re ripping it off.
I don’t know if becoming clownish fits with the rest of his character personally. I tend to see someone deliberately acting loud and obnoxious as having confidence and/or self-worth/esteem problems, not a guilt complex. I see someone struggling with this type of problem becoming very quiet, only talking if they have something to say, and taking everything too seriously, including themselves. I’d also wonder if he’d have a fear of his power, because it was the tool used to commit what he sees as atrocities.
I don’t think I’d buy him saying he joined the group for fun. That doesn’t seem to fit him. I think he’d be more likely to say he joined because he felt it was the right thing to do, but never say more than that.
I like how you say he has trust issues, and is very closed off. He seems like the sort of guy who would hide things from people.
I’m wondering why he’s so upset that he killed his grandfather if his grandfather killed the one person he cared the most about. Unless it’s more the fact that he took a life, and one of his own blood at that. that makes him feel guilt, not the reason why he killed.
I’m also fuzzy on the dad. If He was begging the grandfather to stop the contest, why does he use it to disgrace his son? What is his motive for being so evil? Is he a really good actor, or slightly bipolar?
I think you have a goo concept here, just needs a little tweaking. =)
True, I noticed all those holes in the story when I was working on it and I’ve spent a lot of time today working on different versions of the story and I think it would make more sense as you said to make him more quiet, angry and serious along with short tempered… But I changed his story more along the lines of making his grandfather the main villain.
I’ll sum up my new ideas that I’m still deciding on;
1. Carlos and Maria’s parents died during a battle against the Hawthor clan (an enemy clan).
2. Their grandfather now has no heir, having lost his only son and he himself is no longer able to have children due to battle injuries. He sets his sights on Carlos, the eldest born but the weakest only because he can’t stand a woman leading their clan.
3. Carlos & Maria are very close.
4. Their grandfather has the power to create illusions.
5. Carlos’ training to awaken his powers is hopeless and there are doubts about whether he even has powers.
6. Desperate to awaken the power of the tribe’s scion, their grandfather invites Carlos over to his chambers one night and asks him to execute a man who supposedly slaughtered countless members of their tribe on the battlefield, a war prisoner.
7. Carlos accepts and takes a sword at the man’s head and beheads him. However the moment the man’s head drops the illusion is dropped and the man is revealed to be Maria. Carlos had been tricked into killing his own sister.
8. His powers awaken and he attempts to kill his grandfather only to be overpowered, they have a long conversation about how it was all for the tribe and how Carlos needed to be their leader and how Maria would’ve been proud to die for their leader. Unfortunately for his grandfather, Carlos wouldn’t give in.
9. He escapes using his new found powers, that allow him to turn into a plant-wooden like creature and control and create plant life.
10. Obviously no matter how powerful he is he’s new to his powers, henceforth he is heavily wounded outside at courtyard by the super powered guards.
11. He’s taken prisoner.
12. Is eventually freed when a group of supposed rebels attack the head family’s palace weeks later. Clearly he wants to kill his grandfather and goes straight for his chamber but is met by a man named Aden, the leader of the team that assaulted the palace and a man hoping to capture and arrest Carlos’ grandfather. They make a deal; Carlos can help them find his grandfather, using his information as a former member of the head family they may have a chance or they lock him up as a prisoner of war and a persecute him as a member of a tyrant tribe that killed millions during a war.
13. He accepts the arresting option, but keeps it to himself that he wants to kill his grandfather. Aden however knows about his intentions and hopes to keep him check as they work together.
I’m still working on it and it might not even end up being my final take on the character but for now this is what I’m moving on and sorry if some of it seems rushed like the being freed part, I was just summing it up. A lot obviously happens to him during those weeks and etc.
So whadaya think about what I’ve done with the story and how he encounters the main character and his new now cold, vengeful, short tempered and serious demeanor.
*him in check
Also obviously when he gets to the chamber he’s told that his grandfather escaped and that he won’t be getting his revenge…
Amazing resource, just like everything else here!
Cheers!
Hey Bmac thanks for shutting that guy up. Just a troll.
Hello everyone, I know I have commented in the past, but I would appreciate it if anyone could give me some feedback. I have a tentative concept for a story.
The reason why I stress “tentative” is because I am nervous, anxious over the reality that my concept might sound stupid or be cliche. Not that most stories are original. Alas, I am going off track. Anyway he’s the concept.
The story revolves around a protagonist named, Derek Masters. A college student, he’s fairly average run of the mill person. However, after encountering a mysterious artifact, an accident occurs.
From it he gains the power to manipulate and harness “Celestial Pulse”. This type of energy in many ways is similar to Chi or Prana (Hindu philosophy) and enhances his physical attributes, along with giving him other powers.
Now, I understand that most people, may think this your average story.
While that’s true, the one thing I want to do differently is implement loads of Hindu Mythology, specifically about the Gupta Empire as well as, rather than have the tale fantasy based, geared more towards Sc-fi.
To get a better understanding, the Superhero Thor kind of inspired me in this thinking, along with Ironfist and Ling Yao from Fullmetal Alchemist. That said, aside from plot I am still confused at where to start?
I mean, I have somewhat of a clue about personality, but his powers, aside from the “Celestial Pulse” is still a mystery, given I do not want a Mary Sue (or in this case a Gary Stu) nor do I want him overpowered.
Anyway, I apologize if the post was too long, but I had just wanted to outline my idea. All in all, thank you very much for taking the time to read.
–”I am nervous… that my concept might sound stupid or be cliche.” Ehh, don’t worry about it. I think most concepts in development INITIALLY sound cliche. It takes time to develop a story. As you flesh out the story, you’ll probably get a better idea for how to flesh out the characters and plot points in a way more unique to your style of writing.
–”The story revolves around a protagonist named Derek Masters. A college student, he’s fairly average run of the mill person.” I would recommend giving him some personality trait that sticks out before he becomes a superhero. I think that’ll increase the chance that readers stick around long enough to see him get superpowers. (Also, a distinct personality should make him more interesting after he gets superpowers).
–”From it he gains the power to manipulate and harness “Celestial Pulse”. This type of energy in many ways is similar to Chi or Prana (Hindu philosophy) and enhances his physical attributes, along with giving him other powers.” Could you summarize this power in one sentence? (I think you probably could, but if not, I would recommend simplifying it).
–”Most people may think this is your average story [so far]…” Based on what I’ve read so far, the character isn’t really jumping out at me yet. I’d recommend fleshing out his personality, his motivations, what makes him different from notable superheroes in other stories, what makes him different from other characters in your story, etc. For example, why does he choose to become a superhero? What other unusual choices does he make and why?
–Besides superpowers, is there anything that makes Derek a really good fit (and/or a really bad fit) for the plot? For example, one reason Sherlock Holmes would be a really good fit against a villain like Prof. Moriarity is that Moriarity is so dangerous that only someone like Holmes would have a chance of stopping him. That raises the stakes and it gives the author more opportunities to challenge Holmes. Alternately, maybe there’s something about the character that makes him a BAD fit, which could also be dramatic. For example, Chuck, Bad Company and The Taxman Must Die are about relatively normal people thrust into super-dangerous spy jobs and the drama comes from how they overcome their lack of experience. Dexter has a bit of both going on–he’s brilliant, which goes a long way for a forensics analyst on a crime show, but he’s also a serial killer, which is unusually high-stakes because his coworkers are on his trail.
–”To get a better understanding, the Superhero Thor kind of inspired me in this thinking, along with Ironfist and Ling Yao from Fullmetal Alchemist. That said, aside from plot I am still confused at where to start?” I’m not familiar with Fullmetal Alchemist.
–”…his powers, aside from the ‘Celestial Pulse’ is still a mystery, given I do not want a Mary Sue (or in this case a Gary Stu) nor do I want him overpowered.” Good plan. I have no idea whether you’d be able to easily challenge this character because the superpowers are still sort of up in the air at this point. If you feel like you’re not sure about whether you’re challenging the character enough, I’d recommend checking out How to Save Insufficiently Challenged Heroes.
@ B. Mckenzie
First off, thank you very much for responding to me. All of the articles you’ve suggested I have read a couple times in the past. The problem for me isn’t so much the story, it’s the sense that it won’t be well taken by many others.
Alas, I am probably rambling, so I’ll get to the point. Considering your points, I have revised my concept In terms of personality, I see Derek as rather carefree. This in the sense he’s not so uptight about life and rather he just go with the flow.
Unfortunately, having such a carefree stance has proven detrimental, as Derek comes off as lazy and a bum. Another trait that I want to exploit is Derek’s bravery.
Particularly, while standing up for anything, he does become very reckless, to the point where he doesn’t consider his options. This again can prove detrimental. Finally, Derek can be absent-minded, especially at times when he feels bored.
Again, I am attempting as you said to further develop him. Another thing, which I had forgot to mention, was that Derek has a catchphrase. This signature line is “Glorif**k” everytime he’s in trouble.
In terms of his actual superpowers, if it’s best to characterize them in one sentence, then it should be the following: “Derek can harness Celestial Pulse, a mystical energy that can enhance is strength, speed and stamina and give him other metaphysical abilities.”
His motivation for becoming a superhero was accidental. Upon discovering a mysterious object, he’s transported to a mythical dimension. It’s there that he’s put against several other individuals, in order to inherit the ability to harness Celestial Pulse.
For plot reasons, Derek inevitable becomes chosen and is endowed with the ability. Some of his skills including sensing a person’s energy, heightened physical feats as stated above, and the ability to project light-based energy blasts.
However, there are two main drawbacks to using his powers. For one thing, is overexerting his powers. Given Derek’s recklessness, he may, during a fight, use up all of his energy and become exhausted. This could be severe enough that he might suffer tremendous fatigue and loss of stamina.
Next, is the fact that while Derek maybe willing to use his powers, his body isn’t. To be more precise, being that his body isn’t necessarily use to performing physical feats, such as backflips, areas like his joints and limbs might become inflamed.
This could be such an extent that he’s unable to properly manuver, less he wishes to caught significant harm to himself. Finally, to touch upon my previous comment about my story not being average, I felt it was a little arrogant of me to proclaim such a thing.
Thus, I do apologize if it had come off as that. All in all, these were some things I had considered. Hopefully, they’re good enough,but I am open for suggestions.
So i just started writing a small story that i eventually want to become a novel. I want some feedback as to how i can improve. i’ve written about two chapters. It sarts out with two young 14 year-old step brothers who are getting their powers. in the world where this is set in, superheroes get there powers when they are 14. always. there is an event that happens with power orbs, giving them their powers. what do you think so far?
It’s sounds ok I think you should explain the power orbs better. How do they work.
The minute on which the superchild is born their world becomes cloudy. All else is a blur except for these five orbs that manifest in front of the superchild. The blue power orbs encircle and revovle around the boy/girl. Then they begin to pulse and throb. The superchild touches the orb(s) that call out to him/her the most. So children get one power, others two, and some three. No more than three.
Hmm how do you want your story to cOme off? Right now it seems anime-like is this how you want it to across.I think you should explain more.why do these kids get powers at such a young age? Where do these orbs come from? Do all kids get powers? Why are superheroes needed? I think you should flesh this out a bit more. The big question is why. Describe why kids would need powers? And where the powers originate from. You say that kid can get up to 3 powers. This seems a bit much for a kid who has to learn to control these problems right?
Thank you so much for the feedback. I’ll try to incorporate it into my story.
i’m a (very) young writer/novelist who wants to write a graphic novel superhero story, except my guy doesn’t have any powers, no identity left to protect and nothing to lose. how should i go about making this character both hated and likeable at the same time, while vengence is still a part of the story?
“how should i go about making this character both hated and likeable at the same time…” Hated by other characters or hated by readers? You could make him hated by other characters if his vengeance gets in the way of their (probably undesirable) goals. Making readers both hate and like him would be difficult, although not impossible–for example, most magnificent bastards are likable even though they have certain traits that make them bastards. Case in point: the protagonist of House is acerbic and caustically unfriendly, but he’s funny and smart enough that I’d want to follow his story.
the character is hated by the majority of the characters, but for the readers, i want them to sympathise with him because of that (and all the other bad stuff that’s happened to him), but still hate him for the same reason as the other characters: because of the way he’s going about being a hero.