Jan 05 2008
Seven Common Problems with Psychic Characters
This site provides writing advice. If you're writing a superhero novel or comic book, please also read our superhero writing articles.
Would you like to sign up to be reminded when my comic book comes out? You could win a free, signed copy.
Writing a novel or comic book about a psychic character? Stories about psychic characters often suffer from the following seven problems.
1. Depicting a psychic fight is hard. In a comic book, you can draw Superman throwing a rock at someone. How would you show a psychic using his mind to throw a rock? It will probably look goofy (little white lines everywhere!) In a novel, describing a psychic fight is even harder.
2. You can’t use psychic powers creatively. Mind-reading, telepathy, mindblasts and (especially) mind-control are not very versatile. Authors can’t show the characters solving problems in unusual ways with these powers: the powers are either directly applicable or completely useless. Telekinesis gives authors some opportunities for creativity, but it’s still pretty limited.
3. Secrets, fear and uncertainty add drama, but psychic powers pretty much rule out surprise and deception. That’s a suspense-killer. One way you can fix that is by adding limitations to your character’s mind-reading powers. For example, mind-reading is usually a secretive ability, but that’s kind of lame. Let your psychic’s victims know that their minds are being read. That will encourage your hero to read minds only when it’s very important.
4. Stories with psychic characters are prone to “reboots,” when something important happens and the story later makes it unhappen. For example, someone learns the psychic’s secret identity and later the psychic erases his memory. That isn’t very satisfying. It also makes it hard to keep track of who knows what.
5. Forcefields usually don’t work out well for authors. They’re hard to depict, hard to choreograph (especially in novels) and aren’t very versatile. They also suffer from power fluctuation. (Typically, the villain can break them until the author wants the hero to start winning).
6. It’s hard to explain how a psychic could survive the routine blows any supervillain will land in a fight. Most superheroes have some kind of super-resilience so that their fights don’t end as soon as the villain lands a punch. But super-resilience doesn’t seem to fit with psychic powers really smoothly, particularly if the hero has an otherwise normal body.
7. “Why doesn’t she crush Dr. Doom’s windpipe!?!” Readers will wonder why the Invisible Woman doesn’t make the most of her powers by rearranging her enemies’ organs. “But she’s a good guy!”, you’ll say. That may be true, but those ethical qualms will seem really flimsy when the supervillain is minutes away from conquering or destroying the world. It will probably help to create a stronger restriction. For example, your character’s powers only work on things he can see, or they only affect inorganic material.
Interesting as my character is psychic. I’ll keep this in mind whilst writing my story.
Good luck. Let me know how it turns out. If you need a beta reviewer, I’m available.
Hey, will you help me with a hero? He has elasticity and increased strength because he’s a martial artist. What kind of transformations can he have?
Elasticity transformations? Well, uhh. Hmm. When you say transformations, do you mean a species-change (like Kafka’s Metamorphosis or The Fly) or something like Spiderman? I’m drawing a blank on a species change (well, I guess some lizards have long tails and tongues that you could conceivably use for stretchiness, but that’s a stretch).
If you’re looking for a more generic modification (like Spiderman), you could try pretty much any sci-fi origin story (radiation, genetic engineering, cybernetics, mutation, chemical alteration, cosmic rays/radiation, etc.) For example, your character is working in a lab that is designing spider-silk body armor, which is designed to stretch when the wearer is shot. (That reduces the impact of the bullet by extending the time of impact with the person… you can think of that like jumping off a building vs. jumping off of a building onto thirty down comforters). However, he spills one of the chemicals on himself and it makes his own skin as elastic as the spider-silk… his bone structure becomes more flexible and his skin becomes more elastic. If you’re looking for quasi-scientific mumbo-jumbo, I recommend “tensile strength,” “molecular cohesion,” “matter density,” “structural enhancement,” etc.
If the spider-silk body armor tangent interests you, I’d recommend looking at this site: http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/06_32/b3996068.htm .
Depending on how wacky your story is, you might try a fantasy origin (magic, artifacts, divine intervention, etc.) But I’d recommend a sci-fi story… that’s probably more appropriate for your story’s tone.
Wow, your whole site is ridiculously cool. So happy I came across it.
A few of my characters in my current novel have a variety of psionic and psychokinetic powers.
In number three you wrote, “Secrets, fear and uncertainty add drama. If your character can read everybody’s mind, he can’t be surprised. That’s a suspense-killer!” which makes complete sense. Do you have any ideas about realistic (well, relatively
ways to present a character with telepathy? What might be ways in which the telepathy is limited? Distance/range is one limitation I’ve given to my telepathic character – she has a hard time when someone is beyond X feet, etc. Other ideas?
Thank you!
Hmm. I would start by making sure that his powers aren’t very useful for preventing ambushes. For example, perhaps one of the restrictions on his ability to read minds is that he has to see the target first. That will make it easier for villains to surprise him. In contrast, some psychics have the ability to mentally sense people behind them, which takes away the potential for dramatic ambushes.
Second, I would suggest tweaking his mind-reading power so that his targets know what’s happening. They should know that he’s reading their minds. That would help restrict his ability to read minds.
As for making telepathy realistic… the brain works with electrical impulses. Your psychic might just be able to pick up and interpret the electrical impulses of other people’s brains.
Thank you! That is incredibly helpful.
Sure thing. Thank you for your question.
Also, could a psychic hero be limited by technology or equipment?
Example: Magneto wears a helmet to block Charles Xavier.
I like your suggestion, Brett. Juggernaut also wears a helmet to protect against psychic attacks. An anti-psychic helmet would force a psychic hero to improvise– how can you get the helmet off without using your powers? That’s an interesting setup.
Angel in Maximum Ride can read minds, but her enemies have developed ways to mentally block her, and replace the organic Erasers (flunkies who carry out the dirty work) with robots so they have no mind to be read. Angel is a very scary six year old, I’m telling you that. She doesn’t have the problem with being a kid either. When she does have a cute line, it always makes you feel sorry for her or go “awwww”, not “shut up and do something useful”. That shows just how good an author James Patterson is.
Well, this is good. I’m writing a comic book with five main heroes. Krystal can summon diamonds to use them as weapons. Invisible King is, well, invisible. Gassy Girl can transform into various gasses. Shield has the power to create force fields and is a combatant. And the psychic one, Miss Marvel, has telekinesis.
i think miss marvel has been taken Rogus sister from X men i belive
Yeah, Ms. Marvel is already taken, she’s a member of the Avengers. I’m not a big fan of the names, Krystal and Shield are ok, but the rest are a little cheesy.
How about:
Fume instead of Gassy Girl
Lucid or Hollow instead of Invisibility King
Marvel instead of Ms. Marvel
I’m not really sure about the tone of your series. For example, Gassy Girl is fine if you want to be a really over-the-top comedy with cartoonish characters, but it doesn’t feel like she’s in the same universe as Shield or Krystal (who sound like serious superheroes played straight).
So, umm, I’d recommend deciding whether you want this to be a serious and conventional comic book, a comic farce, or something in between. For example, if the running gag is that one of the heroes is the Only Sane Man and everyone else is completely wacky and over-the-top, then giving the sane guy a serious-sounding name would help.
Also, I’d recommend spelling Crystal with a C. Unconventional spellings (or less conventional spellings) can distract readers.
RB, I really like your suggestions for alternate, more serious names. I think Fume in place of Gassy Girl really works, if the character is meant to be serious. However, my main concern is that Lucid doesn’t sound quite right (to me at least). Lucid can mean translucent, but it usually means sane or intelligible. In place of Lucid I’d recommend Lucent.
I writing a hero with the power to see the future.
He has limits but I was wondering if these are original.
- He can only see so far into the future.
- He can only see himself
- The less certain the event is the more cloud it is.
- He has to touch someone to see their future
- The more things he tries to watch the vision either become clouded or mixed up.
I don’t want him to be too weak, but not so strong it can’t take away the supense from the novel.
Also, I want him to have ability to use possession.
I thought about weakness for that power too.
- He only gains the Possession ability after he turns.( I not sure into what yet)
- He can only use one of the two at a time.
- Using possession for two long makes him weak.
- He has to be able to lay his eyes on them (not eye contact exactly)
- He can possess a maxium of six people, but the more people he possesses the less time he can hold on to them.
Can someone please help me with these. I would very thankful.
Hey, Trismegistus, do you mind if I call you Tris?
I’ve not seen you here before, so welcome.
I, personally, think that seeing into the future would be anything but weak, if he’s smart enough to know what to do with it. However, if you’d like to do both that and possession…
The only one I have a real problem with is the possession. It seems overpowered in itself, being able to possess anyone he can see, and up to six people. It’s one of those powers that cannot be fought. I’d take the number down to something like three at max, and even then, not only can he possess them for a shorter time, but the possession would be weaker. The strong at heart might be able to resist, so he’d have to choose his victims accordingly.
I don’t know, those are just my thoughts.
Hello, Marissa. Yeah, Tris is fine.
I was thinking that also.
Rule #6 had me think of a defense for a psychic type, but I didn’t want it to be a force field or shields. I want to be both a defense and offense. Since seeing the future is more like a support skill than anything else, I want the hero to come as being strong than he really is.
So, for limitations, how about these?
- He can only possess 3 people at once.
- He can make them allies when he’s being attacked.
- Since he’s the good guy, he’d probably make them fall asleep to get away.
- Since he’s a troubled teen, he may have reservations about using this power. (But that would hardly stop them).
- Think Pusher from Push the movie.
Hola, Tris.
I think those are some solid limitations. Oh god, don’t remind me of Push. I despise that awful movie.
PS: I want to turn him into a vampire, but I’m seriously thinking it over since it feels overused.
But I want to use the immortal and regeneration powers within the horror genre. The main thing about my vampire novel that is different is that there are more monsters than vampires and werewolves. If these two mythological creatures are real, why leave the others out.
I want to use these four main genres: Action, Horror, Mystery, and Romance.
I’m new to writing, but I am really trying.
Hey, what was Push about and what was wrong with it?
You’re absolutely right; the movie was awful. However the powers were really cool. I give it 2 out of 5 stars, but that was only because of their abilities.
I don’t remember much about the storyline, I was too busying rolling my eyes to see the scene. But it was just really lackluster to me. The action scenes were lukewarm, the story scenes were boring, and the main character lucked his way out of everything and was pretty bland. The only thing I found interesting were the different types of psychics*.
*I’m not sure if they are actually psychic, but I presume so.
I don’t think the bleeders (the ones that scream) are psychics.
Oh, I forgot about the Bleeders. Oh well, no one will remember the movie anyway.
What do you think about my character and his powers?
Well, I don’t know much about his personality, but his powers seem pretty solid.
I changed my mind, instead of using possession. I’m think about use illusion instead. It’s more passive, but still can be used offensively as well as defensively
My character Cara uses illusion magic in her battles as well as some elemental spells.
I like illusion a lot better.
me to theres so meny tricks you can do with illusion lol
speaking of cara “sound of footsteps going down stairs, car door opens and shuts, car speeds of, Airport, plane landing, car, room, computer
type type type type type type
reminds me Marrisa you not fogeting something lol
Nope I’m not. I’ve just been busy lately, I’m working on it.
Lol, no rush. How’s the weather? And how’s your story coming?
Hey, I just wanted to see if I could get some advice on my ideas for superhero characters.
Element- control over all elements (water/ice, fire/lightning, air, earth/plant)
Red Cape- force fields, telepathy (but only on inanimate objects), flight, energy blasts.
Angel of Death- two swords (Death’s original weapons used to get souls), possession.
Spark- nuclear blast of energy, takes in energy (in any natural form) expelled around her.
Cat (I want to change her name, but can’t think of one that hasn’t already been used)- cat ears, heightened senses, claws (think Wolverine, only nails) and a tail for enhanced balance.
Please let me know what you think.
David:
The weather is awesome and I’m writing again after forever, so my story’s doing good too.
–I think Element could probably use a more exciting name.
–Red Cape’s name is better but could also use some flavor.
–Is Angel of Death supposed to be a hero? His powers and name seem kind of villainous. The first thing that came to mind was Josef Mengele, a Nazi doctor that became known as the Angel of Death. On the other hand, archangels Gabriel and Michael have also been called AODs in a more positive way.
–Instead of calling her Cat, I’d recommend something like a kind of cat. Lynx, Puma and Sphinx are already taken, but Manx, Usuri, and Keuda are available. Even if the name changes, though, this character sounds very similar to Catwoman. How will you differentiate her?
–Across the board, I’d recommend fleshing out the personalities of the characters. In particular, I think Cat’s personality is important because her theme sounds so similar to Catwoman’s.
“The first thing that came to mind was Josef Mengele, a Nazi doctor that became known as the Angel of Death.”
I did a project on him. The stuff he did was horrible.
Ack. That’s kind of morbid subject-matter for a junior high school. When I was in junior high school, I think we were just assigned to do a presentation on any aspect of the war. I think 2-4 people did the Holocaust, 1 person did internment camps, and then it got more positive from there. (Well, as positive as a major war can be).
BlueBamferGirl (is that a Nightcrawler reference?), I’d just like to add to what B.Mac said earlier. It’s horribly cliche for a woman with “cat powers” to be a femme fatale, so maybe you could mix up her personality or even do a little bit of lampshading by playing with the fact that people expect cat-powered woman to be sleek and sexy. You could go the way of X-23. She’s a Wolverine clone with the same powers, but she’s even more of a robotic killer than he is.
Thanks for the advice. By the way, B. Mac, Angel is a girl. I know the powers sound kind of morbid, that was kind of the angle I was going for, because her powers relate to death, but her personality is bright for someone in her position; she figured she could either use her powers for good and help people, or give in to how they would think of her and be a villain. What would you suggest I use instead of Element? I can’t think of anything else that would be related to her powers.
Stefan, yes, that is a Nightcrawler reference, thanks for noticing. And I hate to admit it, but I did make Cat the “cliche for a woman with ‘cat powers’, but I kind of made her like X-23 as well, because she is a killing machine, not really caring who she slices down to get to her target. But I do see what you mean, most people who would read it would probably think, “Oh, another sexy-crazy-killer with long metal claws”, and would put it down to find something more interesting.
I would suggest something that would go good with her personality as well as her powers.
Names:
- Terra
- Gaia
- Titan
- Wiccan
This are my suggestions.
I thought Terra was the name of a Teen Titan?
I like Gaia though, does that mean something in another language?
Gaia is the name for mother earth it was used in Capten planet and the planateers
Gaia is goodess of the earth
u also have Gaia the feirce knight in Yu-gi-oh
Wiccan was taken, too.
In Greek Mythology, Gaia was the Greek Titaness of the Earth, and in their creation myth she was the first being in the universe, born of Chaos. She created her huisband, Ouranos, the sky, and they gave birth to all the Titans, who gave birth to the gods etc. etc.
She was one of the Titans who were considered ‘good’, whereas most of them were evil. So she has good connotations.
How about Nature, like a force of nature or ‘Mother Nature’?
i play a pen and paper game that revolves around super heros in a comic book universe (silver age) and my current character is a psychic kinda forced me to start being very creative with my powers.
opening decks of playing cards and having them dance around the villains face with telekinesis.
using telepathy to create the image of a dragon, or even a car about to hit them.
a good limitation for using telepathy to read minds is only let it work on surface thoughts so to get something from someone you must first find some way to make them actively think about it.
a psychic works better as a support character in most aspects
Hey B mac by transformations I mean another form for example saiyans from DBZ can become supersaiyan and Superman can fly into the sun to get extremly muscular and his powers on another level. Tenchi can transform into the omnipotent Kami Tenchi when in danger and Davis from Smallville can become Doomsday.
Physic powers such as telekinesis can create a TK field for increased durability or complete immunity to physical harm.
I am making a psychic superhero and need some ideas for weaknesses for him. i am drawing blanks and its quite annoying
What kind of psychic power is it, Eacer?
Is it the typical mind-reading? Or is it something like telekinesis? Or… wow, I’m drawing a blank, but there are plenty of other ‘psychic’ powers.
telekinesis is his primary power, he can also use telepathy and create some illusions if he has someone deep enough under his power.
he is also from another dimension if that can play in for a weakness or two
Maybe his telekinesis’ aim isn’t very good. Or he needs a lot of concentration to aim. Or his telekinesis isn’t all that strong. Or the telekinesis only applies to a particular type of material (like Magneto’s metal or paper or garbage or whatever).
With telepathy, I would recommend making his power indiscreet (so that the victim knows his mind is being read). That will force him to ration his power, which will reduce the potential for plotholes.
You could do something like a weakness to sound or bright light. Either one of those would make it hard for him to concentrate, which I imagine would make it hard for him to use his powers.
Though I have nothing to add to this conversation, I think the fact I misread the title (briefly) as “Several Common Problems With Psychopath Killers” might amuse you.
I think one of the best ways to limit a psychic’s power is that each technique a psychic uses will take more concentration and use more energy.
I also tend to think of psychics as stationery fighters (basically they don’t move much in battle) because they need to concentrate to exercise their powers.
I like the idea of being sensitive to sound.
I’m using his telepathy so that he can only read surface thoughts. So if he needs information from someone, he has to find some way to get them to think about whatever he needs to extract from them.
I might also add something along the lines of carbonated drinks completely inebriate him.
Hmm. I like your surface thoughts restriction, but there are some situations where it might not be enough to keep mind-reading from breaking the story. For example, Heroes once tried to weaken Peter by having his father steal his powers with a hug. But Peter’s a mind-reader, so he should have known that his father was up to no good. And presumably his father would have been thinking about how he was going to steal his son’s powers…
Those restrictions seem workable, Asaya. I particularly liked the one about standing still to concentrate.
Hello. I have a character named Zero who is a psychic who doesn’t see the future or anything but can control your thoughts, mind read to an extent, illusion stuff, and telechineses. I have one weakness for her so far and that’s when she reads minds she picks up everyone’s thoughts which causes a lack of focus because a lot of voices are thinking over each other and when gets to a point of high emtional and physical stress/pressure, her powers go beserk and stronger. The last one can play as an advantage because she’d be a class six (in my world, the highest power classifactions on teh ESP scale [Energia Stabability and Projection).
Any suggestions people you guys seem like geniouses to this field of help!
Heya, *i88*! ^_^
I like that your character is a GIRL named Zero.
More often that not, the name is used for boy characters, so I thought it sounded cool.
So far, I like the idea that Zero has to WORK to get information out of peoples’ brains, heh-heh.
It seems WAY too easy for psychic heroes to just hop into somebody’s brain and find the EXACT information that they want.
It’s hard navigating through your OWN thoughts, much less somebody else’s when the terrain is completely different.
So having to weed through the jumbled, mass of conscious and subconscious thoughts of her victims could be really interesting.
Especially if she’s reading the mind of an emotionally disturbed person.
Maybe for a little while after connecting so closely with somebody’s mind, Zero can have the after effects of feeling suicidally depressed (if her victim is), or she must struggle with a nearly overwhelming hatred for “mankind” (if her victim was an angry pyschopath).
So not only would she get one heck of a migraine or powerblast (powers going berserk) because of the stress, but AFTER her powers go a little nuts, she’d be trying to remember that the hatred or sadness or euphoria she’s feeling afterwards isn’t HERS, but somebody else’s…?
Does any of that sound helpful at all for another “weakness” instead of ONLY high pressure?
I really do like your idea of making her WORK for the thoughts she’s looking for instead of immediately finding whatever she needs.
…Oh wait, now that I read what you wrote again, I think you meant she can’t “zero in” on ONE person’s thoughts, but she gets everybody in the room instead. xD
Jumbled thoughts = group of people, not just one individual that she’s trying to read.
Whoops…
I hope this post is still sort of relevant, even though I misunderstood, haha.
NO it helps I’m glad you like my concept. But she does have to jumble through sub conscience thoughts as well and I do hate it when a psychic just gets the answers so fast that it makes your head spin. It’s not fun when a superhero can kill someone by looking at them, psychics are so easy to make over powerful.
I called this character “Zero” because I think she has “Zero Limits” with her powers but she doesn’t have enough control and focus to live to the codename she gave herself. She gave herself that name because people call her Zero because she’s short. Her super hero trio she’s in Fake (a shapeshifter who’s the cocky loser slacker, wise guy of the group) calls her ‘booster seat’ because she’s so short. Steel (metal manipulation and has a roug power to but can give others the power he steals) has to bend down to talk to her.
Thanks for suggestions Trolli, I’m new to the superhero business.
-*i88*
Oh by the way, Zero’s powers go out of control because when she can’t focus on a thought or letting the emotional/physical stress get to her, all that energy has to go somewhere and it either hurts her or it goes around her in an out of control frenzy.
Did anyone like the name Nature as a substitution for Element?
I think it’s fly, what elements does your person namly control?
BBGirl,
I think your largest problem with finding a name for Element is that she’s well on her way to being a Mary Sue. Given the vast scope of her powers, you’re finding it difficult to pin down a distinctive characteristic to identify with.
Consider picking one element (two at most, like Earth and Plant) and I think you’ll find it easier to name her and in so doing, the concept of her will crystallize.
@ *i88*
she mainly likes to control earth and plants because it’s easiest for her, she has a kind of “back to nature save the planet” personality.
@ M.Noir
I know what you said id true, but I’va had this character in my head so long that it would be hard to change her, but it can be done and it would make things easier if I did, thanks for the advise.
I want to make the main character in my novel. A immortal, but I didn’t want them to be a vampire or a werewolf. I think using these would kind of being boring. So I decided to just make them a immortal race with no mythical background. Basically, they are just a race with a rare blood condition. Not many immortals are born because many of them die during birth because of the condition but there are some that have survived. Their blood turns blue when they reach their 18th birthday. They trade the mortallity for immortallity. They have enhanced strength and speed and some have mental powers. They simply have healing abilities. their pretty much the same as humans. Excepth for the blue blood and they live a lot longer. This Blue blood race have their own weakness to. 1) They can’t touch wrought iron.
2) Oxygen is nesscary but pure oxygen is like CO2 to them. 3) While sunlight isn’t deadly to them, they can get sick to Ultraviolet radiation. *beware the UV lamps*
so I just need some ideas. All comments are welcome.
*Even the most unhelpful comments can spark great ideas*
I am also having doubts about his precognitive ability. It doesn’t allow for much suspense. So any ideas, again will be helpful.
Maybe when he has a vision (?) it can appear in a flash of rapid, chaotic pictures and sounds which causes him to have splitting headaches.
And maybe he than has to pause a second to decipher what the images meant.
A note about the oxygen: pure oxygen is deadly to humans, too. We don’t filter oxygen from the air, we take in a mixture of gases but oxygen is the only helpful one. We just breathe the rest out.
Maybe the visions are like possibilities that could happen, but won’t necessarily. Like what’s-her-name in Twilight.
Alice Cullen, that’s her name.
Also, maybe the farther he looks into the future the more unclear the vision appears.
a note about blood octupuss and squid have blue blood and apparently blue blood dousent carry oxagien well so they could easily suffocate
I read somewhere that the blood in your veins is blue, and that it becomes red when in comes in contact with the outside air, like when you get a cut.
Does anyone know if thats really true?
i read its yellow but in House i think it was they said it was purpel when emptyed of oxagyen
you see Iron turns red when in contact with oxagen thats why our bloods red
Copper turns green Spiders blood is filled with copper
There’s more to it than that. Deoxygenated blood (that is, blood without oxygen) is blue. When it becomes oxygenated (gains oxygen) it turns red. Your heart’s job is to pump the deoxygenated blood into your lungs so it can get oxygen, then to pump the oxygen-rich blood around your body to get the oxygen everywhere.
I forget which one’s which but veins and arteries take blood to and from the heart. The one taking it to the heart has blue blood in it, the one taking it from the heart has red blood in it.
tl;dr version: Kinda.
Blue Bamfer:
For your plant hero, what about Thorn for a name?
Darn, I’ve got a Thorn. Here I thought I was being original. xD Or at least… unusual?
It is an original idea, but if you are already using it I’ll just stick with Nature.
Oh, it’s no problem if you’d like to use it too.
Marissa, sorry gal, I didn’t know I was fishing in your name pond.
No problem at all, my name pond is huge. ;D
DC Comics already took Thorn.
By the looks of it, she’s a very minor character, plus she’s the wrong gender, plus my Thorn has powers, plus I’ve got a novel going rather than a comic book series, so I think I’m fine.
Hmm. I don’t know if you’re familiar with American Dragon, but Disney ended up changing the name of Thorn, a villainess/love-interest, to avoid legal issues with DC. And that was a TV show rather than a comic book.
According to TV Tropes, the change was made after the first season had already been recorded. I imagine it would have been more than a bit of work to re-record the episodes… I doubt they would have made the change unless they felt the legal problems were serious.
However, I suspect that these sorts of legal issues would probably not scare away a publisher that was otherwise interested.
American Dragon is a TV show. I almost see TV shows and movies more closely related to novels than comic books are, anyway.
If it becomes a problem, I’ll change it.
Plus, American Dragon’s Thorn is also female, while it sounds like a masculine name. That may also have been a problem for them.
Random, but…
Happy Fourth of July!
Not that random. Did you see my post today on how to grill hamburgers and hot dogs?
No, but I will now.
Hmmm… Dunno if this constitutes a superhero story in the way you’re thinking, but it does include a psychic of sorts.
I’ve been thinking of this story for a loooong time and developed a lot of characters quite far…
The main character in my story is Jengo. He is a 16 year old male who has been hiding from a company he escaped from two years previously.
Before being taken by the company he shows no signs of special abilities, even though in my story there are humans that do. after awakening from his capture, he finds a deep scar on his chest and shows distinct increase in his physical abilities, including an advanced strength, reflex and stamina growth, and a few mental techniques, including telekinesis, telepathy and an ability to manipulate energy.
Since leaving the company he has learned to control very little of his telepathy, meaning whenever he tries to read minds, it comes up as a haze of random images, or just a sort of white noise.
In order to explain where he recieved these abilities, I’ve created a whole back story for the company, explaining where they managed to get these abilities from.
A scientist, yet unnamed, tries desperately to prove his theories of other dimensions exist. Together, he and two other scientists who believe his theories try to create a small rift in time and space, funded by the Nazi’s who were looking at all sorts of different and unique weapons. Needless to say, they succeeded, and come across a volcanic wasteland at the other end of the rift.
To cut the story short, two come back torn to pieces and the originator of the disease has become host to a creature of pure evil… One of many evil creatures in the wasteland that turns out to be not another dimension but just another world.
Basically the scientist starts a company whose hidden intention is the breeding of these creatures, and released in secret into the public, the creature’s secret plot starts to slowly overtake the world. They are bred in humans, but only the humans that have abilities because their bodies are strong enough to cope with the host, as they are more developed than humans.
Jengo’s powers come from himself, but are strong because of the host. Jengo resolves to take the company down, along with the freedom fighters: a group of gifted people who have all been affected by the company, or the creatures they create. But there are a few more story features that I’d like to keep hidden…
My problem is… I don’t know where to start the story.
From Jengo’s POV explaining his daily on-the-run life? From the company’s view and their experiments? (which I thought was too dark to explain at the very beginning) Or from the freedom fighters’ view in an epic duel between the mage character and Random Employee No.1 who is horribly scarred from the company’s experiment on his lightning manipulation technique. Or another start if you can think of another?
Also, I read through all of the posts, and the limitations I have on Jengo are thus:
1. The strength he has is enough to lift a car off of himself, but people who have been implanted with a creature shows the same, maybe even more strength, depending on H.S.S. (Host to Symbiote Synchronization).
2. His levitation ability is rather limited at the start, having only the ability to move objects as heavy as a sofa about.
3. He is, however, very talented at random bursts of telekinesis from his hands, giving his “force push” ability quite some potency, but can leave him drained after just three uses.
4. He has the speed and stamina to run at nearly 60 mph for nearly half an hour.
5. His endurance means he can take a few heavy hits before hitting the deck. In the story, he is hit by a large falling forest tree and leaves with nothing but a couple of broken wrists, a large headache, and a big dent in his pride.
6. His telepathy is hard to use. He cannot simply focus on a person and get into their mind. He enters what he calls their mindscape, which is different for every person. The one he enters in the story is a web of doors and picture frames. within the picture frames are moving pictures of what the person he is probing has ever remembered, each picture a different memory, so finding the one thought can take time, unless he makes the person specifically remember that memory, then the picture seems to glow with an ominous light.
7. He has no ability to read the future and has a very limited extra sensory perception, which he can only use in a one on one fight, enabling him to rather distinctly tell what his opponent is going to do. This allows me to write some elaborate fight scenes, with a lot of switching around and changes in tactics, keeping it crisp and fresh, and in some ways, fair. Although this does give him a major advantage over your average Joe, which I’m kinda pondering about.
Any helpful tips and additions you think would be useful for me would be good.
Thanks…
Haha, I got a bit carried away. I didn’t mean to write an essay asking for help!
Hello Jarus!
First and foremost, the question of where to start:
1. If it were me, I’d try to explain how this all began. At least, have an opening (prologue of some sort perhaps) that focuses on the first time this rift opens, and the realization by the scientists of what they’ve discovered. I don’t think it’s too dark (though a penance for darkness, I has. *yoda, yo*)
I would, as a reader, like to know what exactly could prompt your main character to go to a life on the run. Having a prologue that shows this dark/evil thing from another world would set the stage. I’d certainly not one to be near such a thing and could understand your main character running from it.
2. If not that, then I suggest perhaps a flashback from your main characters POV about the day they escape. I’m sure it was monumental and breathtaking.
Limitations:
7-yes I see why you say Major Advantage. I would, if he’s gonna have this power, have him able to use this ability against the average Joe and no one else.
For example, if he meets someone like him, they are evenly matched, which means he has to rely on his humanity rather than these powers he has.
Now, for an average Joe (unlucky purse thief) he can easily best them, which gives him the ability to scare the underworld but those higher in power regard him as little more than an annoyance, if that.
My two cents.
Here are some thoughts and suggestions, Jarus.
Does he have special powers before getting experimented on? “Before being taken by the company he shows no signs of special abilities…” But the creatures are only bred in humans that have powers, right? If he does have powers, where did they come from? If he doesn’t have powers, why are they operating on him anyway?
Have you decided whether this is a novel or a comic book? (Or something else entirely?)
Even though the character doesn’t run around in capes or a mask, I’d probably classify it as a sci-fi superhero story. Still, that only matters when you start talking to publishers.
What’s Jengo’s personality like? What will make him likable?
Beginning points for the story. Personally, I’d recommend starting with Jengo and leading up to his capture by the company. I think that starting with the main character is generally the best way to create a coherent and interesting story. If you start with a character that isn’t Jengo, people will think that he’s the main character and will wonder who the hell this Jengo guy is. “But I was reading about the mage!”
Host to Symbiote Synchronisation sounds a bit like mumbo-jumbo. I’d recommend coming up with something shorter and easier to understand. For example, “compatibility.” People that are more compatible with their symbiotes get more powers. Etc.
He has a lot of powers. I’d recommend cutting out 2-3 that aren’t as important. For example, I don’t think he needs the ability to read what moves a fighter will use against him. In fact, fights will probably be more interesting if he has to guess.
Other than that, this sounds pretty good. Would you like a review forum?
Speaking of the Invisible Woman rearranging body organs…
-Barrier heroes can create shields in the middle of an enemy’s body.
-”Laser vision” heroes can look around frantically, slicing through everyone there.
-Telekinetic heroes can poke a villain’s eyes out from a distance.
-Size manipulation heroes can become tiny, get eaten, and then expand.
-Heroes with absolute persuasive powers (came out in Heroes) could do anything if they didn’t have the idiot ball ._.
You’re not thinking big enough with telekineses. A telekinetic could theoretically detach limbs. Gross eh?
Good point.
Detach limbs, crush organs, pluck out the eye (thinking bigger), pull out the tongue… gah, I wish I didn’t mention this stuff now…
A magnetist could float iron dust in the air, then blast it off at a foe, shooting tiny particles of iron into the enemy’s body. Then of course, the magnetist could rip the embedded particles outward…
snap the spinel cord in half to paralise the enamy u want a real look in to the power of telekineses watch rose red and push
Don’t forget with magnetism what Magneto did in the third X-Men film. He pulled the iron out of someone’s blood (granted the guy had to be injected with excess iron first).
That was the second film Tom but that was pretty sweet
and teleporters could just take the villian’s head off
Teleporters could do a LOT more than that. You guys aren’t being creative enough!
oh, I know, I just don’t want to make anyone sick
I’m thinking of writing up a protagonist with empathy and emotion control powers. Otherwise, he would be ‘a typical human’. Thoughts on pitfalls to avoid?
My biggest concern is the on/off syndrome. Presented with the threat of violence, this hero could turn the attacker(s)’ feelings towards him loyal, or peaceful for instance. What I mean is, the power works, or it doesn’t.
At the moment, I’ve limited his power to about 8 minute intervals, after which the fake emotion must be reapplied. I’ve also applied the limitation that while ‘under the influence’ the emotion feels genuine but when the effect wears off, the target realizes the feelings were artificial.
I was also thinking that I could have the character use empathy as a lie detector, sensing the intent to deceive. That would only tell if a lie had been told, not what the truth was, though.
Any other thoughts?
You might want to think about other possible limitations. Even if the fake emotion wore off after 8 minutes, if the character was able to reapply the emotion immediately that might still be too easy. Maybe there could be a sort of recharge time before (s)he can use his/her powers again, a limit to how many times it can be used on the same person, or each successive time the fake emotion is less convincing to the target?
I agree with Lavapulse. In particular, I think that it’s a power that wouldn’t lend itself well to particularly interesting fight-scenes. Either the character can mind-control his enemies or he can’t. Either way, there’s little prospect for memorable (or perhaps even satisfying) fights. Perhaps he can only control one person’s emotions at once? It’d be sort of interesting to see how he escapes a small gang of mooks if he can only mind-control one of them.
I think that eight minutes is a good time-span, but it might be more interesting if it couldn’t be reapplied afterwards. That forces him to keep moving, do whatever he needs to do with the person and find a new victim.
…
Lie-detection can be problematic. It’s not as bad as mind-reading, but it sucks out some of the drama of lies and intrigue. It could be a major problem.
There are usually three main pillars of most superhero stories.
1) Action/combat–fights, chase scenes, etc.
2) Investigation– what a superhero does when he’s trying to solve cases outside of action.
3) Relationships– usually romance and/or teamwork.
I think that the ability to detect lies will make it difficult to do #2 well. I wouldn’t recommend that unless you are very, very committed to running with #3.
Thank you for the well-considered responses.
I can understand the reasons to limit his emotion control abilities to create more tension, but I have two main objections to the limitations you both (Lavapulse and B. Mac) have mentioned. One is stated above in the initial post at the very top: a psychic, stripped of his mental abilities is ‘normal’. Facing a super-powered adversary – one with few or no qualms about using his/her powers cruelly – the de-powered or limited psychic is going to get pulped very quickly. To say nothing of getting accosted by, say, 4-6 toughs with knives and pipes or be the target of a drive-by.
The second reason is more about this kind of character in particular. If the character is empathic, it’s unlikely that he would choose to seek out violence as he’s going to feel every blow he inflicts on his attacker as well as the pain of any victims in addition to the personal pain being inflicted on him. I think a character like this is going to have a predisposition for tactics and tools that end fights quickly. (In other words, he’s the exact opposite of a psychopath. Instead of having no conscience about how he affects the world, he’s got a super-conscience.) (no pun intended)
Other thoughts?
Have you considered expanding the character into a gadgeteer beyond his initial psychic abilities? If you did so, you could have limitations on his abilities without making the character too weak, and it could give the character a more unique appeal, since his non-fatal weapons would ideally be ones that used something other then pain or force to achieve their ends, which would rule out most of those dependent on pain to work, such as stun guns or sprays such as capsaicin which would allow you to be clever with them. Crowd control weapons would be relatively easy to come up with for this scenario, such as bolos or large nets.
A character you could take inspiration from in comic books would be the only good Blue Beetle from DC Comics, Ted Kord. His primary weapon was a BB gun but he still took such precautions as to ensure that only he could use it.
You wouldn’t even have to modify the character’s personality or behavior a great deal, no matter how it is, after all, even Rorschach managed to get a grappling hook from Nite Owl.
Or, and this suggestion is slightly unusual, you could simply leave him with the liabilities that the limitations would bring. He shouldn’t be invincible, and him being weaker then the majority of heroes would be interesting, particularly if he succeeded in spite of it. Iron Man is a man with a heart condition without his armor, he is just as much, if not more so, likely to die from a drive-by or a six pack of hooligans as the rest of us and he gets along fine.
There’s a sort of disconnect with abilities of that psychic of a nature, which in my experience lends to the most of audience seeing them more as tools then a part of him, and it frankly wouldn’t be as impressive if he could solve his problems exclusively with his powers, then if he was legitimately in danger and survived because of his intellect or resourcefulness.
Doctor Who generally doesn’t just sonic screwdriver his way to success. he gets taken out of his element and survives by the skin of his teeth, or by the skin of the teeth of the actor that replaced him because he died a little in the course of the story. These limitations suggested would give you the power to do that without something as contrived as a power nullifier or a space flu.
Sorry, first paragraph got a bit redundant, I fell asleep while I was writing it and forgot to check it before I moved on.
Thank you Lightning Man. That’s something else to think about.
Hey, I’m new to superhero writing. I have an idea for an interesting story and was wondering what you guys think.
My main character is a 17 year old boy going to a normal public school. One day, on his walk home from school, he finds a very old ring on the ground. He takes it and tries it on. The ring is from another dimension and gives the user powers. (There is a whole backstory to where the ring comes from and it turns out that the last owner is alive and wants it back, but the ring is only one out of many that are out there).
Then when he goes to bed he has a dream explaining the ring to him (like what powers he has and limitations) explained to him by a “trapped soul” who has explained it to many people before him and has a special liking to him and tells him interesting things that he never told to anyone else. It’s hard to explain without giving it away. The ring infuses into him leaving a scar on the finger it was on. He thinks its all a “bad dream” and dismisses it… later he tries it out and kills someone in school by giving them a heart attack.
Powers:
1. He can control all matter with his mind (human organs, trees, water, objects, fire, basically anything)
2. Able to influence the mind, but only on other regular humans. Basically only uses it on girls to get them to like him more.
I’m planning on making him an evil character because he thinks he’s a god and can basically control all life. Later, an older superhero fights him and in the “after battle conversation” (you know, right before the loser dies), the hero changes his mind on how to use his powers. That is all just a huge sub-plot because the main one is the guy trying to get the ring back because the more rings you have, the more power the owner has. So that’s kind of why I need a limitation on the power of one ring compared to two.
So, any ideas on limitations to add and possibly a name for the older super hero and the ultimate bad dude would be? (I’m thinking that he would most likely be some sort of demon since he is from a different dimension). And the other people with the other rings are going to have basically the same powers as the main guy depending on how many they have.
Also, I read most of your comments. I’d love to read your novels/comics when you finish them– they all sound so awesome.
Hello, JC. Here are some thoughts and suggestions.
–The main character is a chosen one. He passively stumbles onto his powers rather than doing something to prove himself or develop his character. For example, Daredevil throws himself into the way of a chemical truck trying to save someone.
–That main character could probably be better-developed. What’s his personality like? Why will people want to read about him? Does he have any defining traits?
–The idea of the dream sequence explaining the powers seems kind of cheesy. It might be more effective to introduce another character to explain that through dialogue, or ideally have him discover it through trial and error.
–Why does the guy in the ring like him better than any of the previous users? That strikes me as a variation on “shilling the Wesley“– when characters try to establish how awesome another character is by praising him. Usually not very effective. For one thing, what has he done to deserve that praise? Why is he being praised?
–I think he’s kind of holding an idiot ball when he dismisses the dream.
–The powers feel too broad to me. It seems to me that it will be difficult to do an interesting fight scene if you can just stop the other guy’s heart or whatever. Will you be able to do a fight-scene that lasts more than a page? I’d recommend narrowing the scope of the powers considerably. Maybe each ring has a different power and the incentive to collect more rings is to add more powers?
–Not sure about the ability to influence ladies to like him. I think the main reason to add a romance is to appeal to female readers (guys usually hate romance)– but I couldn’t see women readers going for it here. I think Bruce Almighty handled this a bit more smoothly. One of the limits on his powers was that he couldn’t mess with free will, so he had to try to use his powers indirectly to win the girl. Drama ensued. That said, it doesn’t feel like the idea of going after women fits into this plot all that well, from what I can tell.
–I’d recommend against using an evil character as the lead for a first-time novel. I don’t think he will be likable or particularly sympathetic.
–Usually, stories about characters falling into villainy are more compelling when the character starts out as very likable, sympathetic or impressive. Those traits help readers care about whether he falls at the end. It doesn’t like he’s there yet.
Hey, B. Mac. Thanks for commenting.
I’m sorry I didn’t have a lot of time to go into detail. I was pretty tired when I found this site.
His personality is kind of like the MC in the anime series Death Note, where he is very smart about using his powers. I made him very likable because he thinks about everything and when he gets the powers, he does try to experiment right away on what he can and cannot do with them at an abandoned construction site. But at school he is just a normal teenage boy with friends and enemies.
The “dream” (which I don’t know if I want to keep– I was thinking about having the soul just come out of the ring and talk to him) was inside his consciousness where he has a one on one conversation with the demon, asking questions and whatnot. I understand this is kind of “cheesy” but there were only so many ways I thought of before I started to write.
And I forgot to add that the reason the demon takes a special liking to him is because he is the first “human” to wear the ring. All the others were from different planets in his dimension, and there is one ring to each of the different dimensions. The demon inside the ring is watching him all the time and when he goes to sleep he talks to him, letting him know other secrets like that there are more rings. (This does not happen every time he sleeps). Once he wears the ring he can eventually travel to other dimensions but I’m not sure whether to go that route or just have the others come to him.
The powers I listed weere just all ideas about what he can eventually have. I do see how the heart thing could be way too overpowering but do you think it’d be okay to add that he has to concentrate really hard and that the people he’ll be fighting aren’t human (so he doesn’t really know how their innards work)? I think you’re right about narrowing the scope but what’s the limit for just one ring that grants him the ability to control stuff? I do like how he gave his “bully” a heart attack because I added a lot of drama between them and I think that the hatred between the two added to the ring’s power. That might help with making sure he just can t go around giving people heart attacks and how he starts out kind of renegade.
Yeah the whole influence to the ladies is going to get thrown out. I tried to include it but found out it’s weird to include a “sex scene” in a book like this.
The reason why i wanted him to be evil, or more “renegade” is that I think power would go to anybody’s head in real life, because no one can stop them. I was thinking he would use his abilities to do petty crimes at first, maybe if he got into street fights he wouldn’t care to finish the guy off or kill a couple cops to get away. I know that if i got powers tonight i would go steal that t.v. I’ve always wanted.
I forgot to add that the ring amplifies his decisions (couldn’t think a a better word). Like every bad decision sounds less evil the more he makes them, and every good decisions sound more heroic the more he makes them, that’s why he is ably to change from evil to good. After the battle with (let’s call him) Batman, Batman’s powerful words make its way through the ring’s hold (because he is weakened by the fight) and lets him see what he has really been doing. Then he starts the high, difficult, road to being a hero.
Now that I’ve explained a little bit more, do you have anything else to add or comment on?
Thanks again.
“And I forgot to add that the reason the demon takes a special liking to him is because he is the first “human” to wear the ring.” Okay, what does the demon like about humans?
…
“Yeah, the whole influence to the ladies is going to get thrown out. I tried to include it but found out it’s weird to include a ’sex scene’ in a book like this.” Hmm, yeah. I think that would be rather creepy under the circumstances.
“The reason why I wanted him to be evil, or more “renegade” is that I think power would go to anybody’s head in real life, because no one can stop them.” I think that’s very similar to the underlying concept behind Death Note. I feel pretty strongly that a corrupted hero will probably not work for a first-time author. It’s a difficult concept, the hero will probably face likability issues, and I don’t think there are many instances in which it has succeeded. All in all, I suspect that it will be very hard to get it published.
…
I would recommend developing the character more. Some distinguishing personality traits will probably help a lot.
As far as “why doesn’t he just shut down his mind or something”, what if the villian has mental barriers to prevent that? And for telekinesis, maybe some kind of device that counteracts any foreign psychic entities? That would force the hero to rely on his own skills or his wits to survive.
Riku, I am strongly opposed to power nullifiers for a lot of reasons, but ultimately, they’re no different the the much undermined Kryptonite, a weakness that I genuinely like. Before you start adding all the weird stuff like splitting him into two people, all Kryptonite does to Superman is weaken him to a level an author can manage or below. It’s a crutch that good writing can get around, but as much as I hate to admit it, it shouldn’t be called for to get around it, Superman shouldn’t need Kryptonite, I’d never support taking it away from the character, but he shouldn’t.
Power nullifiers, if they exist in a continuity at all should be limited to plot devices, and they should hurt those affected by them. They should never, by any means be part of a character. If your character needs not have their powers to be threatened, then they’re too powerful.
Of course, this just my poorly put opinion.
Hi,
In this project I’m doing I need to come up with a name for my superhero.
She can read minds, see through walls and is telekinetic.
I also need help coming up with a weakness for her (For instance Super Man has kryptonite…)
A few thoughts…
–What kind of mood do you want your story to have? Also, who’s your target audience? Obviously, a gritty sort of hero aimed at 20-somethings will probably have a very different name than someone who’s more whimsical and/or meant for kids.
–I’m sort of not a fan of Kryptonite-style weaknesses (you can see my reasoning here, if you’d like). Again, I think that the mood matters. I wouldn’t recommend using a Kryptonite-like vulnerability to something random unless the story is likely to benefit from a bit of nostalgia that might feel a bit cheesy. It wouldn’t work in a gritty story and probably wouldn’t work in a mainstream action story (Spiderman, for example). Alternately, I think it’d be less of an issue in a comedy or something aimed at kids.
I was thinking about maybe making this for kids, but could you just shout out some names because I’m really desperate, thanks.
On [i]Heroes[/i] Matt Parkman can be surprized because he has to be actually concentrating to read someone’s mind. If he’s thinking about something else, a baddie can take him down. That’s how the bald guy managed to jump him and strap that bomb on him.
“Cat (I want to change her name, but can’t think of one that hasn’t already been used)- cat ears, heightened senses, claws (think Wolverine, only nails) and a tail for enhanced balance”
How about the Cat Queen/Queen of Cats? I was gonna name a superheroine that; or, since she’s Hispanic, La Reina del Gatos. I don’t speak Spanish though; make sure if you use it to check the grammar with a Spanish speaker first.
“I’m thinking of writing up a protagonist with empathy and emotion control powers. Otherwise, he would be ‘a typical human’. Thoughts on pitfalls to avoid?”
I wrote up a villainess like that; she has to be in very close proximity to – preferably touching – her victims to apply her “whammy”.
Another all-purpose limitation I can suggest for any super is a whack with the stupid stick, or at least the why-didn’t-I-think-of-that-at-the-time?! stick.
Hellooo!
Wow… this is a handy site. (has spent the past hour or so wandering around)
Um… not to be bothersome, but I’m considering writing a story featuring a protagonist who can see the future. Any thoughts on problems that could arise with this, and if so, how to limit her ability? I’ve not been thinking about it long, but so far I’ve considered the idea that she can’t control when she gets the visions and when she doesn’t, the possibility that it’s painful to have the vision, or maybe that she sees dozens of random possibilities rather than one concrete event.
Anyone got any ideas? All help sincerely appreciated.
Hello, Ribbit. Welcome to SN!
I have a few concerns about prophecy. If the reader knows what is going to happen, it could ruin the suspense. Also, your antagonists would probably lose at least some element of surprise against the character (see item #3 in this article). It would be difficult to apply the power creatively. Finally, if this is a superhero story, I’d recommend powers that have more combat application.
I like the idea of limiting this power, but not being in control of when the visions come is a bit weak. It erodes her ability to save the day of her own volition. It could also easily lead to contrivance. “Good thing I got that vision just in the nick of time!”, etc.
Pain would be pretty simple and easy to work with.
I really like the idea of seeing dozens of random possibilities. I think the explanation of why she sees dozens rather than one set in stone would be pretty interesting. (What she’s seeing is probably a variety of scenarios based on the choices she makes leading up to that moment). Also, you could create a sense of urgency by having the dozens of possibilities dwindle as the moment approaches.
Hello Ribbit (Fun name by the way)-
I also have a character who can see the future – however, she can’t control what she sees or when she sees it, and the clarity of her visions varies (at one point, she can only hear what’s going on). She can see things connected directly to her, her own future, or even random things which have nothing to do with her. This ability causes her to be thought insane by everyone with the exception of her sister.
Tell us about your character. What are they like?
- Wings
Charmed, Dead Zone, and Medium take care of this by having the visions be brief flashes (or dreams) that are rather ambiguous till events put them into perspective. Allison Duvois (Medium) in particular is prone to misinterpreting her dreams.
Hello Wings. And thanks, I couldn’t think of anything actually
.
I’m still sort of puzzling out her character. So far, she only really associates with her family. Quirky little ‘gifts’ as they call them, are common in their family, so they understand what’s going on, but don’t really know how to deal with it, because no one’s had that sort of power for a few generations. They’ve got their hearts in the right places, but they discourage her from going out in case she slips up and reveals what she can do. As a result, she’s madly curious about anything or anyone new, and quite reckless because she doesn’t think about danger. She’s quite booksmart, but if she was allowed to go out on her own and a random man invited her into a car, she might just think she’d made a new friend and jump in. Hm… intelligent and curious, but inexperienced and naive.
Oh- and her name is Dru. I should perhaps have mentioned that earlier instead of constantly referring to her as ’she.’
Hi ya’ll. Love the site. Lot of interesting information around here that has been helpful to me.
Anyway, a few nights ago, I had a dream that I could suddenly turn invisible, “ghost” (walk through walls), and teleport at will. When I woke, I really wanted to do a story about a character who has the same powers.
Here are his powers (the secret identity’s name is Christian Bridger):
1. able to turn himself invisible to the eye (he bends light, which means that he still emits heat)
2. able to “ghost” (basically, he can excite his atomic structure in such a way that he moves through the wall. Though the wall can’t be made out of dense materials (such as lead))
3. able to teleport (not sure how this is accomplished, though I’m thinking it has something to do with the ability for his atoms to interact with the quantum pore structure of the universe, allowing him to teleport from point A to point B almost instantaneously)
Some limitations I’ve thought up:
- his powers don’t work in lead, being ultra-dense and being well-know to block out particles (so if he were locked in a lead-walled room, he’d be effectively powerless)
- when he’s invisible, he can still be detected by heat sensor
- in order to teleport, he has to see the place first (sort of like “Jumper”, only Christian Bridger can just look at a detailed picture and teleport to that place)
So what I need your help with is:
- Can anyone (who is scientifically minded) help be think of a plausible origin story?
- Can anyone help me think of a good superhero name for this guy?
- Are there limitations I haven’t accounted for or just didn’t include?
- If anyone is interested, I need help fleshing out an archnemesis for this guy.
- Is there any information I need to include that I’ve forgot?
BTW, this guy is about sixteen, maybe a year older. Sort of like Spiderman in that sense. And I’m planning on aiming it at a teenage/twenty-something year old audience.
I’m not too worried about the origin story being plausible. I’d recommend focusing a bit more on an origin story that shows us something about the character. For example…
–Static Shock survives the chemical accident without major deformities because he decided not to participate in the gang fight. This origin emphasizes his responsibility, I think.
–Daredevil saves a woman from an oncoming truck. But he gets exposed to radioactivity that blinds him but heightens his other senses. I think this origin emphasizes his almost-suicidal bravery (after all, he is The Man Without Fear).
–Spiderman’s is very interesting. For me, the origin story is less the radioactive spider bite (which is a random coincidence that has nothing to do with who Peter Parker is) and more his refusal to stop the criminal that goes on to kill Uncle Ben. This emphasizes negative traits, his irresponsibility and moral imperfection. It makes him unusually relatable and human. (For the record, I absolutely would not have stopped the criminal either).
“Is there any information I need to include that I’ve forgot?” Personality? Key traits? (In the context of superpowers, it would make it a bit easier to develop an origin story that reinforces his key traits).
So, as I suggested above, the plausibility of the origin matters less than what it shows about the character. However, plausibility always helps. To explain ghost like powers, I think you could use chemicals, nanotech, radioactivity/mutation, lab accident, a meteorite, experimental medical treatment gone awry, etc. I think only a few are unworkable here: “military test subject” and “Frankenstein’s monster” and there’d be some believability issues with genetic engineering.
…
On a target audience level, I’m not sure age 16 works here. In most YA novels, the audience is maybe 0-4 years younger than the protagonist. (Old enough to be cool, young enough to be relatable/relevant).
–I think it’d be very difficult to appeal to teens (13-19) and twenty-somethings (20-~25) with a single novel. 15 year olds often have very different tastes than 22 year olds. For the purposes of your target audience, I’d recommend going with either 13-19 or 18-30 and maybe you’ll score the other as a peripheral demographic. But I wouldn’t recommend mentioning the peripherals in the query because it’s not very likely that they’ll pan out. Based on the age of the protagonist, I think 13-19 is more viable than 18-30.
–If he can teleport, is the ability to phase necessary? Not that I think 3 powers is too many for a sole protagonist– actually it seems quite doable.
–I would recommend against allowing him to use invisibility in tandem with his other powers. So, for example, phasing or teleporting interferes with his ability to go invisible for maybe 15 or 30 seconds. Enough time to make things interesting if he runs into trouble.
–I’ll hold off on the nemesis until I know a bit more about the character’s personality/traits/background.
PS: I’ve heard a few times from agents and editors that they take poorly to stories inspired by dreams. Not a problem here, of course, but when you eventually query, I’d suggest not mentioning the inspiration.
The mention of the dream was just an interesting tidbit for you guys. It won’t be included in the query.
I’m thinking his nature is more investigative. A natural science lover, if you will.
In fact, I’ve decided to change his age to 23 to have a more plausible origin story that, in turn, reveals something about his identity. Here’s the origin story that I just came up with:
Christian Bridger, a college student who has an obvious interest in physics, finds himself as one of three student lab assistants to renowned physicist Dr. Maurice Bonifaz.
Dr. Bonifaz is a world famous physicist, loved by the media (mostly due to his insulting brand of comedy (he insults fellow physicists to get laughts)). Consequently, he is hated by his fellow physicists. Colleagues not only hate him for his comedic style, but also for his “ludicrous” idea about the five types (not states) of matter. These, according to Dr. Bonifaz are: regular matter, anti-matter, dark matter, strange matter, and negative matter.
Dr. Bonifaz classifies the kinds of matter based on their reactions to regular matter and to the so-called quantum foam of the universe. Dr. Bonifaz believed he could convert any kind of matter to another simply by bouncing a new kind of particle at any kind of matter.
But Dr. Bonifaz was also extremely careful and was a firm believer in the strange matter apocalypse (a strangelet (strange matter atom) will convert regular matter to strange matter, turning Earth into a strange matter blob if a strangelet was ever let loose). While he believed he could actually convert any kind of matter to any other kind of matter, he didn’t pursue it, due to his superstitiousness.
But Christian Bridger, who was a big fan of Dr. Bonifaz, wanted this theory tested. So one night, Christian stayed late at the lab and worked to try to create such a particle. During one of his attempts, intense radiation was emitted, but Christian had no knowledge of it. He just kept working.
Suddenly, Christian collapsed on the floor of the lab, the particle accelerator glowing.
In the morning, Christian awoke and the particle accelerator had stopped working in the middle of the night. Christian deamed the experiment a failure, and failed to let Dr. Bonifaz in on his late-night experimentation.
The experiment isn’t really a failure though. As Christian soon finds out.
Due to that age change (to 23), I’m thinking of just going for the 18-30 year old demographic.
Something else to mention: Christian can’t use these powers at the same time. So he can’t “ghost” while he’s invisible or teleport while he is invisible.
“Ghosting” (I assume that’s what you call phasing) is his most unlimited ability. It’s only limited in that he can’t phase through lead.
Invisibility is limited in that he can’t conceal his heat signature and that someone could still bump into him, revealing his invisibility. And he can only remain invisible for twenty minutes every two hours. So he could turn invisible at 3:00 p.m., would become visible at 3:20, and not become invisible again until 5:00 p.m..
His teleportation (which I may or may not keep) only works on himself. For example, he can’t grab a hold of a criminal and teleport him to prison. He can only teleport himself (that includes his uniform, but not anything he’s holding).
One of his best friends, named Will Marshel, works as an intern for the local newspaper (Christian goes to Hapsburg University (fictional) in Manhatten (real)), so that’s how he get the interesting leads to investigate.
His girlfriend, Hanna Carly, is studying to be a forensic specialist, her whole family being big on anti-crime. She is the first person Christian confronts about the accident, and she is also the first (and only) person who knows that Christian has these powers, besides Christian himself. In fact, Hanna is actually the person who came up Christian’s superhero name: Phase.
It was largely due to Hanna’s urgings that Christian had decided to become a superhero. Though Christian had never considered becoming a villain anyway (Christian is (and this is not the reason his name is Christian) a devout Christrian, so he’s got a religious motivation for avoiding criminal activity and going for heroic activity. Hanna was just the extra nudge that pushed him to become a hero).
So, a few words about Christian/Phase’s personality:
- He is quite religious
- He is a man of science, and sometimes religion and science clash in his mind (he’s a firm believer of evolution, but he also believes in God, so sometimes he’s got massive debates in his head). Sort of a dual personality
- He is extremely investigative, sometimes to the point of irrationality
- He is obsessed with the saying “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”. Sometimes, because of this mentality, his girlfriend has to confront him about the double-edged sword of justice (not only do villains need to be brought to justice, heros may need to be brought to justice as well)
- He has a large ego, believing he can do things no one else can. This is what caused him to try the experiment which gave him his powers
- He does have a soft spot for people who can’t defend themselves, which, to his ego, is almost everyone
- He is quite intelligent, able to understand difficult concepts and think logically, though he can think creatively
-He is about six feet tall, thin, but has good upper body strength, due to spending most of his life on a farm in Kansas
Does that help? Are there still any problems or things you’re in the dark about?
I’d be happy to tell you or tweak my hero based on constructive criticism.
@MacGruber
Would you perhaps consider something that isn’t “farm in Kansas”? It sounds a bit cliched and gives a pretty generic initial impression of him being religion. Just a shift in location would do really interesting things, such as…
… farm (plantation) in Alabama with possible implications on religion/discrimination?
… ranch hand from Montana with possible implications on how he became obsessed with eye for an eye (dealing with coyotes, …)?
Or you can change the profession to something different, e.g., mechanic’s son.
Keep in mind that when you say he’s from a farm from Kansas, you suggest quite a bit about his childhood. I suggest that if you think about anything formative that you may want to have had happened in his childhood and build his “x from y” information from there (e.g., preacher’s son who used to be the “good kid” to his troublemaker older brother w/some associated guilt due to parental preference). To be honest, he can gain upper body strength from anywhere, but picking up things like religion, an investigative spirit, an ego, etc. aren’t quite so easy to come by and merit more attention.
Your character framework is intriguing and I was thinking of a back-back-story for your character which neatly packages his religion, scientific nature, investigative spirit, and ego… all this, from thinking about Kansas.
So, say he is the middle of three siblings, the son of a preacher and a now-deceased mother. His older sister was rebellious, an avowed atheist and avid scientist and several years (say 7) older than Christian. His younger brother was only 11 months younger and they looked so similar in appearance that they were often thought of as twins. Both Christian and his brother look up to both his father and sister and try to reconcile them; however, Christian is less confident in intervening, while his younger brother is (over-)zealous and tries a lot of ineffective ways to get the father and daughter to get along.
When Christian was about 10, there was an incident where his younger brother asked his father and his sister to meet with him in a park or field between his school and their house for a surprise. Neither father nor sister know that the other was asked, and when they both arrive in the park they are initially surprised to see each other (but quickly realize it was one of the younger brother’s attempts to get them together). They wait around for him to show up, but he doesn’t appear and when they go out to look for him, they find him dead, run over by the side of the road.
In the aftermath, while neither father nor daughter outwardly blame the other, you can tell that inwardly, deep-down, they can’t help but feel the other is responsible. Not only that, but they both argue about the meaning of his death from their respective perspectives. The younger brother, in his death, inadvertently caused the rift between father and daughter to become permanent. The one thing that unifies the two is that they both end up moving on: the father accepting the young brother’s death as the will of God and the daughter as a chance act in a meaningless world.
Here’s where our protagonist comes in. As mentioned, he looks up to both his father and sister and so believes both in his religion and science — however, unlike the two, he refuses to accept the death of his brother and is not pacified by either religious or chance arguments. He is young, so he can’t do much about it, but this refusal to accept his brother’s death fuels his investigative fire and also leads him to adopt some of his brother’s mannerisms and ultimately his brother’s ego.
Forward to his college years and you can keep your origin story, but perhaps add a little nuance. Some “crackpot” religious nut believes that the scientist’s attempt to change the type of matter is actually swapping matter across dimensions, and, in particular, versions of Heaven and Hell. Christian and his professor discount this guy’s ideas as hogwash, except, deep down, Christian wants to believe it to a certain degree and its part of the reason why he’s interested in matter transformation… and so on.
As far as nemeses, you have a variety of angles to go on. While the brother’s death is an accident (and should be introduced as such), you could easily turn it into something planned and the nemesis can stem from there. Or it can be an accident, but the hit-and-run driver is not remorseful. Or, the dead brother could be the nemesis and be residing in Christian (somewhat cliche, but you know) which could be dramatized further if this matter swapping theory is true (because now the brother is actually swapping into Christian’s reality).
The nemesis alternatives above work in part because they depower Christian in a number of ways (that doesn’t just involve locking him in a lead box). Either they are unidentifiable; they cannot be defeated (e.g., for a non-remoreseful mere mortal, what is a Christian hero to do?); it’s in him; …
Plus if you add the matter swapping angle, it makes the phasing/invisibility/teleportation abilities more cohesive (i.e., one phenomenon can largely explain them all, Christian is plane-shifting). Furthermore, if you take the “alternate planes include the place where the deceased go” then you also build in another potential limitation on Christian’s powers — the consequence of his plane-shifting is releasing something form another dimension. Which is particularly risky if there’s something from that dimension (his brother?) that wants to get out…
Alright, just wanted to pass the ideas along — I do dull stuff all day, so it’s fun to think outside those confines. Thanks!
My character is telekinetic and also skilled at martial arts, so she has another weapon if the telekinesis fails her. Also, she has wings on her back, so she can fly.
Hawkfire101:
Hm, somewhat reminiscient of the ‘angels’ in James Patterson’s Maximum Ride. A motley crue of children, previous government experiments, with spliced genes. Part human, part bird. And they also can do martial arts, and I’m sure one of them has mind powers. I haven’t read the series in a long time, but then again, I never liked the series.
I don’t really understand how martial arts, telekinesis, and flying all go together. Care to explain the plot a bit more?
Maybe it’d work better if you removed the wings and applied the telekinesis creatively to the character; utilising a bit of telekinetic force, she can increase the strength and speed of her punches and kicks (see the film Push for an example), and the wings aren’t necessary for her to be able to fly. If you have telekinesis, that means you’re capable of imparting kinetic force, which means that you should be able to fly by simply utilising it.
Newton’s laws of motion state quite clearly that ‘to every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’.
The translation of this is that by using telekinesis, you can impart kinetic force below you, or create something of a kinetic drag away from you, which thus carries you through the air. Thus; flight of a ‘Superman’ style. It’s actually a whole lot more efficient than wings on a scientific basis because the energy requirements for an ordinary human-sized (and, to an extent, shaped) mass to achieve winged flight basically make it rather awkwardly difficult. That isn’t to say that you *can’t* use it, and I’ve personally used winged-humanoid flyers myself in a few areas; if we were letting science get in the way, telekinesis would be right out from the start.
Of course, you can also mix them up. Have it so that the wings obey actual genuine scientific principles, and make it so that most of the *actual* flight is telekinetic, with the wings being used to aid with steering and aerodynamics. My ultimate tip is for you to remember that powers can often open more options than just the ones that are written on the tin.