Oct 15 2007
How to Name Your Character– Superheroes and Otherwise
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This article will cover how to name characters effectively and how to avoid the most common naming problems.
Character names serve several important roles, like differentiating characters and evoking an emotional response from readers.
Readers use names to tell characters apart, obviously. Authors sometimes complicate this by using the same letter to start character names, using similar-looking or similar-sounding names. We will keep John and Hideyuki apart in our minds, but maybe not Clinton and Cliff (or Kevin).
As a rule of thumb, once you have used a given letter to start a character’s name, you can’t use it again. If your work is long enough that you name 15+ characters, then you can start sharing the letters of minor characters who appear in completely different parts of the book. Also, try to mix up the number of syllables in your character names.
Names also serve to define characters. A character’s name should establish or at least suggest a defining trait of the character. If you’re writing a superhero story, you may be able to get away with a wacky name like Captain Carnage or Devil Dog, like Superhero Nation does.
Obviously, most writers have to be more subtle than that. “Neville Longbottom” is a great example of a name that suggests a trait without being too ridiculous. However, giving effeminate and insufferable guys names like Percy is annoying and over-done. It’s like his parents knew he was gonna be a wuss!
Finally, names evoke an emotional response from readers. If your character is a hero, an excellent name will make readers feel he is heroic. This is usually subconscious and relies on word sounds. For example, if you want to associate a character with energy and activity, you’d want to use a firm and short name. Typically, protagonists are active go-getters– otherwise the story would be pretty boring, right?– so they have firm, short names.
When you name main characters, you should also consider whether reading the name 25-75 times an hour will annoy readers. Because of a cold ‘br’ sound, Brian will probably grate readers more than Harry or Gary. Another consideration is the syllable count. Single-syllable names are fine, but not all are created equal. If you compare Joan to Jane and Joe to John, Joan and Joe are usually stronger because they end more pleasantly.
Some other elements of sound you can consider:
- K, V, X and H are harsh. Korvax and Havoc are probably not nice people. (On the other hand, if Korvax is a pleasant newscaster, that could be hilarious).
- B, J, M, F and R are examples of letters that sound firm without being menacing. Frank, B. Mac, Brad, etc.
- L, U, S and O are smooth, soft and sometimes sensual. (Did you like the alliteration?)
Characters immerse your readers in your world. Names help make the audience feel like they’re on your page, that they get what’s going on. For example, we aren’t meant to understand Judge Dredd and The Punisher as even-headed men of justice. If those guys were named John or Mike, we might feel confused and disorientated.
Alternatively, the use of several names for a character can indicate authorial ambiguity to the reader. For example, my Agent Black is also known as the Manhattan Mangler. If I gave you only one of those, you would probably reach a different conclusion about how just, unique and proper he is. Readers would also visualize a different character. The Manhattan Mangler is probably a loose cannon with tattoos, long hair, leather jackets, etc. Agent Black is more kempt, septic and fits more with what we imagine a federal agent should be like. I hope that readers subconsciously associate respectability with conformity.
Common Naming Mistakes
- Using “exotic” names like Xsdajk’Uiopds is completely unacceptable. Generally speaking, extraterrestrials and orcs won’t have names like Dave, but that’s no excuse for randomly stringing together letters. A better approach is stringing together familiar sounds to make new names. For example, your readers are comfortable with Brad and Darian, right? Together, they make Bradarian. If that isn’t alien enough, you could add a prefix or cut out letters to make Bradar, for example. Tim and Milly could make Imilly or Intimilly.
- Names that are too long irritate readers. Generally, a character’s name should be at most three syllables. If you usually include a tag, like Dr. Jekyll or Agent Orange, limit yourself to five.
- Naming a character for reasons your readers can’t appreciate is ineffective. I’ve seen writing guides (plural) suggest that you name characters based on the literal meaning of the names. For example, “Sophia means wisdom in Greek, so name a wise character Sophia!” That advice is awful. Your readers have no clue that Luke means high-born in some language they’ve never heard of. There are drastically better ways to show that Luke is noble, like giving him a corny last name (Skywalker, anyone?)
- Naming a character in an attempt to pay homage to a favorite author is a lose-lose proposition. Let’s say I name my superhero Clark or my dragon Kazul. At best, the name is a lame in-joke. But these scenarios are far more likely.
- A reader picks up the Superman reference and it distracts him whenever he sees Clark’s name.
- He picks up the Superman reference and he thinks I’m a hack.
- He misses the Superman reference (and I wasted an opportunity to give my superhero a name that’s effective for my story).
- My dragon named Kazul is such a blatant ripoff of copyrighted material that I get sued.
- Foreign names may cause readers to stumble. Keep in mind that your readers probably don’t speak Tagalog or Farsi or French or whatever. A good example of a foreign name is Temeraire. The word nicely suggests a consistent pronunciation (TEM-eh-rare). French people might not pronounce it that way. But that doesn’t matter! Your readers will feel they are pronouncing it correctly, even if they aren’t. In contrast, something like “Huitzilapoche” will bewilder your readers. Is Huit pronounced like Hewitt or Hwit? Is poche one syllable or two?
- Last names lead to overcapitalization. Sometimes your characters need last names, but often they don’t, particularly in the beginning. It’s easy to overwhelm Readers by hurling Capitalized Noun Phrases at them. If you do include a last name, either keep it to one syllable or make it easily readable and memorizable. For example, in the story Barbara Bloodbath, everyone will remember Barbara’s last name.
- Using different names to refer to characters often confuses and disorients readers. This can apply to secret identities or titles. For example, if a character is Mrs. Smith at the beginning, she should be Mrs. Smith as much as possible, unless we can easily understand why someone would call her something else. Her kid will call her Mommy, which is self-explanatory. But if someone addresses a line to “Candace” or “Dr. Smith,” we won’t necessarily know if they’re talking to Mrs. Smith. Even if you mentioned that Candace Smith got a medical degree, readers may have missed or forgotten that.
Wow, thanks. I had been having a lot of trouble naming my characters. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the advice… Thanks a lot!!!!
Ok. I’m writing a superhero novel about a character named Jamal Yager. I think that’s ok. But I’m having trouble coming up with his superhero name. The story uses a phoenix-esque bird and genetic manipulation as a driving force behind his abilities but I don’t want to call him Phoenix. Any thoughts?
I like Jamal Yager for his regular name. For his super-identity, I think genetics sounds like an interesting source of inspiration. I’d be a bit more cautious around a phoenix-based name both because X-Men got there first and because phoenixes are a slightly overused, two-dimensional symbol.
I’m not sure what the tone and atmosphere of your story are, but I can offer some generic suggestions. What do you think about Vector or Helix? (A vector is an agent of genetic change). Alternatively, you might try some variation of seed to tie into the phoenix-like cycle of rebirth.
I could probably offer more satisfying suggestions if I knew what kind of story you were writing. Could you give a few details about the character and the plot? What is the main character’s main reason for being a superhero? In the story, who gives the character his super-name?
For a slightly harder sci-fi feel, you might want to try Operon or Plasmid, assuming you are a fan of using single real-life words as superhero names, like Carnage and the Hulk. Which superhero names have you found the most impressive?
Thanks, Jacob. My story is still in the planning stages so I’m experimenting with plots. The basic gist I’m thinking of using is that Jamal is hanging out with a friend whose dad is a military researcher on a base in a made-up city. The genetic researcher father notes that Jamal is of exceptional build and could be a possible test subject for genetic experiments. Jamal agrees and has his DNA reconfigured, which gives him superpowers.
Jamal is an inner city kid growing up in the projects. At first, he uses his powers recklessly and ends up putting his mother into a coma. After realizing that he has amazing gifts for a reason, he decides to put them to good use.
That plot’s pretty workable, but Jamal feels like a chosen one. He gets made into a superhero because he was born with the right physique. It might be more dramatic if Jamal gets selected for the experimentation because he wins some sort of competitive process. That would probably give you a great opportunity to showcase his talents and shortcomings. (It would also probably also help you characterize the friend’s father, and maybe even the friend if he’s also in the running).
I also have some questions about the story’s mood. What are the readers of the story are meant to think about the research project? Should we regard the military experiments as a great opportunity for Jamal to “make it” (like Captain America) or a callous attempt to perform dangerous and unethical tests that would never be approved for soldiers? Or something else entirely? What does the military hope to get out of these experiments?
Thanks, Cadet Davis. I don’t know about the mood yet, but I don’t want it to be about the military making the perfect soldier, because I think that plot has used enough in comics, movies etc. I was brainstorming and thought that it could be a secretive branch of the military. An accident might happen and, since the military is testing on a number of people, all are altered genetically so they become metahumans or something.
Yeah, I think the ship has sailed on both the warm-and-fuzzy Captain America military experiments and the cold-and-sinister-military-project. If you write that the secretive branch of the military has an accident, that would probably work.
I like that the character isn’t military. I vaguely remember that the television adaptation of The Six Million Dollar Man failed miserably in part because it made Steve Austin from a civilian into an airman. Command hierarchies are excellent for many things, but they aren’t typically dramatic. (I think that the writers for police shows like to include ludicrous scenes where the protagonist mouths off to his boss to demonstrate that the hierarchy isn’t very rigid).
Ooh, also. Readers will probably give you a lot of leeway with military details, given that there’s a lot of material for a civilian author to attempt to take in. However, I would suggest against describing the secret military agency as a “branch of the military.” Could I suggest “office” or “agency” instead? (Typically, military branches are pretty enormous, like the Army and Navy).
Using mass genetic experiments for the hero’s origin story will make it easier for you to write in villains. In contrast, Superman’s stories suffer because the writers can’t easily create new villains and sometimes stretch to make a supervillain out of a character that would hardly count as a minor villain in any other series (like Lex Luthor). So I think that plays in your favor…
Thanks. Now I just need to write the story. You guys do beta-reviews, right?
I’m having trouble naming my hero and villain. Both are psychics. The synopsis for the story is that Paul Evans is a superhero that gave up in his prime to become a loner. When killings become more and more frequent, he sets out to determine who is responsible, only to find out that it is a person he trusts. It gets revealed that the villain, who the hero locked up before he quit, is mind-controlling him.
I have some generic suggestions, but I think that I could probably do better if I knew what kind of mood you have in mind for your story. Also, have you decided on an origin story for the character?
I am brainstorming some superhero names but can’t decide on one. My superhero is a psychic mutant that works as an assassin.
Hmm. Are you a fan of real-word names? If so, I’d recommend the anti-heroish Renegade or, if you’d like to be more direct, Hitman or Psycho.
If you’d like to use a name that isn’t a real word, you could use something that has a mental sound, like anything that starts with Ceph, Psy/Psi or Cer/Ser). If your character is an assassin, I’d recommend ending it with a hard sound. Maybe something like Cephite or Seros. Some other permutations include Cephil, Cerid and Serran.
If any of those are up your alley, I could probably offer similar suggestions.
Thanks, that helps a lot.
I’m writing a book and the main character’s full name is Alexander Leonhart Tafari, but his full name is rarely used. Most characters (with the exception of his parents) call him Alex. Your comments? I’m also considering having him go by the alias Wildfire.
Readers will be able to easily understand that Alex and Alexander are the same person. In contrast, nicknames like Chuck (Charles) and Jack (John) sometimes confuse readers. So I think that will work out nicely.
I’m not really sure what ethnicity Tafari is, but it sounds OK. I like Leonhart better. Are both names necessary? If possible, I’d recommend cutting out one or the other.
I like Wildfire. If for any reason you decide that Wildfire is not quite right, Blaze or Inferno might work, too.
I used three names because Alex is biracial. His last name is inherited from his father, a human. (His father has a specific lineage which is important to the plot.) His middle name comes from his mother’s side. She is elvish (again, her specific lineage becomes important to the plot.) As long as I mentioned elves (even though it’s irrelevant to this article), I read your article about how using Tolkeinien races can kill your book. In light of this, I have gone to great pains to differentiate my elves and dwarves from those found in LOTR. My elves, or Jianai as they prefer to be called, are one people, but exist in three nations with three independent rulers, who will meet together only when deciding something that will affect the entire race. Also, rather than Tolkienien “pale” elves, I have made my elves more cosmopolitan, and they have a variety of “shades” or skin colors as well as eyes, noses, hair etc. Also, rather than having them assume the stereotypical “elf attitude” they vary greatly in outlook depending on their background, especially which nation they come from. Elves are crucial to my plot, but I have tried to minimize their appearance as main characters so they don’t become cliche.
I have tried to differentiate my dwarves by basing them slightly on medieval/pre-Britain Scotland, rather than Norsemen. I make this clear by their speech, and their fierce loyalty both to their individual clans, or “kins” as they call them, and their High Chieftain. Also, I have decided to make my dwarves not so much gruff as talkative and argumentative (often in a friendly way). I also wanted to make them jolly (picture a mini-Santa, only not so much) Ironically, I have a she-dwarf who really does not say much except in the way of sarcasm. My dwarves also wear plaids to represent their lineage. Comments? I was searching for a way to make my Giants individual as well. Could you help me out?
(This all sounds like too much to cram into a book, and that’s absolutely true. I’m planning to develop a series, which is why the scope might seem a bit large. Especially when you consider that this is the tip of the iceberg.)
Maybe your book will be uncomfortably crammed. But I think your could comfortably handle three nations of elves and assorted dwarves, humans and giants. For example, the first Harry Potter book introduced us to four groups of Hogwarts wizards, developed the relationship between wizards and nonmagical humans and included a variety of goblins and half-giants and guard-dragons. Of course, Rowling also managed to craft impressive locations (like Hogwarts, Diagon Alley and Gringotts) as well as one of the more compelling fantasy plots of the last 50 years.
So I think the issue probably isn’t how much content you have, but how well you can pace it. Can you pace it slowly enough that readers can understand everything you introduce, but not so slowly that we get bored? I recommend that you try to introduce things as separately as possible. For example, instead of introducing all three types of elves at once, it would probably be easiest for readers if you introduced one and then moved on to the next only after we had a good grasp of the first.
Then it’s pretty easy to overcome the main remaining problem: readers might not be able to remember the first breed of elves when they’ve moved on to the second and third. You can help them keep the elves straight by giving evocative names for each breed. If one breed of elf were particularly belligerent, say, you might call them something like the Bloodbringers or an imaginary word that sounds harsh (Jaggen, Mylon, Pilth, etc.) I’d recommend using names that are rooted in English words (like Bloodbringers) because it’ll probably be easier for readers to keep track of the groups you’ll be throwing around. (That’s not an ironclad rule, though. Rowling successfully used many imaginary words like Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Griffindor, Hufflepuff, Hogwarts, Gringotts, Diagon Alley, Muggle, etc…)
I like the idea of your dwarves being jolly and argumentative rather than gruff. Jolly-and-argumentative sounds like a really interesting combination of character traits. As for your giants, I think the standard giant is violent-and-stupid. The easiest way to tweak that would be violent-and-philosophical. Or violent-and-urbane… aggressive-and-sensitive… pleasant-and-stupid (like hobbits but bigger)… friendly-but-oblivious… etc.
If I had to voice one concern with your book, it would probably be that your plot and world-building do not seem tightly wound together. I think Harry Potter does a great job of linking the two. For example, Diagon Alley is more than just a cool location: it advances the plot by introducing Harry (and the readers) to the magical realm. What is the relationship between the plot and, say, your three breeds of elves?
The Elf-Clans are important to the plot because they are part of Alex’s heritage, and so the way Alex interacts with Elves gives us glimpses into his personality and how others see him. They also introduce key plot points.
Examples:
1- Alex is dogged by elvish nobility triplets who dislike and persecute him because he’s only half-elvish, and therefore an insult to the race (they overlook the fact that his genetic variability technically makes him superior, even though Alex himself doesn’t know this). Throughout the plot, Alex has to deal with this, as well as the emotions that spring from it. Later it is revealed that Alex is actually successor to the throne of the same Elf-clan, which is ironic considering that they’ve been abusing their ruler, which makes it interesting. They aren’t pleased, but they don’t have a choice. Alex does rub it in for revenge of course, but after a while he gets bored with that, and tries to make friends of them.
2- Alex’s main love interest, Amorelia, is pure elvish. This creates a barrier because of the obviously high rejection potential (complicated by Alex’s emotional unsurety). Eventually, he finds out that she is also a princess, which makes her even more unatainable. They do become close friends over time, but he continues to struggle with his feelings for her.
3- Alex has to deal with a political conspiracy within his elf-clan that involves not only him, but also the “shadowy master villain” character, who is not quite as much a person as he is an elemental force. I’m still working on that.
4- purposes of comparison. once I’ve established the elves, I can use them in contrast with other races, or to describe the difficulty of a task. For example, a task that “a Zhudai elf warrior would shrink from” is going to be insanely difficult, because Zhudai are known for their fearlessness.
5- The reason for the creation of three elf-clans rather than one elf-state are related to the origin of the World and the conflict that has been raging since its beginning.
I’m trying to write a book. I have my characters and story plotted and ready to go, but I feel like my writing style is too fast paced. The characters escape from trouble too quickly and easily, I can’t think of any filler for scenes and other annoying things. There’s one scene where a character is in hospital waiting for her mother to arrive, but I don’t want to bore people by repeating why she’s there, or how she drinks a cup of coffee as she watches TV. It’s boring.
So I’ve taken a break and started fleshing out every detail of my five main characters by describing their bedrooms and habits etc. Will it actually help me, or am I being subconsciously lazy? I write down the colour of their bedroom walls even though it will not do a thing to aid my unskilled flow of events. How can I slow it down a bit without boring readers?
I have the characters in my mind and described in several worksheets I both found and made up. Though, for some reason, I cannot write about them the way I want to. There are lots of exciting parts, but I haven’t gotten up to them yet and I’m getting frustrated because I know I can’t write them until I have written up to them. I feel like I’m a kid in a sweet shop and I’m just one dollar short of buying a huge lollipop.
Then there’s the other problem I have with my choice of viewpoint. I don’t know whether first of third person is best, because the story switches regularly between two characters. I’m afraid it might annoy some people. It is also about a diary, and I’m not sure whether switching from third to first person for the diary entries would be best.
I know what I want but can’t get the right words out. It sucks because I’m normally very creative and even make up metaphors.
Sometimes I can look at things and rearrange the letters to make a new word that someone else might not see. For example, I was looking at a storage crate just this morning and realised that with an added C it was an anagram of escargot. I could read almost before I could walk, so what’s stopping me in my tracks when I try to write?
I’m not new to writing at all. I have written original stuff before; ever since I was ten. Why is it that I’m stuck now? Am I lazy?
So, you see how much trouble I’m in. I’m probably a pretty tough case, with all my problems. I would be so grateful if you could just answer one or two of my questions. I’m not necessarily inexperienced, but I’m young compared to other aspiring authors and I need a different perspective and opinion. Anything will help me.
Hello, Pretty Colors!
“I have my characters and story plotted and ready to go, but I feel like my writing style is too fast paced. The characters escape from trouble too quickly and easily…”
Don’t make it too easy on them! Here are a few ways you can make their struggles more intense and flesh out the story.
–Add complications. Your characters might solve one problem, but they end up causing or revealing another. For example, in the Ironman movie, when Tony Stark learns how to make his powersuit, that’s only the start of his journey, not the end. Building the suit and escaping from the terrorists brings him to an epiphany about the morality of selling weapons, which leads him to become a combatant in the Middle East, and finally propels him into conflict with the profiteering Iron-Monger.
–Add and toughen external obstacles. What sort of villains and antagonists are you working with? Perhaps the villains should be tougher.
–Maybe the heroes should be weaker than they are already. If the objective is freeing hostages from heavily armed terrorists, it would be pretty easy for Superman or Rambo to save the day. But it would be pretty slick for an unarmed police negotiator and downright heroic for a pacifistic priest. Frequently, the less direct path– in this case diplomacy rather than kick-down-the-door violence– is more dramatic and interesting.
–Differentiate your characters more and develop their relationships. With five characters, you could do your very own opera. In fact, the potential for developing the relationships between the five characters is so strong that it might even be overwhelming. If you feel like the challenge of developing five characters is daunting rather than exhilarating, you might want to consider getting rid of one. It sounds like your story is very ambitious.
Fleshing out the details by describing their bedrooms might be a good characterization exercise, but in the context of your story it’s likely filler. I like the idea of developing their habits more. For example, if one of your characters were deeply religious in an almost anachronistic way, you might have him do the sign of the cross whenever he hears anyone take the Lord’s name in vain. A ridiculously geeky mechanic might start fiddling around with electronic equipment whenever he sits down, even if he’s talking to someone. As long as the habits bring the characters to life and develop important character traits, they’re definitely useful.
Plotting your story might be easier if you regulate the level of urgency. For example, is there much urgency as a daughter waits for her mother at the hospital? If that’s all there is, probably not. Listening to a daughter idly muse that she wished her mother were nearby is probably not very interesting. But let’s add some details. The daughter is scheduled to have a dangerous (potentially fatal) operation today. Her mother has known this for weeks but still hasn’t shown up today for what might be their last conversation together. The daughter doesn’t know whether her mother is just late or still at work. Alternately, the mother might be SO overwhelmed by the prospects that this would be the last day her daughter is alive that she can’t bring herself to come because she doesn’t want to admit that.
In any case, let’s try to imagine a conversation between the daughter and the father about the mother’s absence, or a phone-conversation between the daughter and the mother about why the mother isn’t coming. Either one would be pretty intense and dramatic, I think, even if they didn’t devolve into shouting matches. (”I’m sorry, honey. I don’t think she’s coming…”).
“I don’t want to bore people by repeating why she’s there, or how she drinks a cup of coffee as she watches TV. It’s boring.” That’s an astute observation about pacing, I think. I’d recommend giving the characters more ambition, something to hunt for.
“There are lots of exciting parts, but I haven’t gotten up to them yet and I’m getting frustrated because I know I can’t write them until I have written up to them.” Let’s say scene A is where you are now and scene B is the really juicy scene at some point in the future. If you wrote a page or two describing what happens between scene A and scene B, fleshing out scene B might really help you jog your creative juices and get a better feel for where you’re taking your story. You can fill out the period between A and B later.
Personally, I’m a fan of third-person, particularly for beginning authors. It’s so tempting for first-person characters to slip into melodramatic exposition (“her rejection slammed me in the stomach”). However, it’s really a personal choice. Sometimes first-person is done really well. If you would really like to work the diary into a third-person story, I’d recommend showing us a scene where the character makes his entry rather than just reading the entry. That will help clear up the first-person issues and will give you a chance to show us their thought processes more. For example:
Sprawled out on his couch, the author jotted notes onto his legal pad. “I saw her face, and it was like nirvana. I finally understand women,” he wrote. The Bears-Packer game cut to an ad for Sex and the City. “Almost understand women,” he amended.
“I could read almost before I could walk, so what’s stopping me in my tracks when I try to write?” Perfectionism? Gifted readers often hold themselves to almost impossibly-high standards. The trick is getting something out that’s good enough. No one writes perfectly on the first go—write something that’s remotely decent and rewrite it into something worth reading later. When I write, I aim for a literal telling on the first write. No description. I try to weave the description in on later rewrites.
“Why is that I’m stuck now? Am I lazy?” I don’t know you, but the fact that you’re willing to look into writing resources like this website suggests that you’re ready to work at writing. If I could offer an armchair analysis, it’s possible that you’re afraid of failing to meet perfectionist standards. If that’s the case, I would recommend trying to loosen up a little bit. For example, take an hour and try to write a scene in your book. It doesn’t need to be great. It doesn’t even need to be good. The mere step of thinking about your book for an hour might help you figure something out about where you can take the book.
Good luck!
B. Mac
Thank you for your help! I was really freaking out over all this.
I’ve got to start doing some work on it today, because I have two full weeks off school for holidays. How many hours would you recommend I work for on my book each day? I want to make some progress on it without doing too little or too much.
Quoting from Brett…
“Alex is dogged by elvish nobility triplets who dislike and persecute him because he’s only half-elvish, and therefore an insult to the race (they overlook the fact that his genetic variability technically makes him superior, even though Alex himself doesn’t know this). Throughout the plot, Alex has to deal with this, as well as the emotions that spring from it. Later it is revealed that Alex is actually successor to the throne of the same Elf-clan, which is ironic considering that they’ve been abusing their ruler, which makes it interesting.”
I really like the born-into-discrimination angle. The idea that his human heritage adds something that they do not appreciate also has a lot of potential, I think. My main concern is that he appears to have born into a position of great power (the successor to the throne). That may make him a “Chosen One,” a problem that dogged Eragon.
Generally, readers sympathize more with characters that make their own luck. For example, maybe he rises to power among the elves through his own actions rather than some accident of birth and lineage. That would give you an interesting opportunity to develop how your elven society picks its leaders. You’d even have the option of pulling a Solomonic-twist ending: let’s say that he and one of the purebreds are the finalists in the leadership competition and it looks like a large portion of the elves would be completely unable to accept a partly-human leader (because humans are thought to be too selfish, arrogant, etc.) Alex reluctantly withdraws after concluding that staying in the competition would cause unnecessary strife. Then you could have the contest administrators (like King Solomon) decide that anyone who would come that close and withdraw for the good of the kingdom is obviously not too selfish or arrogant to rule. That still wouldn’t resolve the issue of the bitter hold-out elves, but I’d really like to see him win them over with his diplomatic and leadership skills.
As for the love angle, I like the idea of Alex as a suitor that isn’t completely confident and has to overcome a dating liability (being half-human). I think readers will relate that both of those details. However, it might help to flesh out the love interest character in a slightly different direction. Looking back to Eragon, I wrote a short article about why Eragon’s love-interest is not remotely as effective as Lois Lane…
Usually, fictional stories write love interests as cardboard characters designed to show that the protagonist has “arrived.” The love interest is usually a status symbol without any endearing traits. If the love interest is developed at all, it will be in terms of how desirable a status symbol she is: she’s really beautiful and super high-class! Enter Eragon, stage right.
The detail that she’s (secretly?) an elven princess gives me pause. One way you might try tweaking her background is by making her poor. The drama would come less from him trying to attain her than the couple trying to overcome the snickers and scorn of high-bred elves. To the purebreds, it would surely seem tremendously presumptuous for such a half-human to try to become their leader– he doesn’t even know enough about elven culture to court one of its finer specimens. (They might also insinuate that he went for a lower-class girl because he knew he wasn’t good enough for the princesses).
Pretty Colors, I’d recommend writing 2 or 3 pages a day. That’s probably somewhere between 60-120 minutes, which I think is very doable and productive. (It would take you 3-4 months to finish a manuscript at 3 pages a day– by comparison, we’ve been working on and off for 2+ years on ours). I have some other suggestions…
1) Don’t worry too much about how polished the writing is. It will probably be easier to fix details like grammar, punctuation and word-choice later because you’ll have a better sense of where you’re taking the story. If you know more about the trajectory of the plot, you will probably emphasize details that are more pertinent to the flow of the story.
2) The 2-3 pages you write each day don’t have to be continuous with the previous day’s pages, but try to keep as few arcs going as possible. It will probably be harder to work a collection of vignettes into the story than a few chapters.
3) If you’re stuck on the direction of the story, as a last resort you can post your chapters to the Critters Online Writing Workshop and then ask your readers/reviewers to help you brain-storm possible plot arcs. I’d say that’s a last resort because your piece will wait on a queue for 4-6 weeks* before you start to get reviews. It is however a highly useful resource if you’re prepared to use the 4-6 weeks productively while you’re waiting. Also, your piece will receive more reviews and comments if it is well-written, so you might find it worthwhile to spend some time polishing the work if it isn’t quite so good that you’d feel comfortable to (say) read it aloud in a writing class. But don’t second-guess yourself. If you’re ready to read it aloud, it’s good enough to submit.
*You can cut the 4-6 weeks to 1-2 weeks by winning a “Most Valuable Critter Award,” which requires you to do at least 10 critiques of 300+ words in one week.
4) Try to avoid distractions when you write.
Thank you, and your comments have spawned another idea. I believe I can successfully meld our ideas. I’m not sure it’s feasible to give up Alex’s royalty entirely, but consider this:
1. Alex is not the only one with a claim to the throne. Another eligible relative exists, but he is farther away on the family tree while Alex has a direct line of descent. In contrast, this other family member has pure blood and is greatly respected. Alex knows however that he will either become totally selfish and corrupt or become a puppet figurehead for corrupt politicians. Enter point two:
2. Valshion Markheris, said corrupt politician, is scheming to control the nation for himself. He served as Mirkaton (regent) when Alex’s grandfather died, and has no desire to relinquish power. He will even enter into league with the dark forces if neccessary.
3.Alex does not really want power for himself because he knows that he is power-hungry. He fears he will abuse his authority. He does however, want what is best for the elves, and knows for a fact that he IS the lesser of two evils.
Alex must struggle against all this (and maybe his first villain) in order to triumph and even when he does, he chooses not to stay and rule, but rather to return to his studies and he leaves the kingdom in the hands of someone he knows he can trust. Alex’s character is vindicated and there is no luck involved. (I may use your Solomonic angle. I kinda like it.) Also, this is decidedly different from the story of Aragorn, though it bears some of Tolkien’s influence.
As for Amorelia, suppose she rules threough a proxy (like Padme). That way, she can conceal herself as a commoner, revealing her true identity only to Alex and a few close friends. Also, I’ve bent over backwwards to give Amorelia interesting characteristics of her own besides being royal so she doesn’t become another Arya. I made a list for your evaluation:
somewhat spoiled (she even knows it, which is why she sometimes chooses to live as a commoner), honest, intelligent quick thinker, kind, has good social skills (unlike Alex), very opinionated (often opposite Alex), stubborn, compassionate, somewhat sarcastic, tries to change people rather than writing them off, does not enjoy combat and only kills in self-defense/defense of others, trusts people until given a reason not to trust them, fiercely loyal, wants whats best for her friends, she has many arguments with Alex (which both secretly enjoy), oh yeah and her power rivals and may even surpass Alex’s so impressing her with pure strength and force is NOT an option.
I try to make her as human and realistic as possible, unlike the stiff, yet noble Arya. For example: she actually has emotions, and therefore, friends. She also helps Alex with his social skills. (Well she tries anyway.)
I really like the idea of the succession struggle. Adding a competitor should ameliorate the Chosen One aspect by establishing that the throne is something Alex earns rather than passively receives.
It also gives you the chance to develop two villains, the more obvious puppet-master and the less obvious figurehead (the pureblood relative). I think the pureblood relative is the more interesting of the two because his motives are probably deeper. The puppetmaster can’t really have much motivation beyond his own self-interest, but the pureblood might think that his succession would represent a great boon to the elvish kingdom as a whole. Readers probably wouldn’t sympathize very much with this, but he’d probably reason that the human’s accession would jeopardize his clan’s cultural heritage and honor. (If you were to go down this path, developing his clan’s honor would make him more interesting and sympathetic).
I think your characters look pretty good, but they don’t seem to have many genuine flaws (ie something that readers and you would find distasteful given their situations). For example, “Alex does not really want power for himself because he knows that he is power-hungry.” How power-hungry is he if he doesn’t want power for himself? It would be quite interesting if he were genuinely power-hungry, but that doesn’t seem to be consistent with the actions you’ve laid out for him. I think a more plausible flaw would be that he is frosty or even contemptuous to elves, given that they don’t seem to be very keen on him or humans in general.
As for Amorelia, it’s not clear that her flaws are really flaws. For example, she’s very opinionated and sarcastic, but is she sarcastic in a spunky way or an obnoxious way?
She’s somewhat spoiled, but she’s so aware of herself that she chooses to live as a commoner. Then how spoiled is she?
I would recommend making her sarcasm acrid and snarky, which would probably be consistent with someone who is spoiled and extremely elite in both skills and upbringing. If anything, I think her main flaw might be that it’s virtually impossible for her to relate to anyone because she’s so elite (in skills and rank). She’s probably not inherently nasty, but she has such freakishly high standards that it’s virtually impossible for anyone– friends, family, boyfriends– to meet them. One way in which that relationship might manifest itself is that, if they were ever in school together, she might spend the better part of the year savagely mocking his work and then suddenly offers crucial help on the final project. When he thanks her for that unexpected act of kindness, she might say something that is simultaneously nasty and friendly, like “I just couldn’t bear to see you fail so badly again.”
Thanks! What i meant by the power-hungry thing is that Alex almost burned his brother when he learned of his powers. The worse part was that he enjoyed it. He hated himself afterwards, but he still enjoyed it. He doesn’t like that side of him and doesn’t want to see it again. It’s like avoiding a desert buffet because you know you’ll eat too much. However, I do see that this needs developing, and won’t make it definitive until I have all the kinks out. I will however, adopt this new flaw, as well as think of some new ones for Amorelia. I think I will make her a bit more sarcastic and attitudinal. Her real life model behaves like that anyway. (and she also made up the word attitudinal, or so I believe.)
Hmm. I think that’s an interesting angle, that he simultaneously enjoyed and regretted burning his brother. It feels very believable.
Good luck with Amorelia as well. I would recommend being careful about using a real-life person (particularly a friend or family member) as a model for a character, though. It might create social obstacles (if you fear that the person will think you’ve portrayed them unfavorably). More likely, it may impede you from developing the character in the direction that the story calls for, particularly when it comes to giving the character flaws.
I definitely don’t want my story to be set on a single planet. I want the heroes to be like vagrant heroes going from planet to planet to help fight the Cyborn Moon, the main villain. I know it has a lot of sci-fi sounding aspects, but I didn’t want it to have a very sci-fi feel. My three main characters are
Mz. Corpse, Emerald, and the artist. What do you think of my plot?
Well, since we’re talking about the logistics of your projects, my story in a nutshell is this. Aadrello Tegee, a poor and gifted young artist, stumbles upon a mystic, empty book full of blank pages. He instantly thinks “awesome– new sketchbook” and draws in it. He gets freaked out when his drawings begin to come to life.
The Cyborn Moon, a factory the size of a small planet that drains planets of their resources and destroys them, then comes and begins to drain and obliterate his home planet. Using his new powers, he escapes from his planet and is stranded on a nearby planet.
After getting rescued, he meets Irabella Grey (Mz. Corpse), who likes Aadrello despite being extremely depressed. She makes it clear he’s completely oblivious. The two pair up and go to the royal planet to complain about the Cyborn Moon, because this planet has a strong intergalactic army. They meet the rebel prince, Jornai Emera (Emerald), who is running away. He explains that he is also upset about the Cyborn Moon but his family refuses to do anything. I plan to add a large epic “first trio” battle before they leave the planet in Jornai’s ship.
That’s going to be the beginning. There will be more to it but those are the basics of my first few chapters. What do you think?
That plot seems very functional. The main weakness I can see– and this doesn’t seem major– is that the discovery of the sketchbook and the arrival of the Cyborn Moon don’t seem related. You may be able to draw the plot together by having the Cyborn Moon target the world because it’s looking for this sketchbook.
Also, as a minor formatting note, if you write a synopsis for a publisher, it’s typical to use the present-tense. Again, that’s not a huge deal. I doubt publishers will reject an otherwise attractive synopsis because of that, but a synopsis will seem more attractive if it’s in present-tense.
When you say present-tense, do you mean the time frame we’re in now? Or do you mean that I should explain it like I’m telling what’s going on in my futuristic setting as though it were happening right now?
The second one. In your synopsis, you’d describe the plot as a series of events in the present tense, even if the story takes place in the future. For example: Novelist B. MAC,* a struggling MFA candidate, signs on with the mob to get into Iowa. Shortly afterwards, the mob realizes that there is actually no money in publishing and decides to tie up its loose ends by killing him. After an explosive chase-scene, B. Mac saves the day and gets the girl and whatever. (It’s the 105% true story of my life!)
*Capitalize the character’s name the first time you use it in a synopsis.
I understand
I understand completely where you’re coming from; I realize that I do have a tendency to try too hard in retrospective. Now I do realize that my names that I come up with are a little etchy so I will work on that. Conversely, I’d like to keep the two names Aadrello and Jornai for other reasons. In addition, I’ll work with my mechanical issues. Don’t think I’m lying when I say I’m a good writer! Currently I’m working on character design and costumes, I have a pretty good idea of what I want each of them to look like:
Aadrello (Sketch-I thought that would be a good name to show his artistic prowess and it sounds youthful like the character) He is a thin kid, lanky and energetic with purple-skin. Now visualize this with me, his costume is a black full-body suit with orange and white trim, he also wears beige cargo shorts (over his body suit) cinched just below the knees to express him nature to stand out.
Irabella (Mz.Corpse). She is tall, pale, well developed, and beautiful (looks most like a human) with long or short blood red hair (varying according to her powers). I think crimson and black would be great colors for her but as for the costume itself, it would definitely need an emo feel but still be sexy maybe horizontal stripes or a corset.
Jornai (Emerald). He is lean and muscular, shorter than the other two, regal and upright despite his rebelliousness, and has a tannish, orangish color. I’m not sure what his costume would look like, but it would definitely need green in it… possibly light armor with green cloth hanging out, like a scarf or sash.
What do you think?
I love the name Sketch. Purple skin would definitely be unusual, but it worked for Mewtwo. However, I don’t think that the orange trim and beige would complement the purple. I think the colors that would go best with purple are black, white, blue and possibly red trim. If the purple is dark, you may be able to slip in yellow as well– it worked pretty well for Static Shock. The New Orleans Saints use purple/gold and that looks pretty clean.
I’m not too familiar with emo clothing, let alone how you might adapt emo clothing into something that feels like a superhero would wear it. However, if you’re just looking to use emo clothes straight-up, with little “epic” adaptation, maybe something like this shirt would work, just with crimson-and-black stripes. Alternatively, you could take a black shirt and add a crimson logo (perhaps her superhero emblem?) or add a black logo to a crimson shirt.
I’d recommend making Jornai’s skin more tan than orange. As for the build of his armor, if you’re looking for something with a fantasy feel, you might try this or this or this. Green’s pretty easy to complement. If you wanted a sash, I’d recommend gold, navy blue or black. If it were a scarf, it would be complementing his tan/orange skin as well as the green, so I’d probably recommend just black.
Good luck.
Thanks, I’ve got a really good idea of Jornai’s armor now.
Also, I can probably come up with a new color scheme for Aadrello’s costume.
Oops, sorry for my grammar in that last reply I wasn’t paying attention.
Originally, I had a continent named Makeris with two smaller countries. Should I merge the countries or keep them separate?
Hello, Brett. I responded to your comment here.
–B. M.
The giants are unsurpassed in their love of questions, riddles, and above all, answers. They have keen minds and can unravel even the greatest of puzzles. Though they are fierce, their savagery is tempered with intelligence, civility, and an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Books are worth more to a giant than gold, and you are more likely to bribe him with information than with money. Giants have some skill in mathematics, astronomy, and other sciences, but their true passion is philosophy. Their knowledge often grants them access to unseen worlds and forces that even the elves cannot decipher.
I like it. It’s very unexpected.
Hehe, those giants sound a bit like me! Except for the mathematics part.
Thanks.
It looks like your giants immersed a reader even before you actually used them in the story. Well done!
I’m a giant compared to others my age. Most people I know are about two inches shorter than me. Haha! Tell those giants that I want to join them!
That’s how one of my alien races were going to be muscular, hostile-in-appearance yet intelligent and well-versed. The leader of the IPO (Intergalactic Protection Organization) in my story was going to be this race of alien. His name is Carim Bloquette.
Damn you Brett, beating me to the punch, but honestly your story sounds quite cool.
I’m quite flattered.
I’m working on a character with super speed but can’t think of an original name, have any ideas?
What kind of mood and style are you looking for?
What do you mean?
What kind of tone? Serious, comedic, 30’s pulp fictiony, sci-fi, fantasy, realistic, fantastic?
I would recommend Bolt, but after the Olympics, that may not be safe. Try something like Haste, Dart, Headstrong, Slapdash, Impetus, or Momentum. If you don’t want his name to be a pun, you could use words that just sound fast, like Slash, Strike, Knifehand, or Spitfire. A prety cool/funny name for your character would be 25, because that’s how many seconds you have before he catches you.
If you’re going for an outright Flash parody (like the Incredibles) I’d try for The Brash.
For an example, I named my superfast character Sprint. It’s a pun but it doesn’t feel like one. You could take this name seriously.
Some examples of moods are serious, whimsical, gritty, cheerful, bleak and nostalgic. The mood is the atmosphere(s) that you want to evoke with your name.
As for style, this would include genre (futuristic sci-fi vs. present real-world vs. medieval fantasy) and the types of name that you like the best. If you give a few examples of superhero names that you’ve found really impressive, that will help.
By the way, Brett, I love Sprint.
Thanks
Asking for my friend Steven (he has VERY limited internet access), he has a character named Fizzicle Ed. Obviously this is a pun. Ed is not a superhero, and does not have powers. He’s just built his body to the point where it’s ridiculous. Your thoughts on the name? I told him it was funny, but its a tad on the corny side. Is there a name that will imply his sheer bulk while also implying his ethnicity (black)?
Steven also thinks that the main villain of his story can be a “nice guy”. He says “nice guy” villains are a Japanese thing. I don’t get it. your thoughts?
I’m kind of blanking on names that imply blackness, partially because they’re sort of rare for the black heroes I’m familiar with (like Static Shock, Steel, Storm, John Stewart/Green Lantern).
Maybe Hood, Street, Detroit, or Hoodlum. I think those would imply a tough physical demeanor and blackness (in a mostly politically incorrect way, I feel). I don’t like those names as much as something generic like Rampage, Brick, Tank, Trainwreck or Turbine.
As for “Fizzicle Ed.” The pun on “Physical Ed” is probably too cheesy for most audiences. Is he writing this as an over-the-top jab at superhero stories?
As for nice guy villains… what do you mean? If you mean a villain that’s mostly honorable, I think that could work. For example, in His Majesty’s Dragon, Napoleon has trapped a German army at an important city. Instead of taking them all prisoner, he says that the men of the army are free to leave as long as they surrender their weapons first. Napoleon does so because the Germans are already running desperately low on arms and food. By letting the German troops go, he forces the German military to come up with some way to feed and rearm them– in contrast, if he had taken them prisoner, he would have had to feed them himself.
On the other hand, a villain that’s simply a misguided hero probably won’t be someone we love to hate. Effective villains typically have at least some element of the sinister. Darth Vader choked Admiral Tarkin, for example.
By “nice guy”, I man he doesn’t strike you as evil. He strikes you as “Oh, he’s a cool guy, why is the hero being such a jerk?” and then all of a sudden, “Where the he** did that surge of evilness come from?”
He said he’s writing this story in the vein of “Afro Samurai”.
Some questions of my own:
1. My genius, Tony Martin, may be codenamed Agent Q or Agent Enigma. Which is better? (Knights have codenames so they won’t be targeted for assassination. This is most common among human Knights.)
2. Would codenames be appropriate for my nonhuman Knights? Amorelia for example. Most of the time these guys will be in an atmosphere where their identity is not threatened. They would only use codenames on missions. (Ex. “I am the embodiment of terror and vengeance. You will soon learn to fear the name Surefire.”)
3. Would it be okay if Alex’s royal rival was Amorelia’s boyfriend from earlier? Or would that be too contrived? I thought it might provide a personal motive for him to align with the corrupt politician.
A villain that comes off more sympathetic than the hero? Unless the main character is actually the villain, that story sounds like a bomb that could blow up at any moment. (Unless, maybe, it turns out that the villain was a red herring and the real obstacle was something impersonal like cultural misunderstanding or distrust). In any case, I could see the story being improved in any of three different ways.
1) Make the villain the main character (for example, this was partially done by Soon I Will Be Invincible). He could be an antihero or just a normal guy boxed into an absolutely horrible predicament.
2) Make the villain more genuinely evil and less likable.
3) Dragonheart it. The hero (knight) and the “villain” (dragon) realize early on that they share a greater enemy. By the end, the knight and the dragon may come to realize that they never had to fight each other in the first place, but that’s a little bit cliche. The easiest way to subvert it would be to have the more heroic of the two (the knight) sacrifice himself to save the dragon as a way of confirming to the audience that he has come to understand that the dragon was never evil to begin with.
Ooh, a “surge of evilness” is a problem. It’ll probably feel like the character isn’t very well fleshed-out (ie Suresh from Heroes).
I love Enigma. In fact, you’d know the style of your book better than I would, but if it feels like a medieval setting, I’d recommend going with just “Enigma” rather than Agent Enigma. My impression is that “agent” feels like a more modern title.
OK, so your nonhumans won’t have their identities threatened most of the time. Even so, they may take on a code-name for other reasons. (Some examples: They want to fit with a partially human team; they want a name that humans can pronounce easily; they want something more epic and stylish; for magical reasons, giving away their true name is dangerous; they don’t want to get fan-mail or adoring mobs, so they want to protect their given names as a way of protecting their privacy).
Analogously, one of our characters uses Agent Orange as his name because the humans on his team use fake names to protect their secret identities and he wouldn’t feel like a member of the team unless he did, too. (He’s a mutant alligator). He attempts to take on a secret identity, too, but is very surly to discover that not even glasses can protect a mutant alligator’s secret identity.
I think it would be OK if Alex’s royal rival was Amorelia’s ex. That would probably integrate her into the succession plot in an interesting way by giving her a perspective into the competitor’s character. However, it may seem strange that Amorelia goes from one heir of the kingdom to the other. She may think that Alex is flirting with her as a way to get back at the competitor. Alternately, she may be flirting with Alex as a way to get back at the competitor.
Genius.
You can tell that I’ve been a part of WAY too many dysfunctional relationships, haha.
lol
Okay, I’m new and I want to throw some names out there from my comic that I’m making. There are some of them, most of these names are Japanese.
The name of my comic is “Chaos.” It is my first comic.
Zaan-Main character
Tamikito A.K.A Steele
Geiko
Geiana
Great White- Shark person
Dr. Kaos-Main Villian
I’m working with Ragged Boy, but we are doing two different stories.
Ah, good luck.
Chaos is a great name for a character. I think it’d be OK for the series, but I’m not sure. Traditionally, a series will be named after either the main hero or main group of heroes. (For example: The Amazing Spiderman, SHIELD, etc.) Who or what is chaos referring to?
I’m not at all familiar with your marketing plans for this book, but I’d venture to say that the names would be very Japanese for a Western market. If you’re Japanese and want to sell in Japan, that’s entirely fine, but otherwise I would recommend tweaking the characters so that they look a bit more familiar. (For example, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a series heavily infused with Japanese culture, named the turtles after Italian Renaissance painters).
For example, Zaan could be Zan. It’s still a highly unusual name, but it avoids the awkward ‘aa’ sound. As for some of the other names, I’m not quite feeling a strong emotional vibe off them. For example, Dr. Kaos doesn’t have quite the same emotional strength and rhythm as, say, Dr. Octopus or Dr. Strangelove or Dr. Zhivago or Professor Moriarty.
Great White makes sense for the shark-guy but could probably be more rhythmic. What do you think about Tiger or Hammerhead?
Two of your characters start with ‘Gei.’ As a rule of thumb, I wouldn’t recommend giving two characters names that start with the same letter unless they are both really minor. (That will help your readers keep them apart).
Can anyone help me? I need two names, a heavenly one and a devilish one.
For the devilish one, I recommend something that starts with a really strange, unpleasant letter… let’s say X or Q. For example, Xeno, Xalbador, Xanthus, Qaad, Quarrel, Qaiser, Jasper, etc.
For the angelic name, I recommend something that starts with S or A. Serra (or variations like Serran, Serros, etc.) Alabaster, Avon, Anoles, etc.
I’ve just made a few characters for a new idea a friend and I were working on. (If you want to hear about the story, I’ll post it soon, but it’s not really complete yet).
The first character is Deon Porter, a young African-American high school student about 16. He has the ability to heal himself, superspeed, and he can control fire. Using these powers makes him more vulnerable in battle. Healing himself causes his body to become more fragile. With each time he heals himself, his body takes damage more easily. When he uses superspeed, he gets fatigued. His fire powers will burn him and cause his body to get progressively more burnt. The healing ability will take care of that after the fight, though. The fire elemental abilities are risky both for himself and bystanders. Once Deon goes into his super mode he calls himself “Flare Dasher”
The second character is Antwon Kellman, a young American attending high school also around 16. His abilies are supersenses, the ability to see into the future, and animal-morphing. He can only use his supersenses for so long. When he uses his power to look into the future, it makes his eyesight worse until he becomes blind. When he does the animal morphing ability it puts a large strain on him.His body can only take that so long and pushing himself past his limit will cause him to become like the animal he last was in his regular appearance. He calls himself Sensation.
That’s all I have now. I’ll put the rest on later.
Those sound pretty good. I have a few minor suggestions… I’d recommend spelling their names Deion and Antoine rather than Deon and Antwon– I think those two are slightly more conventional spellings. Additionally, it may help if you tweak their powers so that they have an overarching theme.
I think Sensation’s powers are a bit random. Supersenses and seeing the future go together smoothly, but animal-morphing sticks out quite a lot. I think that’s a problem because morphing will probably be his main combat ability. It’s also a good deal more exotic than the other two. (It’s usually more OK for generic powers like healing to fit in less, but an exotic power should probably fit in with the hero’s theme). One way you could fix this is by removing the ability to see the future and just having him go as an animal morpher. Then you could explain his supersenses really smoothly as an offshoot of his morphing ability (for supersight, he uses the eyes of an eagle, or the hearing of an owl, or the taste of a shark/snake, etc.)
Flare Dasher’s powers were a bit more coherent. Superspeed and fire-control sort of, kind of go together (superspeed should create sparks/heat and he controls fire), but I think it would help if you made the connections a bit more explicit. For example, you could change his name to something like Jet or Afterburn (jet engines are powerful and feature fire prominently). It’s also a play on words because jet is a synonym for “black.” As for the healing, that’s not too much of a problem because it’s just a minor ability and one that makes sense for evolutionary reasons. If your body were exposed to fire a lot, you’d need something to keep your body from melting away.
I like Sensation’s supername quite a lot. Flare Dasher seems a little bit more flamboyant and maybe not as effective. I’d recommend going with Afterburner, Jet, or Nitro. I think those are a somewhat more sober combination of speed and fire.
Also, if you’d like to post a rough outline of your story so far, I can offer feedback on what you have so far. It’s OK if you haven’t fully developed it quite yet. When I’m workshopping, I frequently introduce ideas that are still evolving.
There were three young boys in the 11th grade who attended Terry Parker high school.The school is really old and it’s been up sense 1969(who would want to go to a school that old).Well these three boys were really close they hung out alot and stayed after school for activites(the normal things that teenagers do).Well it was one of the boys 17th birthday and it was a day that would change all three of their lives.The three boys were out at night sitting looking at the stars and the 17 year old made a wish.He wish that he could help people that were in danger there was so much crime in the city that he lived in that there was hardly ever any peace.After he made the wish a commet flew pass the boys and and landed on their schools football field.They rushed over to see what it was,and when they got there they seen the commet and when they got there it was the size of a car tire.They all touched it at the same time,but soon as they did a shockwave sent them flying towards some bleachers.When they got up they didnt fell normal they all had been given their own super powers that matched their personalities.After they known what they’ve had they couldn’t let anyone else find out about it or,the whole world would be walking around with super powers.They took the comment and hid it in the schools basement so no one would ever find it(who would do into the basement of a school that’s been up sense 1969,not even the janitors wouldn’t go down there.)
So they thought it was safe.
One day a student at the same high school as the three boys(who also hates two of the boys) tryed to do something with a girl in the school basement.While he was down there he saw the commet and walked upon it.He touched it and a shockwave threw him agaisnt the one of the storage tanks.The girl ran out and went straight to class(if she would have said something to someone about being in the basement she would have got in trouble for skipping).When he got up he had super powers and he thought he was the only one he said he’d keep it to him self,and that gave birth to the boys arch enemy.
I haven’t made a name for it yet and if body could help me with a name that would be awesome ,but for the moment I think people should tell me if it’s good.
Flare Blade, I don’t understand. Isn’t this the same question you posted on our Plot Structures page? I already responded to it here.
I just give my characters names I like, or pick a random one from a naming website. I also used the link to Seventh Sanctum for one or two. None of their names really reflect their personalities, but if any do it was unintentional.
In my book, the main villain (who is so powerful and evil that he rarely appears in person) has three names right now. His true name is Malevolon. I am considering changing it to: Malevon, Malivoth, Mordex, Mordivax, Mordivath, or something similar because I think Malevolon sounds cheesy. Your thoughts?
He is also often referred to as the Neitshaden and the Dark Phoenix. I am considering scrapping the name Neitshaden because it doesnt do anything except give the characters another spooky name to speak in hushed tones. That, and be hard to pronounce. It flouts all of my pronounciation rules for Elvish, Dwarvish, Giantish, and beyond. Do you think it’s worth keeping? Can it be salvaged?
(and yes, Neitshaden is based on the word nightshade)
Does your website despise me? If it were a person, I’d say it is being surly right now. Post my comment please! Darn these oversensitive filters!
In my book, the main villain (who is so powerful and evil that he rarely appears in person) has three names right now. His true name is Malevolon. I am considering changing it to: Malevon, Malivoth, Mordex, Mordivax, Mordivath, or something similar because I think Malevolon sounds cheesy. Your thoughts?
The word in question that was setting off the spam filter was “pronounce,” which has the string “pron,” which is one leet-speak way to say porn. However, I can see that the word “pronounce” is clearly something useful to our commenters, so I’ve disabled the pron block. Also, I unblocked cock to allow the innocuous cocky and the absolutely delightful shuttlecock (in case anyone wants to discuss awesome sports).
I am very ill now, but I’ll try to answer your questions as well as I can .
1: Generally, I would recommend trying to avoid giving a character more than two names. For example, we can easily remember that Clark Kent and Superman are the same person, and very few readers messed up Voldemort and Tom Riddle, but a third name would probably cause confusion. But that’s just a suggestion. JK Rowling used Voldemort interchangeably with “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,” but each name served a distinct purpose. Voldemort was what he called himself, so it reflected his self-image. HWMNBN was what the wizards called him, which reflected how much he scared the wizards. If you’d like to use more than two names, please have a distinct purpose for all of them.
2: I know “Mal” and letters like x and v typically sound sinister. However, like you mentioned, a name like Malevolon may feel a bit cheesy. Could I recommend something a bit more subtle and unconventional like Solon, Nagel/Nagle or Jick/Juke?
3: Neitshaden is OK, but what would you think about just making it Nightshade? That sounds like something the character would call himself. Then you might want to give him a name that the other characters would call him. That should suggest something unique about how they see him. HWMNBN was a name that was designed to show that the wizards saw him as horribly frightening, but you could shape it in any number of ways. For example, t’d be easy enough to make a name that suggested that they think of Neitshaden as cowardly, sinister, craven, evil, savage, treacherous, stupid, barbaric, a puppet, etc. There are so many ways to hate someone.
Do you think an unconventional name will work for someone this purely evil? I envision his true form looking something like this pic: http://art1.server05.sheezyart.com/image/10/108378.jpg
With dragon underlings: http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c327/superslim/EvilDragon.gif
(Disclaimer: I did not draw these, although I am almost as awesome.)
Your thoughts? The lesser name could be his humanoid name perhaps?
Also, for his six sinister serpentine servants (alliteration hehe!) What do you think of “The Spiteful Six”?
Or now that I think about it, the Serpentine Six? Or would that be too obvious of a dragon reference?
I might lower that number to five.
The Spiteful Six might sound a bit cheesy. It sounds a lot like a supervillain group from a few generations ago. (Like the Sinister Six). What would you think about not giving his coterie of dragons a name? (Or he could just refer to them as his dragons without giving the group a real name).
Ok, I think I’ve straightened it out. Later in the story, the Dark Phoenix will free his five greatest and most evil servants from their imprisonment: The Formidable Five. Five evil dragons who fought with him during his rebellious last stand against the Powers Above. They are:
Apollyon The Destroyer -
Most powerful, chief dragon. He is the strongest of all the other dragons, and has a humanoid form. He possesses a unique ability: the deadly “Mortal Shriek” that can pierce even the strongest of defenses. Also known as “The White Dragon”.
Asmodeus The Deceiver –
A silver wind dragon who also takes the form of a serpent. Prefers subtlety, trickery, and deception to brute force. He loves strife and discord and lives by the motto “divide and conquer”. Has the power of suggestion and invisibility, making him an excellent spy. Apollyon’s lieutenant. Also known as “Silvertoungue”.
Tartarus The Deathbringer –
A dark red fire dragon with a hot temper. Has the power to disassemble inanimate objects, deal damage with his long tail tipped with razor-sharp stinging spines, and fire bursts of “netherflame” energy that destroy all in their path and can slightly weaken a phoenix. He loves chaos and destruction. He has two heads, but one mind.
Sheol The Ensnarer –
A bronze-colored cave dragon that traps her prey before she kills it and takes delight in the pain of others. She has the ability to cause paralysis with a touch, petrify lesser enemies, and use special venom that can cause individuals to experience their own pain and anguish plus that which they have caused others intensified until they brake and submit to her will.
Abaddon the Devourer- a mysterious blue storm dragon. He is empowered by rage, fear, doubt, and other base emotions. He has the ability to control tempests and storms, manipulate emotions, cause hallucinations, and rob lesser individuals of their power, using it to increase his own. He is most powerful at night.
There is also a much weaker dragon servant who appears in the first book, but is killed off fairly early:
Derivesham the Coward- weakest dragon- grey-green or cyan colored scales, not sure right now. He has no special powers, just a basic dragon. He is called Coward because he ran from the battle, abandoning his brothers, master, and cause, disappearing to uncharted lands.
Note that the most powerful evil dragon is not the cliched black. In fact, his scales are of a pure white color. Irony!
Your thoughts?
Since you say the Spiteful Six is too cheesy, I will assume that Formidable Five is also cheesy. How about just The Formidables? Or perhaps another threatening noun. Could you help me out here?
The Ravagers perhaps?
The Black Dragos comes to my mind
I like the Ravagers.
I’ve always thought that white had so much villainous potential. Between tuberculosis, cauliflower and psychiatric wards, it’s ripe for creepiness. As for introducing five named dragons as mini-villains, I think that may bloat the cast. Readers may also have trouble telling the dragons apart.
They won’t appear until much later, So don’t worry. By that time, the villains I’m writing now will have disappeared. No two threats will ever compete for dominance in the story at once. Do you think that giving the dragons drastically different personalities and styles will make them easier to tell apart? I’ve gone part of the way by giving them different colors and abilities. If I draw on those for personality traits, could they be easier to differentiate?
Ex:
Apollyon The Destroyer- The Shadow’s Darth Vader. He’s the enforcer, leader of the Ravagers, and the only one who can don a humanoid form.
Asmodeus the Deciever- A shadowy background manipulator type. Think of a loyal, competent Starscream with a twist of Satan.
Tartarus the Deathbringer- impulsive, brash, agressive, perhaps slightly whiny a la Christian Haydensen’s Anakin Skywalker.
Sheol the Ensnarer- femme fatale. Like catwoman, only consistently evil and distinctly non-human. I may consider having her flirt with the others, particularly Apollyon.
Abaddon the Devourer- cryptic and enigmatic. He will rarely speak except to say something creepy. Think of a Batman/Dracula/Dr. Doom with dragon sorcery powers.
As for Derivesham, he appears early and is killed off quickly, so he probably won’t be as well developed as his brethren. At least not through dialogue. I may have the other dragons refer to him as “annoying”, or “cowardly” or “good riddance he’s dead.” That would drive home how incompetent he was while also showing that the dragons are so evil and callous that they don’t care if one of their own dies.
Your thoughts?
Well, the colors are an extremely useful way to differentiate characters in a comic book or other visual medium, but you’re writing a novel, right? Visuals probably won’t prove so useful for differentiating novel characters because it’s easy to forget character appearances when you can’t actually see the characters.
For example, I really liked the book His Majesty’s Dragon, but I’ve forgotten pretty much everything the author has used to describe Temeraire’s appearance. The only thing I remember is that he’s enormous (after all, he carries a crew of 30+). I’m not the only one having trouble remembering his visual details. For example, check out these illustrations of him: this, this, this, and this. The artists didn’t even agree whether he looked like a Chinese dragon or a Westernized dragon (his egg came from China).
What weakness would you give to a character that can change his body into a diamond form? He has powers like superstrength, durability, and the ability to make himself invisible by morphing his body and bending light.
Hi, John. I imagine he’d be very heavy, particularly when diamondized. He might also be clumsy. He’d probably have trouble fighting in an area with poor footing, like a mountainside or a rooftop. I also imagine he’d be too dense to swim well.
If he has a secret identity, I would recommend having his powers alter his body in some way that makes it harder for him to have a secret identity. For example, perhaps he weighs 300 or 400 pounds because his body retains special substances to facilitate his transformation.
If you’re planning to write your story as a novel, I’d recommend swapping the invisibility for something else. Invisibility is a cool ability, and I think you have a neat mechanism for it, but it really works best in a visual medium like a comic book or TV show.
And the personality differences, B. Mac?
Hi, Brett. I like the leader and the shadowy manipulator. I think those characters are “sticky” enough that we will remember them. As for the impulsive/brash/aggressive/whiny one, the only one of those traits that I think will make him seem really different from the other characters is the whininess. Her modus operandi seems to be seduction, which is neat. However, I fear she will overlap considerably with the manipulator.
The cryptic one concerns me the most. Crypticness may be a problematic trait, given that a character is cryptic based on what he doesn’t do (explain himself, usually). Crypticness will probably be really hard to use as a defining trait. When you have several characters vying for the reader’s attention, a cryptic character will probably lose out. Almost by definition, this character won’t be in the spotlight often, so he’s probably going to get lost in a scene that has several other characters in it.
My guess is that you could merge Sheol and the brash dragon by giving Sheol brashness for flair. If the sorcerous dragon’s magic is really important to the arc of the story, you could give her that as well. That would free you to eliminate two of the dragons if you so desired. That would give you more time with each of these characters, which seems useful because they’re mostly enjoyable characters.
Also, Diamondhead from Ben 10 was vulnerable to sound waves, which could shatter him, so your hero could be vulnerable to strong sonic and concussive attacks.
I think I want to keep Abaddon, but I’ll try to make him a bit more interesting, perhaps giving him a conflict with one of the other dragons. I think that I will give him Tartarus’s temper as well, and maybe make him a pessimist? Could you suggest other personality traits that that might fit his overall motif?
However, I will take your advice and merge Tartarus’s stronger aspects into Sheol, for 2 reasons:
1. A “cave dragon” is a pointless concept. All dragons live in caves at some point, and techinically, in my univers, if it lives almost exclusively in a cave, it’s not a dragon, it’s a gargoyle. Dragons are supposed to ravage and conquer, you cant do that if you’re always hiding in a cave.
2. Tartarus and Sheol were weaker characters than the others, both in powers and personality. I think I’ll give Tartarus’s flames to Sheol, and give her venom to Abaddon. This and a few changes should help differentiate her from Asmodeus.
Your thoughts?
I think I’ll also give her Tartarus’s title of Deathbringer because Ensnarer is a little weak and synonomous with “Deciever”. Also, “Deathbringer” is very uncharacteristically female. Unless you think “Ensnarer” is a better fit?
Here’s how it looks now:
Sheol the Deathbringer –
a bronze fire dragon that prefers to trap her prey before she kills it and takes delight in the pain of others. She can cause paralysis with a touch, petrify lesser enemies, disassemble inanimate objects, and fire bursts of “netherflame” energy that destroy all in their path and can slightly weaken a phoenix. She is also a seductress, and is quite used to getting her way. (May share an on/off relationship with her plausible mate Asmodeus, from whom she learns the finer points of deception.)
Abaddon the Devourer –
a mysterious blue storm dragon. He is ill-tempered and unpredictable, being empowered by rage, fear, doubt, and other base emotions. He has the ability to control tempests and storms, manipulate emotions, cause hallucinations, and use special venom that can cause individuals to experience their own pain and anguish plus that which they have caused others intensified until they brake and submit to his will. He is most powerful at night.
Also, would it be worth making Abaddon female and renaming him “Kraken”? Or is one female dragon enough? (of course if I did make my blue dragon female, it might look too much like a sapphira parody. “What do you think I am, a talking pack animal?!” lol)
Your thoughts B. Mac?
“What do you think I am, a talking pack animal?” That’d be pretty hilarious.
Erm, what with the mergers and renamings, I think I’m having trouble following everything that’s happened. Could you give me the name/synopsis for all the dragons at this point? Thanks.
For my diamond character any suggestions on a name?
I know this is irevelant to this section, but I want to start really planning and writing my story out now. How should I go about doing this? Seeing as I want to do a comic I’m not sure if I should write it in the comic format you showed me or write it as a book and then transfer it over into the format later. Or should I just hold out and plan more? Is there anything about my story you are unclear with?
Yo, John
I’m not good with names but these are just suggestions for Mr.Diamond, trash them if you want.
Adamant or Adamantine
Crystal
Sheet
Solid (my favorite)
Oh, and Vigor (I like that one too)
Something that sounds resolute and immovable. Maybe Solidus or Stonehead. If you want to put emphasis on his powers, perhaps Roughcut or Hardstone.
Oh, wait. scratch stonehead, too close to diamondhead from ben 10. oops!
Oh yeah I didn’t think of making them in name form haha
Ok.
Apollyon the Destroyer is the most powerful, chief dragon. He has a humanoid form. He possesses a unique ability, a deadly “Mortal Shriek.” He’s also known as “The White Dragon”.
Asmodeus the Deceiver is a silver wind dragon who also takes the form of a serpent. He prefers subtlety, trickery and deception to brute force. He loves strife and discord and lives by the motto “divide and conquer”. He has the powers of suggestion and invisibility, making him an excellent spy. He’s Apollyon’s lieutenant. He’s also known as “Silvertongue”.
Sheol the Deathbringer is a sadistic fire dragon. She can paralyze by touch, disassemble inanimate objects, and cause fire bursts of highly destructive “netherflame” energy. She is also a seductress, and is quite used to getting her way. [Note: She may share an on/off relationship with her plausible mate Asmodeus, from whom she learns the finer points of deception.]
Abaddon/Krakken the Devourer is a mysterious blue storm dragon. S/He is ill-tempered and unpredictable, being empowered by rage, fear, doubt, and other base emotions. S/He has the ability to control tempests and storms, manipulate emotions, cause hallucinations, and use special venom that can cause individuals to experience their own pain and anguish plus that which they have caused others intensified until they brake and submit to his/her will. S/He is most powerful at night. [I think I want to keep Abaddon, but I’ll try to make him a bit more interesting, perhaps giving him a conflict with one of the other dragons. I think that I will give him a short temper as well, and maybe make him a pessimist? Could you suggest other personality traits that that might fit his overall motif?
Also, would it be worth making Abaddon female and renaming him “Kraken”? Or is one female dragon enough?]
Derivesham will be dead by the end of the 1st book.
That’s how it now stands.
Btw, comments like this are just a ploy to keep this page (and my more important comments above) popping up on your recent comments widget so you wont forget it. Please don’t think I’m pestering you. Also, I have read all sample chapters you posted, and loved them for the most part. The best was definitely Stockbroker to the Slaughter. Some of the others could get a bit awkward and confusing sometimes. I’ll reread them to pinpoint how. Excellent work. Once I finish my first volume, could I trouble you for a beta-review?
OK, I have a few thoughts. It looks like you have four characters here (five if you count Derivesham, but he seems pretty minor). Each of these characters has three addresses: a name (like Apollyon), a title (The Destroyer) and an appellation (like the White Dragon or Silvertongue). If these characters are really important, I would recommend giving them at most two names. If they aren’t really important, just one.
If you’re not sure whether each dragon deserves one or two, I’d suggest leaning towards one. Typically a second name is a confusing element that’s justified only if it ad