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The Washington Post described a meeting between two Congressmen, Jim Moran (D-Va.) and John Porter (R-Nev.), and the Iraqi national security advisor.

the three were trying to discuss the state of Iraqi security forces with [the NSA], but the large, flat-panel television set facing the official proved to be a distraction. [The NSA] was watching children’s cartoons.

When Moran asked him to turn it off, [he] protested with a laugh and said, “But this is my favorite television show,” Moran recalled.

Porter confirmed the incident, although he tried to paint the scene in the best light, noting that at least they had electricity.

It would be easy to criticize the NSA for prioritizing cartoons over two Congressmen. All things considered, it was probably a shrewd assessment. At least cartoons end.

That must be horribly awkward for both Congressmen. The Democrat has to act multilateral with an ally that obviously isn’t interested; the Republican has to make it look like supporting Maliki’s government advances US interests.

To commemorate this fine moment of US-Iraqi relations, I’ve slapped something together.

Anyone who reads comic books knows that weird stuff happens in New York. A lot. A spaceship randomly crashes into Earth? Central Park or maybe the Brooklyn Bridge. A rampaging lizard is born in a nuclear test site? Why wouldn’t he come to New York? One guy left alive on Earth? Probably a New Yorker.

It should not surprise us that Iraq’s WMDs have been found… in New York.

The live-action release G.I. Joe, tentatively scheduled for 2009, is ret-conning G.I. Joe to take out, uhh, the American part. The GI Joe unit will be an international peacekeeping outfit.

That makes sense. I mean, who would want to watch an action movie about a special forces unit that was rough around the edges? Hollywood has its finger on the pulse here. What we were begging for was a special forces unit that has to go through six layers of bureaucratic red tape to curtly ask the Cobra Command terrorists international arms dealers to lay off. Hopefully the UN will allow GI Joe to carry weapons. Most peacekeepers don’t.

Especially perverse is G.I. Joe’s new acronym, the “Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity.”

It’s fairly clear that the studio is trying to pay for a major release by hedging on international ticket sales. But there seems to be a disconnect there. Why would you buy the rights to G.I. Joe if you were skittish about selling an explicitly American product to international audiences?

Hell, roughly 10% a third of my audience is non-American. Admittedly, a small blog on the edge of nowhere isn’t the best analogy to a movie that will probably have a nine digit budget (in US dollars, of course!) But let’s ignore that detail for a moment. ;-) My story is so explicitly about the American experience that it’s called Superhero Nation.  I think the concepts of superheroes and villains are pretty uniquely American.  That all hinges on the freedom of individuals to achieve their destiny, for better or worse.  Plus, pretty much all globally significant superheroes are Americans, anyway.

(No, Wolverine doesn’t count as a Canadian: most of his scenes and authors are American.  This seems to correlate with the New-York-centered-universes that dominate most comic books.  Even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live there.  I love Tin-Tin, Captain Canuck, and the Silver Samurai as much as anyone, but they aren’t really significant.

This article will cover how to write novel titles that sell and when/how to name your chapters.

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Inquiring minds want to know:

• Supervillain prisons. Why have them?
• How does Superman keep getting movie deals?
• Why don’t Superman’s movie deals stipulate the presence of a supervillain?
• Lex Luthor: brilliant mastermind or government plant? His most brilliant schemes endanger fewer people than a fully loaded Yugo. And he gets pardoned WAY too often to be coincidental.
• Who is Captain America working for? He couldn’t cover the security deposit on that cavernous NYC apartment with an Army paycheck.
• WWII time-travel. Aren’t any WWII time-travelers gunning for Hitler? Would assassinating Hitler doom the Allies by letting someone sane lead German forces? (Hitler: Allied plant?)
• Time travel. “Dr. Demented escaped into the time-space continuum. He could be anywhere.” “No problem. I’ll start at 1939, you start at 1945 and we’ll catch him somewhere in the middle.”
• Supervillains have attempted to influence WWII at least eight different times in the past fifty years. Presumably, supervillains will keep trying. Wouldn’t superheroes from our present cross paths with superheroes from our future that are pursuing their own supervillains in WWII?
• “I’ll put a shock to yo’ system.” Start with the ears, please.
• The Hulk: why does he still get published?
• Invisible Woman: dumbest Ph. D. ever?
• Beast. Reptile. Catastrophe. Donatello. Aren’t there any animals/monstrosities that are less intelligent than the Invisible Woman? Why do said animals wear more clothes than the Invisible Woman? (Well, except Donatello. He covers about as much skin).

• Lois Lane: “How many F’s are there in catastrophe?”
  Catastrophe: “How exactly did you win a Pulitzer?”
  

• Static Shock’s sidekick, the whitey gadgeteer (AKA Gear, AKA Whitey, AKA Chunky McGee). What, a black person can’t be smart enough to use gadgets?
• What is the fascination with supervillains (and sometimes heroes) running for president?
• Did Savage Dragon run for VP because he realized how useless he was?
• How could Lex Luthor POSSIBLY win the presidency? Voters regularly write candidates off because they’re Mormon, divorced or inexperienced. But, you know…a supervillain… I guess I could give him another chance…
• What was the reasoning behind making an Ant-Man movie?
• Dr. Hank Pym, Ant-Man, Shrinking Violet. Why haven’t they learned that intelligent people don’t shrink themselves? That’s why supervillains build shrink rays.
• How do Agent Orange’s sunglasses stay on?

Agent Orange: “Because they know what’s good for them.”

• What the &^%* is going on in NYC? Judging from comic books, at least 90% of the world’s supernatural events happen there, including regular influxes of tan New Yorkers from alternate dimensions where NYC is devoid of black people (the Friends Effect).

Evan writes:

I’m not buying chapter three. An alien couldn’t disguise himself as a human just by wearing a human uniform. Mask or not, his head still wouldn’t look human.

Can you be completely sure that the Airman below isn’t actually an Airalien? If he covered his neck with a trenchcoat, it’d be nearly foolproof. Except for the jokes from smartass jarheads, of course. *winks*

Picture thanks to http://militarymotivator.blogspot.com/ .

UPDATE:

Darkwing Duck may have grazed the shocking truth before I got there. Is Scrooge MacDuck’s accountant part of the conspiracy?

I received some bad news and good news. Unfortunately, something came up at home that will delay the next chapter. The good news is that “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” is holding contestant auditions near me. I think I could win $50,000 if I were scared enough to “walk away.” Hell. Who would watch “Who Wants to be a $50,000aire”?

As an additional perk, my next chapter will be ready by the end of August.  To pique your interest, here are some details… Lash and Jacob cross paths. Lash discovers why dollar bills really have eyeballs. The Manhattan Mangler is introduced. A city is devoured by chemically altered snacks.

Hah. None of those things happen in chapter 4, except Lash and Jacob crossing paths. The Manhattan Mangler… sheesh. Wait for chapter 5.