Dec 30 2007

List of Superpowers

761 responses so far

761 Responses to “List of Superpowers”

1. # KooLon 01 Apr 2008 at 7:53 am

   Thanks! Can you add more unique superhero abilities that are not common to other heroes? I’m making my own superhero story, but I have no idea what abilities to give my superhero. I need a unique power for my main character. Your website has helped helped me a lot with some of my other characters. Thanks a lot!

2. # B. Macon 01 Apr 2008 at 10:50 am

   One way which you could try altering these powers is changing their scope in some crazy way. For example, in Read or Die!, the main character has telekinesis that applies only to paper. I mean, if you take a generic power and only allow the superhero to use it on some random category of material, that could probably create a fresh-feeling character.

3. # B. Macon 02 Apr 2008 at 4:33 pm

   Also, a few of the characters in Superhero Nation have a few government-themed powers, like being able to telepathically operate government vehicles. (The in-story explanation is filled with jargon and not particularly important). Out of story, I like that parameter because it feels fresh and makes the character about as powerful as everyone else (impressive but stoppable). It’s a problem when characters aren’t on the same power level because the villains that can challenge a strong hero would roll over a weak hero. If one hero is much more powerful than another (Superman vs. Batman), you can usually only have them work together by being inconsistent. For example, in the final episode of Justice League, Batman goes hand-to-hand with Darkseid and somehow survives, even though Darkseid is about as tough as Superman.

4. # Chulanceon 03 Apr 2008 at 4:20 pm

   I’m writing a novel about a superhero. Is he overpowered like Superman? His main power is elasticity, making him extraordinary even though he’s human. He gained his powers by swallowing a piece of radioactive gum at a college party. He has been taking martial arts since he was 5 years old and has increased strength because his muscles stretch out. He can lift parts of ships, a truck, but NOT planets or skyscrapers. How can elasticity increase speed? Should his powers have limits? What can I use for his weakness? Also, he needs transformations. What could I use with his powers?

5. # B. Macon 04 Apr 2008 at 12:42 pm

   Hello, Chulance.

   “I’m making a book about a super hero– is he overpowered like superman? his main power is elasticity…”

   That’s probably not over-powered. I imagine you’d be able to write some dramatic stories for him that aren’t as silly as pushing a planet out of orbit. Most importantly, I think that you’d probably be able to make an interesting and dramatic fight between him and regular (non-super) criminals.
   
   “He gained his powers by swallowing a piece of radioactive gum at a college party.” I like that origin story.
   
   “How can elasticity increase speed?” He could roll himself into a wheel or pogo-jump himself. I think that either of those would make him pretty fast, particularly if he’s in a hilly city like San Francisco or Washington, DC. Alternatively, if you want to be a little bit more ridiculous, you could try something like making him into a hang-glider or paper airplane (it worked in Paper Mario). There are enough high places (like buildings) in pretty much any city to make that work. Also, most cities will get enough warm air rising off the sun-heated pavement to create thermals that a hang-glider would be able to take advantage of. (Warm air rises, which would enable him to glide longer than he could otherwise).
   
   “Also, he needs transformations. What could I use with his said powers?”
   
   Quick question. When I use the word “transformation,” I’m usually referring to a species-change. So, if your guy is human, he’s probably not transformed. He may be an altered human, like Spiderman. If that’s the case, you have a lot of potential origin stories at your disposal. Mutations, genetic engineering, nanotech, radiation/cosmic rays and cybernetics will be easily understood by most audiences. I have a bit more of an explanation on one of my other comments… see my comment here.
   
   If you’re up for a more scientifically ambitious story, you could try something with quantum mechanics, singularities, or some other distinctly futuristic technology.
   
   The origin stories I’ve listed above are all science-fiction. Alternatively, you might want your story (for whatever reason) to be more of a fantasy. Then you could try magic, artifacts, divine intervention, etc.

6. # Necroon 02 Jul 2008 at 9:20 am

   What do you think about a villain that has the power from the movie Jumper but can only jump through shadows?

7. # Armondon 19 Aug 2008 at 9:49 pm

   Ok. I’m writing a character that has been genetically engineered by a government research program. I’m just having trouble coming up with some powers.

8. # Rebeccaon 13 Sep 2008 at 7:08 am

   Does anyone have any idea ideas on unique weaknesses? I’ve been thinking about making it more of an allergy like she could grow weaker if she eats say…….. peanut butter or my unfortunate allergy watermelon.

9. # Jacobon 13 Sep 2008 at 5:22 pm

   Oof, unique weaknesses. They’re hard to pull off. Let’s say your hero is weak to peanut butter. How would your supervillain find that out? How would your supervillain make use of that? The only solution I can think of is contrivance: your hero just happens to eat peanut butter once and get really sick and then the supervillain finds out somehow.
   
   I’d recommend trying a unique weakness that is caused by one of his strengths. For example, if he has supervision, he might be vulnerable to intense light. If he has superhearing, intense sound might overwhelm him. Two aspects that I like about these are that 1) a supervillain might successfully guess that someone with extraordinary hearing would be vulnerable to loud sounds and 2) these could easily come up as your hero is trying to protect his secret identity. This would give him some obstacles to overcome. Also, a third advantage (over something rare like kryptonite) is that a low-grade villain could more easily use light or sound than kryptonite.

10. # Anonymouson 01 Oct 2008 at 5:12 am

    My character has a mental blast type ability, and I have chosen a few weaknesses to go with it. If he uses his ability once or twice, he suffers no effects. However, if he uses it many times/builds up a big blast/uses it for a prolonged period, he gets these in this order: dehydration, dizziness, migraines, exhaustion, aching joints and if he really overdoes it, he could pass out. If he gets to the stage where his joints ache, he will wake up the following morning feeling sick to his stomach and so be unable (or at least reluctant) to go out and kick bad-guy butt.
    
    Could you offer an opinion on his weaknesses? Are there any alternatives to them that would be better, or might be more mental than physical? I can’t really have him going insane because of his pyscho-blasts, but I need something which would hurt or make him grumpy.
    
    Also, I asked about a title on “Your Title is Bad, But You Can Fix It (Part 7)”. Is there some word which would be a good alternative to “origins”? I have a question about costume, too, but I’ll ask that on “9 Easy-to-Fix Problems with Superhero Design”.
    
    Thanks!

11. # Jacobon 01 Oct 2008 at 7:43 am

    So it sounds like you have a fatigue parameter– the limit on his powers is how much energy he has. I think that’s interesting, especially if you have a fight where he’s mostly out of juice and has to improvise.
    
    As for mental weaknesses, you’re right that it’s typically not viable to have the main hero go crazy (like the Hulk or Nikki). You could try something like amnesia– when he overuses his powers, his brain tries to make room by deleting memories. Depending on what mood you’d like to build, you could make the memory-deletion either temporary or permanent. Just don’t let the story lean too much towards emo angst (“life’s so hard for me, boohoohoo”).
    
    If you go with the amnesia angle, I’d recommend trying to focus on him trying to live his life despite sometimes forgetting important details (“what time was my date with Mary?” or “Who is Mary?”). For added drama, you might consider how amnesia would affect his ability to keep his alternate-identity secret. I think friends and family would ask a lot of questions if someone who had been young and healthy started to exhibit serious memory-lapses.
    
    Another approach you could try is how much concentration is required for him to use his powers. I imagine that one of his weaknesses would be that he’d have to concentrate greatly to use his powers. That would be a weakness because he might start “missing” with his powers, or having accidents if he was too distracted by, say, the stress of combat, lack of sleep, stressful incidents that had happened recently, loud noises, etc. I’d recommend seeing this article on unique weaknesses for superheroes.
    
    Yours.
    
    J.M.

12. # Ragged Boyon 01 Oct 2008 at 3:50 pm

    I had an idea for a villain that I thought would be awesome.
    He is a serial killer that had only ever loved one woman, and discovered on the night of their honeymoon that she was having sex with another man. As soon as he died, he was met by the Exchanger of Souls who made him a deal that in exchange for continuing to kill people that he would receive the ability to possess people along with other abilities. The villain agreed.
    
    He became The Possessor and possessed his cheating wife, forcing her to kill her secret lover and now he is a villain, possessing his wife and using her to kill. He can alter her appearance, have her fire black bolts, have her seduce men into traps, and gives her increased speed and inability to feel pain but her body does later die and he continues to possess her dead body
    
    I think he’s a cool villain. What do you think?

13. # Ragged Boyon 01 Oct 2008 at 4:00 pm

    I made up a trio of heros that periodically help my main heroes in my comic. They are called Trioz. They consist of Dazan, Lori and Huggo.
    

    Dazan can manipulate gravity and can teleport short distances.
    
    Lori fires spores that explode either instantly or latently. She’s also a skilled fighter.
    
    Huggo can manipulate many kinds of waves and change wave attributes to attack and disable his opponents. He mostly uses disruptor waves to create a vorpal sword.
    
    What do you think?

14. # Jacobon 01 Oct 2008 at 4:07 pm

    A wife cheating on her husband on the night of their honeymoon? I think it sounds a little bit contrived. It may help to flesh out their relationship a bit more and show how her dissatisfaction with him leads to her seeking other lovers.

15. # Anonymouson 01 Oct 2008 at 9:33 pm

    Oh, another thing to do with my hero’s powers. His blast ability wouldn’t have the desired effect if he was in a small room with reinforced walls and ceiling which had no windows. He could improvise to bust down the door, but if the room is quite little, the blast would bounce back and hurt him. He also has to learn to fine tune his power to minimize or maximize the radius of the blast. How could I use this in an interesting way, and how could I show his powers developing over time? Thanks.

16. # B. Macon 01 Oct 2008 at 11:34 pm

    So the issue seems to be that his attack isn’t really precise and tends to bounce around a bit, right? If that’s the case, then it probably wouldn’t lend itself well to situations where you really need to be right on. For example, if a criminal has a gun to a hostage’s head, using his power directly against the criminal would probably endanger the hostage.
    
    If using his powers directly won’t work, he can try a different approach. For example, psi-blasting the floor would probably cause the criminal and hostage to fall down without getting injured. The hostage would probably use the distraction to get away, and then it would just be the hero against the criminal.
    
    Alternately, you might want to just say that there’s no way for him to use his power against the hostage-taker without jeopardizing the hostage. Then he’d have to improvise without using his powers. That’d be interesting, too… maybe more interesting, because he’d have to think through the problem in a more protracted way and deal with it in a more human way.
    
    You could show his powers developing over time because his powers gradually get slightly more precise. For example, a completely inexperienced psychic might spread so much psychic damage around that he ends up breaking windows and furniture wherever he fights. As he gets more experienced, I imagine that his powers would become more precise and the amount of collateral damage to scenery will go down. (Also, you might consider what the city thinks of him. If he causes a lot of damage, they’ll be afraid to be near him, but as he gets more precise, they’ll probably get more comfortable with him).
    
    He might also try to aim his powers more directly as his powers get better. For example, as a beginner he might try unsuccessfully to aim his psi-blast at a doorframe. As he gets better, he might try aiming specifically at the door’s hinges, which are a small target but much easier to blow off. It’s kind of similar to shooting a door down with a pistol. You might be able to shoot the door off by shooting the hinges, but you definitely won’t succeed by just shooting the frame.
    
    One way in which I would recommend not having his power grow too much is the blast radius or force. Those would probably lead the character to get overpowered.

17. # Anonymouson 02 Oct 2008 at 5:33 am

    Okay, thanks! What should be his maximum range and radius then, so that he’s not too strong? I was thinking that it should fade out as it goes farther, and so be a bit ineffective for long distances or wide ranges. But he does use the same power to fly, by firing behind and below himself fast enough to stay off the ground. If used for too long, he will suffer the ill effects of exhaustion as I mentioned above. Also, another weakness of his is that if he can’t breathe properly (like if he was underwater for some reason) he wouldn’t be able to use his power either. So he’d get less oxygen to his brain and be unable to concentrate.

18. # B. Macon 03 Oct 2008 at 4:20 pm

    I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand what you mean when you say “I just agree with them (imaginary friends)”.
    
    I appreciate that you want to create a fuller universe. That’s certainly a worthwhile goal. However, there’s a fine line between a name that sounds alien and a name that doesn’t quite work. This is what Jacob wrote down for Common Mistake #15.
    
    “Please do not give aliens “exotic” names like Qwe’rty-Uiop. Strange strings of letters are more likely to feel goofy than exotic. A better way to create exotic-sounding alien names is by taking familiar sounds and then stringing them together. For example, Brad and Darian are familiar to your readers, and together they make Bradarian. If that’s not alien enough, you could cut off a few letters to make Bradar.”
    
    Particularly with Huggo and Trioz, I feel that the names are distracting.

19. # Ragged Boyon 04 Oct 2008 at 8:34 am

    Oh, I understand now, I’ve been planning this story out for some time now and I needed a professional opinion. I agree with your comments about the names I’ve come up with. They are a little extravagant, but I need to keep Aadrello and Jornai. I love those names too much to give them up. I will work on my punctuational as well as grammatical skills. I’m currently coming up with character design and costumes right now.
    
    First, I thought the name “Sketch” would be a good name for my main character’s alter ego, it shows his artistic prowess while sounding somewhat youthful like the character. I was thinking of a costume that I thought would be cool, try to visualize this, a skin-tight black full-body suit, with orange and white trim and beige cargo shorts, sinched just below the knees to make his look his own.
    
    Next, “Mz.Corpse” I was thinking Crimson and Black as the colors but as for the design I’m stumped, I want it to be sexy but not outrageous, something that Irabella would wear so it would probably be a little emo.
    
    Finally, “Emerald’s” costume would have to have green, obviously. Since he is a prince and he still honors his family’s name, despite separating himself from them, something along the lines of a suit of light armor with green pieces of cloth hanging from it, such as a scarf or sash and his sword with an emerald-embedded hilt.
    
    What do you think?
    (I took the time to check my grammar. [EDITOR: I noticed. It's gotten considerably better!]

20. # B. Macon 05 Oct 2008 at 8:02 pm

    I’ve never published a comic. My guess is that it’s very different than writing novels. But the first step– writing a pitch (or a query) to the publisher– seems fairly similar. For example, let’s say that you were interested in publishing your comic book with an independent outlet like Image Comics. According to its Submissions Page, Image says that you should write a proposal that contains the following information. (With some paraphrasing).
    
    1) A typewritten cover letter with your contact information. Introduce yourself and any publishing experience you have.
    
    2) A single page synopsis of the overall story. “We do not want a single-issue synopsis– we want a synopsis of the ENTIRE series or story arc.” Avoid posing plot-points as questions. Since you’re writing this to the publisher, rather than the audience, you shouldn’t try to leave them hanging. Tell them what happens. “You can tell us whether you see it as a full color or a black and white book, a mini or on-going series, a Prestige book or an Original Graphic Novel. There are times, however, when we may have a better idea what might fly so don’t get married to any one format but we’d like to know what you have in mind. Tell us what sets it apart from other comics and who the target audience is (‘Everyone’ is NOT realistic — there’s no single book on the market today that everybody buys).
    
    3) “Send photocopies of fully INKED and LETTERED pages (any size). DO NOT SEND ORIGINAL ART! We’d like to see AT LEAST five pages that are fully inked and lettered. If you have MORE than five finished pages, swell! Bring ‘em on! Five is the MINIMUM we want to see, not a maximum. We want to READ it. If the lettering sucks we may suggest a different letterer for the final comic book. The important thing here is that we can SEE that you know what you’re doing, that you understand where to place copy and how to tell a story.”
    
    4) “Color is OPTIONAL. If you have a colorist and can provide color pages, great! This means you CAN send in colored pages, but you do not have to. (Although, if you want a color book, it would be advisable). We DO reserve the right to approve colorists as a poor one can ruin a decent book.”
    
    5) “Include a cover mock-up — this lets us know whether or not you understand the market and gives us a good barometer on your design sense. A good logo can be EASILY read from across the room. We DO make people change their logos OFTEN. Don’t be fancy or artistic — be CLEAR. You can send character sketches and or bios, but not in lieu of storytelling pages — we still need to see five finished pages of sequential storytelling, lettered and inked. DO NOT send script pages — DO NOT send unlettered pages accompanied by a script and expect us to follow along.”

21. # Ragged Boyon 06 Oct 2008 at 3:35 pm

    You guys rock. I know I’m a good drawer, but I’m not ready to draw for a comic book yet. That probably won’t be for a long time, based on the complexity and level of skill I’ve seen in most comics, although an issue of Teen Titans was drawn in a style sort of similar to mine. Anyhow, I’ll need to get my story together now because I do want to make comics and be a cartoonist, if i don’t become famous in modeling and acting.

    Thanks. I’ll be back if I need any help (it’ll be soon– aha).

22. # J.Ron 11 Oct 2008 at 9:23 am

    What’s a good weakness for someone with super speed?

23. # B. Macon 11 Oct 2008 at 9:36 am

    Superfast heroes rely on good footing and would probably need a lot of space to do things like turns. (For a real-life analogy, drivers take turns slowly). The villain could take advantage of that by building his lair so that there’s relatively little room for someone to dodge bullets and lasers. He could also make the floor slippery, so that the hero will lose his footing.
    
    If you’d like to get more technical, speedy heroes would create a tremendous amount of friction when they ran. Friction creates heat with the ground. The villain might slick the floor with flammable oil so that the hero would set himself or bystanders on fire if he moved too quickly. If your villain is very technically savvy, he could play around with gravity. It’s extremely difficult to move around in a no-gravity environment and a high-gravity environment would also be very tricky.
    
    Finally, you could look at what the hero is actually able to do when he’s superfast. For example, what he could he do against someone in a suit of armor? Probably not that much. If he tries punching the armor, he’s more likely to injure himself than his enemy. Generally, a superfast hero is only powerful when the enemy has exposed vulnerabilities. The villain should try to remove any vulnerabilities he has, probably with armor or something similar. Then the hero has to improvise, which could be interesting and dramatic.

24. # Mistro the super heroon 06 Nov 2008 at 3:47 pm

    I’m writing a story about a superhero that can fly. He is superstrong, superfast and can shoot lightning from his body. He and his brother got his powers from a crashed meteor. What are some weaknesses I could use for him?

25. # B. Macon 06 Nov 2008 at 5:42 pm

    If he can shoot lightning from his body, it seems kind of plausible that water would cause his body to short.

26. # Anonymouson 10 Nov 2008 at 4:52 pm

    A weakness for your superhero could be if some guys holding a piece of the meteor that gave your superhero the powers, the powers that your superhero got from the meteor would leave him and go to the guy that was holding the meteor.

27. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 19 Nov 2008 at 2:46 am

    There’s something about Spiderman that annoys me. He’s all “with great power comes great responsibility”, but whenever someone directly threatens his family, he doesn’t care! In Spidey 3 when he’s battling the Sandman and thinks he’s killed him, since when does that become acceptable? I mean, it’s a human life, isn’t it? And he just kills him! Also, straight after he sees his Uncle Ben die, he goes after the man who he thinks has shot him and scares him so much that he falls out a window. He doesn’t even seem bothered by it later!

28. # Ragged Boyon 20 Nov 2008 at 2:34 pm

    As soon as Adrian made it far enough, he would be infused with an aquatic alien’s DNA, giving him an aquatic form, control over water, and in his aquatic form he can create ample amounts of water from his lungs and pores. He can also breath underwater and swim excellently in his aquatic form. In additon, he can sense clean water and humidity in the air. His body can also filter salt water into clean water. I’m still wish-washy over giving him advanced powers like liquifaction and aquaportation. Up until getting genetically altered, he uses technology to have control over water, upon getting him new DNA he is forced to give up the tech.
    
    Weaknesses:
    When in human form, he can only control water when properly hydrated and even then he can’t control vast amounts or perform very skillful acts with it. At first, he has poor control over transformation, often partially changing when inconvenient or not being able to change when needed. He often sweats profusely (like me) and/or his body leaks. He can only control particularly clean freshwater and salt water. It is difficult for his body to produce water, so he often looks for external sources. His powers are also greatly affected by the Moon, strongest during Full Moon time including daytime, no powers during New Moon, his powers are pretty constant on the in-between phases.
    
    Of course, I’ll have to rework his origin story, but that will be relatively simple to do.
    
    Suggestions? Opinions?

29. # B. Macon 20 Nov 2008 at 2:35 pm

    Liquifaction (the ability to turn into a liquid) sounds workable, although it kind of depends on what sort of villains you have in mind. If his villains could hit him when he was watery, that’d probably be fine. If it’s essentially a get out of danger free card, I think it would be undramatic. Likewise, I recommend against “aquaportation.”
    
    Being affected by the moon is a nifty idea (kind of like tides how are affected by the moon?) but it may be hard for readers to remember which phase of the moon corresponds to which effect. Also, it might be hard for remembers to determine/remember which phase of the moon the story is in. I suspect that Adrian will frequently narrate details like “Oh no! Not the New Moon again!” However, I love that his powers don’t work during the New Moon. Time to improvise!

30. # Bretton 20 Nov 2008 at 3:44 pm

    I suggest you watch Avatar. If you have watched Avatar, watch it again. Pay close attention to the waterbenders. Also, I’m glad you settled on a definitive story. Once you have everything set up, I look forward to an Alex vs. Adrian type-as-you-go rpg battle. (haha, they both have “a” names.) You powers setup looks pretty solid. However, I would reccommend a side-affect to them being genetically altered (Scientifically speaking, there should be consequences. Stylistically speaking, it’s a good idea. Practically speaking, your hero needs a weakness). Also, ringtails aren’t associated with water, so I’d reccommend another animal. A good idea would be an Osprey. It’s powerful, water-associated, and yet not totally useless outside of water like, say, a dolphin or killer whale. Good luck!

31. # Silason 20 Nov 2008 at 7:02 pm

    For my story, I want my characters who have powers to get drained by them. IE, the stronger powers is like the equivalent of running a mile, the lessers are like a short sprint. That keeps even the stronger characters in a check as not being ultimate.
    
    Now, I read in other articles that “immortality” is looked down upon. Well, in my story there are is a parallel world next to ours. In that world, there are 2 races of superbeings (well, super to humans anyways). They can only be killed in one way, but I’m still thinking on ideas of what way that should be, so any ideas would be nice. They do age at a slower pace than humans, but age nonetheless in their world. One of the races was banished from the world and live in the human world in hiding. They then stopped aging on our plane.
    
    I want their main weakness to be the one way they can get killed. But, I do want them to be able to be weakened in battle by using their powers so they can’t always rely on them. Thanks for the input!

32. # Ragged Boyon 20 Nov 2008 at 7:21 pm

    Ok, a fatigue parameter is usually an effective weakness, so that’s good. My main concern, is that the two races of superbeings seem like Homo-Superiors, which could be problematic later on. To balance this you should probably change an aspect of the two races to be more humanly relatable.
    
    As for a main weakness for your races, I would recommend something that doesn’t completely cripple your character i.e. Kryptonite is to Superman as water is to fire. Maybe, their powers work on a time and/or fatigue basis, if they overuse their powers or use them for too long they become powerless mortals temporarily, making them vunerable. I’m guessing this is more of a sci-fi story, but I’m not sure, maybe some form of technology is their weakness. Conversely, if this is a fantasy story maybe a certain type of magic is their weakness.
    
    I may be able to help you more if you elaborate on the discrepancies between the races.

33. # Silason 20 Nov 2008 at 8:10 pm

    Okay, well. One race is called the Pyrians, tentatively for now. They are a spartan-like race. Predominately war bound people. As a whole, they’re an unlikeable race and that’s the way I want it. There are a few characters who play major roles but aren’t like the other Pyrians. The king is the main “villain” in my story. He is set on dominating Earth so that he can stop aging. He’s very vain, not to mention he’s power hungry and wants to be the ultimate power. (If he stops aging, he can be king forever).
    

    The “wanderers” again, tentatively named, are the other race. They’re a more peaceful, close to human race since they’ve lived among humans for a hundred years or so. My main characters are from this race. They were banished from the other world by the Pyrians in a war a long time ago. Since the Pyrians are more battle-oriented, they had the upper hand in battle, but the wanderers have the ability to teleport between the two worlds. Pyrians can’t.
    
    My MC is a Pyrian/wanderer hybrid. She was raised by her wanderer mother on Earth so she feels more inclined to the humans and Earth. I still have to work out her story line as far as that goes, but I plan on her knowing fairly early about who her dad is.
    
    it’s totally fantasy, no sci-fi elements to it. I think I have the main points of the races down.
    
    Thanks for the comments! Definitely something to think about.

34. # Ragged Boyon 21 Nov 2008 at 4:56 pm

    Ok, I saw your posts, I agree there are many weaknesses, but the ones you said ought to work perfectly. What I didn’t explain was that each mentor is the alien that their student will, possibly, become. For example, Jimelly (formerly Jiminy, get it “Timilly”) is an aquatic alien, thusly he will infuse his student that make it far enough with his own DNA. So Adrian will become the same race as Jimelly so he can be taught about that alien’s abilities. Each mentor is a different type of alien, so that’s how there is power diversity. It will definitely be a sci-fi story, I just used mage as an example name.
    

    As for the part-time dragon problems, This is worked out because he really can’t do much or go along with the story as a human, so his need for morphing into aquatic form is justified. There will be time where it may be convenient, though, like if was surrounded by a gang or need to swim across a pond to get somewhere.

35. # Holliequon 22 Nov 2008 at 11:35 am

    I had an idea for a character, sort of based on a “balance” idea. Her right hand heals but her left hand withers/injures (I’m not really sure how to describe it). The idea is that she can’t use her healing on herself (so, no regeneration) because it’s always counterbalanced by her other powers. And these powers are always “switched on”, so if she grabs hold of somebody with her left hand she could seriously hurt them or even kill them if she held on for long enough – except the person was also in contact with her right hand, which goes back to the whole balance thingy.
    
    To mix things up slightly, I was thinking of making it so she’s left-handed, and therefore whenever she automatically goes to touch somebody or do something with her left hand she has to check herself and make sure she’s not going to cause injury.
    
    I can’t really think of any other limits/problems to this apart from exhaustion, but that’s a pretty abvious one. Is this enough, or do I need to come up with some? Any suggestions?

36. # Ragged Boyon 22 Nov 2008 at 1:03 pm

    When you say her right hand hurts people, how do you mean? Does it drain them, poision them, weaken them or just cause them pain until they die?
    

    I essentially like the power, the balance idea is very fresh. She has no control over her powers, so that would hurt you or. Do her powers come with a side-effect and can they be controlled/halted by wearing gloves. Can her destructive or healing powers be manifested into anything, like a ball oh healing energy?
    
    I think a good factor that she has is that she is essentially human with a superboost, this could lots of improvised scenes where she has to think on her feet, but this can also be bad, what if the villian is cross town and she doesn’t have any mode of super transportation to get to him?

37. # Ragged Boyon 22 Nov 2008 at 1:09 pm

    As for her left-handedness, this could be problematic because people aren’t usually checking themselves for what hand they are using when they, say, pat their friend on the back or are playing a game with friends. So even though she is cautious, I doubt she would realize every time she is about to use her left hand.

38. # Holliequon 22 Nov 2008 at 1:24 pm

    You raise some very good points. I was thinking that her powers could be controlled by wearing gloves, because otherwise I could see her developing into this angsty character who says “woe!” a lot. Organic material only.
    

    I’m still not sure about the left hand, but the idea is in general that it hurts (uh, yeah >>;).
    
    Draining has potential, because that could give her a boost by stealing their energy and ultimately make her feel stronger. I detect potential angst, though. The idea i had in mind was sort of like aging – I suppose weakening with an unhealthy dose of pain for good measure would be the best thing. And easy to describe.
    
    I didn’t want her powers to be used without touch – so no healing-ball-of-energy, no destructive-blast. On the other hand, she was supposed to fill a semi-support role so I don’t think this is a massive problem.
    
    Your point about the villain on the other side of town is a good one, but that’s part of the fun/challenge. Also, the idea I have in my head places her as part of a team.
    

    Good point about the left-handedness. I may leave that out – or even make her ambidextrous, lol.

39. # Ragged Boyon 22 Nov 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Oh, okay if she’s part of a team I’m sure someone can give her a ride. Maybe you could make her “bad” hand controllable to an extent. For example, instead of just hurting them, she can weaken, poison, drain, and with prolonged touch cause death. That way she can switch between a small resevoir of abilities.

40. # Holliequon 22 Nov 2008 at 3:31 pm

    That’s an idea – that could be good to as in as the story evolves and the characters get more powerful (this isn’t just random, by the way, it has to do with my origin story).
    

    But I want to stick with the balance idea, so ideally the weakening etc. should have some sort of counter-balance. Healing is an obvious one and giving strength/energy too. Can you think of anything else?
    

    This is a big help. Thanks!

41. # Ragged Boyon 22 Nov 2008 at 4:28 pm

    Maybe invigoration, giving whomever she touches a temporary boost in their powers as well as energy and strength, that could add to her support factor as a team member.

    I’m kind of going blank though, hope this helps.

42. # Silason 24 Nov 2008 at 8:56 am

    I was trying to decide what my main character’s minor power should be, and this is what I came up with. I’d just like general thoughts or opinions on it, please. Maybe suggestions of how it should be different etc.
    
    Okay, so she can see through other people’s eyes. She can’t hear their thoughts, or hear what is going on around the person she’s seeing. She has to have had some sort of physical contact with the person in order to establish her relationship of being able to see them. The power is very draining for her at first. (She has to build up endurance to use it for greater lengths of times) Since it’s basically her minor power, it’s the first one she learns she has.
    
    I think this is a good minor power because it obviously has its limitations. For example, if she’s trying to find someone, she can see what they see, but she would have to know what she was looking at to determine where they were. Also, when her she sees into other people, her eyes change. I’m thinking either she takes on their eye color for a more subtle effect or her irises completely disappear for a more dramatic effect.
    
    What do you think? I’d appreciate any help.

43. # Bretton 24 Nov 2008 at 9:44 am

    Very interesting. It sounds similar to the Eragon scrying concept, where you can only see what you are familiar with, but with a slight reversal. I find your take on this refreshing. But I would reccomend adding something to make it a bit more visceral, and make it somewhat easier for your heroine to identify what she’s seeing. I’ve been advised that smell and touch are very visceral senses, so maybe your heroine can also feel what the other person feels, or smell what they smell. Feeling would probably be better, because it offers more clues, is more dramatic, and seems more useful. For example, if your character was looking for a missing friend, and felt pain, that would increase the urgency of finding the person. Also, another potential weakness is that if the person she’s seeing through blacks out, she’ll either go temporarily blind (until she returns to her own perspective), or she’ll also go unconscious temporarily. Alsom she could be threatened with death if the other person dies while she’s in vision.

    All thoughts welcome.

44. # K-bombon 03 Dec 2008 at 3:03 pm

    I love this site. I’m writing a book for English and this helped me a lot. I think there should be the power to project images with your mind or travel into photos.

45. # Ragged Boyon 04 Dec 2008 at 3:16 pm

    Do you think there are any ways to make using water different, I was thinking of making his alien transformation not a full transformation. Like instead of being naked with no “privates”, he wears an exosuit. Should I make his abilities more tech based like he uses chemical from his suit and his alien form to control water.

    I don’t know, I can’t really “word” what I’m trying to say.

46. # B. Macon 04 Dec 2008 at 6:19 pm

    I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t think it’s extremely important precisely how your character is able to manipulate water. If you really wanted to develop that, though, you could try giving his exosuit a sensory setup so that when he pointed or something the water would go in that direction.

47. # Ragged Boyon 04 Dec 2008 at 6:26 pm

    I like that idea, I want my aliens but I want exosuits too. Maybe exosuits until they get alienized. I was going to make a suit that made water controlling chemicals and your idea plays well into that.

    In my opinion fantasy based abilities tend to go further than sci-fi based ones, what I like about sci-fi based abilities is that they require some ingenuity because they are limited the user will be force to improvise occasionally. Star Wars is a perfect example of not always relying on your power, which is what I want a little bit in my story.

48. # Bretton 04 Dec 2008 at 8:26 pm

    Ha. I’m glad we’re on the same page RB. Some of the things I depict Alex as doing in our fake fight are so over-the-top that if I tried to use them in a book I might as well hang myself. (Exception: Alex and Maesirturaon actually can merge, but this combination will probably not be named The Flame of Zhudai.)

    One way to make his powers different would probably be to have him do one of the following random things that popped into my head:

    1.He MUST maintain constant physical contact with the water in order to maintain control. Advanced powers require him to actually mold/shape it, like a potter with clay.

    2. I know this will sound weird, but have him control it by singing. It works…sometimes. Aslan created Narnia through song, and in Tolkein’s legendarium, Arda (the world of which Middle Earth is apart) was also created by song. Also, water is inherently melodic and fluid.

    3. He could temporarily transfer his mind into the water itself. While his body is protected by the exosuit or a thick coating of ice, the water he is controlling acts as a temporary body. You can see obvious strengths and weaknesses here.

49. # Ragged Boyon 04 Dec 2008 at 8:37 pm

    I kind of like #3. It’s like the water version of Negative Man. And I think it workable I’ll consider it.

    Oh, yeah Adrian doesn’t really have the power to turn water into ice, but he does have thermokinesis over water. He can make it scolding hot or freezing cold. I think I’ll use that number 3.

    Thanks

50. # Ragged Boyon 05 Dec 2008 at 7:49 am

    I think I’ll just keep it to chemical control over water, his exosuit will halp him generate the chemical until he can do it on his own.
    

    Talk about a cool project, I’m working on a project for a prospective superhero gang. there will be 4-5 characters that form a gang. None of them really have powers but instead use objects that either grant them an ability or that can just do something super.
    

    These are the items I wanted to use.
    
    Yo-yo
    Mask
    Scarf
    Rollerblades
    Umbrella
    
    This is where you guys come in I know you shouldn’t based a character off their powers, but I need to establish the powers first then distribute them. I need each of you to pick one object, and make it technologically super. I’ve already done yo-yo’s. I’m doing this because I like for our minds to come together for the greater good of me, haha. This is for a side project I’m working on.

51. # Holliequon 09 Dec 2008 at 1:31 pm

    The Umbrella could be an shield, or create forcefields. It could be the umbrella version of the TARDIS and you can trap things several times larger than it inside it (so it would be a bad idea to just open it up randomly). If it was a super-strong umbrella you could also use it as quite a handy weapon.

    Rollerblades could give the pretty obvious boost to speed. Maybe going up walls and over water, too. Or, something a little more unique, maybe they can also change the substance of whatever the wearer skates over.

52. # Ragged Boyon 09 Dec 2008 at 8:12 pm

    I think color manipulation could be a very strong ability:

    1) Matching colors to their background makes invisibility.

    2)Hypnosis, disorientation, and/or seizure inducing.

    3)Allows you to cheat on test.

    4) Create realistic optical illusions.

    5) You’d always have a fresh costume.

    6) If you were chasing someone you caould make them stand out.

    7)It would generally be a fun power.

    you could cheat your way into a bunch of art careers. Artistry and colorist

    I think color manipulation depends on the degree of control you have. If you could also controls patterns and the appearance of texture, you’d be pretty powerful. Although, color manipulation seems like a secondary power it is beneficial, nonetheless.

53. # Dallason 10 Dec 2008 at 5:12 pm

    What about a powerless superhero?
    

    Not even at Batman standards, just below Punisher. The character in my book only survives because he has enough willpower to fuel a car. He uses blunt objects he finds around, or chemicals he mixes. He’s not extremely strong, or big for his age.
    
    He feels like he’s ‘the only good guy in a sea of drugs and gangs and murder and he’s the only one that can save his city,’ that kind of thing. I have the origin story down: his GF gets drugged, raped, and kills herself, and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been afraid. But what about for mere vigilantes? Any advice?
    
    I’m trying to work around him not using a gun, but it’s hard when all the gangsters in the story have them and he doesn’t. The book’s target audience is mature readers, because I’m trying to make it as realistic as possible. So when people get mad, they swear, and drugs, partying and sex are involved.
    
    I’d appreciate any advice.

54. # Ragged Boyon 10 Dec 2008 at 5:36 pm

    I, personally, am not a big fan of powerless heroes, but they are very workable and they can be very interesting. They have to improvise at all times, so that would make for alot of interesting scenes.

    My recommendation would be not to kill off the girlfriend, but have her severely changed. Experiences like rape can drastically alter personality. Maybe making her more closed off and she doesn’t want to be intimate (not just sexually) with the main character. If you wanted to go to EXTREMES, you could have her go into severe repression so much so she gives herself amnesia, and forgets the MC.

    It would seem this character has some strong connections and is very intelligent (burning drugs, putting gangs against each other). I think giving him a degree of gadgets would be more plausible, but you don’t have to go all out (retractable zip-lines, cloaking devices). If he doesn’t want to kill maybe a small tranquillizer gun or firing taser. Or you could move into gun territory, but know your facts about guns before you use them.

    “But what a bout for mere vililantees?” I’m not sure what you meant by this. If you meant “more” vigilantes, I would recommend a small team seeing as he is trying to accomplish alot for one person. If you meant “mere” vigilantes, as in weaker heroes, that is also very workable, it allows you to improvise alot of scenes, which is very dramatically appealing.

55. # mysticguston 05 Feb 2009 at 3:55 pm

    I have come up with a story and need professional help…..
    My first character is named Joshua and has the ability to manipulate air. I was thinking that his power was powerd by energy he absorbed so that he would run out if he wasnt stingy with his abilty. I was also thinking that maybe he has to stop a recharge in fights so that hes forced to use his skills more often.

    my second character is Wayne. He has the ability of plant mimicry. so that he can copy plants abilitys. such as thorns or growing vines and roots. he could make plants grow extreamly fast. He can make himself turn into a plant like substance.

    Third,This character is named bre’anna and her ability is chlorine gas breath.The effects of this are dizzyness,unconssiousness,or acoma. but the thing is isthat she cant control how intense the chlorine gas is and she cant stop it when it starts coming out(but she can mke it come out).

    my last character is named wilma. she has sound absorbtion. she can absorb sound causing people to become deaf and mute. she can also copie sounds she absorbs makeing it a weopon by generating sound powerful enough to bust eardrums,shatter glass,and cause intense pain. but her weakness is that she cant control who it effects because she generates it from all sides.

    so those are my characters and i need help with villains. I have a good plot already so i dont need help with that but someone could offer ideas. Also i could use some ideas for their powers. so i would appreciate it if someone would help plzzzz….

56. # B. Macon 06 Feb 2009 at 7:11 am

    Hmm. Mysticgust, are you thinking of a novel, a comic book or something else?
    
    If this is a novel, I think the powers will be hard to choreograph in a fight. Sound absorption might be a problem in a comic book, but generally I don’t think choreography (how the powers are depicted on the page) will be a problem for a comic book.
    
    I notice that none of the heroes sound like they’ll be doing a lot of melee. In a comic book, a meleeist can be a useful source of interesting visuals and generic feats of strength (like bashing through a door, etc).
    
    As for the villain, I’d recommend keeping things as simple as possible. The heroes are already kind of exotic.

57. # Ragged Boyon 06 Feb 2009 at 9:41 am

    I think your heroes lean towards more natural and elemental based powers, so you may want a counter-intuitive villian, maybe a villian with technological abilities. Alternatively, you could go with an opposite force of nature like fire and heat.

    I like your heroes they sound like a fresh bunch, although I do agree they may not be melee suited. But, I suspect you can use Wilma and Wayne as meleeists, particulary Wayne. And possibly Joshua.

    I’m a little concerned about Bre’anna, what can she contribute by having uncontrolllable noxious gas? Does she ever gain control? What else can she do with her gas?

    Could you give me a general idea of your plot? Maybe that would give me some ideas for an appropriate villain.

58. # Holliequon 06 Feb 2009 at 10:08 am

    I’d reccommend changing Bre’anna into Brianna. Depending on her backstory, I think this a bit more of a natural sounding name.

    Joshua has the power to manipulate air. How exactly would this be helpful? What could he do? The only thing I can think of is that he can stop air from getting into peoples’ lungs, but that wouldn’t make for very good fight scenes. Also, how would you describe this in a novel/show this in a comic book visual? You may want to tweak this power slightly so it’s a little easier to use.

    Wayne’s powers seem very plant-based, which is a good start. However, I’m not really feeling ‘turn himself into a plant-like substance’. I think this overlaps a lot with his ability to copy plant abilities and I’d suggest simply getting rid of it.

    I don’t think Bre’anna’s abilties will be very useful. Heck, they seem more likely to be a liability than anything. Unless my memory fails me, chlorine gas is what they used in the trenches in World War 1, and it’s VERY dangerous and often fatal. I don’t think that I’d want anybody like that near me. I would reccommend changing her powers (maybe something more simple, like creating poisons in her body) or give her some sort of control over the gas.

    I feel that Wilma’s powers will be hard to describe or show in a visual. Also, something about your description of her powers feels a little off to me. Sound is basically particle vibrations, right? You could tweak your description a little to fit this (for example, she has slight control over particle movement and can prevent them from entering the ear, which causes deafness). Ha, my physics isn’t great.

    This is just a minor nitpick, but I think Wayne and Wilma’s names sound pretty similar. I’d recommend changing Wilma to make it easier to distinguish the characters.

    As for the villain, I wouldn’t recommend a fire-based villain, simply because it seems to have been done in a lot of other things. Depending on your origin story, how do you feel about a more psychic- or technological-based villain?

59. # Ragged Boyon 06 Feb 2009 at 10:32 am

    Holliequ, I agree on your other points, but one stuck out to me.

    I’m pretty sure there are quite a few intersting things that can be done with wind abilities. Pushing, pullling, flying, forming weapons, and maybe constructs, tornadoes, etc. I think with a little creativity Joshua’s air ablities can be interesting. Although, I’m not sure exactly how you would depict this in a novel.

    Maybe:

    “Joshua gestured with hand, sending a ball of air hurdling at this opponent. Gesturing upward, he created a current that lifted him off the ground.”

    Or something like that, but I suspect all that gesturing my get annoying. Alternatively, he could control his air through speech, this may be ok, if it doesn’t come off like an anime with all the ability yelling

    I like your idea of creating poisons from her body, but as a slight tweak, maybe she can create a variety of gases. Sleeping gas, knockout gas, dizzy gas, tear gas, seering gas, and maybe truth gas.

    Thinking back a fire villian may not be all that fresh (I find fire a very uninteresting ability. Conversly, I had once dreamt up a hero who uses purely heat instead of fire), but I’d definitely advocate the technological villian.

60. # Holliequon 06 Feb 2009 at 11:01 am

    Hmm. You raise some good points, RB, I hadn’t thought about those. Air is more useful than I thought! About the gesturing, I find that spot-on as well, although I don’t think that would be as bad in a comic. In a book, he’d probably have some form of mental direction, and maybe use his hands to guide it more accurately.

61. # mysticguston 06 Feb 2009 at 2:42 pm

    Thanks for the help. I’m thinking about making a novel and maybe a comic here or there. I like to draw. This is very helpful. I’m thinking about what ragged boy said about the different gases and I think that’s a good idea. I think maybe Wilma and Bre’anna could gain more control later on and I think I came up with a good villain.
    
    I thought about having a guy who absorbs a lot of people’s abilities but can only retain one, which is okay… but when when he absorbs ability augmentation he can supercharge his ability so he can recall abilities he already absorbed and use them on a higher scale than anyone who originally had the ability.
    
    What makes him bad is that an alien race came to Earth looking for specimens to plant their eggs in (when the eggs mature they become they permanently take over the bodies they inhabit), so when he got injected and they found out he had abilities they started looking for superhumans for the queen to lay her eggs in. But when they are immune, they force them to mine ores to build ships and weapons to capture the rest of the human race. So please tell me if you think this is a good idea and be brutal… I will keep updating.

62. # Ragged Boyon 06 Feb 2009 at 2:59 pm

    So basically the villian is an Ability Theif, he can absorb a multitude of powers, but only use one at a time. When he uses the power, it’s stronger than the person who originally controlled it. Ok, that sounds like it can work as long as there are more people with powers instead of the main characters.

    I’m confused on the origin of his evilness, the way you worded it confuses me. So when he got injected with the egg, they found out that humans had powers, thus they looked for a sperhuman to implant their queen in.

    So basically, he was immune and they forced him to work in a mine. That doesn’t explain why he’s evil. Is he working for the aliens? or is he on his own? did he ever even get out of the mine?

    Could you re-explain it to me?

63. # mysticguston 06 Feb 2009 at 4:02 pm

    The main villain has the ability to copy powers but can only retain one at a time. Until that is he copies the ability of superpower augmentation(ability supercharging) so he used it on himself allowing him to recall his abilities he’s absorbed. When he got injected with the embryo it took control of his body. After seeing that his host had an ability, they decided to find other superhumans to inject.

64. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 08 Feb 2009 at 4:56 am

    I’ve decided to change Atalya’s powers. Her current ones suck compared to the others.

    Instead of her powers being the result of a botched surgery, they will now be because of her promise ring. Tristram got it from a jeweller whose supplier mistook a space rock for a piece of amethyst. Its structure is the same, but as Atalya wore it every second of every day, the radiation it had gathered during its intergalactic journey transferred to her bloodstream, enabling her to alter her structure. Not a shapeshifter as such, think of Danny Phantom. He can switch from being a boy to being a ghost. Atalya’s appearance changes to that of another possible genetic code she has (her skin goes darker, her hair changes colour slightly, etc) and a pair of wings sprout from her back.

    What do you think? Thanks!

65. # Holliequon 08 Feb 2009 at 12:25 pm

    What were her other powers? Also, how do the wings help? I think the wings might make her seem a bit cheesy, especially if she’s a bit goody (um, she’s a superhero, so I would guess so . . .) – maybe you can give her a power that’s a little less unexpected?

    On the other hand, I really like linking the promise ring to her powers. That suggests that Tristram started dating her before she got her powers and it might make their relationship more human. I feel that could add layers or more interest (for example, maybe Tristram preffered it when she didn’t have powers because she wasn’t in danger. Maybe she feels more on his level now). What do you think?

66. # B. Macon 08 Feb 2009 at 3:05 pm

    This might just be a guy vs. girl thing, but I felt the element of the promise ring giving her superpowers was a bit girly. Sort of like Dumbledore telling Harry that he survived because of “The greatest magic… love, Mr. Potter!” (I’m paraphrasing that, but not very much).
    
    Also, I’m not familiar with promise rings. Do they actually mean something or are they just another way to show off a puppy romance? For example, an engagement ring is clearly meaningful, but I have no idea how committed two lovers are before they exchange promise rings. (Like most twenty-somethings, I think I have a very cynical view of high school romance, so that bias is probably going to skew my attempt to fill in the gaps of my knowledge).

67. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 09 Feb 2009 at 12:22 am

    Holliequ:

    Her powers before were night-vision and the ability to plant ideas into people’s minds, which they may or may not follow through on. Compared to the powers of the other heroes (flight and psi-blasts, shapeshifting/sound mimicry, communication with the dead, animal empathy, hacking) they seemed pretty lame.

    Since Isaac, Tristram and Kamari can fly, I felt it would be easier to add another flier for the fight scenes. If Requiem, Klemente or Olivia were to leap off a building, they would be doomed. Most of my fight scenes are ambush attacks from above, which would be easier to do if there were more fliers.

    I haven’t decided on the type of wings. Bat would be cool, but they’re way too common. Angel style are also pretty, but I think I’d make it more like a yellow and blue macaw bird wing.

    http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/NPLPOD/1134926~Blue-and-Yellow-Macaw-Landing-on-a-Perch-Posters.jpg

    I thought it would be a bit too convenient if Tristram and Atalya happened to be at the same foster child support meeting, and both just happened to have powers. This way it works out much better.

    B. Mac:

    The giving of promise rings in Oz is extremely rare (I first heard about them by watching That 70’s Show) and it is decreasing in other places. What I have read is that they can be a promise to get engaged or a way to show affection. It’s also a sort of mark: “My boyfriend gave me this promise ring, so I’m taken”.

68. # Chi.Rhoon 15 Feb 2009 at 11:46 pm

    I was thinking about creating a character with the ability to become like sand or as hard as diamond. Does that make sense? I thought that would be really cool.

69. # Dforceon 16 Feb 2009 at 1:48 am

    Chi.Rho!

    That sounds interesting.

    Have you not heard of the Sandman? (Spiderman villain; you probably have). Or Gaara? (manga villain-turned-hero). They are basically what you’re looking for, and some characters you may want to research.

    I haven’t seen any other sand-people like them (not that I’ve looked), so maybe you could expand on what already is. I think it’s doable.

    To answer the question, it does make sense. And in case you needed reassurance, go for it. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

70. # Chi.Rhoon 16 Feb 2009 at 9:22 am

    Is it possible for me to write some material and post it so you guys can critique it for me? It would be really cool to get some feedback.

71. # B. Macon 16 Feb 2009 at 11:21 am

    Hey, Chi.Rho, I’ve given you a review forum here.

72. # Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Also @ Chi.Rho – Heat turns sand into glass, I think I read that somewhere. Still, glass is kind of breakable….Maybe I’ll research it.

    @ Ragged Boy – I’ve read about your water element. He’s weak to dehydration and such, right?

    Thanks for helping, but I have many more characters…..

    However, for today I’m sticking with Sparks/Sprx.

    -Wings the Trying-To-Be-Helpful

73. # Ragged Boyon 16 Feb 2009 at 5:04 pm

    I think there can be some leeway on the durability of the glass. I suspect the glass would be used for constructs anyway.

    Yup, Adrian is weak against heat, electricity, and dehydration, he loses his powers in the new moon. Luckily he has a supply of alien technology to use in such a situation, he’s also a skilled actor making him persuasive and convincing.

74. # Ragged Boyon 16 Feb 2009 at 5:29 pm

    One minor concern:

    You have three characters whose name start with A. Worst case scenario, a reader could get confused one who’s who if all three are in a scene together.

75. # Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 5:32 pm

    I can afford to ditch the names Alan and Adriana. (I love the name Alexis)

    Any suggestions?

    -Wings

76. # Chi.Rhoon 17 Feb 2009 at 8:23 pm

    If I use gene splicing to explain the origins of a chracters abilities…would the character have to resemble the animal used to grant the hero abilities?

77. # Ragged Boyon 18 Feb 2009 at 7:48 pm

    Not if you didn’t want them to, although it’s up to your discretion.

78. # B. Macon 18 Feb 2009 at 7:50 pm

    CR, the single best-known example of genetic splicing in comic books is that Spiderman has some genes from a spider even though he doesn’t look like a spider. So I think that audiences won’t get confused if the character doesn’t look like the animal he shares genes with.

79. # Ragged Boyon 18 Feb 2009 at 8:16 pm

    List of powers from Showtime: The Goddies

    Showtime- Control over all water and its properties, versed in alien technology, enchanced durability.

    Jimelly- Full water control (including advanced techniques i.e. flight, self-vaporization), vast knowledge of chemistry and technology.

    Lae’Trell- Magnetic control, generates an electrical aura capable of stunning and bodily manpulation, mechanical genius, expert pilot. Don’t forget her massive horns!

    Meleon (A recurring neutral)- Color manipulation, extendable metal tongue, wall-crawling, enhanced agility.

    Thumper (Neutral, contest loser, powers through stolen tech, Adrian’s semi love interest )- Sound control, sound based armor, enhanced strength.

    Black Lace(Michelle-Adrian’s other semi love interest)- Biological manipulation (rapid healing, morphing, changing other’s anatomy, biological linking)

    Suggestions? Opinions?

80. # Dforceon 19 Feb 2009 at 8:55 pm

    Is this a team, or are Showtime and Jimelly enemies (or heavy competitors)? I only ask because they seem similar. Also, where are they? Would Showtime have a hard time driving a car since he only knows about alien ships, or is that ontop of what he already knows?

    Ehh… I’d probably give more useful info If I knew more.

    Hmm… the diversity of powers seems balanced (-water, +water, electricity, color, sound, and biology), and the color manipulation sounds very intriguing.

    I’m no expert, but I see potential… though, I would stick to the norm and change the second water to fire, but you may not want to do that (since it would be expected).

81. # Holliequon 19 Feb 2009 at 9:13 pm

    I think Adrian’s power relies on Jimelly (I may be mistaken). Uh, it’s a little complicated. RB can explain.

    Those all sound pretty solid, RB, except Meleon (not feeling that name, by the way. It seems a little weird to pronounce, Mel-e-on doesn’t roll off the tongue the same way, Iunno, Mollen or Mallen would). A metal tongue? For a start, why would her tongue be metal, and two, how would she taste anything? . . . That’s gotta be a serious evolutionary disadvantage. I like the idea, though. What about making it just a normal tongue? If you don’t think that has enough spice to it, then maybe it leaks acid or poison or something.

    I don’t really care for the name ‘Black Lace’, either. I’m not really fond of names with more than one word. I think you could give her something stylish like Showtime, nevermind if it has nothing to do with her powers. Showtime doesn’t either, after all, unless you say “they’re showy!”

82. # Stefan the Nuclear Manon 20 Feb 2009 at 4:47 am

    Maybe Psychedelic for the colour-manipulation guy? Awesome power, by the way. Also, if human and possibly alien bodies are comprised partially of water, would that make the Michelle’s power redundant? Oh, and I don’t get the purpose of the apostrophe in the magnetic guy. Does it refer to a way of pronouncing the name? It’s a little distracting. Perhaps a demonic-sounding name for that character? It would help readers remember her horns, too.

83. # Ragged Boyon 20 Feb 2009 at 9:32 am

    Well, Adrian/Showtime and Jimelly have the same powers because they are the same alien race. Jimelly will not use his powers very often though, he specializes in his chemistry, and isn’t really a fighter. Jimelly is Adrian’s mentor and the one who gave him his powers via injecting him with his own DNA.

    I like Black Lace, but I can come up with something else. I’m not feeling Psychedelic, maybe Camo, I’ll come up with something. His concept is a human cha-meleon.

    He has metal tongue only when he goes alien. I wanted to do something new.

    Adrian and Jim won’t control the water in people’s bodies, that’s kind of cheating, so Michelle is good in her field.

    This group is somewhat a team, some of these people probably won’t meet each other like Jim and Michelle.

    Lae’Trell is an alien, not a demon, and plus she’s a good guy. So, I don’t want to give her a demonic name, despite her large horns and moody personality. She doesn’t explicitly control bodies, but she can boost her own chemistry by electrical impulse.

    You kind of have to understand my story to get it, Adrain/Showtime is a human who can turn into a half alien at will becuase he was injected with Jimelly’s (who is a full alien) DNA. So he’s more human than alien.

84. # Chi.Rhoon 22 Feb 2009 at 10:11 am

    Hey guys….I was wondering are some tips on creating characters and making sure that their primary and secondary powers work together….For example would it be pointless to create a character who can turn invisible and have superspeed? Thanx

85. # Ragged Boyon 22 Feb 2009 at 9:23 pm

    Well, usually when you have a character with a primary and secondary power, the primary is usually generic. This gives you the opportunity to give them an exotic secondary power. Wallcrawling and web spinning is cool, but spider sense takes it over the egde (in a good way).

    Alternately, you could choose a primary power and edit it to make it more interesting or exotic. For example, telekinesis but only over paper or marbles. Or summoning, but only things that you have drawn before.

    I hope this helps. I think B. Mac can give you more insight.

86. # B. Macon 22 Feb 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Hmm… as a rule, I think exotic powers require more attention from the audience, particularly if they have unusual parameters (like the ability to use telekinesis but only on paper or metal).
    
    If a power requires a lot of audience attention and/or explanation, I think it’s important to make it front-and-center. For example, Spiderman’s webs are his most distinctive and most-used power, but Superman’s eye-beams and icy breath are just minor tricks that rarely see action.
    
    Invisibility is a good power, and superspeed is ok (although superspeed will make it especially difficult to write in fights with unpowered criminals). However, I’m not sure about the combination. First, they don’t seem to go together very well. Second, I don’t think they’re very complementary. For example, Wolverine’s agility and claws are complementary because he can work in crazy acrobatics as he tries to claw someone. Likewise, Spiderman can do acrobatics or wall-crawl as he tries to shoot webs.
    
    I think invisibility would work better for something like a stealth theme, or maybe an intangible ghost theme. Superspeed is more limited. Usually, the character is just a speedster (like the Flash or Quicksilver).

87. # Ragged Boyon 24 Feb 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Now for my villains. As a general statement they all feel constant, extreme pain at all times giving them an oddly high tolerance for pain. By being in pain for so long they have become accustomed to it.
    
    Master Unitus (his chosen name)- He’s a delusional megalomaniac whose goal is to unite the entire universe in pain. Being that pain is one of the only things that all races, alien and human, share he chose it as his mean. Thusly, he first used his theory on his “loyal” subjects.
    
    He is a gifter, although his gifts come at the cost of extreme pain to the body parts associated. He is also a hypnotic orator, but his hypnosis only works if whom he is speaking to is not aware of it. He has no battle abilities, although he can give negative abilities. For example, he could give you the ability to have a body that weigh tons, while your body is in extreme pain, you also cannot move yourself.
    
    Unitus, being in a fixed position, refers to his four main followers as his Body.
    
    Vorp, The Mind- Has the ability of mental matter reconstruction and a super-genius level intellect. He suffers from intense splitting migraines, but works through the pain.
    
    Mange, The Heart- Breathes and spits decay pheromones, can control the density and thickness of her skin, healing factor. She suffers from symptoms similar to a rapid flesh eating virus. This coupled with her healing gives her the general appearance of a rotting corpse, although she isn’t actually rotting.
    
    Lock, The Hand- Can control and multiply the joints in his body, using them to rapidly extend and expand his limbs. He is also armed with an arsenal of blades. Due to his race he has naturally stretchy skin to accomodate his bones. He feels the constant pain of broken bones.
    
    (No name yet, ideas?), The Foot- She has detachable, regenerative body parts that she can manipulate and self-destruct. She carries a large energy shield that she uses offensively as well as to defend herself from her own explosions. She is disdainful towards her title and is the only Body member who still reacts negatively to her pain. She feels a fluctuating pain of burning throughout her body, particularly her lungs, causing her to often cough when she speaks.

88. # Holliequon 24 Feb 2009 at 4:47 pm

    RB, for a name, how about something like Zela or Zena? I would suggest Zeeka because it sounds a bit harsher, but that might not be so easy to read. What do you think? (Don’t mind the Z names, btw, I’m in a Z sort of mood.)

89. # Holliequon 24 Feb 2009 at 5:05 pm

    On Vorp: I think it would be really difficult to use that genius intellect through a splitting migraine, but it seems to work. I think that his mental matter reconstruction could be hard to choreograph.

    The others seem fine to me, if a bit quirky. You might want to get B. Mac or somebody’s advice though. I’m not the superhero expert.

90. # Ragged Boyon 24 Feb 2009 at 5:17 pm

    Vorp has learned to work through his pain, like the other members (except Boom).

    I agree, the matter reconstruction may be difficult. I’ll probably have this portayed by instant transformation instead of something like liquid morphing.

    The powers were meant to be a little odd, but essentially simplistic, I think I’ve achieved that.

91. # Davidon 01 Mar 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Hey, B. Mac, here’s a question. Do questions need to be exotic like energy beams or webshooters and such or can they be simple like great agility and acrobatic and claws and teeth?
    
    One of my characters has all. When I say sharp claws, though, I mean more like longer nails (like Sabertooth, not Wolverine). And good nightvision.
    
    Also, do heroes need to be highly intelligent? You know, like Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne. Heck, even Wally West is a forensic guy in JLUL. Or can they be average joes?

92. # B. Macon 01 Mar 2009 at 4:35 pm

    I think the need for intelligence is mostly determined by whether the hero is on a team or not. For example, The Thing is not smart enough to solve crimes on his own, but it’s not a problem because he’s on a team with smart people (notably Reed Richards).
    
    In contrast, a loner hero will need some basic intelligence/savvy to solve crimes, but he doesn’t have to be super-intelligent. Nor does he have to be an incredible scientist. If the hero needs forensic analysis or scientific help, you can easily introduce a trusted scientific ally. For example, Superman has friends at STAR Labs.
    
    Most superhero teams will have at least one notably intelligent person (usually a scientist), like Beast or Mr. Fantastic or Tony Stark or Batman. On your team, I think Solar would fit into that role very nicely even though she’s more of a doctor than a scientist.

93. # Davidon 01 Mar 2009 at 5:09 pm

    Sorry, I meant one of my characters has sharp teeth and claws.

    Her name’s Kimberly. I haven’t used her in an official story yet. Anyway, she’s a young child with a catlike mannerism and claws, teeth, good vision in the day and night, good hearing, perfect balance…
    
    The thing is, she’s like a child that wants to play all the time but is easily amused with string and such. She’s very good at puzzles. When she’s scared or angry, she turns feral, which brings out her claws and teeth and enhances her agility.
    
    She would be good in a duo. If my first comic flops, I might do a separate one of her and D.

94. # Ragged Boyon 01 Mar 2009 at 5:35 pm

    I’ve met Kim. She’s a pretty good character. Although, you might have to be careful with her slight retardation. I think a duo is the best thing for her. I don’t think she’s interesting enough to carry a story on her on. At least not from what I know of her so far.

    I think simple powers are ok. I hope you didn’t ask this because of my statement over on the TT site. Haha. I’m not big on them, but I’m sure that most people are. They’re easy to portray and understand, so more power to you.

95. # Wadeon 02 Mar 2009 at 5:52 am

    Wow, wicked site. I was wondering… I started a superhero novel based on five teenage characters. I’ve created their backstories and personalities but I don’t know what superpowers to give them. Could you help me out?

96. # Brittanyon 02 Mar 2009 at 8:44 am

    Hi, great site! Well, I’m starting to write a super hero novel. Here’s the backstory:
    
    After the Cold War, much of the nuclear waste had to be dumped. They picked five remote areas across the country and dumped tons of this radioactive waste in lakes, swamps, forests, etc. For a while it was left undisturbed until population grew in these areas. People started going missing. Myths and legends were created around strange stories of people with extreme powers, or deformities.
    
    How does that sound so far?

97. # Brittanyon 02 Mar 2009 at 11:11 am

    It’s set in the present time. The main character is a 16 year old guy named Jayden Smithson. After both his father and older brother go missing, the father during a delivery (he was a trucker) and his brother during a camping trip, his mother remarries and has another son, Tyler. Well, Jayden’s stepfather gets leukemia and they are forced to move from Boston, MA to the small town of Greenwood Lake, NY because of Jayden’s mother’s economic turmoil. Greenwood Lake is one of the the dumping zones for the nuclear waste.
    
    How does that sound? I’m having more trouble coming up with names and powers. I’m not sure if the names of the heroes should somehow relate to their power. I’m not sure if that makes them more corny.

98. # Wadeon 02 Mar 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Thanks OK like i said my super human story is about five teenagers who discover they have abilities this is set in a world where superheroes only existed in comics or thats what people think i have got the the characters made now save for they powers and i just can’t decided what to do can any one give me some suggestions

99. # Ragged Boyon 02 Mar 2009 at 3:05 pm

    @ Brittany: Characters with names related to their powers is very Golden Age of Comics. I would strongly suggest against it, it’s horribly cheesy.

    @ Wade: Do you have any ideas of powers? What are your favorite types of superpowers? If you had a superpower what would it be?

100. # B. Macon 02 Mar 2009 at 4:00 pm

     Wade, what are their personalities and backstories like?

101. # B. Macon 02 Mar 2009 at 4:04 pm

     Brittany, five separate areas is a lot of ground to cover in a novel. You might find it easier to work with something like three: two to explain where the heroes come from and one to explain where the villain(s) come from.

102. # B. Macon 02 Mar 2009 at 4:09 pm

     @Brittany and Ragged Boy: I think it can be cheesy to name a hero after his powers, but it can be done well. For example, Fire Boy or Mr. Fire would be awful, but I think that Pyro or Firestarter would be ok.

103. # Wadeon 02 Mar 2009 at 5:27 pm

     Thanks a lot. Well, so far I thought of this. It’s about five teens from fifteen to sixteen that go to the same school. They are all very different. There’s Dan, who is popular, smart and handsome but is very arrogant and a bit of a sociopath. Jake is a rebellious and criminal teen. Emma is sweet and naive, while Stacy is enigmatic, elusive and desirable. Lastly, Will is Dan’s friend, an unconfident and weird day-dreamer. There are other elements like the genetic research company Honex. I’m having some problems with the powers and origins, partly because there are so many powers to choose from. It’s really hard.

104. # Wadeon 02 Mar 2009 at 5:33 pm

     Here’s Wills and Jakes character file.

     Name Will Edward Thompson
     Age 16
     Ethnic White British
     Height 5.5
     Weight Seven stones
     Looks Short brown hair, Green grey eyes
     Habits Reading, Quoting from mythological and historical people
     Motto ‘Acuna matata’
     Will is a nice carefree guy with so much unstable and chaotic things in his live Will has learnt to simply not to worry. Will is very curious of things and has a hunger for knowledge and understanding of the world and his place in it. Will often acts randomly and comes across as weird to many. Will struggles with school and home and often hero worships his friend Dan

     Name Jake Marcus Cook
     Age 15
     Ethnic White British
     Height 5.6
     Weight Five stone
     Looks Short spiky blond hair, grim face, brown eyes Small scar over eyebrow
     Habits Cracking knuckles, burn things
     Motto ‘Life is for living’
     Jake is a rebellious boy with so much mixed up emotions that he rebels against everything he hates school and just wishes he could leave. Jake comes from a destructive home his father is in jail his mother a drunkard and his aggressive step father often fight with Jake an his sisters. He doesn’t think of things has rights and wrongs since he feels that the has things has right or wrong since he has faced a lot of injustice in his life. Jake is very athletic since he spends his time playing football with his friends and free running.

105. # B. Macon 02 Mar 2009 at 6:44 pm

     Ok, the first (and most cliche) thing that comes to mind for Jake is something fueled by anger (like the Hulk) or something fiery. Since those would be cliche, what would you think about agility or maybe superior speed instead? (After all, he is kind of athletic and likes free-running). If you wanted to add something exotic, I’d give him something a little bit creepy, since he’s kind of on the rougher side of life. Maybe something fear-related or mental [UPDATE: Ragged Boy mentioned shadow-control below. I think that would work, too].
     
     For Will, the most cliche things that come to mind are something mental or something based on water or air. Luck-based powers are always tricky, but I think luck might work for him because he seems like a guy that is ok leaving things to chance. Also, I notice that you describe he acts a bit random, and that suggests that even his behavior depends on probability. Alternately, you could go for a techy-kind of theme, since he loves information, but he doesn’t seem like a science nerd.

106. # Ragged Boyon 02 Mar 2009 at 6:44 pm

     Ola Wade!

     So far I’m not sure who is the main character, or if there is one at all. I think their personalities are workable, if not a little generic. Generally, most groups have the moody/rebellious kid, the charmer, and the weirdo. This is okay and has worked before, but isn’t all that fresh. I suggest slightly unexpected tweaks on the personalities. We’ve seen the troubled teen, but what about a troubled teen that escapes into books. I’d find it pretty interesting to read about a rebellious character who is always reading books about peaceful times.

     As for Jake’s powers I’m think soemthing along the lines of:
     Heat control
     Shapeshifting
     Shadow form and shadow control

     As for Will:

     Construct conjuring (creating objects)
     Biokinetic control (can boost his bodies physical ability o someone elses)
     Earth control

     I’m not good at coming up with powers that aren’t exotic, sorry. Maybe some of these can give you ideas. I think B. Mac may be able to help you better with coming up with powers.

107. # Brittanyon 03 Mar 2009 at 6:38 am

     One of my characters was fused together with his dog. I named him Dire after the Dire wolf of the Ice Age. They got as big as horses, which is how big Dire gets. See how his name relates to his power of transforming into a huge dog.

108. # Wadeon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:05 am

     Thanks for the ideas. I like the shadow form for Jake, and I had an idea that maybe he has time controlling it. [EDITOR: ?]
     
     I had an idea for Will based on what RB said about biokinetic power. I thought of giving Will telekinesis but using in a different way, like being able to give him superstrength and durability and flight. What do you think? Here are character profiles for Dan and Emma.
     
     Name: Danny Aaron Simons
     Age: 16
     Ethnicity: White British/French
     Height: 5.6
     Weight: six stone
     Looks: black hair/icy blue eyes/handsome
     Habits: sarcasm and manipulating
     Motto ‘the only thing we need to know is survival’
     
     Dan seems to be every parent’s dream: he is very handsome, one of the most popular boys in his town, does very well in school, and many of the girls in his town would give anything to date him. There is a dark side to his personality, however. The flip side of Dan charm and self-confidence is an arrogant belief in his own superiority, but no one seems to notice. Teachers, friends’ parents, schoolmates and girls all idolise him despite his sociopathic tendencies. He often plays cruel games with his family and friends, in particular those closest to him like his girlfriend and his best friend Will.

     Name: Emma Louis Queen
     Age: 15
     Ethnicity: white American immigrated to England
     Height: 5.4
     Weight: 4 stone
     Looks: honey blond hair, big blue eyes
     Habits: twirling hair, singing out loud
     Motto ‘LOL’
     Emma is naïve and sweet and sometimes a bit dim. She comes from a wealthy and powerful family that migrated from America. Emma’s father is a utterly ruthless domineering cold man who often tries to make his children complete for his attention. Emma doesn’t understand this so she simply does not do. [EDITOR: ?] She is the youngest of her siblings and does not get along with her sister, who is more like her father. She’s close to her homosexual brother. Even though she is the ‘good girl’ she has a sweet tooth for naughtiness which is often brought in her by her best friend Stacy.

109. # Holliequon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:08 am

     @Wade, on characters:

     I had a long-ish post yesterday about Will and Jake’s personalities but it wouldn’t post. >.< So this is the shortened version:

     Will: He came across as optimistic and carefree, and a bit socially inept (hero-worshipping your best friend isn’t typical for boys that age, in my experience). I think this is a good start, but I’d recommend adding a few flaws to the mix. What do you think about making giving Will really low self-esteem, dependant nature, over-cautious?

     Jake: I think Jake has less going for him than Will at the moment. He’s rebellious and angry, and that’s all I can gather right now. He doesn’t seem like the sort of character who would have many friends or trust people easily. For tweaking his personality and making him a bit more likable, what do you think of his family situation making him a person who tries to uphold justice? Instead of only acting for himself, he might be a fair to everybody, because that’s something that he didn’t get. I think this is unusual but could work. What do you think?

110. # Holliequon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:18 am

     I like Dan’s dark side. However, I worry that it might make him a bit unlikable. If he’s one of the main characters of your story, it’s important that the audience can sympathise with him. What do you think of tweaking his personality a little? Maybe he feels people only like him because of his superficial qualities, the looks, grades and so on – how do you feel about him being ‘cruel’ to people he believes don’t look past the surface. To those that do (like Will and the girlfriend), he is much nicer to and he cares for them a lot. What do you think?

     Emma I don’t like as much, although she has good qualities. I think her sweet and innocent nature would come across similarly to Will’s optimism and carefree attitude. What do you think of making her more aloof, jaded and/or sarcastic? I think this could help make her character more unique. Also, it would make her ’sweet tooth for naughtiness’ (?!) less of a surprise. I think currently, it could seem like she’s being manipulated by her best friend. What do you think?

111. # Wadeon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:21 am

     Thanks. The characters do a bit of tweaking. Will is supposed to be the nice carefree guy who has got self confidence problems, which is why he often ignores what Dan does even though he doesn’t agree with it. I am thinking though of making Will’s flaw the inability to express himself since he’s too worried about what might happen.
     
     Jake needs some changes. I didn’t mean him to across as the bad guy… he’s just a really troubled teen with a lot in his life. I could change him into a more friendly character. Thank you for your comments.

112. # Wadeon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:27 am

     Dan will have some better qualities but my plan for him was that he starts to grow more of an understanding of what the conquences of his darker ways are and how much he undervalues his bestfriend and girl friend as story progresses.

     emma needs most work i couldn’t really explain what she is like i wanted her to have the image of nice character but also have dark qualities but making sure she does’nt seem like the other characters could you help me

113. # Holliequon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:36 am

     Nice character with dark qualities, okay. Well, I would recommend avoiding innocent in that case, except as a pretence. You might make her friendly, but maybe a bit pessimistic as a contrast to Will’s optimism. Also, maybe she’s the sort of character who expects people to return favours. It might also help to make her a bit distant from everyone but her close friends, but still nice to them. (If someone says hello she might smile and say hello back, but neglect further conversation, for example.)

     What do you think?

114. # Wadeon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:41 am

     This is the last of the five characters.
     
     Name: Stacy Elizabeth Stone
     Age: 16
     Ethnicity: white English
     Height: 5.5
     Weight: five stone
     Appearance: long raven coloured hair, sapphire coloured eyes, stunningly attractive
     Habits: reading poetry, smoking
     Motto ‘who needs a motto’
     
     Stacy is enigmatic and elusive. She’s like the queen bee– intelligent, beautiful, in control of herself and totally independent. She can be very impulsive at times from bunking school to kissing random boys. She often sneaks out at night to go to parties. She’s her own person and doesn’t follow trends. Her best friend is Emma who in some ways gives the cool and detached Stacy a heart. Her parents and teacher often worry for her as she is very strange and mysterious. Often she wears skimpy sexy outfits to got out with and often flirts and seduces people. There is no one who fully understands this strange girl, which often leads many people to avoid her.

115. # Wadeon 03 Mar 2009 at 9:43 am

     Now that you know the characters, can you help me with their powers? Maybe mixing the classical and exotic types.

116. # Chi.Rhoon 03 Mar 2009 at 10:00 am

     Wade- maybe you could have Emma struggle with trying to be a good girl. When she does things that are considered bad she uses her family as an excuse. Because they aren’t perfect why should she have to be perfect. That way she would appear innocent but when the opportunity arises to “act up” she does.
     
     Does that make sense?

117. # Wadeon 03 Mar 2009 at 5:57 pm

     Name Will Edward Thompson
     Age 16
     Ethnic White British
     Height 5.5
     Weight Seven stones
     Looks Short brown hair, Green grey eyes
     Habits Reading, Quoting from mythological and historical people
     Motto ‘Akuna matata’
     
     Will is a pleasant, carefree guy. With so many unstable and chaotic things in his life, Will has learned to simply not worry. Will is very curious and hungers for knowledge and and to understand the world and his place in it. Will often acts randomly and comes across as weird to many. Will has self-esteem and confidence issues. He often feels that things are out of his control. Will doubts himself often. Even though he has friends, he often feels alone. He’s uncomfortable with sentimental things. Unlike his friends, Will believes in destiny and often feels he’s meant to do something great or terrible to change the world. Will struggles with school and home. He often ignores his best friend Dan’s darker ways.

118. # Wingson 03 Mar 2009 at 6:35 pm

     Stacey should have an out-of-the-way power, something unusual…
     
     Possession might be good…
     
     Shadows are probably best for Jake, good work RB…
     
     Nature might work for Emma, not so sure on her…
     
     As to Dan, I’m not a fan. I’ve met too many real people like him, he seems too villainous at the moment. Give him something physical.
     
     I’m actually a blank on Will.
     
     This help any?
     
     - Wings

119. # Wingson 03 Mar 2009 at 6:45 pm

     Idea for Will!

     When I first think of his character I get the same idea: mental. But that is too cliche for me.

     Illusions might be the right fit for the guy. You mention that he is “a carefree guy with many unstable and chaotic things in his life”. If he is the sort to try and not worry about it, than he’d probably want a sort of escape. Therefore, illusions if he is used to trying to pretend something isn’t there or, if you’re daring, pretending that something else IS there).

     Does this make sense?

     And I didn’t mean to be so harsh on Dan. He really needs to have a little kindness though.

     - Wings the Apologetic

120. # Ragged Boyon 03 Mar 2009 at 7:51 pm

     Illusions may be hard to choreograph in a novel. I’d recommend something more combat friendly. Telekinesis, psionic bolts, or mental lightning could work well.

     I also think possession is a combat lacking ability. Oddly, for Stacy I’m feeling like something smooth and weird is in order. Maybe her body can produce spores that can be used for things like seduction/control, knocking things out, concentrated spore blasts, etc.

     I liked B. Mac’s suggestion for luck based powers for Will, they could be tricky though. I suspect you would need to make his control intentional. For example, Jinx from Teen Titans fired rays that manipulated luck. You could give him an extendable aura of good luck, to make his scenes more high stakes you could have his control fluctuate. It would be bland if he lucked his way out in every situation. I would also recommend another combat friendly ability, maybe super-agility.

     For Dan, being that he’s a showoff, he needs something to show off. I recommend something similar to Colossus of The X-Men. He can generate a metal skin, and has super strength. As a tweak, his skin transformation is limited to his hands and lower legs and feet until he gets stronger. Also, instead of his skin turning to metal they turn into large metal gauntlets and boots. They would be heavy, but this wouldn’t be a problem a he would have super-strength. This could also work later in your book as a weakness for him.

     As for Emma, I’m thinking hair control, definitely hair control. She can rapidly grow her hair and use it for a number of tasks. I think it would go well with her tendency to twist her hair.

121. # Stefan the Exploding Manon 04 Mar 2009 at 4:39 am

     Are sound-based abilities too cliche for Emma? I saw that she liked singing out loud and the first thing that came to my mind was a scene in which she accidentally destroyed part of a building by involuntarily using her powers while singing.

     For Jake, the first power I thought of was pyrokinesis, or maybe he turns into fire, like the Human Torch from Fantastic Four.

     Will is carefree and doesn’t worry much so maybe his power should be something that helps him with that, like he could be imprevious to harm or have unbreakable skin.

     I’m thinking shapeshifter for Stacey, since she’s very independent and doesn’t seem to follow trends. Maybe that’s too obvious.

     I’ve got nothing for Dan that would top RB’s suggestion. That was the best idea for Dan so far.

122. # B. Macon 04 Mar 2009 at 5:50 am

     Yeah, fire was one of the first things that came to mind for Jake. I think hot-headed fire elementalists are a bit too obvious, though.
     
     I like the idea of making Will very durable. (Or maybe elastic).
     
     I agree that shadow-control is a very thematically sound power for Dan. However, it might be hard to choreograph in a novel. (But not impossible. For example, see the supervillainess Pity in Spiderman and the Sinister Six).

123. # Wadeon 04 Mar 2009 at 12:06 pm

     tHANKS for the ideas

     using what RB said and give Stacy some sort of pheromones manipluation
     Emma with sound manipluation i think fits but i thought ot wound cool boost power so she can do more than scream maybe some sort of superhhearing

     Will with inpentrable skin would really cool but i think shoud a secondary but strength since strength an durable i think as been over done any ideas

     Jake with ice sounds cool

     Dan still not sure

124. # Holliequon 04 Mar 2009 at 12:58 pm

     Emma with sound manipulation/screaming and superhearing is pretty sound, I think. (Maybe she wanders around with her headphones in all the time to block out distant sounds, haha).

     Durability for Will seems to fit. Hmm. For a secondary power, what do you think about super-reflexes/agility?

     Ice for Jake is also pretty good. I think earth could also fit, if you prefer that.

     For Dan, what about flight? As a side-power, something like poisons or acid? (I’m not sure those gel too well, though – maybe if his pseudonym was something serpent-ish.)

125. # Wadeon 04 Mar 2009 at 1:25 pm

     What about innate ability as Dan’s secondary power?

126. # B. Macon 04 Mar 2009 at 1:39 pm

     Innate ability? I’m not sure I understand.

127. # Wadeon 04 Mar 2009 at 3:33 pm

     Ok, thanks everybody. I know who has which power now.
     
     Jake-ice, resistance to cold,heat drain- meaning he can take in all the surrounding heat
     

     Dan-flying, innate ability to master physical arts (like martial arts, sports, etc.)
     
     Stacy-pheromone manipulation
     
     Emma-sound manipulation
     
     Will-Telekinesis, durability

128. # Chi.Rhoon 05 Mar 2009 at 7:42 pm

     What kind of weaknesses would a character have if he is impervious to harm or invulnerable? I know a lot of characters with that ability are highly susceptible to telepathy. I was trying to think of something somewhat different though.

129. # B. Macon 05 Mar 2009 at 9:35 pm

     I’d recommend have him not be totally invulnerable. Even Superman gets physically overwhelmed occasionally.
     
     He could have a point of vulnerability. For example, Achilles had his heel and Sylar can be harmed in the back of the neck.
     
     He might have an exotic weakness. Hopefully something less exotic than kryptonite, though. For example, Agent Orange deals with cold very poorly (he’s a reptile, after all).

130. # Ragged Boyon 06 Mar 2009 at 9:18 am

     I like a selective point of weakness. Although, you’d need a villain with good perception to notice the weak spot.
     
     Alternatively, you could give him a time parameter. He can only have his invulnerability for a set amount of time before having to recharge the power.

131. # B. Macon 06 Mar 2009 at 9:40 am

     I really like time restrictions, but could you smoothly apply a time restriction to something like invulnerability? Unless the invulnerability comes along with some sort of transformation (like Colossus turning himself into steel, or Bruce Banner becoming the Hulk), my guess is that it might feel flimsy. For a time restriction to work, readers usually need to see that the power requires a substantial amount of effort to sustain. Visually speaking, that pretty much requires some sort of transformation. Otherwise, it’d be hard to tell whether he was actually invulnerable or not in a given panel.

132. # Alyssaon 09 Mar 2009 at 3:39 pm

     Um. I’m doing a character with animal abilities. Like she can mimic animal abilities and sounds for example: an ants strength, dog’s bark etc, but i cannt think of a code name for her without it sound lame. Can you guys help me?

133. # Holliequon 09 Mar 2009 at 3:55 pm

     Maybe instead of basing it on her powers, you could base it on her origin story or motivations?

134. # Alyssaon 09 Mar 2009 at 4:15 pm

     How would i do that? and thank you for the advice

135. # Holliequon 09 Mar 2009 at 4:19 pm

     Well, for example, if her origin story was something to do with some sort of experiment into human genetics you might give her a genetic-themed name. If she works for the government, she might have an official-sounding name. If she’s more of a vigilante, she might have a name based on ‘justice’ or ‘hero’ or something like that.

     I’m not very good at thinking up names, sorry. Some of the other contributors might be able to help you more.

136. # Ragged Boyon 09 Mar 2009 at 4:34 pm

     What’s the character’s personality like? For example, my character has water powers but he’s called Showtime because he loves to act. His name focuses on his personality rather than his actual abilities.

     I’m not really sure of alot of animal-esque names for your character. You could name her after her favorite animal.

137. # Alyssaon 09 Mar 2009 at 6:53 pm

     She’s made fun of a lot and often she is very quiet, and never utters a word. However when someone places danger on her, like let’s say challenges her to a fight, a new side of her is seen. When she fights its almost as if something else has taken over her, she becomes well savage. But that’s only in battle.

138. # Alyssaon 09 Mar 2009 at 7:00 pm

     Oh I get it, cause her shift in personality when fighting? That sounds cool.

139. # Dforceon 09 Mar 2009 at 7:51 pm

     Touché, good sir. But won’t differentiating her from other superheroe names give her an edge and an identity? How about Captain Dua? (lol; I know, that’s terrible)…

     I got one more if that one doesn’t fit: Latin alius, meaning “other,” (in this case, as in someone else). Alius. Lius. Alius Girl.

     (I personally still like Dua, though… but that’s just me).

140. # Dforceon 09 Mar 2009 at 8:20 pm

     lol names! He he. You should have a look at the article on the site about naming your characters, superhero or otherwise. It might help you choose better than having random names thrown at you. (Unless of course you already looked at it).

141. # Ragged Boyon 09 Mar 2009 at 8:21 pm

     Alius sounds a little better. I think Alius Girl sounds weird with the addition of “Girl.”
     Names that suggest gender are pretty dated and are usually cheesy.

     I suspect it’s pronounce like the word “alias.”

142. # Alyssaon 09 Mar 2009 at 8:36 pm

     I think I’ve settled on a name. Thank you guys.

     Now, i have another one lol. This one, is a girl as well and she can control all aspects of a living creature’s biological make-up like healing, remove imperfections etc. And she’s somewhat evil. She believes in justice but she takes it to her own hands. She puts on a tough exterior to cover up her insecurities and lonliness (sp). She fights ruthlessly, and sometimes puts innocent bystanders’ lives at stake.

     Is that enough info or no?

143. # Ragged Boyon 09 Mar 2009 at 9:18 pm

     I really like her powers, I have a character with a similar ability. I think this describe her mode of operation. But, it doesn’t necessarily describe her personality. Why is she lonely and insecure? Why does she take justice into her own hands?

     As for names, I’m kind of blanking. I’m thinking Lady Perfection or just Perfection.

144. # Dforceon 09 Mar 2009 at 9:29 pm

     I’d like to know one more thing: Does she give herself the alias, or do others give her her name?

145. # Alyssaon 09 Mar 2009 at 9:48 pm

     Ok uh I’m gonna say she gives herself the alias.

     Oh right right I forgot to put that. Ok, her name is Sara. Now, Sara wasn’t brought up in the nicest home. Her mother was a drunk and her father was dead. After being taken by child services, at the age of 7 she was put into an adoption center. Due to her “old” age not that many people wanted her so she began to feel insecure. At 15 when she was adopted the family already had other children. Their children treated her mean except for the oldest. A 17 year old girl. They became friends and for the first time she was happy. However, one night her adopted parents found both girls in a position two girls shouldn’t be in (I don’t have to get into detail do I?). The daughter blamed Sara and that she was “forced”. The parents kicked Sara out to the street and since that event Sara doesn’t trust others and has started to act negatively toward others.

     Is that good?

146. # Chi.Rhoon 09 Mar 2009 at 11:52 pm

     I like that idea Alyssa…Sara sounds really interesting to me. Maybe if you wanted to name her based on the fact that she is angry towards people. Animus (bad blood), scorn, malice, etc.

147. # Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 9:31 am

     If she thinks she’s giving out a form of justice, I might suggest something Law-ish. I think something like Judge Malice would be a bit cheesy though.

     I’m not sure names like Scorn or Malice would work. I don’t think this character sees herself in that way.

148. # Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 1:58 pm

     I found a pretty good power list, which even tells which (well-known only) heroes already have that power. That way, you can stay away from overused powers.

     http://www.superherodb.com/powers.php

     It also gives a short description and the proper name (for instance- weather control = atmokinesis).

     hope this helps

     - Wings Wings Wings

149. # Jacobon 10 Mar 2009 at 2:44 pm

     Atmokinesis? Cryokinesis? Readers would probably benefit from names that are easier to understand, like “weather control” or “ice control” or whatever. If there’s no easy way to describe what you have in mind, then I’d recommend making up a simple phrase. For example, “spider-sense” requires some explanation, but after that it’s fairly intuitive.

150. # Tomon 10 Mar 2009 at 3:23 pm

     Wow, that was a pretty definitive list of superpowers. I loved how they had a character from Heroes who was only there for 2 episodes under ‘underwater breathing’!

151. # Gingeron 10 Mar 2009 at 5:24 pm

     I have a story about a girl with superpowers who has to fight her dad (the bad guy). I need powers and weaknesses and names(Whew!). Help!!

     (P.S. Thinking about Energy Manipulation for girl)

152. # Ragged Boyon 11 Mar 2009 at 7:22 pm

     I made up a new character recently. Here’s his bio sheet:

     Name: Jackson Gray

     Alter ego: The Facade (What do you think the availability on that name is?)

     Age: 20 (my first adult protagonist)

     Ethnicity: African American

     Profession: (You guys are going to hate me, haha) Model

     Abilities: None of his own. Uses an illegal drug known as Neon, allowing him:

     -A parameter of perfect perception via peak senses.

     -enhanced physical ability i.e flexibility, dexterity, speed, and reflexes.

     -slight persuasion, enough so to make a person drop their guard for a second or spill a secret.

     Personality: Coming Soon…

     Backstory : Unlike most superhero stories, Jackson’s world has been drastically effected by the existence of “superheroes”, like the Watchmen (I’m not sure to what extent yet). Although, no one actually has powers, technology, genetics, and chemistry have yielded people with above human potential. I’m thinking of using a modified New York as the setting.

     Introduction to Neon, The Super-Drug : The story starts with Jackson, a party-boy, at a less-than-upscale fashion party in a secluded V.I.P lounge with head fashion designers. The fashion heads are discussing a new line of superhero attire and want Jackson (the model, not the superhero) to be their spokesmodel. In order to avoid legal complications (pretending to be a superhero is illegal) they want him to really be “super,” thus, they offer him his first dose of Neon, a new drug. The impressionable Jackson being new in the industry feels this could be his big break and, despite reluctance, accepts.

     Everything Goes Wrong : While injecting, a bomb goes off in the building, forcing Jackson to drop the needle and hurry to get out, he only takes about a quarter dose. Leaving the building he confronts one of the attackers. Having such a small dose, he only has a slightly increased perception. He battles it out in the crumbling building…

     As you can see it still needs fleshing out. As you can also probably see this is a more mature story.

     Suggestions?Opinions? See any flaws?

153. # B. Macon 12 Mar 2009 at 11:06 am

     It would be very unusual for a hero’s origin story to stem from taking drugs. It might make him unlikable.
     
     Also, drugs are fairly easy to duplicate, so they tend to lend themselves more to making faceless mobs of mooks than an exceptional hero… the hero’s origin isn’t always individualized, but usually it has at least an individual component. For example, Wolverine isn’t just a part of the mutant mass-origin, he also had some bionic modifications as part of a military experiment.
     
     It seems like a kind of convoluted origin story. Let’s see. The fashion designers are worried about getting busted for charges of impersonating a superhero. So they give him drugs to make him a superhero. First, isn’t giving him the drugs also a crime? If impersonating a superhero is a crime, is making a superhero a crime? Second, how widely available are these drugs? Are they something that a fashion designer would have easy access to in your world? I mean, I think it’d be more plausible for someone like Norman Osborne or Jacob Mallow to have body-altering drugs than a team of fashionistas.
     
     What’s his personality like? What’s his goal?

154. # Wingson 12 Mar 2009 at 11:12 am

     You’re welcome!

     Hmmm….

     On the bright side, powers from a drug is definitely not overused….

     But it might be hard to make some stupid kids remember that this is fantasy (I hope you know what I mean here).

     - Wings

155. # Ragged Boyon 12 Mar 2009 at 5:54 pm

     Hmm, you raise a bunch of good points, I’m glad you did. Let’s see if we can’t rework some issues or at least tie up some loose ends:

     I suspect using his drug to help people may make him a little more likeable, but this is still an issue. I’m guessing parents would say that I’m implying that drugs are okay if you’re helping people.

     I was pretty set on the drug-related powers, I suspect I could soften it up a bit by making the drug a pill instead of an injection. So, I’ll just have to rework this to make it more feasible. I’m struggling on a way to introduce him to the drug and then continually supply him the drug. I think I’m going to somewhat scrap “the fashion team giving the drug” idea.

     No, The drug will not be widely available, I did consider that. I still have alot to flesh out. Off my head I’d say, he has access to a lab at his college, in the lab he knows people that can produce the drug. Hmm, I’m not feeling that. I’ll work on it.

     Yes, drugs are still illegal, this is important to the story. I hadn’t thought about the legalities of “making” a superhero. I suspect it would be elusively legal, no one ever questions a superhero’s origin after they become the superhero, except a few investigative journalists.

     He’s somewhat individualized because only a few people have access to the drug, Jackson is the only actual user and through conditioning Jackson’s reaction to the drug is mostly positive, whereas other may just get high. Most people with superpowers got them another way.

     What do you think?

156. # B. Macon 12 Mar 2009 at 6:24 pm

     “I suspect using his drug to help people may make him a little more likable, but this is still an issue. I’m guessing parents would say that I’m implying that drugs are okay if you’re helping people.”
     
     Hmm. If this is aimed at 18+ readers, I’d be less concerned about parents (because they aren’t really involved) than publishers and the readers themselves. Speaking only for myself, I’d be a bit annoyed by a comic that seems to present the message “good things come of drugs.” In contrast, Daredevil got his powers by throwing himself in the way of a truck to save someone… Hal was chosen as the Green Lantern because of his moral character… Static Shock only escaped the worst of the chemical explosion because he runs away from the gang-fight early, etc.
     
     Using a pill that has to be resupplied might raise chosen one issues. Why does his supplier choose him instead of someone else off the street? My guess is that the most interesting reason would be something sinister, particularly if drugs are involved. For example, he’s being set up as a fall guy so that the supplier can eventually use Facade’s identity to commit crimes. Or one mob boss bets against another that the desire for power is so deeply rooted in the human psyche that someone with powers will always abuse that power. So the more optimistic mob boss picks Jackson because he has a few traits that suggest that he is the most likely candidate not to abuse the power. (Some candidate traits: he’s kind of ditzy and not particularly cunning… he’s friendly… he’s not ambitious… compared to any other model, he’s a paragon of self-restraint and sobriety, etc.)

157. # Dforceon 12 Mar 2009 at 6:44 pm

     Wow. Intense stuff from everybody here…

     Lemme be devil’s advocate and try to defend the drug issue. Aren’t medicines a form of drug? And don’t they help people too? As for the origin of manipulation of the drugs by their manufacturers, I can’t give you a better option than what is here, but you should consider medicine as a drug, too. Maybe a sketchy doctor was approached by the modeling agency to test the drug? I dunno…

158. # Holliequon 12 Mar 2009 at 6:50 pm

     You could take it the other way entirely . . . and make Facade a bad guy. The company gives him the drug, he starts off helping people, but then he starts into a slow cycle of villainy.

     I don’t think that would give any ‘drugs are good’ messages. It just might be hard to market/write. :S

159. # Holliequon 12 Mar 2009 at 6:58 pm

     Dforce’s suggestion could also work. I think that if you went with that angle, it would be important to get Facade OFF the drugs before he fights people.

160. # Ragged Boyon 12 Mar 2009 at 7:27 pm

     Eh, I don’t want him to be a villain. I’ll worry about it later, as of now I’m stowing it away in my Literary Scrapyard, to focus on Adrian. I don’t have the mental capacity to focus on both at once, especially since one need major development and I’m not in the most creative mood.

     Thanks for the input though.

161. # Chi.Rhoon 13 Mar 2009 at 8:50 am

     What kind of limitations would you put on a memory manipulator so that they wouldn’t seem too powerful? I mean for a person that can create/alter/delete memories. Thanks.

162. # B. Macon 13 Mar 2009 at 9:33 am

     I don’t think that the character would likely be overpowered, given that his powers seem kind of useless in combat. The problem is that memory manipulation is confusing and usually unsatisfying. (See #4 here). For example, a regular superhero has to use cunning and guile to protect his secret identity. That’s interesting! A psychic that can delete memories doesn’t really have much on the line when it comes to protecting his secret identity. Having the ability to erase memories makes the stakes much lower.
     
     Here are some limitations you could use to shake things up.
     –The psychic can only delete memories with the consent of the target. (This will force him to use persuasion or maybe coercion rather than just rely on his power. When a hero just relies on a power without any adding any sort of creativity or cunning, it tends to be unsatisfying).
     –The psychic can only delete memories he knows about. This will force him to do some investigation on his own.
     –Be really careful with the ability to add memories. That power tends to be confusing as hell. Who remembers which fake memories? It’ll probably be hard for readers to keep it all together.
     –A distance restriction. If the hero has to touch the target to use his power, it might make things more interesting. Also, if the power looks really unpleasant and makes the target start convulsing or act similarly agitated, it would probably be more interesting. What does the hero do if the target is in broad daylight? That’s an obstacle that will give you an opportunity to let the hero try a creative solution.

163. # Chi.Rhoon 13 Mar 2009 at 11:00 am

     What are some cool ways to put a twist on teleportation? I was thinking about a character who can teleport through shadows. But do you guys have any other ideas that maybe cool? Like mirrors or water. I might make a character who can teleport through water. That would be tight, now that I think about it.

164. # Tomon 13 Mar 2009 at 11:05 am

     Maybe he can only teleport through certain ‘nodes’. For example (but don’t use this example) he can only teleport through computers. I say don’t use that because almost every home has a computer nowadays so it’s not much of a restriction. But something along those lines. Maybe something totally random or crazy like he can only teleport between public swimming pools, or something ‘plausible’ like he can only teleport between TVs tuned to a certain channel. Either way, teleportation is a pretty powerful superpower so it needs some kind of restriction to keep it in check (Nightcrawler’s range is very limited, for example).

165. # Chi.Rhoon 13 Mar 2009 at 11:58 am

     Yeah, I understand. But there are also very powerful teleporters like the Vanisher (Marvel) and Misfit (DC). So I think there is some sort of balance. What kind of limitations would you put on a shadow teleporter besides distance?

166. # B. Macon 13 Mar 2009 at 12:12 pm

     Hmm. The obvious restriction would be that he can only teleport into places with shadows. (That’s not much of a problem at night, but eventually his enemies will figure out that leaving lights on all the time will screw him). He might need to have line-of-sight with the place he’s teleporting to. He might need to have visited or seen the place in question (such as in Jumper). The power may have a cooldown time, so that he can’t just instantly teleport away as soon as the going gets rough. There might be a limit on how often he could teleport.
     
     He might have problems with relativity. For example, if you jump onto a train that’s standing still, you’re fine. If you jump onto a train that’s doing 90 mph, you are going to get yourself seriously hurt. Likewise, if he teleports from an area of low-speed to an area of high-speed (or vice versa), he’s going to get slammed into something that’s moving a lot more quickly than he is. So he’d have a lot of trouble teleporting onto a plane.

167. # Chi.Rhoon 13 Mar 2009 at 1:17 pm

     Yeah, I see. But in Jumper, he didn’t have to have visited the places, right? He just had to be able to visualize it, I thought.
     
     And even when the lights are on, he still could get in because the peoples’ bodies cast shadows.

168. # B. Macon 13 Mar 2009 at 1:25 pm

     If he can teleport into a place with lights on, what’s the point of the shadow restriction? If he can essentially teleport anywhere, I’d just recommend making it teleportation a la Nightcrawler… it will require less explanation.

169. # Chi.Rhoon 13 Mar 2009 at 1:56 pm

     True. I guess I was thinking that he could jump out of shadows. So you know how you stand and the light shines on you then your shadow falls behind you…an assassin with this power could kill you extremely easily if you didn’t know about the ability. And it would be untraceable. I guess i should just make him a teleporter.

170. # Chi.Rhoon 15 Mar 2009 at 5:46 am

     I think i was just looking for a different form of teleportation and coupling that with a them of stealth. Thats why I used Shadow teleportation. Unless I’m mistaken (which happens very often), Psylocke from X-Men has this shadow teleportation ability as well. Anyways, I just wanted to make teleportation a little different.

171. # Stefan the Exploding Manon 15 Mar 2009 at 6:35 am

     What about teleportation through mirrored surfaces? I could see that having more restrictions than shadow teleportation.

172. # Ragged Boyon 15 Mar 2009 at 6:47 am

     For an exotic twist, you could have him only teleport through doorways and other openings big enough to fit a person. I suspect there are doorways pretty much everywhere, but it’s still a restriction. You could have him teleport through a doorway and then use his other stealth skills to get to the place he needs to go. At least, this would give you the ability to show his other stealth skills.

173. # Ragged Boyon 15 Mar 2009 at 6:31 pm

     When he said Wonder Woman, he meant that Wonder Woman’s lasso can make people tell the truth.

174. # Chi.Rhoon 20 Mar 2009 at 9:40 pm

     If somebody had the ability control their bio electricity inside of their bodies what kind of abilities would they have?

     And also what is biokinetic manipulation?

175. # Stefan the Exploding Manon 21 Mar 2009 at 12:53 am

     I believe biokinetic manipulation involves the control of organic matter like flesh, blood and bones, so it would be a useful power for a healer or an assassin.

     I’m not too sure about bioelectric control, though. I know sharks have an ability to sense electrical discharges to hunt their prey, because all living cells produce some kind of natural electricity. Or something like that.

176. # Tomon 21 Mar 2009 at 3:59 am

     Bioelectricity manipulation is probably the lamest superpower ever. All I can think it would do is give you the ability to give yourself a heart attack. Living things produce miniscule amounts of electricity.

     If, however, you produce superhuman amounts of bioelectricity and can control it, then you’re Electro from Spider-Man.

     And if you can control the bioelectricity of others, you can do all sorts, control nerves, cause pain, give heart attacks, re-start hearts after heart attacks. It’d be pretty fun!

177. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 21 Mar 2009 at 4:48 am

     Haha, it seems a lot of us use British spellings. Sometimes I spell recognise as recognize, but that’s only because I’m used to using both spellings. I’m going to edit any of those out by my final draft.

178. # Tomon 21 Mar 2009 at 4:53 am

     Wait, do you live in a place that uses British spellings? I mean, I know you live in a place that gets Doctor Who…

179. # Ragged Boyon 21 Mar 2009 at 5:04 am

     Whovian lives in Austrailia.

     According to Wikipedia, Gambit’s ability to charge things with energy until they explode is a form of biokinetic energy control. This is also how he levitates things.

180. # Stefan the Exploding Manon 21 Mar 2009 at 5:35 am

     I live in Singapore, so I use British spellings as well. We don’t get Doctor Who over here, unfortunately. I saw a couple of episodes when I was in England and they were fantastic.

     Generating and enhancing bioelectricity could be a more plausible explanation for an electricity manipulator, especially when there isn’t a source of electricity nearby, because that’s a common limitation for characters with electric powers.

181. # B. Macon 21 Mar 2009 at 9:55 am

     About 20% of our traffic comes from the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. About 70% comes from the US.

182. # Justiceon 25 Mar 2009 at 2:43 pm

     So, I’m writing a story that’s not a superhero story per se, but rather about somebody who has supernatural powers (in the vain of Jumper). Basically, I wanted it to be about a teenager in high school who is homosexual. I wanted to come up with a power that tied into him having to hide his sexuality and/or his quiet, reserved personality.

183. # B. Macon 25 Mar 2009 at 4:53 pm

     Would you like a review forum, Jumper?

184. # Ragged Boyon 25 Mar 2009 at 6:25 pm

     Jumper? The name says Justice.

     Ok, I’m bringing back my Masquerade story for a second. I’m changing his origin from the drug to the mask. His powers stim from a neurological boost he recieves when he puts on the mask. I’ll probably have other characters use drugs for their powers. That should clear up the controversy with the “drugs for good use” issue.

185. # Solaron 26 Mar 2009 at 3:05 pm

     I was wondering. My superhero can create mini-realities in which he can go in and also bring other people in. When he is in his created reality, he is virtually omnipotent, but I don’t know how to start it.

186. # Chi.Rhoon 27 Mar 2009 at 1:08 pm

     So I have a question. Is it possible to have characters that seem to be extremely powerful and still have a good story? My belief is that there can be a balance. Every character can’t be super powered but there would be people who have certain abilities and multiple abilities that make them more powerful than other people. So what are your thoughts on that?

187. # Chi.Rhoon 27 Mar 2009 at 1:09 pm

     And when i say every character cant be super powered i mean every character cant be superman. Which is why you have the batman and green arrows. lol

188. # Holliequon 27 Mar 2009 at 1:34 pm

     @Solar: this seems like an overpowered character. That said, I can’t offer much advice on starting your story unless you share something about the plot. What happens in the beginning of the story?

     @Chi.Ro: I think it’s possible. In fact, I believe most of Stefan’s plot revolves around this idea. Some characters are probably going to be more powerful than others. As long as the difference isn’t huge, I don’t think that would be a massive problem. Of course, the weaker characters should also be valuable.

     For the purposes of your story, I think it would be more interesting to use characters who aren’t extremely powerful. A weaker character who overcomes an adversary will probably come across as more sympathetic.

189. # Chi.Rhoon 27 Mar 2009 at 1:56 pm

     So is Superman considered a bad character because he is extremely powerful? Or the Silver Surfer for example?

190. # Holliequon 27 Mar 2009 at 1:59 pm

     I’m not very familiar with the Silver Surfer, because I’m not a comic book reader. But yes, Superman is overpowered (super-strength, -speed AND invulnerability?)

191. # Solaron 27 Mar 2009 at 2:18 pm

     I’m not sure, I think maybe, before he goes to bed one night. Due to his anger of pollution and people not really paying attention. He accidentally creates like a small white hole. He touches it and is sucked in and taken to another universe where Earth, is nothing but an apocalypticc world. He tries to get out after being pursed by bounty hunters who have become cannibals. He eventually escapes when a talking pig tells him about his powers and origin; that he is just another alien, and then he escapes.
     
     Upon getting back to his bedroom, he begins testing his powers uncontrollably, making portals to his own pocket dimensions. And then, some of his creations escape to Earth and begin rampaging and taking over. And because of all the energy he puts into them, manifests into a Dark Entity who wants total domination.
     
     Now that Earth is in ruins and run by the evil being named ‘The Consecrated’ Our hero Joseph must create new portals and gather a team of superheroes to help him return Earth back to the natural order.
     
     He also makes a dimension in which he can alter his physiology, giving himself powers.
     
     I hope that’s okay.

192. # Solaron 27 Mar 2009 at 2:23 pm

     And also, his alien race finds out about what he was doing, they considered him crazed and mentally unstable. So they also have come to Earth to put a stop to the problem he has created and him.

193. # Solaron 27 Mar 2009 at 2:25 pm

     I also have another superhero who can transform into his imagination and even bring his imagination into reality but I’m not sure if he is a cheap character.

194. # Tomon 27 Mar 2009 at 2:54 pm

     I believe there’s an anime called Haruhi something about a girl who can do anything, but she doesn’t realise it. What was it… Haruhi Suzumayi or something like that.
     
     I say that because that’s the same power as hers, kinda.

195. # Holliequon 27 Mar 2009 at 3:03 pm

     Hmm. I’m still not sure about being overpowered, but your story seems to have that sort of theme, so it might be okay.
     
     I would recommend starting with your main character (Joseph?) in his element, before he discovers his power. As for the moment when he discovers it, to place something of a limitation on his power, you might consider that he can only create these portals in windows? So, he stares at his bedroom window when he’s angry and instead of seeing the street outside, he sees a whole new world.
     
     What do you think?

196. # Lunajamniaon 27 Mar 2009 at 3:45 pm

     That sounds pretty cool. I thought of an idea similar to that–a girl finds that she can go through mirrors, and on the other side is another world (the same world, not a different world for every mirror but it could work here) and all the mirrors are in the same place in both worlds but of course the two worlds are very different.

     So mirrors could work, too–he could only be able to create portals in mirrors. I don’t think there are as many mirrors as windows and that would be more of a limitation, right?

197. # Holliequon 27 Mar 2009 at 3:50 pm

     @Tom: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. It’s a fun anime.

198. # B. Macon 27 Mar 2009 at 3:56 pm

     Could you explain what you mean by a “cheap character?”

199. # B. Macon 27 Mar 2009 at 4:02 pm

     I think Superman is overpowered. That’s problematic because it makes it hard for writers to challenge him. It’s difficult to introduce a supervillain to fight with Superman whenever your story needs an interesting fight. In contrast, a weaker hero like Batman can have fights with unpowered thugs.

     I’m not very familiar with Silver Surfer. My impression is that he’s a bit less overpowered because he relies on a surfboard that can be taken away. Also, he’s less physically handsome, which makes him a bit less of a Marty Stu.

200. # Solaron 28 Mar 2009 at 2:20 am

     Your right, Haruhi Suzumiya and mine is kinda the same

201. # Solaron 28 Mar 2009 at 2:25 am

     Great Idea

     I aslo have another superhero but he is in a class of his own

     Jack

     Jack possesses a god-like ability which may not be anything at first but proves to be one of the greatest powers ever. Jack has the ability to manifest newfound abilities and powers based of and depending on his emotions and actions/behaviour. For example due to his actions of running, he could manifest powers such as superhuman speed. Even by emotions and feelings. For example, if Jack was incredible terrified and afraid, he would manifest powers like superhuman invulnerability or an accelerated healing factor, most cases depending on his situation as well. There seems to be no limit to what powers Jack can manifest but once he acquires a superpower it cannot be removed, his powers also become a little bit more advanced every time his powers are in use. Once his new power manifests itself, Jack will glow and radiate with a white aura, symbolising his body is adjusting to the new ability. Jack can also manifest powers based of his memories or personal experiences and manipulate to his will meaning he could manifest any power as long as it revolves around his situation, the manifestation of his powers are also a way to evolve past situations. For example, if he was being bullied at school or suffocating underwater or in the vacuum of space, he would develop a power allowing him to counter this problem. Finally, Jack can manifest a power depending on his thoughts or worries. For example, if he was worried about dying he might manifest the ability to live forever or otherwise known as Immortality.

202. # Marissaon 28 Mar 2009 at 3:27 am

     I’ve actually got a character sort of like that, Solar, as far as the powers change with emotions. However, having the power always counter whatever is going wrong takes out the suspense. What good is danger if he can just suddenly have a power that counters it?

203. # B. Macon 28 Mar 2009 at 5:51 am

     If I were the editor evaluating your comic book script or novel manuscript, my main concern would be that it’d be difficult to challenge your character in a dramatic way. It’s most satisfying when a character overcomes limits that are concrete to the audience. For example, if a character’s powers only last one hour but no longer, the drama comes from whether he can get the job done in time. If the character’s powers are limited by the need to keep his secret identity hidden, then the audience knows that he has to save the day without exposing himself. For example, if Tony Stark is caught out of his Ironman suit when terrorists attack his building, he has to save the day without his suit. That will require guile, cunning and many other traits that will impress the reader.
     
     In contrast, when your hero faces a difficult situation, he doesn’t get himself out of it… his body gets him out of it. That’s not very satisfying. I’d recommend reining in his powers so that we can see what he can do.

204. # Solaron 28 Mar 2009 at 5:53 am

     Yeah your probably right.

     I’ve got another one. Tell me if this one is good.

     Crash possesses numerous abilities such as: superhuman strength, speed, stamina and durability. He also the ability to produced writing without conscious thought, being in two places at the same time, communication with animals and spirits of a people who have died experiences of being disembodied. Crash can also have visions of previous lives before current incarnation, perception of future events before they happen, manipulation of matter, space, time or energy otherwise known as Psychokinesis or telekinesis, Transfer of thoughts or emotions, especially knowing another person’s thoughts and Bodily levitation or flying.

     Due to his telekinetic powers, Crash can also

     • Speed up or slow down the naturally occurring vibrations of atoms in matter to alter temperature.
     • Aerokinesis, the telekinetic subspecialty of being able to control the movement of air molecules specifically.
     • Hydrokinesis, the telekinetic subspecialty of being able to control the movement of water molecules specifically.
     • Object deformation (including metal softening and bending).[41]
     • Influencing events.
     • Biological healing.
     • Teleportation (disappearing and reappearing elsewhere).
     • Phasing through matter.
     • Transmutation of matter. Shape-shifting.
     • Energy shield (force field).
     • Control of magnetism.
     • Control of photons (light waves/particles).
     • Thought form projection (a physically perceived person, animal, creature, object, ghostly entity, etc., created in the mind and projected into three-dimensional space and observable by others; for thought images allegedly placed on film, see Thoughtography).

     Crash can also create weapons out of his own psychic energy which can be altered to be more powerful than another weapon.

205. # B. Macon 28 Mar 2009 at 6:01 am

     Ok, hmm. It seems like you’ve got a lot going on here for one character. For a single character, I’d recommend picking maybe 2-3 of these. I suspect that 2-3 thematically linked powers would be easier to build a character around than ~15 powers that don’t seem to share much of a common theme. For example, I’m not feeling the connection between water control, influencing events, light control, shapeshifting, etc. Most popular superheroes are limited to just a few powers. (Superman is the only exception I can think of). For example, I think you could do something with telekinesis and mentally-created weaponry. Those go together pretty well.

206. # Holliequon 28 Mar 2009 at 6:01 am

     I think keeping all these incredible superpowers makes him far too powerful, but I think the idea is a great one. What do you think about him losing the powers when he no longer needs them? Practically, it would be hard to adjust to suddenly having a new superpower, and this ability would only work if he’s aware of the danger, so he would still be vulnerable.

     I would seriously recommend that he loses the powers later, though. It will be hard to challenge a character like that, and also hard for him to feel threatened. If he’s invulnerable to harm and impossible to defeat, why should readers care about him? (On a more practical level, it would be difficult to remember all the superpowers he has).

207. # Holliequon 28 Mar 2009 at 6:03 am

     Whoops, that was about Jack. I agree with B. Mac’s thoughts on Crash.

208. # Solaron 28 Mar 2009 at 6:30 am

     I just made a new story line

     Diablo is a powerful demon that belongs to the ‘Seven Demon Gods’. He is the second most powerful demon in the group. Once he was a pitiful virus who merged with a baby but eventually through war and death he began to evolve into a great demon and was taken in by the ‘Six Demon Gods’. Once rebelling against his clan, Diablo suffered a humiliating defeat and was transformed into a sword and was banished to the human world for 5million years. Humans heard of this and scattered the world to control his power, wars were raged; people died and now 5million years later, Diablo has returned to his normal form and has a change of heart, now turned to the light, Diablo protects the Earth killing demons but he also has another motto to follow: Revenge.

209. # Ragged Boyon 28 Mar 2009 at 8:36 am

     That sounds okay. I wonder though, what’s the significance of him being turned into a sword if no one ever finds him. Couldn’t they just have imprisioned him in a seal or something? I would suggest that if you make him into a sword that somebody finds him and then releases him from his prison.

210. # Solaron 28 Mar 2009 at 11:01 am

     Okay but I changed it. He was imprisoned because he fell in love with a human women. The demons took this as an insult and then beat him up.

211. # Solaron 28 Mar 2009 at 11:07 am

     I dunno, maybe because he was praying inside his prison and then he was released. But when he comes out, he sees there is a new league of more powerful demons.

     But he has the power to transform a soul into a weapon based on their characteristics.

212. # Chulanceon 28 Mar 2009 at 7:32 pm

     Hello, my name is Chulance and I’m writing a superhero novel series. I’m currently going to start book 1 soon. Anyway, I’ve been working on the plot and things like that. I had some questions about my story and things. Each of my characters have different abilities but I’ve noticed some problems about certain abilities and came with questions which I hope you can answer.
     
     My main character is supposed to end up being the strongest at the end of the story so I’ve given him the ability of power mimicry so he can copy other abilities. Now, I’ve noticed that the more abilities he copies the stronger he will become and eventually he will have a large arsenal of abilities making him unstoppable. I want him to get a large arsenal but not too early.
     
     How can I prevent him from gaining too many powers early in the series? He is a good person so he’ll try to fight villains but how can I avoid him gaining too many strong abilities, like the power to use the energy of a star or manipulating time?

213. # Chulanceon 28 Mar 2009 at 8:08 pm

     Also, how can you make someone who can manipulate time interesting? For example if armed men break in he can freeze time and leave or slow the bullets down in time. One of my antiheroes has that ability.

214. # B. Macon 29 Mar 2009 at 12:48 am

     Place a tight limit on how long he can freeze time. Maybe a minute or so.

215. # Chulanceon 29 Mar 2009 at 7:14 am

     True, it would be cool if he froze time and has a minute to get people out of a burning building in time. But I’ll increase it to 3-5 minutes.

216. # B. Macon 29 Mar 2009 at 7:31 am

     Sounds good.

217. # Tomon 29 Mar 2009 at 9:53 am

     See Peter Petrelli from Heroes for how NOT to do a mimic. By season 3 he was pretty much a Swiss army knife of superpowers. Invisibility, flight, super-strength, lightning, time manipulation, healing factor, telepathy, telekinesis, precognition. Yeah, he was unstoppable.
     
     That was a shame, because they handled his powers so well in season 1. It took him about 16 episodes to learn how to use his powers; he had to either be close to the power’s owner, or think hard about them. He had to train with Doctor Who-I mean… the Invisible Man…I mean Claud Raynes to learn how to use his powers.
     
     But they fixed his overpoweredness quite nicely in Volume 4. They made him lose all of his powers and now he can only have one ability at a time, and must touch people to take their ability. So if he hugs his brother he’ll be able to fly, but then if he slaps Matt Parkman he will lose his flying ability and be able to read minds.
     
     Yeah, power mimicry needs strong limitations.

218. # Collisionon 30 Mar 2009 at 7:36 am

     Name: Ramolian Gyro
     Alias: Collision
     Age: 22
     Powers: Invulnerability the ability to be immune to one or more forms of physical damage, durability the ability to withstand damage for a long time, superhuman strength the ability to have physical strength much higher than any human possible and also raises hi strength by absorbing others life forces, Accelerated healing the ability of to heal rapidly from any injury; the rate of recovery varies from character to character. Can sometimes result in the slowing of aging, Energy blasts Ability to expel various forms of energy from the body, Merge Ability to temporarily merge two beings into a single being, which results in a completely new and stronger being, Flight Ability to lift off the ground, to ride air currents or to fly self-propelled through the air and Teleportation Ability to move from one place to another without occupying the space in between and Immortality Ability to live forever. This may be complete immortality encompassing invulnerability, partial invulnerability to all but specific events decapitation or exposure to a specific chemical such as kryptonite
     Or simply an inability to age normally.

     Abilities: master in martial arts and master in weapons
     Occupation: Elite guardian
     Citizenship: America
     Place of Birth: Tronian
     Group Affiliation: Powerforce
     Height: 6’7
     Weight: 165 lbs
     Eyes: green
     Hair: Black
     Race: Half god

219. # Collisionon 30 Mar 2009 at 7:38 am

     Framos
     Full name: Framos Klee Môn
     Team affiliations: None
     Supporting: None
     Notable aliases: Emperor of all
     Place of birth: Merlok
     Citizenship: Merlok
     Occupation: Emperor
     Abilities: Framos as the father and creator of planet Merlok have five rings of Universes which have five different abilities; the ring of creation can create universes, galaxies, stars, solasystem and planet. The ring of life can create new life and the ring of death can end one being life. The ring of time gives him the ability of time, matter and space. The final ring of power gives him the abilities of controlling all the energies of the universe; manipulate the energy and bestowing him with the power of the cosmic which he can make himself last long over millenniums, And other abilities he can think of.
     Height: 9’7
     Weight: 890lbs
     Eyes: Purple
     Hair: Blue
     Race: Merlokian\Elder of the Universe

220. # Ragged Boyon 30 Mar 2009 at 7:48 am

     Hello, Collision.

     I’ll be blunt, Collision is WAY overpowered. How will his story be interesting if he can’t die or get hurt? Along with being immortal, which raises its own problems, he has other abilities that make him unbeatable. I doubt his fight scenes would be all that interesting. Who wants to read about a character that can’t die or even get hurt for that matter.

     Since he’s a half god, I’d recommend cutting some of the invulnerablity and the immortality all together. Maybe immortality can come once he becomes a full fledged god. He would still be overpowered, but at least then there would be drama in that he can die or lose.

     What do you think?

221. # Chulanceon 30 Mar 2009 at 5:20 pm

     B. Mac, my characters will end up strong. One villain is a reality warper and that’s the hardest ability to control. Therefore, my guy won’t have enough time to fully control it. Anyway, I’ve got strong villains and characters with one power will focus on that ability while the one with many has to pick a few he uses the most.

222. # B. Macon 30 Mar 2009 at 5:44 pm

     I’m still not sure what warping reality is or what you’d be able to do with it. If I were the editor, my concern would be that warping reality might be one of those powers where the author pretty much makes it up as he goes along. It doesn’t seem to have clearly defined limits and, even if it did, they would probably not be very intuitive to readers.

223. # Chulanceon 30 Mar 2009 at 5:51 pm

     Well the ability to manipulate reality is basically aboslute and ultimate power. Basically a reality warper can do anything or nothing. For example some reality warpers can only warp things on a limited scale like only being able to affect non living creatures that’s mainly for heroes who have the ability or heroes can gain it at the end of a series.

     Different reality warpers have different limits though my guy will have some too so he dosen’t just warp reality and the heroes are dead.

224. # Ragged Boyon 30 Mar 2009 at 5:55 pm

     “Immortality can be something like they can be killed, but they come back to life. So they still feel pain and die, but they come back more like self-resurrection.”
     
     It works a different way, but essentially, it’s still immortality. It takes a second be he can keep coming back. That sucks out the drama. A reader might say: “Wow that looks painful, oh well, he’ll come back.” It’s not very satisfying.

225. # B. Macon 30 Mar 2009 at 5:55 pm

     Hmm. Reality warping doesn’t feel like a very interesting power to me.

226. # Matton 31 Mar 2009 at 1:57 pm

     I’ve seen some comments suggesting that time travel and similar powers are very difficult to create interesting challenges from. I agree, but would this be an interesting and reasonably powered adaption? My hero has the ability to reverse time by exactly 60 seconds. Once he has done so, he may not rewind time during the new 60 seconds or the following 60 seconds to prevent him from rewinding indefinitely. Other than that, he can use this power freely. Is that too overpowered or unworkable?
     
     He’s a character in a comic series I am writing that starts as a background character in several editions before becoming a major character with his own POV comics, if that is relevant. (The series will feature self contained stories that eventually link together in the style of Wild Cards). Also, any help with the name would be appreciated. Nothing obscure, it should be fairly easy to understand but better than Do-over which feels wrong and I am sure is not written like that. Thanks.

227. # Ragged Boyon 31 Mar 2009 at 2:08 pm

     I think your restriction is a very good one. So the character has other time control abilities, I think they would need similar restrictions, like fast-forwarding 60 seconds. Sixty seconds isn’t much time to get something done, which will make it dramatic. What if the event takes place happened before or after the 60 seconds allotted? I’d recommend you expand his control just a little, but not too much. I think you’ve got a good idea going.
     
     I think this would be relatively easy to work with.
     
     I’m not great with names, but how about Tempo or Reset. Minuteman could work if you’re writing a comedy.

228. # Tomon 31 Mar 2009 at 2:31 pm

     Minutemen is the name of a disbanded superhero group in the Watchmen graphic novel, and a Disney Channel movie about three time travelers. Doubt it’s still up for grabs.

229. # Matton 31 Mar 2009 at 2:44 pm

     I’m glad you don’t think he is too overpowered, this is probably the most powerful ability in the entire cast.
     
     At the moment he is limited to rewinding but I might expand this rosta as he gains control of his powers, that’s certainly something to look into, thanks.
     
     I know 60 seconds is short but it forces him to be quick-thinking and prevents him from relying on his powers at all times. Also, the idea is less about going back and stopping things from beginning but limiting the effects having seen what happens. Perhaps increasing it to two or three minutes would be better but I’m reluctant to do much more because a lot can happen in a short amount of time and since it’s a fixed time, I would worry that readers will resent having so much time simply deleted. So I think I’ll expand the time to two minutes, thanks.
     
     It’s not a comedy but should capture some of the fun that is in Wild Cards (it’s my biggest influence). The idea is that most of their alter egos are invented by newspapers and fans so things like Minuteman are not unworkable although that would require him to clearly establish his abilities to the world. Thanks for the help. You made some good points that I need to think about a bit more.

230. # Ragged Boyon 31 Mar 2009 at 3:43 pm

     Tom, I said Minuteman, not Minutemen.

231. # Solaron 01 Apr 2009 at 11:31 am

     Matt: He SHOULD be able to use his powers freely, but make restriction on them, like the more he uses his powers. The weaker they or he becomes physically or mentally weaker/drained. I dunno, try it so it don’t seem too strong.

232. # Ragged Boyon 01 Apr 2009 at 11:37 am

     I think it’s pretty good as is. Expanding his limit to two minutes will make it easier to manage. I think the wait time is an adequate restriction that keeps the power easy to understand.
     
     I think limits are necessary on character that have a very powerful ability like time control. This keeps them from being overpowered. If he could control time at will, that would get boring because nothing is at stake. If someone gets shot, he just goes back in time and stops them. That’s boring. With the time restriction, you maintain the drama, because the hero still has to save the person in time.

233. # Matton 01 Apr 2009 at 11:44 am

     The problem with making it a physical restriction is that it becomes arbitrary. I can employ the restriction whenever I want to limit him but remove it when I want him to win. I don’t need to stay consistent and the audience will pick up on occasions where I am not. With 120 seconds he has a clear limit that is intuitive and easy for the audience to grasp. Also, this is not in the style of Superman or Spiderman where you expect the hero to be able to overcome all problems, his powers are limited so he knows he will fail sometimes because his powers are ill-suited to the challenge.
     
     Thanks for the advice, but I personally feel a time limit works better than a physical one. I’ve never been a fan of powers that tire the user because I find it hard to tell how much they need to use before they are rendered unconscious. Thanks anyway

234. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 07 Apr 2009 at 6:26 pm

     Something that could be listed above is power gained through an object. For example, the Planeteers have rings that let them control their elements, Dial H for Hero have the dial thingamabob, and in Final Fantasy X2 the three main characters use dresspheres that give them a costume and different abilities. The Planeteers probably come under elements, but FFX2 has varying abilities depending on the sphere used.

235. # Solaron 08 Apr 2009 at 10:11 am

     I have a new superhero who can turn objects and people into inanimate objects like a packet of crisp or a bar of chocolate. But I don’t know how to make a good storyline out of that. So I was wondering if you could give me something to help me.

236. # B. Macon 08 Apr 2009 at 10:31 am

     It doesn’t feel like a very interesting power. If someone gets turned into an inanimate object, he’s pretty much out of the story.
     
     Moreover, who has this power? What’s his goal? Who’s trying to stop him and why? Why should we care whether he succeeds? What’s at stake? Where and when are the story set? What’s the genre/mood of the story? Etc.
     
     Also, I’m dimly aware that there has already been a DBZ villain that had the same power.

237. # Dforceon 08 Apr 2009 at 2:23 pm

     You mean Buu?
     
     I’d like to weigh in:
     “It doesn’t feel like a very interesting power. If someone gets turned into an inanimate object, he’s pretty much out of the story.”
     –Unless it was a comedy in which the objects could still move and otherwise interact. I could see it as funny if the Big Bad was turned into a vase and was forced to continue his evil-ing as a vase. How terrifying is a vase trying to kill mankind? I say very.
     
     One thing that I read that stroke me as odd, Solar: “I have a new superhero who can turn objects and people into inanimate objects–”
     He can turn objects into other objects? I guess it could work if the hero needed a wrench and had to turn a fork into it. (Unless of course that was a typo).

238. # B. Macon 08 Apr 2009 at 3:02 pm

     Also, I don’t think it’s a power that would really suit a superhero very well. The same is mostly true of any ability that only affects someone else (whether to age him, de-age him, shrink him, swap his body with another, turn him into something else, etc). How could you do a plotline with shrinking or getting turned into a lamp? In nine out of ten cases, these stories use the following plot pattern. The hero gets zapped; the hero struggles to adjust to his new status; finally the hero uses his status as an asset to defeat the villain.
     
     I don’t know how I would do a plot where the hero can shrink someone else or turn him into an inanimate object. That’s sort of an anticlimactic way to win a fight!
     
     It would be more typical for the hero to be able to transform himself, or perhaps to transform willing targets. Shrinking Violet shrank herself, Beast Boy could turn himself into animals, etc.

239. # Tom 2on 09 Apr 2009 at 6:03 am

     My villain can absorb other powers and can keep them until he sees the original owners of the powers again. If he kills them, he keeps the power.

240. # Tom 2on 09 Apr 2009 at 10:07 am

     Is that a bit overpowered?

241. # B. Macon 09 Apr 2009 at 10:25 am

     It might be overpowered if he comes into contact with a lot of useful abilities. However, being overpowered is generally less of a problem for the villain than the hero.
     
     I’d say that the main problem is that it might be hard to keep track of all of the powers he has. That’s a problem both for the reader and the writer.
     
     “My villain can absorb other powers and can keep them until he sees the original owners of the powers again.” It might help to come up with a brief explanation for why seeing the original possessor of the power causes him to lose the power. How close does he have to be to the person to lose the power?

242. # Tomon 09 Apr 2009 at 12:47 pm

     For power absorbing villains, see Sylar from Heroes. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t. The main problem is that the writers don’t keep track of his powers.

243. # Tom 2on 09 Apr 2009 at 2:56 pm

     Because all of my origin stories are just evolution, the DNA of the original owners of the powers pulls the power back into them when they sense it.
     
     That makes the villain lose the power. But the villain keeps it indefinitely if the original user dies. Because the villain is power-crazy, he kills the people after taking their powers.

244. # Solaron 12 Apr 2009 at 12:13 pm

     I have a new hero about a boy who dies in an accidental gang war. The next morning he wakes up in his bed without a scratch. He remembers being shot, so he runs out of his house to the road and gets hit by a car but he remains unharmed. Now he is out to find his killer.
     
     The story is about a zombie boy but I don’t know what powers to give him. I was wondering if you can help me here.

245. # Tomon 12 Apr 2009 at 12:36 pm

     Well, I think ‘he can’t die’ is enough of a superpower. Despite being slightly overdone:
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadpool_(comics)
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Harkness
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolverine_(comics)
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_(Doctor_Who)

246. # Mr. Briton 12 Apr 2009 at 12:37 pm

     It seems like he already has invulnerability so I think any more powers could very easily make him overpowered. As it is, his invunerability means he can survive life threatening situations so creating tension will have to be done by threatening other characters. Giving him powers that make this easier will reduce the tension but won’t add much to the story. I’d say make him rely on his own wits and strength and leave his super powers at invulnerability. That will make the story more interesting I think.

     If you still want powers, avoid powerful ones like superstrength or superspeed and give him small things like heightened senses and reflexes. This will avoid him being overpowered.

247. # Mr. Briton 12 Apr 2009 at 12:40 pm

     Tom, technically Dr. Who can die. He just won’t. Even after number twelve is done with, he’ll come back.

248. # Tomon 12 Apr 2009 at 12:45 pm

     I know.

     Oh, how could I forget:

     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claire_Bennet
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piccolo_(Dragon_Ball)

     And anyone in this article:

     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Healing_factor

249. # B. Macon 12 Apr 2009 at 2:56 pm

     I think this zombie character should give something up every time he dies. For example, perhaps at first it’s just that he doesn’t have control over a toe. After he dies a few times, it becomes more serious. That will help increase the urgency for him to avoid dying.
     
     I agree that true invulnerability will probably make the story boring unless there are limits. If the character can’t die, the stakes are very low.

250. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 12 Apr 2009 at 5:39 pm

     I like it how Doctor Who avoids making the Doctor too overpowered and generally avoids wangstiness. He gets really weak for hours after regeneration, and his appearance changes to allow a new actor, also causing complications when he runs into people he befriended in a previous incarnation. He solves problems by being smart, but he’s also an idiot at times. In Doomsday when all the stuff happens and the Doctor even cries over it, he is distracted by Donna suddenly appearing in the TARDIS. Then he’s off on his next merry adventure, but not forgetting what happened. At least he is happy more often than he is sad.

251. # Solaron 13 Apr 2009 at 7:10 am

     I’m thinking of a hero who gets abused but I really don’t know what powers to give him.

     And for the zombie kid, he can turn breathable air into a corrosive air that turns people in zombies when breathed.

252. # B. Macon 13 Apr 2009 at 8:08 am

     I think that turning someone into a zombie is only a power if getting turned into a zombie is a bad thing. Right now, it just seems like an easy and painless way to become unkillable?

253. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 13 Apr 2009 at 8:16 am

     Braaaains… Haha.

     Perhaps they become addicted to human flesh like someone would get addicted to drugs? Or they slowly become less and less human until they are nothing but a mindless shell of their former self? Maybe friends freak out and avoid him? After all, zombies are the plague.

254. # Anonymous-Manon 13 Apr 2009 at 9:15 am

     Solar, I have a few ideas for your hero who gets abused (presumably before he becomes a superhero).
     1-He sees the crimes of all the people around him, and can cause them mental pain, somewhat like Ghost Rider’s penance stare.
     2-He can turn into a giant feral monster, like the one on the plane in Fringe.
     3-He can destabilise the molecular structure of solids, turning them into liquids. It might be funny if he accidentally liquidates his clothes.
     4-He can cause things to open, for example locked doors, bra straps or villains’ rib cages.

255. # Fitzon 13 Apr 2009 at 2:34 pm

     I’ve got an idea for a superpower. What do you think of someone who can change his weight?
     
     He can become very light and be able to jump higher and farther and do everything that lightweight objects do, and he can become heavier, making him harder to move because his body weighs more, be able to sink in water, and do all of the stuff heavier objects do. He would be able to become lightweight, jump high into the air, become heavy, and fall back down with a smash (although that would probably be painful).
     
     There are some limits. He can’t go completely weightless and float around like a balloon, and if he gets too heavy he’ll fall through the floor if in a building with multiple stories or he’ll sink into the ground. Jumping from 100 feet will still hurt like jumping from 100 feet. It will hurt more if he’s heavier because he’ll have more momentum when he hits that ground. He doesn’t get stronger when he’s heavier, which means it will be harder to lift his arms and legs and such, but he will be quicker when he’s lighter because it’s less weight to lift.
     
     What do you think of it? Is it overpowered? I’m also having trouble thinking of a weakness…

256. # B. Macon 13 Apr 2009 at 3:30 pm

     Definitely not overpowered. I’m having trouble thinking of ways that he could actually use this power, particularly in a fight.
     
     I suppose he could jump pretty far and launch himself as a heavy projectile, but I can’t think of much else he’d be able to do in combat. I suppose he could also kill a Godzilla-like creature in a spectacularly gruesome fashion by jumping onto his skull and then making himself ridiculously heavy… essentially taking an elevator through Godzilla’s brain. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what you have in mind, though. (At least, I hope not).
     
     In contrast, Spiderman’s webs and Wolverine’s claws and telekinesis strike me as more versatile abilities that can be applied to a variety of situations. It might be hard to write scenes where the hero uses his powers in an interesting and creative fashion. What do you think?

257. # Tomon 13 Apr 2009 at 3:55 pm

     I think if you removed the weightless restriction it’d be easier to work with. It would give him a mode of transportation (drifting). But, like B. Mac said, I can’t see it working well in a fight.

     But having said that, kudos for thinking of a superpower! The closest I can think of is that extra from X-Men in that one scene who went from being morbidly obese to super-skinny with a thought. But I imagine what you’re thinking of is nothing like that.

258. # Mr. Briton 13 Apr 2009 at 4:22 pm

     The closest I can think of is Hiram Worchester from Wild Cards, but he manipulated gravity so that he weighed less than he appeared. That could be a way to extend his fighting capabilities as Hiram could change the weight of any object, letting him levitate or crush foes, save people from falling and disable enemies weapons i.e. making a gun very heavy.
     
     This might be a bit far from your original idea but maybe you can adapt something similar, perhaps any mass he loses or gains, is taken or given to nearby objects. Hope this helped, I think it’s a good idea with a lot of potential

259. # Fitzon 13 Apr 2009 at 5:39 pm

     Thanks B. Mac, Tom, and Mr. Brit.

     B. Mac,

     I’m actually not sure of ways he could use his power in a fight besides launching himself as a projectile either. Maybe he could have some kind of see-saw/catapult-like thing that he jumps on to launch other objects. But still, that would limit him to launching or being launched… Do you think he should get some kind of secondary power, maybe like being able to change the weight of things he touched as well? I’m not sure how that would help though, so if anyone could help me this, it would be appreciated.

     Tom,

     I’d like to stay away from going completely weightless just because of physics (maybe I’m being to strict with following physical laws, tell me if I am). What would happen if you push something weightless? Right now, it would be impossible to tell how fast it would move, or if it would move. Maybe I’m just being too picky though.

     As for transportation, I think that just jumping long distances, which I guess is pretty similar to drifting, would work. Thanks for the suggestion though.

     Also, I’m glad you can’t think of a similar superhero. The whole reason I came up with this was because I wanted to create a new, unique, and interesting power that wasn’t completely useless.

     Mr. Brit,

     Again, glad you couldn’t think of any superheros with this exact power. I like the idea of being able to change the weight of other objects, and having to give and take his mass from other objects. I can think of a lot of situations and challenges for a guy with that. Also, it would make it slightly more of a plausible/realistic power, since it would follow one more physical law.

     Also, I’d like to clear up one thing that I’m not sure I explained well enough. When he changes weight, he stays the same size. Think of the difference between a bowling ball and a same-sized balloon. Same size. Different weights.

260. # B. Macon 13 Apr 2009 at 6:17 pm

     I’m not sure what weaknesses to give him because I can’t anticipate any situations where it will be too easy for him to succeed. Usually, weaknesses are called for when the hero’s powers make it virtually impossible for him to fail. That doesn’t seem to be the case here.

261. # collisionon 14 Apr 2009 at 8:20 am

     This is the beginning of my story. What do you think?
     
     Planet Tronian, the planet of the gods, once a powerful and peaceful empire. Full of knowledge and cultural, not a war like, violent race although all was changed in a flash. Today 12 September, the year of 3456 the planet was fighting a civil war.
     
     Civil war created by a feud of two brothers, princes of the planet Bermon and his brother Ramolian, Bermon the corrupted one, corrupted by power, greed and above all stupidity. He chose to side with the violent, dictators and warlords race of Merlokians controlled and ruled by a tyrant, foul and evil prince Oros. To overthrow his father Gyro and rule Tronian for himself this was Bermon intention all along. But one Tronian stood on his way his beloved twin brother Ramolian.
     
     ‘The soldiers are tired my lord, we suffered sever losses, we should surrender my lord’ said Captain Froth. Ramolian walked towards his captain then looked at him in his face and simply said ‘surrender is not an option soldier; I will never kneel to my brother’. The hooves of the stamped of horses carrying soldiers or demons as Ramolian calls them got closer and closer. ‘Stand ready men, this is our last stand for your families sake fight with honour’ shouted and screamed with so much spirit and hope in his voice Ramolian.
     
     ‘ What do we have here, if it is not my halfwit brother and his so called army, being prepared to be crush and humbly silenced by his much superior brother Bermon’ Bermon mocking his brother while laughing with his soldiers. ‘I love the smell of flesh blood being splattered all over this holy land of the gods and the scream of pain, suffering and despair of men, ahhhhhhhh’. Said Oros while laughing with so much wicked coming out of his cursed and corrupted voice.

262. # Solaron 15 Apr 2009 at 4:14 am

     I was thinking of a hero who can turn souls into weapons based of their characteristics. He can also separate people from their souls and absorb them, gaining their strength, intelligence and other abilities.

263. # B. Macon 15 Apr 2009 at 6:54 am

     Collision, here are a few thoughts and observations.
     –the characters are a bit two-dimensional. I’d recommend introducing at least one of the characters before launching into this scene.
     –the first sentence appears to be a fragment. I would recommend adding a verb.
     –I wouldn’t recommend using a year far in the future unless this is futuristic sci-fi. That does not appear to be the case (given that many soldiers are fighting on horseback).
     –If we’re using a fictional planet, giving us a year is probably unnecessary.
     –the conflict between the hero and the villain feels a bit bland.
     –I don’t feel that the hero is very likable yet.
     –Who’s your target audience?
     

264. # Tomon 15 Apr 2009 at 6:55 am

     Kinda like this?

     http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SpiritBomb

265. # Ragged Boyon 15 Apr 2009 at 4:33 pm

     Collision, I think your piece is okay, but it’s not very gripping for an introduction. Here are my thoughts and observations:
     
     - Generally, the first and second paragraph aren’t very interesting. The second paragraph is a bit hard to follow and kind of felt like an info-dump. It also introduced us to way too many names at once.
     
     -Severe is spelled this way.
     
     -Stampede is spelled this way.
     
     “shouted and screamed with so much spirit and hope in his voice Ramolian.”
     -This is a bit awkward. I think commanded would feel more like he’s the leader. I think you could rewrite this as “Ramolian commanded, his voice full of spirit and hope.”
     
     “What do we have here, if it is not my halfwit brother and his so called army, being prepared to be crush and humbly silenced by his much superior brother Bermon”
     - I think this is awkward and chunky. I would recommend rewriting this for reading ease.
     
     -I think you should using quotation marks (“) for dialogue, instead of apostrophes(‘).
     
     “I love the smell of flesh blood being splattered all over this holy land of the gods and the scream of pain, suffering and despair of men, ahhhhhhhh’.”
     -This is a bit awkward and I don’t understand that “ahhh” at the end. Is that laughter?
     
     -I think the main issue was that most of the writing was too awkward. I’d recommend reading over the piece and editing for things that can be said more easily.
     
     What do you think?

266. # B. Macon 15 Apr 2009 at 4:56 pm

     I share a lot of RB’s observations. In particular, I was not sure about the “ahhh.” I thought that he had been shot or something.
     
     Also, I think the story might be developing a bit too quickly. If there is a climactic battle in chapter 1, where does the story go from there? What do you have in mind?

267. # collisionon 17 Apr 2009 at 6:25 am

     Jack Cobweb
     
     Jack Cobweb was born a normal human in London, England. But when he was in the hospital he was kidnapped by a satanic cult called the Blood Clots. They then performed an evil, ancient ritual on him, causing him to be possessed by an ancient demon named Raar.
     
     The cult then returned him to his parents. Although he was not normal any more now he had something dark inside him.
     
     Jack now possesses special abilities due to what he had inside him, his powers started to work when he just five. He now could run for long without being tired and his senses have enhanced dramatically. For example, he has nightvision, x-ray vision, telescopic and microscopic vision, enhanced smell and hearing, etc.
     
     Due to his supernatural origins, he also has some supernatural abilities such as mediumship (the ability to see and communicate with the dead) and precognition (the ability to see the future). The future may come in vague dreams while he sleeps or it might manifest as a clear “danger sense.” In addition, he can possess people, resurrect after being killed, summon objects for assistance like minions from hell, manipulate fire and heat, and an immunity to fire.
     
     Finally, he has two different personalities. The demon sometimes takes control, causing Jack to take on a demonic form with its own abilities.

268. # B. Macon 17 Apr 2009 at 7:00 am

     Hmm. Here are a few thoughts and observations.
     
     1. The character sounds very similar to Jason Blood/Etrigan from DC Comics.
     
     2. He has a lot of powers, including a few that might make it hard to challenge him. In particular, I think that resurrection will sap the drama. If he can’t die, how will you endanger him?
     
     3. This isn’t relevant to his superpowers, so feel free to address this elsewhere if you’d like. What’s his personality like? In particular, how is he different from Jason Blood? If you’re not sure, feel free to see this article on developing characters.
     
     4. What’s the demon like? How is he different from (and/or more interesting than) similar characters like Etrigan?

269. # Mr. Briton 17 Apr 2009 at 7:03 am

     And his weaknesses?

     Also, the name Jack for a hero is something of a cliche in itself, but that’s not a huge problem.

270. # Tomon 17 Apr 2009 at 8:42 am

     Not a fan of ‘Blood Clots’ for the name of a satanic cult. Doesn’t sound threatening or evil.

271. # Ragged Boyon 17 Apr 2009 at 9:10 am

     The Blood Clots? I think you could come up with something that will be taken more seriously. The Blood Clots makes me giggle.

272. # Holliequon 17 Apr 2009 at 9:35 am

     I agree with what’s been said already. I think ‘Blood’ in any context is a bit cliche for a cult name.

     On a slightly irrelevant note, I’ve been randomly inspired to create a supervillain called ‘the Ripper’, inspired by Jack the Ripper.

273. # collisionon 18 Apr 2009 at 3:45 pm

     After reading your comments about my new superhero, Jack Cobweb, I might make some changes like the name of the cult.

274. # collisionon 18 Apr 2009 at 3:53 pm

     This is a new and maybe improved version of my superhero and the name of the cult.
     
     Trevor Cobweb
     
     Trevor Cobweb was born a normal human in London, England. But when he was in the hospital, he was kidnapped by a satanic cult called the Order of Satan. They then performed an evil ritual on him, so that he would be possessed by an ancient demon called Raar.
     
     The cult then returned him to his parents.
     
     Trevor now possesses special abilities. His powers started to work when he was just five. For example, now he can run for long periods without being tired and his senses are dramatically better. For example, he has night-vision, x-ray vision, telescopic and microscopic vision, enhanced smell, hearing, feel and taste.
     
     Due to his supernatural origin, he also has several supernatural abilities such as medium ship (the ability to see and communicate with the dead) and precognition (the ability to perceive the future). The future may be expressed in vague dreams while he sleeps or clearly as a form of “danger sense.” He has the ability to possess other individuals via astral travel and resurrect himself after being killed. He can summon objects for assistance, manipulate heat and fire, levitate objects, people and animals into the air, and teleportation.
     
     Because he has a demon inside of him, he is immune to heat. Finally, the demon inside Raar sometime comes out in a demonic form that has its own abilities. That means that Jack has been completely taken over by the demon when this happens, though.

275. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 18 Apr 2009 at 4:23 pm

     Trevor has a lot of powers. I’d recommend limiting him to three or four key ones, and making sure they’re linked. For example, what does summoning have to do with X-ray vision?
     
     I’d give him precognition in vague dreams, but not at will. If Trevor only sees the future when he’s asleep and the images are twisted or symbolic, then it will be more exciting as he figures it out.
     
     Being able to run long distances without getting tired is a worry. When he’s running to or from a situation, it will be hard for people to relate because his heart won’t be pounding, he won’t be sweating and his thoughts won’t be wild and erratic.
     
     Blinking could be good to keep in, but it may work better if it’s limited to places Trevor has actually been. If he can blink to anywhere at any time, much of the drama will be sucked out.
     
     Conjuring could also be a problem. He could just think of a gun and blast someone if he wanted, or imagine a super-mega death ray and destroy the enemy base. I’d recommend eliminating it.
     
     Levitation would be good if there was some form of limit. For example, perhaps he can only lift things for a short time before fainting from exhaustion. I use this kind of limit on most of my characters. If Isaac uses his powers too much he gets dizzy, nauseous, migraines and will eventually pass out if he’s overworked.
     
     Why did the cult perform a Satanic ritual on him and then return him to his family? You might want to explain it a little more. For example, maybe he was missing for days and the police tracked him to the cult through a member who had been seen hanging around suspiciously. Then they return him to his family, but don’t know about the ritual. This will feel more realistic than them just grabbing a random kid, doing their ritual and giving him back.

276. # collisionon 18 Apr 2009 at 4:26 pm

     This is in the new story I’m trying to write for my superhero Trevor. What do you think?
     
     Trevor stood there surprised again, he wondered why is he surprised this is now happening regular, the rain had just started to pour down when a black tinted jeep just parked outside the camp. “Is young Trevor here” a distinctive voice came from inside the jeep. A woman rushed from inside one of the tents and began shouting “leave my baby alone, you monsters”. A man wearing sunglasses and a full black suit stepped out the jeep, “please step out of the way and give us your son, this is your last chance madam” the man put his hands inside his jacket and pulled a desert eagle pistol. “No I won’t let you monsters, I will rather die” shouted the woman. “I warned you, this is your doing” calmly said the man before aiming at the woman head and firing his desert eagle straight at the woman head. The woman dropped to the floor, blood slowly started to drip from her head.
     
     The little boy watching from a distant suddenly runs out of the tent, screaming and crying “mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” as he heads to jeep. “Got him, he is coming straight to us told you it would work” said the man. “I would inform the Order of Satan that we have the package” said the female inside the jeep while constantly tapping on the steering wheel. “What are you doing, you know we are not supposed to mention our employee name” shouting and looking clearly upset at his colleague.

277. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 18 Apr 2009 at 4:40 pm

     “No I won’t let you monsters, I will rather die” shouted the woman.
     
     It may help to name the woman. Readers will have little or no sympathy for her if she’s just a faceless character. If this is the start, I’d recommend building up the characters of Trevor and his mother before this happens.
     
     “I warned you, this is your doing” calmly said the man before aiming at the woman head and firing his desert eagle straight at the woman head. The woman dropped to the floor, blood slowly started to drip from her head.
     
     The word “head” appears a lot here. You could easily cut it down to “He pulled out a Desert Eagle pistol, pressing the barrel against her forehead. She barely had time to take on a look of surprise before he pulled the trigger. She fell to the ground and began to bleed.”
     
     The little boy watching from a distant suddenly runs out of the tent, screaming and crying “mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” as he heads to jeep. “Got him, he is coming straight to us told you it would work” said the man. “I would inform the Order of Satan that we have the package” said the female inside the jeep while constantly tapping on the steering wheel. “What are you doing, you know we are not supposed to mention our employee name” shouting and looking clearly upset at his colleague.
     
     I’d name Trevor here. It gives him more humanity than “the little boy”.
     
     If you describe how he is running it can show his mood. He will gain a little more sympathy if he is crying and stumbling around as he tries to get to his mum.

278. # collisionon 18 Apr 2009 at 4:53 pm

     Whovian, to answer your question about why the cult performed the ritual on Trevor, they didn’t just pick a random kid. His uncle, the leader of the cult, selected him and returned him to see if the ritual worked. If it worked, he would take him again which clearly worked and that is how the boy got his powers. That means the cult will retake the boy from his parents.

279. # collisionon 18 Apr 2009 at 5:06 pm

     The ReTARDISed Whovian i saw ur comments about my story and made changes wat do u think now

     Trevor stood there surprised again, he wondered why is he surprised this is now happening regular, the rain had just started to pour down when a black tinted jeep just parked outside the camp. “Is young Trevor here” a distinctive voice came from inside the jeep. Karen rushed from inside one of the tents and began shouting “leave my baby alone, you monsters”. A man wearing sunglasses and a full black suit stepped out the jeep, “please step out of the way and give us your son, this is your last chance madam” the man put his hands inside his jacket and pulled a desert eagle pistol. “No I won’t let you monsters, I will rather die” shouted Karen. “I warned you, this is your doing” calmly said the man before pressing the pistol barrel against Karen forehead, with little time for Karen to do anything the man fired the pistol. Karen dropped to the floor, blood slowly started to drip from her head.
     Trevor watching from a distant suddenly runs out of the tent, stumbling, looking distress, screaming and crying “mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” as he heads to jeep. “Got him, he is coming straight to us told you it would work” said the man. “I would inform the Order of Satan that we have the package” said the female inside the jeep while constantly tapping on the steering wheel. “What are you doing, you know we are not supposed to mention our employee name” shouting and looking clearly upset at his colleague.
     As Trevor got to the corpse of his dead mum, he crouched down and started crying. The man who just shot his mum in cold blood walked up to him and then grabbed his arm, “get off you murderer I just saw you killing my mum” the Trevor screamed on top of his voice. “Shut up or the same thing that happened to your mum is going to happen to you” whispered the man into the boy ear, before grabbing his arm really tight and dragging him into the back of the jeep, where he throws Trevor in the boot and slammed shut the door. “Package secure, now lets get out of here” said the man to his colleague who already started the jeep.
     The jeep speed off, the body of the deceased Karen slowly washed away by the heavy rain getting rid all of the evidence.

280. # collisionon 18 Apr 2009 at 5:10 pm

     Marissa, you said you giggled at the demon Raar. You said that it was spelled wrong, but I made it up and that’s how I want it to be spelled.

281. # Marissaon 18 Apr 2009 at 5:27 pm

     No, I didn’t mean that it was spelled wrong.
     
     I meant that it sounds a lot like the word that is spelled ‘rawr’, which is the onomatopoeia of a roaring sound (like a dinosaur or something), so the fact that it’s applied to a demon amused me.

282. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 18 Apr 2009 at 5:33 pm

     It’s better, but there is still some room for improvement. Here is how I would write it:
     
     Trevor stood, surprised. He shouldn’t have been, as this was now a regular occurrence. Rain had begun to pour down as a black jeep with tinted windows parked outside the camp.
     
     “Is young Trevor here?” asked a distinctive voice from inside the vehicle. Karen ran out of a tent and began shouting at the occupants.
     
     “Leave my baby alone, you monsters!”
     
     A man wearing sunglasses and a suit stepped out of the jeep. “Please step out of the way and hand your son over to us.” He pulled a Desert Eagle pistol from inside his jacket.
     
     “No, I won’t let you take Trevor! I’d rather die!”
     
     It is told in essentially the same way, just with a slightly clearer sentence structure.

283. # collisionon 19 Apr 2009 at 3:46 am

     B. Mac and The ReTARDISed Whovian i get what your saying. And maybe i will try to look at the sentence structure, grammar, spelling and punctution. But i feel like i written the story as it should been. im not sure about the spelling becuase i know that how the words are spelled is correctly because that is how they are spelled in the dictionary.

284. # Solaron 19 Apr 2009 at 11:32 am

     I have a new superhero called Elemental who can alter his molecules to transform into virtually any substance, any alloy, any gas or any liquid or solid.
     
     What do you think?

285. # Tomon 19 Apr 2009 at 12:34 pm

     I’d recommend limiting that. If he can transform into anything, he won’t be easy to capture, or beat, or even threaten. Maybe he can only turn into certain elements, or he can’t turn into a compound, or if you want to be a real chemistry buff, only compounds that contain non-metals.

     Or maybe he can only transform once every two minutes.

     Oh, and brush up on chemistry. Not a total requirement, but it’s a MEGA pet peeve of mine when people get the science totally wrong. If I ever wrote something that contained science WAY out of my league I’d research it first.

286. # Solaron 19 Apr 2009 at 12:59 pm

     I’ll say he can turn into 5 (this is his limit) things like steel hands and arms (Left), left leg made of fire and right leg of wind, Right arm and hand made of Sand and the rest of his body is made of water. He can’t maintain a form like this for long. At the end he would just revert back to normal and probably collapse.

     How’s that?

287. # Tomon 19 Apr 2009 at 1:16 pm

     It would be fine if he could turn his entire body into steel, fire, wind, sand or water. You might even add wood in there if you feel like having every western and eastern classical element.

288. # B. Macon 19 Apr 2009 at 1:27 pm

     Collision said: “B. Mac and The ReTARDISed Whovian i get what your saying… But i feel like i written the story as it should been. im not sure about the spelling becuase i know that how the words are spelled is correctly because that is how they are spelled in the dictionary.”
     
     Well, the dictionary can’t fix usage issues. For example, both “your” and “you’re” are in a dictionary, but only “you’re” can be used as the contraction for “you are.” I suspect that dictionaries wouldn’t help much with verb tenses, either.
     
     I hope that helps!

289. # B. Macon 19 Apr 2009 at 1:38 pm

     Solar asked: “I have a new superhero called Elemental who can alter his molecules to transform into virtually any substance, any alloy, any gas or any liquid or solid. What do you think?”
     
     I think most shapeshifters are more limited than this. For example, Colossus can turn himself into metal and Hydro-Man can turn himself into (you guessed it) water. It would probably be better to limit him to one category of transformation because that would force him to be more creative. Also, if you’re doing a comic, it will probably be much easier for your artist to show a character made out of one type of material than a hodgepodge of elements. (For example, Metamorpho looks like a freakshow).
     
     In particular, I’m a bit worried about the ability to turn into gases. If he can turn into air and escape any time he wants to, it will be very hard to either threaten him or confine him. It will also be very hard to keep him out of places he wants to get into.
     

290. # Solaron 20 Apr 2009 at 2:13 am

     This is a bit of my story for my new superhero who can transform into anything he imagines and he can bring his imaginations into realty.

     Tell me if it’s okay.

     I’m not going to put up chapter 1 becuase that part is just about my hero in love with a girl.

     Chapter 2 – Sudden Symptoms

     Lance, Lance, LANCE!” Jennifer screamed to her brother through the bathroom door “Why are you taking so long?” She couldn’t hear anything apart from Lance panting and what sounded like him crying. “Lance, I’m going to call mum. Because it seems like you’re in some form of trouble” There was a loud bang on the door “ONE SECOND, I’M COMING!” Lance was going hysterical, he could barely think straight. He didn’t know what was happening to him. He stared into the bathroom mirror and saw that his skin had completely turned dark blue. At first he believed it to be a prank by his sister and brother. He was reluctant to believe it to be true; he continued to run his hands under warm water but nothing happened. Before he knew it, his second and then fourth finger instantly disappeared. Lance screamed with fear as he saw this.
     But it wasn’t over; Lance could feel something pointing out of his back. In a matter of seconds, a very long blue pointed tail rushed out of his back. “AHHH!” Lance continued to scream in horror “What’s happening to me” Lance’s parents we’re banging on the door “Lance. What’s going on in there? Are you Okay?” there was a sudden silence “AHHHH!!!” large blue feathered wings sprouted from Lance’s back, covering almost the entire bathroom. “AHHHH! DON’T COME IN HERE!!”

     That’s it, I’m kicking the door down,” Benjamin, Lance’s Father. Couldn’t dare to hear his son in pain and peril anymore so he booted the bathroom door down with all his strength and power to see Lance lying on the floor shivering, despite all the noise Lance was making. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. Was it possible it was in his imagination? “Lance, there is nothing wrong you. “What? Look at me. I’m a monster!” Jennifer laughed “Yeah, you got that right” Benjamin lifted Lance up by his hand “Jennifer, Shut up” and so she did. “Look Lance” he turned him towards the mirror “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you” Lance couldn’t believe it “No, no, NO! That’s impossible. I had wings and a tail and my skin was blue”
     Lance, sometimes we see things that aren’t actually there” He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder “Look, you’re obviously in no position to go to school”

291. # Wingson 20 Apr 2009 at 9:43 am

     I think you did a rather good job at expressing Lance’s feelings in this.

     My own characters never really have scenes like this: Meg doesn’t notice her powers (other than the fact that everything electrical in her room has turned off), Ian woke up on the roof but didn’t notice anything different about himself, Connor’s powers don’t really affect how he looks in any way (but he can see auras and the like now, slightly unnerving him), and Darren was wedged in a doorway and, again, didn’t notice anything different.

     - Wings

292. # Ragged Boyon 22 Apr 2009 at 9:47 am

     Here’s my ability layout for Masquerade/Facade. He doesn’t have any natural abilities or drug induced powers like the villains in the story. He gets a different ability from each of his gadgets in his suit:

     Mask: A powerful sense of perception and different types of vision (night, thermal, etc). Stun beam, capable of paralysis. Suggest to sensory overload.

     Gloves: Emit a short range negation pulse. Capable of shocking people and stopping bullets with his hands.

     Belt: Capable of extending for ensnaring. Holds smoke-bombs, flashbangs, etc.

     Boot: Emit sonic wave. Capable of temporary propulsion, main mode of travel.

     He also has combination moves, but I have to go.

     What do you think?

293. # B. Macon 22 Apr 2009 at 9:54 am

     My guess is that he probably has too many powers for people to remember. In particular, I’d recommend getting rid of the belt and taking away the sonic wave from the boots.

294. # Wingson 22 Apr 2009 at 12:00 pm

     I agree with B. Mac, RB…

     He seems a little overpowered right now.

     - Wings

295. # Ragged Boyon 22 Apr 2009 at 12:54 pm

     I don’t think it’s overpowered, it’s just too many powers.

     Ok, I’ll take away the belt, but I need the shoes.

     So perception mask, shock gloves, and blast boots. I think that’s relatively easy to remember. Particularly, because those three will be in focus. His powers were sort of based on C. Viper from Street Fighter 4. She has an electric glove, a seismic glove, and boots that shoot fire and air. I think her shades do something too, but I’m not sure.

     What do you think?

296. # Dforceon 22 Apr 2009 at 1:08 pm

     I think the original four were fine. The only thing that really seems expendable to me is the belt– since his other stuff is sorta in the super-science field (beams, pulses, waves), whereas the belt uses pretty ordinary stuff like smoke bombs.

297. # Ragged Boyon 22 Apr 2009 at 1:14 pm

     It’s all good.

     He’ll still actually wear the belt as part of the costume, though. I have to leave headway for Porcelain. In the story she shows up on the scene as the better hero, giving Jackson (Facade) a hard time, at least for a little bit..

298. # Dforceon 22 Apr 2009 at 1:18 pm

     Lol. Nice– though I must admit to a small form of hypocrisy; one of my main character superheroes uses smoke bombs heavily (though, he does not use beams or such).

299. # Tomon 22 Apr 2009 at 1:45 pm

     What do you think of giving my non-powered hero gloves and boots that enhance strength? By that I don’t mean with them on she’ll be able to lift heavy objects with ease, but when she punches and kicks, which are her main ways of attacking, the blows will be enhanced, sending ordinary people flying and causing damage to superpowered beings, something she normally wouldn’t be able to do.

     Also, what do you think of giving her an extendable staff like Robin from Teen Titans?

     She needs something to help her fight crime other than a black belt in Karate.

300. # Dforceon 22 Apr 2009 at 1:59 pm

     I think the gloves could work– though, you should keep in mind what could happen if she were to loose them/break them during a battle. Or what if someone stole them? Or accidentally tried them on? The intrigue goes on…
     
     Melee weapons are nice, I think. Robin was the more bad-a with one; and one of my leads also has a bo staff. Using that should be fine, but have you thought about other melee weapons? There are maces, hammers, nunchucks, swords (another character of mine may use one– still debating that), whips, boomerangs; and does it have to be extendable? These are just suggestions though.
     
     Is she a thinker? Does she lay traps for her foes? There are other ways to bring down crime.

301. # B. Macon 22 Apr 2009 at 2:00 pm

     I assume she’ll have superstrength and maybe some agility as well. I don’t think she needs a weapon.

302. # Tomon 22 Apr 2009 at 2:47 pm

     Fair enough. Okay, gloves and boots it is.

     Hmm… I might also go with the ‘what if someone steals them?’ idea you had, Dforce.

303. # B. Macon 22 Apr 2009 at 3:29 pm

     Dforce said: “There are maces, hammers, nunchucks, swords (another character of mine may use one– still debating that), whips, boomerangs; and does it have to be extendable?”
     
     It depends on the series. If it’s a typical fantasy series, swords are well-accepted.
     
     However, for a few philosophical reasons I can discuss at frightening length, blood-letting weapons are problematic in modern superhero stories. The short version is that most superheroes are vigilantes and drawing blood is extremely unseemly for a vigilante. It crosses a moral line that makes many readers feel uncomfortable. In contrast, readers generally don’t care much for the moral norms of a fantasy society. The regular authorities are probably controlled by the evil Empire, anyway.
     
     Some modern superhero stories try to use swords without drawing blood, but it’s generally awkward. For example, the TMNT cartoons bend over backwards to keep Leonardo from drawing blood. (This is one of the reasons that the Turtles fight foot soldiers and other mechanical mooks more often than Shredder and other living beings).

304. # Yogion 22 Apr 2009 at 8:24 pm

     Okay, for one of my heroes, the one that controls heat, in my original draft a few years ago, he was ridiculously overpowered in comparison to the one that controlled light. So, I’ve redone his powers, and I’ve decided to make him manipulate heat, but not the temperature, so that, if the setting is at room temperature, he can force the heat to clump up at one certain area, so that certain area becomes very hot, but the surroundings become cold. And if he’s in a really cold area, and his friends are freezing to death, the only way he can help is by expunging his own body heat. Is that a good weakness?

305. # B. Macon 22 Apr 2009 at 9:18 pm

     How often will this weakness come into play?

306. # Yogion 22 Apr 2009 at 10:35 pm

     I think it will come in play quite often.

307. # Solaron 29 Apr 2009 at 11:09 am

     I want to make a hero but I don’t know what powers to give him, I want him to be a cross between Deadpool, Batman, Spiderman, Wolverine and possibly Bane.
     
     I was wondering if you guys could give me some powers for him and maybe a background story. Oh and by the way, his name is Assassin.

308. # B. Macon 29 Apr 2009 at 11:31 am

     Hello, Solar. I notice that the five heroes you named tend to rely on melee-based powers with a minor twist (claws for Wolverine, webs for Spiderman, gadgets for Batman, etc). So I’d recommend something similar for you: a character that does most of his fighting in melee but has an exotic minor power for style and versatility. What would you think about wind control, fire control or minor telekinesis?
     
     What’s his personality like? That will help me come up with an origin story that suits him.

309. # Solaron 30 Apr 2009 at 2:04 pm

     I made my hero, Assassin
     He can

     Teleport
     Superhuman strength, speed, stamina, durability, agility and reflexes
     Bone manipulation
     Invisiblity
     Self-Healing

     I really want to give him more, I want him to be like Deadpool in a way.

     I was wondering if you could give him more improved powers and maybe a better name.

     Thanks.

310. # Holliequon 30 Apr 2009 at 2:10 pm

     What he has right now is plenty, I think. In fact, he’s probably too powerful to be easily challenged right now, especially with super-strength, -durability and -speed.

     A healing factor doesn’t seem to fit in with his powers well. I’d recommend dropping that. Also, teleportation might make it too easy to escape, and seems useless when he already has invisibility. I would suggest you drop that, too.

     I’d get rid of at least some of the superhuman factors, too. Ideally, you want powers that go together logically. Right now, I’m not seeing much of a connection between these things.

311. # Marissaon 30 Apr 2009 at 2:24 pm

     Solar, if you end up with that name, I’ll give you twenty invisible dollars if someone calls him ‘Sassy’ as a nickname. Assassin is just asking for it. xD

312. # B. Macon 30 Apr 2009 at 3:06 pm

     I think speed and teleportation overlap a lot. I’d recommend getting rid of one or the other (preferably speed).
     
     I’d recommend getting rid of invisibility; I think it will make your stealth scenes less dramatic. Also, it will be too easy for him to escape from a losing battle. (This is another problem with teleportation and super-speed).
     
     Healing could work, but I’d recommend giving it parameters so that there’s actually something at stake for him in battle. (For example, there’s a limit to how much he can heal, it takes him a long time to heal, he can’t heal his way out of death, etc). If readers think that nothing bad can happen to him, the fights will probably be pretty boring. I’m not very familiar with Deadpool, but I’m pretty sure that his ability to heal is really restricted.
     
     I agree that Assassin might be a bit too direct. The only synonym that seems faintly workable is Hitman, which has already been used by a video game of the same name. I could probably come up with something better if I knew something about his personality. What’s he like?

313. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 1:15 am

     Assassin is mental, this causes him to act pretty stupid, make jokes all the time and making him normally doing things without thought.

314. # Anonymouson 01 May 2009 at 1:23 am

     When I said superhuman strength ect. I didn’t mean on the level of Superman just a little bit stronger than the average man. I hope that helps.

315. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 1:45 am

     When I said superhuman strength ect. I didn’t mean on the level of Superman just a little bit stronger than the average man. I hope that helps.

316. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 8:07 am

     I’ve made a few changes to Asssassin.

     Superhuman strength (strength of 10 men), speed (of ten men), durability (same) agility and refelxes. He has had his brain altered giving him perfect accuracy and intelligence (at a cost of his sanity turning him sadistic).

     Bone manipulation, he can made any form, shape or size of bones come out of his body like swords, knives or even hammers(this will still hurt)

     Assassin’s strength and abilities also increase with pain e.g. If he was punched, the pain would make him physically stronger.

     He has self-healing. This can heal his wounds but it uses up his energy so if he is all out of energy, his wound would heal but very very very slowly.

317. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 8:12 am

     Oh I forgot, because of his bloodline. Assassin aka. Maverick. Is a kinesis, thus giving him the power of Kinesis (Telekinesis, Hydrokinesis ect) allowing him to manipulate virtually almost anything. But barely.

318. # Ragged Boyon 01 May 2009 at 8:19 am

     Marrow from X-Men was the original bone manipulator. I felt bad for her because when she was a kid she couldn’t control it and it was extremely painful.

319. # Ragged Boyon 01 May 2009 at 8:34 am

     So Assassin has:

     -Superstrength

     -Superspeed

     -Enhanced durability, agility, reflexes, accuracy, and intelligence

     -Bone Manipulation

     -A slew of kinetic abilities

     I think he’s still a bit overpowered. I’d recommend removing the superstrength and superspeed. Now it seems that he has a power for every situation, which makes for uncreative scenes.

320. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 12:13 pm

     So he can manipulate bones
     Self-healing which is not automatic
     and Enhanced durability, agility, reflexes, accuracy, and intelligence

     I hope that works

321. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 12:18 pm

     I was actually thinking of a new superhero who has this mysterious program on his computer which allows him to create different kinds of superheroes through data, he can then transfer them to his braclet and transform into them for 30 minutes. How’s that.

322. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 12:22 pm

     His bracelet can also release his ‘Data Heroes’ into reality who can act with independent thought.

323. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 12:38 pm

     True, but unlike Ben10. He ain’t gonna have a lot of Data Heroes.
     I want it to be like Ben10 only a lot more violent

324. # Solaron 01 May 2009 at 12:44 pm

     My story is about a teenage boy who recieves this package in the mail, it is later revealed to be from his crazy grandfather. He reads the hologram and then runs the program on his computer.

     once he plugs in his bracelet (which is also a USB) he downloads a hero and accidently destroys the town. When the government find out that he has the weapon, they make another one and give it a boy who uses it to hunt, and then the battle to the last blood begins.

     I think I really need to improve this.

325. # Ragged Boyon 01 May 2009 at 1:42 pm

     I think your revision of Assassin works.

326. # Solaron 02 May 2009 at 12:39 am

     My story is called the 13th Assassin (which is him) he is suppose to be the 13th one which means he’s evolved past the other 12. So in a way. He’s supposed to be overpowered.

327. # B. Macon 02 May 2009 at 1:29 am

     “He’s supposed to be overpowered.” Ok, but please keep in mind that if he is much more powerful than everyone else, the fights probably won’t be very interesting. There has to be some chance he can lose.

328. # Solaron 02 May 2009 at 7:23 am

     I meant to say that he is stronger than the other 12 assassins but he’s nowhere as skilled as they are. And he doesn’t fully understand the true potential of his powers.
     
     I was thinking of calling my story ‘The 13th Assassin and the Gauntlet of Areas (God of War)’
     
     In this story, the assassins learn of the 14th Assassin who is a clone of the 13th, but with no hair and all of their powers. When he gets released he has no intention of helping the Assassins. Upon learning of the Gauntlet of Ares, the 14th Assassin sets out to find it. When the other Assassins learn of this, they search for him and confront him battle and get absolutely smashed! Because he is created out of their DNA.
     
     Once he goes to Egypt and finds the Gauntlet, he makes an endless legion of warriors that run amok. The 12 Assassins agree to fight the Army while 13th fights the 14th, now called ‘War’
     
     The 13th Assassin and War battle on a pyramid; the 13th assassin can’t seem to win. Assassin eventually beats him by slicing off the arm that holds the Gauntlet with a bone sword. But he doesn’t die due to his self healing. Assassin then puts the gauntlet on and creates a portal to a war world which sucks War in, thus ending his terror.
     
     What do ya think.

329. # Lord of Darknesson 04 May 2009 at 7:57 am

     Hi. I was thinking of writing a story or novel about a boy. It’s set in the distant future. Lark is a multi-trillionaire’s son that is good at almost everything. One day, his Dad pulled a publicity stunt by hiring terrorist to plant a few bombs at a charity event which Lark was attending. Lark goes to give money for charity when he is caught in the explosion.
     
     His father repents and tries to save his son but none of the top scientists can help Lark, who is barely managing to survive with hardly any organs or limbs. His father goes back to the terrorist because there is no one who can help him now. He pays the terrorist kingpin millions of pounds to fix him but they do much more than that.
     
     They fix him but also turn him into a living weapon machine. They tell him that if he tells the police, Lark has a massive atomic bomb which is enough to rip a hole in the solar system. So they use the new and powered Lark to win a massive war against Russia and the USA. When Lark escapes and removes the bomb from his body, he plans to stop the Kingpin and end his ways no matter what.

     Is this a good story plot.

330. # Ragged Boyon 04 May 2009 at 8:36 am

     Hey, I got an idea for a fantasy character. Like most of my character’s he’s a little flamboyant, but he’s a little different from the other. His real name is Ari Rivera, his alias is Wardancer. Like all of my protaganists he is a skinny artist, a dancer. He’s drafted into the king’s army, but runs away from the obligation. While trying to travel away fromt he searching parties he doesn’t realize that he’s headed right towards enemy territory. Somewhere along the way, he gain two accomplices, learns to augment his dancing with magic, and fights his way deeper into the enemy heartland. He’s eventually caught by the king’s special forces and ultimately joins the king to stop the baddie.

     What makes Ari different from my other characters is that he isn’t that impulsive and is a perfectionist, although he’s a good improviser. Not that different, but he is a little.

     I haven’t thought it out much, but that’s a general idea.

331. # Holliequon 04 May 2009 at 9:48 am

     -The dancing feels like it’s been tacked on just because. In contrast, I thought Adrian’s acting skills were a vital part of his character and added a lot to the story.
     
     - I don’t get the impression this character is important enough to have search parties after him (and if they’re at war, that would be a waste of manpower). He’d probably be worth a small bounty, so bounty hunters seem more likely.
     
     - Reality check: three people in enemy territory would either not do very much or be killed quickly. Also, I thought he was trying to distance himself from the war?
     
     - This character doesn’t strike me as important enough to fight alongside the king, ignoring the fact that a king probably wouldn’t go near the battlefield.
     
     - As a deserter, he’d probably be shot upon recapture.
     
     I’m sort of confused about the scale of this conflict. The involvement of the king and drafting suggests it’s a huge, nation-vs-nation thing (possibly allied nations against one another). However, the importance of this one character (why is he so important?) and the idea of being pursued into enemy terroitory (or so I imply) suggests a small scale conflict that’s probably mostly political. What did you have in mind?

332. # B. Macon 04 May 2009 at 11:52 am

     Hello, Lord of Darkness. I’d kind of have to see how you executed this, but I have a few reservations so far.
     
     –The main character does not seem to have much of a personality yet. Things happen to him. He goes to the charity event, is passively blasted by his father, is passively turned into a machine, etc. So there’s not much that he chooses to do. In contrast, I think that the most compelling superhero origins use the personality and choices of the characters. For example, Daredevil threw himself in the way of an oncoming truck to save a pedestrian, Wonder Woman chose to disobey her mother by secretly competing to represent the island abroad, Spiderman initially chose not to use his superpowers and it got his uncle killed, etc. In contrast, it feels like your hero is pretty much forced to be a superhero.
     
     –”Lark… is good at almost everything.” It sounds like he’s kind of a Mary Sue, an overpowered character that might be hard to challenge.
     
     –It feels kind of flimsy to me that the father decides to kill his son for publicity and then has second-thoughts. Or that he has to turn to the terrorists to heal his son. (I can’t see why terrorists would know more about medicine than the world’s best doctors).
     
     –Even though it’s a bit cheesy, I kind of like the angle of a father trying to kill his son. I think a better reason might help, though.

333. # B. Macon 04 May 2009 at 1:11 pm

     I agree with Holliequ that the dancing is much less smooth here than Adrian’s acting was. I think military dancers would probably make more sense in a video game (like Fire Emblem) than a novel or comic book. You could probably swap out dancing for singing for a slightly more serious tone. (Also, I think singing would play slightly better among males– I suspect that men might pass on a story about magical dancing).
     
     I’m not sure what your time’s time-frame is like, but if it’s something like the medieval era, then I think it would make sense that the king is personally commanding his troops. (That was standard practice until the 1600s or so).
     
     I agree that the king’s special forces would need some compelling reason to let him rejoin rather than just instantly kill him. Perhaps they plan to use him as a double-agent.
     
     I applied to Marvel today.
     
     Does he need an alias?
     
     I’m not sure how interesting perfectionism would be. Can you come up with several situations over the course of a book where perfectionism will cause him to make a mistake?
     
     Improvisation is interesting.
     
     I agree that he’d probably have low-level searchers out after him rather than special forces, unless he’s done something particularly important.

334. # Warbladeon 05 May 2009 at 7:02 am

     I have an idea for a fictional character. He’s an alien from a distant planet but I can’t quite think of a name yet. I can’t really explain it but like his race, he can empathize with any living organism to take on their characteristics and skills. For example, if he was to empathize with a cat. He would be just like a cat, like its flexibility and retractable claws or even its strength. He can also take the pain (or any other emotion or feeling) of a living thing and suffer it instead.
     
     His name is Gallantry, he is the protagonist and he’s a massive universe-known criminal who is on the run from the universal police forces. He is 14 years old. He sought refuge on a white pale planet due to his ship being damaged but he didn’t know that it was prohibited to enter that planet because of the creatures that inhabit it.
     
     When he lands on the Godforsaken planet, he spends a long time being pursed by savage monsters. Some time later, his is rescued by a team of heroes who crash-land on the planet and need someone to escort them back to their ship. He is the only one who knows around the place.
     
     He helps them get back and as a reward they offer him to join the team, he refuses at first but them accepts upon learning that they can clean his record.
     
     Now part of the team their Captain eventually dies in Gallantry’ hands from an accident and asks him to be their new captain.
     
     Time passes. Gallantry must stop a warlord from creating millions of black holes which he can manipulate.
     
     Despite his name, Gallantry is actually quite a coward. He spends most of his time stealing money from banks through satellites because he too scared to do it there himself. His father left him to stop a universal war from happening and his mother died while giving birth to him.
     
     I wonder if this is any good.

335. # Davidon 05 May 2009 at 7:19 am

     It’s a good concept. However, if he is a coward and a thief, I doubt the heroes would ask him to be the new captain. Also, he is the newcomer. I mean, is there any reason why they would ask him to be the captain? And what about the second in command? The role of captain would automatically fall to him, not the newcomer.
     
     I mean, that’s like the President dying in B. Mac’s arms and everyone turning to him and saying “well, we don’t know much about you but be our President. Here’s the Red Button.”
     
     In summary, it’s a good idea and plot but just fill out those little holes and it should be fine.

336. # Holliequon 05 May 2009 at 7:39 am

     B. Mac for President!
     
     In all seriousness, I think your character could come across as a Chosen One and/or Mary Sue. He’s destined to stop the universe? Wanted criminal at age 14 and able to hack into banks?
     
     I also don’t like how this team of heroes can get rid of his criminal record. That seems far too convenient to me.
     
     That said, I like his cowardice. If he does have a hand in saving the universe, I think this could make for some interesting scenes. Alternatively, it could be hilarious in a comedy novel. “Cowardly thief destined to save the universe” definitely strikes me as something with potential for humour. Especially if the ship’s crew are all hero stereotypes themselves.

337. # Ragged Boyon 05 May 2009 at 8:08 am

     Eww, the new characters I’ve been coming up with have been really shitty, in my opinion. I think I’ll resume production on Showtime and get back to what I’m good at. Writing Adrian.

338. # B. Macon 05 May 2009 at 8:10 am

     “In all seriousness, I think your character could come across as a Chosen One and/or Mary Sue. He’s destined to stop the universe? Wanted criminal at age 14 and able to hack into banks?”
     
     I agree wholeheartedly with this. I could maybe, kind of see a 14 year-old being taken along on a crew if he has some useful skills. (Stories have some leeway to get a really young protagonist involved). However, when he gets the captain killed, I can’t think of any good reasons that they’d turn to him.
     
     –He’s really young and the newcomer.
     –He doesn’t seem to know all that much about running a ship.
     –He’s a major-league criminal and they’re heroes.
     –He got the captain killed! Admittedly, by accident, but still he’s the most responsible.
     –The skills he brings to the table (being familiar with the planet and hacking) have nothing to do with running a ship.
     –He’s a coward.
     –He hasn’t done anything to deserve it, at least as far as I can tell.
     
     Also, I’d recommend giving him a name that fits him better. Ironic names (like a giant named Tiny) are usually kind of weak.
     

339. # Hamon 05 May 2009 at 12:15 pm

     “Your story’s superpowers have a limited duration or accessibility.”
     

     Shouldn’t that be “your hero’s superpowers…”?
     
     Good list, but the most important thing is to try to balance your characters. There’s nothing wrong with something cheesy as flight and superstrength, as long as some of your other characters’ powers have more depth. Or if the same superhero has some original look/personality/origin story. The same goes for the looks and personalities of your characters. Still, the list is nice for reference or ideas.

340. # Warbladeon 05 May 2009 at 2:12 pm

     As i said before, Argos can empathaize with any living creature. His right arm is made out of Cratuim (just made it up now) which is sentient living organism and the 10th hardest alloy in the north galaxy. It can made constucts out of solid light energy and can fire energy streams. He has a board which can hover a few metres above the ground and has an arseanl of weapons.

341. # B. Macon 05 May 2009 at 2:57 pm

     Ham said:

     “Your story’s superpowers have a limited duration or accessibility.” Shouldn’t that be “your hero’s superpowers”?

     Well, it could also apply to your villains’ powers. For example, Desdemona on Gargoyles can only access her powers at night; she’s a statue during the day. (Admittedly, parameters are applied to heroes more often than villains… it’s more important to challenge the hero than the villain).

342. # Ragged Boyon 09 May 2009 at 2:42 pm

     Galactus does something slightly similar, I’m unsure if this has occurred in manga, though.

343. # Chulanceon 09 May 2009 at 2:57 pm

     How did Galactus do it? I want to make sure I’m not ripping it off I promise I didn’t just read some marvel comics and rip it off of him. As for manga I’ve seen a lot but there’s always somone who knows more. And have there ever been superheros who become omnipotent by the end of their series?

344. # Ragged Boyon 09 May 2009 at 3:03 pm

     I’m not exactly sure how it goes, but I remember he makes holes to the planet’s core and them sucks them dry. It’s usually explosive.

     I’m unsure about an omnipotent superhero. Wouldn’t it ruin all the suspense?

345. # B. Macon 10 May 2009 at 12:51 am

     “And have there ever been superheros who become omnipotent by the end of their series?” The best example I can think of is the Sentry. He is a widely hated Marvel character. In fact, he is so widely hated that there are websites and forums devoted to hating him and understanding why so many people hate him.
     
     Here, I’ll cherry-pick some choice quotes.
     
     “He’s unbeatable. And ridiculously overpowered. A character THAT powerful is not an interesting character.”
     
     “I was indifferent to Sentry as a character because I recognize that his longevity as a long-term character is about the same as a condom in Anna Nicole Smith’s pocketbook.”
     
     “The Sentry’s complete lack of originality spurs off a lot of comic fans, both Marvel and DC alike. Marvel fans don’t like him because he’s too much like Superman and they don’t want a Superman in Marvel. DC fans don’t like him because he’s a complete rip-off of Superman and they already have a Superman.”

346. # Warbladeon 10 May 2009 at 4:28 am

     I need help on improving a new superhero I made.

     Gaia

     James has the ability to draw energy, nutrients and power directly from the Earth itself giving him the ability to control the earth and virtual omnipotence.

347. # WING BEASTon 10 May 2009 at 5:05 am

     Real name: Trex
     Supervillian name: Parosol
     Place of birth: Planet Solaris
     Citizenship: Tronia
     Occupation: Intergalactic mercenary
     Abilities: Energy sourcing Ability to draw power from large or small but abundant sources of energy, such as turning kinetic energy into physical blasts or converting solar energy into other forms. Sometimes based on proximity to source, sometimes stored for future use.
     Race: Novaras
     Height: 6’3
     Weight: 159 lbs
     Eyes: grey
     Hair: White.
     this my supervillian so what do u think

348. # Psi Bladeron 12 May 2009 at 3:58 am

     Ok, I’m planning to write a superhero novel. I’ve had the idea in my head for quite some time, even before I found this site. I would like to know what you think about this idea.
     
     Ok, my main character’s name is David or Jason. He is 18 years old. His father was a pilot in the air force but tragically dies when his plane crashes over the middle east during one of the skirmishes over there. David/Jason takes the loss pretty hard.
     
     David/Jason’s father’s belongings are sent back to the family. David/Jason begins to rummage through his fathers belongings before his mother. In the belonging are two Desert Eagles. David takes the pistols without his mother noticing and sneaks them to his bedroom. While in his room David/Jason begins to think about his father. Every time he tries to remember his father only one thing comes to mind. He was a hero. He died a hero. This puts the thought into David/Jason’s mind that he should become a hero. The thought crosses his mind, but he shrugs the thought to the back of his mind because he feels it might be too dangerous.
     
     Two months later David/Jason begins to hear about a string of robberies in his neighborhood. He doesn’t think to much about this until the next night his house gets burgled. All his mother’s jewelry and his fathers medals had been stolen. The police are unable to find the serial robbers. This makes David/Jason angry and frustrated that the police and he cannot retrieve his father’s war medals. During lunch time at school one day, David sits at an unwanted table near the math nerds at his school.
     
     Without anything to do, David/Jason ends up eavesdropping on the nerds’ conversation. Most of what they are saying flies over David/Jason’s head until the nerds begin to talk about the recent burglaries. The obvious leader of the group begins to brag that he has figured out the pattern that the robbers are using to pick their next houses. One of the nerds’ friends challenges him about this knowledge and dares him to prove it. The leader nerd is very proud and enjoys showing off so he explains that the robbers have a formula they use on the number of the previous house the burgled. After the formula has been applied this gives them the house and street number of the next place they are to burgle. David/Jason sees this as his chance to get his father’s medals back.
     
     After going back home and applying the formula, David/Jason discovers the address of the next place to be robbed. So David/Jason dresses himself up so that his identity is kept a secret. He retrieves the two Desert Eagles from their hiding spot, cleans them, loads them and tucks them into his messenger bag. Every night David/Jason watches the building which is to be burgled next. After about the third night just as David/Jason is starting to lose hope. The robbers appear. David/Jason follows them into the building and attempts to stop them from robbing the place. He is easily overcome by the many robbers and is quickly captured. The robbers continue to loot the place until they come to one room in particular.
     
     In the center of the room is a large machine that perks the robbers’ curiosity. The leader of the robbers begins to inspect the machine. He is unable to determine what the machine does. So to determine whether or not the machine is worth stealing the leader decides to strap David/Jason into the machine to see what happens. David/Jason is strapped in and the machine is quickly started. After a few moments David/Jason begins to scream as spikes begin to come out of the machine and puncture David/Jason/s hands. After a couple of minutes one of the robbers finds a report on one of the desks in the room. It seems that the machine was built to give a person control over time. Hearing this, the leader tells his henchmen to stop the machine. The machine is stopped before it can finish the bonding process. David/Jason has passed out from the pain and has gone limp.
     
     Jason wakes up the next morning in a hospital bed, but he isn’t in a hospital. It turns out that the scientists who had been working on the time manipulation project had found him. Because the bonding process had not been completed yet the machine hadn’t closed up the holes that it had made. Because of this time energy is leaking out of David/Jason’s wrists and palms. So the scientists came up with a pair of gloves that David has to wear. Otherwise, the time energy will destroy anything it comes in contact with. Through the gloves, David can create small bubbles in which he can manipulate time. Without the gloves, David can’t control the time energies which are leaking out. David’s nemesis is the leader of the robbers who had stolen the machine and used it on himself. The bonding process has completely finished on the robber allowing him to control time in a larger area and without the aid of the gloves.

349. # B. Macon 12 May 2009 at 6:16 am

     Hmm. Here are a few thoughts and observations…
     
     I feel like the plot is contrived in a few significant ways. For example, the main character just happens to eavesdrop on a conversation that leads him to the burglars, the nerds have this information but don’t report it to the cops, the house the burglars are in the process of robbing just happens to contain this extraordinary technology, the robbers just happen to take him alive rather than kill him, etc.
     
     The best way to get rid of contrivance is to add a cause that comes from one of the characters, usually the main character. So, for example, instead of the character randomly eavesdropping on the conversation, I’d have him seek out the nerds and convince or make them figure out a pattern. I understand why he wouldn’t want to tell the cops where the burglars are going to strike (he wants first crack at them), but I think it would help to explain why the nerds don’t tell the cops. Or maybe they do tell the cops and the cops don’t listen. (That sounds plausible).
     
     The plot sounds a bit routine but workable. My main concern is that the main character doesn’t feel like he has much of a personality (outside of his desire to honor his father) and the villain doesn’t seem to have much style or ambition, as far as I can tell.
     
     I feel like the Desert Eagles are a bit of a red herring, foreshadowing something that never really happens. They suggest that the character is going to be a gritty, Punisher-like hero. However, it sounds like he never manages to shoot anyone and ends up with a power that will probably be PG or PG-13 rather than a hard R. The problem here is that the readers that are looking for a PG or PG-13 hero will probably be put off by the guns, and fans of series like the Punisher are probably going to be disappointed if it turns out that he doesn’t really use the guns much.
     
     I hope that helped. Would you like a review forum?
     
     –B. Mac

350. # Tomon 12 May 2009 at 9:56 am

     One thing to add to that- control over time. How far does that power go? If he can time travel you may want to rethink that. If he can go forwards and backwards by a few seconds at most then it’s fine. Basically you can’t have the guy undoing deaths via time-travel, but you can have him using some kind of limited precogniton to fight.

     If his main way of fighting is using his powers to age things that will be very interesting.

351. # Psi Bladeron 12 May 2009 at 12:59 pm

     Ill think it over about the circumstances and try and make it sound a bit more plausible. About his powers. He isn’t able to travel through time because the bubbles he make are only about the size of a football. About the aging thing that was prominent in my mind as what he would do with the powers. He would also be able to speed up or slow down objects that are falling. A problem that kept occurring to me about the aging thing would be that he could just create a bubble over a persons body part and age it really fast until it died and dropped off. But I don’t think my character is going to be that coldblooded.

     I came up with this story like 5 years ago and I think it was around the time when I was playing duke nukem or some such game in which they where using Desert Eagles. So I think cause I liked using them in the game that I would put them in my superheros hands. Now I’m thinking that I might get rid of them, or that David refuses to use them because of a moral obligation to himself and his father. It was originally going to be that he would create time bubbles around the bullets which would increase their speed making them unseen and fast.

     Well David would be the kind of no nonsense hero. He hates having to explain things more than once. And gets frustrated when people do not understand something that he thinks is so simple to comprehend. oops gotta go pst rest later

352. # WING BEASTon 12 May 2009 at 2:17 pm

     “Let me out you pathetic human” Troy began shaking and screaming and a moment later it all stop sudden everything was quite peaceful and calm again. Troy sighed with relief the nightmare is over as he was resting his head on the pillow the voices started all over again. “Together we can destroy them just let me out, you inferior specie” the voices in Troy’s head were getting louder and louder like drums in a rhythm. Troy sat up again sweating and looking all confused, scared and absolutely freaked out “Troy are you alright honey? His mother called out. Troy still confused didn’t hear his mum but he did notice something weird on his finger, his finger was glowing blue a ring placed on his middle finger was glowing getting brighter and brighter by a second.
     Blue lights were flashing inside Troy’s room and it was bound to be noticed, his mum Teresa who was going to the bathroom noticed the lights she slowly starts to walk towards Troy’s room and knocks on the wooden door with a huge transformers poster on the front “open up Troy I’m worried about you, please son” Teresa whispered in the calmest voice as possible. “ I hope you can hear that another bug standing in our way and you know what to do to bugs, crush them” the voices in Troy’s head now sounding clearer and clearer this was not a nightmare it was something else dark tormenting Troy.

353. # Warbladeon 12 May 2009 at 11:08 pm

     It was the most excruciating moment in his life and he could do nothing to change what just happened. The pain seemed to be intensifying ten-fold every second and wouldn’t stop, it raced through his spine and across his entire body until he felt like an empty shell of guilt. His heart pumped incredibly hard as he cried a river inside. He knows he couldn’t but his heart tells him that he could have made a difference, or maybe just get killed as well. His fist began to clench firm, tighter and tighter he clenched until, because of his own stubbornness not to let go. Blood poured out of his hand as water would pour out a tap. He lifted his head up to see the criminal who shot his parents with antagonism. The criminal gazed at him before running away but something stopped him. There was something evil in Zeke’s eyes, something that had a power to stop the thief in his tracks and caused his body to completely freeze and stand in the same spot motionless. Zeke stared into the thief’s eyes, but something wasn’t right. The thief could see it but couldn’t quite place his finger on. He tried but couldn’t, he want to say how sorry his was but Zeke said something. He said something he wouldn’t normally say “I’m going to kill you!” the criminal was so shocked that he showed signs of life in his body “How dare you kill my parents! HOW DARE YOU!!!” Zeke’s eyes were beginning to turn black, the tears which ran down his face were black and the criminal’s eyes were black. The criminal was shaking continuously as if he was having a fit and it sounded like he was struggling to breathe until he just collapsed. He fell to the floor like a ragdoll and showed no signs of movements. But Zeke knew exactly what happened. He knew he just killed the criminal who just killed his parents simply by looking at him. The tears ran down his face even faster until he could nothing but scream to the sky.

     Seriously, I really don’t think you should be doing this,” Isaac said to Zeke. His voice was cowardly shaking, he was stuttering. Zeke knew he was petrified, but he didn’t want to say anything. He could just laugh, Jason. Was and still is the toughest guy in the orphanage, no one could say anything to well, except Zeke. “Zeke, are you so stupid or was you just born like this? Look at me, asking an idiot a question he already knows the answer to” Isaac’s voice began to deepen, showing how frustrated and angry he was with his spoiled friend “Jason, stop been so paranoid. Look man I’ll get you out of this. I always do” For a reason this made him even more angry because every time Zeke gets Isaac and himself into trouble, he never seems bothered. It actually finds it rather amusing.

354. # Holliequon 13 May 2009 at 2:17 pm

     Actually, whilst I’m thinking about it, I’d like to run a few supers past you too. (Does anybody remember that story from the POV of a dead superhero I was thinking about? Yeah, I’m thinking about it a little more. I’m a bad, bad person, but I’m stuck in a rut with Victor and Zoe. I’m kinda hoping this will kickstart my creative juices or something.)

     Spook (Jonas Miller)
     Very strong ESP, which includes chanelling, astral projection, communication with the dead, and weak precognition. (Also teleporting after he dies.)
     For personality, I’m thinking sarcastic and serious, but bordering anti-social. Being friends with ghosts for most of your life will do that to you.
     (Dies at the beginning, so he’d probably only use teleporting and astral projection. Precognition might be mentioned, and the chanelling is a major plot point. I’m also well aware of the likability issues, but I think being a Deadpan Snarker could cover that one until more likable characters get introduced.)

     Cinder (Leslie York)
     Your basic fire-powered superhero. Heat manipulation abilities too.
     Personality: senstitive, mostly calm, confidant, helpful. Also unquestioning of authority and a little too willing to compromise on the moral front. (Yes, a fire-based superhero who isn’t hot-headed, brash and arrogant!)

     Spectrum (Terence Craig)
     Manipulation of the electromagnetic spectrum – stuff like invisibility, X-ray vision, infra-red vision, etc.
     Methodical, eloquent, intelligent and charming, but self-centred and arrogant. I’m thinking he’ll be a traitor and the one responsible for Spooks’ death.
     (Not too sure about this guy’s name or powers. I’m open to change on this one, but I want something sneaky that could be powerful, but not over-powerful).

     Asclepius (Sean Brady)
     Poison creation, super-agility and a healing factor, but not a particularly powerful one. (Asclepius was the Greek god of healing, and fond of using snakes.)
     Reformed criminal. Dutiful, confidant and blunt, but also secretive, aggressive, critical and sometimes reckless. He’ll probably be my friendly neighbourhood badass, but with a really strict moral code. Slightly ironic given that he used to be a criminal, but then again he did pick a god as his alias.

     The Ripper (Doyle D. Brannigan)
     Bone manipulation, super-durability (NOT invulnerable), very minor healing factor (only because of the bone thing).
     Disinterested, arrogant but cautious, smug, and ever-so-slightly unstable. Will probably serve as the Big Bad. I wanted him to be very hard to kill and also to have a power that was slightly creepy.

     What do you think? Should I start over, tweak, prepare to be laughed at or other?

355. # Tomon 13 May 2009 at 3:13 pm

     Naming a character after a minor Greek god? What a daft idea!
     
     Oh, wait… never mind.
     
     Not too fond of Spectrum. Main reason is that I’m concerned with labeling the power as ‘control over the electromagnetic spectrum’. Theoretically this can involve the ability to emit enough gamma radiation to kill someone in an instant. Also it’s a pretty vague power. Can this person send radio signals to people? Can they blind people with intense light? Do they have heat vision? Superman has limited control over the EM Spectrum, with his infra-red (heat) vision and X-ray vision. You may want to consider that.
     
     Tread carefully with that power…

356. # Holliequon 13 May 2009 at 3:24 pm

     “Theoretically this can involve the ability to emit enough gamma radiation to kill someone in an instant.”
     Yeah, that occurred to me. He can’t emit gamma radiation in a huge amount like that. If he were to ever come across gamma radiation, he could control it, but he can’t create it. Also, gamma isn’t particularly dangerous in small doses, so he couldn’t use it to kill somebody in a fight.

     Radio signals – he’d have to have some way of producing the radio waves. And the other person would have to have a way of recieveing them.
     Intense light – no. He could probably divert light away from the eyes, if he concentrated really, really hard.
     Heat vision – isn’t the same as infra-red? (If no, I didn’t do the research, I guess . . .)

     Any other suggestions of powers that might fit this character? I think I’ll probably need to keep the invisibility. Anything that would pair neatly with that?

357. # Mr. Briton 14 May 2009 at 1:50 pm

     I think that that many powers is insane. You seriously need to cut them down. I’d say that all of ‘Superhuman strength, speed, agility, durability and longevity flight Telepathic and bioelectrical powers, undersea adaptation, stamina, Extra resistance to heat/energy based attacks, enhanced senses,, healing factor’ can go because it doesn’t seem to git with his theme. Even removing all of those is not enough, he is wy too overpowered. Does he have any limits to his powers?

     Also, why so many aliases? One is sufficent but if you want more, make them variations on the main one. For example, Spiderman is colloquially known as Spidey.

     His history sounds a bit cliched and boring. What makes his background different from all the other heroes who are sent from the home because of war?

     What about his personality? It seems to have been neglected in favour of the ridiculous list of powers.

358. # Ragged Boyon 14 May 2009 at 2:16 pm

     I agree wholeheartedly with Mr. Brit on everything.

     Whoa, that’s quite a ridiculous laundry list of powers. I would strongly recommend cuting about 75% of those.

     Ha, we both have water users. Go Aquarius!

359. # WING BEASTon 14 May 2009 at 3:02 pm

     This is my hero background so what kind of hero do u think he is

     History
     Nahla the King of the Kingdom Brimlad first appearance on the surface world is when he nearly started war with the world considering he thought people from the surface world poison and pollute his kingdom because of dumping toxic waste in the waters of Pacific ocean although he was impelled to stop his invasion in return of an agreement that the surface world wouldn’t dump toxic waste in the waters of the pacific ocean any more. He later came to the surface world to fight alongside the surface world warriors to stop an alien invasion only because it presented danger to his beloved kingdom of Brimlad.
     Personality
     He likes a good battle and quick to engage in a fight. Caring but only to his kind, not a lovely person to be around as his always serious and ill-tempered, unsocial as he never has time to meet and socializing as he is always training, takes his role serious always wants to lead and in some way can be a little bit selfish, autocratic, fearless and above all quick to impose authority to people.

360. # Mr. Briton 14 May 2009 at 3:23 pm

     That sounds a lot more interesting. I like the pollution angle. I also feel that him coming to the surface the first time would be an excellent way to introduce the character before exploring the main plot of the alien invasion.
     
     He has a very unsocial personality so I think you should create a good foil for him. An example of a good foil would be Foreman to House in House MD or Seres to Alucard in Hellsing. Someone who contrasts their personality and provides a more normal, gentler character. Perhaps a human who he is forced to work with in order to present himself as an ally of the human population.
     
     Overall, that’s greatly improved. I still think he needs fewer powers and some sort of limit, but you have a much more interesting character than before. My only question is why does he go to the surface? A fairly simple explanation could be that his society looks to the king to fight for them and take a very active role as opposed to our leaders, who direct troops.

361. # B. Macon 14 May 2009 at 4:51 pm

     Hmm. By my count, we have 13 sets of powers that readers will have to remember. (I’ve listed them at the bottom of this comment).
     
     I think if you’re serious about getting this published, you will probably go farther if you remove all but two or three. Even Superman has only five or so, and that grab-bag approach to powers has kind of gone out of style in the last 30 or 40 years. Can you think of any superheroes that have been published in the last 20 years with this many powers? Except for the Sentry and a few other heroes that are possibly meant to be criticisms of Superman, I can’t.
     
     –superstrength/durability/stamina
     –speed
     –agility
     –longevity
     –telepathic powers
     –bioelectrical powers
     –undersea adaptation/swimming
     –heat/energy resistance
     –healing
     –water manipulation
     –some form of possession based on water manipulation
     –weather control
     –flight
     –enhanced senses (I didn’t count these because pretty much everyone has them)
     
     For Superman, I counted these five:
     –superstrength/durability
     –speed
     –eye-beams
     –cold-breath
     –flight
     –I didn’t count his enhanced senses or x-ray vision.

362. # Warbladeon 15 May 2009 at 11:41 am

     I thought of a new superhero/villain (a little bit). His name is Deity and he comes from a alien God race called the Consecrated. The plot of my story is that England has a secret organization called the S.P.E.C.T.R.E. They deal with all the alien history and cover it up. It’s also a home for runaway aliens who came to Earth. The leader ‘????? General’ created it and uses it as a way to invade other countries. One day when he helps to stop an alien criminal, the race give him a baby but none of them know he is a powerful God of the universe. As time goes on, ????? General begins to connect with the child and adopts him as his own. But once his witnesses the boys power he begins to manipulate him in order to invade and take over other countries and Deity doesn’t know any better. Some time later, Deity begins to question his existence and starts to stand up to his father. Because Deity was little at the time, his father made him believe he was saving the world and gave his Dad a number of powers including immortality and control over all forms of energy and radiation. In the final confrontation when Deity tries to stop his father from releasing a legion of highly advanced spacecrafts to take over USA his steps in resulting in an unpleasant confrontaion between father and son.

     My characters are Deity who can manipulate matter, reality and time. He is also stronger than your average human and is immortal. Lastly, he wields the power of unlimited energy and radiation, he can transmute objects and change their make like turning paper into gold. Due to his fathers tricks and tactics. He can only use his power when in wars.

     There is his father who has the powers above.

     His friend Zeke, who is his first friend and alien, he was given shapeshifting abilities by Deity and also bone manipulation. Molecule manipulation and telepathy.

     What’d you think.

363. # Wingson 15 May 2009 at 1:23 pm

     @ WING BEAST

     That is a whole lot of powers. I’d try to stick with two (Ian has flight and physical healing), or have one that can be used in many different ways (Connor’s aura manipulation is pretty creative: he can form shields, has aura blasts, can read emotions and tell if someone is lying, etc).

     Why not just keep this set: –undersea adaptation/swimming
     –water manipulation
     –some form of possession based on water manipulation
     –healing

     As I have told my sister countless times, a character with flight AND super speed seems kind of (not the word I’m looking for) redundant? Same to water powers AND fire powers.

     Keep it simple,

     -Wings

364. # Stefan the Exploding Manon 15 May 2009 at 8:20 pm

     Warblade, I’m really fond of organisations that have acronyms which form words. What does S.P.E.C.T.R.E. stand for? And could it be shortened to just SPECTRE? I’m also not certain how your general uses the organisation to invade other countries. Could you elaborate?

     Since your character can manipulate matter AND reality AND time, he can basically do anything and it’s hard to challenge him. And being stronger than the average human is really kind of redundant next to his godly powers.

365. # Warbladeon 16 May 2009 at 1:29 am

     The general uses the organisation to turn runaway aliens into supersoldiers. He would then use them to invade other countries. Deity may have power but he can’t use it for his own needs due to his father’s mind games. I’m not really sure what S.P.E.C.T.R.E. stands for. It just sounds nice.

366. # Mr. Briton 16 May 2009 at 1:33 am

     If you don’t know what it means, ditch it. People probably won’t accept an acronym unless they know what it means or are assured that there is a meaning they will learn eventually (for example, the CHERUB books. The titular CHERUB organisation is an acronym but only the first two words are known, the rest having been lost over time). Do not keep it because it sounds nice, give it a meaning.

367. # Warbladeon 16 May 2009 at 3:21 am

     I’ve changed it around a bit, how’s this.

     His race is a god race, they have all the power in the universe (including Deity) but they don’t use it because of their nature. They only use their powers to for the needs of other living beings not themselves. Instead of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. I’ve changed it to I.A.O which stands for International Alien Organisation.

     What’d you think of this.

368. # Mr. Briton 16 May 2009 at 5:39 am

     Tom, I don’t think it was revealed in story but the author has confirmed that those are indeed the first two words.

369. # JAMMYJon 16 May 2009 at 6:17 am

     Hey, everyone. I just wanted to know what people think of the superhero I’m creating. He can make a forcefield around his body (like an invisible second skin) that can withstand any force but at a cost of becoming extremely exhausted. He can also shoot his forcefields to do a variety of things from knocking back enemies to devastating small buildings. His forcefields give him superhuman strength. I thought I’d give him a floors, so he has an extremely short temper.

     What do you think?

370. # Ragged Boyon 17 May 2009 at 1:06 pm

     Hola, Jammy J

     You’re character seems very similar to the minor Marvel mutant Armor. She has pretty much the same ability. This could be a later issue, but I’m not sure. I like the concept, though.

     Ola, Warblade, you said:
     “His race is a god race, they have all the power in the universe (including Deity) but they don’t use it because of their nature. They only use their powers for the needs of other living beings not themselves.”

     This feels like an internal obstacle, which are usually unsatisfying. I recommend having an actual limitation for their power use. You could do this like Bruce Almighty, in which his powers simply didn’t work when he tried to bend the rules.

371. # Warbladeon 18 May 2009 at 11:02 am

     Yeah. I kinda wanted them to be this pure race who has all the power but they cannot use it for their own needs. They just go around helping other people.

372. # Warbladeon 18 May 2009 at 11:50 am

     I actually came up with a new story about a boy, a prince. He’s a prince of a rich planet but was banished to a war planet due to him being incredibly spoilt. Upon arriving on the planet he is captured by some bounty hunters and forced to become a gladiator where he must fight vicious monsters for survival

373. # notsohottopicon 18 May 2009 at 8:46 pm

     I’m having trouble finding unique abilities for my characters, it takes awhile. The plot is sequenced properly, and the idea’s going in an unknown direction.

     Kir: Female, a viral parasite(brings science to shame, sorry) that has sucessfully invaded the host’s brain and has taken over the conciousness of the body. There’s no struggle for mind-body control for most of the plot because the parasite has already ‘won’, I guess. Key notes:

     The virus explanation:
     -Hosts are ideally humans, but animals and plant beings are also infected sometimes.
     -The parasite travels through the host’s bloodstream, passed on through bodily fluids. There are more than one parasite in the body, all compete to reach the brain first in order to gain control of the brain.
     -The dominant parasite that reaches the brain first usually allows the other parasites to live within the host as well, and they must obey the dominant parasite in return.
     -Since some parasites may linger in the bloodstream, when they are expelled out of the body inside the blood, they prioritize to enter a new host. The expelled blood will start moving rapidly to enter the bloodstream of another host through, let’s say, an injury or cut of the host.

     Abilities:
     -Kir(the dominant parasite takes on the identity of the host)can instruct the parasites into restructuring the host’s DNA. It takes a long period of time depending on how extreme the mutation is. Changing physical features(facial structure, eye colour) will take a few months. More complex traits(nearly inhuman speed, strength, faster regeneration)can take years.
     -Again, depending on whether or not Kir orders it, faster regeneration is possible. Varies in speed, whether or not the injury involves complex restructuring.

     Weaknesses/Disadvantages:
     -Regrowth of a limb is impossible. Reattachment of the limbs possible if ordered.
     -Probability that the DNA can screw up, turn into something undesirable.
     -If Kir is mortally injury anywhere neck up, the entire body dies. If she cannot properly command the parasites, they won’t act and will escape out of the wound and into different hosts.
     -Sleep deprivation, or else parasite Kir will lose conciousness of the body to another parasite, or to the original owner of Kir’s body, which would be Kir(what).

     So as you can tell, too long. I need to simplify the abilities and limits. Can anyone please help fish out a few flaws as well? Thanks…

374. # Warbladeon 18 May 2009 at 11:24 pm

     How does Kir and the other parasites travel when not inside a body? When Kir takes over the host’ body, what does she plan to do because she’s just a parasite?

375. # Warbladeon 19 May 2009 at 11:48 am

     I’m gonna show you a new piece of my story, It’s about a boy who is kidnapped to compete in a cosmic game to save the human race.

     “Man, stop staring at her,” Ben whispered, lightly hitting Zeke on his head with his pencil. He waited for a response but Zeke was too lost in his head to even realise what was going on. Zeke had been crushing on Theresa and she only had been in the school for a couple of days. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but there was something about her would just make him smile without even realising. There was just this aura about her which made Zeke say ‘Someday, she is going to be my wife’ every time he laid eyes on her. He would always dream about her while sleeping; going bowling or even having a nice romantic dinner on a beach where you could see the colourful horizon. Sometimes on rare occasions he would start daydreaming about her doing stuff to him. Ben is really surprised that she has never actually seen Zeke staring at her like a predator watches its prey. Ben then softly punched Zeke in his arm “Seriously dude, you got to stop. You’re making me look bad” The love must have got to Zeke’s head because it seemed like he didn’t even feel it “Someday, she is going to—” Ben quickly cut him off as usual “be my wife, I get it” Zeke and Ben were long time friends, going back to even their birth. They were born on the same day at the same time, they like the same things, except their taste in women. Both Zeke and Ben are in year ten; despite the fact that they were held back a year because their horrible grades. They were students, kind of nerds a little in their own world. They both are too scared to disobey the teacher’s orders and always find ways to stand out in the crowd. “You’re not even listening to—,” Zeke quickly put his hand on Ben’s mouth “Isn’t she just an angel. I mean look at her. Her blond hair just dazzles me and her eyes. Oh my God. I wish you could feel what I’m feeling. You know what; I’m going to ask her out”
     Before Zeke could blabber more and fantasise about Theresa the teacher slammed a thesaurus on her desk which most certainly got Zeke’s attention “Class is over guys, have a good weekend. Oh and remember to revise for the pop quiz on Monday because I can’t have kids scraping out a E” The teacher immediately looked at Zeke and locked eyes with his “Why do I have a weird feeling that he is directly that statement at me,” Zeke said as he looked at Ben giving him a What-Is-This-Guy-On look, a dim smile awoke on his face as he quickly ran to Theresa. “Hey Theresa,” She could immediately see the desperation in his eyes; it didn’t take her long to figure out what he was going to say. “I was wondering, if you’re not busy this week, maybe. You want—” She quickly interrupted “go out” Zeke paused and drifted away into her eyes. Her face was so sweet and innocent. He felt like touching her tanned skin. Zeke began to feel a bit embarrassed because he could feel something going on in his trousers “Um, Yeah. So, what’d you say”

376. # notsohottopicon 19 May 2009 at 9:33 pm

     RaggedBoy and Warblade:

     How does Kir and the other parasites travel when not inside a body?
     The virus doesn’t have much documented information in the universe, since the virus is relatively unknown and rarely detected. The parasites travel through fluids, higher potential of taking in a host during rainy season.

     When Kir takes over the host’ body, what does she plan to do because she’s just a parasite?

     The basic instinct for all parasites is to reproduce, and they all have a higher chance of survival if they find living hosts. While the parasites are typically simple-minded, Kir realizes how complex human life is. As a result, the curiosity deepends and she wants to fully become human by understanding their nature.

     Backstory(warning: highly underdeveloped and non sequitur):
     Chosen by the Sages, Kir is one of the many thousands instructed as gatekeepers to different destinations; parallel universes, time loops, unknown worlds. 232(a character’s name…yeah)discovers that the Sages prophecized that his technologically advanced world will perish(overpopulation, famine, disease), unless if they conquer all of the other worlds by using the gates. He is compelled to close all of the gates leading to his world, and goes on a journey to persuade the gatekeepers to close the portals.

     Brief intro of main characters made up so far:

     232: Male, roughly in his twenties. Can shapeshift into a murder of crows, able to spy from the crows’ point of views from different locations. Holds utilitarian philosophy greatly as a cultural belief; what will benefit the majority is the right decision. Selfless, but unable to think for himself.

     Kir: Female, physical body 17, parasite is 5 yrs. Able to manipulate the host’s DNA into having any characteristic she wants. Still has trouble mastering human nature, wishes to learn more about others. Highly hedonistic and selfish, little sense of self-sacrifice.

     Xo: Male, physical body in late 30s. Has pansociobiological linguistics; able to communicate with any natural organisms from bacterial strains to ancient oak trees. Previously a shaman to a tribe that was wiped out by a virus he instructed, because they kicked him out. Wants to return to civilization, after being alone for so long.

     I’m hoping I’m not complicating anything too much, but thanks for the questions(didn’t think about them before).

377. # Bretton 20 May 2009 at 4:36 am

     Wow. This is pretty good. But i’m wondering, is the parasite the protagonist? If so, try to make her? more sympathetic. Parasites and symbiotes (see venom and carnage) are usually not too likeable. You could fix this by having the Kir-parasite learning more beneficent human traits or giving her more of a give-and-take partnership with her host, exchanging life and resources for enhanced brainpower and supernatural abilities perhaps.

     Also, this might be more difficult, but if the Parasite personality and Kir’s natural personality became “friends” of a sort, then we could see mental arguing if the disagree on something, which would be kinda cool.

     Just a few thoughts.

378. # notsohottopicon 20 May 2009 at 9:06 am

     Brett:

     It’s harder to make her the protagonist, but yes, parasite-Kir is the protagonist. The original Kir is no longer fighting for possession for the body anymore, the parasite has already ‘won’. If I made her an antagonist, she has too much potential to become two-dimensional, and having a one-track mind, lol. However, I’m thinking of also adding that one’s conciousness cannot be completely eradicated. You mentioned something about their personality being ‘friends’, or disputing. Hm…

     I suppose original Kir’s residual conciousness within the body can serve as an often-ignored conscience, or the body’s unconciousness. I had an idea awhile ago that parasite-Kir is often sleep deprived because during sleep, another parasite can take over the brain, or that the original Kir can take over the body once again.

     Anyways, thanks for the feedback.

379. # notsohottopicon 20 May 2009 at 1:31 pm

     I guess I should add in some more unique superpowers onto the list.

     Metaphysical Manipulation from comicbook series “The Invisibles”: Using a secret alphabet, the ability to manipulate and rewrite the laws of reality.

     Kira Izuru’s Zanpaktou from Bleach: Anything that touches his sword will double in weight. Sound lame, right? Considering that nearly everyone in that universe all fight with swords, it would take less than 10 blows to render their weapons useless.

     Katara from Avatar: Originally, she is an elemental user(water), but she can also blood-bend. Can control people like puppets, basically.

380. # JAMMYJon 23 May 2009 at 5:53 am

     Hey everyone its me again wanted to share another idea for a hero. This hero can turn into a dinosaur/humanoid like creature, his skin turns into scales which are harder than diamond’s. The heros teeth and claws can cut through any known material, he possesses super human strenght, durability and refelxes.

381. # Ragged Boyon 23 May 2009 at 6:22 am

     Hmm, I think this is another case of a character that has invulnerability. I think having skin harder than diamond is a little too much. Its seems that this character can’t get hurt which is boring. With the addition of superstrength and claws he’s a tank.

     I’d recommend reducing the strength of his skin or removing superstrength.

382. # notsohottopicon 25 May 2009 at 4:29 pm

     Hm, it’s one of those moral dilemnas. I think it’s important if you answer that question yourself actually, whether or not Justice dies. Those kinds of moral dilemnas never have the right or wrong answers either way.

     Anyways, a few questions:

     A)How does Justice cause the world to end? The world could end in warfare, disease, famine, etc. Justice has to be a direct link to these cases, the world doesn’t simply shut down and dissolve into darkness one day.

     B)How does Justice know himself that he will end the world? How about the people who want to hunt him down?

     C)What evidence supports the belief of the people who hunt Justice? I mean, if you’ve ever met one of those street preachers in the city, who yell doom and damnation for everyone, very few actually stop to listen to him. Likewise, people can’t just know these things. There should be a valid and strong excuse for one to dedicate their whole life into hunting Justice.

383. # Warbladeon 26 May 2009 at 1:33 am

     Good questions

     A) Hope I this makes sense. Justice is the physical manifestation of judgement day as written in the scriptures. On his birthday a meteor with hit earth and due to the effects of global warming some disasters will happen. A little later, the sun will explode destroying earth and everyone on it.

     B) Justice always had the ability to bring unexpected justice on some people but as some ancient scripture said, one boy with the power to bring justice. Will bring apaclypse on us all (hope thats good enough)

     C) A group called the Descendants have been diciphering a code written in an unknown language and it refers to Justice. They actaully work with Military, so they have an arsenal of weapons.

     I kind of got the idea from 2012

384. # Soloon 01 Jun 2009 at 11:47 am

     I made this superhero of myself.

     Solo

     Solo is a mutant with the ability to absorb/drain the life force from any living organism. Solo is able to use the energy he absorbs for the uses of superhuman strength. His strength increases while he continues to absorb life force so there actually isn’t a limit to this feature. He also gains incredible speed, stamina, durability and energy control. Just as his strength, these abilities depend on the life force absorbed. Solo can channel and manipulate all forms of energy for virtually any use, with feats including size shifting, molecular manipulation, space travel, intangibility, energy projection and virtual invulnerability. Solo is able to flight with the use of energy and he can use great amounts of it to multiply his strength for short periods of time, again depending on the life force absorb.

385. # Tomon 01 Jun 2009 at 12:23 pm

     Hmm… how dark do you intend to go with this power. Because I can imagine it going VERY dark. Especially if you make it so he can’t touch anyone without absorbing their life force. But don’t go there, it’s been done a million times.

     But seriously, when he absorbs the life force, what happens to the victim? Do they get physically weakened? Do they die? Do they fall unconscious?

     Also, super-strength, speed, stamina, durability, energy control, flight, size shifting, molecular manipulation, space travel, intangibility, energy projection, invulnerability. That’s a lot of powers he can get. Just to start off with I’d get rid of energy control, intangibility, size shifting, molecular manipulation, energy projection and virtual invulnerability. That leaves you with strength, speed, stamina, durability, flight, space travel and not invulnerability but maybe just higher resistance to blows.

     But it’s an interesting idea, similar to Rogue from X-Men but with enough differences to be original.

386. # Ragged Boyon 01 Jun 2009 at 12:29 pm

     Hiya, Solo.
     
     I recommend being careful with a character that’s a self-insert, it usually leads to Mary Sue issues . As of now the character already seems to be suffering from two major Mary Sue symptoms. He’s overly powerful and he’s a cooler version of the author, I presume. I think he has too many powers and giving a character a multitude of abilities makes it harder to create interesting scenes.
     
     Life Force Absorption
     Superstrength
     Superspeed
     Generally Increased Physicality
     Energy Control over all forms of energy
     Size shifting
     Molecular manipulation
     Space Travel
     No need to breath (not stated, but implied)
     Intangibility
     Energy Projection
     Invulnerability
     
     For starters, I don’t recommend putting the superstrength and invulnerability set in addition to the list of powers he had now. Those two powers together turn the character into a a tank, and tanks are generally boring. I’d also recommend choosing one out of superstrength or superspeed. Having both will make it hard to challenge him.
     
     I’d recommend cutting most of the powers he gets from manipulating energy, like molecular manipulation and intangibility, and just keeping general energy control.
     
     Life energy absorption
     Superstrength
     Energy control
     Increased Physicality
     Energy Projection
     
     I think this bunch would work much better and allow you to show your creativity.
     
     What do you think?

387. # Ragged Boyon 01 Jun 2009 at 12:51 pm

     Funny, my main protaganist is also somewhat a self-insert. So I’m not saying that it’s impossible to do one, although, portraying you explicitly may come off as amatuerish. I just saying it’d be best if you give the character some defining traits that are different from you. For example, Adrian (my character) is far more outgoing and positive than I am.

388. # Tomon 01 Jun 2009 at 1:03 pm

     My main character started off as a self-insert. But since then I’ve managed to distance myself from him… to an extent…

389. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 02 Jun 2009 at 6:13 am

     When I wrote short stories as a child, most of my main characters were blatant self inserts. I have actually grown to hate most of my old protagonists because they were such Sues. That’s one reason why I made my main character a guy:

     1) I wrote girls so often before that I got tired of it.
     2) I don’t really care whether a main character is male or female.
     3) There are things that can be better explored from a male perspective than a female one. Eg, most girls wouldn’t go crazy at a high school soccer game.
     4) By making my character a guy, I have avoided most opportunities for him to be a self insert. I share a few fears with Isaac, and an age group, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

390. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 02 Jun 2009 at 6:15 am

     My above comment was in response to RB and Tom’s comments.

391. # Ragged Boyon 02 Jun 2009 at 6:26 am

     Most of my characters are pretty similar to me in some ways. Most blatantly, their all artists of some type (Adrian=Actor, Kenna=Graffiti Artist) and often times their names start with A (I don’t do it on purpose, I just love A names). I was planning to name a character Archibald. *facepalms*

     I think I’ve made myself separate from Adrian enough to avoid Mary Sue-ism. His most prominent Sue trait is a unstable position between authority figures.

392. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 02 Jun 2009 at 6:34 am

     I think all writers put a little of themselves into their characters. Eg, Isaac has my fears, Kate has some of my randomness, Rana has my peacekeeping ability etc.

393. # notsohottopicon 03 Jun 2009 at 3:34 pm

     It seems like you have the impression that most of us on here are wishful dreamers with dead end jobs, living inside the fantasies in our heads. I’m 16, and I’m not writing/drawing for profit, I’m just doing it because I feel like it.
     
     Well, this IS a help website for superhero writing. Complaining about help comments here is like going to a suicide help website and complaining about all of the manic depressives that post on there.

394. # B. Macon 03 Jun 2009 at 3:36 pm

     “Complaining about help comments here is like going to a suicide help website and complaining about all of the manic depressives that post on there.” Haha! I love that analogy.

395. # Nic_Ton 03 Jun 2009 at 5:45 pm

     set in a future time line where the gov’t is controlled by a group of villainous dictators (an official gov’t party and the full nine yards) which is the consequence of decisions made by the modern-age heroes. Therefore there are liberation sects across the globe under the guise of ‘the rebellion” (working title). The story will focus on a group of 5 teenagers and there mentor as they progress of their crusade of free world.

     I guess that would be a quick synopsis.

396. # Trollitradeon 03 Jun 2009 at 7:32 pm

     That sounds awesome, Nic. xD The villainous dictators have their own government party, LOL.
     It really does sound like an interesting set-up.
     If something like an international league of supervillains was actually elected or chosen to rule the globe (at some point in history), then it would be interesting for the rebellion to try reversing those mistakes and overthrow the evil rulers.
     I wonder how the heroes from the past managed to get these supervillains IN CHARGE in the future? O_O;; Geez…
     I’m interested to hear about the five heroes you’ve got for your story. n__n
     Characters are always the most interesting to me.

397. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 07 Jun 2009 at 7:36 pm

     “The majority of black superheroes aren’t well written”.

     That’s why I’m taking extra care with Klemente and Atalya. Even though they won’t be introduced for ages, I’ve been thinking a lot about their personalities and motivations. I try to keep a diverse cast, but I’m not trying to make a Five Token Band. Every character’s background is based off someone I have met in real life, so that should keep it realistic and not like Captain Planet.

     Hey, have you ever thought about that? There’s a North American, a South American, a European, an African and an Asian. Looks like Australia is screwed. Haha.

398. # Eren Ramzion 15 Jun 2009 at 7:25 am

     So there’s been other posters that’ve been using Paladin for their superheroes? Cool. I got a Sentry in my comic, too. He’s basically like a evil Superman but not nearly as powerful nor as Marvel’s Sentry. I basically took the idea – what if there was a Superman who was this boy scout and true all-American hero for the public’s sake and behind the scenes was a evil, manipulative super-villain who controlled the city government of Seattle and actually created a lot of the super-villains Paladin battles.

399. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 17 Jun 2009 at 11:24 pm

     “So there’s been other posters that’ve been using Paladin for their superheroes? Cool. I got a Sentry in my comic, too”.

     My Paladin is a hacker/inventor/superhero who works as part of a team. My Sentry is a girl who was bedridden with a horrible disease, and when her father bought a last-ditch cure – a medicine developed by the military using the Guardian’s DNA – she gained superpowers like his and got better.

400. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 19 Jun 2009 at 6:52 pm

     “Can I find out more about your Paladin on your review forum? He sounds pretty cool as well”.

     There isn’t much about him there, all my plans for him have been posted on several different places. I plan to introduce him in the third book, and my review forum is mostly for the first. Likewise, Sentry will be introduced in the second.

     I can post something about him on my forum, though, if you want. I have a million notes scattered around in my computer. Haha. I used to carry a notebook around when I was little, taking notes on everything.

401. # black caton 21 Jun 2009 at 5:48 pm

     What about a hero who can use his blood as a weapon? Or a person who can use their inner Chi to make themselves more powerful or create a sheild?

402. # Chevalieron 21 Jun 2009 at 7:08 pm

     If you want to see a guy use his blood as a weapon check out this clip from Speed Grapher http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fSI7fMXrYI. It starts about two minutes in.

403. # Don 22 Jun 2009 at 12:50 pm

     Hey everyone! Wow, first of all, I just want to say that this site is absolutely fabulous! I’ve been reading tons of articles and tips of advice for the past few days now (got writer’s block – that vile thing!), and really, the stuff on here is invaluable. Kudos to everyone on here!

     So, for my question..
     How would I go about showing mind-to-mind communication in novel format?
     Like, would I use italics, single quotes, double quotes, etc, etc.?

     Any advice would be appreciated! And I will definitely be posting more around this site – god knows I need help writing a decent novel.

     D.

404. # Holliequon 22 Jun 2009 at 3:35 pm

     I actually have a similar sort of problem in a novel I’m planning to write at some point. (Well, one of the characters is a ghost, so his speech will be different. Close enough).

     I was going to do something like this, said Holliequ.

     Just plain old italics might work too. You just have to watch out for confusing the characters, though.

405. # Don 22 Jun 2009 at 4:08 pm

     Hey, thanks for writing Holliequ!
     I was thinking italics too, but just like you said, I wanted to be able to distinguish between the telepathy guy and the person he’s communicating with.
     Currently, I have it something like this:

     Warren scowled darkly, rubbing his temple, and Adam responded, ‘Hey, this is the only entertainment I’ve had for weeks. Cut me some slack, man.’

     ‘Yeah, yeah,’ Warren grumbled.

406. # Holliequon 22 Jun 2009 at 4:28 pm

     Hmm . . . the guy with telepathy is essentially projecting his thoughts, right? What would you think of:

     Hello! D announced brightly.
     Ack! Get out of my head Holliequ wailed.

     In case it’s not clear, the telepath’s thoughts are in bold italics. I’m not sure how feasible this is, but it’s a fairly simple way of showing who is who.

     How long will your mind-conversations be? If they’re going to go on for more than a few exchanges, I would probably recommend using single quote marks instead. It’s not quite as clear, but a long conversation of italics and/or bold font will probably start to get irritating.

407. # Don 22 Jun 2009 at 5:00 pm

     Ah, the bold! That’s just a big no-no for me.
     The convos will be pretty brief. Yes, the guy w/ telepathy is projecting his thoughts into whoever.
     I suppose maybe it’s not so important to indicate who the telepath is.. Hhm.. The reader will know that if there’s a telepathic convo, the telepath guy has to be participating.
     I mean, in (dare I say) Twilight, the wolves have convos in all italics, but I can’t quite remember how/if they interacted w/ non-wolves.
     The more I think about it, maybe this isn’t such an important detail and I should just stick with italics!
     Phew!

408. # Wingson 22 Jun 2009 at 5:10 pm

     Hello, D.

     Wow, another user with a single-letter username. First P, then you…

     Anyway, whatcha writing?

     - Wings

409. # Don 22 Jun 2009 at 7:47 pm

     Hey Wings & David!

     @Wings: I’m writing a superhero/drama fic about a band of four guys that get powers in a really bad accident. Don’t wanna give away too much, cause it’s still in the works:)
     It’s a little on the tough side to write because a) I’m not famous/in a band & b) I’m not a guy. lol.

     @David: I didn’t understand that… brackets? would it be like this?
     –
     Warren scowled darkly, rubbing his temple, and Adam responded, ((Hey, this is the only entertainment I’ve had for weeks. Cut me some slack, man.))

     ((Yeah, yeah,)) Warren grumbled.
     —
     That looks kinda cool. Like sound waves or something. lol.

     Thanks for the input everyone! You guys are speedy

410. # B. Macon 22 Jun 2009 at 8:33 pm

     Animorphs used greater-than signs and less-than signs, as David noted.
     
     If your story is first-person, you could probably use italics.

411. # Don 22 Jun 2009 at 9:42 pm

     Ohh, those signs. I didn’t get that the first time around! BTW, hi B. Mac!
     And my story is in third-person omniscient.
     I’m just a helluva lot confused right now.
     Is it or is it not important to distinguish the telepath in telepathic communications?

412. # B. Macon 22 Jun 2009 at 10:38 pm

     Hello. Welcome to SN.
     
     Distinguishing the “speaker” in a telepathic conversation is probably not as important as in regular conversation. But I think that’s mainly because telepathic communication is best used as a least-awful solution for premises that make it hard for the characters to talk regularly. For example, the Animorphs series had to use something like telepathy because the characters spent so much time in animal forms that couldn’t speak. If you’re doing a novel, I’d recommend against doing a lot of telepathic conversations unless you really need to. (It’s a bit easier to follow telepathic conversations in comic books).
     
     If you’d like to use a lot of telepathy, I’d recommend that you…
     –Keep the characters’ voices distinct. This is particularly important in telepathic conversations because they can’t use tags like “John said” as easily. For example, if two characters start a conversation with “greetings!” and “sup!”, it should be obvious who said what.
     
     –Limit the scenes to as few characters as possible. Having more than three telepathic speakers would probably get pretty confusing.
     
     –You can pretty much tag the conversation by having the narrator describe what the character hears. “Sam’s booming voice echoed in his head.”
     
     –If all else fails, have the characters address their lines. “Greetings, John!”

413. # Don 23 Jun 2009 at 10:17 am

     @B. Mac: Alright, so considering all that you said, I think I’ll be okay just using italics for the participants in telepathic communications. My convos only happen when needed and only with 2 people. Yay! I’m glad that’s down! Thanks!

     @David: Nawh, I got no superhero named D.

414. # Don 23 Jun 2009 at 10:44 am

     Sure thing, if I have the guts to post it! I’ve been a fanfiction writer for years so I’ve never got useful/honest reviews!
     
     We’ll see how it goes down, but I’ll hold you to your offer!

415. # Don 23 Jun 2009 at 11:31 am

     Thanks, B. Mac.
     
     Yeah, that’s why I try to keep only one story going at a time. The last one I wrote, and it was a fanfiction, was about 80,000 words and took me about a year. I don’t know how I pulled that off.
     
     And now that I’m writing an original fiction, it’s tougher because my characters aren’t already established.
     
     Hopefully, I’ll make it. I have all summer.

416. # Tomon 25 Jun 2009 at 2:15 pm

     Is it worth going for the online subscription thing to read all the comics? It’s worth noting that there are several issues missing from their online database. At least for Ultimate Spider-Man.

417. # Marvel Maniacon 25 Jun 2009 at 2:44 pm

     It would be cheaper than buying them at comic book stores. There are several issues missing but it is a website and they have experienced certain problems. You can always talk to the website administrators and ask for the copies. I’ve already done this once and was given the online digital copy to read.
     
     I don’t think they have a problem if you are a subscriber.

418. # Marvel Maniacon 03 Jul 2009 at 7:50 pm

     This sucks. I still can’t find that other half of the list.

419. # Captain Dark Forceon 04 Jul 2009 at 4:25 am

     I’m trying to make a comic where hell’s demons defeat heaven’s angels. Do you think it will cause a problem with religious groups?

420. # Marissaon 04 Jul 2009 at 6:44 am

     I personally think that you should get it written before you worry about who it causes problems with.

     There’s a very slim chance that anything we write will get published anyway, so it’s better to worry about more important things like the aspects of writing it.

421. # Ragged Boyon 04 Jul 2009 at 4:33 pm

     “I’m trying to make a comic where Hell’s demons defeat Heaven’s angels. Do you think it would cause a problem with religious groups?”

     Unless you make a lot of reference to religious ideas I think you should be okay. Is this David?

422. # B. Macon 05 Jul 2009 at 2:43 am

     Hello, Ragged Boy. I don’t think that Captain Dark Force is the same person as David.
     
     …
     
     Hello, Captain Dark Force. I agree with Marissa. Although the concept sounds a bit dystopian and depressing, I don’t think that the potential backlash from religious groups would scare publishers away if they thought the book was otherwise worth publishing. After all, in the past few years, the industry has published highly irreverent (possibly disrespectful) takes on religious figures like Battle Pope and Preacher as well as gritty hell vs. heaven conflicts like Spawn and Hellblazer. So something like this could conceivably work.
     
     However, the best way to actually make it work is to write the story. Please let me know if you need reviewers.
     
     …
     I agree with Ragged Boy that it might be tricky to endorse a particular religion. However, avoiding religious elements entirely is probably not necessary or possible in this case. Angels and demons will obviously play a major role in a series about a war between heaven and hell.

423. # Davidon 05 Jul 2009 at 9:07 am

     Hey, you’re right, it wasn’t me. Although I’m using an angel and a winged Demon, they’re not at war. And I’m using old religions that no longer exist, so I’m not worried about that.

424. # Chandleron 14 Jul 2009 at 7:13 pm

     Hey guys. What about this?

     The K’dapt is a group founded on the precepts of Sephora, its founder. She taught that there were five levels of psychic potential.

     The five levels are:

     Level One: ESP (Extrasensory Perception
     Level Two: Telepathy/Clairvoyance
     Level Three: OBE (Outer Body Experience) Empathy
     Level Four: Psychokinesis (including, Pyrokinesis, biokinesis)
     Level Five: Mind over Matter.

425. # Roon 20 Jul 2009 at 7:59 pm

     Hey what do you guys think about this ability…and do you think its too much?

     Vocifery, also known as Command is the amazing ability to speak nearly anything into existence. Almost any event or being the user of this ability speaks will come true instantly. The only hitch is that no vocifer, except God, can ever speak death, devastation, destruction or defeat on any foe or subject, thanks to the words of the first vocifer.

     also what kind of limitations would you put on it?

426. # B. Macon 20 Jul 2009 at 8:17 pm

     Too much, probably. I suspect that it’d be too hard to come up with challenges for a character that had such an ability. If the character is locked in a dungeon, he just wishes himself home or wishes for the key or whatever. If the enemy army is massing, he just summons bajillions of warriors to fight for him.
     
     Genie stories did wishes better, I think. If there are only three wishes, then each wish is precious. That also gives the character more room to be witty. How much can you do with each wish?
     
     One possible restriction… the wisher has to possess a particular item, usually the lamp.
     
     Another possible restriction… each wish takes something from the character. If the character wishes for something great, it might consume him. (That’ll keep your characters from asking for ridiculous things like bajillions of soldiers).
     
     You’ll probably want to rule out resurrection, time-travel, immortality/invulnerability, etc.
     
     Another possible restriction… wishes might have a tendency to backfire. (For example, if you conjure up an army, there is no guarantee that it will actually fight in the way you want it to). If at all possible to solve your problems without using a wish, it is safer to do so. That will encourage your characters to come up with genuinely impressive solutions that rely on skill and cleverness rather than a magical talent.

427. # undereateron 22 Jul 2009 at 3:05 pm

     Alter ego : Devin Williamson
     Team affiliations : None
     Notable aliases : The eyes or Black eye
     Abilities : Death eyes
     
     Origins
     Black Eye is not a super villain or superhero but a deranged psycho killer that butchered his entire family. After the trial he was imprisoned for 134 years without any chance of parole. Black Eye was found in a dump site where the foster family he butchered took him in their home. His origins are still unknown.
     
     His eyes are known as the death eyes. If he makes eye contact with any living organisms, it directly ends that living organism life force instantly. He can shoot out a beam of purple light known as death contact which can kill any living thing that it comes in contact with, he can manipulate the eye energy to make force fields and levitate.
     
     What do you think of this character? Is he too powerful?

428. # Davidon 22 Jul 2009 at 3:59 pm

     Doesn’t the fact that he’s a deranged psycho killer put him on the villain side?

429. # Ragged Boyon 22 Jul 2009 at 4:46 pm

     Too be frank, I think he’s way too overpowered and a seemingly unlikeable character. His background is depressing and his personality isn’t attractive. Is there anything good about him? If not, I’d recommend reworking the character and origin completely. I think this character can work if the story is about him seeking redemption for the wrongs that he’s done, but if the story’s just about him killing, it probably won’t get published.

     I think you should add a strong limitation if you want a power that strong. Although, I don’t think a death stare would make for interesting action scene. I think a good limitation would be a set number of death stares he can do before he dies himself or maybe whenever he does he loses life force. That way he couldn’t just use his powers recklessly.

     What are you planning as the actual story?

430. # B. Macon 22 Jul 2009 at 6:42 pm

     Hello, Undereater.
     
     I’d like to second David’s thought here. If he’s (ahem) “a deranged psycho killer,” I’d have trouble imagining him as anything other than a faceless horror villain, like Mike Myers in Halloween. Right now, it sounds like you’re planning on using him as the focal point of the story, like the main character. I don’t think that will work here. I feel that he needs a lot more personality and style before he can succeed as a villain-as-main-character (like Dexter, say).
     
     I agree with RB that his fight scenes will probably not be terribly interesting, particularly if he is the main character. Typically, the main character needs to be challenged more than the antagonist and the main character usually gets in more fights. Another problem is that I think it would be very hard to draw out his fights to a satisfying conclusion. If he kills someone on eye-contact, I imagine his fights will be very short. Do you think you could draw out his fight scenes a few pages?

431. # BrainStormeron 29 Jul 2009 at 4:42 pm

     There are also some superpowers like solidification and exploding blood from DTB.

432. # Chandleron 29 Jul 2009 at 9:55 pm

     I was thinking of creating a Hulk character, and I guess his name would be Proteus. Instead of his creation having a scientific basis, I’d give it a supernatural basis. For instance, a history professor discovers an ancient text, and taps into this curse called the “Primal Force” (which affected a man thousands of years ago), causing the history professor to undergo this transformation to a beast?

     What do you guys think?

433. # B. Macon 29 Jul 2009 at 11:49 pm

     I think quasi-scientific origins are somewhat more popular and are easier to get published, but it could possibly work. The concept is remotely similar to DC’s Jason Blood (who turns into Etrigan), so it’s not impossible.
     
     That said, if you’re interested in doing this as a comic book, it’d be uncomfortably niche. In Western (non-manga) comic books, magical origins do not typically sell very well. Dr. Strange, Zatanna, Etrigan and the like typically do not sell well enough to leave an editor’s heart beating in anticipation.
     
     However, novel-readers (and publishers) are typically more receptive to fantasy and magic.

434. # Sammuuon 20 Aug 2009 at 6:51 am

     Captain Light (Sun Kim)
     Captain Light
     
     Real name: Pytros (birth name): Sun Kim Wong (adopted name)
     Alias: Captain Light
     Identity: secret
     Race: Novarian
     Affiliations: League of superpowered
     Relatives: Maxtrus (birth father) Uma (birth mother) Jimmy Wong (adoptive father) and Lee Wong (second adoptive father)
     Citizenship: Citizen of America
     Gender: Male
     Height: 6’5”
     Weight: 255 lbs
     Eyes: Green
     Hair: Blonde
     Marital Status: Single
     Occupation: Superhero
     Origin: Sent to earth by his warrior dad to avoid execution in his home world. Pytros would become a superhero in earth.
     Place of Birth: Avon, Novaron
     
     History
     Pytros was the son of Queen Uma and Maxtrus the greatest warrior in planet Novaron, but when King Delco the husband of Queen Uma found out that his heir and son was not his at all he got so furious he ordered the execution of his wife and general at once in the last attempt to save her son Queen Uma decided to hide her son inside a trading ship that was heading to a nearby planet to trade. While in space the ship was accidently blasted by meteor showers and crash landed on earth. Landing on earth, Pytros was found in Central Park (New York City) by Jimmy Wong and Lee Wong, who adopted him as their son and raised him.
     
     Powers and Abilities
     He can manipulate light to generate force-fields and shoot light-beams from his hand. He has superhuman strength and can lift more than 70 tons with ease, lift mountains with little effort. His strength depends on how much energy he has absorbed, so he could lift in excess of 250 tons. He has superhuman speed and can run a mile per second and can fly at the speed of light. He tends to fly at the speed of 23 miles per second in the atmosphere. He has great maneuverability in the air (like flying backwards and lifting heavy objects), superhuman durability and healing. His most powerful attack, solar flare, is an energy beam fired from his eyes that can blind an entire town.

435. # B. Macon 20 Aug 2009 at 9:15 am

     Hello, Sammuu. Here are some thoughts and suggestions.
     
     –This character has three sets of names (Captain Light, Pytros and Sun Kim Wong). I’d recommend bringing it to two.
     
     –By my count, we get about 150 words on his origin story/backstory/family. And another 230 words on his superpowers. These are not remotely as important as his personality and traits. I would strongly, strongly recommend developing your characters more. You might find this article useful.
     
     –I think the powers for Captain Light strike me as more workable than Zael’s did. (Erm, at least I assume you are the same author that did Zael). However… when you submit to publishers, do you think you could cut down the 230 words on Light’s superpowers into 1-3 sentences? Ideally, one or two sentences totaling a max of 20 words. (Some simplification of the powers might be in order).

436. # Roon 20 Aug 2009 at 4:18 pm

     Hello, SN. I was wondering what would be some cool ways to apply hemokinesis?

437. # Wingson 20 Aug 2009 at 5:11 pm

     Hello, Ro.
     
     One of my own characters in Darkstar Rising is a blood manipulator (That was what you meant, right?). Although he could easily stop his enemy’s heart by cutting off the flow of blood and stopping their heart (making him overpowered) he’s against harming any life and uses his own blood, hence his name Masochist. Although he needs a decent amount of blood to be effective,his blood cells multiply at a much faster rate than normal (If they didn’t, he’d die from blood loss).
     
     He can manipulate blood outside of his body (ex: the blood of others, blood not within beings like in a blood bank or hospital, etc.). He can also cause blood to congeal and become solid, using it to help immobilize his foe. Using this same method, he can also use it to create weapons for himself (although he has to be careful – even with his blood cells multiplying faster he has a limit of how much blood he can use without feeling the effects).
     
     In a way similar to Titan, the metal manipulator of How To Save The World, he can also create tools from blood (keys, other small items).
     
     Hopefully this was helpful, although I am still in the development phase for Masochist. Good luck to you.
     
     - Wings

438. # Roon 20 Aug 2009 at 7:49 pm

     Yeah, thanks Wing. That was very helpful. When you say weapons, do you mean like blades? That sounds really cool to me. Your character sounds pretty intriguing as well– is your Darkstar story on this site somewhere?

439. # Wingson 20 Aug 2009 at 9:55 pm

     Here. Just ignore the blurb about Ai– that work has since been discontinued and I’m working on a new summary.
     
     Thanks!

     - Wings

440. # Sammuuon 22 Aug 2009 at 4:43 am

     I’m writing this story and people have already told me it’s blasphemous. What do you think?
     
     Celestial Annihilation
     The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it. And this will be the fall of mankind from grace and God; mankind will play the last cruel game to God for our selfish needs. The ultimate deal will be made by mankind and the lords of hell. The lust that had driven us from grace shall prove our ultimate obliteration as the Lords of hell walk on the earth devouring mankind.
     
     It is the Order that had failed us mankind in this past year, the order were seven of the most powerful men on earth claiming, tricking and brainwashing mankind that god doesn’t exist that were all born from the pits of hell. The Order’s last blow came when they struck Vatican City and Mecca to cripple the world’s most powerful religions. Manipulating us to believe that they granted us a favor while dooming mankind for all eternity, the end begins.
     
     “Lord Belial– the portal is not ready yet. We are behind schedule,” said Nergal with a gentle blow. Lord Belial rose from his throne and took a step forward. “General, I will not tolerate your incompetence for long. I grow impatient!” he yelled. He placed a hand on his back. “Leave me, General,” announced Lord Belial.
     
     In London at eight o’clock, Cassiel was watching television when his mum interrupted. “Cassiel, it’s time to go to school. The TV will still be there when you get back,” she said as calmly as she could. Cassiel then turned to face his mum. “mum I wanted to talk to you about something” Jennifer was getting serious annoyed as she repeatedly thumbs her foot “as long it does not involve you saying your critically sick, can not go to school” Cassiel grabs his head and rolls down on the floor with agony “ Mum it hurts ! Mum it hurts! Please help me” Cassiel screams his voice sounds distressed as like he was in extreme pain.
     Jennifer panicked, tears cascaded from eyes she could not stop crying she looks at her son his veins were sticking out on his forehead. Cassiel kept screaming Help! Help! Help! Jennifer picks up she phone but she struggle to dial the number as her hands shakes violently.

441. # B. Macon 22 Aug 2009 at 12:13 pm

     “i writing this story and people already telling me it is blasphemy, what do you think?”
     
     If you write a story worth publishing, I don’t think that it matters much whether it seems blasphemous to some people. I think that English-language publishers tend to be pretty secular. The issues with spelling, grammar and punctuation are far more serious.

442. # Sammuuon 23 Aug 2009 at 6:38 am

     B. Mac you said spelling, grammar and punctuation are far more serious but i checked in a grammar software program and found that nothing was wrong with my spelling, grammar and punctuation.

     And this my new pice so what do ou think?

     It was raining outside that day so Cassiel decided to stay inside and watch television all day. Everything was going the way he planned a day in doing nothing but watch his favourites programs, when suddenly a knock came from the door and Cassiel ignored it he did not want to be disturbed on his luxury day with his mum at work he had the whole house to himself. Again a knock came from the door but this time it was louder than before so Cassiel went to answer it “who is it ?” Cassiel whispered as he peeps through the door hole and he saw nothing but just the old looking tree that was in front of his house. A bright yellow light had recently appeared on his living room and started to make these weird whooshing sounds, Cassiel rushed to his living room to find it completely torched “what the hell happened here? Mum is going to kill me when she sees this” Cassiel shouted.

443. # B. Macon 23 Aug 2009 at 7:12 am

     Grammar software isn’t perfect. For example, let’s go through a few lines from the above post.

     Original version:
     Cassiel then turned to face his mum. “mum I wanted to talk to you about something” Jennifer was getting serious annoyed as she repeatedly thumbs her foot “as long it does not involve you saying your critically sick, can not go to school” Cassiel grabs his head and rolls down on the floor with agony “ Mum it hurts ! Mum it hurts! Please help me” Cassiel screams his voice sounds distressed as like he was in extreme pain.
     
     Edited version:
     Cassiel then turned to face his mum. “Mum, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
     
     [new paragraph after a speaker finishes]
     Jennifer was getting seriously annoyed as she repeatedly thumped her foot. “As long as it does not involve you saying you’re critically sick and can’t go to school.”
     
     [new paragraph after a speaker finishes]
     Cassiel grabbed his head and rolled on the floor with agony. “Mum, it hurts! Mum, it hurts! Please help me,” Cassiel screamed. His voice sounded distressed, as though he were in extreme pain.
     
     Some grammar notes.
     –The punctuation needs a lot of work, particularly around the dialogue. When a line of dialogue ends with a tag, the final line of dialogue should have a comma. For example… “My favorite player is out for the season. I am quite surly,” said the barkeeper.
     
     –When a character is addressed by name, the name should be separated from the rest of the sentence with commas. For example… “Hello, Sammuu. Sammuu, how are you doing?”
     
     –There were some tense issues. Some of the verbs were in past tense and others were in present. I’d really recommend being consistent, ideally in the past tense.
     
     –Misuse of you’re vs. your. (I don’t think grammar software is equipped to handle that yet).
     
     –”can not” should be just one word. Cannot.

444. # Sammuuon 23 Aug 2009 at 7:21 am

     so what do you think about my new piece B mac

     It was raining outside that day so Cassiel decided to stay inside and watch television all day. Everything was going the way he planned a day in doing nothing but watch his favourites programs, when suddenly a knock came from the door and Cassiel ignored it he did not want to be disturbed on his luxury day with his mum at work he had the whole house to himself. Again a knock came from the door but this time it was louder than before so Cassiel went to answer it “who is it ?” Cassiel whispered as he peeps through the door hole and he saw nothing but just the old looking tree that was in front of his house. A bright yellow light had recently appeared on his living room and started to make these weird whooshing sounds, Cassiel rushed to his living room to find it completely torched “what the hell happened here? Mum is going to kill me when she sees this” Cassiel shouted.

445. # B. Macon 23 Aug 2009 at 7:35 am

     Original version…
     
     so what do you think about my new piece B mac

     It was raining outside that day so Cassiel decided to stay inside and watch television all day. Everything was going the way he planned a day in doing nothing but watch his favourites programs, when suddenly a knock came from the door and Cassiel ignored it he did not want to be disturbed on his luxury day with his mum at work he had the whole house to himself. Again a knock came from the door but this time it was louder than before so Cassiel went to answer it “who is it ?” Cassiel whispered as he peeps through the door hole and he saw nothing but just the old looking tree that was in front of his house. A bright yellow light had recently appeared on his living room and started to make these weird whooshing sounds, Cassiel rushed to his living room to find it completely torched “what the hell happened here? Mum is going to kill me when she sees this” Cassiel shouted.

     Edited version (edited only for grammar/punctuation).
     So what do you think about my new piece, B. Mac?

     It was raining outside* that day so Cassiel decided to stay inside and watch television all day. Everything was going the way he planned: a day doing nothing but watching his favourite programs. Suddenly, a knock came from the door and Cassiel ignored it. He did not want to be disturbed on his luxury day (rephrase?). With his mum at work, he had the whole house to himself**. Again a knock came from the door but this time it was louder than before so Cassiel went to answer it. “Who is it?” Cassiel whispered as he peeped through the door hole and saw nothing but the old-looking tree that was in front of his house.
     
     A bright yellow light appeared in his living room and started to make weird whooshing sounds. Cassiel rushed to his living room to find it completely torched. “What the hell happened here? Mum is going to kill me when she sees this,” Cassiel shouted.

     Some other notes.
     *–Since it can’t rain inside, the word outside is probably unnecessary here.
     **–This sentence does not flow nicely with either the sentence before or after. What does him having the whole house to himself have to do with the knocking?

446. # UNKNOWNon 23 Aug 2009 at 5:32 pm

     Hey, Captain Dark Force. That idea sounds like Demon Lord Dante.

447. # Chandleron 23 Aug 2009 at 7:25 pm

     Hey guys. Sorry I haven’t written any of you in ages. I’ve just started online courses. I have an idea for a story which involves the seven seals of the book of Revelation. A powerful sorcerer steals an ancient gem, and unlocks all seven of the seals. What do you think so far?

448. # B. Macon 23 Aug 2009 at 7:32 pm

     Hmm… there might be a discrepancy between the sorcerer (which sounds like generic fantasy) and the seven seals of Revelation (which sounds a lot like Christian fiction). Is this being marketed towards Christians? If not, replacing Revelation with something a bit more fantasy-ish might help.
     
     If this is Christian fiction– and I’m not very familiar with that sector– I’m not sure how sorcery will play. There were some high-profile protests over the magic in Harry Potter and I’m not sure if that’s just a tiny minority view or a tip-of-the-iceberg kind of thing.

449. # Blazeon 23 Aug 2009 at 8:11 pm

     This helps a lot! I was wondering whether I can have characters have mixed origins– for example, can my hero get his powers through magic and the villain through science? Would that all make sense in one universe?

450. # B. Macon 23 Aug 2009 at 8:27 pm

     Generally, I don’t recommend mixing magic and sci-fi. It’s pretty rare outside of DC Comics and might come off as tacky. In most cases, magical superheroes do not sell particularly well (please see Zatanna, Dr. Strange, etc). The magical superheroes that do perform well tend to have a more consistently magical universe (like Buffy, Sailor Moon, etc). You might find this article helpful.
     
     It could just be a coincidence when there are so few successful magical superheroes, but I find it notable that both of the ones I can think of star a female lead. It seems like magical superheroes tend to perform best when women comprise a significant part (or even a majority) of the readership. Perhaps many male comic book readers grow unreceptive to magical heroes as they get older? (That doesn’t seem terribly accurate with regards to fantasy novels, though).

451. # Sammuuon 25 Aug 2009 at 6:24 am

     Warhammer
     Origins
     
     Uriel is the son of Zadkiel the god of compassion in the realm of Veerto. Three days after his birth the realm of Veerto descended into absolute chaos and anarchy as the forces of darkness invaded Veerto and wish to overthrow the Gods, his father Zadkiel left him with his mother and went to war. Soon after Zadkiel left a dark assassin infiltrated the fortress and made attempt on Uriel life but his mother queen of Gods, Iza managed to save him and placed Uriel in the hands of her most trusted servant who made a portal to earth and escaped with Uriel. Iza was then killed shortly after Uriel left with the servant to earth. In earth Uriel was raised as a normal human boy by the servant Selena who became his adopted mother. At the tender age of sixteen Selena told him the truth about his real parents and home world, Selena also presented him with gifts his parents left for him moments after his parents destruction the judgement helmet, solitude hammer and defender armour each gifts with special powers of their own. Uriel decided that he would use his new found powers to protect the earth and to find his home world of Veerto this is when he adopted a new alias warhammer.
     
     Personality
     Uriel led a lonely, sad life in earth, doing nothing but isolating himself with the world and school. After Selena told him that he was a god and came from another realm, Uriel become more and more arrogant, selfish, and headstrong and over confident nothing scared him anymore and he became increasing violence.
     Powers and abilities
     Judgement helmet- manipulation of matter and dark matter
     Solitude hammer – a magical prison and transportation device
     Defender armour – physical enhancement
     
     Personal information
     Real Name: Uriel
     Alias: Warhammer
     Identity: secret
     Affiliation: League of superpowered
     Relatives: Zadkiel (Father), Iza (Mother) and Selena (adoptive mother)
     Gender: male
     Height: 6’5”
     Weight: 550 lbs
     Eyes: Green
     Hair: blond
     Citizenship: US
     Marital Status: single
     Occupation: superhero and police officer
     Place of Birth: Veerto

452. # BlueBamferGirlon 25 Aug 2009 at 4:30 pm

     Wait, he’s 6′5” but 550 lbs? Is that with or without the armor?

453. # B. Macon 25 Aug 2009 at 4:54 pm

     If he weighs 550 pounds, it’s no wonder that he’s sad and isolated.

454. # Roon 25 Aug 2009 at 5:22 pm

     Hey SN. So if a character has invulnerability as his primary ability and a person has superhuman strength punches him in the face would it knoch him out? Or even if they dont have superstrength but hit him with enough times could it knock him out?

455. # B. Macon 25 Aug 2009 at 5:55 pm

     I think that a superstrong character should be able to knock him out eventually. If he is actually invulnerable and cannot be harmed, you will have a hard time coming up with satisfying challenges for him to overcome.

     If a regular guy punches away at your Superman, I don’t think that he’d be able to knock him out no matter how long he tried… which is sort of a problem. If the hero cannot be harmed by normal people, you will probably need a large stable of superpowered characters to challenge him. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does sort of restrict you to a mass-origin (like the mutants in X-Men or the bang-babies in Static Shock) rather than individualized origins like Dr. Doom or whatever.

456. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 26 Aug 2009 at 12:52 am

     What’s a bang-baby?

     My favourite superpower to have would be ghost powers, like what Danny Phantom has. Phasing through walls, ghost shields, energy blasts, etc If I could have those powers, life would be so much easier. Haha.

457. # The ReTARDISed Whovianon 26 Aug 2009 at 12:53 am

     “like what Danny Phantom has”.

     That just proves that I’m sophisticated as hell. Haha. I could’ve put that sentence better. Oh well.

458. # B. Macon 26 Aug 2009 at 4:41 am

     In the Static Shock universe, “bang baby” is a slang term for someone who got superpowers through the chemical accident at the start of the series. I think the police and scientists prefer “metahuman.”

459. # Chandleron 26 Aug 2009 at 5:50 pm

     I wasn’t going to actually use the bible as a part of the story line. What I was going to do was use the sorcerer (whose name is Sabellius) and this ancient gem to open up the seals, and Gabriel, an archangel is sent by the Elder Gods to try and stop this sorcerer from doing so.

460. # Roon 27 Aug 2009 at 1:30 pm

     Hey Sn…Let me know what you think about this character and if his abilities make sense…

     Ht. 6′1
     wt. 175
     powers: His body has been fused with nanotechnology allowing him to have superhuman abilities…
     1) superstrength(10 tons)/durability
     2)healing factor
     3)superhuman reflexes/agility/dexterity/stamina
     4)cloaking/camoflaging
     5)superhuman senses(vision, hearing, taste, smell, touch)

     The nanotechnology works similar to reactive adaptation using these 5 abilities. the nanites determine what is needed and activates the prper ability…Only two powers can be activated at a time.

     he has the ability to override the nanites and choose the abilities he wants and with enough conentration he can have more than two of these abilities….does that make sense and how does that sound?

461. # B. Macon 27 Aug 2009 at 4:21 pm

     –These seem pretty workable. Of the five, I think cloaking borders on problematic. It might take the drama out of fighting because if he starts to lose, he can just get away, right? Alternately, it makes it a bit harder to do an interesting stealth scene. (It’s more impressive when a character has to sneak in somewhere WITHOUT the ability to go invisible).
     
     –These powers have a lot of potential for interesting fight scenes, I think.
     
     –The restriction that he can only use two abilities at once is an interesting touch, but I don’t think that it will come into play very often. How many situations can you envision where he will need more than 2 of those powers?
     
     –Healing factor seems a bit redundant with durability. (Depends on the limits of his durability, I suppose… is he bulletproof?)
     
     –I’d recommend taking out the part that he can overcome the “two abilities at once” limit with concentration. First, the limit isn’t that onerous to begin with. Second, when a character has a limit, I recommend sticking with it rather than saying that the character can ignore it whenever the writer needs him to. Otherwise, his ability to break the rules is pretty much a deus ex machina.

462. # Polarison 03 Sep 2009 at 7:18 pm

     Ive had this idea about a 14 year old kid named Ryan Polrai who can freeze stuff,control fire,control water, and can shift into different animals.

463. # Lighting Manon 03 Sep 2009 at 9:16 pm

     What do you mean “hogging” space, Polaris? You hadn’t posted or anything, it’s not like you got ignored.

     First off though, I’d say you’re either lacking maturity or psychiatric treatment. That isn’t at all a proper way to behave, and isn’t going to help you get feedback.

     As for feedback, that is way too many powers, and they are way too thematically different to work, in my opinion. Superheroes, with a few minor and generally unsuccessful examples are restricted to one element to control because each one represents a whole assortment of powers, and require representation throughout the character to be fairly believable. Ryan Polrai is a misplaced letter from being the name of a collection of British homosexual slang terms, but I assume you were going for implying Polaris, which considering you are using that name implies authorial distancing problems. His numerous abilities seem to imply the same, I’d suggest you search this site for “Mary Sue” and then begin reworking the character if you’re serious.

     If Polaris is indeed his alter ego’s name, I’d suggest you also find a new name, Marvel’s got a fairly popular and often used character named Polaris, and a duplicate name is never going to shine as much as an original. There’s not a single instance that I’m aware of, beyond Captain Marvel and each character suffers greatly because of it, of an A, B, or C lister at DC Comics or Marvel Comics sharing names.

464. # Ice boyon 03 Sep 2009 at 10:48 pm

     I need some help. I’m making a comic book about a team of teenagers who find out they have super powers. There’s also another team and some powerful villain, but I have a few problems:
     
     1-I don’t know what to name my heroes or villains. For most of them I just use other superhero’s names on them. The good team’s leader has cyrokinesis so I used the name Ice Boy for him, but I’d like you to help me with characters and team names.
     
     2-I want help with new super powers. I gave one of my villains “ropekinesis,” the power to create ropes of any size and control them mentally. I gave him the name Rope Master– is that good?
     
     3- I want my target audience for this comic book to be boys at my age. Should I include females in it?
     
     4- I need costumes.

465. # Marissaon 04 Sep 2009 at 12:51 am

     And Lighting Man, thank you for attempting to help out, but please leave the behavior-scolding to B. Mac, Tom, and I. It’s not that you aren’t correct, but less fights break out this way. =]

     Polaris, I agree with Lighting Man wholeheartedly. About your character, I mean. You need to narrow it down to one element. That, plus what Lighting Man said about your going by his name, very strongly hint at Polaris not only being a Mary-Sue, but in your mind, what would happen if ‘you got superpowers’.

     We at Superhero Nation are unfortunately unable to help you until that plus your social skills are fixed.

466. # Luna Jamniaon 04 Sep 2009 at 8:44 am

     Hmmm …
     I have an alien (possibly super heroine later) but I can’t really come up with anything ability-wise. Her race’s skin/whole self is naturally very, very tough (like if she fell or whatever, or a knife was thrust at her, it would not have the same result, it takes a lot to make her bleed and even more to break her bones) and so can jump from higher places or whatever, not worry so much about being ‘careful’. In other words, her whole race is pretty enduring.

     But the problem is, of course, obviously that it’s not really a superpower and actually her personality makes it so she’s not very reckless, though she could be, so the possibility of taking advantage of that natural protection isn’t there.

     Maybe since her skin/bones are harder, she can really pack a punch? I don’t know. Her hair and eyes pale, too, when she’s frightened or feeling sick. But that doesn’t really lend any ideas as to a superpower. :/

467. # Lighting Manon 04 Sep 2009 at 10:15 am

     Marissa – My bad, sorry, I didn’t realize I was overstepping my boundaries, won’t happen again.

     Luna Jamnia – I don’t really see any reason to add abilities, the character is already two hat pins above your average Homo Sapien. I think that although the character might seem outclassed, the rawer level then usual of power will help you find interesting and unique ways to take advantage of it. For example, presumably the increased density comes with increased weight, so even though she is most likely a relatively lithe humanoid female, but she could weigh far more then that, and since she is a healthy, I assume athletic person, she could use her weight in numerous ways. You mentioned jumping from great heights, if she leapt on someone, she could easily incapacitate them, she could easily break bones with karate chops, so on and so forth..

468. # Ghoston 04 Sep 2009 at 11:03 am

     Luna,
     I agree with lighting man, your character outline sounds pretty solid so I wouldn’t add any abilities. You just need to find new ways use what you have already given your character. Like maybe you alien is stronger on earth because of lighter gravity, but has to work ou alot to keep her body from aclimating(spelling?), or maybe as a result of her having superhard bones and stuff her body is to dense to float in water. Oh by the way with the gravity thing I mentioned earlier, astronauts experience bone loss in space because the low gravity their bones dont need to be as strong, so maybe your character is slow losing her advantage over time.

469. # Ragged Boyon 04 Sep 2009 at 12:42 pm

     Hola, Ice Boy

     If we haven’t met already, I’m Ragged Boy, a part-time contributor. Let’s see if we can’t help you out, buddy:

     1: I’m not really feeling Ice boy. It’s way generic. Personally, I prefer names that tell me about the heroes persona like Showtime or Chicle. Give me a brief bio of each of your characters and villains.

     2: I love coming up with superpowers. I like the power of “Ropekinesis”, but the name is ick. I think with that power it’s okay to explain it in a short description. It’s not a self-explanatory power like super strength or flying. I’m not feeling Rope Master. How about Slipknot? As for the others what types of superpowers do you like?

     3:I’m hoping number 3 isn’t a general question. I don’t think boys would like a world with just boys. But if you’re talking about in your team, I’d recommend for it. Girls usually play an important role in teams. They’re usually the voice of reason or the level-headed one or the love interest through which you can develop your male characters and vice versa. I’d definitely vote “yes” on girls. I think it would reflect poorly on your ability as a writer if you could only write one type of character. Also, a world with just boys is gross. Haha!

     4:Ah, costumes. Have you seen this article yet? I can help you with any questions you have.

     On a side note, I’d recommend working on your grammar and your organization when posting. It makes it easier for us to help you.

     So, what do you think?

470. # Wingson 04 Sep 2009 at 1:07 pm

     Perhaps I can also be of use to Ice Boy – I have an ice manipulator known as Frostbite.

     Oh, and can anyone give me a minor-yet-workable ability for Remembrance aka Maya? This ability would be her power originally, before she was given the Titan’s Diamond powers. For instance, the other fighter created by Crimson in the same manner was Harbinger aka Julian, an empath. Any ideas?

     - Wings

471. # Lighting Manon 04 Sep 2009 at 1:58 pm

     A minor ability? I can’t remember at the moment if your universe has a mass origin or not, but if it does, it might be interesting for it to be something that would require an Eigen plot to be discovered, for example, an individual with the ability to regrow her kidneys, that just happens to offer to give one away, or get kidnapped by an organ stealing criminal. She could be using this to test medications for pharmacutical companies earlier then the law allows, when Crimson finds her.

     Or if you were looking for a suggestion more combat oriented, how about the ability to rapidly repair dermal injuries through increased intake of folate? This could cause her to run around eating inordinate amounts of Sunflower seeds, or kale. You could allow this habit to survive the presumable loss of that power when she gains her new ones, and tie into her name. The actual why of how folate increases her healing ability can be attributed to her possessing a unique physiology.

472. # Luna Jamniaon 04 Sep 2009 at 2:48 pm

     Lightning Man and Ghost, thanks for your input. Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s actually pretty interesting because I’d never have seen that. I mean, I thought of it as just a trait and maybe she would be more difficult to injure but yeah, when her personality really starts coming through and she gets more confident-or reckless-on Earth …

     Ghost, that ‘denser so she can’t float’ thing is pretty cool.
     Only thing is now I’m worried I made her into a Mary-Sue a little bit, because technically she hadn’t, you know, eaten or anything for several months or more (however long it took her cramped Pod-meteorite to everyone else-to travel to earth). And I remember B.Mac’s thing about aliens having to look like, well, aliens/not human and not being so super-powered they were way superior to humans.

     Then again, considering how many planets and stars are out there-disregarding for a moment this is for a book-though I don’t believe in aliens, it is at the same time entirely possible. If there were aliens for there to be at least several planets with human-like aliens on them, with incredible (or not so incredible) powers. So shes kinda safe that way, though still perhaps somewhat of a Mary-Sue.

473. # Luna Jamniaon 04 Sep 2009 at 2:50 pm

     *I think I meant it made her seem invincible, not having eaten in so long and still being alive. Not a Mary-Sue.

474. # Ice boyon 11 Sep 2009 at 3:21 am

     Hello Ragged boy, nice to meet you. Well these are some some heroes of team X(is the name good?).
     1-Big.o and smoke:a boy named Ryan can summon or transform to 2 men who will do anything Ryan tells them to do. One is Big.o a 15 feet version of Ryan who has super Strength (Big.O) and another one Smoke who can teleport and is a great sword man. Big.o and Smoke need no food they can get energy and food when they are in Ryans head(not summoned)and they have telepathic communication.
     2-Speedo:A boy with super speed.
     3-Tom has technopathy and super intelligence.
     4-Frost:The brother for Ben (Ice boy) which has the same power as his brother.
     I’ve choosen another name for Ben (Ice boy), is chillo good?Slipknot is excellent And I will change the name ropekenises to rope control or rope manipulation. I want super powers which are rarely used.The article you gave me was great can you give me more websites like this I don’t know where to find them and by the way I know my grammer is bad because I’m was not born in an “english city”if you know what I mean.

475. # High popon 11 Sep 2009 at 3:48 am

     Lord Masters, Sir Becton and Lord Roy are three hard-headed businesses men who were the first three members of a government group that were more powerful than the prime minister and the queen. The group was called the Tribune of high Supreme Court; this group controlled every affair in the country and soon more members joined all of them respected and powerful businesses, it came a time where the government were seen as useless and pointless so the Tribune of high Supreme Court took over the country this was proven to be fatal as not only these powerful businesses men wanted the country they wanted the whole world.

     The high Lord Williamson of the Tribune of high Supreme Court set up a force to help with the court ultimate goal, this force is called N.S.T.F (National Security Task Force) this force is used to collect and transfer ancient relics, artefacts, scrolls, crystals and weapons which the high Lord Williamson believed will unlock a answer to a much greater power.

476. # High popon 13 Sep 2009 at 5:33 am

     Sax is an Elementai a secret race of the humans who are able to controls elements, the main elements that any Elementai can control are fire,water,air and earth. Some powerful elementai can convert fire into thunder and water into ice, Sax is just a basic Elementai who dreams to become the most powerful warrior so he spends most of his time training and many people find it strange because he is only fourteen years old and is already discovered his true path. Sax not only train in elements but trains in different style of martial arts and weapons. The Elementai are some of the races trust to guard a key which is talisman to a prison that imprisoned the most dangerous being in earth called the Becoming. The Talisman was stolen by a group of government agents known as the N.S.T.F (National Security Task Force) so Sax was ask by his elders to retrieve the talisman. Thus his training and dream is put to the test through this mission if his worthy to become a High Captain Elementai the most high rank Elementai after the Emperor. Sax is most skilled in the fire element because he spend a month in the fire temple training and each Elementai when are born were given an element based on their birth month so Sax element was fire.

     so what do you think of my character is he well developed?

477. # StarEon 13 Sep 2009 at 8:47 am

     Hello, High-Pop. Actually, your post is more about storyline than character, so I can’t quite tell if your character is well-developed or not. What is his personality like? I can gather that he must be very dedicated and focused because he spends so many years training in different Elementai and martial arts. He must be an optimistic and confident dreamer, too, because he wants to become the most powerful warrior in the world. But what’s his personality?

     Why does he want to become the most powerful and versatile warrior? Is there a very famous Elementai warrior that the protagonist was incredibly impressed by, so he grew up dreaming of becoming just as powerful?
     Maybe Sax’s family is well-known for being strong Elementai, so Sax and his brother are expected to be just as strong. His brother is apathetic toward the goal because he’d rather do something else (like chasing a love interest or becoming a great writer), but he trains just as hard as Sax, and the brother is actually BETTER at being an Elementai? So then your hero is working hard to keep up with his brother because he really DOES dream of being a great Elementai and living up to the family name?
     Sax’s reasons for training so hard will say a lot about his personality.

     If he’s from a long line of talented Elementai, that might be a reason why the elders ask him to search for the stolen key… I feel like you’ll have more storyline to work with if you DON’T make Sax an incredibly well-trained Elementai, yet. Maybe he’s gone through all the training and he IS good, but he’s not experienced yet?
     Maybe the elders don’t ask him to search for the key, but he hears about the situation and decides he wants to try out his powers now? This would really put him to the test, especially if he’s not as strong as he thought, and he struggles the whole way because he’s DETERMINED to prove himself?

     Maybe he worked really hard and was finally considered strong enough to help guard that secret key, but while he’s on duty, he loses the key to the government? So then the other Elementai would be outraged and send their best elemental-users after the key while Sax is ordered to stay home? But in order to redeem himself (and because he feels responsible for the situation), Sax hurries off to find the key himself?

     Anyways, the point of my rambling is…
     What is Sax’s personality like?
     What makes him WANT to be the best Elementai warrior?
     Will his talents be seriously challenged in the story, showing the readers how much he improves from beginning to end?
     What do his goals say about him as a character?

478. # Chandleron 13 Sep 2009 at 9:18 pm

     Okay. Build a story around the original premise..hmm. I have something. Perhaps this particular scientist has been studying the Obsidian race, and he uses Obsidian DNA to create the ultimate prototype, or blueprint?

479. # StarEon 13 Sep 2009 at 9:50 pm

     Alrighty Chandler, but what’s the “Obsidian Race”? Why is the scientist studying them? Why does he decide to make a “prototype” based on their powers? What kind of prototype is it? Is it a prototype for a machine, weapon, or a super-serum to give other people powers? (A “prototype” is a test version of something, so what kind of thing is he making? How?) What does your character intend to do with that prototype? Is he in it for the money? Did somebody hire him to do it? Does he want to give people superpowers? What’s his motivation?

     What is your researcher/scientist character’s name? What kind of personality does he have? Is he a very serious, intelligent person who is always highly concentrated on his work? Is he light-hearted, ethusiastic, accident-prone? Does he have any close friends or co-workers working with him on this prototype project? Where does he live? Does he get paid very much? Who funds his research? The government or a private contracter?

     Once the scientist makes the prototype, what happens? Does it turn out differently than he thought it would? It is horrendously dangerous and he must stop the “monster” he’s created? Is there an accident in the lab? Do villains start trying to kill him in order to stop his project? Maybe villains try to steal his research papers so THEY can use the super prototype, or they want to kidnap the scientist so he can help them with their evil schemes?

     Answering these questions will help you flesh out your main character, his motivation, and your storyline. Give it a try! Right now, you’re still being too vague for anyone to give you suggestions. All I can do is try to ask you questions to help you get started. Try to give us a little description about what happens in your story, and who the main heroes and villains are.

480. # Chandleron 14 Sep 2009 at 3:38 pm

     Well, the prototype was used for himself because he has cancer, and he’s trying to cure himself. The Obsidians are a race of beings born with a gene known as the Obsidian gene, which when activated, grants the individual with superhuman abilities. The gene can be activated as a result of changes in the environment. The scientist’s name is Ben Mitchell, and he works for an observatory in New York City. His specialty is developmental biology, and he’s studied the Obsidians for years. Max Crenshaw, a terrorist, heard about this research and has sent followers to steal the prototype, and build the ultimate weapon.

481. # StarEon 14 Sep 2009 at 4:17 pm

     Heya, Chandler! Good start. Lemme see if this all makes sense…
     
     So Ben Mitchell works for an observatory, but specializes in developmental biology? I think people who work in observatories study astronomy (stars, planets, etc.). If he’s a biologist, he probably wouldn’t be stationed in the observatory unless his work related to outerspace or he needed a giant telescope.
     
     He’s got cancer and wants to cure himself, so he makes a prototype SERUM (chemical/medicine) out of the blood of the Obsidians. He wants the superhuman abilities because he believes that if he’s got superstrength and stuff, it might give his immune system the extra boost it needs to fight off the cancer? So he develops this medicine and tries it on himself?
     
     And then the terrorist guy hears about the research and wants HIS scientists/thugs to steal the medicine that Ben made, so he can power up his own legion of soldiers? Or is his “ultimate weapon” more like a machine that can be powered up by Ben’s medicine? Do the terrorists succeed in stealing Ben’s research? How does Ben avoid them at first, and how to they finally take his research if he’s got the super-powers already? What does he have to do to stop them? Does he learn that the super-powers have a time limit (or life-span cost, side-effects, etc.) that the terrorists don’t know about?
     
     Also, tell us more about the Obsidians. How do they play into the story? Who are they? WHAT are they? An alien race? Mutatations amongst humans? A recently discovered breed of animal? I imagine that you’ll be using an Obsidian character somewhere in your story, because when you were planning on a fanfiction, you were going to have the Incredible Hulk in the story. In your original idea, how did Ben Mitchell get the Hulk’s DNA? What role did the Hulk play in the original story? That’s probably how you should start thinking about where to use the Obsidian people.

482. # Chandleron 14 Sep 2009 at 10:11 pm

     Oops, I didnt mean “observatory”. I meant a lab in New York City known as Trinity Labs. I completely took the Hulk out of the story line, but I was thinking, Ben could use the serum to cure himself, and perhaps turn himself into a hulk-like character. I dunno. Maybe some suggestions from you guys would suffice in this case. Anyway, the Obsidians are an alien race, and some of them came to Earth to escape their war-torn planet called Absentia,

483. # Chandleron 14 Sep 2009 at 10:16 pm

     Oh, and yes, the serum does cause a spike in his immune system to help him fight off the cancer, and since it’s caused a radical mutagenic effect on Ben’s cells, it turned him into a humanoid being with strength (kinda like the Hulk). The two Obsidians, Micah and Belarus help Mitchell keep the serum from getting into the hands of Max Crenshaw and the members of his terrorist organization.

     Any suggestions.

484. # StarEon 15 Sep 2009 at 12:13 pm

     Am I the only one trying to review Chandler’s story? lol, it’s hard to do by myself!
     
     Anyways, it’s great that you’re getting some of the details planned out! I’m not really sure how to help other than asking some more questions for you, so here I go!
     
     At this point, I’m mostly interested in how Micah and Belarus play into the story. How do they feel towards humans? Have they been on Earth long? Why do they let the humans scientist, Ben, take samples of their DNA to cure himself? Do they do this willingly, or does Ben make some agreement with them so the aliens would GAIN from the DNA donation? Imagine if you, a human being, wandered into an area full of exotic, four-headed aliens that resembled centipedes. If they took a genuine interest in you and wanted a “sample of your blood” with some foreign medical supplies, I doubt you’d be jumping to volunteer, no matter how well you were getting along with those aliens. This is what the situation might feel like for Micah and Belarus.
     
     Maybe Ben finds them injured or sick, and for whatever reason, Ben convinces them that it’s okay to trust him and he shuffles them to his lab, where he’s got all his medical supplies. (You’re really gonna have to work on motivating Ben AND the Obsidians for allowing this to happen. Why doesn’t Ben run away from the aliens? Why do the aliens decide to trust Ben, at least temporarily? The aliens are probably DESPERATE and plan to either kill Ben or run into hiding if he makes a wrong move with them)
     
     Anyways, perhaps while Ben is applying medicine to the injured Obsidian, he realizes that it almost instantly takes effect. Normally, an injury would have to be cleaned and covered with bandages for awhile, but the wound starts to heal almost immediately after the alien is given medicine. The aliens aren’t surprised by this, but Ben is. They tell him that everybody heals like that, as long as they’re given medicine. There might be a culture shock as the aliens realize that humans are more fragile, and take longer to heal. Ben might realize that studying their blood could come up with a MIRACLE CURE, though he doesn’t know what kind of side-effects there may be. He might strike a deal with the Obsidians – maybe offer to protect them and show them how to blend in on earth, if they’ll give him a sample of their blood.
     
     Then after Ben has made his medical prototype, he uses it on himself and it has HUGE side-effects. His immune system gets a boost, alright, but the blood reacts wildly with human blood and starts turning him into a hulk-like monster. So then Ben and the aliens are working together this whole time, and the aliens wonder if it’s, “ordinary for humans to become massive and snarling without warning…”
     
     Haha, that’s the best I’ve got for suggestions. I don’t think I should be suggesting so much, though. You’re gonna have to start generating lots of ideas so you can get your story going! If any of these ideas sounded good, start trying to build off of the basic premise. You’ll need to come up with what happens during the plot, and how you’re gonna motivate these characters to work together.

485. # Chandleron 15 Sep 2009 at 8:56 pm

     Wow. That’s a good premise that I could go with. Thanks. I was going to add like, after Mitchell is treated with the prototype, and the Obsidians are wondering if humans innately has this ability, Crenshaw and his cronies learn of Mitchell’s research, and try and get a hold of it.

     I do have one question, in Ben’s mutated form, what color should his skin be? What should trigger off the transformation?

486. # StarEon 15 Sep 2009 at 10:14 pm

     Maybe you should make Ben’s transformation more unique than just getting big and changing colors like the Hulk does. Otherwise, he’ll seem a bit like a copycat hero. Try to think of an interesting “monster-transformation” for your character that will go along with the “boosted immune system” idea. Think like the Hulk or a werewolf sort of transformation, but make it unique to your story somehow.
     
     As for what triggers the transformation, it could be any number of things… Maybe it happens at night, like with werewolves? Or maybe it happens every time he sees his own reflection or something? So he’d just be walking down the street and see himself in a puddle, then all of a sudden he starts transforming and he has to freak out and run into an alleyway or something? Haha, that one sounds difficult to write about, though… But think about that sort of thing.
     
     Maybe think about the five senses? Sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch… Anything related to one of those might set off his transformation. Think about the Obsidians, too. What are they like? Since THEY’RE blood causes Ben to transform, maybe the conditions of the transformation are similar to the aliens’s culture…?
     
     I’m not sure about this one. Try brainstorming for a little while.

487. # akim92on 15 Sep 2009 at 11:34 pm

     can anyone give opinions on my superhero? i don’t know whether this hero has been created or not.. but this was my one month idea.. (sorry.. i’m pretty bad in english.. hope u understand).. Well, this is my superhero..
     
     He is a teenage boy.. age around 17-19 years old.. one day, he had a trip with his friends.. one night, he and his closest friend discover that the place that they go has an abandon chemical factory.. then, rain fall down. it was a heavy rain.. he and his closest friend enter the factory.. after a while in the factory, suddenly, a lightning struck the factory and made it explode.. they both “fly out” from the factory.. his friend died because the chemical in the factory had fell on him.. the main character seriously injured.. he couldn’t move.. suddenly, some black radioactive liquid gonna fell on him.. just a few inches above him, suddenly, an enormous lightning struck him.. he fainted.. okay.. thats just a scene on how he got his power..
     
     now.. he can move as fast as lightning(he didn’t run).. when he moves like a lightning, his body changes to a electric particles.. so, when he move, he appear like a lightning struck.. he also can move to the sky( this event make people think that it was a lightning).. he can generate eletric(lightning) from his hand.. he can control the voltage of electric(lightning) that he wants to generate.. he can summon a lightning from the sky.. only his left arm can generate normal electricity/lightning(yellow, blue, red).. due to the black radioactive, his right arm can generate a very powerful lightning, the black lightning.. this lightning can penetrate anything in its way(including mirror, insulator, and titanium steel).. he also can change his body to lightning form.. when on this form, everything get near to him will be struck… even more powerful, he can change to his black lightning form.. everything that near him will be struck by the black lightning and even worse the lightning will penetrate anything on its way.. huh.. thats it..

     anyone please comment and give ur opinion on this hero…

488. # StarEon 16 Sep 2009 at 12:49 pm

     Hey there, Akim. Welcome to Superhero Nation! I’ll try to give you some comments and opinions about your superhero and his origin story.
     
     About your hero’s origin, why did he and his friends travel to an dangerous, old, abandonned factory? What would make them do that? Is it a dare from their classmates? Maybe the hero and his friend are supposed to help with the “Senior Prank” in high school this year, and there’s something they need from the chemical plant? Do they need a hide-out for some reason, so they hope to hide at the factory so no one will look for them there? Are they lost in the woods one night in the rain, and they decide to take shelter there? You’ll need a good reason for the boys to risk going to such a dangerous place!
     
     About the hero’s powers, I think they sound pretty cool. You might have too many powers, though. I like that he turns into molecules when he travels at lightning speed, but make sure his speed has limitations. I also like that he can summon regular attack lightning with one hand, but extremely dangerous black lightning with the other hand. You should definitely make your hero struggle with the black lightning at first – it must be REALLY easy to hurt someone with it, or hurt himself, or accidentally start electrical fires and burn buildings down. Maybe your hero decides not to use the black lightning because whenever he does, someone gets hurt or something really terrible happens? The power might be really unstable, and might go completely out of control and cause disasters. But as your story continues, he learns not to fear the black lightning and trains with it very carefully so he won’t kill anybody?
     
     I don’t think I liked the idea of your hero being able to summon lightning from the sky. Why do that when he can do it from his hands? And being able to “move into the sky” might be too much. That’s kind of like being able to fly, and you shouldn’t make him fly if he ALSO has the super speed. Maybe pick one or the other?
     
     How are you going to challenge your superhero? What are his weaknesses? What keeps him from being “too strong”?
     
     Um, that’s all I can think of! Good luck with your story, Akim.

489. # Sammuuon 16 Sep 2009 at 1:21 pm

     Sax is an Elementai a secret race of the humans who are able to controls elements, the main elements that any Elementai can control are fire,water,air and earth. Some powerful Elementai can convert fire into thunder and water into ice, Sax is just a basic Elementai who dreams to become the most powerful warrior so he spends most of his time training and many people find it strange because he is only fourteen years old and is already discovered his true path. Sax not only train in elements but trains in different style of martial arts and weapons. The Elementai are some of the races trust to guard a key which is talisman to a prison that imprisoned the most dangerous being in earth called the Becoming. The Talisman was stolen by a group of government agents known as the N.S.T.F (National Security Task Force) so Sax was ask by his elders to retrieve the talisman. Thus his training and dream is put to the test through this mission if his worthy to become a High Captain Elementai the most high rank Elementai after the Emperor. Sax is most skilled in the fire element because he spend a month in the fire temple training and each Elementai when are born were given an element based on their birth month so Sax element was fire.

490. # Chandleron 16 Sep 2009 at 1:37 pm

     I was thinking of coming up with a premise for triggering Ben’s transformation. What about physical exertion? Whenever he gets into a fight with someone, his body “fears” being infected with a foreign substance from the individual he’s in the brawl with, and as a result his immune system sends a special group of antibodies, protecting him and causing the initial transformation?

491. # Chandleron 17 Sep 2009 at 8:43 pm

     Thank you StarE. This site has been very helpful in fleshing out my ideas. I started writing sci fi/fantasy when I was in elementary school, and I’ve been writing stories every since. I also wrote a vampire series, where all seven vampire clans were at war with each other over an ancient text, and I’m still trying to flesh that out to “perfection”.

492. # StarEon 17 Sep 2009 at 9:32 pm

     You’re welcome, Chandler and Akim. I’m glad I could help a little.
     
     About your cross-over idea, Akim, it sounds like fun but like Marissa said, this probably isn’t the right website for it… You could probably find a roleplay/RPG website that would be perfect for it, though! I used to roleplay online a few years ago, and I actually WAS in a superhero story where everybody mixed their heroes. It was a lot of fun! But it was on a roleplaying messageboard, and not a writing-advice website, heh-heh.
     
     Try searching for “roleplaying forum” or “Superhero roleplaying message board” or something like that, and you might find somewhere fun.
     
     Thank you for editing my paragraph spacings, Marissa. I assume that was you.

493. # Chandleron 19 Sep 2009 at 1:15 pm

     Hey guys, what about a sorcerer that has a talisman enabling him to absorb mystical energies from certain dimensional pathways, like the ones he’s familiar with?

     Okay. I have a premise. A sorcerer named Brahmin, a third initiate in the Tarot Order discovers a talisman, which enables him to absorb mystical energies from certain dimensional worlds. He becomes Grand Master and starts a rivalry with a mutant named Wildcard

494. # Outcaston 19 Sep 2009 at 3:52 pm

     Hi! I’m trying to write a novel, running on the lines of action/comedy. It’s about a young man named Charles and his dream is to be a comedian but he never gets the time. He’s just turned 18 and his life is very stressful. He lives with his three younger brothers and sisters, a new born a baby brother, an older brother who thinks he’s in the army, a dog who hates him and her three puppies who hate him too. And his girlfriend, Jane lives with him but they hate each. They constantly do tricks and plans to make each other’s lives a misery. His parents are always working, leaving him to be a sort of father for everyone.
     Somehow, he finds a book which basically turns his entire life and the laws of reality into a comedy until he can grasp and control its powers. This gives virtually gives him any ability he wants to be a comedian.
     But, the problem is, I don’t know how to fit villains in and structure his powers. I was wondering if you could help me here. 

495. # B. Macon 19 Sep 2009 at 4:09 pm

     Hello, Outcast. Before the fantastic element was introduced, your story sounded like a workable dystopian family comedy (somewhat similar to Meet the Parents, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Royal Tenenbaums, Step by Step, etc). To me, the magical book feels very out of place, mainly because the comedy kind of hinges on the family feeling at least somewhat believable, which sort of clashes with the magical book.
     
     I’d recommend looking at stories like The Mask, Liar Liar and the novel Yes Man– I think they introduced a supernatural element into the protagonist’s life a bit more smoothly. For one thing, I think it would help if you placed more limits on the powers. It might be smoother to try something like this: the main character has a comically messed-up life, gets fairly conventional superpowers, and then finds that his life only gets MORE messed-up. Right now, I feel that the “he can do pretty much anything that’s funny” will be hard to work with.
     

496. # Outcaston 20 Sep 2009 at 2:59 am

     Okay I’m trying to correct some flaws in the storyline. He lives with his girlfriend Jane because they accidentally had a baby despite their hate for each other. He has three younger brothers and two younger sisters. They don’t really hate, they just play antics to see how far they can push him. There is also a dog that will do anything for attention and her three puppies that look forward to his misery. Apart from the parents who are never around, there is a renegade cat that actually attacks him when he gets the time.

     His life is very stressful; he struggles to cope with having wet dreams, anxiety, bed wetting and other embarrassing things. I’ve decided to change the book to his omnipotent counterpart deity friend called Puck. When he transforms into Puck, the laws of physics and basically everything turn upside-down and comedic.

497. # Sammuuon 20 Sep 2009 at 7:56 am

     Vaaca which translate to The Becoming is a physical manifestation of energy created by Haikin (the all god) Vaaca is the completely opposite to Haikin the creator he is negative energy which destroy everything Haikin creates. In the early days of the universe Haikin created ten powerful beings that could watch over his universe unknown to Haikin that Vaaca lingers in dark abyss waiting Haikin leaves his creations defenseless for a day which gives Vaaca a perfect opportunity to strike. Vaaca converted the ten beings that Haikin created into himself so their became him and Vaaca became them gaining their powers and souls in the process, Vaaca became so powerful he dared challenge Haikin to a battle to the end, even with the powers of the ten beings Haikin created Vaaca was defeated with ease by Haikin but Haikin was not powerful enough to destroy Vaaca fearing that no one expect from him can bring defeat to Vaaca, Haikin imprisoned Vaaca to a planet called earth there he handed the eight races which populated the planet earth eight keys to Vaaca prison to guard for eternity. Vaaca can posses nearly unlimited powers when he was imprisoned on earth Vaaca had eleven powers one of the powers was his originally which is the power of conversion the ability of becoming another being and the other being becoming you. The other ten powers came from the ten beings created by Haikin the powers of life,death,vengeance,love,knowledge,time,matter,mind,lust and physical alteration and Vaaca most powerful power is to turn other beings he converted souls into his this means to kill him you have to destroy him a number of times until he runs out of souls to resurrect from. This are just his starters powers has he convert other beings the more powers he get.

498. # Chandleron 20 Sep 2009 at 12:11 pm

     Brahmin is the antagonist (bad guy), and he had his herald, a being that was resurrected in a Tarot ritual steal the talisman from the Makai temple, but the mutant Wildcard tried to stop him. Wildcard had been rivals with Brahmin from some time back, due to “killing” him, and having him imprisoned in a pocket world. As far as him absorbing inner-dimensional mystical energies, perhaps, he would learn how to use them all, to become a more effective sorcerer. That sounds like a good idea.

499. # Outcaston 26 Sep 2009 at 4:24 am

     I’ve decided to give the main character a few abilities. He is able to do virtually anything he wants as long as keeps his comedic nature.

500. # B. Macon 26 Sep 2009 at 4:36 pm

     Outcast, how would you challenge him? :-/

501. # Outcaston 27 Sep 2009 at 11:23 pm

     The way he uses his power to warp the very foundation of existence has to have a comedic nature. For example, he could create a gun that shoots the flag out saying ‘Bang’. There are other people who he has to face; they have powers similar to his own but revolving around a completely different nature.

502. # Ragged Boyon 28 Sep 2009 at 4:23 am

     Oh, so the things he creates have to have a comedic nature. It’s definitely original. I’m still a bit skeptical about its workability, though.

     Do you think you could write a short scene and display it in action?

503. # B. Macon 02 Oct 2009 at 3:22 pm

     Hello, Ice Boy. Ragged Boy hasn’t been on much in the last week or two. Give him time.
     
     In the meantime… Umm, I’m not really feeling Team X. It’s sort of generic and I think that the similarity to that other X team might annoy readers.
     
     I like Slipknot or Noose or Hangman as alternatives to Rope Master. Cool ability. Should turn out very nicely.
     
     …
     
     I would go back to the drawing board (naming board?) on Speedo. Copyright infringement with the sporting apparel of the same name.
     
     Ice Boy sounds so much like Iceman… I’d recommend going with something a bit more stylish and less generic. Frostbite is significantly better but I think that you could go farther. Maybe Frostburn, etc.
     
     I’m not sure what’s going on with Big.O’s name.
     
     …
     
     For writing advice beyond SN, I’d recommend the writing websites in our sidebar. However! They are mostly aimed at adult fiction novelists and none of them have a superhero focus. Unfortunately, I haven’t yet found any other comprehensive superhero writing sites– and not for lack of looking, either. I found Robert Weinberg’s article “How to Write Comics and Other Stuff” and “Writing Full Time– A User’s Guide” helpful, but those are just two articles. (We have a few hundred).
     
     …
     
     Hmm. From your comment, I’d infer that you might not be fluent in English. That would make getting published rather tricky, but it’s not much of a problem on my end. (I only kick people if/when I am convinced that there is absolutely no hope for their writing, and I don’t feel it’s remotely that serious based on what I’ve seen so far). Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to do grammar boot-camps anymore, but I’ll be sure to point out grammar issues as they crop up.
     
     …
     
     Also, what’s the age of your target audience?

504. # volxwagonon 02 Oct 2009 at 6:12 pm

     Im starting my own novel company and im stillon the basics.One i got over 42 superhumans in all , divided equally in to good and bad. I know how it is going to start and end. By once there was a time were there were super heros who did one differently then the others, and they andIm st one of them end up killing a (unneeded) superhero , so they split and each section wich is about 15 for each one maybe more , it goes they fight intill some crecooperate into the nextplanet mars and thats the good guys and they set up base but whil that happens they get ambushed by the vilians and it drags onto the last planet Pluto where the leaders call the fight between them ( wich are Good:American Arrow and the Bad:still in process of thinking of a name) fight and they battle and they back off and the rest is pretty good.

     I was wondering if i could get some tips from you guys.

505. # B. Macon 02 Oct 2009 at 8:16 pm

     Hello, Volxwagon! I have a few suggestions…
     
     1. I know one guy that started up a novel publishing company. Even more so than other endeavors in the publishing industry, it is freakishly difficult. It also requires a lot of technical savvy, experience and seed money. I would recommend a more limited project like trying to get a novel published (which is a feat in itself) rather than taking on a vastly more difficult and financially dangerous business endeavor. If you are dead-set on starting your own publishing company, I would recommend at least getting a job in the publishing industry for a few years if you have not done so already– it will probably be superbly difficult to find venture capital without a history of success in the field, particularly in this business climate.
     
     2. I think that brushing up a bit on grammar/punctuation/spelling will help a lot, whether you start your own publishing company or just want to sell your manuscript to a publisher. For example, “Im starting my own novel company and im stillon the basics.One i got over 42 superhumans in all , divided equally in to good and bad.” Here’s how I would proofread those two sentences: “I’m starting my own novel company and I’m still on the basics. I have over 42 superhumans in all, divided equally into good and bad.”
     
     3. Just to make sure I understand this correctly… There are 42 superhumans. One of them kills another, and the 42 split into 2-3 groups of 15+. The groups fight and the good guys flee to Mars. The villains attack and force them to Pluto, where the leaders square off in single combat. Right?
     
     4. Who’s the target audience?
     
     5. I think that it would really help to develop the characters a bit. For example, what are some of the distinguishing characteristics of American Arrow? Is he the main character? Why will we like him? What’s his signature flaw? (For example, Peter Parker gets in a lot of trouble because he isn’t responsible enough… that’s why Uncle Ben gets killed). What are the groups fighting over? If the groups split up into sections of about 15, there might be a third group. What’s its deal? Why aren’t they going along with the other two?
     
     Good luck. Huah!

506. # Lone Staron 03 Oct 2009 at 7:54 pm

     Hello all! I had an interesting idea today, not sure where I’ll go with it, but my idea was that a motorcycle rider (possibly a mechanic by day) was driving late at night in the rain, and has poor visibility with the rain and the visor on his helmet. So he runs into a guard rail, and flies off of his bike. Before he hits the ground, his bike zooms around to catch him back in the seat. At this point, he realizes his power, he can control machines. The only flaw is that machines are not always cooperative, much like animals, as they can be “tainted” by the souls of their owner. Kind of based off of the idea of kami in classic Japanese mythology. So while he’s figuring out his powers, a biker gang all gain superpowers, and he has to fight to survive their attempt to overtake the city. Sound cool?

507. # B. Macon 03 Oct 2009 at 9:30 pm

     That sounds kind of interesting, but if he’s flying off his bike, I’m not sure how much good it will do him to land on his motorcycle rather than the ground. Maybe you could do something more exotic with the motorcycle that somehow engineers a safe landing for him. For example, causing a truck to lose a fairly soft cargo like hay or something, which creates a cushion for him to land on.

508. # Roon 07 Oct 2009 at 7:06 pm

     Hey guys I was looking at his ability. I was wondering what would be some ways that you would limit this ability?

     Biokinesis, also called Somatokinesis or Genetokinesis (when that faculty is used) is the mental ability to alter the DNA structure and personal body functions of oneself and/or others. One with this ability can shapeshift to change one’s skin color, size, weight or appearance (or even to shift from the appearance of one species to another). However, shapeshifting to that of another species can often only be done within the same mass, so one cannot become the size of a mouse or an elephant with this ability. Many faculties and enhancements branch and stem from this ability (variations even allow the user to move and manipulate bodily organs themselves).

509. # Ragged Boyon 07 Oct 2009 at 7:25 pm

     Biokinesis is very difficult to limit just because of its sheer versatility. I think the easiest restriction would be a time restriction. That way it wouldn’t matter what he could do, if he can’t get the job done in time. You could put a general limit on how much he can transform. Alternatively, you could have his transformations be painful or uncomfortable so it would discourage him from shifting too much.

510. # Chandleron 07 Oct 2009 at 8:32 pm

     Hey, guys. I am rewriting a vampire novel (which I’d like to turn into a graphic novel) titled Dark Millennium. The Templar (who is like a Freemason) is planning to start a new world order. Within the Templar, you have lower level initiates, who are vampires from younger bloodlines, and then you have the upper initiates who are highly evolved. They’re trying to build a hybrid race by mixing Carpathian DNA with vampire DNA. The Carpathians are a Nephilim bloodline that they had been feuding with for centuries.
     
     What do you think? Thanks.

511. # B. Macon 08 Oct 2009 at 3:40 pm

     Here are some impressions, Chandler…
     
     1) There are three imaginary words here: Nephilim, Carpathians and Templar (which is a real word, but probably made-up in this context). I feel that’s a lot for ~90 words.
     
     2) What’s a Freemason? Rather than comparing your villain to a concept that readers might not be familiar with, I’d recommend just focusing on the New World Order.
     
     3) Not sure about mixing fantasy elements like vampires with sci-fi elements like genetic engineering. I think that many readers will accept urban fantasy like Dresden Files and most vampire stories set in the modern-day, though. The difference, I feel, is that modern technology is just a part of the setting in books like Dresden Files. In contrast, technology is a major part of the plot of yours– also, it’s science fiction rather than real-life technology.

512. # Ragged Boyon 08 Oct 2009 at 4:56 pm

     I’m contemplating another power change for Adrian. I like this one, but it’s definitely a double-edged sword. The power is that his suit allows him to summon both offensive and defense equipment from a junk dimension created for storage by Jimelly. The catch is that, in all of Jimelly’s battiness, he gave the suit’s summoning function a randomizer (or left it with one, I should say). So as opposed to getting just what you need for the situation, you’re more likely to get something that’s barely useful or not useful at all (unless you’re a good improviser . Before you say it, I know that this power has a lot of potential to make the most ridiculous of Eigen plots. But I also think it has a lot of potential for making creative scenes. Now trust me on this I can handle it.

     Ability Breakdown: The [whatever] suit was designed to rapidly train galactic soldier in advanced and not-so-advanced technology by supplying them with a large arsenal of equipment. Due to Jimelly never finishing the suits summoning command system and losing his notes on it in a odd accident the summoning selection function works at random. After a certain time period, the object will be retracted into the suit and there will be a short recharge period before it can summon again.

     It functions by the wearer either thinking or saying “Offense” or “Defense” and the suit summons a random object from the storage/junk dimension accordingly. Ranging from a marbles to high-powered energy cannons and a hunk of wood to projective energy fields. It should also be noted that with Jimelly as the owner of the suit there are chances that Showtime’ll summon a non-battle related object.

     In the event that a useless object is brought forward the suit has generic physical enhancements to allow for unarmed combat.

     (Of course, if I were to explain this in-story I would definitely shorten it up)

     The most obvious problem with this new power is that it will be hard to turn him into an alien. The most obvious thing I can think of is that Jim gives Adrian a formula to meld the suit with his DNA, creating a new race of alien (Randomoids, Haha!).

     I’m hope I’m not so excited that my judgement is clouded. Set me back on track, B. Mac.

513. # Tomon 09 Oct 2009 at 9:34 am

     One problem I can already see with the idea is this bit: “Due to Jimelly never finishing the suit’s summoning command system and losing his notes on it in a odd accident, the summoning selection function works at random.”
     
     Since you’ve mentioned a trope, I’ll name another one, No Plans No Prototypes No Backups. It feels rather contrived that he lost his notes and he can’t reproduce them. Can you think of a way around that?

514. # Lighting Manon 09 Oct 2009 at 10:52 am

     I don’t think with the character that Ragged Boy has shown it would be that odd, but you could have a storyline down the road where Jimelly (I think he survives, doesn’t he?) is forced to attempt to recreate the suit based off the original specifications sent by the corporation or army that ordered the suit, which could lead to either dramedy as Jimelly is never able to reach the heights of previous brilliance as he did with Showtime’s somewhat broken suit, or an adversarial relationship where Jimelly wants to deconstruct it so he can recreate it.

     Jimelly could have derived it from the symbiotic technology of an alien race that is now deceased (wiped out by one of your big baddies, perhaps?) naturally possessed the ability to access hammer-space, but used the suit to enhance it, that would explain the randomized factor more thoroughly and why he can’t properly recreate it, if the sample he used in creating the suit formed the base of Adrian’s.

     Perhaps the sample Jimelly used contained a rudimentry Artificial Intelligence, and the sample also contained the DNA of the aliens, or the knowledge and materials required for replicating a batch of the of the alien races’ DNA, which it then melds to Adrian after he is bonded with it for a period of time, changing him into a hybrid, and increasing the accuracy of his calls. Just ideas though.

515. # B. Macon 09 Oct 2009 at 4:02 pm

     I sort of like the idea of vacuum-space (I once outlined a character that used it, but the character had only serious equipment like M-16s and the like and possibly small vehicles). The restriction that he can’t control what he gets is interesting. I think that the distinction between offense and defense is not very helpful.
     
     However. I’m not sure that this fits the mood/target audience. I think it would be ideal in a situation like Inspector Gadget, where a character has to be unlethal at all costs because kids can’t be shown real violence. So giving him goofy “weapons” is an effective way to keep the violence down, if you need to. However, it’s also likely to compromise the book’s seriousness. If his character arc is him saving the day by getting more serious, I think that would be counterproductive. Also… what I’ve seen so far of his school and home situation seems very serious and gritty. I think it would clash with the random items.
     
     What do you think? Ultimately, that’s a lot more important than my alleged “guidance.”

516. # Roon 11 Oct 2009 at 6:09 am

     Hey wuzup SN? I was wondering if anybody knew what kind of abilities someone would have if they could manipulate electrons, photons, and neutrons….

     nanokinesis is the name of it…. Nanokinesis- Manipulation of subatomic particles, like electrons, protons and neutrons, including their motion behavior and their chemical processes

     thanks guys

517. # Ragged Boyon 11 Oct 2009 at 6:37 am

     You make some good points, particularly about compromising my book’s seriousness. Ultimately, I think I can pull it off. It will be a challenge to make it look serious, but I think I can do it. I think I’ll take away the offense and defense distinction. I agree that it doesn’t add much. I don’t think it will be counterproductive (maybe I have a self-serving bias) simply because he can’t control what he gets. It’s more along the lines of working with what you have and oppose to just getting perfect things. I think it can still be serious, but sort of like One Piece in that there is usually an element of comedy.

518. # Roon 12 Oct 2009 at 4:18 pm

     Name:
     Ht. 6′4
     wt. 195

     Powers/abilities: His ability is Cosmokinesis. Cosmokinesis is the tremendously powerful superhuman ability to mentally manipulate the energy generated by stars as well as their electromagnetic, gravitational, radiation and cosmic energies (even cosmic rays). Simply put, one could manipulate energy generated by stars, dark matter, quasars and the cosmic media in space. One with this ability could generate stellar winds, solar flares, cosmic storms and even invoke meteor showers (and could be able to manipulate weather as well).

     He has the ability to absorb and manipulate energy generated from the the cosmos. This includes suns, stars, planets, or moons. He also has the ability to absorb different forms of energy and convert them into cosmic energy. he uses the cosmic energy to grant him superhuman attributes.

     Superstrength (60 tons)
     Superspeed(mach 5)
     Nigh invulnerability
     Superhuman stamina and endurance

     Now i kno he seems to be overpowered but i think he will be good for the type of story im creating. My idea is that there is a prominent super hero team. They have saved the world so many times, but over the years they have become corrupt. But to the human population they are held as saviors that can do no wrong. Well this hero stumbles across information and witnesses the corruption with his own eyes. This plus the fact that he finds out that his mother was killed because of this secret.

     So he decides that he has no choice but to stand up to them.

     What do you think? Let me know.

519. # Marissaon 12 Oct 2009 at 4:51 pm

     Ro, I don’t have the time to do more than skim, but a couple of initial thoughts.

     1. Height and weight are the two least important traits for 99% of characters. The fact that you list those two but don’t once (if I’m not mistaken) mention personality tells me your priorities need to shift a little before this can even slightly succeed.

     2. He’s definitely overpowered. You addressed that, but I’m not sure how your explanation excuses that?

520. # B. Macon 12 Oct 2009 at 4:55 pm

     I agree with Marissa. I’d like to know a lot more about what kind of person he is– that’s a lot more important than his powers, his height or weight.
     
     Also, on the issue of overpoweredness. Will you be able to challenge him? I would imagine that there are very few entities in your universe that are powerful enough to do so, so you’ll probably have to keep drawing on the same threats again and again. It might get monotonous?

521. # Ragged Boyon 12 Oct 2009 at 7:50 pm

     I came up with a much similar power when planning Showtime. Although, my version was mostly limited to creating a cosmic aura that boosts physical ability and a few things he can evoke. I’d agree to choose one division of his power, physical powers or complex powers. Or a more reasonable mix of both.

522. # Ghoston 12 Oct 2009 at 10:18 pm

     I have to agree with the other Ro, your character has just to much going on. In fact i think you could create a whole team with what you have. I don’t think you have a bad idea, but i do believe you will find it difficult to challenge your character and in turn create suspense with your reader. If your character can draw his power from so many different forms of energy, then never have moments of weakness or deadlines by which he has to beat the bad guys. For example, Ghost rider(not one of my favorite marvel characters by the way) can only use his powers at night. So if he does not beat the bad guy by dawn then he loses or has to rely on his brains to win. Also, with your choice of powers for your character have left him no limits. Its one thing to be super strong, but its another to be super strong and to tire at a super slow rate. My suggestion would be to take your list, cut it in half, and then either use the top half or the bottom half. I think it would improve your character if he could have super strength and speed while still get tired relitively easy, or take a licking and keep on ticking(within a reasonable range of course). That way he could either have the strength and speed to take down the bad guy(unless he becomes exhausted first) or he can’t overpower them, but instead can keep trying until he successed. Finaly remember this, everyone love to cheer for the underdog, because it is more exciting when they win.

523. # Roon 13 Oct 2009 at 1:44 pm

     Yea I guess I just like the idea of supermen like characters. I know nobody here really does…lol. But my opinion is that there will be a balance allowing for a variety of characters.

     But my thought was that the team he would have to fight would have uber powerful characters such as the wonderwomans, supermen, green lanterns.

     so he would one of many super powerful characters on Earth and in the universe. That was my thinking.

524. # B. Macon 13 Oct 2009 at 2:12 pm

     Hmm, okay. My rule of thumb is that it’s easiest to write a character that can fight with street criminals, but it sounds like you could conceivably come up with a novel worth of material out of a team of traitors. (Like a novelized form of Kill Bill… notwithstanding that Kill Bill itself was sort of inspired by a novel). This was also a major part of the first few arcs of the comic series Invincible, although it was just one traitor killing the rest of his teammates one-by-one.
     
     I would, however, recommend simplifying the powers and probably eliminating a few of the aspects that are not as important. Generally, I think a good rule of thumb is “two sentences.” If it takes you more than two sentences (~20 words) to describe the character’s superpowers, there’s probably too much going on.

525. # Ghoston 13 Oct 2009 at 7:11 pm

     Ro, I think the limits are a good start, but I still think everything seems over the top. Being able to lift 75 tons means your character could bench press a 747 aircraft, not to mention that he could fly just as fast as a 747. The super stamina is kinda relative, but he sounds like he can last awhile. Of course, all of this is fine, but you need to understand that having a character like this is going to make your job as a writer harder because, in my opinion, you are going to have a harder time making your audience believe in your character. Unfortunately, origin storys like “I’m an alien” or “I got bite by a radioactive bug” just don’t cut it anymore. Yeah, we stll love spiderman and superman, but that is probably because we grew up with them. Nowadays though, I think you are going to have to have an ironclad origin story to make your character work. Also, since your “villians”are going to be even more superpowered than your hero you are going to have to make them believible too.
     So to point of all that babbling is this: If you chose to use your character as is, then have a really good background story for how he got his powers and how they work. If you dont do that then I think your character is going to feel fake to your reader.

526. # Roon 13 Oct 2009 at 8:16 pm

     Yea i appreciate it Ghost. I think there will be room for all of it. You know? As for me i like the over the top stuff as well as the more “believable” stories. My goal is to be able to balance it out with the different characters and their abilities. Like I said there will be challenges and ostacles that he will have to overcome, and at times it will get a little out there, but i think that people will be able to enjoy it. So thats just my opinion and again i definitely appreciate the help.

     Ill post some bio info in the next couple of days. Thanks again!

527. # Ghoston 14 Oct 2009 at 9:00 am

     Ro, when I looked up the weight its said 150,000 pound, but of course there are no editorial requirements for the web so my source could be wrong. Also, what I meant earlier about the believablity of story was that your reader may run into problems with suspension of disbelief. Suspension of disbelief, if you don’t already know, is th process by which the reader becomes invested in a story and kinda views it as a form of reality. As a result, readers become anxious when the main character is in trouble, happy when he wins, and sad when he suffers a lose. With your character though, I feel you are going have to work harder to get your readers to suspend their disbelief, because your character is over the top. That is what I was trying to say earlier, not that you should write a more real worldish superhero story like the X-Men movies. So good luck.

528. # Roon 16 Oct 2009 at 4:53 pm

     So i was thinking. Should the overpowered theory be based on the universe that you have created? I think it should. Clearly a hero like superman is overpowered. But lets pretend that he only had superstrength, speed, senses, and invulnerability.

     I dont think he would be considered overpowered. Especially considering the level of heroes that are involved. If the universe is one that includes a planet or even a universe of individuals that are powered similarly, it should even out. Does that make sense?

529. # Roon 19 Oct 2009 at 9:54 pm

     Hello everybody. Im going to try this again. let me know what you think?

     Name: Kratos
     Powers/abilities: He has superstrength(60-75 tons), super speed(35-40 mph), Superhuman stamina, Virtual invulnerability(succeptible electricity and im still working on more weaknesses.), and flight(80-90 mph).

     Personality: Extrovert, Adventurer, Problem solver. Lacks initimacy, extrmely superficial. He is a politician’s politician. He thrives in the spot light and loves to give speeches to large crowds. He is charming but sometimes he can come across as insensitve to others around him because he lacks intimacy in relationships.

     Name: Force
     Powers/abilities: His ability is known as kinetic mimicry. He has the ability to mimic an object or persons kinetic energy.

     Persoanlity: The Hyper. Overactive thought and behavior, Thrill seeker. Outgoing, energetic. Easily excited and sometimes has outburst of euphoria. His moods shift extremely fast so he is prone to episodes of explosives anger. He is self-centered and is usually absorbed by his own grandiose. He is always showing off. Ladies man. Emotional.

     Can be life of the party but can soon become annoying due to his extreme self-centeredness.

     Name: Cortex
     Powers/abilities: Her ability is Dermal adaptation. She activates her ability by pulling off a layer of skin to revel a new protective covering. She can imitate virtually any kind of material from marble to diamond. Her strength and durability vary based on the material she is mimicing up to 10 tons.

     Personality: The resilient. abilty to recover from losses and disappointments remarkably fast. productive good concentration, motivated, effective problem solver.
     independent but sometimes unable to recieve help from others. self criticism which causes her to find intense fault in herself and others.

     This is all I have so far. Let me know what you think. Thank you

530. # Jackon 20 Oct 2009 at 1:19 pm

     I have some ideas and suggestions for your characters.
     
     Kratos is pretty cool. I’d suggest putting him in a realm with similarly powerful superhumans.
     
     Anyway, he doesn’t have invulnerability if he’s weak to electricity.
     
     My suggestion would be impenetrable skin or resistance to physical harm but not against electricity, drowning, etc.
     
     The other two are awesome!

531. # Jackon 20 Oct 2009 at 1:21 pm

     Ro, I have a comment about the “overpowered theory”

     Also the DC writers made sure Superman is no longer “overpowered”, since there’s a whole group with powers like him so he’s evened out with them, and has weaknesses.

     Anyway if you have someone powerful don’t put them in a realistic setting, put them in a fantasy realm or a world with others of similar power or above.

532. # Ragged Boyon 20 Oct 2009 at 1:35 pm

     I’m going to need some more background, but I have some thoughts based on what you’ve said so far.
     
     - Measuring your character’s powers in quantities is usually unnecessary and might come off as slightly amateurish. I don’t think you need to include numeric measures.
     
     -Kratos seems a bit overpowered. I’d recommend removing the superspeed altogether– it’s probably a bit much when paired with superstrength. I’d also recommend weakening the invulnerability. Readers like when a hero’s life is actually at stake, not when he can shrug off pain and keep going. Readers love the struggles of a beaten, yet persistent hero.
     
     - Kratos and Force’s personalities are a little too similar. It seems like Force is just slightly wilder. I’d recommend differentiating them more.
     
     -All three of your characters have superstrength in some form. You might want to mix it up a bit.

533. # Jackon 20 Oct 2009 at 1:52 pm

     - I actually think what she did was good. They do that on several official wiki’s and website. What if there are two people with super strength a kid with super strength and an adult have different levels.

     - It depends on who your writing for, in my opinion. Kratos is a bit strong, but if you numb down the invulnerability to impenetrable skin and make the speed so that it’s fast but not too too fast. As for readers it depends for comics or who your fighting. Claire is technically unstoppable but she can still be drowned, choked, stabbed, Kratos can have similar weaknesses.

     -Force mimicks kinetic energy? How does he have a form of super strength?

534. # Roon 20 Oct 2009 at 3:07 pm

     Force has the ability to mimic kinetic energy. For example, he mimics the speed and strength of a rollercoaster. So, for his abilities to be effective, he also has to move to apply the energy. He couldn’t lift the car, but he could hit it really hard or run through it.
     
     I plan to have characters just as strong and as powerful as Kratos. And he’s not completely invulnerable, just virtually invulnerable. Hopefully that makes sense.
     
     When I put in all the characters from the universe the powers and abilities will even out. I want Kratos to be that Superman-esque character. I don’t think he is overpowered at all. There are examples of characters who are invulnerable but have weaknesses to particular elements or materials. But when I say invulnerable, I meant resistant to physical harm. Basically, anybody stronger than him could drown him or beat him to death. I want my universe to have a balance or a variety of characters.
     
     But that’s just my opinion. Thanks for the input.

535. # Jackon 20 Oct 2009 at 7:04 pm

     Kinetic energy is movement. So I’d assume he could mimic the speed of a car or track. Of course, a side effect of momentum could be strength.
     
     Well, it depends how involved your “God” characters are. What are they doing? In Watchmen, Dr. Manhattan was certainly godlike, but the comic was awesome. Dr. M was a hero for the Government that was losing his humanity and not saving lives. He did eventually come to save the world, but realized the anti-villain’s plan for false peace was better.
     
     If Kratos is in a world filled with people of similar strength, he should be fine in my opinion. Your universe eminds me of anime verses such as DBZ, where the characters mix in. As long as the hero faces problems and is endangered, the story should succeed.
     
     Good luck!

536. # Ghoston 20 Oct 2009 at 7:19 pm

     Ro,
     
     Sorry I didn’t reply to your comment– I was out of town. I don’t think that a superhero’s powers are relative to their universe. I think overpoweredness is going to be determined by how different your character is from the average human, and of course your average reader. That difference is the reason why people recommend not using overpowered characters, because the more different your main character is from your reader, the more difficult it is going to be for your readers to relate to them. That being said, it is not impossible to make a reader relate to an outlandish character, but it is a lot harder. So good luck with that.
     
     Also, I like your character outlines. Some people don’t need to have exact information for their characters, but I do. I like to know exactly what their limits are so I don’t change things around too much.

537. # Roon 20 Oct 2009 at 8:03 pm

     Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it. Sometimes I get sorta discouraged because I want to make great work and have people enjoy my art. But I think the best way for me to do that is to allow my creativity to flow naturally. So I’m going to keep posting material and I hope you guys keep critiquing it so that I can make it better. Thanks again!

538. # ForsAkenon 24 Oct 2009 at 9:04 pm

     I have a couple main characters but i cannot put them together in the same story so if any of you have some advice please help. Oh and so far i have “Recon” a genetically and bio enginnered super soilder, “Shade” a former supernatural hunter who leads a rebellion group against vampire control, im not sure on a name for this one yet but can manipulate time (in my mind kind of a matrix thing) also she was a former quantam mechanic. I am forming a plot but i need some help thinking of putting these people together so if you have any help please post.

539. # Wingson 01 Nov 2009 at 3:56 pm

     Depends. One power, if there are ways to use it creatively and it hasn’t been overused (Super strength, flight, and speed are some of the most common overused examples) can actually be better than an assortment. For instance, a character with hydrokinesis, or water manipulation could, in the hands of a good writer, do a variety of things – create a bubble underwater in order to breathe, make a cloud of steam to conceal a retreat, make water swallow up an enemy, even possibly change the weather by using the amounts of water in the air.

     Characters with multiple powers tend to be overpowered if done wrong (Looking at you, Superman) but if the powers have limits/are relatively small-scale (Being able to tell if someone is lying as opposed to reading minds, for instance) and if the powers aren’t drastically different (Say, water and ice manipulation as opposed to fire and ice).

     Above all, the powers shouldn’t require too much explanation. Maybe…one or two sentences tops. (I dare someone to make a list of all of Superman’s powers – and i mean ALL of them. Even the ones that only lasted for one issue). Keep it simple.

     Hopefully this helped.

     - Wings

540. # B. Macon 01 Nov 2009 at 7:40 pm

     I’m not sure if I would consider these superpowers, but he’s usually pretty good at martial arts and the comics mention his spatial geometry skills a few times. (It’s how he knows the right angle for bouncing his laser). I can’t think of anything more distinctly super than that.

541. # MacGruberon 02 Nov 2009 at 6:41 pm

     I’ve been tossing around the idea of a villain for my hero Phase (detailed information here for those who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about: http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/05/8-common-problems-with-psychic-superheroes/ )

     Ivan Didrier was once a police officer on Manhatten island. He was taken seriously by his coworkers and was on the fasttrack to be the police sergeant when the current one retired. But everything changed soon enough.

     One day, Didrier’s station is called to the home of three notorious gangsters, all well-known (and hated) throughout the community as drug dealers. The station is called in to bust the home, with six men (including Didrier) being dispatched to the scene.

     In the ensuing firefight, stray bullets strike Didrier in the eyes, causing them to swell and bleed out. Once the three drug dealers are subdued, Didrier is rushed to the hospital.

     Too late to save his vision though. The doctors remove Didrier’s now-useless eyes and, in an experimental surgery to save his vision, the doctors insert synthetic eyes.

     These eyes are basically biomechanical orbs, about the size of your average eyeball. Light is absorbed through a glass-like apparatus at the front of each synthetic eyeball. Computer chips at the back of the eye read and interpret this pattern. The data is sent along a near-microscopic wire, which is attached to the now-clipped optic nerve, to the brain for the signal to be interpreted. The light then bounces back out of the eye.

     However, the bullets that destroyed Didrier’s vision have also destroyed his sanity. Unlike before the accident, Didrier now is obsessed with revenge, and is insane with it. And he’s got plenty of things to get revenge for. He wants to get revenge on the police station for forcing him to resign due to his disability. He especially wants revenge on the three gangsters who ruined his life.

     In preparation for his ultimate revenge, Didrier tweaks his synthetic eye just slightly. He covers the glass-like apparatus with an intense magnifying glass-like lens. This lens focuses the light that bounces back out of the eye, intensifying it into a sort of laser (remember frying ants with your magnifying glass when you were kids?).

     So one night, after Didrier has finished all his preparations, he revisits the police station that ruined his life. Didrier, his face covered in a dark red ski mask, body with a dark red sweatshirt, lower body with dark red pants, and hands and feet covered in white gloves and boots respectively, enters the station and melts the security cameras along his way to the cafeteria.

     Didrier sneaks into the kitchen and grabs eight long, skinny knives, which he sharpens with his laser vision. He rushes into the cell block, where he sees the three drug dealers and a guard, patrolling the row of cells. Didrier sneaks up behind the guard and trips him, causing the guard to fall to the ground. Didrier flips the guard onto his back and shoves two of the knives into the guard’s eyes.

     Didrier does this to the three criminals as well, though he uses his laser vision to get into the cells without keys and to subdue the more violent criminal.

     When Didrier is finished, the knives now shoved through his victims’s eyes, he carves an eye into the nearby wall with his laser vision, and walks off.

     Ivan Didrier has two powers (three if you count insanity):
     - heat vision (the ability to sense heat)
     - laser vision (the ability to shoot lasers)

     The laser vision takes a toll on his synthetic eyes’s batteries, meaning he has to recharge fairly often.

     Ivan Didrier calls himself Gamma, after Omicron, after the Greek letter omicron, which reminds him of an eye.

     Didrier/Omicron’s personality/physical traits:
     - He is extremely vengeful
     - He is obsessed with the human eye, calling it the most valuable piece of Nature’s ingenuity
     - He has recruited a team of about twenty henchmen, who were all originally blind, but given sight by Didrier when he installed the synthetic eyes into his henchmen. His henchmen (called Pupils) do not have laser vision, but instead possess guns with heat-seeking bullets
     - He is bent on crushing the Manhatten police force and replacing it with himself and his cronies, feeling that he could do a better job of not screwing people over
     - He considers himself the chief deliverer of justice, painfully killing anyone he believes has committed a crime on sight, no questions asked
     - He sees Phase, the police, and anyone who still puts their faith in the police as a threat to his perfect world
     - He has an average thirty year-old’s physique, with dark black hair and expressionless eyes
     - His uniform is all dark red with a large eye in the center of his chest

     Let me know what you think!

542. # B. Macon 04 Nov 2009 at 5:54 pm

     A few quick questions. Does the operation restore his vision successfully? Second, if he does get his vision back, why’s he so obsessed with revenge? What has he actually lost? I’d recommend making the insanity stem from something else– for example, maybe his eyes look REAL freaky and everybody gives him 10-20 feet. Or maybe the vision works but not in a way that it used to. For example, maybe he only sees in black-and-white. That would drive me bonkers.
     
     Does it really matter what he’s wearing when he goes in the police station?
     
     Calling his henchmen Pupils is maybe a bit too punny for a fairly dark, serious story. It’d work better in Venture Brothers, I think.

543. # MacGruberon 05 Nov 2009 at 5:43 am

     No problem (remindng you).

     Yes, the operation does restore his vision successfully, but the vision goes out at inopportune times.

     People do tend to avoid him on the street (just like people tend to avoid people with glass eyes).

     He’s bent on revenge because:
     - His wife left him after the operation, due to ugliness of the eyes
     - The police station fired him. They didn’t want his vision to go out when they’re at a crime with guns involved

     Because of these two things, he blames the criminals for getting rid of the two best things in his life. Plus, he blames the police for not trusting him with his new eyes. Thus the grounds for his revenge.

     Or the vision could be on a two or three second delay. For example, if someone throws a ball, you’ll realize someone threw the ball three seconds after they threw it. It could have already hit you by then.

     But I personally prefer that the vision just cuts out at inopportune times.

     I don’t even know why I added what he was wearing that night.

     I see that now (the Pupils thing). What is your suggestion for the collective name for his henchmen?

544. # Lighting Manon 05 Nov 2009 at 1:00 pm

     Personally, I don’t think one is needed. Beyond the more campy versions, there isn’t a collective name for the majority of supervillains henchmen, even if they have a theme. Most Joker henchmen wear clown make-up, for instance, but they’re just underlings, nothing more decorative then that.

     What if instead of the delay, his vision has small fugacious moments where they blank out, I mean mere milliseconds. To use a comparison, if his vision were a film or animated clip, he’d miss every third or so frame, essentially making his life choppy, like a video game running on a system that can’t handle it. It wouldn’t be a significant weakness like the delay, but it would make it physically hurt to see, which would presumably limit the amount of time he could comfortably see in a day.

     I like B. Mac’s suggestion of black and white vision, but perhaps instead of that, the eyes could have been derived from military testing and use light intensifying night vision instead? This would limit his activities to night time due to his greatly increased sensitivity to light. This would also explain why his eyes look so weird, they would presumably glow green quite brightly in response to their nature.

545. # RPG-92on 12 Nov 2009 at 5:49 pm

     I think someone should make a new superhero universe because DC and Marvel are already too full. I mean, how can any other hero become famous if everywhere you see it’s Batman, Superman, Spiderman or the Hulk tv shows or movies. The only time these heroes got any spotlight was on Batman: The Brave and the Bold or Teen Titans. I wish to make mine a tv superhero first (on a kids’ network like CN) then make it a comic book (hey, it worked for Megas XLR). I think someone (me, if possible) should make a new universe, so how can someone do that?

546. # B. Macon 12 Nov 2009 at 10:44 pm

     Launching a new superhero universe is not freakishly difficult; making it popular is. The most feasible way would probably be to start off a comic series.
     
     Here’s an abbreviated how-to guide.
     
     First, you’d get a concept for a plot (rather than a universe), a character trying to accomplish a difficult goal. I’d also recommend thinking about target audience at this point–that will help prevent distractions from plot elements that don’t fit the audience.
     
     Second, you’d write a pilot issue, either designed as a stand-alone or as the first of an arc of probably 3-6 comics. (The fewer, the better). It depends on the publisher, but you’d probably to want your issue’s script at 32 pages if you were submitting to Dark Horse or Image. (The first draft should probably be 40-50 pages, though; that will give you ample material to work with when you’re rewriting).
     
     Third. If you’re submitting a comic that would be the first of an arc, then you’d want a synopsis of what happens over the course of the arc (the 3-6 comics, including issue 1). 1-3 pages. I’d recommend giving each issue a paragraph (more on the rest later). Each issue needs to 1) contain enough material to fit the page count and 2) end with a cliffhanger or discovery that makes the audience want to keep reading. (That’s crucial because you need to show that your series can retain readers from one issue to the next). Then I’d recommend spending the rest of your space discussing arc-wide plot issues (like how the most important character evolves). I’d also recommend discussing business details like your target audience and competing series.
     
     For the competing series section, pick a few well-known works that appeal to a similar audience as yours and then explain why they will pick your work rather than theirs. What makes your work better? For example, if we were doing this for Static Shock, we might write something like “As a regular nerdy student, the protagonist of Static Shock has a similar audience appeal to Spiderman. However, my series will be able to appeal to minority readers because Static Shock is black and deals with issues like racism.” Just come up with something that makes it sound plausible that a few thousand readers a month will pull your series off the shelf.
     
     If you’re submitting a standalone, then I’d go back to your ending and make sure that the character accomplishes enough to leave the reader satisfied but leaves enough open that an editor might think “we could do an issue about that.” For example, if the hero’s main goal is getting revenge against a thug that just killed his family or whatever, he might do so but discover that the problem is actually a lot bigger than just a single thug. If you’re submitting a standalone, the synopsis probably shouldn’t be longer than a page.
     
     Fourth. Check your script again. Is it really as stylish and smooth as you can possibly make it? The publishing company will usually accept or reject your series without reading later issues, so it’s critical that issue 1 hits whatever notes you’re going for (hilarity, intense action, suspense, wit, engrossing romance, etc). Also, make sure that it’s easy to follow and uses as little exposition as possible. (For example, rather than the narrator telling us the story is set in PARIS, FRANCE, you could show the characters doing something with the Eiffel Tower or Arc de Triomphe in the background).
     
     Fifth. Check out the submission requirements for the publishers you’re interested in. If they require more, do so. For example, Image requires five fully colored pages but Dark Horse does not. (Every publisher appreciates colored pages, though; if the pages are good, they will instantly make your proposal more professional, feasible and fleshed-out). If you plan to do art before submission, you have to line up at least an inker and a colorer at this point. These have to be the artists that you will use for the series– the sample art is no good if it will not actually look like the comic book you will actually produce.
     
     Sixth. Read through all of your materials again and make sure that they are coherent and persuasive. Why will thousands of readers want to buy this? Remember, show-don’t-tell. It is not good enough to say “they will want to buy this because it is an exciting thriller about a relatable protagonist.” Your opinion does not matter to the editor. It is much, much more effective to give the editor the evidence so that he can decide on his own. For example, “Dead on Arrival is about a poisoned high schooler who has two days to solve his own murder,” etc. It’s easy to see why that would be exciting and why high schoolers would want to read about this protagonist.
     
     Seventh. Once you’re sure you have everything, submit to publishers. You’ll be waiting for a few months, so in the meantime I would recommend writing out your next issue.
     
     Eighth. Best case scenario: the publisher says yes. Next best case scenario: the publisher gives you a list of changes it would like to see and asks you to resubmit as soon as possible. Next best scenario: a personalized rejection letter. (This shows that the editor liked your submission more than most of the other rejects). Most likely scenario: silent rejection. Unless you get accepted, revise your story and keep submitting until you get accepted. This might take months.
     
     Ninth. Once you are accepted, get your book out. (Your editor will lay out what he wants to see and when, so that’s a big help).
     
     Tenth. If the sales on your standalone impressed the publisher, they might ask for more issues at some point in the future. If you started with an arc and they’re impressed with the sales, they might ask for another arc or maybe even offer an ongoing series. But, yeah, the sales are really important. If you have them, you can take it from a single issue to a gradually expanding series (and maybe even a true universe someday). If sales are bad, the publisher will probably let it end as scheduled. If sales are REALLY bad on an arc, the publisher might pull the plug before all of the issues have been released.
     
     If the sales are really, really good, you might be able to make a cartoon out of it someday. I wouldn’t get your hopes up, though; there are extremely few superhero cartoons that aren’t licensed by DC or Marvel… if working on a superhero cartoon is what you want to do more than anything else, I suspect it would be best to work for either.
     
     As I noted above, I think comic books (or novels, for that matter) are most feasible. Comic books and novels are fairly cheap to produce. Releasing a first novel might cost a publisher tens of thousands of dollars (the author’s advance, the cost of printing and distributing a few thousand copies, editors, any promotions, etc). Comic books are probably somewhat more expensive. If we’re talking about an arc of series, I imagine we’d be somewhere in the low six figures. I’m pretty sure that a cartoon would be vastly more expensive than that. I’m trying to remember the figure cartoonist Harry Partridge (the guy that did Saturday Morning Watchmen) quoted me, but I think it was $10,000 for a 90 second cartoon clip. EVERY EPISODE is 20-22 minutes long. If you’ve ever looked through the credits on a cartoon show, just count how many people are involved in the production. I find it hard to imagine that you could get a cartoon show out for less than a million. This raises huge obstacles for an unproven, young writer. What 50 year-old studio executive wants to bet millions of dollars (and probably his job) on a 20 year old? Hell, he wouldn’t even bet millions of dollars on a well-established B-list series like Hellboy. It’s a lot safer to go with another iteration of a series that has demonstrated appeal to young viewers (Superman/Batman/Justice League and Spiderman/X-Men, mostly).

547. # RPG-92on 13 Nov 2009 at 5:36 pm

     THANK YOU.
     
     Well, I don’t know about a kid who faces racism, but he’s somewhat a fusion of Eric Foreman (That 70s Show) and Spiderman. He reads comic books and knows the responsibilities of having superpowers… so he doesn’t want them (only the powers) but since he has them, he’s constantly guilted into being a hero. He faces crime with a sarcastic attitude. It’s got jokes and a lot of secrets of how he got them. My inspiration was basically Naruto and many superhero stories. I know it won’t be easy, but even Ben 10 (which made no sense) could do it, so I’m going to try. I’ve already written three scripts (the first one being an hour-long episode) and I need nine more because I’m going to Burbank, California in a year. If I get this done, my next step is making a new comic brand.

548. # B. Macon 13 Nov 2009 at 8:32 pm

     Hmm. Screenwriting is definitely not my forte, so take this with a huge chunk of salt. Generally, I’d recommend submitting a sample that’s as close to the end product as possible. If they’re evaluating a 20-22 minute show, I’d recommend giving them a sample script that’s 20-22 minutes long. Is it common for cartoons to do an hour-long pilot? (Well, Justice League started out with three sequential episodes, but they aired separately).
     
     I suspect that they would not require you to have the scripts for all of the episodes in season one ready when you make your pitch. Perhaps Tom could help you more about the particulars; he’s making a run at getting a superhero cartoon on the air and sometimes I can sort of conceivably imagine him pulling off something that feels so batshit impossible to me. (Don’t take that as a judgment on your talent, though–convincing a businessman to bet millions of dollars would be prohibitively difficult for anyone).
     
     If TV writing is really your thing, I think it’d be more feasible to work your way up the ladder by writing for a show currently on the air or taking a position at a studio and networking like crazy. I’m struggling to come up with the name, but I vaguely remember reading about a 20-something Marvel writer that worked his way up through its studio and writes for Ironman now.

549. # ShardReaperon 13 Nov 2009 at 8:43 pm

     For most cartoons that I’ve seen, there’s been an hour-long pilot (Ben 10 Alien Force, Superhero Squad Show, Total Drama Island, etc.). I think that they require to have at least five to six episodes worth of scripts for a pitch.

550. # bretton 14 Nov 2009 at 4:41 am

     I’ve got a question– I’m concerned with putting too many heroes and villains into my story because of the trap my favorite show, Heroes, fell into. B. Mac, what would you recommend?

551. # B. Macon 14 Nov 2009 at 12:24 pm

     “I can’t see the story being longer than 200 pages. Is that bad?” Well, it depends on your target audience. 200 pages is probably around 50,000 words, which sounds workable for a young adult novel. (Note: publishers count words, not pages– the amount of words per page varies based on type settings). If you’re looking at readers older than 16, I wouldn’t recommend submitting with less than 65,000 words. But you need to write more than you end up submitting; it will be very difficult to pull off a rewrite without having the flexibility to cut out sections that aren’t working as well as the rest.
     
     If you’re having trouble making 65,000 words, I’d recommend checking out How to Beat Writer’s Block Parts One and Two.

552. # B. Macon 14 Nov 2009 at 1:45 pm

     “I’ve got a question– I’m concerned with putting too many heroes and villains into my story because of the trap my favorite show, Heroes, fell into. B. Mac, what would you recommend?”
     
     Don’t lose track of what’s important. I think that the Invincible comic book series successfully pulled off a large cast because it had a main character and didn’t try to keep working the same characters into the plot. For example, I think Heroes had a lot of trouble after the first season because the writers couldn’t bring themselves to admit that Syler never really had a plausible role after that. (Spoiler) He really should have died in the final episode of season 1. After that, they tried an increasingly convoluted series of idiot plots to keep him around even though there is no remotely sane reason ANYONE would trust him for a moment. (For example, the Company put him in a minimum security prison at the beginning of season 2, made him an agent later, Denko not only made him a cop but let one of his own men get killed in his place, and Matt Parkman decided not to execute Sylar to let Mrs. Petrelli keep a son). Invincible did better because there was a single recurring plot– Invincible maturing and trying to stop the conquest of Earth by alien forces– and worked in the side-cast in a natural and fluid way. This means that you may have to let side-characters go when they are no longer useful to the plot. Not a problem.
     
     In novels, I really like how the Wild Card novels handled a big cast. They didn’t have a main character. It wasn’t even centered on a single team (unlike, say, the Avengers). One of the reasons that I feel this was effective for Wild Cards was that the first novel is set up as a string of mostly self-contained short stories. For the most part, the reader doesn’t have to remember the characters that showed up 20 or 40 pages ago because they’re already out of the story. Although the characters don’t overlap much from one short story to the next, the plot events do.
     
     In general, though, I think it’s easier to keep the plot focused with a small number of main characters. Even if the characters have a fairly simple goal (like “kill the bad guy”), it will be difficult to try something like 7 main characters because it’s so hard to develop that many characters.
     
     Justice League successfully pulled off a large cast, but I think only because most of its main characters are already well-known and don’t require much introduction. Additionally, the Justice League TV show tended to focus on just a few heroes in any particular episode. This is similar to Wild Cards’ setup.
     
     …
     
     Also, villains. If you’re writing a novel, I’d recommend having only one main villain. Trying more than one is very dangerous because it’s easy to end up with an incoherent mess of a plot. For the purposes of plot coherence, it would probably be best if the other villains were subordinates/henchmen/lieutenants of the main villain.

553. # RPG-92on 14 Nov 2009 at 2:09 pm

     Well, his personality is like Eric, because he’s somewhat smartass, sarcastic and learns all of his lessons from TV. He’s also a slacker and now that he has his powers, he sometimes uses them to get revenge on people or play pranks. Some people want his powers because they may be the key to immortality.

554. # ShardReaperon 14 Nov 2009 at 9:12 pm

     B. Mac, I’m not sure I agree with you on your villains sentiment. Several groups of villains, like the Brotherhood in the first X-Men, the Decepticons from Transformers, or the mini-gang of baddies from Heroes have done well without things seeming too confusing. As for coherence, as long as they don’t pull the Heroes move of trying make us care about an admitted psychopath (why didn’t Bennet kill Sylar when he had him locked up for like, five episodes?).

555. # B. Macon 15 Nov 2009 at 7:04 am

     B. Mac: “If you’re writing a novel, I’d recommend having only one main villain.”
     
     ShardReaper: “I’m not sure I agree… Several groups of villains, like the Brotherhood in the first X-Men, the Decepticons from Transformers, or the mini-gang of baddies from Heroes have done well without things seeming too confusing.”
     
     I don’t think the problem applies to comic books or TV shows much. (Maybe because novels have to stand on their own more than comic book issues or TV episodes do). Can you think of a few first novels that have been published in the past decade with more complicated villain schemes than one main-villain-and-his-subordinates?

556. # B. Macon 15 Nov 2009 at 12:30 pm

     No sweat, SR. I agree with you about the possibility of complicated villain setups in comic books. Typically, each comic arc (generally 3-6 issues) will have a single main villain, but an ongoing series will probably generate quite a few main villains over time.

557. # Help Needed Galon 19 Nov 2009 at 3:49 pm

     Can anyone help? I am female.
     I have to “create my own Superhero” for Christmas. Yes, plan an outfit; decide on an “ability”. Dress the part. Wrap my presents to represent my Superhero.

     I would welcome any and all suggestions. This is a family contest — this one spearheaded by my nephew and I need to at least compete even if I don’t win.

     Thanks a million.

558. # B. Macon 19 Nov 2009 at 4:05 pm

     –It’d be really easy to do a supersoldier with surplus military uniforms. (You could even wrap up the presents in camouflaged wrap– that’d be sweet).
     
     –You could do something wind-based with clothes that flutter (silk scarves) and creative use of an electric fan.
     
     –Any kind of animal theme combined with a creative assortment of Australian clothes, a stuffed animal and possibly glue. “Now I’m going to stick my face right in Chompy’s mouth. Crikey!”
     
     –Something work-based, particularly if your family loves awful puns. Dress up like your boss and be SUPERVISOR. Also, laugh at your own jokes– that’s a universal trait of bad bosses everywhere.
     
     –If you are an unusually playful person and the kids are really young, you could do something water-based with liberal use of a squirt-gun.

559. # Help Needed Galon 20 Nov 2009 at 10:06 am

     WOW! — thanks — you are creative and I am now motivated. Appreciate your time and talent.

560. # RPG-92on 22 Nov 2009 at 12:37 pm

     I’m worried about something. Let’s say I make it as a writer for a superhero show on a network. Would the network own the superhero or would I? If I decide to invest into making it a comic book, would there be a problem?

561. # B. Macon 22 Nov 2009 at 10:19 pm

     I can’t speak to the legal issues here and I know pretty much nothing about the television industry. However, if you get as far as an offer from a studio, I would recommend speaking with a good entertainment lawyer before signing anything.
     
     However, one of the things I know about professional writing in general is that it is FREAKISHLY COMPETITIVE. There are far too many writers chasing far too few dollars. I’d venture a guess that the typical superhero show costs at least a few million dollars. For example, I counted over 100 staffers involved in some capacity in the end credits of Batman: The Brave and the Bold. If each staffer made an average of $25,000 for their work on the season (which I think is an absurdly low estimate), that’d be $2.5 million right there. So a new show is a very expensive business venture.
     
     I think that a studio exec would be MUCH more comfortable betting millions of dollars on a writer that’s spent years working on several successful TV shows than on a writer he’s never heard of, especially a writer that has never before worked in the field. It might be easier to start by writing for somebody else’s show before trying to launch your own. Also, I suspect that working for a studio in some capacity would help you build up the social network you need to make a credible attempt at a multimillion dollar transaction. For example, try getting an internship or a production job at a TV studio and ask the writers how they got their jobs.

562. # RPG-92on 23 Nov 2009 at 3:09 pm

     Trust me, I know how hard this is going to be. And what you said isn’t even the worst of it– Cartoon Network is moving to live action and my idea is more of a cartoon. Live action heroes only work in movies.

563. # B. Macon 23 Nov 2009 at 4:20 pm

     I don’t think they’re moving towards ALL live-action. Its new slate of shows is about half-and-half (7 animated series, 6 live-action).
     
     Three of the animated series have some superhero-like quality to them: Ben 10: Evolutions, Sym-Bionic Titan and Generator Rex. So I think there is room for superhero-like cartoon shows. But all of these series are either spinoffs of successful franchises and/or the brainchilds of tested creators. Ben 10: Evolutions is a spinoff, SBT is from Genndy Tartakovsky (better-known for Dexter’s Lab and Samurai Jack) and Generator Rex is from the creators of Ben 10.
     
     I think that it’d be easier for you to start working with a studio (maybe Cartoon Network Studios?), get some experience writing for other series, and then pitch your show. Either way, though, I think that selling a TV show falls somewhere between implausible and impossible on Schmo’s Hardness Scale.

564. # B. Macon 24 Nov 2009 at 3:26 pm

     Here are a few questions.

     –Why does it matter that they’re on an island rather than on the land proper?
     –Is this the real world or a fantasy location?
     –Why are the people hanging around on the island?
     –Why will we care about the people on the island?
     –Who’s the main character? What’s his goal? What’s he learning superpowers for?
     Etc.

565. # Stormwatcheron 25 Nov 2009 at 12:32 am

     Why does it matter that they’re on an island rather than on the land proper?

     The Island is a Boarding school for children or teenagers with superpowers and the creators didn’t want humanity to know about it. Children with powers will automatically be recognised and probably asked to enrol. They teach children to control their powers and learn responsibility.

     Is this the real world or a fantasy location?

     It’s set in the real world, 2010.
     Why are the people hanging around on the island?
     Some people are rejected by society. Others may want to understand their powers and increase its capabilities.

     Why will we care about the people on the island?

     One of the old creators has promised to bring an end to humanity, and some of the children from the school are joining him.

     Who’s the main character? What’s his goal? What’s he learning superpowers for?

     The main character is Zach. He is a carrier; this means his body was overflowing with energy capable of giving superpowers. At the beginning, he wakes up remembering that he gave of an energy wave which consumed the planet. But not everyone got powers from this. He also gained power from this; infinite matter manipulation.

     His joined the school and is easily recognized as one of the most powerful of them all. The old creator wants him but the school won’t let it happen.
     Since he has such a awesome power, he must learn responsibility.

566. # PaintedSainton 25 Nov 2009 at 8:49 am

     I’m not sure whether or not your story is still in the beginning stages of character development, or if you’re halfway into writing the series, but I’ll pose a few criticisms and questions anyways.

     It somewhat bothers me how highly reminiscient your plot is to X-men. There’s nothing wrong with drawing inspiration to the greater writers, and it is truth nowadays that to create something original is nearly impossible. That’s probably where writers go wrong, “It’s like (insert popular fandom) except more…”, or “It’s like (insert popular fandom) and (another equally popular fandom) put into one!”.

     Another criticism I’d like to point out is Zach’s instant discovery of being the most powerful in the school. He is suddenly a commodity that the old creator wants and the school refuses to give. Doesn’t Zach have an influence in this? Even if he is the good guy, what if he feels guilty because he actually believes in the creator’s ideals? Or perhaps, he feigns weakness, purposely gets the lowest marks in the class, because he acknowledges his power and sees no reason to flaunt it. Also, he has the element of surprise if he were to ever go into combat.

     A few more other questions:

     -What are Zach’s weaknesses? Or expanding on that, can you give a clearer character description of the person?
     -Who is your target audience?
     -The children learn responsibility and how to control their powers, but once they become adults, or even seniors, what will happen to them?(As in, will they be integrated back into society, become teachers, forced into some sort of nursing home, etc).
     -What is humanity’s reaction to these people with powers? Will they reject them, use them as bargaining chips for peace treaties, or will they be used as tools if civil unrest or war was to break out?
     -What is the old creator’s reasoning for ending humanity? (Please have some other reason other than the ‘humans are bastards’ argument)

567. # B. Macon 25 Nov 2009 at 3:44 pm

     I think PaintedSaint’s observations are right on here. I feel that the concept would benefit a LOT if it were fleshed out and differentiated more from X-Men.
     
     Look at the school, for example. How’s it different from Xavier’s academy? Why would readers rather read about students studying there than students at Xavier’s institute? There are many kinds of school settings– for example, Hogwarts vs. a beauty school vs. an inner-city school vs. a military academy (go Falcons!) vs. a really nerdy engineering school vs. Xavier’s academy. Obviously, Xavier’s will be closest to yours by virtue of having superpowered kids running around, but if your school and/or student body had a different personality to it than the X-Men, I think it would really help.
     
     Zach feels like he needs a bit more development. What’s his personality like? Key traits? Flaws? Notable background details? Goals? Why will we want to read about him?
     
     In particular, I’m a bit concerned that Zach “is easily recognized as one of the most powerful of them all.” It doesn’t sound like there’s much struggle there. It’s usually more interesting to read about a character who succeeds despite being badly outmatched because he has to prove himself. In contrast, this character is lucky enough to win the superpower lottery. I think that the superheroes on the market that are currently the most successful tend to have relatively limited powers (like Batman, Wolverine and Spiderman). I’d recommend making him struggle/work more.

568. # B. Macon 27 Nov 2009 at 10:47 pm

     I’ve never heard of any company in any industry that lets people just come into a corporate building and speak with employees without an appointment. I don’t think Cartoon Network would be any different. I think it’d be really wise to get an appointment.
     
     As for setting up the appointment, I have absolutely no idea. Tom might be a better person to ask… he’s pitching a show of his own and might know how to set that up. However, I feel that there are appreciable differences between you and Tom. First, I get the impression that he has resources at his disposal that you might not, like artistic support. Second, he has really, really clean writing. That’s the first and most obvious mark of a writer that can be taken seriously. Third, his goals seem more realistic– I think he’s shooting for a smaller studio rather than CN. Larger companies can usually be more selective.
     
     CN’s three new superhero-esque shows are respectively a spinoff of Ben 10, another show by the makers of Ben 10, and a show by the maker of Dexter’s Lab and Samurai Jack.
     
     I get the impression that they value TV experience very highly in the pitch. Over the past ten years, has CN ever accepted a show from someone with a background similar to yours (experience, education, etc)? If not, I’d HIGHLY recommend getting the experience and education that other people had when their show got picked up.
     
     One of the most difficult aspects of my fledgling writing career was coming to accept that I could not get my book about how to write superhero stories published until I myself had published a superhero story. I wanted to cut straight to the nonfiction book because I like nonfiction better (and it pays more), but unfortunately no one would bet tens of thousands of dollars on a guidebook from someone without the right experience. The good news is that my comic book series has come along unexpectedly well and I think I’ll have it ready for submission by mid-March. It’s not my absolute first-choice in terms of work, but it’s the best work I can get at this point in my career.
     
     Interning or working at a studio would probably teach you a lot of practical things about how the company works, like how to set up these appointments. Or maybe it’d be easier to start out writing for somebody else’s show rather than try to launch your own show right off the bat. I have no idea how old you are, but if you’re still in high school, you might think about which college programs translate the most easily into this sort of job. (I apologize if you’re well past high school– I’m notoriously bad at guessing ages).
     
     I don’t know anything about your age or credentials or industry experience, but I’m intuiting that you’d have trouble getting on the schedule at this point in your career. We’re talking about a business proposal worth millions of dollars here. They can afford to be picky.
     
     Then again, perhaps Tom could suggest something. He’s put a lot more thought into this field than I have and he’s pretty crafty.
     
     Good luck!

569. # RPG-92on 28 Nov 2009 at 8:21 am

     No problem, dude. I’m 17 so I get what you’re saying. They’re not going to take a chance on me if I don’t have credentials, that doesn’t suprise me or worry me. What does worry me is that clean writing thing. I worry that I don’t explain things well enough or too much, that I use too much time or too little time, and which names go where. It took me five years to get it to what it is. I watch Ben 10 as source of inspiration, not because I like it. When I see a plot that breaks up like when they made Ben 10 and then Ben 10 Alien Force. It make me say “Hey, mines way more put together than that.” Then there’s the fact that Ben’s a jerk, cocky, and way to powerful. When it takes Gwen and Kevin hours to defeat a guy, it takes Ben a minute and a pun. Trust me, the first place I’m going to show my idea is here (for opinions), but only after I get at least 10 ideas copyrighted (I only need 7 more). Not that I don’t trust you guys, but I’m not going waste 5 years of my dream on the chance of it getting stolen.

570. # Ragged Boyon 28 Nov 2009 at 8:33 am

     Hola, Stormwatcher. Nice to meet you.

     I have some observations of my own. In addition to being similar to X-Men, I think your setting is starkly similar to the movie Sky High. That could be another issue for originality. But that just factors into how you are going to differentiate your story from similar one’s, so I’m not concerned with that yet.

     Exactly what do Zach’s powers allow him to do? how does “infinite” factor into that?

     PaintedSaint said “But that is also the problem here, Zach is easily regarded to have such vast powers, and probably have surpassed others who had been training all their lives on that floating island.”

     I suspect that if Zach can only manifest his powers in broad, uncontrollable bursts that someone who uses a fair amount of strategy or skill could beat him or at least get around his power. This could even out your competitve balance in battle situations. Students with higher marks could use their abilities to get around his powers and beat him. Only until he gains better control can he use more effective strategy in combat and counter their strategy. That way those who have had extensive, or even sufficient training, can be a match for him.

     Also, I’d like to know about your story. Who are the other main characters? What are their relationships with Zach? How do they cope with him being so powerful?

571. # RPG-92on 28 Nov 2009 at 1:36 pm

     Not a problem. I want people to criticize my work. The only people who know my idea are my brothers, I feel that they say its good mostly because I can beat them up ( I wasn’t going to). Criticism is the only way a person can improve their work. I think the guy who runs Cartoon Network is the guy that pushed the idea of Breaking Bad (I love that show) and Mad Men (or is that the president?).

572. # Ragged Boyon 28 Nov 2009 at 2:03 pm

     Well, what can you tell us about your story?

573. # RPG-92on 28 Nov 2009 at 2:34 pm

     give me till new years then i’ll tell you guys everthing. i really want your opinion i mean you guys are doing what ive wanted to do since i was in the 6th grade. Id ask Stan lee but im a afraid i dont know his number.

574. # Skykeeperon 05 Dec 2009 at 12:45 pm

     The story revolves around Brooklyn, your average, horny teenager. But there was something else about him that no one could explain. For his whole life, Brooklyn has had temporary pains all over his body which causes him to burn up.
     
     One day, he suffered the pains again but this time it was too intense. Some form of red/orange essence left his body and covered the whole Earth. Then he seems fine.
     
     A few days later, a seemingly random group of individuals has emerged with what can only be described as “special” abilities.
     
     Brooklyn has the ability to absorb the powers of these individuals to turn them back to normal but the challenge is a lot harder than he thinks. Some want to use it for destruction or others for their own selfish needs.
     
     I need a lot of help in developing this.

575. # B. Macon 05 Dec 2009 at 7:50 pm

     Okay, what is Brooklyn’s background like? What are his distinguishing traits? Does he have any notable flaws?
     
     What’s his personality like?
     
     Where does Brooklyn live? (City vs. suburban vs. rural?)
     
     Is Brooklyn’s horniness particularly important to the story?
     
     “Some want to use it for destruction or others for their own selfish needs.” Why doesn’t Brooklyn? Also, for selfish needs, I would recommend adding to the obvious (greed leading to high profile robberies), with maybe something like someone using his powers to cheat in school or something.
     
     What about the people that want to use their powers for destruction? What are they trying to accomplish? Are we talking about something more sophisticated than attacking a bank? How does he find out about their plan? (Perhaps a criminal tries to enlist his help to deal with an opponent that also has powers). Why does Brooklyn decide to get involved?
     
     How does Brooklyn discover his powers? How does he try to use them when he’s not fighting criminals?
     
     Do superpowered individuals live all over the world or are they mostly close to Brooklyn? If he’s a teen (presumably still in school and living with his parents), how does he find superpowered guys without arousing suspicion?

576. # Skykeeperon 06 Dec 2009 at 4:11 am

     Brooklyn

     Background

     Brooklyn lives in a fairly large suburban house with his parents, three sisters and two brothers. They live in England, in a fictional city called Silverlane City. This is a very large city and perhaps, the biggest city in England as well as the most developed. Brooklyn is just a normal teenager coping with his school and sexual life (not that he actually gets any). For his whole life, Brooklyn has suffered temporarily pains and burns all over his body. As time went on, the pains increased as if there was something waiting to escape. He is 15 years old and is quite popular at his school (but not that much seeing as he gets bullied).
     Traits

     He is like your average teenager. He likes to wear girl’s panties (not all the time), watch little kids shows and sometimes, “you know”.

     Personality

     Brooklyn has a very sardonic attitude and loves to talk, (one of many reasons why he can’t get a date). He is very wise-cracking. Most of the time when there is danger, he turns to his average coward self and run no matter what. But he will try his best to restore humanity to way it was, seeing as if was kind of his fault and he feels responsible.

     Horniness

     He sometimes acts sexual towards girls but this hasn’t caused many problems for him yet.

     Powers

     Due to a large portion of the Earth’s population have super powers; they use them for their own needs. Some become heroes where others just want destruction. Brooklyn generally didn’t have powers but the built up radiation/energy he released gets absorbed by life. Not only does it give those powers but replaces their life force and soul. When the being dies, they energy simply passes on to the next being. So when Brooklyn accidently ‘Kills someone’, he is capable of taking their power. People who are in touch with the energy can manipulate it to leave their body. Even when he’s not fighting, he still uses his powers, even to the point of creating new disasters and troubles.

     School life

     Brooklyn will eventually get kicked out of school and his secret will be revealed.

577. # B. Macon 06 Dec 2009 at 6:25 am

     “He is like your average teenager. He likes to wear girl’s panties (not all the time)…” Umm, what.
     
     “…watch little kids shows and sometimes [pleasure himself]…” And this kid’s supposed to be popular? He sounds like has some major development issues.
     
     Yeah, umm, I’ve got to admit that I’m creeped out a bit. Maybe it’s an American vs. British thing. However, I’ve run across a Briton that would probably love this story. Would you mind going to Daniel’s website and asking him for advice? You can reach him here. I suspect he’d be flattered–he’s interested in offering superhero writing advice but he doesn’t get many requests for help.

578. # Lighting Manon 06 Dec 2009 at 9:30 am

     It’s like a pornographic Highlander that is worried about being sued. “He has a side-kick that is a famous Scottish actor playing a Spanish-named character and sometimes wears a dress instead of clothing…”

579. # B. Macon 06 Dec 2009 at 9:45 am

     You blaspheme Highlander at your peril!
     
     But yeah, I get your point.

580. # Skykeeperon 06 Dec 2009 at 10:14 am

     Sorry about the Rated stuff, I’ll try and hide that as much as possible.

     I’ve added a bit more to his character.

     Brooklyn is a very childish character. He complains when he does not get his way, and is often downright lazy. Despite the fact that he made a commitment to returning humanity back to normal, he often refuses to fight certain people unless he got something in return (nothing rude).

     His powers are:

     Super high speed healing

     Technopathy

     Enhanced Normal skills (strength or speed. ect)

     He will also gain new powers from the people he ‘accidentally’ kills.

581. # PaintedSainton 06 Dec 2009 at 4:00 pm

     Skykeeper:
     
     “He is like your average teenager. He likes to wear girl’s panties (not all the time), watch little kids shows and sometimes, “you know”. ”
     
     Sorry, but who is your target audience? I understand that this sort of fetishism appeals to a smaller, more underground audience. Not that it’s a problem, but I don’t know how the female audience is supposed to react to this…it’s ok to not go mainstream with this type of story, but what you have here is a pervert that seems to be into lolicon. And Western society hates mainstream lolicon, with the exception of Nabokov. I don’t think there should be too much emphasis on his pervertedness, if the story is about his powers. Maybe restrain him a bit, give implications but nothing obvious.
     
     It seems too flimsy to keep him as an ‘innocent’, when he ‘accidentally’ kills someone. Does he delude himself into thinking he is “innocent” because it’s an accident? I’d probably prefer if you expanded on this, but how can someone use their powers responsibly if they happen to accidentally kill people over and over again?
     
     And…
     
     “Brooklyn is a very childish character. He complains when he does not get his way, and is often downright lazy. Despite the fact that he made a commitment to returning humanity back to normal, he often refuses to fight certain people unless he got something in return (nothing rude).”
     
     Alright then, so these flaws may have stemmed from his home life, if he rarely had a parental influence. You’ve given us flaws, but what redeems him? I’m not asking for a saint here. Though he does remind me of my 8 year old sister (won’t do chores without bribery, it’s probably a sibling thing), and I doubt I’m interested in reading about my sister in a perverted teenager’s body.

582. # Ragged Boyon 06 Dec 2009 at 5:42 pm

     The anime/manga, Gantz handled a perverted/horny teen protaganist quite well. For one, pervertedness is far more accepted in manga and anime so it acceptable. Secondly, the story’s mood is very gritty and raw so a horny teen didn’t seem so bad. And finally, the story itself is far more interesting than the main character being perverted and his other traits and heroism make him likeable.
     
     However, I’ll have to agree with PaintedSaint. So far I haven’t heard anything about him that seems likeable, nor do I know anything about the story itself. Wanting to save humanity makes him good as a whole, but what happens when he’s with regular people? Does he do anything besides takling, acting childish, and showing off his panties? What makes this guy interesting in a good way?
     
     Also, what’s the actual story? I’m finding myself quite confused with only bits of information of the plot. I think some explanation would help me also understand his powers, as of now, I don’t really understand how they work.
     
     “He is very wise-cracking.”
     
     Sorry, that sentence just irked me. Wise-cracking is something you do, not a trait.

583. # B. Macon 06 Dec 2009 at 9:13 pm

     Some personality traits that might be associated with a wise-cracker are cynicism, irreverence and maybe rebelliousness. (Superficially, we might call the character sarcastic, but I’d like to stay away from that because it’s more of a manner of speech than a personality trait).

584. # Skykeeperon 07 Dec 2009 at 2:03 am

     When I mean likable, I mean among his friends and family. He is a coward but when his friends are in danger, he will fight for them. What he doesn’t show is that there is a noble warrior inside him, he just has difficulty getting him out. Although being sarcastic, he is often rude and sometimes has a rebellious nature and independence which often gets him into trouble.

585. # PaintedSainton 07 Dec 2009 at 10:23 am

     Stereotypically-wise, characters who are lazy and won’t act without bribery are usually forgiven if they are above and beyond competent. Characters who are weak or have difficulty with controlling with their power are usually nice guys if they happen to be the protagonist. However, from what I know, characters who are whiny, lazy, and altogether incompetent are generally hated by the

     But I have the same request as Ragged Boy, can you please give more clarification on your main character’s abilities and the reasoning behind it? I am rather confused.

586. # God of Comedyon 09 Dec 2009 at 1:37 pm

     My Inconvenient Life

     The story revolves around the everyday life of Michael Williams, who is a jobless, 18-year-old teen. Michael is usually surrounded by a collection of crazy characters that, in his point of view, act as if they dislike him. He struggles to live a normal life because he is often caught into events that are often set in motion by events, ranging from the fairly typical to the supernatural and extraordinary, which frequently happens upon him.

     Michael is often delusional and most of the time, is controlled by his own imagination. He tends to make jokes every time he feels uncomfortable; this acts as a defense mechanism. He is often confused by the contradictory and hypocritical behavior of many people; they mysteriously turn like this when Michael is caught in another adventure. Michael does have powers; he can create things from nothing, warp reality, and shape shifting.

587. # B. Macon 09 Dec 2009 at 3:58 pm

     “The story revolves around the everyday life of Michael Williams, who is a jobless, 18-year-old teen.” That sounds like an autobiography I wrote once.
     
     Anyway, I think this sounded promising until the last sentence or so. First, I think that the powers are pretty out-there. I’d recommend going for powers that are a bit more down to Earth– it might keep him and the story more relatable. Second, umm, what’s the plot? If I had to guess, it sounds like “A string of random things happens to a character.” That’s probably not much of a story. A central goal and antagonist may help give focus. Third, why is Michael the protagonist? Is there any reason HE gets embroiled in all these random adventures rather than somebody else? Luck/contrivance is usually an unsatisfying explanation for events in a story…
     
     Finally, what’s the event that kicks the story into motion?

588. # PaintedSainton 09 Dec 2009 at 10:22 pm

     God of Comedy:

     So, this is one of those “Only Sane Man” stories? Ok, so he can warp reality and shapeshift, but what about these ‘crazy characters’ around him? If he’s so ordinary, why are these crazy characters attracted to him or want to wreak havoc on his life? Usually I think that pleasantly normal characters that are repeatedly put into crazy situations work well as a gag, but gets stale quickly, because by the end of the story segment, the normal characters wants to undo all of the damage and makes things go back to normal.

     I will be shameful and use Timmy from Fairly Odd Parents as an example. Though the plot is meant to be episodic, Timmy repeatedly wishing “I want everything to go back to normal!” is annoying at the end of every episode. He abuses the reset button over and over and doesn’t gain anything from the original wish. Everything’s back to normal, what was the whole point of the conflict?

589. # RPG-92on 10 Dec 2009 at 3:53 pm

     Okay, everything is copyrighted, so here it goes.
     
     The story is about how God and the Devil are having problems with revels [editor: ?] from both heaven and hell. So they choose a newborn child and give him the abilities of an angel and a demon. God decides that he would only get the powers when he fully notices what is good/bad and what are the consequences. The powers can only be used depending on how strong certain emotions are and which emotion it is. If it is a negtive emotion he turns into a demon, if it’s a good emotion he turns into an angel. The emotions also decide how strong the powers are. God and the Devil also sent twins (one angel and one demon) to train him in how to use his powers. Even though this is a heaven and hell problem, the hero also fights ghosts, witches and monsters from hell. No one ever remembers who the hero’s true identity is because God wipes the memories to some extent.
     
     Drake is the hero of the story. He lives his life as a private detective. He started to use his powers the day that his older brother died of a gang shooting when he was 19. He can only turn to an angel or a demon 99%– the other % is when he decides to turn back human. There are few abilities he has as a human which are the ability to see demons, angels and ghosts.
     
     POWERS-
     As an angel, he has speed, knowledge of languages, weapon skills, flight, healing, and lie-detection. His weak spots are the wings.
     As a demon, his has strength, resistance, lie-detection, fire punches and the ability to cause sickness. His weakness is holy items, of course.
     
     Trix is the angel twin. She has the same abilities as Drake in his angel form. She helps him train in the angel form. She can be seen by humans but as a human. She can transform in and out of her angel form.
     
     Triana, the demon twin, has the same abilities as Drake in the demon form. She helps him train in the demon form. Like Trix, she can only be seen in a human form and can transform easily.
     
     Limbo, the main villain, was sent to be imprisoned in limbo because he has secrets tattooed on his arms that could end heaven and hell. He is an angel but increased his powers. He was close to saying the last word in order to make himself stronger than God but God closed his mouth and chained him up. Even though he is in limbo, he tells people to do his bidding.

590. # B. Macon 10 Dec 2009 at 4:43 pm

     I have some questions…
     
     –What’s the personality of the protagonist like? What are his key traits?
     
     –Why will readers care about this protagonist? He doesn’t yet sound very interesting.
     
     –What is a “negative” vs. a “positive” emotion? Is happiness positive? If so, what about being happy that someone fell flat about his face? Is anger negative? What about being angry when someone mistreats a child or pet? Breaking emotions down into “negative” or “positive” seems pretty one-dimensional to me. It might be more complex to try breaking his behaviors into “heavenly” or “hellish,” with each side getting a few traits (both positive and negative). For example, heaven might be selfless and orderly but overbearing, and hell might be arrogant and ruthless but fun-loving and clever.
     
     –What does this character do when he’s not investigating paranormal events? Does he have a regular life on the side? (That might help flesh out his personality more and raise the stakes). Does he hang around with anybody that isn’t a supernatural being?
     
     –What are the Triana-Drake, Trix-Drake and Triana-Trix relationships like? Will they be interesting enough to engage the audience?
     
     –What are Triana and Trix like? (Hopefully not just stereotypes).
     
     –Does it really take him until 19 to learn consequences?
     
     –I like the villain.
     
     –I think it would help to work on the spelling a bit. (An editor has since fixed most of it).
     
     If I had to give a number, I’d probably go with less than 5.

591. # RPG-92on 10 Dec 2009 at 6:00 pm

     Alright, let’s see.

     1) His personality is kind of being a tough guy. He doesn’t like gangs (obviously). He also finds God to be a nag and feels that God owes him. Even though he knows God, he refuses to go to church. He isn’t afraid of death. He finds his powers and duties to be a nag. He is a drinker, a womanizer and a gambler.
     
     2) No idea. Hopefully the other ones answer this one.
     
     3) Well, if he’s happy at the pain of others that’s a big no-no.
     
     Positive emotions would be feeling hopeful, loving somebody, feeling sad at a loss of life, being at peace with himself, and selflessness.
     
     Negative emotions would be being angry at someone, lust, a desire for revenge, jealousy, or being annoyed.
     
     Well, when he’s not out in haunted houses he’s at a bar, at a strip club or at a poker table. He has a friend which is pretty much the wingman. His name is Steven. Steven works as a cop and occasionally asks Drake for help on a murder. He is unaware of Drake’s full powers but knows that he can see ghosts.
     
     5)Triana-Drake: when she’s training him he treats him worse than a dog. When they are not she only wants him to sin or she tries to seduce him. Gigity.
     
     Trix-Drake: when she trains him they get serious. She’s the responsible do-good girl (obviously) and the voice of reason.
     
     Trix-Triana: They always get into fights. Triana is mad at Trix because she’s in heaven. Trix isn’t helping because she has that “I told you so attitude”. Even though they hate each other they know they have to help him get stronger or else it’s goodbye universe.
     
     5) They look like each other facially and are the same height. Trix is a blonde 20 year old looking girl (even though she’s as old as the earth). Triana is a Goth looking girl with black hair and tattoos on her arms and even has a tramp stamp (and is proud of it).
     
     6) It takes him that long because he’s a teenager. Teenagers are basically horny and don’t listen to no one. They think that they know everything. When faced with a death which was caused by gangs and their urge for drugs, money and power it’s pretty clear what the consequences of life are. I mean kids always say (no matter how many times they are told or see the consequences on tv) that it will never happen to them.
     
     7) Thank you.
     
     Done.

592. # PaintedSainton 10 Dec 2009 at 6:04 pm

     RPG-92:

     Specifically, is this a Judeo-Christian type of God/Devil relationship explored here? I understand it’s the most predominant Western religion, but note that there are a million branches. And if you’re going to introduce religion into the story with a prominent role, research research research. That is why everyone laughs at Dan Brown.
     
     I also thought Limbo was an interesting character as well…by assumption, is he imprisoned in purgatory?
     
     I don’t particularly like the negative/positive emotions aspect, it portrays that certain emotions are considered ‘evil’ to express. There is such thing as righteous anger, I don’t recall anywhere in the Bible mentioning that specific emotions are sinful to express. And emotions or thoughts are something that cannot be controlled.
     
     Also, is there going to some sort of love triangle set up between Trix and Triana with Drake? Looks like it’s set up that way, maybe.
     
     Admittedly, I’m somewhat turned off by the religious aspect, because Christianity is one of those acceptable targets that can easily turn a so-so story into a pretentious social commentary, with a bit of Nietzsche-wannabe flavour into the mix (Phillip Pullman and once again, Dan Brown.). I’d give the story a 4.

593. # RPG-92on 10 Dec 2009 at 7:09 pm

     Thanks dudes.
     
     1) Okay, let’s see, I guess he would be Catholic considering there will be people with stigmata.
     
     2) It is somewhat like purgatory but he is chained up and can’t repent sins. He is there because God doesn’t want the Devil to have the secret to end Heaven or an angel to have the secret to end Hell. He was actually supposed to be a spy for the Devil but he learned more than what the Devil wanted to. So now he wants to remake the world in his own way. But along with chaining up Limbo, God shut his mouth with a seal and the tattoos on his arms with gauntlets.
     
     3) I guess I could tweak (or change it). I could make him have an amulet or something. Make revenge the ultimate unlocker to the demon while faith or hope the one to the angel.
     
     4) Nope, Triana’s just a whore.
     
     Most people don’t like religious comics or movies, but I really like Hellboy and Constantine. Hopefully with some adjustments, it will be better.

594. # RPG-92on 11 Dec 2009 at 6:15 am

     To tell you the truth, this isn’t exactly the hero I have been working on. It only took me a month to think of him and a week to write a script for it. I’m actually working on another hero with more secrets, power, consequences and attitude. I’m not an idiot–religious heros don’t exactly make as much money (Constantine) as the regular superheros (Spiderman). I do my research.
     
     I also want to make my own comic book company and Drake isn’t exactly a main hero (like Hellboy or Constantine). Why? Well, let’s see… no one will remember him because God wipes out the memories of almost anything that he does as a hero.
     
     I’m happy that you guys gave me a 4. To me it means that I’m not stupid when it comes making superheroes. I will be doing some changes to Drake. I think he’d still make an interesting hero.

595. # B. Macon 11 Dec 2009 at 6:39 am

     Please read “Why First-Time Authors Shouldn’t Even Think About Self-Publishing.”

596. # B. Macon 11 Dec 2009 at 5:56 pm

     Well, if you’re at a stage in your life where a few thousand dollars here or there won’t make a big difference, then there is not much harm in going for it. However, if a few thousand is more than you make in a month, I would REALLY recommend against trying this now.
     
     Bob Heske, someone that runs an independent comic book publisher, estimates that it would cost at least $3000 to do a single comic book issue and $15,000 to do a series. Do you have that much money lying around?
     
     So, let’s go through some of the budgeting and logistical items.
     
     Art. If you know a professional-grade artist that’s willing to work for free, great. (Introduce me!) If not, I would suspect that a freelance artist that’s even remotely good enough to get published will charge at least $50 per page. That probably works out to around US minimum wage– the artists that are willing to work for less than that are probably not yet very good. Let’s say you pay $50. Even if you did a preposterously short 20-page comic, that’s $1000. I pay a bit more than $100 a page, so my 32 page comic would cost around $3500.
     
     Distribution. What’s your plan for getting your book to consumers? Comic book stores HATE stocking self-published books, so that option is pretty much off the table. Digital/online sales are not much more viable. For example, Jim Munroe (a gifted self-publisher that works REALLY hard at selling books online) sells between 5-10% of his books online. Making the sale is all about the physical presence, either your book actually in a store or you physically offering it at conventions/promotional events. Renting booths and buying convention passes takes money. If you stay at hotels or rent a car or (heaven forbid) buy a plane ticket, more money.
     
     Marketing/promotions. Do you plan to advertise the book in any way besides your physical presence? For example, do you plan to make a website? If so, are you actually able to make a professional-grade website yourself? If not, do you know anyone that would do it for free? If not, more money.
     
     Are you doing print-on-demand? One of the issues with POD is that the per-unit costs tend to be pretty high. You might need to sell the book at $6 or $7 (Marvel and DC books are usually around $3-4). Alternately, you could do a print run of a few hundred (or even a few thousand) copies on your own and then sell them in person. That will reduce the costs of printing. BUT to do a large print run, you need money upfront (probably $1-2 a copy) and you are totally screwed if the books don’t sell.

597. # B. Macon 12 Dec 2009 at 9:29 am

     RPG-92, what are your sales expectations like? When you make your budget, how many sales will you need to sell break even? In your research, have you come across any self-published comics that have sold that well?

598. # RPG-92on 12 Dec 2009 at 7:06 pm

     Money, experience, idea forming, connections, and editing are all hard. I’m not saying the comic book idea is going to happen now (until I get some money and connections). But for now my true goal is Cartoon Network. And don’t worry about my spelling–the reason it’s bad is that I write fast. When I write for real not only does my computer fix my misspelled words but when I’m done writing I reread it.

599. # bretton 12 Dec 2009 at 9:30 pm

     B. Mac, I’m a little confused. Are you referring to a fight scene with one telekinetic or more than one?

600. # B. Macon 13 Dec 2009 at 9:35 am

     Any amount of telekinetics. On the plus side, I don’t think that doing a fight scene with 2+ telekinetics in a novel would be noticeably harder than doing just 1. (In a comic book, it could be if the readers couldn’t tell who was controlling which object).

601. # bretton 14 Dec 2009 at 10:45 pm

     Thanks for your patience, B. Mac. I hate to keep harping on this, but I really wanted to use telekinesis mainly because so many well-known villains have it, so I wanted to create a hero with it. (I know Jean Gray in X-Men has it, but X-Men doesn’t really center on just her). My story focuses on my hero and a rival who does not have telekinesis.
     
     In a particular scene my hero and another character with superspeed team up. To defeat a villain, he runs around the hero in a circle and my hero uses his power to force him at super-sonic speed hurling at the villain as oposed to using the power directly on the villain. This may be used as a distraction or to physically throw the villain off to give the hero the time he needs to strike. This is a rough version and may not even be used but these are the types of things I’d like to do with it.
     
     Also, I have a pretty good idea of what a beta reviewer is, but could you please clarify? Thanks.

602. # bretton 14 Dec 2009 at 10:52 pm

     Oh, sorry, I forgot one other thing. Originally I wanted the hero to have superstrength and flight as well as the ability when other other superpowered beings are around. [EDITOR: ?] He would faint or lose energy when this would happen. The reason I didn’t want to do this is because I feel it’s been done too much. With the telekinesis, he doesn’t have use of one hand so he has to do it with one. Eventually, he’ll have use of both hands, but one will always be better than the other.

603. # B. Macon 15 Dec 2009 at 5:56 am

     Hmm… if you’re confident you can do telekinetic fight scenes well in a novel, I’d say go for it. (You are doing a novel, right?) I’d anticipate the choreography (laying out what is happening) may get a bit tricky, though.
     
     Also, a beta reviewer is someone that reviews a work in progress (before you send it off to publishers).

604. # RPG-92on 17 Dec 2009 at 8:37 pm

     alright, some tweaking has been done to it. here are some changes and some new info=

     1- I’ve removed the twins as trainers because it sounded to much like an anime.

     2- He has an ex wife and a kid.

     a- Drake and Ann were married young and had a son. They got divorced because Drake could never tell her the truth because God wouldnt allow it. She’s a school teacher.

     b- His son Matt who is 11 years old starts to have the ability to see things like ghost, angels and demons. He keeps it a secret from everyone because he thinks he’s nuts. This makes their father-son relationship a little diffucult.

     3- He is able to turn into an angel or demon with an incantation.

605. # Luna Jamniaon 26 Dec 2009 at 9:26 pm

     What about a fifteen year old kid who has sort of what the alien boy from ‘Race To Witch Mountain’ has?
     I got the idea while we were driving home from a party. (this topic isn’t about plots so I’ll leave it at that).
     Thing is, I need help with the particulars. I was thinking his ability is like his skin turns into Superman’s, kind of, or like metal or something. … this isn’t helping I know. Let me try again.
     When he’s about to impact something (like go through a windshield and hit the pavement) his skin becomes like rock, so that he doesn’t get a gazillion cuts or break his neck. But then wouldn’t his bones have to be hard too?
     -Would whatever he hit just react normally and he’d get a little jarred but otherwise be fine; or would the ground give?
     -What if he punched something, would it simply not hurt him, how would it affect whatever he punched?
     -What if he jumped off a building?
     -Would he be heavier?
     -Should there be any visible difference when his skin turns all metal-ish or rock or whatever, or should it just look normal and nobody can tell the difference except for the fact he’s not injured? Aaand …
     -is this a sort of gary stu power, what weaknesses could he have? (that is, if I’m turning this into a superhero story, I think I am but I’m not sure, I haven’t written anything superhero-ish in a long time. But maybe he should have weaknesses anyway, right?)

606. # B. Macon 26 Dec 2009 at 11:32 pm

     It’s that time of the month again… the List of Superpowers is going screwy because it has more than 1000 comments. I’m going to erase a few hundred.

607. # B. Macon 27 Dec 2009 at 12:47 pm

     I’ve never seen Race to Witch Mountain.

     …

     I think that most of the questions you’ve asked are purely at your discretion. For example, if you wanted to, you could have his legs get tougher when he jumps off the building (allowing him to jump farther and faster). If he has REALLY powerful legs, he might cause some damage to the part of the roof he jumps from and the pavement where he lands (each reaction has an equal and opposite reaction). If his skin looks metallic when he gets hit, it’ll be much harder to keep it a secret. Maybe even implausible that he’d have kept it a secret, if it is.
     
     As long as you can come up with practical ways for his antagonists to defeat him, I think that he’s limited enough that we’d wonder if he could pull it off. It sounds like he’s more or less bulletproof, but I imagine that a 15 year old could be overpowered if he’s not careful. Especially if he’s up against enhanced antagonists.

     …

     Scientifically speaking, the bones (and probably most of the body) would have to harden to survive being thrown from a car. (Watch a crash dummy test sometime and bear in mind that the character might be in combat when the crash happens rather than safely buckled in). But that’s a scientific detail that most readers probably wouldn’t care about. If you want to say that the skin only gets hard at the point of impact, I think that would work.

608. # Ragged Boyon 28 Dec 2009 at 12:41 pm

     Hey, Luna!

     Just my two cents. Yes, the bones would have to harden if he hoped to survive. The situation is scientifically similar to blocking an attack with a shield. If the impact is strong enough (or your arm is weak enough) you can still break your arm even if you’ve successfully blocked. I think his skin visually turning to metal would be a good limitation… and it would look cool.

     If you didn’t want his weight to change much when his skin turns you could qualify it by saying that it’s a organic metal or say it’s similar to carbon fiber (light but tough). Conversely, his weight changing could also be a good limitation. He would have to use his powers differently in situations such as being in water, being on a weak floor, or being in sand. Could be fun to write scenes with.

     Sorry, gotta go. Bye!

609. # Luna Jamniaon 28 Dec 2009 at 6:33 pm

     Hey RB! yeah, I had a Vaio. It was really old but it worked for around eight years, so I think Vaios are good. (Don’t quote me, though).
     
     Thanks for the suggestion…
     
     I meant ‘like metal’ not actually metal but you’re right that’d look really cool. Anyhow… alright, so his bones will have to turn metallic as well.
     
     Oh, B.Mac. I didn’t know where to put this, so… Nice new banner-thing. Though it is taking some getting used to. I’m so used to seeing the flag.

610. # B. Macon 28 Dec 2009 at 6:45 pm

     Thanks. I finally got to a computer with Photoshop, so I redid the banner in a way that looked a bit more writerly.

611. # kid_omnion 08 Jan 2010 at 2:32 pm

     In my novel Badazzes, The Badazzes are a group of five people. The team leader, Kid Badazz has super-strength, supersonic flight, durability, limited telepathy, energy manipulation and projection. Indigo relies on his two guns and katana, but he is blessed with superhuman reflexes and senses. Magna possesses magnetic powers, Sapphire can control life-force, and Onyx can turn into a black hardening substance. I need feedback.

612. # Ragged Boyon 08 Jan 2010 at 3:50 pm

     Hello kid_omni.

     Here’s what I think:

     I’m a little wary about the name Badazzes for your team. It could come off as pretentious to a publisher. Alternatively, they may find the spelling cheesy. If you decide to go with the name, be sure to back it up in-story. But I’d recommend you have a back-up title planned just in case

     I think that Kid Badazz is a bit overpowered to be part of a team. The rule of thumb is that when making a team of superpower it’s best to limit the amount of superpowers per member to 1 or 2. I think if you’re creative enough you could make his energy manipulation the source of his durability, super-strength, and flight. The rest of the characters seem well set.

     Also, before I edited your comment it had numerous glaring mechanical issues. I’d recommend proofreading your writing and focusing on improvement. Remember that when you’re trying to get published publishers are cut-throat about clean writing. more than a few errors can get you instantly rejected.

     On another note, I’m more interested in hearing about their personalities and how they work in a group.

613. # Echoon 09 Jan 2010 at 7:38 am

     Hey,

     I’m starting to write a novel about someone (Adrieene) who hunts down people with superpowers – not entirely by choice. Than, due to some complicated situation that I haven’t entirely figured out yet, she is injected with a needle and given powers herelf, creating a small conflict of interests.

     Anyways, my question is this: Is darkness a good power to give her? I thought that it could have potential, but I don’t want to choose it just because it sounds cool.

     Any Ideas?

     –Echo–

614. # Ragged Boyon 09 Jan 2010 at 9:05 am

     I think the power of “Darkness” is a little too broad. I’d recommend coming up with a definitive list of abilities associated with her powers. When I think darkness the powers that come to mind are:

     - controlling shadows (including pulling them out of the ground to form objects and constructs.)

     - the ability to become a shadow or hide in existing shadows.

     - the ability to make a dark fog that can blocks out light.

     - the ability to make someone’s shadow into a sort of voodoo doll (whatever is done to the shadow is done to the person.)

     - converting shadows into energy for projectile attacks.

     I’m sure there’s more just use your creativity. As for fitting into your story, I suspect darkness powers could work well. I need to know more about the setting, though.

615. # Echoon 09 Jan 2010 at 10:24 am

     Ragged Boy,

     Thanks for the advice! Your right, I should have been more descriptive. What I was thinking was that she could hide in shadows, as well as be stronger in the dark – kind of “super senses,” I guess. I really like your voodoo doll idea – although completely controlling someone would be pretty hard to beat. Unless, of course, she couldn’t do it at night… and I guess she’d probably make a lot of enemys that way. And I could probably avoid the whole “emo” thing easier, which was what I was worried about the most.

     As for my setting… at this point, I pretty much have no idea. I was thinking of doing it in New York, but that seems a little difficult, seeing as I’ve never been there, and it seems to have it’s own culture/ lifestyle that I don’t think I could really pull off. For now, I’m leaning towards creating my own city.

     The atmosphere would probably have an underground feel. The general public doesn’t know about people with powers, and both sides are trying to keep it that way. I thought that that could maybe make some other obstacles – good idea?

616. # Ragged Boyon 09 Jan 2010 at 12:10 pm

     I think your atmosphere could work well with your character’s abilities. I like it. I’d recommend staying away from NYC as your setting it’s been done, and done, and done. I think a fictionalized city could work well. I know I’m using one, although, mine is heavily based after a real city (Los Angeles). As long as you can make it interesting I say go for it.

617. # Wingson 09 Jan 2010 at 12:43 pm

     Although one of my novels is set in the “real” world and some of the heroes reside in NYC, the main reason I did this was so that I could lampshade the crap out of it. In my other novel, I am also working with a fictional city, as the “universe” there is more akin to a Marvel-or-DC superhero world than the real one.

     To be fair, it depends on your story…If you’re sticking with the “real” world research is a lot more important. Fantasy and advanced science fiction elements might not mesh as well in a real-world setting. If it seems plausible enough (Milder science fiction elements and natural mutation based powers falling under “plausible”) it could probably be pulled off in a “real” world. More fantastic/magical elements seem like they would fit better in a fictional universe.

     In short, it could go either way.

     …I’m no help at all, am I?

     - Wings

618. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 3:37 pm

     Well, I want to create a dude who has powers to control ink and colors, but I don’t know where to start. Any help people?

619. # Ragged Boyon 09 Jan 2010 at 4:12 pm

     Hello Jaronblaze, or should I say Kid_Omni, (Your disregard for mechanics and use of ALL CAPS were a dead giveaway)

     You don’t have to use fake names. We don’t mind if you have more than one ideas. Um, your comment really doesn’t give me anything to help you with. If you want to create the character then do it. You need to be more specific with what you want help with. Personality? Appearance?

     Again I’d like to raise the point of working on your writing ability. It’s really jarring to read your comments sometimes and if you plan to get published they need to be at a much higher level.

620. # Wingson 09 Jan 2010 at 4:13 pm

     An art manipulator of sorts…Depends on how his powers work. Can he literally control colors, bring drawings to life, or does he just have something like telekinesis only over ink?

     - Wings

621. # Echoon 09 Jan 2010 at 4:22 pm

     Wings,

     I completely understand what you’re saying ( except, I have to admit, I have no Idea what lampshade means) I don’t think that I’m going to create an entirely new universe, because that seems like a huge amount of work. Besides, it doesn’t really fit the genre I’m going for – kind of a contemporary supernatural, if that makes sense. I’m probably going to end up making my own city,though, because no other city really fits the atmosphere I’m going for, or at least none that I know.

     What do you think of the name Skypoint? It’s for a fairly busy city, has a pretty busy nightlife, but looks “average” during the day. Lots of apartment buildings and condos, etc.

     jaronblaze,

     I ‘m pretty much completely new to this site, so I’m not sure if my advice is the best, but I’m going to give it a go anyways. In my opinion, it’s pretty much up to you where you want to start. You could start with the character, if you wanted to – figure out what they’re like, what the villains like and develop a plot from there. Basically, figure out the motivations of the two, and see what happens when they collide, for lack of a better word.

     A lot of people also start out making a plot, and then developing a character from it. For example, you might want your character to be famous artist who discovers his powers, and gives up his job to save the world, a very basic plot line. In that case, you would give the character traits you think would fit your storyline, like honest but impatient, or absent minded but easily frustrated.

     Hope I could help!

622. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 6:44 pm

     Bringing drawings to life, Manipulation of colors, telekinesis over ink doesn’t sound bad either. Another reason why i thought of this idea is because i am a tattoo artist myself. I also paint, do grafetti and i bring a drawing pad with me everywhere i go. I observed that this power can be creative & destructive. I also developed a weakness for my character. Since his abilty is more on the creative side that means that it would come from the mind, so a possible weakness would be that my character cannot be tired or crank he has to be 100% focused and if he’s not focused to that point it will not work. My character’s name is Jason now. Jason’s ability has a limit & if he goes over that limit, Jason will suffer from a temporary mental overload and he will not be able to use this power for a certain amount of time. Remember: the main source of his power comes from the mind. So any psychic attacks are a weakness also.

623. # Ragged Boyon 09 Jan 2010 at 7:14 pm

     A tattoo artist you say? Sounds cool. I suspect you could consider the ability to make his tattoos come to life. They are ink after all. I suspeect he would need some sick tattoos, though. I think his powers could have the potential to be really cool. But they also run the risk of being overpowered. If he can make almost anything he wants it would be pretty easy for him to get out of most situations.

624. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:06 pm

     I have a question. How can a ability like a transmutation be a offensive ability?

625. # Ragged Boyon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:17 pm

     The same way it can be a defensive ability. You turn objects into weapons that you can use in combat.

626. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:19 pm

     Well Ragged Boy like i said, Jason powers are limited & his weaknesses include Psychic attacks. And remember he has 2 be focused in order to use this power

627. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:24 pm

     So u mean i would turn a pencil into a sword? that’s a transmutation? ok now i am lost

628. # Ragged Boyon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:37 pm

     Okay, what’s your definition of transmutation?

629. # Ragged Boyon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:44 pm

     So will all of his villains be psychic? That sounds highly impractical. Focus is more exploitable, but I still feel like it’s not enough. If the character easily looses focus he will loose, and if villains exploit his lack of focus too much it could come off as cheesy.

     I’d recommend a more definitive limit, like he can only create five things at a time or the longer he maintains something the more strain he feels or he can only create things in proportion to how much ink or color he uses or something. Just something more definite. As of now he have a “do anything” window and loose restrictions.

630. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:49 pm

     My character Jason will have the ability of Aura Vision. With aura vision he will be to see what kind of person you are or how you are feeling depending on the color of the aura that is around them. FEEDBACK PEOPLE.

     For Example: if you have a red aura around you, then that will mean that you are either: hateful, violent, in pain, you are in guilt, etc.
     Blue Aura: calm,sad
     Green Aura: envy, health, sickness, hope

631. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 8:54 pm

     Transmutation- The ability to alter chemical element, changing them from one substance to another, rearranging the atomic stucture

632. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 9:05 pm

     I’m not saying that all of his villains have to be psychic. Not all of Superman’s enemies have kryptonite. I mean he is not immune to psychic attacks, because the main source of his powers come from the mind. So if he wakes up with a migraine, it won’t work. When i say limit i mean. The bigger the creation, The more energy he would lose. Is that clear to you? i don’t mean it in a disrespect way because i understand that you are trying 2 help Ragged Boy.

633. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 9:12 pm

     If you take Jason’s ink, grafetti, notepad, or whatever artistic tools he will have is taken from him. The only thing he would have to depend on is the tattoos on his body.

634. # jaronblazeon 09 Jan 2010 at 9:20 pm

     I have a tattoo of a lion on my arm. So that is 1 thing he can create. Remember Jason can’t fly or run incredibly fast, so i was thinkin maybe Jason can draw a black circle on the ground or wall and he can transform it to a black hole. That will be his form of transportation. Like teleporting almost

635. # Ragged Boyon 10 Jan 2010 at 7:37 am

     Jaronblaze, I’m going to respond to all of your comments in the order that they’re in:

     1)I’m not really reeling the aura vision. For one, he already have a pretty strong and unique primary power, I think adding more powers would overload him. If you’re dead set on using aura vision I’d recommend making each color mean one thing only. If one color means more than one thing it could confuse readers. I’m already confused on how the same color means both sickness and health.

     2)Your definition of transmutation is correct. I’m not sure what there is to be confused about. In layman’s terms its the ability to turn one object of one proportion to another object of equal propportion. So you would not be able to make a small pencil into a large sword, but you could make a large sword into a large pencil and vice versa.

     3)I fully understand what you mean with your limitations, but you’re not understanding what I mean. But it’s fine, I suspect this won’t be a problem for now.

     4) When you say if you take Jason’s graffitti do you mean he carries it around? Or that it just happens to be around whenever he needs it?He seems to carry a lot of equipment, I’m interested in seeing what his costume will looks like. I’m curious, how does he use artistic tools in combat?

     5) Quick question? Is this character based after you? If so that could bring up some very important Mary Sue issues. And with what you’ve told me it seems he’s well on his way to becoming one. I’m not feeling the black hole thing. It’s an effective mode of transportation, but it’s also a get-out-of-trouble free card. If he uses it to get out of problems it will come off as lame, but if he doesn’t it will come off as poor writing. I think you could get away with him creating a vehicle to use. My character, Showtime, uses his control of water as a form of transportation.

636. # jaronblazeon 10 Jan 2010 at 6:42 pm

     i don’t mean that he fights with grafetti cans, because remember he can bring drawings to life. So he will take out his grafetti can & draw something real quick depending on the situation. Who is mary sue?

637. # jaronblazeon 10 Jan 2010 at 7:28 pm

     Ragged Boy you have like the best comments and i only want feedback from you just kidding. I need help with a name & possible origin because i don’t want Jason to be born with the power, it sounds to plain.

638. # jaronblazeon 10 Jan 2010 at 8:07 pm

     Jason’s tools will include a:

     -2 grafetti cans
     - sketchbook
     - permanent markers
     - pens
     - cans of ink
     and more i just can’t think at the moment.
     all these items will be in the backpack he will carry.
     and the tattoos on his body serve as weapons too.

639. # jaronblazeon 10 Jan 2010 at 8:11 pm

     how does showtime use water as transportation. Is he a hydrokinetic?

     And i was also thinking that Jason’s form of transportation can be something that he creates from a drawing.

640. # PaintedSainton 10 Jan 2010 at 9:00 pm

     jaronblaze:

     If you want, you can start with researching fictional characters that share similar abilities. I can think of Sai from Naruto from off the top of my head, he infuses chakra into his drawings to bring them to life, and uses them both on the offensive/defensive. From ancient mythology, a child that imprisoned an emperor and his army on an island he had conjured using his drawing abilites, in order to stop a war. Or another story about a monk that was able to predict the future of distant or short-coming events with the aid of his constantly moving tattoos.

     This type of ability is not necessarily overused, but setting limitations for your character would be difficult.

641. # jaronblazeon 10 Jan 2010 at 9:04 pm

     how can this be offensive & defensive painted saint

642. # jaronblazeon 10 Jan 2010 at 9:08 pm

     give me an example of what sai actually does with drawings

643. # Seraph-Fireon 11 Jan 2010 at 6:56 am

     Hey guys…I’ve recently started working out a superhero story that involves a society in which superheroes start being cut down in a series of strange murders. Anyone that starts to become a successful vigilante is almost guaranteed to be killed soon after. As such, ten years later, a small group of people aim to find unsuccessful superheroes (who would not be targeted), and make them fully-fledged heroes, to inspire hope in a dull, lifeless world that has become too scared to stand up for others…

     The point of their powers is that they are not completely cut out for being full-on superheroes, but have high potential. The main group’s powers are:

     1: A sporty girl who can channel her chi (or bodily energy) into different parts of her body, like her fists (to deal shattering punches) or feet (to make large jumps and boost her speed). However, in the brief moment her chi is being chanelled somewhere, the rest of her body is VERY fragile. This, combined with her reckless nature, makes her vulnerable for serious injury.

     2: A boy who can shapeshift into his inner animal…in this case, a ferret. Good for evasion, agility and stealth, but not very offensive, and can make him vulnerable.

     3: A young man who can make air molecules vibrate so intensely, he can create shockwaves that explode from his body…however, he can only use his powers when in a state of rage. His anger, plus the severe headaches that come with his ability, make his powers almost impossible to direct or control…making him just as dangerous to allies as he is to enemies.

     4: A girl who’s parents had come into contact with alien spores during her conception. She is born covered in microscopic barbs that inject a paralyzing venom into anyone who touches her, much like a jellyfish. Her hair is particularly potent, but cannot be cut since it contains thousands of nerve endings (yes…she can feel pain through her hair). Although her venomous touch is good for disabling enemies, she cannot come into contact with allies, victims or civilians, and her poison can be lethal if accidentally applied to certain parts of the body.

     5: A young man who’s skin is made up of a hard, organic, clay-like substance, which can endure most blunt and sharp attacks, even bullets. It also gives him a certain degree of physical strength. However, like clay, he cannot get it too wet (or he goes soft, and therefore vulnerable) or too dry (or his skin solidifies and cracks apart).

     If I could get some feedback (and possible hero name ideas, if any come to mind) it would be very much appreciated.

     (Characters are still in development, but still owned by myself. Do not steal!!)

644. # Lighting Manon 11 Jan 2010 at 11:31 am

     I like the assortment of characters, personally, nice bit of variation on popular standard characters, and natural limitations are a plus. The plot sounds like a nice mixture of Mystery Men and Watchmen.

     Two concerns I would voice is the mixture of science fiction (Jelly Girl) and mystical (girl with the Chi power, and possibly the ferret one as well) tend to only exist beyond a compiled force from a widespread existing universe (Marvel’s Avengers and DC’s Justice League, for instance, typically, each character has existed for years or even decades before joining the team) and comedies / parodies (Mystery Men, Soon I Will Be Invincible) which, if your work is not, might send the wrong message.

     Another concern is, the girl afflicted by the spore’s predicament is extremely close to that of Rogue’s of the X-Men franchise, in case, you’re not aware, she has uncontrollable potentially fatal power-absorbing abilities that prevent her from engaging in any physical contact. it is entirely possible that the planned handling of the character is far different from that, but it is a competing angle that should be considered.

     As far as name suggestions, the only real suggestion I have would be considering incorporating the word Golem into the name of your clay person (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golem) as it is a creature from Jewish folk lore, generally held to be animated clay.

645. # Seraph-Fireon 11 Jan 2010 at 2:08 pm

     Good advice all around, thanks very much! The Golem aspect is something I hadn’t thought of, but it fits perfectly with the character. I hope you don’t mind if I use that.

     As for the mystical/sci-fi mix, I was really going for an all-round superhero-themed story…many stories do fix around a core concept that results in superhuma characters (genetic experimentation, mutation, magical effects etc), but I wanted to create a world in which the superhero origins would vary greatly…indicating that heroes are still being born, by various means, just a lot fewer of them have turned to vigilanteism. But I see your point. I’ll have to see what others think of the mix.

     Also, I created my jellyfish-girl-character more over my interest in jellyfish than my interest in creating an ‘untouchable’ character, but I was aware of her resulting similarities with Rogue. As such, I’m planning on making it an important point that the girl in question is completely asexual, and thus not as likely to be concerned about wanting physical contact. In fact, others tend to be confused as to why she seems realtively unbothered about her predicament.

     She develops a close friendship with my clay person (who is immune to her touch), but as a character, she has few qualms concerning physical contact. Instead, the main focus on her character is more about where the spores came from, why they affected her…and more worryingly, if she might be a host for producing more of them. Her inability to touch others is obviously a problem at times, but it takes a back seat in her character development.

646. # Ragged Boyon 11 Jan 2010 at 8:30 pm

     Hola Jaronblaze,

     Showtime’s powers allow him to control water and its properties. He can skate on streams of water or blast himself along with water-propelled super jumps. When he goes full alien he can surround hmself in water and fly like a torpedo. That’s how he gets around.

     As for your character it’s actually quite simple how he would use his powers offensively and defensively. He would simply summon or create weapons or other equipment for combat. It just occured to me that I have a character, Sketch, with a much similar power. His sketchbook is an advanced piece of technology that lets him bring his drawings to life. His limitation is that he can only draw one thing per page and he only has a set amount of pages the book lets him use. Also, if he’s separated from the book his powers don’t work. I designed a strong set of weapons, creatures, and defensive parameters that he can use. That way he’s cool, but has a good limitation. (I love when character’s get their powers through things)

     Sai will draw a drawing really quickly or have one already drawn, then he infuses his chakra into the ink to make it come off the page. He has drawn a dragon to attack someone, a bird to fly on, and a pack of mice to search for him.

     As for a name all I can think of so far is Ink, but that was used in Batman Beyond. I think you could use it though. I just think it’s a good fit.

647. # jaronblazeon 12 Jan 2010 at 11:14 am

     My character will have a backpack where he keeps all of his artistic tools: spray paint, sketchbook, cans of ink, inkbrushes & even sharpie markers. I think his name would be Shade. He can create various weapons, strange creatures & even people. But I just need help with his limit. Any suggestions?

648. # Ragged Boyon 12 Jan 2010 at 3:25 pm

     My only concern is the applicability of bringing so much into battle. I doubt in the heat of combat that he would have enough time to pull out his tools and draw something up. How do you plan to work around this?

649. # jaronblazeon 15 Jan 2010 at 9:57 am

     He would have the drawings already ready, my friend.

650. # jaronblazeon 15 Jan 2010 at 10:27 am

     I need help with an enemy. Any suggestions?

651. # Scribblaron 15 Jan 2010 at 10:51 am

     He would have the drawings ready for the bad guys ambushing him?

     Also, writing in complete caps is like shouting and is generally considered very rude on most (ie all) internet forums. I realise you perhaps didn’t know that (I didn’t when I first started webbing). [EDITOR: Jaronblaze had previously written a comment in all caps and I agree that it's throughly annoying].

652. # Ragged Boyon 15 Jan 2010 at 5:54 pm

     I think your planning will make your story seem overidealistic. How does he know that his drawing will even apply to the situation. I think your character is on the fast track to becoming a Mary Sue. I suppose if his drawing aren’t specifically made for each situation it can be slightly more acceptable.

     I know what I want from you that would greatly help me help you! Do you think you could write a short scene with Shade taking on a few attackers? It doesn’t have to be an event explicitly from your story just a scene so that I can see how you plan to write this character into combat.

653. # Ragged Boyon 15 Jan 2010 at 6:13 pm

     I’m also noticing another thing, Jaronblaze. Your writing, at least on this site, is distinctly sloppy. Constant use of all caps, blatant disregard for grammar, spelling, and the necessary capitalization, and that annnnoooooying strecthing of words. This isn’t Myspace! If this is how you write I strongly suggest you work on your writing ability if you plan to actually get published. The same goes if you plan to continue using this site. It’s starting to become very grating to not only me but other people on the site.

654. # MOODYon 16 Jan 2010 at 2:05 am

     I am writing a superhero novel, I have some fantastic ideas for unique powers, but my main character’s power isn’t so unique, I think that is better , I can make more interesting drama like that , if I gave him so unique power I won’t be able to write a good drama, don’t you agree with me

655. # Scribblaron 16 Jan 2010 at 3:21 am

     I think drama arises more from the interactions of the characters than from whatever powers they wield. Even programmes like the Hills or Eastenders can be dramatic.

656. # Holliequon 16 Jan 2010 at 7:44 am

     DUN dun dun dun dundundun…

     Err, sorry.

     MOODY: I agree with Scribblar. I’m not sure how you would get drama out of the character having a generic superpower. I can think of a few ways a generic superpower could introduce drama (if your other main characters have very cool and/or unique powers):
     1) The character is unhappy with the power because he wants something more impressive. (“I Just Want To Be Special” turned up to eleven.) This seems like it would make the character less sympathetic, so I’d be very careful with this. It doesn’t seem reasonable for somebody over the age of, say, 18.
     2) This generic power is actually worse than the other characters in the book, but he’s still expected to perform to the same level. This might make the character seem more impressive, but stress is probably not a very good way to introduce drama. (It’s usually less sympathetic in fiction than it is in real life.) Alternatively, there may be a situation where the character’s power is useless, or the drawbacks make it difficult or dangerous to use.

657. # Ragged Boyon 16 Jan 2010 at 8:01 am

     Scribblar hit the nail right on the head. The power isn’t nearly as important the story, this interactions, and style. It won’t matter what type of power the character has if they are poorly written (not saying that you are a poor writer).

     What types of unique powers are we talking about here?

658. # B. Macon 16 Jan 2010 at 8:46 am

     Yeah, I suppose it might be dramatic if the character’s power is weaker than everybody else’s. Part of the fun of teams like Justice League is seeing how Batman contributes in a combat despite just being well-trained. (Well, REALLY well-trained, but yeah).
     
     I’m not sure why it would matter if the character’s power(s) is less flashy than everybody else’s, though. Maybe the character has no fans and gets no media coverage because his fights are too boring and/or disgusting and/or goofy to watch. (Louie the Slime King gets no respect). As Holliequ mentioned, this might make the character feel superficial or juvenile because getting fans would only be an urgent goal for somebody who’s juvenile, interested in getting published, or both.

659. # MOODYon 16 Jan 2010 at 12:25 pm

     You didn’t understand me, my main character’s power is interesting, but what I mean is that it doesn’t have to be ” the most unique of all “, I think the power doesn’t matter what is really important is how you use it in an interesting way.
     For example , my main character has the ability to manipulate wood (and other abilities, but I will explain later ) at thhe same time I have a character which can change the state of matter and control atoms, another who manipulate crystal, and other unique abilities ( I don’t have much time to explain) but what is important is how you develop and use it .
     Don’t you agree

660. # MOODYon 16 Jan 2010 at 12:41 pm

     My main character’s power is good (SO GOOD) but it isn’t the most unique , that is what I meant
     I will post my ideas soon , I hope you would give me advices

661. # B. Macon 16 Jan 2010 at 7:15 pm

     “I will post my ideas soon, and I hope you will give me advice.” That sounds good. Right now, I’m not really sure what you’d like help with so far. I don’t feel like I know much about the plot or the characters yet.

662. # MOODYon 18 Jan 2010 at 1:43 pm

     I want some help please….
     The main character’s mother has superpowers ( you mustn’t be surprised beacause his powers is connected to the DNA and genes ) and it must be a superhero because a big part of the story is depending on this, the problem is how to introduce this to readers, how would the main character know that . Please givee me suggestions.
     Things that would help you :
     …the main character is still 13 so he still lives with his mother
     …He have a magical sign that glow when someone with s.p touches it but she can hide her powers
     …I don’t want the mother to be the “trainer”

     I HAVE AN IDEA:
     the mother’s role is the introduction to the villian she would disappear after trying to stop the villian and being deafeated , would she leave a letter in which she would tell her child about their power and why she hid it
     ..Would that be good..
     If you need more explanation about the plot and the characters please wait until I post the story

663. # Bretton 20 Jan 2010 at 8:50 pm

     B. Mac, I’ve gotta ask you something. Realistically, is there even a remote chance that an agent or publisher would look at any new superhero story since there’s so much out there?
     I know I’m sounding negative but it’s just I’m worried, you know what I mean?
     I know it’s still a long shot but does the fact that it’s a superhero put me or anybody else at a disadvantage
     Again, not trying to discourage but for me personally I’d like that there’s some chance.

664. # Bretton 20 Jan 2010 at 8:51 pm

     I’d like to know, sorry bout that

665. # Ghoston 20 Jan 2010 at 9:17 pm

     B. Mac, I’m interested in hearing your response to Brett’s question as well.

666. # Ragged Boyon 20 Jan 2010 at 9:57 pm

     Well, I’m not B. Mac, but I hope my input has some credibility.
     
     Uh yeah, I’m pretty sure publishers are still interested in superhero stories. Most obviously if that publisher focuses on superhero stories. But even so, I don’t even feel that one is at a disadvantage for wanting to make a superhero story. What counts is the writing, talent, and originality. How many fantasy stories with elves and magic are there? Or sci-fi stories with a psycho alien parasite that takes over human bodies? Tons of them. And they continue to make them even if the genre has been there and done that. Why? Different writers can bring new and interesting things to the table to keep it interesting.
     
     I suspect that if your idea is relatively fresh, your style is unique, and writing capability is publishable that you can get an agent or publisher interested in your work. I don’t see any reason in particular reason they would turn you down. I doubt they’d say “Oh, a superhero story!” and toss it in the trash. Unless the market for superhero stories is destined failure or a well-known minefield, I think you have a shot at getting published. What you should focus on now is improving your writing ability. Getting published is a step that comes much, much later (About a year if you’re just starting the first draft of the manuscript).
     
     Hope this helps!

667. # B. Macon 20 Jan 2010 at 10:22 pm

     Ragged Boy said: “Well, I’m not B. Mac, but I hope my input has some credibility. ”

     Well, I am B. Mac, but credibility is really not my thing. If you want credibility, I’d recommend talking to someone who isn’t named after a burger.
     
     “B. Mac, I’ve gotta ask you something. Realistically is there even a remote chance that an agent or publisher would look at any new superhero story since there’s so much out there?” Absolutely! Publishers will put out whatever they think is most likely to sell, and there is a well-established audience for superhero stories. As long as superhero stories continue to sell, companies will continue to publish them.
     
     But how can you get YOUR superhero story to stand out? Differentiate Your Writing Or Else. If your story feels like a thin knockoff of a popular franchise, it’s probably dead on arrival. The publisher has to feel that your book will add something to what is currently available. For example, there have been many superhero comedies, but I bet that my office comedy about a taxman-turned-sidekick will feel fresh.
     
     So here are a few questions that may help you distinguish your work.
     
     –How is your hero different from other heroes on the market? What sort of interesting traits does he have?
     
     –How is your writing style different from other authors handling similar material? For example, Avatar and District 9 are both sci-fi movies about (SPOILER) a human turning into an alien (/SPOILER) but they handle the experience in a totally different way. In D9, the protagonist’s change causes him to lose something: his wife, his job, his freedom, his innocence, etc. In Avatar, the protagonist gains something: a wife, full use of his legs, social acceptance, the disgust of any Marines in the audience, etc. The plot is similar (a guy turns into an alien and has to deal with the obstacles that follow), but it all depends on which details you use to tell which story.
     
     –What do you bring to the table that other authors don’t? For example, when you’re submitting to publishers, it’ll help if you’ve amassed an audience through your day job or your blog. Excellent grammar and spelling (or money to pay for proofreaders) are pretty much required. What sort of unusual and interesting experiences do you have? Do you have any technical skills that will help you write and market the book? (For example, web coding… professional-grade artistic skills… salesmanship… networking skills, etc).
     
     Finally, the last thing I’ll say is that you can’t let yourself get discouraged. Getting published is like pounding your head on a prison wall until you can get loose. There is no way to know how close you are to freedom. Just take it on faith that you’ll get better and better as long as you work at your writing. It will probably take years to get published; I’ve been a paid writer for three years and am still probably several months away from getting published.

668. # Bretton 21 Jan 2010 at 5:32 pm

     Thanks B.mac sorry for the downer. I think ‘m comfortable enough to share my premise with everyone now.
     Being that I have a disability. I figured I am in the perfect position to create a disabled superhero and write it from a true and honest perspective. Writers can do all the research they want, but they’ll never get something like that exactly right unless they’ve been. Please don’t think that I’m going to be catering to only people with disabilities because I most certainly am not. he’s just a run of the mill teen who happens to have a disability. There are two different sets of powers of planning i can’t decide on which one. the first is superstrength,flight, and the ability to sense other people with powers near by. In this version, he senses one of the villians henchmen and ends up falling down so he doesn’t have very good balance the ability to sense others’ powers makes him dizzy. so the main ‘baddie’ and the henchmen kidnap him and he gets rescued by another group of heroes although only three of them have powers, and the rest of them are just regular people helping them. The heroes train him and Brett fights the main baddie at the end of the story. now hears the fun part. the main baddie goes to school with Brett and he happens to be disabled as well. the book alternates between their two perspectives. obviously, a lot more goes on that i haven’t talked about what do you think?

669. # Bretton 21 Jan 2010 at 5:51 pm

     aw man i didn’t see you mention avatar but there are literally HUNDREDS of disabled characters in scifi. cameron shyed away from the disability because his mind was transfered into the avatar and he could as u said. im not gonna lie, i’ve been working on this story for almost seven years and i found out about Avatar in september 2008. but the more i researched the more i realized the only things i had in common with the story was that both characters are disabled and the disabilities are totally different. we’re going see my character perservere in spite of disability. its the constant elephant in the room

670. # Bretton 21 Jan 2010 at 5:52 pm

     Thanks rag boy yeah my first drafts we’re toilet paper worthy!

671. # B. Macon 21 Jan 2010 at 6:36 pm

     Hmm. I think a story about disabled characters could work. If Hero (a novel about a gay superhero) could become a bestseller based on what I imagine to be a fairly niche audience, a publisher could probably pick up a disabled superhero if he’s really well-written.
     
     Professor X and Oracle/Barbara Gordon (UPDATE: and the protagonist of Avatar) use wheelchairs, so I think readers will feel pretty comfortable with a physical disability. Now, I notice you didn’t specify whether it was a physical disability, but a mental disability could also work (although it’d probably be trickier). I’m not familiar with such superheroes, but Flowers for Algernon and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time sold quite a lot of copies despite using a mentally retarded protagonist and an autistic protagonist, respectively.
     
     Given that superstrength is one of his abilities, I’m guessing that this protagonist is mentally disabled, which may raise likability and relatability issues. Speaking from experience, it is often difficult to talk about depressive symptoms because people want to be supportive but the problem makes them feel really uncomfortable. And I would venture to say that my symptoms are fairly mild and that, unless I spoke about these issues (which I rarely do), I would come off like a fairly boring 20-something professional. So I think that is a very, very small slice of who I am. I’m encouraged that the disability is just one part of who he is– otherwise readers without that disability might have a lot of trouble relating to him.
     
     So… let’s talk about your character.
     
     –What sort of traits does he have going on besides the disability?
     –Does he have any flaws NOT related to the disability? (One potential problem with using disabled characters that the author may use a disability to make a character unaccountable for his flaws– I’d recommend giving him at least one flaw that is definitely his fault rather than beyond his control).
     –How does his disability affect his work as a superhero?
     –An agent or editor would probably want to know something about whether the character can connect with your readers. Who’s your target audience and why will they want to read about him?
     –I notice that it sounds like the character is named Brett, which is also the pen-name you’re using here. Will you be able to maintain adequate authorial distance between you and your character?
     –Is he dealing with a disability similar to yours? If so, that’s something that might raise huge red flags for a literary professional about whether the character is a Mary Sue stand-in for the author.
     
     …
     
     I really like the twist that the villain is also disabled. I was sort of worried that he’d be a 2-D guy that hated on disabled people, maybe Nazi-style. It’s far more interesting that he himself is disabled.

672. # Lighting Manon 21 Jan 2010 at 7:58 pm

     I also had a quick question about Brett’s Brett. Do his abilities make up for or cure his disability? For instance, Daredevil is blind but his radar makes up for it in combat situations, and most civilian situations as well, the protagonist of Avatar cures his disability by becoming a African-American Smurf.

     You mention the ability to fly, which implies that he suffers from a physical disability, it seems highly coincidental that a person most without a convenient mode of transportation would gain it, and seems very much like wish fulfillment, echoing B. Mac’s concerns about Mary Sue-ness.

673. # B. Macon 21 Jan 2010 at 9:16 pm

     The protagonist of Avatar does not become African-American! Just a Smurf.

674. # B. Macon 21 Jan 2010 at 9:29 pm

     Also, I sort of inferred that it was a mental condition because 1) the character might be superstrong and I have absolutely no idea how a physically handicapped character would use superstrength and 2) I got the impression that the condition in question is a touchy one.
     
     I can’t think of too many physical conditions I’d be reluctant to talk about. For example, If I used a wheelchair full-time, I’d have no problem saying that. It wouldn’t make prospective business partners (like agents and editors) nervous.
     
     In contrast, being open about a mental condition may raise serious doubts about your workmanship. For example, does a depressed writer have the ability to meet tough deadlines without going to pieces? I wouldn’t want to invite such questions from editors unless I absolutely, absolutely had to.

675. # Lighting Manon 21 Jan 2010 at 11:30 pm

     I’ve personally not seen Avatar, I was just making a joke based off the “controversy” about the ethnicity of the alien race.

     I didn’t mean to imply I didn’t agree with your inferences, I just didn’t want to structure my reply around them in case it is not what Brett had in mind, I agree fully with what you derived from what was put forward, I just didn’t want to miss a chance to ask a relevant question in such an event as he is physically disabled in the time between Brett’s responses.

676. # B. Macon 22 Jan 2010 at 12:13 am

     Ah! That’s good thinking.

677. # Scribblaron 22 Jan 2010 at 5:22 am

     I think we need to know what the disability the character has is. For instance, physical disabilities that wouldn’t impact on flying and super strength could include deafness, blindness, or upper limb problems. It would be interesting to see how a character without arms utilised super strength, for example.

     Whoa, I had just had a weirdly cool idea ( not poaching, it was for a werewolf in a wheelchair).

678. # Bretton 22 Jan 2010 at 3:07 pm

     Wow! I had no idea this would generate such discussion. To answer your Mary Sue question, B. Mac, until I read your article a few months back, he was dangerously close to a Mary Sue. But I’ve really changed a lot of things since. The love interest and the mentor who I left out of the post before are really the only ones who REALLY like him. Everybody else is either weary of him or just plain mad with the antagonist who is disabled. It’s a little more than that he’s just mad.
     
     He does have the same physical disability as me, cerebral palsy. But as the story progresses, he starts to wish that disabilities were all he had to worry about. No, it’s not touchy at all– I’m very open about it. Being that this is an origin story it’s not going to utilize the superstrength part of it a lot in the beginning. You see it briefly so the readers know it can’t exactly control it yet but as the story goes on he uses it more and more.
     
     To answer Lighting Boy’s question… no, he’s not cured by his powers. His disability enhances his powers to an extent. I’d rather not explain that yet because I don’t want to ruin the story.
     
     Scribblar, it is a cool idea until I stumbled on all those disabled scifi articles I would have gotten nervous, not now though, haha. I know this doesn’t mean much coming from me but Ii say go for it. [EDITOR: I had trouble with this paragraph].

679. # Bretton 22 Jan 2010 at 3:11 pm

     I’d describe him like Darren shan’s darren shan in the vampire’s assistant. i just added the extra autobiographical bit to make it more compelling

680. # Bretton 22 Jan 2010 at 3:14 pm

     Its funny u mention perrry moore’s hero b.mac because that’s what really pushed me to continue

681. # Bretton 22 Jan 2010 at 3:16 pm

     Even though he has a lot in common with me i don’t make it easy for him. let’s just say that he’s VERY VERY lucky the other heroes came and not the police…

682. # B. Macon 22 Jan 2010 at 5:09 pm

     Hello again, Brett. With two exceptions, my set of questions are the same as before.
     
     –What sort of traits does he have going on besides the disability?
     
     –Does he have any flaws NOT related to the disability? (One potential problem with using disabled characters that the author may use a disability to make a character unaccountable for his flaws–I’d recommend giving him at least one flaw that is definitely his fault rather than beyond his control).
     
     –New question: What are some things you don’t like about this character?
     
     –New question: What are some mistakes this character makes that you wouldn’t in his situation?
     
     –How does his disability affect his work as a superhero?
     
     –An agent or editor would probably want to know something about whether the character can connect with your readers. Who’s your target audience and why will they want to read about him?
     
     …
     
     I feel that the authorial distance issues are pretty major. The character having the same disability as you, using the character’s name as your pen-name… The problem with this is that authors often have a LOT of trouble seeing their avatar as the readers will see him. Incidentally, I felt that I had serious issues with authorial distance for Gary, who looks 98% like me and has a somewhat similar personality and background. I tried to solve that issue by making him more of a Jon Arbuckle. He’s entirely out of his depth, applying for a secret agent job he is absolutely unqualified for… Perhaps not entirely unlike an unpublished author trying to sell a book about how to get published.

683. # Bretton 22 Jan 2010 at 6:08 pm

     he gets dizzy when he senses others’ powers. i’m surprised at myself for not putting that in there before. He cant run as fast but when he hits the enemy they still go down. ignoring the obvious would something that I wouldn’t do which he does when he figures out who the antagonist is. my target audience would the same as the iron man movie

684. # B. Macon 22 Jan 2010 at 10:58 pm

     I don’t want to talk too much about audience analysis because it’s mainly important when you’re ready to submit. Until then, I’d like to suggest that Ironman probably won’t have a very similar audience to yours. Your hero is a teen (probably resulting in a younger audience) with CP– God knows how that will affect the audience, but my guess is that your readers will be more literary (rather than purely entertainment-oriented).
     
     The bit of audience analysis that DOES matter now is why readers without CP would rather go for this character rather than a character that doesn’t have CP. I think that’s a really critical question to pulling off this choice of main character. To answer that, I’d recommend reading (or rereading) the three books mentioned before (Flowers for Algernon, The Curious Matter and Hero) because they had noticeable crossover appeal. It wasn’t just gays reading Hero and it definitely wasn’t just the mentally handicapped reading FFA.
     
     Aside from that, I feel a general sense of uneasiness here. I feel like this novel concept is pretty deep into a number of minefields (for example, the main character shares your disability and pen-name). I think it would take a LOT of introspection and self-awareness to pull off this sort of self-insert without it turning into a thin wish-fulfillment fantasy. I don’t know. It’s not the sort of thing I’d recommend for a first-timer.
     
     But, who knows, it might work if your execution is solid. Would you like to post some chapters? That’d probably be more productive than rehashing the concept.

685. # Bretton 23 Jan 2010 at 5:14 pm

     Based on what you said, B. Mac, I believe that you think reading the book itself would probably be your best bet. Physically and minus powers he IS different from me despite the fact he has my same disability.
     
     I’ll post a few chapters but I’m gonna do a touch up first in terms of editing.
     
     …
     You could consider it a clean version of Superbad with superheroes.

686. # Ragged Boyon 23 Jan 2010 at 8:05 pm

     Brett, I have a question. Your writing needs a lot of editing. If this is because of your disability, I apologize for any insensitivity. However, how do you plan to solve this problem before you get published? Improve your own ability? Have proofreaders?

687. # B. Macon 23 Jan 2010 at 8:14 pm

     “Based on what you said, B. Mac, I believe that you think reading the book itself would probably be your best bet.” Indeed! If you’d like to post some chapters, I can set you up with a review forum. Alternately, if you’d like to handle this more privately, you can e-mail them to me at superheronation-at-gmail-dot-com .

688. # Bretton 23 Jan 2010 at 8:30 pm

     Ragged boy, you misunderstand. when I’m doing a paper or whatever, I always make it look good and things like that. when I type on places like this, i tend to write as i would write an im. I know I shouldn’t do that, but I like to just try and get my point across. I guess sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. I used to be very carefull when I wrote but people don’t really want to wait most of the time. I do type with one hand pretty much, which is why it takes a while to proofread, but I can definately do so. Oh, and don’t worry about being sensitive and the like, I’m totally cool about everything. Thanks for correcting for me.

689. # Bretton 23 Jan 2010 at 10:51 pm

     Hey b.mac, it’s a scriptment. Is that ok? I have like one chapter actually written, but I have the whole thing in scriptment form.

690. # Bretton 23 Jan 2010 at 10:53 pm

     Oh, I forgot to tell you that I’m attempting to take a page from james patterson and write short chapters.

691. # B. Macon 23 Jan 2010 at 11:22 pm

     Hmm. I’d prefer to help with the chapter actually written rather than the scriptment. It gives me a lot more to work with.

692. # Bretton 26 Jan 2010 at 9:56 pm

     so listen b. mac I ran into a snag, turns out the chapter is from another version of the story i’ve been telling you about. I guess I forgot because I hadn’t looked at the document for a while cuz ive been working on the scriptment until school started. The crapy tagline is ‘heroes in space’ and the chapter is even worse. what do I do?

693. # Bretton 26 Jan 2010 at 10:01 pm

     from what i can tell, it would deal with 3 or four supers centered around a cast of regular people. i use that term loosely because it’s in outer space. The only thing i know for sure is that the disabled protagonist and antagonist are still there. Sorry about this, I had about twelve different documents for this thing and I guess I wrote the wrong chapter one.

694. # B. Macon 26 Jan 2010 at 10:14 pm

     Your call. If you think it’d be helpful for me to review this version of the story, bring it on! If you’d rather rewrite the chapter to be more recent, that’d be fine, too. However, if you think that your writing has developed quite a bit since you’ve written it, I suspect that you’d probably get more out of a review of a more recent version.

695. # Chandleron 28 Jan 2010 at 4:20 pm

     Hey guys. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything on the site, since being admitted to one of the greatest art, media and communications colleges in the world, Columbia College Chicago (I’m going to be starting this coming May). I do have a concept for a particular character. He was given his powers from a scientist using stem cells from a mutant that had recently died. He possesses Hulk-level strength.

696. # B. Macon 28 Jan 2010 at 4:48 pm

     Congratulations on Columbia. I know a few people that go there.

697. # ForsAkenon 05 Feb 2010 at 4:24 pm

     I am helping one of my friends with his story, and he has asked me to supply him with a character. I named the Character Theireq, he has a laid back personality, he values friendship a lot, he would always try to do what is right instead of whats popular though. I need help with a power though. I was thinking on giving him a charisma or some sort of power that has to do with water. If anyone has ideas please let me know. Oh and his story is fantasy, and there is really no specific time period.

698. # Ragged Boyon 05 Feb 2010 at 5:35 pm

     So, would you like us to suggest powers?

699. # B. Macon 05 Feb 2010 at 5:58 pm

     I think water control would work. It lends itself well to interesting fight scenes and is versatile and easy to understand.
     
     I’m not so sure about charisma. I think that having the power to persuade people to do things they wouldn’t otherwise do would be significantly less interesting than reading about a character who persuades people without superpowers. Not having the power will force you to work harder to make him show how good his skills are, rather than just using a superpower.
     
     I’d recommend rounding out his personality more with a flaw. Right now, he sounds like a mostly generically nice guy. I’d recommend playing up these personality traits so much that they might conceivably get him into trouble– maybe he’s so laid-back that he treats people far more casually or nonchalantly than he should. Maybe he doesn’t care about what’s happening as much as he should. Maybe he values friendship too much and sometimes makes unreasonable (or unethical) requests of his friends. Maybe he gets into trouble because doing what he thinks is right is a hell of a lot harder (and/or dumber) than going with the flow would have been.

700. # RPG-92on 05 Feb 2010 at 6:20 pm

     Why am I here you ask after giving you a piece a crap (after I looked at it I saw the flaws)? You know the half deamon half angel one. Cus I finnally copyrighted my script. Yeah! Now I can tell you how it goes. First episode: This two spies working for the EFP break into a secret base. The base is the a lab for the 3rd Cerebral 10. They want to steal the Infinity Formula. They infiltrate the base correctfuly but one of the spies betrays the other. The spy who was good was sending the Infinity Formula on a laser thing. The bad spy shot the laser and the laser thing so it malfunctioned and it begun to shoot the other half in the other direction. Nick (the hero) after having a bad day. recives the Infinity Formula (by acident). The Infinity Formula was not ready yet so he freaks out. He hit an energy source which calmed him down and made him pass out. He woke up next morning not remebering anything. He goes to school and has a great day (using his powers). He shoots out some energy freaking out his brother and his friend. The brother (who is a genius) scans his body. He has no idea what he has. He only knows that he has an energy alteration and a new base pair (DNA). He is then guilted into being a hero. There is a bank robbery. He has to go save the day. He runs past the police and into the Bank. The Robbers are suprised to see how fast he got in. Nick gets bored and decides to leave but he sees his father and is suprised. One of the Robbers hits him on the back of the head with a gun. He is knocked out. Nick has to chase the robbers who have got away with a helicopter and a million dollars. Nick chases after them at superspeed. He sees them in the sky and blasts the tail of the helicopter. The fall from the sky. The helicopter is falling towards a baseball game. Nick instead of catching the helicopter he tackles it out of the way into a tree. Nick confronts and beats the robbers. When the police get there, Nick is gone and the three robbers turn out to be pacients from a phsiciatric ward. No one knows how they planned it all out. Youd think no one but Nick, his brother and Chris know he’s a hero. Wrong! The EFD found out. They are now trying to figure out what they are going to do with Nick. Woah thats alot XD-judge it please.

701. # ForsAkenon 05 Feb 2010 at 6:28 pm

     Well I was thinking about the villian he will be pinned against in the story, and the Villain has the power to use someones power against them. So i was thinking that a charisma power would help him along some lines.

     There is also multiple enemies and many heroes in this story so far. So a charisma power wouldnt be making it to less intresting.

     I was also working on his background ealier, and if i give him a power like water, it will be more of a ice power.

702. # B. Macon 06 Feb 2010 at 1:21 am

     RPG, when you say you’re doing an episode, do you mean you’re interested in writing a TV show? If so, I’d like to refer you to someone else because I don’t know ANYTHING about how to get a TV show on the air.
     
     Here are some general ideas.
     –I think your writing will go a lot farther if you can work out the punctuation/word-choice/spelling issues. Your writing isn’t crap but it is difficult for me to understand.
     –Nick sounds bland. Does he have any interesting personality traits or other distinguishing traits?
     –The plot sounds okay. Probably a bit too generic. What’s something that happens in this story that couldn’t happen anywhere else? For example, Ragged Boy does kickass work with an inner-city school as the setting. The climax of my comic book’s first issue is a failed job interview with a mutant alligator. Get something to make your story stand out.

703. # RPG-92on 06 Feb 2010 at 7:32 am

     Answers coming at ya:

     1. When I mean crap I mean that the idea (not the spelling was crap) was crap.

     2. You do realize that mose computers now have spell and grammer check right? I write like this because I’m fast. Trust me my script are not like this.

     3. Nick is more of a commical hero. He only gets serious when ha has too. He’s basiccly the guy that compares things to telivision. He dosnt like being a hero, finds it to be a nag and hates wearing the tight super suit.

     4. The plot builds up. Its more of a secret show. Its all based around secrets. I will give you a hint. The dad of Nick is is where the story begins.

     5. Nicks powers are: Strength (2 and a half cars), Speed (100-250), healing (himself) Energy powers, and high sences.

     6. Other questionns that could have been asked- What is the Infinity Formula? Who is the EFP? Whats a Cerbral 10? How did escaped crazy people pull of a gun robbery? All this will be on the next Comment

704. # RPG-92on 06 Feb 2010 at 7:55 am

     Oh and I know you are not a TV writer. I read it in the other comments you said it in. I come to you for an opinion. It dont take a TV writer for an opinion. You make superheros thats all I need for someone to make an informed decision.

705. # B. Macon 06 Feb 2010 at 9:51 am

     “You do realize that mose computers now have spell and grammer check right? Trust me my script are not like this.” The comment feature on this website has a spellcheck feature, too, but unfortunately I don’t think it helped all that much.
     
     …
     
     “The plot builds up. Its more of a secret show. Its all based around secrets. I will give you a hint. The dad of Nick is is where the story begins.” Umm, okay. However, when you’re pitching the story, you can’t leave the resolution of the story in doubt. The person evaluating your proposal will think “there are major holes here” before “ooh, I wonder what fills those holes.” Save the secrets for the audience, NOT the evaluator. He needs to be able to easily tell whether your story is good enough to air. Being coy in the hopes that he’ll be intrigued enough to ask for more is NOT a winning approach.
     
     Generally, I’d recommend making things as easy for the evaluator as possible. For example, if the Infinity Formula is really important to the story, I’d recommend explaining that in 1-2 sentences. In your February 5 posting, it sounded like you just assumed I knew what it was, which is more likely to confuse the evaluator than interest him/her.
     
     Okay, that’s it for me. I’m not interested in checking out the rest. I work with comic books, novels and occasionally webcomics. If you’d like some advice about how to find TV writing advice, please read this article again. However, if I could offer a suggestion…If you solicit advice from scriptwriting professionals, please put as much care into your request for help as you would put into the script. The first thing they will wonder is whether the request is worth their time. If the grammar/punctuation/spelling are poor, the answer is no.
     
     In a month, if you haven’t been able to receive feedback from any TV professionals, I’d be willing to discuss your search for help. However, most unsuccessful searches are killed by poor grammar, spelling and punctuation, so that’s what I would consider first.

706. # I'm sorryon 06 Feb 2010 at 1:44 pm

     Fine. You only help with comic books. Lets imagine it’s a comic book. Why? Because you seem to think I’m here for TV pitching help. I’m here because you do heroes and that’s all I need. You want to be blown away? Well here it goes. I’m not holding back. You will here the secrets and the other characters.

     Infinity Formula- A formula invented by the 2nd Cerebral 10. It increases a humans natural abilities constantly at a steady rate, every day. By natural I mean their senses (hearing, sight, smell and touch), strength, speed, reflexes, brain power, healing, and stamina. Of course this doesn’t mean that one day he can lift one car, and the next day, two. The 2nd Cerebral 10 invented a limit on how fast it could grow. If someone altered it to grow faster, they would die. The Infinity Formula can probably even give you immortality.

     Cerebral 10- These are scientist who took a test, and were chosen because they got the highest score. They are granted a Neutral ID (it is and ID which makes them a citizen in every country).

     EFP (Elite For Peace)- It’s a group of 9 people who are all code named by a Greek letter. They are all very powerful people (not just rich). They are either spies, scientists, or politicians. They started this society back in the early 1900. These 9 vote on what actions to take to gain peace on earth. The found out that the 3rd Cerebral 10 had made her own Infinity Formula. She of course was going to use it for evil purposes. They sent spies to retrieve it.

     Delta- He is one of the EFP. He is the only one of the EFP that knows where the other half of the Infinity Formula is. He hides it because he doesn’t want this boy to be watched over like Nick.

     Roger- He is Nick’s child hood friend/rival. He lives in New York and has the other half of the Infinity Formula.

     What do you think?

707. # B. Macon 06 Feb 2010 at 2:20 pm

     Here are some suggestions.
     
     –Make Nick stand out more. Stronger personality. For example, if he’s someone that doesn’t really want to be a hero, what are some ways that he acts differently from someone that DOES want to be a hero? For example, maybe he refuses to help and someone gets hurt. If he’s going to get guilted, it might as well be because of something he’s sort of responsible for.
     
     –I like the phrase “Infinity Formula” because its meaning is mostly intuitive. In contrast, I’d recommend rephrasing Cerebral 10 and the EFP. I don’t think anyone can guess what those are.
     
     –How is Roger different from other cartoon rivals? For example, Kim Possible’s Bonnie, Ranma’s Ryoga, Mandark from Dexter’s Lab, Pokemon’s Gary, etc. Your character needs a distinct voice, personality, style, etc. Why does he feel the need to compete with Nick?

708. # RPG-92on 06 Feb 2010 at 3:34 pm

     Alright lets see what I can do.

     Nick- Well he’s the hero (there‘s no one more important than him). His personality is laid back. He likes to play pranks on people. He will fight for anyone that needs his help. For example there is Alison. She moved into town and she is a hero. She tells Nick that she is the new hero of the town. Instead of Nick caring and trying to beat her, he celebrates. Why? No more responsibility. Bad people kidnap her, so Nick steps into action. He saves her and instead of rubbing her nose in it he lets her join his group as a partner.

     Roger- He is the rival/friend of Nick. Him and Nick are opposites in almost everything (even power wise). Nick finds him to be kind of cocky. If Nick is good at fighting games he is good at racing games. When it comes to powers they are equal in battle. Nick is faster, heals better, has higher senses, quality energy. Roger is stronger, smarter, and has more energy. They are basically yin and yang.

     Jonathan(Nick’s Dad)- He doesn’t really show any emotions, yet he loves his sons. He is a single dad. His wife died in a boat crash(supposedly). He is a tutor to college or high school kids, in any subject. He actually knew that his son was a hero the day of the robbery. He said “What am I? A character from a Superman comic? I know my own son when I see him.”. He is the 2nd Cerebral 10(that’s right, the inventor of the Infinity Formula). He actually invented the Infinity Formula years before he became a Cerebral 10. He tells his son that the Infinity Formula is unstable within him, that the only reason he survived was because of the unknown energy and that he may disintegrate or explode. They are trying to figure out how he got his powers.

     Titan- He is the villain. He is a 16 year old kid and son of the 3rd Cerebral 10. He was suppose to die of multiple tumors around his body. He was cured with a prototype version of the Infinity Formula. Instead of him growing stronger without trying, he has to work out to get stronger, because there are no limits. He Can get stronger and faster. He knows every type of marital art and fighting style on earth. He also knows how to fight with a sword. He wishes to have the Infinity Formula that Nick and Roger have. He can easily defeat Nick, so it takes both Roger and Nick to match up to him.

709. # Ghoston 06 Feb 2010 at 4:30 pm

     B. Mac,
     Does Superhero Nation really have a spell/grammar check? If so, how would one go about using it?

710. # B. Macon 06 Feb 2010 at 6:40 pm

     As you type your comment, it should underline a word that is spelled wrong. Here’s a screenshot of how that looks on my computer.
     
     
     I think it only works for registered users, though. If you haven’t registered, you can register for free here.
     
     We don’t have a grammar-check, though. Probably just as well… Grammar-checks are NOTORIOUSLY unreliable. If you are interested in becoming a professional writer, that’s something you either have to do yourself or pay somebody to do for you.

711. # RPG-92on 06 Feb 2010 at 8:56 pm

     I need an evaluation, please. Because now that its copyrighted, I’m going to start asking for opinions. But your opinion is a lot more important. 1 to 10. Oh, and don’t sugar coat it for me. How can we learn, if we don’t suffer?

712. # B. Macon 06 Feb 2010 at 9:58 pm

     Alright, umm. I should probably explain my scaling system a bit.
     I’d give a 10 to anything I’d recommend for publication right now (~.5% of professional submissions).
     I’d give an 8-9 to something good enough to earn a revise-and-resubmit letter (~1.5%).
     I’d give a 4-6 to something that feels like it’s on the road to getting published (~10%?). As a point of reference, I think that my comic book script falls in this category.
     A 3 needs major work.
     A 1 has so little going on that restarting from the ground up would cost little.
     
     I’ll give Nick a 3. I think he’s getting better, but he needs more style. “He will fight for anyone that needs his help.” This doesn’t feel true to the character– if he cared so much about fighting for people that needed his help, why would he celebrate his freedom from responsibility?
     
     Roger is probably a 1. I would recommend going back to the drawing board on this one. Make him more than just another Rival. Right now, he’s forgettable.
     
     Jonathan is probably a 3 or 4. So far, he feels likes like the freshest character here. I could have seen him getting as high as 5, but that Superman line felt more voice-appropriate for a younger character than someone that tutors college students. Still, I appreciate that you’re putting some thought into what he sounds like and his style of humor. It’s just not quite there yet.
     
     I’d give Titan a 1 or 2. It doesn’t sound like he’s interesting, either. Your description of this character was about 110 words and spent 47 on his powers/capabilities, 36 on his backstory/family, 12 on his goals and none on his personality. If this were a comic book, I’d recommend reversing these priorities. Personality is a hell of a lot more important than capabilities. Knowing every martial art and fighting style on Earth struck me as gratuitous hyperbole. I like the detail that he has to work to become stronger. It sort of makes him a bit of a self-made man.
     
     Also, across the board, I would recommend trying to “show” rather than “tell,” as much as possible. Give us some details to make the characters come alive. “Nick finds him to be kind of cocky.” What’s a particularly bold boast he’s made? “His personality is laid back.” Could you give an example of that in action? (The celebration is a great start).
     
     Finally, I would recommend thinking about your phrasing. It’s sometimes a bit bland. If I could give a few contrasting lines from my own work…
     “Gary has to trust his life to an inept mutant alligator.” This is lifeless.
     “Gary has to trust his life to a mutant alligator whose deductive skills make Scooby Doo look like Batman.” This is better because it gives a bit of humorous contrast. (It’s also a bit more specific about why the partner is inept).

713. # Anonymouson 07 Feb 2010 at 9:35 am

     Hey, I’m just curious about this- how well does shapeshifting work out for a character? You don’t see a lot of it, (well, I don’t) and I’m just wondering what the pitfalls might be and what the advantages might be. I don’t read much superhero fiction, but off the top of my head, the only characters I can think of that are capable of transformation are Mystique and Beastboy.

714. # B. Macon 07 Feb 2010 at 10:21 am

     Myriad (Dynamo Five) and the Martian Manhunter come to mind as well.
     
     I think shapeshifting is a bit better suited for a support character. The character would have a lot of options for sneaking and infiltration, but probably wouldn’t be too interesting in combat. Even if the character can turn into animals, there are only so many ways to show a dinosaur/tiger/wallaby slamming someone. If your series is mature enough to use blood, you may be able to add variety with maulings–if your series isn’t that mature, you could have him show off the claws/teeth on insentient enemies.
     
     Also, one useful aspect is that the shapeshifter would have a lot of opportunities to run off on his own. If the combat scenes ever got too unwieldy because too many characters were involved, it’d be easy to give him something else to do elsewhere. For example, while everybody else is fighting, maybe he’s looking for an important plot item.
     
     …
     
     If the shapeshifter is a lone character, I’d recommend giving him another power to make the fights more interesting. (Sort of like the Martian Manhunter, although he’s better-known for his work on the Justice League than his own comic).
     
     I don’t think it lends itself particularly well to interesting fight scenes.
     
     …
     
     I think that the ability to transform into other humans requires that the author have a strong grasp on character voicing. If you have many characters that sound very different, it’ll be fun to read the shapeshifter try to emulate their manners of speech. If the characters don’t have distinct voices, having a shapeshifter will draw attention to the fact that all of them sound alike.

715. # RPG-92on 07 Feb 2010 at 10:24 am

     Well let see

     Nick- He saves people who are in danger (even then he find it to be a nag). Nick on the first episode(calm down, I know you’re not a TV writer). he sees a little girl about to get run overr, he sights, then he saves the girl.

     Roger- I don’t blame you. Roger doesn’t really appear much. He lives in NY, while Nick lives in CA. When he visits Nick’s town, Roger helps Nick save the day, Nick then know that Jake knew that Roger had powers, because he has the same super suit only in a different color. Nick and Roger make a bet, who ever saves the most people wins, the stakes are the same as always. Nick gets into a fight with Roger, and blasts his necklace on accident. The necklace kept Roger’s powers undercontrol. Roger attracts lighting storms. Roger saves the day and Nick’s life. Nick looses the bet, so he has to run naked through the streets(no one calls the cops, because this has happened before).

     Jonathan- Well Nick’s problems do have to do with his past.

     Titan- Titan has a temper. If someone lays a hand on him he’ll throw you through the window. He is really smart because he is home schooled by his mother. He’s not just muscle, he can devise great battle stratagies, and has an IQ of 160 . He loves to fight He can drive a motorcycle like the pros. He envies Nick and Roger because they have the Infinity Formula. He will stop at nothing to have it. The EFP fear him (they mention him alot in their meetings).

716. # Anonymouson 07 Feb 2010 at 10:48 am

     To B.Mac: I don’t really write action stories, though I like reading them. I was thinking it would work better for maybe a spy series, or a detective novel.
     I see your point about character voicing though, and I thought that could be an interesting thing to include.

717. # Holliequon 07 Feb 2010 at 2:41 pm

     RPG-92, I have a piece of advice for you: tone down the arrogance. It is not at all endearing. (I mean things like “You want to be blown away? Well here it goes. I’m not holding back.”) You may think the world of your story, but I doubt anybody else does, and being arrogant isn’t going to make them any more likely to help you. To be honest, it makes you look like an ass. Especially as your premise and characters don’t make your story sound at all mind-blowing. I’m not a comic book reader, but I’m sure “super-serum” and “reluctant hero” have been done before.

718. # B. Macon 07 Feb 2010 at 2:48 pm

     Generally, I’d recommend that a writer let his work speak for itself. It is much more effective to describe your story in a way that it will sound exciting than say something like “this is an exciting story!” For more advice about how to show that your story is exciting, I’d recommend checking out websites like Query Shark. It focuses on novels, but the skills involved in writing a winning query apply just as much to comic books and screenwriting.
     
     Also, I’d like to encourage you to look for help elsewhere, RPG. When I said I wasn’t qualified or interested in helping prospective screenwriters, I meant it. If you’re serious about getting on the air, you’ll need to get to know professionals in the TV industry eventually. I’d recommend doing it sooner rather than later. Because I don’t think that we are well-suited to help you, I’m going to have to let you go now.

719. # Ragged Boyon 07 Feb 2010 at 3:37 pm

     RPG-92, I’ve found an interesting tweak to your “Infinity Formula.” If it constantly heightens a person’s senses and natural ability that could be problematic. What if it heightens their senses to point that it causes sensory overload. They smell a rotten egg, but their senses augment the smell to the point that it smells like a garbage dump and they become disoriented. Music becomes a cacophony of sound. A slightly bitter taste becomes enough to make them vomit. Overall, they would become easily distracted, disorientated, and incapable of combat.

     Alternatively, their mental ability increases to the point that their body falls grossly behind. They sense things so quickly that everything, even their own body movements are like slow motion. Bleach used this flawlessly.

     Or, their reflexes become so automatic that they can’t control them. They see someone out of the corner of their eye and instantly chop them only to realize it was their mom.

     Just some thought if you ever want the Infinity Formula to backfire.

     On a side note, relying on a spelling and grammar check to fix your work is in bad taste for a writer. It strikes me as lazy and a bit unprofessional. I would understand if you were someone who needed it, but unless you do I’d recommend at least trying to improve. I think having higher mechanical ability lends itself to interesting sentence structure and style.

720. # RPG-92on 07 Feb 2010 at 8:45 pm

     Thanks, Ragged Boy. I did need that. I’ll use that terrible death, on the chick who pushes the Infinity Formula too far. Holliequ, I didn’t mean to act like that. I just really love my work. Oh, and you do realize that almost every hero is a copy of something. All heroes are bound to get their powers the same way. Some examples are: Radioactive waste, radioactive bite, lab accident, lab experiment, radiation, super suit, magic or born with it. Two heroes that are the same, are Batman and Green Arrow.

     I’ll be back months from now, to tell you of my progress (hopefully it’s for the better).
     See you later ;D

721. # Ragged Boyon 07 Feb 2010 at 10:02 pm

     Don’t forget Training From Hell. And yes, many superheroes are the same, it’s very common knowledge.

     We’ll see you “months from now!” Good luck

722. # B. Macon 09 Feb 2010 at 9:17 am

     Many heroes have similar origins and there will almost always be several people that share your hero’s main power. The key is execution. For example, my comic book submission has a mutant alligator (Agent Orange) whose origin and superpowers are 95% similar to Leatherhead, a mutant alligator from TMNT. I’m betting that the editor will feel that AO’s voice/personality/style/goals/problems/obstacles are distinct enough that he will succeed as his own character.
     
     …
     
     So far, I am not sure that you are giving your characters enough room to establish their uniqueness. Particularly the rival.

723. # Lighting Manon 09 Feb 2010 at 11:44 am

     Honestly, that similarity between characters is one of the most beautiful and celebrated aspects of comic books. Right now, there are two really amazingly well written and crafted on-going comic books, Irredeemable and Invincible, both of which feature a protagonist with super-speed, flight, and super-strength, and most likely a backstory (Irredeemable actually hasn’t revealed his yet, but Invincible’s certainly is) directly inspired by Superman, who he is, who he has been and what he could be, and they are completely different in tone, focus and almost completely unrelated if you didn’t know they were both about Superman analogues.

     The core cast of Watchmen, one of the most critically acclaimed sequential art works ever, is entirely made-up of analogues of older superheroes, because the author couldn’t get permission to use the characters he wanted to. I could go on and on, but ultimately, there is only so many reasons but so many ways for people to put on tights and go an do something stupid at 3 A.M.

     I just felt I could chime in, because I’m chime-y.

724. # Holliequon 09 Feb 2010 at 12:24 pm

     “…there is only so many reasons but so many ways for people to put on tights and go an do something stupid at 3 A.M.”

     I have to admit that this is the best description of superheroing I have ever seen.

725. # Ragged Boyon 09 Feb 2010 at 6:10 pm

     “The core cast of Watchmen, one of the most critically acclaimed sequential art works ever, is entirely made-up of analogues of older superheroes.”

     Exacta!

     Night Owl – Blue Beetle

     The Comedian – The Peacemaker

     Silk Spectre – Black Orchid/Black Canary

     Rorshach – The Question

     Dr. Manhattan – Captain Atom

     Just felt chime-y as well.

726. # Bretton 14 Feb 2010 at 10:14 pm

     hey b.mac. Just wanted to give you an update on my work. It may be pathetic to say but the Percy Jackson movie inspired me a bit. Now I’ve come up with two solid concepts-
     The outer space one I told you about, it’d be superheroes protecting the galaxy at the behest of an interplanetary government from other superpowered beings. Something like “Dune with superheroes” My other concept is a little more down-to-earth: guy gets kidnapped, taken to a city, trained by the leader, fights the baddie. I’ll be sending the chapter one to the e-mail address next weekend if that’s still ok. Sorry it’s taking me so long, this semester is BRUTAL, lol

727. # B. Macon 14 Feb 2010 at 11:04 pm

     Okay, I’m looking forward to it. When you do send the chapter, please feel free to leave a comment here reminding me to look at it and I’ll get on it right away.
     
     Good luck with your semester. I’m anticipating a fairly difficult semester of my own from August-December. It’s my final term at Notre Dame and I will be telecommuting as an assistant editor.

728. # Bretton 14 Feb 2010 at 11:17 pm

     Thanks B. mac, and congrats on the editor gig!

729. # B. Macon 15 Feb 2010 at 12:32 am

     Thanks.

730. # Bretton 16 Feb 2010 at 8:04 pm

     Hey B.mac I finished the chapters, but I couldn’t help but notice some people on here talk about things other than superhero books. I saw a post that said how someone wants to write an ambitious epic fantasy. With that being said, I’d like to know you’d be willing to take a look at a space opera book I’ve been writing that uses the same characters. It is MUCH more developed as a story and I have a very detailed mythology in my head. As of right now I have atotal of thirty pages written not including the prologue. It’s a total of six chapters. ANY question you ask I should be able to answer. I’d be able to email it to you upon request.
     Let me know.
     Also, I’m sorry if I’m coming off a little rude, I certainly do not mean to.I just didn’t realize that there wer non-superhero related posts on the site and I’m REALLY passionate about this! I really hope everybody else asks questions like they did last time because I’d LOVE to hear everyone’s take.

731. # B. Macon 16 Feb 2010 at 9:25 pm

     Yeah, we do a lot of work with non-superhero novels here. However, I don’t have much (any) professional experience with space operas. If that’s okay with you, please feel free to e-mail me.
     
     However, if you’re looking for opinions from people besides me, it’d probably be a better idea to post a chapter here, on a review forum if you have one and anywhere else if you don’t. (I’ll just make you a forum and move it there).

732. # Bretton 17 Feb 2010 at 7:10 am

     Thanks man, I’ll email it to you. Just a couple of things I want to bring to your attention:
     1. There’s a slightly unclear transition, but it might ok FOR NOW being its a first draft
     2. There’s a chapter in there that may be too disability focused so I’d really like your opinion on that.
     3. Chapter One starts with him waking up because it picks up directing where the prologue left off but I don’t have the prologue with me.

733. # Bretton 18 Feb 2010 at 6:53 pm

     b.mac did you get a chance to read it yet?

734. # B. Macon 18 Feb 2010 at 8:23 pm

     Hello, Brett. I’ve e-mailed you my response.

735. # Kolbyon 19 Feb 2010 at 1:24 pm

     im trying to write a comic book at the ae of 14 and i need to come up with a superpower thats Orignal and i cant think of anything

736. # B. Macon 19 Feb 2010 at 1:42 pm

     I don’t think that the originality of the powers matters much. In almost every case, there will be previously published heroes/villains that share your character’s powers. That’s usually not a problem for publishers, as long as you put some thought into the character’s voice, personality, style, goals, problems, obstacles, etc.
     
     I’d recommend focusing less on whether your powers are unique than on whether they give you the ability to tell an interesting story.
     
     For example, right now I’m working on a nightsight-themed criminal. I that it will give me opportunities to mix things up for the heroes by cutting the power supply to the building.
     
     …
     
     Good luck getting published! If I could make a suggestion that would have helped me at 14, I think that it would have helped me to work on proofreading skills and practice writing as much as possible.

737. # Bretton 19 Feb 2010 at 8:08 pm

     Hey B.mac did you get my next email?

738. # Montyon 20 Feb 2010 at 10:29 am

     I want to give my superhero the ability to mentally controll gravity, but I do not know what all he would be able to do with that ability. Can you give me any ideas on how to showcase his powers?

739. # MOODYon 27 Feb 2010 at 7:21 am

     To Monty:

     Gravity can be used as following:

     1-It can move/fly objects
     2-bind other people
     3-make protection fields

     By emitting gravity from body you can:

     1-get people nearer or farer
     2-use it in offense
     3-expose objects/people to pressure

740. # Ragged Boyon 27 Feb 2010 at 12:49 pm

     One stolen laptop later…

     I’m back!

     Further expanding upon Moody’s input:

     - Creating two or more fields of opposite moving gravity would be capable of snapping people and objects in two.

     - Levitation by creating an upward flow of gravity.

     - Depending on how strong they can make the gravity they could create concussive blasts that could push a hole in a person or just push it.

     There’s probably many more things you could think of. Just use your imagination.

741. # B. Macon 27 Feb 2010 at 12:57 pm

     One of the minor antagonists on Static Shock used gravity control, or something like it, to try crushing people.
     
     In practice, I think that gravity control will probably be very similar to telekinesis. (The only difference I can think of is that many telekinetics cannot or do not use their powers to fly or levitate). I suppose one difference between TK and gravity control might be that gravity control is less useful at manipulating small objects in precise ways? A telekinetic or magnetic guy might be able to fight someone off with psychically controlled weaponry, but my guess is that the ability to control gravity wouldn’t give that sort of precision. (Or maybe it does. Your story is yours, obviously).
     
     PS: I’m sorry to hear about the laptop, RB.

742. # Ragged Boyon 27 Feb 2010 at 1:14 pm

     Luckily, my complex covers burglaries dues to having single-lock doors and a neighborhood with a “heightened” crime rate. I was able to get a new one in the old one’s exact image. Score!

743. # Bretton 28 Feb 2010 at 11:28 pm

     Hey guys! Very, very quick question, superstrength and teleportation with the latter being a mode of transportation more or less in the beginning but could be used as a catalyst for future stories down the line. What do you think?

744. # B. Macon 01 Mar 2010 at 3:25 am

     When you say a “catalyst for future stories down the line,” what do you mean? Could you give some examples?

745. # Ghoston 01 Mar 2010 at 1:54 pm

     Brett, are you talking about one character or two, because I think that those two powers would make the origin story for a single character rather difficult. However, you could use teleportation as a method of travel without to much trouble if the teleportation was a technological power. Kind of like superman and the boom tubes in the dc universe. Of course, you could always just make two characters and give each one a power. I think that having two characters would make the story more interesting.

746. # Bretton 01 Mar 2010 at 2:14 pm

     ghost, I’m talking two powers for one hero but one is relegated to more of a transportation method.
     As for the catalyst, I’m just spitballing here, but as he is teleporting, some villian shoots something at him so he splits in two. yin and yang. Maybe he gets lost in time in the process of teleportation. Also I should mention that he can only teleport HIMSELF from place to place. For example, lets say he teleports into a burning building. He can’t just grab someone and teleport them out he’d have to rely on his superstrength to remove obstacles and get him and the other person out of there

747. # Ghoston 01 Mar 2010 at 4:45 pm

     Brett,
     Ok, I get what you are trying to do now. However, the only thing I am concerned with now is the origin of his two powers. The only reason I bring this up is that they are such drastically different powers that you might have trouble getting your reader to “believe” in them. I mean, yeah, superman can get away with a ridiculous power set, but he is superman and he has been around a while so people just naturally accept his powers. For your character though, they might not be so forgiving.

748. # B. Macon 01 Mar 2010 at 5:07 pm

     I think that the restriction that his power can only work on himself will help you challenge the character. Also, if the character is on a team, it’ll also help you split them into smaller units, which will make action choreography more manageable.

     …

     I agree with Ghost that it might be an issue that superstrength and teleportation don’t really seem to mesh very well. A bit of in-story explanation may help. For example, perhaps his body hardened itself to survive the stress of traveling thousands of miles in an instant.

749. # Bretton 01 Mar 2010 at 7:43 pm

     Well… it’s not really a team, it’s more of a collabation between two characters and what protagonist learns along the way not only through teamwork but also working solo. I was thinking that it could be a potent mix of chemicals that gives him that power combo but I’m not sure yet. I would absolutely explain the origins through the context of the story, but I’m not 100 percent sure how to handle it yet.

750. # Ghoston 01 Mar 2010 at 10:03 pm

     Brett,
     Yeah that one really sounds like a tough combo. I think you are going to have your work cut out for you. Good luck.

751. # Auxilaryon 02 Mar 2010 at 5:40 pm

     I’ve been having trouble creating new characters whenever I make another story. Could you guys offer some constuctive criticism? I was given a few names from my cousin, Mysticgust because he discarded them:

     Joshua: Has the ability to become animal-like when in danger or in a fight. When he goes “animal” he is only operating on instincts and is completly ruthless. His senses become elavated to animal levels.

     Wayne : Ability to draw people to him emotionally and physically and want to protect and help him. Only works on a few people at a time.

     Brooke: Ability to shut off powers that affect peoples minds. It tires her out very qiuckly so that she is constantly sleepy and her power shuts off after several minutes. She usually uses her gift in bursts.

     Zack: ability to sense powers and weaknesses in others. Can cause people to not notice him for breif periods of time. ( He must move slowly while being ” unnoticed”)

752. # Bretton 02 Mar 2010 at 10:59 pm

     I was thinking he unknowingly touch someone with the ability to teleport and that person may also have the ability to transfer his powers to someone else but he can’t control when that happens. maybe the villan would kill the guy thus making the transfer permanent. For superstrength, maybe he was exposed to radiation in the hospital as a baby. Could I explain those gradually and not tell the reader from the outset? That way the hero learns the origins of his powers as the reader does

753. # Ghoston 02 Mar 2010 at 11:15 pm

     Brett,
     Um I think that could work, but I still think that a technologically based teleportation power would work better. Kinda like Cable has in the marvel universe. You could have it break or glitch, or even inaccurate. I recommend raading the new Cable comics after the Messiah complex to get a better idea of what I am talking about.

754. # Ghoston 03 Mar 2010 at 8:08 pm

     Auxilary,
     First off, I think that Wanye’s powes is to passive. It doesn’t really “do” anything. Remember you want your heroes to be doing the actions in the story, so that means you want their powers to doing things also. Wanye’s power could be problematic, because he won’t be the one doing anything. Other people will be doing it for him. I suggest you give him mind control or something along those lines.
     I would also recommend giving Brooke Zack’s first power. It makes sense to me that if Brooke can turn other people’s powers off that she would be able to sense their weaknesses as well.
     For Zack, I think that his “unnoticability”(is that even a word and if so did I spell it correctly) could work well. From your description, I imagine his powers as something like being mentally invisible to people as oppose to him actually turn invisible. Almost like him using a hypnotic suggestion to make people not notice him.
     I like Joshua’s power, but your description is a little unclear to me. Does Joshua change at will like a Lycan from underworld? Or is he like to hulk and he can only change when he is angry. I think that his powers could work either way.
     By the way, what are your character’s origin stories?

755. # Miss Mynaon 06 Mar 2010 at 8:53 am

     I always thought a cute power for a bookworm would have some sort of paper-kinesis… I’ve seen it a lot in anime where characters could control paper and wood and ended up telekinetically creating an origami army or something. It’s really cool. <3

756. # B. Macon 06 Mar 2010 at 9:23 am

     Also, the librarian protagonist of Read or Die! has paper-kinesis. It’s surprisingly versatile. I haven’t seen any origami armies yet, but she has escaped a crashing helicopter by making a hang-glider out of paper, which was a surprisingly intense action sequence for a cartoon.

757. # Tinon 06 Mar 2010 at 12:52 pm

     Thanks I needed super power names for my story! Thanks alot!

758. # Wingson 06 Mar 2010 at 1:13 pm

     Oddly enough, there was originally an end scene in HTSTW (This was the time before the sequels) designed to foreshadow the existence of superhumans other than the Specials, that mentioned a little girl making origami birds fly around her.

     I might bring her back in the maybe-sequel to Darkstar Rising or the Third Book, just because of the sheer awesome of an origami army.

     - Wings

759. # Miss Mynaon 07 Mar 2010 at 10:56 am

     Yeah… I have a bookworm character and I’m tempted to give him that power, though that’s probably anvilicious…

     Maybe give it to his brother? HE doesn’t read at all. XD

760. # Ragged Boyon 07 Mar 2010 at 12:23 pm

     Hello, Auxilary

     Here’s my input on you team.

     - First off, if this is a team I don’t think your powers are configured well enough. I believe there too much focus on support powers. As off now you only have two characters that could feasibly do combat. Also, Wayne’s powers are situational so that makes one all-time combatant, a part-time combatant, and two support members. I’d recommend reconfiguring their powers to make them a stronger team. A personal rule of mine is that each character should be capable of at least one type of combat.

     - Joshua’s powers are a bit vague. There are over 1 million animal species in the world and I’m hoping he’s not like each one. I’d recommend narrowing it down to one type of animal. Big cats, monkeys, reptiles, etc. I think cats are a bit generic, but a monkey warrior would be pretty sick if pulled off well.

     - I’d recommend going all the way with Wayne’s powers and give him empathy. Empathy encompassed what you said and makes his powers a little more whole. Also, to make him a bit more active I’d recommend givig him psychically produced weaponry. I think the combination would make him solid in and out of battle.

     - Brooke’s powers are a bit negative-heavy. They don’t apply to everyone, can only be used in bursts, and make her tired easily. I don’t know your setting so I’m not sure if her powers are effective or not. I want to recommend giving her a new power altogether. In my opinion, she seems a bit like an easy target with no offensive ability and a defensive powers that only works a percentage of the time.

     - I’d summarize Zack’s powers as detection. He can detect others powers and weaknesses and become indetectable. All in all, I thik his powers work out. You may mant to tweak him a little for combat effectiveness.

     - As a side note, I also recommend cleaning up your writing mechanics. I noticed a few grammar mistakes when editing your comment.

     What do you think? Hope this helps.

761. # auxilaryon 10 Mar 2010 at 6:00 pm

     This is very helpful , i have a few changes on the characters.
     I was thinking Brookes power might have been too powerful when i was creating her so i limited her severly. So after your comments I think I might alter her powers some. She could shut off all powers that invole anyones mind ( like telekenesis, but not superstrength) And making her be able to draw peoples energy slightly in combat to power her sheild. ( sleepy while not fighting). Okay in hand to hand combatants. I might limit her to knocking out everyones powers instead of only select people, but I might not.
     I think Zach’s ( zach not zack, misspelling above) power is okay. I’m not sure how to tweak his powers offensivly ( please help)
     Waynes power is basically having a few people, maybe one or two, become drawn emotionally to him for a short period of time. when they are drawn to him they want to protect him. Like wanting to help him to fight off someone/something. Ex. two gaurds helping him break into a jail ,while taking out other gaurds during it. (wayne wouldn’t be breaking into a jail anyway, but i pulled it off the top of my head) When the people come too (depending who they are) they could suddenly turn on him. The time it takes them to break free depends on their will strength. Okay at self defebse, well, good enough to protect himself until he either gains control of them or takes them out ( knock them uncounsious).
     After a while of thinking I thought that Joshua’s power would mainly be in the mind. He could have enhanced strength/ speed/ durability, but the main shift is in the mind. See, animals fight tooth and nail , completly ruthless tearing at throats and doing any thing to gain the upper hand. So maybe he could just, basically, become extreamly savage. Couple that with his other powers you would have a crazy strong, crazy fast, and crazy durable nearly sixfoot teenager, that wants nothing more than too tear your throat out. I was also thinking about adding a natural ability that would allow him to go on a “white run”, which would allow him to just go on instincts while trying to escape. Example, he could run up a wall for a few steps, then jump out in a flip typr thing, grab a bar swing up, stand on it then jump out of a second story window in like, half a second. change is voluntary unless he is attacked, kie an ambush, then its automatic.
     i will write their origin stories but i have to get off now. Thanks for any and all comments. I will help others who need assistance as well.

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