Aug 24 2007
Writing Titles that Sell (Novels and Chapters)
This site provides writing advice. If you're writing a superhero novel or comic book, please also read our superhero writing articles.
Would you like to subscribe to our RSS feed?
This article will cover how to write novel titles that sell and when/how to name your chapters.
Writing Novel Titles That Sell
Most readers will look at two things before deciding whether to shelf your book: your title and your cover-art. Of these, you control only the title.
What makes a title effective? They usually connect emotionally with readers (Heart of Darkness, Return of the King). Some may suggest an unusual premise or plot, like His Majesty’s Dragon or Superhero Nation. Others suggest an unusual reading experience (Barbara Bloodbath or Saddam Hussein and the Hippies from Space).
Building Emotional Connections
If your title doesn’t affect your reader, he will put your book down. How can you make your title more powerful?
Brainstorm a list of nouns that relate to your book– generally, effective titles depend on forceful and evocative nouns. For example, if you’re writing a book about a rebel, The Rebel would probably fail because it’s boring. What else is in your rebel book? Let’s say the rebel’s personal growth is an important theme. The Rebel’s Growth doesn’t work either, so let’s try using a thesaurus. Growth is a synonym of rise, which is a synonym of ascension. The Rise of the Rebel and The Rebel’s Ascension are both pretty strong.
Slight changes to your title’s structure can hugely affect its emotional impact. For example, The Return of the King is a great title, but The Returning King is absolutely awful. The words are the same, but the rhythm and style have changed.
You can also try tweaking your word-choice. “Return” and “King” both have great, robust sounds and flair. By contrast, “Homecoming of the Monarch” is lousy. Even though the literal meaning is identical, the sound is off. In addition to the sound and style, word-choice can also affect the mood and feel of the title. For example, His Majesty’s Dragon is different than The King’s Dragon because HMD suggests that the dragons are like the British navy, His Majesty’s Ships. Just from the title, you can tell that HMD has a lot of historicity and realism (except for the dragons, obviously).
Some works, particularly sword-and-spell fantasies, make the huge error of using a made-up word in the title. C.S. Lewis did not name his book The Chronicles of Narnia. His prospective readers haven’t heard of Narnia and won’t care about it. **Nothing is less likely to emotionally affect a potential reader than a word he hasn’t seen before.** Place-names are particularly weak. Character names are reasonably weak. As a rule, most character names are not strong enough to intrigue potential readers. (There are some exceptions, like Barbara Bloodbath).
Character names usually work better in chapter titles. By the time your readers are reading the chapter, they will have some emotional investment in the character. Something like “Paingod, Humanitarian” might intrigue you if you already knew that Paingod isn’t human and is humanitarian mainly as far as he’s not vegetarian. As a rule, character names that can interest prospective readers are typically a bit sinister and exotic (like Barbara Bloodbath, Paingod, Saddam Hussein, etc.) In contrast, names like Harry Potter are usually too boring to entice readers.
Suggests an Unusual Premise
There are two main reasons you would use a title to suggest your premise or plot.
One, your premise is so cool and fresh that it sells itself, like His Majesty’s Dragon.
Two, your premise is odd enough that you need to reach for a niche market. For example, Superhero Nation is targeting a specific niche of superhero-fans.
So why Superhero Nation? Nation suggests the book’s scope. Most superhero novels focus on a single superhero or a team of superheroes, usually working in a single city (usually NYC). We’re selling a nation, with rightwing nutjobs, pinko commies and at least one scientist transformed into a Pokemon-parody. “Nation” also sounds tough and more refined than “country.”
Suggests an Unusual Reading Experience
If you have something like Saddam Hussein and the Hippies from Space lying around, go for it! If you’re not at that level of style, a more conventional title will probably work better. Saddam Hussein is an extraordinarily eye-grabbing title, but that creates tremendous audience expectations of extraordinary writing. (Is it possible to write a book called “Saddam Hussein and the Hippies from Space” that satisfied our expectations? Probably not).
This kind of title is more prevalent in children’s literature. If your audience is older, a conventional title isn’t much of a liability.
Arouses Curiosity (Makes Reader Asks Questions)
This is another unconventional, risky approach. If your title makes your readers curious enough that they open the book, great. The key is giving them enough to wonder. So You Want to be a Honey Master works only if readers wonder what a Honey Master is. What about The King’s Death? Most readers probably won’t care who the King is or wonder why he died. Giving us more information might draw readers into the story. For example, The King’s Dead (but it was an Accident) is probably a winner.
Common Mistakes
1) Avoid wordy titles, particularly ones loaded with separate phrases. This will make it easy for your excited fans to tell their friends about your book. Unusually bizarre titles, like Saddam Hussein and the Hippies from Space, have more latitude here.
2) Your title must attract readers before they start reading. “Readers will really like this pun!” If the reader immediately makes prospective readers smile, OK (The Empire State Strikes Back). If readers will only understand the pun after reading your work, they won’t ever find out how witty your pun is… because they won’t open your book.
3) Avoid words unfamiliar to prospective readers. “But The Legend of Bjornistan will really draw readers!” Unless your audience is Bjornistani, it definitely won’t.
4) Avoid words that tell a prospective reader he has picked up a book. In 99% of cases, such words (like tale, legend, chronicle, story, ballad, fable, myth) are dead space. Your readers can see it’s a book. Words like legend are especially bad because they promise a level of epicness you will never, ever be able to deliver. The main exception to this rule is when your book is mock-epic. Something like The Ballad of the Drunken Squeegeeman might work, but The Ballad of the Samurai definitely would not.
When and How to Name Chapters
When: always. As a rule, all chaptered works should generally have named chapters. If your chapters aren’t titled, your table of contents will look this boring:
1. Chapter One: 1
2. Chapter Two: 25
Readers will see this page before your actual writing. Will they want to keep going? No. This is worse than professional blackjack. Let’s try a table that sells your work.
1. Don’t Vote! (It Only Encourages Them): 1
2. The Empire State Strikes Back: 25
3. A Hurricane of Coconuts: 47
4. Gotta Kill ‘Em All! (Enter the Hegemon): 59
Are you wondering what we can do with a chapter called “A Hurricane of Coconuts”? Then you’ll probably make it to chapter 3.
To recap, your table occupies extremely valuable space. In order, a typical reader will see the front cover, table of contents and dedications before they read the first page. Once he gets to page one, he will probably read a chapter or two before deciding whether to buy the book or put it back.
Likewise, if you dedicate your novel, your dedication must also sell the story to prospective readers. “I’d like to thank Jim and Bob and my wife and my dog” doesn’t cut it. Use your dedication to show us your writing style or foreshadow the story.
For example, Superhero Nation’s dedication is “I’d like to thank the Secret Service, Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence, Social Justice League and the Air Force Office of Special Investigations for being so open with a failed journalist.” This dedication cues readers to expect a bizarre work of pseudojournalism. How could the Secret Service and SETI possibly relate to the same story? What’s the Social Justice League? I suspect that many readers will want to learn more.
If you can’t foreshadow your work, at least show us your style. “I’d like to thank my wife for not killing me after editing 40 drafts of my work. And my dogs, Mangler and Sparky, because they’re the only thing between her and any second thoughts.”
If you can’t use your dedication to hook readers or sell your writing style, move it to the end of the book or delete it entirely.
Finally, I’d like to draw your attention to “About the Author,” because some readers will see it before they see the table of contents. Amusing or intriguing readers for a page is harder than it sounds.
1) Give only details that suggest you have something interesting or intelligent to say. Any sentence that fails to suggest your book will kick ass needs to go. “I like painting and live at home with my dog, Sparky,” needs to go because it doesn’t answer the ultimate question: why would you want to read my book? Remember, you’re writing a sales pitch, not an eHarmony profile. Try this: “The author is a political scientist that lives in Baghdad with his baby alligators, Mangler and Sparky.” That gives the author a sense of flair and style. DISCLAIMER: I obviously do not live in Baghdad with gators. (As a rule, swamp-dwellers aren’t fond of deserts, nor am I).
2) Most hobbies do NOT make the sale to prospective readers. “I enjoy paintball.” Lame. “I’m a nationally ranked paintball player.” Better. “I’m a Navy SEAL.” Kickass. What can you say about your activities that suggests your perspective on life is worth paying $10 for?
3) Be honest, even if you aren’t a Navy SEAL. If it makes you feel better about not being a SEAL, one of our contributors is a failed Air Force ROTC cadet.
4) Include an e-mail address and the URL of your website, if you have one. (If you don’t, get one.) You may also find it useful to spend a sentence describing your next project, but don’t go overboard. Focus on selling this book, not your next one.
Wow, always title chapters? I haven’t seen a serious novel with titled chapters or a table of contents since I was in grade-school. Let me just look at some of the award winning books on my shelf. Nope, no table of contents or named chapters. I call bullcrap on this one.
Hello, Fry! I looked at a few of the books on my shelf and found that most chaptered books tended to name the chapters, such as Harry Potter, the Narnia books, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, the Bible, Soon I Will Be Invincible, Walking with Dragons, etc. On my political science shelf, I also have “Profiles in Courage,” “Making the Corps” and “The Terror Presidency,” all with named chapters. I think that all these books are generally regarded to be of literary merit, and Profiles won a Pulitzer.
However, even if it were the case that not a single “serious” chaptered book had named chapters, I think it would be a sound move for the average novelist to name his. I think that most modern fiction, particularly fiction aimed to entertain a mass-market, is better served by a table of contents that looks interesting than a list of numbered chapters. I can only speak for myself, of course, but the witty table of contents for SIWBI had a major influence on me eventually purchasing the book.
Thanks for your comment.
@Fry:
Are you writing to win awards or are you writing to sell books? I think B. Mac and Cadet Davis provide mostly useful writing advice here, but I’d take it with the caveat that their implicit focus seems to be to help authors maximize their mass-market appeal rather than their chances of winning literary awards.
I agree with your point that named titles– particularly named titles that have an unusual style!– are likely to reduce the literary seriousness of a work. However, I think that B.M.’s point about making the table of contents a productive showcase for your work is a valid and probably more important consideration for mass-market authors. I agree with his factual premise that the large majority of chaptered books have tables of contents, and from there it seems at least plausible that making the table of contents more productive will promote sales.
Yours.
J.M.
Quoting Jacob:
I don’t think that’s right. I think the chapter and section titles for JFK’s Profiles in Courage established a serious style and foreshadowed the substance without adding a whiff of frivolity. I’d say that even if you were writing to win literary acclaim, naming your chapters costs you literally nothing except for your time.
I’d probably go farther than B.M. on this one, and say that not titling chapters is a mistake almost as bad as not naming the main character. The only reason I might not go that far is because you could probably get your book published without a table of contents. But why wouldn’t you want a table of contents? It will help readers navigate your book and can serve as a useful promotional tool… if your chapters are titled!
I do not believe in titled chapters, at least not for my own work. While books like Harry Potter can make use of chapter titles, I find that if I try to use them in my own fiction it either a) Seriously detracts from the mood (which is often melancholy), or b) accidentally makes a promise I can’t deliver. If it’s an epic work of fiction like Harry Potter or LOTR, a chapter title can make pretty justifiably grandiose statements about what’s going to happen next. However, if it’s my dramatic/sad YA novel about a couple of gay teenagers, it either interrupts the tone (if something problematic happens, a “And Now For Something Completely Different” title will kill it), or sets my writing up for failure (”The Most Amazing, Touching Love Scene Ever” is just inaccurate). I guess it’s that I just don’t know how in the hell to create them, let alone use them. Or possible, titling chapters isn’t always appropriate? Because when I think about my favourite books, no chapter titled books come to mind.
That’s a good point. With respect to B. Mac and Cadet Davis, whose writing advice is usually sound, chapter titles might not be as necessary as they argue. However, it is another tool at your disposal that might be worth considering.
If you’d like to try chapter titles, I’d recommend focusing on creating a hook that is merely an interesting statement about what will follow rather than a grandiose, hard-to-deliver claim. Instead of something epic like “The Most Amazing, Touching Love Scene Ever,” you might call it something like “Quiet Love.” Instead of “Something Completely Different,” you might allude to the problem at hand or even generally to a foreboding mood.
What do you think of these three titles for the first three chapters of my book?
Chapter One: Normality Is A Variable
Chapter Two: The Land of the Happy-Cake-Fairies
Chapter Three: Take A Picture, It’ll Last Longer
Chapter two’s title isn’t directly related to the plot, but I think it will make readers want to know what the heck is going on. It refers to a minor character who frequently daydreams, or goes into “the land of the Happy-Cake-Fairies”.
I like the first one and love the third one. (You might want to consider “Normal” instead of “Normality,” but I think either would be effective). My impression about the second is that it doesn’t have quite the seriousness of the other two and seems to be named after something that doesn’t sound all that important to the story. It’s, uhh, kind of hard for me to keep track of all the anonymous commenters now. Could you remind me what your manuscript is about? Is the second title in line with the tone of the book?
Mine’s the one about the guy named Isaac who came from a parallel universe and was put into foster care with humans. I left a comment of “Your Title Is Bad, But You Can Fix It (Part 7)”, and there’s a more full explanation there. From now on, I shall be known as the ReTARDISed Whovian. (I love Doctor Who!)
The second kind of fits with the tone of the book. It’s a bit more lighthearted than other superhero stories, and the main character makes little comments about the world around him and how “my actions don’t always come off as human as I’d like. Fortunately, in this society (I’m not sure about my own one), it just gets me labeled as a dork”.
I don’t know about “Normality is a Variable.” My positive interpretation would be that it gives the story an overly-intellectual tone (which might be misaimed, depending on who your target audience is). A more negative interpretation would be that it sounds pretentious.
You indicated above that the variation in normality here results from the main character’s species. That’s a fresh element and, I suspect, one that’s fairly marketable. I would just recommend making it a bit clearer. (For example, if we wanted to make a chapter trying to create some sort of dramatic tension between humans and our decidedly Floridan mutant alligator, we might call it something like “Gators are Like Humans (Just Awesomer)” or “Humans + Football Talent = Gators.” These two titles create whimsical and frivolous distinctions between alligators and humans (more awesome vs. less awesome and better at football vs. worse at football). I think those are well-tailored to our whimsical and frivolous superhero comedy.
Yeah, I guess. I tend to derive chapter titles for all my (amateur) works from in-chapter wording. Same with titles. It’s in first person, and in the first chapter, he tells us:
“My name is Isaac, and I’m sixteen years old. That’s pretty much where I would normally stop telling you about myself, if I was normal. For me, normality is a variable, depending on whether the independent variable is my own species or humans. But I have to tell you everything for anything to make sense, so get ready for a description of an interesting albeit unfortunate life.”
Ah, OK. Your passage makes it sound like the sixteen year old is decidedly cerebral. In that case, the intellectual tone of the chapter’s title probably isn’t a mismatch.
I finished another two chapters today. Their titles are:
Chapter Four: Save ‘n’ Sprint
Chapter Five: An Overwhelming Desire To Take a Nap
What do you think? And can you offer any good remedies for writer’s block? I want to be prepared when that curse strikes me down.
Thanks!
I’m decidedly intrigued by “An Overwhelming Desire to Take a Nap.” The word overwhelming works excellently there.
I didn’t like Save ‘n’ Sprint as much. It feels kind of like an in-joke that I don’t get. Is it a reference to something? If so, will your target audience get the reference?
As for writer’s block, I recommend forcing yourself to write until you’ve spent 60-90 minutes and have two pages done each day. Your pages don’t have have to be excellent, or even good. Don’t rewrite anything or waste too much time on description. After a month, you should have 60+ pages that will probably look something like a rough account of what the characters do. Then you can go back and do things like adding description and tinkering with the word-choice.
Well, save ‘n’ sprint is kind of like a dine ‘n’ dash, where you run out of a restaurant without paying. But Save ‘n’ Sprint is the chapter where Isaac makes his first rescue, and sprints away because he isn’t properly disguised and is afraid of someone seeing his face. So, he pulls a “save ‘n’ sprint”.
Thanks for the advice on writer’s block! I’m on a roll right now, but as always, I’ll be stricken with WB at some point.
The ReTARDISed Whovian
Hmm. That’s an interesting idea for a chapter, but I’m not sold on the title. It makes sense when you explain it, but you can’t really explain it before-hand to your readers. What do you think about something like “Fight and Flight”? (The fight is to save the girl, and then the flight is to get away from her).
That could work! Thanks!
I’m having trouble for a title for chapter six, though.
It’s after Isaac gets home from work and makes dinner for his foster family, they have some pleasant conversation which reveals a few things about each person, then the news comes on and there’s footage of Isaac’s first rescue. So he freaks a little because it was a spur of the moment thing and is afraid that someone might recognize him. Any suggestions? I’m tearing my hair out here.
Thanks!
“Even Superheroes Eat” or “Living the Lie,” maybe. I like LTL better because the heart of this chapter is probably less about them eating and more about him trying to live a double-life.
Okay, thanks! I like “Living The Lie” better, too.
What do you think of these?
Chapter Seven: In An Old Movie
Chapter Eight: Hey, Teacher! Leave That Freak Alone!
Chapter seven has this passage about the school he attends:
“We walked through the large wooden doors of our school, which had been built way back in first settler days. As a result, it was old and a bit creepy, which made me love it. It made me feel like I was in an old movie.”
Chapter eight is set in one of his classes, where his teacher doesn’t particularly like him. Plus it’s a bit of a reference to a song that a lot of people have heard. I know it’s kind of an in-joke that may be lost on a few people, but I like it.
I got the Pink Floyd reference, but I think that a lot of readers will feel like they’re missing something if they didn’t know what the reference was to. I suspect that it would be more effective to make the title just “Leave that Freak Alone!” Either way, I like the concept quite a lot, but the shorter version might be a bit more accessible to younger readers.
I don’t think I’m getting a strong vibe off “In An Old Movie.” What happens in the chapter?
“In An Old Movie” was the best chapter title I could derive from the events, but here’s a brief summary so you can maybe suggest a couple. My original idea was to call it “The Promise of Waffles”, but I thought it was a bit odd.
There’s a brief paragraph to show his unwillingness to drag himself out of bed because he’s tired and is dreading the fact that people will be talking about the new superhero at school. The description of his routine isn’t long, it’s about three sentences of him getting his uniform out, grabbing some breakfast and other stuff you do to prepare for school. Then he has to coax his foster sister into getting up by offering to make waffles, and after that he has to practically shove her out of the door so they can walk to school. After he leaves his sister at the primary school, he meets his friends at the school gates where we learn that one of them is crazy about trading cards and action figures, and that the other is slowly becoming obsessed with the Guardian. Of course, this annoys Isaac because he doesn’t want to be the Guardian. Then they go in and grab their books for their first class.
Maybe “Getting Schooled,” particularly if you’re big on slang. I like the flavor of “The Promise of Waffles,” but if waffles aren’t the core of the chapter then it’s probably a red herring. Here are some other thoughts that bubbled to the top of my mind… “That Time of the Day,” “The Morning After,” “The Bus Stops for No One.” If you’re into bad literary puns, you might like “The Schoolbell Rings for Thee.”
Ooh, I like “The Schoolbell Rings for Thee”.
How about these?
Chapter Nine: Babies Dribble Better
Chapter Ten: Beat Up The Bad Guys
Chapter Eleven: The Secret Identity Of A Superhero
Chapter eight’s set in PE class, and they’re playing basketball.
Chapter nine is Isaac talking to his friends and they say “…People will start blaming him for not being there to beat up the bad guys and save the innocent…”
Chapter ten is a girl figuring out who he is.
Thanks!
Erm, I mean chapters nine, ten and eleven!
Nine’s set in PE class, and they’re playing basketball.
Ten is Isaac talking to his friends and they say “…People will start blaming him for not being there to beat up the bad guys and save the innocent…”
Eleven is a girl figuring out who he is.
Hehe, stupid mistake. Silly me.
Hmm.
“Beat Up the Bad Guys” feels refreshingly straight-forward. On the other hand, if the chapter is mostly about Isaac talking to his friends, the readers might feel a bit jilted. BUTBG would probably be more appropriate for an action-heavy chapter.
I feel that “The Secret Identity of a Superhero” has potential. It may be more rhythmic as “The Hero’s Secret Identity” or “The Superhero’s Secret Identity” but I suspect that the title would also benefit from a verb. Perhaps something like “Don’t Blow Your Cover,” “Blowing Cover” or “Don’t Blow Your Secret Identity” would be more forceful.
I think the phrase “Babies Dribble Better” is a pun that may be a red herring. The chapter isn’t really about drooling babies, is it? I think it would be better to allude to why the basketball game matters to this character and story. For example, if he needs to win at basketball to impress the girl, then making a cheesy pun with the word “court” might be appropriate. You can court a girl and basketball’s played on a court, right? Sigh. Yeah, it’s pretty bad. :)
In chapter nine the girl he saved recognises an ink stain on his hand while they’re playing basketball. (He was at work just before he saved her, and the pen leaked when he was signing in).
Chapter ten is mostly him talking to his friends, and at one point mocks superheroes by putting on a deep voice and saying: ” ‘I’m a superhero. I act all tough and save innocent people, but I’m really a loser’.” There is a part where he explains how his friend is teaching his other friend how to play a trading card game.
“Half the time Will was racing on about his television shows, and we just smiled and nodded, having no idea who the hell Kristy Suffolk was and what she was doing in the Kingdom of Giogani. I just hope he doesn’t ask us to recount the series to him, because I just plain don’t know my Grunds from my Hirlins. All I know is that one of them is blue and can sing, while the other is green and lives in a swamp. Those wacky Grunds and Hirlins. Or is it Hunds and Grirlins? Meh.”
Chapter eleven switches for first person to third, to explain how the girl was eavesdropping on him and his friends for more evidence to back up her suspicions. She overhears him speaking in the deeper voice, and recognizes it because he used it as part of his disguise.
Can you make any suggestions that would fit with those? Thanks!
Readers may be a bit disorientated by a switch from first-person to third-person. One way in which you could accommodate the eavesdropping angle within his first-person story is by having him talk and then realize that she’s eavesdropping on him. He might notice that she’s sort of following him around as well and deduce that she may know more than she’s letting on. I think that what she knows is not as interesting as what he thinks she knows. If this chapter were told from his perspective, we might also see what he does about her. If I were him, I’d want to find out more about a person that might know my identity. Is she the sort of girl that talks a lot? Is this going to be a security problem? I think this sort of setup would lend itself very nicely to a paranoid-sounding title like “Watch Your Back” or “Guardian, Guard Thyself.”
Okay, thanks! I’ll have him notice her and freak out.
I renamed chapters nine, ten and eleven, and have just finished a couple more chapters. How about these?
Chapter Nine: The Ink Stain of Truth
The girl he rescued (Amy-Belle) notices the stain and begins to believe that he’s the Guardian.
Chapter Ten: What If She Knows?
He sees her eavesdropping on his conversation with his friends.
Chapter Eleven: The Hero’s Secret Identity
She overhears him talking in a deeper voice, the one he used when saving her.
(I need help with this title.)
Isaac gets a call from his friend to tell him that footage of the first rescue shows that he can fly, and that it couldn’t possibly be a hoax. Of course, Isaac knows that already.
Chapter Thirteen: Burn, Baby Burn! Textile Inferno!
Isaac does another rescue, pulling a man out of a fire in a textile factory.
Chapter Fourteen: Me Sick
Isaac overdoes it with his powers during the fire, and falls ill because of it. He forgets one minor thing (What he ate before seeing the fire on the news), but later recalls it. His memory-lapses will get worse as time wears on.
Chapter Fifteen: Her Constant Stares
He is stared at by Amy-Belle all day at school.
Chapter Sixteen: Ignorant Girls With Harmful Information = Uh Oh
Amy-Belle gets ahold of his diary.
So, what do you think? Thanks!
Ack, I just noticed these. Here are some belated comments.
The Ink Stain of Truth. I think adding the phrase “Of Truth” gives it a very campy feel. If you’d like it to be more sober, you might consider just making the title “The Ink Stain.” I think that’s strange enough that it might be interesting.
What if She Knows? I like this.
The Hero’s Secret Identity. I think this needs more flair. You might try “Keep Your Friends Close,” particularly if they have been friendly up to this point.
Burn, Baby Burn! Textile Inferno. I love disco as much as anyone, but I think the reference to Disco Inferno is a red herring. If you want a campy pun, I recommend something like “Up Your Arson.”
I know “Me Sick” isn’t supposed to be proper English, but even so it’s a bit hard to read. Also, I don’t get the connection between his amnesia and the incorrect English. I’d recommend something like “Memory Overload.”
Her Constant Stares. I like this.
Ignorant Girls With Harmful Information = Uh Oh. This feels kind of campy. Maybe try “Why Guys Shouldn’t Write Diaries.”
What does the ROTC in “Air Force ROTC Cadet” stand for?
Reserve Officers’ Training Corps. It’s one of the programs that commissions military officers.
Word on the street is that Cadet Davis left Air Force because his sadistic evaluations tended to make his subordinates burst into tears. Now, when he feels the need to tear into someone, he opens up a manuscript.
[CADET DAVIS ADDS: No comment.]
Okay, thanks! Any recommendations for the title of chapter twelve? I can’t think of any.
I named the next few, too.
Chapter Seventeen: Please Excuse Me While I Go Freak Out
Isaac finds out that the small in-school Guardian fanclub is growing, and that they’ll all be watching him for signs to his secret identity.
Chapter Eighteen: The Goddess of Marionettes
Amy-Belle is reading his diary to gain insights into his life and get closer to him, using him like a puppet.
Chapter Nineteen: A (Un)Pleasant Surprise
Amy-Belle asks him out, and he reluctantly agrees. But he’s relieved, believing that she was staring because she had a crush on him.
Chapter Twenty: Mix And Match
Amy-Belle is with her friend as they sort out an outfit for her date. She wants to conform to his standards, and Morgan is a little suspicious.
Chapter Twenty-One: A Walk In The Park
They go to the park and wander around, and Amy-Belle reveals a few details of her life.
What do you think? Thanks!
“Please Excuse Me While I Go Freak Out.” I love this.
The Goddess of Marionettes. Hmm. I’m not feeling it. What do you think about “Top Secret”? (The contents of his diary are top secret).
A (Un)Pleasant Surprise. This feels a little bit awkward. You could try something like like The Question or The [Adjective] Question. Alternatively, if the issue is whether the experience will be pleasant or not, you might work in the word dilemma.
Mix and Match. I like this title. However, the content seems very different than a lot of the novel thus far (and it’s only one of a handful of chapters where she’s the lead). There are also demographic issues. Are the people that enjoyed the first few chapters and the premise going to enjoy this chapter? My guess is that this chapter is very well-tailored for female readers, but that feels like a shift in audience. Please see #44 here, particularly the point about switching main characters. One way you could stay clear of an audience shift is making it clear earlier on that the story is as much about her as it is about him. (That’s significant enough that you’d probably mention it on the backcover).
A Walk In The Park. I like this title, but I think the chapter may feel slowly-paced if the dramatic content is mostly her revealing her backstory. Readers would probably find that more interesting if she were the main character. I’d recommend focusing on the date itself (and maybe his lingering suspicions about her, if he has any) to characterize the two of them rather than her backstory. Otherwise it may feel like he’s kind of disappearing from the story.
For your chapter 12, I’d recommend something like “Newsflash” or, for a cheekier tone, “The Newsflash That Wasn’t.”
Prospective chapter titles. I think I may need help.
Chapter 1: On the Origin of Heroes
Chapter 2: Hidden Potential *OR* Either They’ll Become Knights or Die Trying
Chapter 3: The Holvistran *OR* They Might Not Make It Out Alive
Chapter 4: Zicaron- The Final Problem *OR* A Whole New World (They Just Didn’t Have a Clue)
Chapter 5: The Academy *OR* We Made It This Far (Let’s Hope Josh Doesn’t Fail)
What do you think?
Could you describe what happens in each of these chapters in a few sentences, Brett?
Certainly. Why didn’t I think of that? (slams head into table)
Chapter 1: On the Origin of Heroes
Book Opens. Alex and his brothers are caught in a feud with their female cousins. During the course of the battle Alex and Karen (leader of the girls) start fighting and discover their powers. Parents come home, DON’T freak out, explain what happened and reveal that they are part of a secretive order that enlist people with powers to protect the world. They then tell he kids that after training, they wil be sent to an academy for further guidance.
Chapter 2: Hidden Potential *OR* Either They’ll Become Knights or Die Trying
The kids begin their training under their uncle Raphael, who is nothing less than a near abusive taskmaster. story then skips forward to the last part of their training, explaining the rest in flashbacks from Alex. In the final part of their training they are sent into an ACTUAL (not VIRTUAL) reality generator called the Holvistran (holographic virtual reality, sophisticated tactile response reproduction, and trans-dimensional replication) in pairs to discover their powers. Alex and Karen get stuck with each other.
Chapter 3: The Holvistran *OR* They Might Not Make It Out Alive
The kids go on various adventures to help them discover their powers. Alex and Karen spend most of the time fighting. During the fight LAex transfers some of his energy into a lump of metal (with the help of a lightning bolt) and makes a sword, proceeding to whup Karen’s a** with it. His father intervenes and scolds them. They are then sent on a quest to make a power staff for Karen so both of hem will have weapons. Meanwhile, Xavier (Alex’s dad) decides eeryone else isn’t learning fast enough so he devises an alternative program.
Chapter 4: Zicaron- The Final Problem *OR* A Whole New World (They Just Didn’t Have a Clue)
Alex’s & Karen’s brothers and sisters are teleported to a vast plain for no apparent reason. Xavier explains that this entire time they have been in the real world, in the land of Zicaron to be precise. He then says they must face him in combat. He’s wearing an exosuit so their no match for him. Meanwhile Alex & Karen are off fighting a fire demon. When they get back, they help their siblings defeat Xavier, who congratulates them. He then tells them to end their feud, which they do, but surprisingly enough, not by fighting. Alex and Karen shake hands and resolve their differences. Xavier says that this was their final test and they are ready for the academy.
Chapter 5: The Academy *OR* We Made It This Far (Let’s Hope Josh Doesn’t Fail)
(Not written yet) Alex, Karen and company arrive at the academy. Since they are in different levels, they will have to split up. It gets kind of emotional here. Alex then leaves to get acclamated to the new place. He then meets several other important characters, including Amorelia and Auringel (disguised as the school’s Headmaster), and the main plot begins.
What do you think now? Sorry for the wordiness, but its hard to condense into a sentence. I think my plot may get too complicated in later parts. Also, this book has humor, but its not completely comedic, so I’d like to get a mix of serious and not-so-much titles. I would not want my auddience to make light of a climax becuase of a goofy title, but I also don’t want the titles to be boring. Also, the reason for title number five is that I consistently characterize Alex’s brother Josh as being lazy and a goofball. Thanks a WHOLE bunch!
Perhaps I should revise this comment. It looks a bit intimidating.
I added line-breaks, so your comment looks a lot less scary.
Thanks. So what do you think?
OK, the first chapter doesn’t strike me as too light-hearted in tone (ahem, a superpowered fight). I think “On the Origin of Heroes” is a bit long and strikes me as reminiscent of Darwin’s “On the Origin of Species.” Unless you’re writing a really cerebral book aimed at the readers that will get the reference, I’d recommend tweaking it. For example, maybe “Origins,” “Revelations,” “Emergence,” “That Wasn’t Supposed to Happen!” or “Young Blood.” For a more comical feel, you could try “Whoops” (with or without an exclamation).
Chapter 2. I’d recommend avoiding the prominent use of words like “knights” in a novel that’s closer to sci-fi than fantasy. I like the word “virtual” because it’s very sci-fi. Perhaps “Virtual Training, Actual Pain” (you could replace “Training” with Fights), or “Forcing The Lock” for a more literary feel. (Someone’s hidden potential has to be unlocked, and it sounds like Raphael is trying to force the lock open). For a more comical feel, you could try “Say Uncle,” which is another wordplay.
Chapter 3. Maybe “Picking up the Slack.” For a more whimsical feel, you could try something like “When Life Gives You Lumps, Make a Katana.”
Chapter 4. I think “A Whole New World” is good, but the Aladdin reference seems like a red herring. Maybe you could try something like “Clueless” instead. (Clueless was a movie, but the word is generic enough that readers probably won’t make the association). Or maybe something like “Welcome Back… Kind of”.
Chapter 5. Maybe “A Poor Plan” (ie relying on Josh) or “The Wrong Time to Fail” (right when they get to the academy). Alternatively, you could just call this chapter “The Academy.”
I’m not sure that I’m getting the feel of the book right. Let me know what you think. If these aren’t quite the right vibe, I can try again.
Did the line-break work? In hindsight, I’m not sure if these comments allow guests to use HTML, but I know our contributors (me, Davis, Jacob, Paingod) can.
The book is actually more fantasy than sci-fi. Originally, the training was an actual simulation. I made it real so the experience would be more visceral, and also to cut out the extra sci-fi. Their teleportation actually has a natural (pseudo-magical) explanation. Originally I wanted to mesh fantasy and sci-fi, but later I figured that would be too difficult, so I’m focusing mostly on the fantasy aspect. the sci-fi aspect shows up at most 5 times:
1. The beginning
2. Later Alex is assigned to track down a dangerous vigilante and the supercriminal he’s hunting
3. A friend of Alex’s is a computer genius
4. Friend of Alex’s is ridiculously rich and she owns an exo-suit (built by the aforementioned genius)
5. Alex and the genius kid, Tony Martin, build a basic glider-style flying machine. In this world, flying machines are considered to be impossible, but in reality they are but because of the decline of the human race, man has forgotten the knowledge. This may be scrapped.
The way I reconcile these aspects are that there are actually two lands: Terra (Man’s Earth) and Zicaron (the Elderworld, populated by elves and the like.) Nearly ALL sci-fi takes place in Terra and nearly ALL fantasy takes place in Zicaron. There is relatively little criss-crossing so it’s easier to follow. Also the reason I used “knights is because Alex and company are training to become members of the “Divinely Ordained and Noble Order of the Knights of Telessar (the Sign of the Phoenix)”. Think of it as a fantasy Knights Templar that protects the world through superpowered agents. They’re also called the “Knights” or “Telessars”. Derrogatory terms include the “KOT’s” and the “capes”. (in-joke: regular police = cops, Knights = capes). Also, due to past events, the majority of mankind does not know that Zicaron exists. I hope I helped you get the right vibe. The plot’s pretty…unique. Your thoughts?
I think it worked.
Hmm. Yes, your plot is very unique. Geographically isolating the sci-fi will help, but I suspect that the mix of sci-fi and fantasy elements in the same book will still make the book tricky to sell.
First, if the story starts out as (apparently) sci-fi, the readers that stick around after a few chapters are going to be mostly sci-fi fans. Then, when you switch to a fantasy setting for the rest of the book, they will probably feel like they’ve been baited-and-switched. (For a real-life example, it’d be like putting a few classical-rock songs at the front of a rap CD).
Second, on a practical level the book has to be stocked on either the fantasy shelf or the sci-fi shelf at a bookstore.
Third, of the three main settings of superhero story (futuristic sci-fi, present real-world and medieval fantasy), I think that medieval fantasy is probably the hardest to do. Typically, these stories eschew the superhero label altogether and just present themselves as straight-up fantasy. For example, Eragon isn’t a “superhero,” but he has a lot of the characteristics of a superhero. He has an origin story that suddenly pulls him from normal to incredible, extraordinary combat skills, a cool mode of transportation and a sidekick (his dragon). If Eragon were set in a more contemporary time, there’s no question that he would be a superhero.
I’d like to pitch some prospective chapters. Looking through some comics I own, it looks like they have about six chapters per issue. Here are mine.
1) “The City of Failures”-This chapter introduces Comet City as well as Aadrello, both of which being failures. Aadrello having failed in life, so far, being a college dropout and being denied entry into Raggs graffiti gang as well as some more of his most memorable failures. Comet City failing economically, due to the malfunction of its “revolutionary” energy generators (haven’t named them yet). In addition, the city lost its’ vibrant culture and became a graffiti-infested dump and later sunk into a depression.
2) “Tags Over Tags-Total Disrespect”- After his hasty rejection by the Raggs, Aadrello takes it upon himself to show Comet City “what art really is”. He dons a costume (precursor to his superhero-dom) and becomes A.Arty the tagger who discredits the Raggs by tagging over their tags (the most sincere form of disrespect in the graffiti world). They finally catch him in the act and a short fight and on foot chase scene ensues. He gets away in the end.
3) “A Sketchbook with A Name?”-While out another night, in his continuing discredation of the Raggs, he is spotted by the police. Not only do they want to catch him they want to find out who this A.Arty is. Another chase ensues( I know you’re thinking another one, geez, but this one is far more “epic”). This is the chase in which he trips over the Animata (a mystic, time-traveling sketchbook) and takes it. After eluding the “Poe-Poe” he goes to his “home” and later notices that the book is empty and has a name on it “Animata”. He thinks “Awesome, new sketchbook”
4)”Jumping Off The Pages” After having drawn a few thing in his new “sketchbook”, he wakes up to see the few drawings he did roaming the empty house. Terrified, he runs from the house to any empty parking lot (or some place vacant). He thinks he’s going crazy when he hears a voice in his head talking to himm and see the Animata laying on the ground before him. The voice ,which he has no choice but to accept, tells him how to summon basic things from the book. Mr. Mantis whom he summons is the instructor for the book, he explains why Aadrello was chosen. Also, that the Animata is chosen for artists with something deep down that sets them apart and its purpose it to help those artist realize their dreams.
5)”Apprenticeship? Yeah Right” Mr. Mantis offers to teach Aadrello how to further use the Animata through apprenticeship, appalled by the thought of working under someone he can see(he didn’t mind Raggs becuase the leader is mysterious and cool), he refuses with a “Yeah right”. After a later confrontation with the Raggs, A.Arty/Aadrello is pummeled and unmasked, in anger agrees to Mr. Mantis’ proposal. The rest of the chapter goes through the rigorous and odd training of the Animatan (Animata user).
6)”Raggs, Revenge, and Rays” After learning the fundamentals of the Animata, that had magically transfered his older drawings into itself, he decides to become A.Arty again to exact his revenge against the Raggs. In a battle between the powerless Raggs members and Aadrello,after realizing the the members won’t stay down, it is revealed that they are under mind-control of the Raggs leader, who personally offers Aadrello a spot in the gang. Upon refusal, the Raggs leader, who is obviously demented, tries to kill Aadrello. While in the middle of fighting an ominous blue light is cast upon the city. The Cyborn Moon floats over the city and attempts to destroy it with vaporizing rays, Aadrello runs away from the rays and is finally trapped on the roof of the Halo’s Tower. He jumps trying to use the rapid emotion to summon something for an escape( powers are effected by emotion), he does but passes out and is wisked away to a desolate nearby planet. He awakes confused and scared in the middle of nowhere. that’s the end of the first issue
The next issue, if published, is when he actually becomes “Sketch” and meets Mz. Corpse and Emerald and the story kicks off. What do you think? I need help with the title of this first issue.
In that case, I would classify this story as fantasy. I have already limited the sci-fi elements’ appearance as noted, and the part at the beginning isn’t really sci-fi. The teleportation is naturally(pseudo-magically) explained, and the presence of technology doesn’t necessitate it being classified as sci-fi, does it?
Edited Quote (Note the parentheses and asterisks):
1. The beginning (NOT true sci-fi)
2. Later Alex is assigned to track down a dangerous vigilante and the supercriminal he’s hunting (Can be altered to be less sci-fi)
3. A friend of Alex’s is a computer genius (NOT really sci-fi if you think about it)
4. Friend of Alex’s is ridiculously rich and she owns an exo-suit (built by the aforementioned genius, again not really TOO sci-fi)
5. Alex and the genius kid, Tony Martin, build a basic glider-style flying machine. In this world, flying machines are considered to be impossible, but in reality they are. *However,because of the decline of the human race, man has forgotten the knowledge.* This may be scrapped. (It’s a glider, not an x-wing, and there’s no space travel or supresonics involved, so again not sci-fi. Powered flight doesn’t come till later)
If you could please suggest ways to tone down the sci-fi I’d be grateful. I just don’t want my human countries to be reduced to a Carvahallish cliched middle ages existance.
Hmm, Brett. I’ll think about ways to tone down the sci-fi. It’s sort of a convention that combining sci-fi elements with elements of high fantasy is very, very difficult. The audiences don’t necessarily overlap very well and the parts of the story might not feel consistent even though the plot itself is relatively consistent. For example, Saint George stories feel very different than the sci-fi action movie Reign of Fire, even though both stories revolve around humans fighting with dragons.
I was warned of this. Well, if it helps you think: here’s a point-by-pont list of sci-fi elements I’ve included or thought of so far:
Alex and Karen build a Hydrosphere Assault cannon and a Repulsion Ray to fight each other.
The kids are trained in a hi-tech underground facility (may be indispensable)
The kids are teleported to Zicaron (I explain this as using NOT magical energy, so it’s technically not sci-fi)
Xavier fights the kids in a power suit until it gets destroyed.
Tony Martin is a computer genius.
Veronica Pandora Nobel (super-rich girl) wears an exo-suit which is her source of powers besides her meta-genetic enhancement.
S.A.R.A.H. is a fully sentient, intelligent robot that used to be Tony’s older sister until she was diagnosed with a terminal illness which cause tony to transfer her mind into the robot (which can mimic nearly all human functions. I said he was a genius.)
They use guns in Terra.
The vigilante Alex is assigned to track down was the son of a mob lord. The villain was a bigger mob lord who went insane after an incident with a cryogenetic reassembler (help!) and became Jack Frost aka The Count of Cold aka Sleet von Hail aka Arcticus Maximus aka HELP! Corny villain name alert! The objective is that Alex sees how a life of revenge has warped the vigilante guy. Please help me find a way to accomplish this plot point without much sci-fi or corniness.
I’ll post more when they occur to me.
Ragged Boy, I like your approach with his origin story. It reminds me somewhat of the first spider-man movie. I also find no flaws with your plot except that I can find no reason that Aaderello would reject Mr. Mantis at first.
Quote: ” appalled by the thought of working under someone he can see(he didn’t mind Raggs becuase the leader is mysterious and cool)” Explain please?
The conflict with the Raggs leader also seems to be unresolved. I would either have them finish the fight, make it clear that he died in the cyborn moon attack, or have him return later. Readers might expect the last one if you leave his fate unclear. If you don’t want a (Villain’s name here) Strikes Back plot, either because of clicheness or because Aaderello will be too powerful for him, you could always have him return as an ally. That is rarely expected (except in Dragonball Z, where it is a plot staple.) As an explanation for this I offer that witnessing the destruction wreaked by the Cyborn Moon caused him to realize how petty his existence is and dedicate what remains of his life to something meaningful. Only downside to this is that you’d have to explain how he escapes the planet. A good “Villain returns” plot would be to have him return as an agent of the Cyborn moon. It’s not unprecidented (see 80’s galvatron), but its also not cliched.
Also, this plot is a great excuse for star wars one-liner spoof.
Example:
“That’s no moon.”
“Yes it is!”
“Really? Let me get my telescope and-”
“No time for that! Run!”
Suppose, I characterize my human nations as being more like our ancient empires (Egypt, Rome, Incas, Babylon, etc.) rather than futuristic societies? that way I could keep some technology and eliminate the sci-fi. I mean, atlantis had technology right? I just have to explain the tech differently. People are usually open to ancient empires having access to advanced technology, even if it appears to be magic. Example: the countless booby traps Indiana Jones encounters. Your thoughts?
I’ve seen three kinds of stories that integrate magic and technology well:
1) Steampunk stories like the Arcanum computer game. By making technology something that (usually) dwarves/gnomes/industrialized humans do, it helps the technology fit into a setting that also has a lot of magic.
2) Real-world magical stories, like the Dresden Files or Harry Potter (which doesn’t dwell on human technology, but it’s set in the real world). Magic is usually explained as a subset of the real world. Typically it’s something that only a few people do, frequently hidden from the rest of the world.
3) Stories with technology so advanced that it’s essentially magical (many Atlantis stories). Very hard to do well.
I’m not sure if you understand that he survives the attack and goes to another planet. So you mean make it seem like he died and the Raggs and their leader are killed by a vaporizing ray right in front of Aadrello. Raggs will have no return they got oblierated. The reason he doesn’t want to work under Mr.Mantis is that he feels he’s too good to work under someone, he was okay with the Raggs becuase they were popular. It’s like high school, why hang out with the nerdy kid in the corner when you can chill with the popular clique?
Yo, B.Mac, Cadet Davis, Jacon will you review my chapters they are up there somewhere (Brett, I appreciate your comments and your help, and I don’t mean any disrespect when I say I need one of them to review it too)
No offense taken. I am likewise looking for one of them to help me out with this sci-fi issue.
For a title, I’d offer “Raggs, Tags, and Near Certain Death”. Or perhaps “Tag, You’re Dead”. If you wanted to emphasize your character’s nature, maybe “Bright Stars and Dirty Raggs”.
Brett, what do you think about steampunk? I think that would be the easiest way to reconcile the incongruent feel of advanced technology (like exo-suits) with more fantastical elements like magic and elves and stuff. Alternatively, if you’d like to do a more modern story, Shadowrun did a pretty good job of integrating elves/dragons/orcs into a gritty near-futuristic setting. Giving the world an origin story helped Shadowrun explain the presence of magic in a high-tech setting (Shadowrun’s set in the real world and the story kicks off with everything going to hell when fantasy races emerge among the human populace).
So it’s not impossible to integrate sci-fi elements into a story that has fantasy elements. But you will have to work to ensure that the elements of your story that aren’t conventional fantasy (powersuits, computer geniuses, robots, caped crusaders, etc.) fit in the story in a somewhat coherent way. I think that B. Mac may have hesitated to help because the most obvious advice– what an editor will probably lean towards– is “pick either sci-fi or fantasy and cut the other.” No one wants to get (or give) advice like that, but I have significant concerns about whether it is feasible to get an audience on board for a story that has significant elements of both. Genre-bending well isn’t impossible, certainly, but it is very hard.
My story has very few sci-fi elements. Do you think that perhaps if I presented those elements differently, then they wouldn’t feel so out of place? Perhaps my human empires use traditional weaponry (swords, bows, etc.) but have access to advanced versions. (Like star wars only toned way down and no space travel.)
If necessary I may need to change my compuer genius into a mechanical genius. As for S.A.R.A.H. I think I can explain that as he discovered a new science (ridiculously advanced robotics) by combining his mech knowledge with elvish power and finesse.
i.e.- crude human mechanics + elvish NOT magic = advanced robot.
As for exosuits, I think they may end up as advanced armor, perhaps also undergoing the elvish treatment. In order to restore the element of power that chracter lost, I could give her expert fighting skills, and meta-human enhancements.
Do you think readers will accept this?
I feel very lost by the tangent about fantasy/sci-fi genrebending. Even if I knew anything about whether genrebending worked (and/or under what conditions it could work), I doubt I could offer much because the extent to which Brett’s book has sci-fi elements seems very murky. Could we move on to some other issue?
Yeah, new subject like the six chapters I’ve posted, those are up there just waiting for a review.
I cracked up typing this.
I’m very sorry, but I’d rather not review your work. If you’re unhappy about the pace at which we’re reviewing your work, why not try finding someone else? I recommend online writing workshops, friends or teachers.
I’m passing as well.
I think I can look at your chapters within the next week or so, Ragged Boy. Work has been hectic. If you require immediate assistance, I can suggest a few reasonably priced book doctors.
Also, aren’t you writing a comic book? Do comic books typically have chapters?
Haha! Very well then. Question: do you think it would be better to define fictional words in footnotes, on-page inserts, or glossary. I’ll have a glossary for sure, but wanted to do omething to decrease the inconvenience of always flipping to the back of the book. That was something that bugged me when reading Eragon and Eldest even more than the plot.
P.S. Sorry about the tangent, I was just kinda concerned is all.
Hi, Brett. I like footnotes a lot– we use them extensively in our novel– but they may add an air of pretentiousness. We tried to avoid that by lacing them with humor. For example, I think our footnotes were pretty funny and effective in Gotta Kill ‘Em All!. Terry Pratchett also uses footnotes; his footnotes are hilarious and don’t distract from the story.
I can’t think of any novels that used footnotes without humorous intent. I suppose if your novel were really serious and cerebral, using straight-up footnotes (like reminding a reader what an Elvish word translates into, for example) may work.
I think a glossary is a great start, but I agree that it can be a bit cumbersome for readers to use it frequently. You can help readers wean themselves off the glossary with on-page context clues and by crafting fictional words that sound very intuitive. For example, Dungeons and Dragons has two races called “terrasques” and “mind flayers.” Readers shouldn’t have too much trouble remembering that a terrasque is a giant behemoth and that mind flayers are psychic predators.
Also, could you clarify what you mean by on-page inserts?
Yes, comics have chapters at least DC Comics do.
So who are these doctors? they sound scary are they british? BrItish people are scary.
And no, I’m not unhappy, It’s fine i can be patient.
British people are scary? What?
That anonymous person was me on a different computer.
I can’t think of a name for my series, and I am so stuck.
But for my superhero trio I was thinking “Star Squad” or “Team Star”
I’d be like.
“Hey, it’s Team Star!” exclaims amazed man
“Team Star? who are they?” asks clueless woman
“Only the hippest young superheroes, dawg” replies inner-city youth
Or you could swap it with Star Squad.
Hmm. I think “Star Squad” and “Team Star” sound a bit too retro for your series. I think they sound too much like they’re out of the Golden Age of comics. What do you think about The Hellions?
Sorry it took so long. I went camping. Here’s what I meant: In the early drafts I inserted text boxes with info, translation etc. ON the page as notes to help the reader. Your thoughts on this method?
Hmm. I think it may be a bit more intrusive than footnotes. Because footnotes are more conventional than text boxes, I would recommend using footnotes on your manuscript. Then, as soon as you get a publishing contract, you can ask your editor about using text boxes.
How was camping?
Cold. Wet. Survivable. I’ll go with the footnotes. Thnx.
I was going to say… there are probably better times to camp than mid-October, at least in the Northern Hemisphere.
Yeah. Not exactly my choice. It was a Pathfinders event.
I’m not sure how you’d use chapters in a comic book, but if DC Comics did it in some of its comic books, it probably won’t be much of an issue.
1: I love City of Failures. It’s unexpected (in contrast to something more conventional like “City of Heroes”) and sets the right mood. I would recommend taking out the word “The” in the chapter title for punch. My main concern about the content of the chapter is that the description makes it sound like it’ll be mostly backstory. I’d recommend focusing on what he’s failing at now (probably the Raggs rejection) rather than what he’s failed at in the past (college dropout, etc.)
2: I’m not quite feeling “Tags over Tags–Total Disrespect.” I think “Total Disrespect” would be OK on its own. Alternately, you could use “Tags Over Tags,” but that would only be effective if most of your readers actually knew what “Tags Over Tags” was a reference to. That depends on your target audience. However, if you’re writing for the usual comic-book audience (15-25 non-poor whites), my guess is they probably wouldn’t get it.
3: “A Sketchbook With a Name?” This has suspense and style. However, I’m not quite feeling the question-mark. I’d recommend tweaking this to “The Sketchbook With a Name.”
4: “Jumping off the Pages” is pretty good. As a minor stylistic tweak, I’d recommend changing “Pages” to “Page.”
5: I didn’t like this title. I’d recommend something like “I Refuse to Work for a Sketchbook” instead, maybe? (Or you could substitute “Drawing” for “Sketchbook”).
6: I didn’t like this title so much. I’d recommend putting the death-ray aspect of this chapter front and center. At this point, the graffiti-artist angle of his story virtually vanishes, so I would try to have the title reflect that. Also, I’d recommend foreshadowing the conflict with the Cyborn Moon earlier. Since this opening issue is pretty much the character’s origin story, I’d recommend having it end with him becoming Sketch. Waiting for the second issue to do that may be too slow.
Yeah I thought about that when I wrote it, he should become Sketch in the first issue. And there should be some foreshadowing, the Cyborn Moon can’t just pop up out of nowhere, I’ll add a part tying the Animata to the Cyborn Moon’s arrival, because they are tracking it. I’ll post the revised first issue soon. So I should probably speed up the pace of the story so that I can fit more in the first book. I won’t post it in chapter form and it will be in a section that applies, since it’s no longer about chapters and titles. I’ll call the series The Hellions after looking up the meaning it’s a good describer of the group, but aren’t the Hellions in use by X-Men.
I’ve since looked up the Hellions and found that the word is used by the X-Men, but that reference is still pretty obscure. I think you’d be OK. If you like the word but want to differentiate yourself from the X-Men, you could try modifying Hellions with an adjective or phrase. For example, if you wanted to make the Hellions sound like a graffiti gang, maybe you could make them the Comet City Hellions. At the very least, as a series name that clearly identifies itself as scifi. Alternately, you could use a word that sounds more conventionally heroic to make them sound more like a standard superhero team. Or you could use a word that’s really wacky and out-there to show that the team is all about creativity (The Lurid Hellions?)
I’m figuring out the backstory and timeline for everything that happens before my book starts (to avoid continuity issues), and I was wondering, about how old does a fantasy world need to be? Right now mine is less than 9,000 years old, but that feels a bit too young to me. Your advice?
I don’t think there are any hard-and-fast rules for world age. If the world were only 2,500 years old instead of 9,000 years or 25,000 years, it probably wouldn’t affect the development of the story all that much. The age of the world is pretty much just like a scenery choice, so you have a lot of latitude to play around with it.
In contrast, the backstory that shapes the plot is far more important than scenery and should probably be kept as narrow and recent as possible. For example, if your story hinged on a conflict between a few noble families, it would probably help if the events that have shaped the conflict happened just over the past few generations than over hundreds of generations. Your readers will probably find it easier to keep track of a shorter timeline.
would you consider 956 years “ancient” (for a nation)?
Yeah, I think it would be an ancient country.
Most readers will probably determine whether it feels ancient by comparing it to their own country. For example, the oldest countries in the Western Hemisphere (the United States and Haiti) are about 250 years old. It’s not as clear in Europe, but political scientists frequently cite England’s Commonwealth in 1529 as the first example of a modern nation-state.
Also, I’ve made some changes to chapter names. The chapter descriptions are the same as above.
Chapter 1: A Star Is Born- This is an origin story
Chapter 2: Forcing the Lock- Took your suggestion
Chapter 3: Conflict of Interests- refers to the fight between Alex and Karen that dominates this chapter
Chapter 4: Completely Clueless- modified your suggestion
Chapter 5: The Next Level- ???
your thoughts?
This is probably the first time in the history of this website that political science has actually proven remotely useful. And possibly the history of the world.
Also, I’ve made some changes to chapter names. The chapter descriptions are the same as above.
Chapter 1: A Star Is Born- This is an origin story
Chapter 2: Forcing the Lock- Took your suggestion
Chapter 3: Conflict of Interests- refers to the fight between Alex and Karen that dominates this chapter
Chapter 4: Completely Clueless- modified your suggestion
Chapter 5: The Next Level- ???
your thoughts?
A Star is Born may be a little bit cheesy, but I like the sort-of-wordplay with the series name.
I like Forcing the Lock. It may help if you introduce the lock metaphor in the first chapter’s title, so that it’s a bit clearer what “forcing the lock” is a reference to.
My first impression when I hear “Conflict of Interests” is that a professional has conflicting interests, like a lawyer representing two sides in the same case. So it might not quite convey the sense of two siblings sparring with each other. I think it may help to use your chapter 3 title to foreshadow the fight. For example, why are they fighting? Why is the fight so relevant that you’re writing about it? Something like Pecking Order doesn’t quite have the right style, I think, but it conveys the substance well.
Completely Clueless sounds good. I like the slightly whimsical, hyperbolic touch of “completely” there.
I’m not quite feeling “The Next Level.” When they rely on Josh in chapter 5, what sort of test are they facing? I think that giving that sort of detail may make the title more suspenseful.
How about “Cooperation Through Subordination” for Chapter 3?
As for Chapter 5, I don’t think you got the right vibe. Josh does not feature too prominently in this chapter. Alex separates from his brothers and cousins and begins to progress from this point on his own, meeting new friends etc. in the process.
Oh, and if you’re worrying that I’m scrapping all of the characters and plot developments up to this point to focus on the main character, thus revealing that what progressed in Chapters 1-4 was backstory and I only introduced the peripheral characters to further characterize Alex, don’t worry. In fact, you’re only half right. Their main purpose was to characterize Alex, but they won’t vanish into the mists of obscurity. We’ll see Xavier, Karen, Josh, and company again, just not yet. However, throughout the course of the plot, I will make it plain that Alex has been keeping up with his family (references, letters, etc.).
What do you think?
Cooperation through Subordination is interesting, but it may be possible to smooth it out a bit. Could you give a synopsis for chapter 3 and chapter 5?
As for the separation in chapter 5, it’s not a problem that you move away from peripheral characters in one scene and move to a separate scene with mostly new characters. For example, the first Harry Potter book spends about 50 pages where the most important side-characters are Dudley, Uncle Vernon and Aunt Marge. After Harry moves to Hogwarts, we hardly ever see those characters again. So even if you decided that you never wanted to work with Xavier/Karen/Josh/etc. again, that would be OK as long as they accomplished something commensurate with the amount of time they had on-screen. When you eventually reintroduce these characters, I would recommend that you be fairly generous with context clues to help readers remember who these characters are, particularly if they’ve developed a lot in the interim.
Thank you. Here are the synopses you requested:
Chapter 3: Cooperation through Subordination
The kids go on various adventures to help them discover their powers. Alex and Karen spend most of the time fighting, the details of which dominate the chapter. Peripheral plots include Mike and Zenobia explorng caves and running into a gargoyle, April and Josh struggling to work together, and Rachel and Kiturah discovering their powers. This prevents the “nonstop fighting” problem.
During the fight Alex transfers some of his energy into a lump of metal (with the help of a lightning bolt) and makes a sword,and defeats Karen. His father intervenes and scolds them. They are then sent on a quest to make a power staff for Karen so both of hem will have weapons. Meanwhile, Xavier (Alex’s dad) decides everyone else isn’t learning fast enough so he devises an alternative program. Raphael agrees, but Rishtaria and Kayla do not and the parents begin arguing over the pace of the children’s training.
Chapter 5: The Next Level
(In progress) Alex, Karen and company arrive at the academy. They meet the Second Master, a wolf-man named Lupus Cane (last of his race. Shh!), and Headmaster Mikayel (the phoenix Auringel in disguise. Double shh!). Since the kids are all in different levels, they will have to split up. It gets kind of emotional here. Alex then leaves to get acclamated to the new place. He then meets several other important characters, most prominently Amorelia, and the main plot begins.
Your thoughts?
For #3, what would you think about “Bolt out of the Blue?” The idiom translates to something unexpected, but there’s also the reference to the lightning that proves very important in the fight with Karen.
I get number three, but what is five a reference to?
It’s not a reference. If they face their second master (Lupus Cane) in chapter 5, then he would be the next master. I think it’ll make sense for readers that have already read the encounter between them and what I imagine is the first master.
Oh, you misunderstood. Second Master is Lupus Cane’s title. In some foreign schools, that office is roughly the same as “vice principal” in the US.
Principal –> Headmaster
Vice Principal –> Second Master
You see?
Oh, OK.
Okay, I have a few more chapter titles that I need some comments on.
Chapter Twenty-Two: Is This An Interrogation?
His girlfriend get nervous because her friend seems to be prying about her date. She actually isn’t, she’s just interested in how it went.
Chapter Twenty-Three: Ol’ Meathead
The school bully is introduced. “Ol’ Meathead” is Isaac’s nickname for him.
Chapter Twenty-Four: Wraparound
Isaac goes to save a child trapped in a crashed car. It’s practically wrapped around a tree.
Chapter Twenty-Five: Scrapped
He sees that a lot more girls are making scrapbooks of his rescues.
Chapter Twenty-Six: Behind Every Supermodel
Amy-Belle tells her nanny about Isaac, describing him as “totally cute” (leaving out the fact that he’s a superhero), and her nanny replies that “behind every supermodel is a totally cute guy”.
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Heroic Orders
The restaurant where Isaac works is packed full because he made his first rescue on the same street. It’s now a tourist hotspot and his workload has quadrupled.
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Night Lights and Night Life
He flies over the city to a robbery and watches as the lights switch on.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Gunplay
He is threatened with a gun and has to disarm the guy without getting shot.
Chapter Thirty: The Illness
Another fatigue headache hits him, and he gets really sick.
Chapter Thirty-One: Kill Me, Kill Me, Kill Me
He goes to school despite his illness and is praying for death all day because it hurts so much.
Chapter Thirty-Two: A Gladiator In A School Uniform
He and his sister are attacked on the way home from school, by three of Isaac’s classmates. His little sister throws sand in one guy’s eyes and raises his voice a few octaves with a well-placed kick.
Chapter Thirty-Three: Let Them Eat Cake
He gives his sister her favourite dinner and some cake for using her knowledge of fighting for the forces of good. Normally she’s beating up her classmates. (She’s not blood related to him and doesn’t have superpowers)
Chapter Thirty-Four: Surfing the Fansite Wave
Isaac’s foster father tells him that the Guardian has a fansite, which ranks local teens on the likelihood that they’re the Guardian. Isaac has a 2% chance and his friend has 2.6%. He is relieved that the girls clearly don’t know what to look for, seeing as his friend is very different from him.
Chapter Thirty-Four: Stranger Than Fact
His other friend writes a fanfic where the Guardian is seen as a 21 year old journalist with red hair and brown eyes, who is openly brave in real life. Basically, he’s the opposite of Isaac.
I have just thrown together some possible titles for my novel, but I must say that I do insist on the colon. Some books pulled it off, and I’ll make an attempt. I know character names don’t really belong in titles, but it worked for Bridget Jones, Artemis Fowl, Maximum Ride, Jane Eyre and Emma. It might not work for me, but I can try.
The Guardian: Behind the Mask
Isaac Maehara: Not Quite Normal
Isaac Maehara: Average (For His Species)
Isaac Maehara: Student/Superhero *OR* Isaac Maehara: Student… Waiter… Superhero *OR* Isaac Maehara: Student, Waiter, Superhero
Isaac Maehara: Legal Guardianship (This is my favourite, but it’s an in-joke. It fits because he’s adopted, which the reader won’t know until the third page. But it doesn’t say what it’s really about, since there’s no mention of superheroes.)
I need help reducing the list by elimination, and possibly some suggestions. Thanks!
Of these, I would eliminate The Guardian: Behind the Mask and Isaac Maehara: Legal Guardianship. I don’t feel like they make enough of a sell to prospective readers.
In contrast, Isaac Maehara: Student, Waiter, Superhero very clearly sells a story that’s about a typical teen that is a superhero on top of being a student and waiter.
If Isaac is essentially a typical teen, then I feel that something like this (ie Student, Waiter, Superhero) could be a really effective title. However, if he’s a typical teen, then it might feel incongruent to readers that he’s not human. (Going back to Superhero Nation, we used a mutant alligator to personify an agency that’s beyond wacky).
I like Isaac Maehara: Average (For His Species) but it feels like it’s selling a different story than IM:SWS. Instead of emphasizing that he’s a superhero that does exceedingly average things for a teenager (being a student and waiter), it says that he’s average for another species. The first one would get readers that want to read about a typical teenager-turned-superhero; the second would get readers that want to learn about a nonhuman protagonist. Notice that the second one doesn’t imply that this is a superhero story.
Isaac Maehara: Not Quite Normal makes a third kind of pitch. I suspect that would pick up readers that are interested in reading about a teenager that’s more weird than normal. Based on my loose understanding of your novel, I feel like this title is kind of likely to mismarket your work. Another concern I’d have is that this does not seem to be a superhero story, or even necessarily fantastical.
Here are some tweaks you could try… Isaac Maehara: Average (For His Species) could be just Average for His Species. That would eliminate two sets of punctuation that tend to be awkward. If you’d like to use Isaac’s name there, you could try Isaac, Average for His Species or Isaac [Last name], Average for His Species. However, if you’d like to use his last name, I’d recommend using a last-name that doesn’t have unusual letter combinations like ‘maeh.’
I’d recommend cutting “Isaac Maehara” out of Isaac Maehara: Student, Waiter, Superhero. “Student, Waiter, Superhero” is remarkably informative and concise: readers will know that this story is about a typical teen that becomes a superhero. I don’t think that naming the typical teen in the title adds enough here to justify adding a word or two.
I like these titles:
Is This An Interrogation?
I’m not quite feeling the rhetorical question here. Maybe something like “Prying Eyes” or “The Meddler” might work better. Also, my impression is that this might seem very removed from the Isaac-centric chapters. His main link to the chapter is that her girlfriend is interested in how her date with Isaac went. But dramatically speaking, there’s nothing at stake for Isaac here. For example, if the girlfriend were very critical of Isaac and were subtly pushing her to dump him, then Isaac would have something at stake. I think that raising the stakes for Isaac here would increase the interest-level of readers that are more interested in Isaac than his girlfriend.
Scrapped.
Stylistically, this may be a red herring. I think “Scrapped” sounds more threatening and sinister than this chapter actually turns out to be. (Unless he does find it sinister that the girls are making scrapbooks of him, which would be pretty funny). Also, how long is this chapter? It feels like there’s not as much dramatic conflict in this chapter as the others. I’d recommend adding some reason that the scrapbooks and his growing fan-base are consequential in the context of this chapter. Maybe he finds it threatening because the more closely they look at pictures of him, the more he fears that they will notice how much he looks like the hero.
Heroic Orders.
My main concern here is that the chapter does not feature very much conflict. OK, so his workload has quadrupled. I suspect readers will wonder “so what?” I would try to increase the drama here (and his stake in the scene) by having him try to juggle his quadrupled workload with trying to spend time with his girlfriend and/or as a superhero. If there are antagonists at this point of the story, it might be useful to bring them in here. If I were attempting to learn more about the hero at this point, I’d probably start here looking for forensic evidence. I’d also try to consider the possibility that the hero’s base of operations is near where he tends to make his appearances, which is probably pretty close to the first fight. Also, I’m not very fond of the title here. Do you like “Unintended Consequences”?
Night Lights and Night Life. I didn’t think the title was very dramatic. “Nightlife” might be smoother. Midnight’s another word I’d think about using (like Midnight Rescue, Midnight Bust, or maybe The Fight At Midnight). Also, this chapter doesn’t seem too dramatic. I like that the robbery is looming ahead, but looking at the city might not be interesting enough.
The Illness.
I like the substance, but making the title more specific might help. For example, maybe “The Hangover” or “Power Hangover.” Alternately, I think something more literary could work. Maybe “World of Hurt”?
A Gladiator In A School Uniform.
The substance here is fine, but I’m not so keen on the chapter name. “School Uniform” is kind of awkward. Maybe something like “A Demon in Pigtails”?
Let Them Eat Cake.
I’m not sure how much the Marie Antoinette reference adds here. Something like “They Ate Cake” might be a marginally more interesting title, but I’d recommend coming up with some reason that them eating cake together is dramatic. (For example, if they had hated each other, this could be a symbolic moment of reconciliation).
Surfing the Fansite Wave.
I’d recommend something more over the top, like “The Worldwide Web of Lies.” Also, if this fansite wave is something that is mostly coming from teens and young people, I think it would make sense if someone younger (like Isaac’s sister) told him about the website.
Up until now, I have been sort of free-writing my chapters in that I have a general idea of where the plot needs to go and I let the story write itself. I have recently discovered however, that this technique is a breeding ground for writer’s block. Consequently I’ve started outlining my book by chapter and I would like your opinion on some upcoming titles, as well as some already written that you have seen. All commenters welcome!
Chapter 1: A Star Is Born-
Alex discovers his powers during a fight with his cousin Karen. His parents come home, explain, and reveal their connection to the Knights Telessar.
Chapter 2: Forcing the Lock
Alex and company begin their training under their uncle Raphael. They later are sent into power training.
Chapter 3: Cooperation Through Subordination
Alex and Karen fight, then later learn to work together to defeat the pyron Gehennite. Meanwhile their siblings have their own adventures, culminating in an encounter with Xavier.
Chapter 4: Completely Clueless
It is reveled that the kids were in Zicaron the whole time. They then fight Xavier without success until Alex and Karen arrive and help them to win. The two then resolve their rivalry once and for all.
Chapter 5: The Academy
The kids arrive at the Academy and must split up. Alex gets acclimated to his new surroundings. He meets the elf-girl Amorelia, who he crushes on. He is assigned to a residential group consisting of Whit, Felisha, Edmond, Jackal, Jason, Tiffany, and Anastasia. (The last four are extremely minor characters and have no bearing on the plot. They exist because four people wouldn’t be a practical number for an RC group given the number of children in the school. We only know their names because Alex’s RC makes them do a “Hi my name is…” exercise to get to know each other.) The chapter ends with them going to dinner.
*RC means residential counselor.
Chapter 6: Unleash the Fire
Alex goes to dinner with his residential group. He meets up with Amorelia again and she introduces him to a couple of her friends. Alex has his first run-in with the Axe Grinders and fights Volund Skulk. Lupus Cane busts them and sends Alex to the office.
Chapter 7: To the Office With You
Chapter opens with a conversation between Mikayel and Lupus Cane about the Emissary of Fire. The topic of conversation eventually switches to Alex. Lupus plays the doubter, but Mikayel has faith in him. They then bring Alex in and chide him for his actions. He is punished. (I think he must get SOME kind of punishment, because if he gets off, not only would it be bad for mary sue/chosen one reasons, but it might seem like their giving him leeway for corruption, which is unacceptable for a good authority figure to do.) Lupus leaves the room and Mikayel has a private conversation with Alex. Alex leaves.
Chapter 8: An Encounter of the Purebred Kind
Alex leaves the office and runs into Team Thunder/ the Jainar Triplets. They begin to persecute him for being a “halfling” when Whit and Amorelia appear to back him up. Whit wants to fight, but Amorelia wants a peaceful solution. The triplets tease Whit for being an even greater “mongrel” than Alex, and act indignant toward Amorelia for helping out the “mutts”, though saying that such weakness is to be expected of an Adamari tribe elf (The triplets are Zhudai elves, of the tribe famous for its warriors, while the Adamari are more peaceful and spiritual). Alex thanks Amorelia and he and Whit leave to go back to their dorm sector. After encountering Amorelia, Whit considers that not all purebreds are bad.
Thoughts?
All in all it sounds good but I have a few concerns. Even with the four characters that are minor, a lot of names are thrown around in the beginning, which may disorientate the reader. But as long as you differentiate the characters it should work out fine. Title-wise the only one I have a quibble with is To the Office With You. That sounds a little funny, in my opinion, but if you wanted to emphasize the punishment, I think “The Rod of Punishment” or “The Code of Conduct” w