Overheard at a college tutoring center…   

No, the Underground Railroad was not the world’s first subway system…   I don’t care what Wikipedia told you. 

The author behind My Writer’s Block got off lucky with this one– it definitely wasn’t that easy for me to get rid of Vista. 

This reminds me of my freshman year, when Dell computers suddenly started melting (and at least once bursting into flames) across campus.  I signed on as a marketer for a team of computer guys who were selling homemade computers that were suddenly desirable.  Our motto was “one melted computer is a tragedy; a hundred melted computers are an opportunity.” 

It’s pretty funny.  By the way, if you replace “quantum flux” with “Speed Force” or “Pym particles,” it applies just as well to superhero stories as it does for sci-fi.

In Green Lantern #9, Batman gets a GL ring.

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This redubbing of a few Darth Vader scenes is pretty funny.  Caution: highly profane.

In particular, I found 1:15-1:50, 3:20-3:50, 6:35-6:40 and 7:10-7:25 hilarious.

Joel Schumacher is a director best-known for his vicious crimes against Batman, including putting nipples on the batsuit. Earlier today, I was browsing through TV Tropes and found that one of the Batman cartoons had a hilarious scene mocking Schumacher.  (The idiot in the scene is named Joel and is standing in front of a sign that says Shoemaker).

This is strikingly funny.

Bleach’s writing is not terribly inspired and it introduces its premise in a fairly awkward fashion.  However, this visual from episode 2 made me burst into laughter.  The hero is at school and meets someone that is obviously the girl he saw dice up a demon the night before.  (Because of secret identities, he can’t say anything to the people around him, though).  He starts to freak out and she turns to shake his hand.

If you’ve ever been to Arlington, VA, you know how accurate this is. Down to the bad rappers.

Ok, that settles it.  I’m getting cremated.

You deserve to lose if…

1. …you have access to every Russian and American ICBM and still cannot exterminate the human race.

2. …you make a human into a cyborg and then show him where to find his control chip. You deserve to have him tear out the control chip and kill you.

3.  …you make a cyborg with a control chip, and the control chip does not prevent him from ripping out the control chip.  What was the control chip doing?

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“Please enjoy our authentic tapas.  I am afraid they are not like that Taco Bell stuff you Americans like so much, sir, but if you want I can smother them in sour cream and you will hardly be able to tell the difference.”

Hat-tip to our Japanese correspondent.

I found this dangerously amusing. “Ah, excellent. Simmering sexual tension is my specialty.” Please look past the awful production values; they’re part of the humor.

Also, I like that they casted Zachary Quinto (Sylar from Heroes) as Spock.  Except for  James Lee (Ando), he’s the only Heroes actor that strikes me as remotely talented. However, Quinto will probably go farther in Hollywood because he has the crucial advantage of being non-Asian.  Nobody’s Asian in the Movies, except for kung fu stars and ninjas. 

Summer Fun Cthulhu! Speaking of summer, it looks like that guy in the back of the photo could use some extra sunlight.

From Dr. Horrible.

1.  Your protagonist is Rick Blurry, a cigar-smoking, eyepatch-wearing superspy.  When Marvel’s lawyers call, perhaps you should have a better defense ready than “but he wears his eyepatch on his right eye!”

2. Your pitch includes the line:  “This is just like your other series, but good.”

3.  You are aroused by any of the characters.  (Yes, we can tell).

4.  It involves time-travel.

5.  You’re not sure whether you want a protagonist to live or not, so you put it to a vote.

Spill.com did a mock script showing how Michael Bay (the guy who did Pearl Harbor and Transformers) might have tried The Dark Knight.

I recommend that you read all of it, but this is my favorite part.

BRUCE WAYNE is standing in front of a mirror, flexing his sculpted, shirtless torso.

BRUCE: Let’s do this.

Cue AC/DC’s “Back in Black.”  A series of quick shots show BRUCE gearing up: putting on the boots, slapping on the gloves, a brief glance across those beautiful pecs.  Finally, there is no longer BRUCE WAYNE, but BATMAN standing before us.

BATMAN: Back in black.

Pyrotechnics erupt in the distance.  Wailing guitar solo.

(PG-13 for minor nudity)

1.  Mentioning Dragonball Z eight times would be questionable for any query, but maybe there’s a better analogue for your historical romance.

2. You think the only thing between you and getting published is that publishers misunderstand your spelling and grammatical choices.  If only they appreciated your style!

3. Your writing teacher told you to “write what you know,” so you write the story of a tragically unappreciated author who finally snaps and starts murdering editors.

4. Your writing teacher told you to make your characters sound realistic, so you write your teen romance as a series of text-messages.  You receive a cryptic message from the publisher: “nothnxbai.”

5. Your main inspiration is Eragon.

I’d like you to watch 3:50-4:05 of this clip. There appears to be a noticeable plot hole here. Can you spot it? (Answer below).

Got it?

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I recommend that you look at the entire list on Bookgasm, but here are some of the highlights.

8.  The market for Iron Chef slash-fiction isn’t quite as broad as you may have assumed.  “Oh, Morimoto,” Chef Batali sighed.  “Stuff me like a pepper!”

31. There’s a fine line between writing authentic regional dialogue and making all of your characters sound like stroke victims.

32. Be thankful that they merely refused to publish it.  After all, submitting a manuscript that ends with the protagonist realizing that it was just a dream (or was it?) usually causes the publisher to edit your face with a pair of brass knuckles.

36. God may have told you to write this book, but he apparently forgot to tell you how to give it a decent ending.

47. The entire point of your book has already been more satisfactorily made in a single strip of Family Circus.

Penn State recently released a workplace orientation video about potentially angry students, such as veterans. But which angry students did they miss?

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A Berlin woman divorced her husband for cleaning too much.  “The wife got through 15 years of marriage putting up with the man’s penchant for doing household chores, tidying up and rearranging the furniture.”  One of the advantages of marrying me is that this will certainly not be a problem.

You can see more Dinosaur Comics here.

evilHow is an amusing resource for supervillains-in-training.

• Notre Dame just announced that the President is doing our commencement speech this year.  I’ve always been opposed to the idea of commencements and do not plan to attend mine, regardless of the speaker.  This announcement merely makes it absolutely certain that my absence will cause my parents to flip out.  They’re still sore that I successfully missed my high school commencement, even though I had a valid excuse then.
• In other Notre Dame news, the police busted my St. Patrick’s Day party.  Very exciting.
• Over these past three days, we’ve been averaging 1000 visitors per day.  That’s about three times as many as normal.

(It is).