Jun 04 2009

12 Reasons Skynet Deserves to Lose

Published by at 7:07 pm under Comedy,Science Fiction

You deserve to lose if…

1. …you have access to every Russian and American ICBM and still cannot exterminate the human race.

2. …you make a human into a cyborg and then show him where to find his control chip. You deserve to have him tear out the control chip and kill you.

3.  …you make a cyborg with a control chip, and the control chip does not prevent him from ripping out the control chip.  What was the control chip doing?

4.  …you allow this cyborg into your base– rather than immediately vaporize him– after he has completed his function.  If you are too stupid to kill, you are too stupid to live.

5.  …you show this cyborg where John Connor is located in your base.

6.  …you make all of the above mistakes with the cyborg despite yourself being an AI that turned on its masters.

7.  …you have the time-traveling father of the Resistance in your custody and do not immediately kill him.

8.  …you have the ability to hear loud music in the middle of nowhere, but not the firefight or explosions outside of John Connor’s headquarters.

9.  …your plan absolutely hinges on John Connor coming to save his father rather than sending a rescue team.  If John Connor is really so stupid that he would go himself, killing him doesn’t matter.  He’s probably more of a liability than an asset for the Resistance.

10.  …your Terminators cannot manage to kill John Connor even after stabbing a girder through his heart.

11.  …your Terminators cannot call for reinforcements as soon as they locate John Connor.

12. …your Terminator motorcycles can weave in and out of traffic, but not dodge a trip-wire.  However, if you had sent more than one motorcycle on each patrol, at least you could have managed to kill John Connor anyway.

12 responses so far

12 Responses to “12 Reasons Skynet Deserves to Lose”

  1. B. Macon 04 Jun 2009 at 7:13 pm

    Despite these gaping plot-holes, I enjoyed T4. It wasn’t near as good as T2 or T1, but it was far better than T3.

  2. Marissaon 05 Jun 2009 at 12:57 am

    …Wow, somehow none of this bothered me. I thought the movie was actually pretty awesome. xD

  3. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 05 Jun 2009 at 5:44 am

    T1 is the best of them all, but I’ve only seen the first three once each.

  4. Joel Wyatton 05 Jun 2009 at 6:36 am

    Now – this is just me – but, I thought the original was a big, dumb, well-executed B-movie, with pockets full of cool plot devices… and I love it to this day. The third one worked for me on that same level (to a lesser degree, admittedly).

    The second had some cool chase scenes, but I always felt like it was James Cameron buying the “next Spielberg” hype: “his ET” (kid teaches science fiction-y ‘other’ what it means to be human) on the way to making “his important movie” (Titanic. Um… yeah).

    Plus, it had Edward Furlong’s Anakin-worthy performance, and teenage cool-speak that’s only slightly less corny Lucas’ “Wizard!” exclamations.

    Lowered expectations factor in to my opinion, I’m sure – nothing post T2 should’ve worked at ALL, considering t2 had a pretty clear ending.

    (haven’t seen the TV show, or Salvation. The latter looks to me like the Straight to Video stuff from the early 90s that tried to expand upon the “future war” flashbacks from the movies…)

  5. Gurion Omegaon 06 Jun 2009 at 12:47 pm

    The Sarah Connor Chronicles…its not coming back, is it…

  6. B. Macon 07 Jun 2009 at 2:34 am

    Probably not. Canceling the show a few weeks before the movie came out is probably a sign that Fox’s executives must have been really displeased with the ratings.

  7. ShardReaperon 16 Jun 2009 at 6:37 pm

    You know, I never thought about any of those things except for the last one until I read this. How both factions have managed to last this long is something that requires deep thinking.

  8. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 17 Jun 2009 at 1:11 am

    Whenever I read “The Sarah Connor Chronicles”, I always mix it up with “The Sarah Jane Adventures”. I haven’t seen either, and I’m not bothered about SCC, but I really want to watch SJA. (Probably because it’s a Doctor Who spinoff. 😀 )

  9. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 17 Jun 2009 at 1:14 am

    Yes, I know my Whovian-ness is getting old. I guess I’ll have to EXTERMINATE or DELETE it. Haha. It’s a lame fan joke.

  10. Tomon 17 Jun 2009 at 4:00 am

    I thought that too!

    But it’s worse with ‘Samantha Who’, for obvious reasons.

  11. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 17 Jun 2009 at 4:57 am

    Well, Samantha does have amnesia. Maybe she regenerated and has a fob watch in her house somewhere? Haha.

  12. Tomon 17 Jun 2009 at 10:59 am

    If that isn’t on the Wild Mass Guessing page of TVTropes I will eat my hat.

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