Archive for the 'Comedy' Category

Aug 25 2010

How could a Twilight parody be that bad?

Published by under Comedy,Twilight

I provide advice about how to write novels, comic books and graphic novels. Most of my content applies to fiction-writing in general, but I also provide articles specifically about superhero stories.

Vampires Suck is startlingly bad.  How could try something so easy–finding something hilariously awful about Twilight–and fail so badly?  It’s like going to Alaska and failing to find snow.  If you’re in the mood for a good Twilight parody, I recommend this fake screenplay. Here’s an excerpt:

SCENE 2

BELLA: It’s tough being the new kid in school! Especially when everyone is so friendly and helpful and interested in me. Why can’t they just leave me alone so I can sit in the corner and cut myself?
CLASSMATE: You’re awesome, Bella!
BELLA: See what I have to put up with? Hey — who are those hot people over there?
CLASSMATE: Those are the Cullens. They avoid direct sunlight, they don’t eat food, they sleep in coffins in a graveyard, and holy water burns them. I think they’re Canadians.*
BELLA: They sure are spectacularly gorgeous.
CLASSMATE: Yes, they are.
BELLA: I mean seriously, those people are BEAUTIFUL. Especially the one who keeps looking at me. Man alive, that guy is stunning. I mean, wow. He is hot buttered seduction on a stick. I’m not interested in him sexually, of course, because sex is dirty, but wow — LOOK AT HIM! Yee-ikes! Hubba hubba! If you don’t mind, I’d like to spend the next 75 pages talking exclusively about how attractive he is, and then bring it up again every paragraph or so for the remaining 400 pages.
CLASSMATE: Knock yourself out.

*The makers of Vampires Suck stole this joke.

16 responses so far

Aug 21 2010

Italian Spiderman

Published by under Comedy

Thank God this is a parody.

3 responses so far

Aug 17 2010

Tyler Perry auditions

Published by under Comedy

I especially liked Corporate White Boss.

No responses yet

Aug 12 2010

Twilight Demotivational Poster

The New York Times uncovered evidence of serious detainee abuse at Guantanamo Bay:

Guantanamo-Bay-Funny-Picture

How do you break a suicidal terrorist? Find something worse than death.

3 responses so far

Aug 04 2010

Demotivational Poster: Pink Batman

Batman Demotivational Poster: Pink Batsuit

As if the nipples on the Batsuit weren’t bad enough.  To be fair, though, it was the 1950s (Detective Comics #241).

4 responses so far

Jul 15 2010

What are some unbelievable things that have actually happened?

Published by under Believability,Comedy

Just because something has happened doesn’t necessarily make it believable.  Here are some examples.

John Quincy Adams kept a pet alligator in the White House.  (Not surprisingly, he faced no assassination attempts).

Unwacky: Brett Favre’s first completed pass was to himself.
Barely wacky: Austria’s World Cup team threw a key match to West Germany to screw Algeria.  The game got so bad the announcer asked viewers to change the channel.
Wackier: “You were like 50 feet away.  How could you be so sure that the ball crossed into the German goal?”  “Stalingrad.”
Outlandish: “The Band Is On the Field!”

Continue Reading »

One response so far

Jul 05 2010

Grab-Bag: Pixar > Dreamworks and The Independence Day Rap

Published by under Comedy

PIXAR VS. DREAMWORKS

INDEPENDENCE DAY RAP
This is ridiculously crass, but pretty hilarious.

12 responses so far

Jul 02 2010

Automatically generate a plot!

P. Mac coded this random plot generator:

Did you like this? Submit us to Stumble!

38 responses so far

Jul 01 2010

Who’s your favorite author? (Also, let’s wildly stereotype you!)

If you’re into ridiculously petty literary squabbles, you might get a kick out of this amusing list of reader stereotypes based on favorite authors.  Just don’t take it seriously. I thought these two were funny. 

James Patterson fans: Men who bomb the LSAT.

Stephenie Meyer fans: “People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3 <3.”  [But they’ll still complain when you misspell Stephenie!]

Here are some of my own. 

Aldous Huxley fans: People that have FAR too much fun to survive to 40. From his masterpiece’s Wikipedia entry: “…They turn on each other, in a frenzy of beating and chanting that devolves into a mass orgy of [drugs] and sex.”  Make that 35. 

Tom Clancy fans: Guys that like guns but have never actually carried one. 

James Joyce fans: Guys that like James Joyce books but have never actually read one. 

Franz Kafka fans: I think they’re the people that run airports.  It’s the only possible explanation. 

H.G. Wells fans: If they ever had a time machine, their first act would be erasing George Lucas from history.  (Could you wait until Return of the Jedi? Thanks). 

Charles Dickens fans: Readers that think a book is twice as enjoyable if it’s twice as long.

Lorraine Hansberry fans: Jeopardy writers.  I’ll take 1970s Tony-Winning Adaptations for $2000, Alex! 

18 responses so far

Jun 30 2010

Generate your own plots!

Step 1: Randomly pick an inciting event, an antagonist, a protagonist and a goal.

INCITING EVENT

  • cheated on
  • kidnapped
  • impaled on a national landmark
  • thrown out of a window
  • mentally mutilated
  • disowned
  • fired
  • hired
  • drafted
  • mugged
  • kicked down the stairs
  • put in the poor house
  • brutally murdered
  • psychically ravaged
  • drop-kicked in Times Square
  • publically serenaded
  • mistaken for a felon
  • exiled
  • sent on a one-way trip to Djibouti
  • interrogated
  • sold a [adjective] pet
  • implicated
  • sold into slavery
  • deceived
  • misidentified
  • sued
  • infected
  • ruined
  • mistakenly tackled
  • swindled
  • blacklisted
  • judo-chopped through a wall
  • poisoned
  • framed
  • drunk under the table
  • thrown into a pit of carnivorous gophers
  • beaten in the World Series of Poker
  • outed as a superhero
  • humiliated
  • betrayed
  • forced to read Twilight
  • thrown into a wood-chipper
  • blackmailed
  • tricked
  • nearly decapitated
  • rear-ended
  • magically turned into a man-eating llama

Continue Reading »

14 responses so far

Jun 20 2010

Best headline ever

Oh, please. Like it's never happened to you before.

25 responses so far

Jun 19 2010

Great Literature Retitled to Boost Google Results

Published by under Comedy

Mike Lacher has a pretty funny list on McSweeny’s Internet Tendency. I especially liked “Seven Awesome Ways Barnyard Animals Are Like Communism.”  Here are some reworked titles of my own.

One response so far

May 29 2010

P.S.: When someone asks “Who do you think you are?”, the best answer is always Batman

I came across this in the Wikipedia article of Kevin Conroy, the long-time voice actor for Batman.

After the September 11, 2001 attacks, Conroy helped out in the relief efforts by volunteering to do cooking duties for officers and firefighters.  On the Batman: Gotham Knight DVD’s commentary, he said that another cook found out he was the voice of Batman. The cook asked if he could tell everyone, and Conroy agreed, though he thought no one would even know who he was. At the other cook’s urging, Conroy yelled in the voice of Batman, “I am vengeance! I am the night! I… am… Batman!” (a line he delivered in Batman: The Animated Series), eliciting cheers from the first responders eating at the relief center. They began telling him what their favorite episodes were, and how they had watched the show with their kids. He said it was the first time he had seen any of them smile or laugh since the attacks a week earlier.

Batman never ceases to amaze me.  Err, unless Joel “Batman and Robin” Schumacher is involved.  I should amend that to “Batman never ceases to astound me.”  Good God, movie audiences haven’t been that astounded since Sean Connery killed a bunch of henchmen in bear suits or a bear-suited Nicholas Cage punched a woman in Wicker Man.

One response so far

May 25 2010

Other conversations I don’t want to be a part of…

Published by under Comedy,Quote of the Day

Overheard yesterday: “It was like a romance co-authored by Caligula and H.P. Lovecraft.  Thank God I escaped!”

16 responses so far

May 22 2010

Seriously?

I tried working on The Taxman Must Die today but got distracted by an NBA idiot getting fined $100,000 for speculating about whether a player would leave his team and join the idiot’s.  Here are some other things (related to taxmen and the untimely demises thereof) you can get for $100,000.

No responses yet

May 18 2010

On the plus side, my preternaturally young-looking face will be an asset in 50 years

Published by under Comedy,Notre Dame

NOTRE DAME SECURITY GUARD, to a wandering B. Mac: Hey, you, stay with the tour group.

B. MAC:  These seventh-graders?  Umm, I’m twice as old as them.

[The security guard grunts skeptically]

SEVENTH GRADER, to security guard: R u srs?

EIGHTH GRADER: Hes oldr thn mah grndma.  Eww.

[B. Mac shows the guard his staff ID].

SECURITY GUARD:  Damn.  You’re short.

B. MAC:  I’m wearing penny loafers.  Penny loafers!

SEVENTH GRADER:  Pwnd.

EIGHTH GRADER:  Lulz!

Umm, yeah.  I was carded for PG-13 movies as a college student.

8 responses so far

Apr 04 2010

I’ve seen some awful trailers, but this is the worst

Published by under Comedy,Movie Review

Birdemic!

25 responses so far

Mar 26 2010

Neil Cameron’s A to Z of Awesomeness

Published by under Comedy

Kindergarten would have been a lot more kickass if I had had these when I was learning the alphabet. Most of these are pretty amusing, but I highly recommend  D and X.  Here’s Z.

5 responses so far

Mar 22 2010

Check out these teasers for Guardians of the Globe

Published by under Book Promotions,Comedy

Image is trying to promote its upcoming Invincible spinoff, Guardians of the Globe, and it hasn’t announced the team membership yet.  However, it has released some teasers, which are pretty funny… especially if you’re familiar with Wolverine Publicity.

Continue Reading »

10 responses so far

Mar 20 2010

Parody of New Moon

Published by under Comedy,Twilight

4 responses so far

Mar 17 2010

This t-shirt will make supermodels want to date you

Published by under Comedy

2 responses so far

Mar 15 2010

How to Win an Academy Award

Published by under Comedy

I have a checkered relationship with the Academy Awards…

3 responses so far

Mar 01 2010

Fill in the Caption: Batman Slapping Robin

Published by under Comedy


If you’d like to do your own, please go here.

7 responses so far

Feb 28 2010

Saturday Morning Watchmen, Again

I’ve linked this before, but it’s worth seeing again.

2 responses so far

Jan 27 2010

This title-grader is amusing, but wildly unreliable

Published by under Comedy

According to Lulu’s Titlescorer, “Superhero Nation” has a 35.9% chance of being a bestselling title.  Here are some titles that beat “Superhero Nation.”

  • The Romance of Vampires (69%)
  • The Vampire of Darkness (69%)
  • The Magical Elf (69%)
  • The the of of (41.4%)–what, you don’t like it?
  • Dark Vampire (41.4%)

Darn it.  Next time, I’m writing fantasy.

12 responses so far

Jan 23 2010

“I Kill Giants” is hilarious

Published by under Comedy,Comic Books

It’s not quite a superhero comic book, but

please check it out anyway.

4 responses so far

Jan 21 2010

News Coverage Should Be Fun

Since this is a website mainly about superhero writing, I should probably tie this comedy video into superhero writing to make it relevant for you. Well, this video might help you write a superhero who’s really a journalist in The Matrix cutting off lighthouse operators’ heads with laser beams.  Relevant enough?  (Caution: the language is a bit rough).

No responses yet

Jan 21 2010

If You Want to Get Published, Reading the Submission Guidelines is Not Optional

READ THE SUBMISSION GUIDELINES.

Courtesy of Miss Snark.

No responses yet

Jan 08 2010

Math Comedy? Michael Jackson Proves That 28/7 = 13

Published by under Comedy,Eccentric Tangent

No responses yet

Nov 21 2009

Twilight Drinking Game

Published by under Comedy

Dammit.  Lady-friends roped me into Twilight tonight.  At least something good will come out of this: a drinking game. 

  1. Take a sip every time someone broods.  (Small sip– save some room for #4 and #5). 
  2. Take a drink every time there’s a product placement.  (I counted 7).  
  3. Take a drink every time someone uses the word “understand.”  Take two drinks every time someone uses the phrase “you don’t understand” or “you can’t understand.” 
  4. Take a drink every time someone compliments Bella or declares his devotion for her. 
  5. Take two drinks every time the audience cheers at a shirtless male or an expression of love.
  6. Take a drink everytime the audience laughs at something so bad it’s funny.  Take two drinks when a sparkly Edward and a sparkly Bella take a romp through a Disney-like forest. 
  7. Take a drink every time the audience laughs at something that’s actually meant to be funny.  Take two drinks during the Face Punch scene.

10 responses so far

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