Apr 15 2009

Five signs that you should rethink your novel

Published by at 6:13 pm under Comedy

1.  Mentioning Dragonball Z eight times would be questionable for any query, but maybe there’s a better analogue for your historical romance.

2. You think the only thing between you and getting published is that publishers misunderstand your spelling and grammatical choices.  If only they appreciated your style!

3. Your writing teacher told you to “write what you know,” so you write the story of a tragically unappreciated author who finally snaps and starts murdering editors.

4. Your writing teacher told you to make your characters sound realistic, so you write your teen romance as a series of text-messages.  You receive a cryptic message from the publisher: “nothnxbai.”

5. Your main inspiration is Eragon.

18 responses so far

18 Responses to “Five signs that you should rethink your novel”

  1. Wingson 15 Apr 2009 at 9:05 pm

    Haha!

    – Wings

  2. Tom Ingramon 15 Apr 2009 at 9:08 pm

    I would definitely read a book about an unappreciated author who snaps and starts murdering editors. Someone should get working on that one.

  3. Holliequon 16 Apr 2009 at 1:18 am

    Darn, Tom got to it before I did! I would totally read a book like that. In fact, I might write it myself. After I have something else published so editors don’t just think I’m hating on them. Also, it would have to be a comedy.

    I loved #4. That was hilarious, especially since I’m one of the few teenagers who seems not to use textspeak. 🙂

  4. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 16 Apr 2009 at 1:46 am

    I once saw an episode of Inspector Rex like number three. This guy wrote about a toymaker whose ideas were stolen, so he used bombs strapped to toys to kill those who had stolen them. The author was rejected by a publisher, so he did the same thing his character did and began using toys to murder those who had rejected him.

  5. Avi Arunon 16 Apr 2009 at 1:48 am

    “kthnxbai”

    Is this supposed to mean “Okay, Thanks, Bye”?

  6. Tomon 16 Apr 2009 at 3:23 am

    Number 5 isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It depends on what you mean by ‘inspiration’. If you read Eragon and thought ‘I want to make a book just like that!’ then it’s a big no-no. If you read it and thought ‘if a 16 year old can make a bestseller, then so can I!’ then you’re on the right track.

  7. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 16 Apr 2009 at 5:03 am

    “I’m one of the few teenagers who seems not to use textspeak”.

    Iym lyke teh saym. Haha. I rarely use textspeak, even when I text! Full words are easier to understand.

  8. Lunajamniaon 16 Apr 2009 at 5:19 am

    That’s why I love my cell phone! It has a full keyboard ’cause that T-9 thing doesn’t work for me.

    Tom–true. I thought along those lines–that if a teen could be published that young, I can too. (though now I’m older and it still hasn’t happened). But, it DID encourage me to make a few more attempts at writing a book with elves and dragons in it (there wasn’t anything about ‘a chosen one’ in it though) and it was actually pretty good-or the other ones were-but I never finished it so I threw it away.

  9. B. Macon 16 Apr 2009 at 5:30 am

    Avi asked:

    Is this supposed to mean “Okay, Thanks, Bye?”

    Yeah.

  10. scribblaron 16 Apr 2009 at 11:36 am

    Tom, I recently got a signed copy of Feels like Stephen King. Similar premise. http://www.stevendeighan.co.uk/

    It’s a horror, though, and actually not really that similar now I think about it.

  11. Gurion Omegaon 16 Apr 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Haha! Yeah, I remember when I was younger, I had started on a novel that would make the entire Inheritance ‘cycle’ (stop lying to us Paolini, how many are they?!) look like a Pulitzer prize winner. I am totally on the lookout for amateurish grammatical choices.

  12. Gurion Omegaon 16 Apr 2009 at 1:22 pm

    I consider my texting skills well below average. Even in MMORPGs, I type full sentences. But I guess I’m bilingual when it comes to net-slang.

  13. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 16 Apr 2009 at 6:04 pm

    “I guess I’m bilingual when it comes to net-slang”.

    So am I, just a little. I regularly use net words in conversation.

    ME: “Oh my God! He totally pwned that guy with his BFG!”

    PARENTS: “Eh?”

    ME: “Oh, it means ‘he killed the guy with his big freaking gun’.”

    Haha.

  14. Wingson 16 Apr 2009 at 7:39 pm

    Kee kee kee. I’d love to do that, but I’m in enough trouble as it is.

    – Wings

  15. Asayaon 20 Apr 2009 at 2:50 pm

    I always make sure NOT to say stuff like that in the psychical realm. Because I always get flustered when it comes to explanations of modern kid-targeted stuff. I end up explaining it wrong, or mention somethin’ the wrong way (well….sometimes) and I’m banned from that kind of stuff. Yay!

  16. Gurion Omegaon 20 Apr 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Dang! That was me, Gurion Omega!

  17. Gurion Omegaon 20 Apr 2009 at 2:55 pm

    What I have to say about ‘5’: Brisingr was actually the best book, by far (or at least to me) in the Inheritance Cycle. Paolini has really gotten better in terms of concepts, characters, plots, and stuff….Too bad you can’t go back on the ‘Chosen one gets recruited into a rebellion against an evil ruler’ image.

  18. Gurion Omegaon 20 Apr 2009 at 2:55 pm

    But I am not inspired by it! Definitely!

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