“I hate reality television. If I wanted to see conmen humiliate themselves, I’d watch C-SPAN.”

Overheard at a college tutoring center…   

No, the Underground Railroad was not the world’s first subway system…   I don’t care what Wikipedia told you. 

The query is a letter written to an agent or publisher explaining what you’re writing and why they should want to represent/publish you. #Queryfail collects amusing anecdotes about authors that need to work a bit more on their pitch.

• “The only thing worse than ignoring guidelines because you think you’re special is actually telling me that in the query.” — AgentGame
• “Querying for a book you admit isn’t great, but saying you thought you’d take a shot at getting an agent anyway? Obnoxious.” — AgentGame
• “REMEMBER 50k words is not enough to get your novel published – most pubs want 75 – 120k novels!” –EelKat [B. Mac adds-- most of the advice I've seen in this field suggests that first-timers should stay south of 100,000 words, but some genres are more forgiving than others.]
• Before you query, read your first few pages aloud and tape-record yourself. I bet you’ll identify problems.
• All agents who received “Book Query 51″ today, raise your hand.

The author behind My Writer’s Block got off lucky with this one– it definitely wasn’t that easy for me to get rid of Vista. 

This reminds me of my freshman year, when Dell computers suddenly started melting (and at least once bursting into flames) across campus.  I signed on as a marketer for a team of computer guys who were selling homemade computers that were suddenly desirable.  Our motto was “one melted computer is a tragedy; a hundred melted computers are an opportunity.” 

Here’s an amusing excerpt from a Washington Post article…

“We are at a point where no one could have even imagined 15 years ago,” said Albert J. Lurigio, a professor of psychology and criminal justice at Loyola University who has written about electronic monitoring and privacy since a New Mexico judge, inspired by Spider-Man comics, became the first to sentence a defendant to home confinement with an electronic monitor. 

Does this mean we’re on the verge of surgically implanting explosive nanites in dangerous parolees? In your face, recidivism!

Repeat after me:  I believe in Antasari Azhar.  He’s the chairman of Indonesia’s main anti-corruption unit.  Err, former chairman.

The police…  threatened to arrest several commission officials on corruption charges of their own and in a bizarre case involving their former chairman, Antasari Azhar. In May, Mr. Antasari was arrested and accused of ordering the murder of a prominent businessman who was blackmailing him over an affair with their mutual love interest, a golf caddy, according to the news media.

I’m just getting back from San Diego.  If my brother had had the foresight to schedule his wedding a week later than he had, perhaps we could have done Comic-Con.  (Because comic books are obviously awesomer than real life… haha).  Here are some San Diego tips that might help you if you’re going to Comic-Con.

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The Washington Post reveals that Iranian’s crack spies are getting dangerously close to uncovering the conspiracy surrounding Iran’s democratic movement.

The governor of greater Tehran, Morteza Tamadon, a staunch Ahmadinejad ally, claimed Wednesday that 800 artists and academics who had visited the United States in recent years were trained to protest the election outcome.

I met one of them in Washington!  I don’t remember discussing how to protest election outcomes, or even how to statistically identify electoral fraud.  But then again, I would say that, wouldn’t I?

CNN reports that Iran has outed another party involved in this vast democratic conspiracy:  CNN!  A spokesperson for the Iranian government has more:

This is the CNN’s schedule. They officially trained the people to come and hack Iran’s government Web sites. This is the English text, I can give it to you. This is a cyber war.”

I cannot remember what I was doing last Saturday.  Perhaps I was getting drunk as a Mormon in a barrel of rum*.  Or perhaps I was actually training hackers to destablize the Iranian government and the CIA kindly implanted fake memories of $6 margaritas so that I couldn’t give up any information under torture.

*Not likely, given that I don’t drink.  If you think I can afford $6 margaritas on a writer’s salary, you must be factoring in the CIA/Mossad stipends I get every month.

Dark comedy aside, I wish the best to the people of Iran, but unfortunately protests against undemocratic regimes are rarely successful in the short term.  In the heat of the moment, the government has several major advantages, including all-but-unmatchable firepower.

Penn State recently released a workplace orientation video about potentially angry students, such as veterans. But which angry students did they miss?

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