May 24 2008

Return to Jim’s Gunz and Mattresses

Published by at 6:32 pm under Agent Black,Agent Orange,Comedy,Guns

Agent Orange, the mutated alligator, has a conversation with Agent Black about a firearm he purchased from Jim’s Gunz and Mattresses.

Agent Orange: Today it came to my attention that the firearm I bought from Jim, that treacherous mammal-salesman, is junk. My new firearm does not actually fire!

Agent Black: It’s a starter pistol. It’s not meant to fire.

Agent Orange: He intended to swindle me?

Agent Black: … Never mind. I wouldn’t recommend getting worked up over this. You’re never going to use that gun. It took you a month to figure out it was a starter pistol.

Agent Orange: Mammal-Black, you are missing the point. Jim’s Gunz and Mattresses is a den of fraud and larceny. Its merchandise is a pack of lies, wrapped in mammalian guile and extended warranties. And, as a mammal might say, its ringleader Jim is more morally dubious than a bar of wet soap.

Agent Black: …

Agent Black: I think the phrase is “slicker than a bar of wet soap.”

Agent Orange: What?

Agent Black: A bar of wet soap is slick, but not particularly morally dubious.

Agent Orange: That’s what it wants you to think!

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