May 24 2008
Return to Jim’s Gunz and Mattresses
Agent Orange, the mutated alligator, has a conversation with Agent Black about a firearm he purchased from Jim’s Gunz and Mattresses.
Agent Orange: Today it came to my attention that the firearm I bought from Jim, that treacherous mammal-salesman, is junk. My new firearm does not actually fire!
Agent Black: It’s a starter pistol. It’s not meant to fire.
Agent Orange: He intended to swindle me?
Agent Black: … Never mind. I wouldn’t recommend getting worked up over this. You’re never going to use that gun. It took you a month to figure out it was a starter pistol.
Agent Orange: Mammal-Black, you are missing the point. Jim’s Gunz and Mattresses is a den of fraud and larceny. Its merchandise is a pack of lies, wrapped in mammalian guile and extended warranties. And, as a mammal might say, its ringleader Jim is more morally dubious than a bar of wet soap.
Agent Black: …
Agent Black: I think the phrase is “slicker than a bar of wet soap.”
Agent Orange: What?
Agent Black: A bar of wet soap is slick, but not particularly morally dubious.
Agent Orange: That’s what it wants you to think!
