May 03 2008

Adios, Don Gato

Agent Black and everybody’s favorite mutated alligator, Agent Orange, have a heated argument about one of America’s most popular daily comic-strips, Don Gato.

Agent Orange: Greetings, Mammal-Black! It has come to my attention that millions of Americans are daily subjected to hateful cartoons posing as comedy and this troubles me.

Agent Black: Doonesbury isn’t that bad.

Agent Orange: No, you dummy! There is a vile comic strip that features a morbidly obese and spiteful cat that spends all of his time mocking humans and kicking their canine companions off of tables.

Agent Black: Don Gato isn’t hateful!

Agent Orange: The hell it isn’t. It makes KKK propaganda look like an after-school special. To restore our national honor, I have improved Don Gato by writing in another friendly companion for the human-mammal. Here, tell me what you think.

Agent Black: Don Gator?

Agent Orange: Indeed! Everything gets better when gators are added.

Agent Black: So, in this strip, the cat tries to kick Don Gator off the table… and the gator bites his leg off.

Agent Orange: Your visual acuity is always impressive, Mammal-Black.

Agent Black:

Agent Black: How is the audience meant to react to that?

Agent Orange: With laughter! Even children can appreciate the dramatic irony– Don Gato thinks that he can abuse the gator as easily as he has terrorized the hapless canine. But the audience knows very well that no one walks away from an attempted gator-kick.

Agent Black: I have a suggestion for you…

Agent Orange: Have the gator dance on the cat’s almost-lifeless body?

Agent Black: Don’t quit your day-job.

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