May 30 2008
Mike challenges Agent Black and Agent Orange to a game of Clue. Question: if the victim was killed by a noose, was it murder or assisted suicide?
Mike: Hello Black, Orange. The Office of Special Investigations got itself a board game franchise: OSI Clue.
He hands the box to Agent Black.
Agent Black, reading: “The OSI’s Director has been found dead, apparently murdered by one of his six lieutenants.”
Agent Orange: To no one’s surprise.
Agent Black, reading: “Play one of the six suspects and prove who killed Marty Stull, in what room, and with what weapon.”
Mike: Would you like to play?
Agent Orange: Frankly, this “investigation” is seedier than an overripe watermelon. Having the suspects investigate the crime does not seem very professional.
Agent Black: What he’s saying is that he knows he won’t win.
Agent Orange: …
Agent Orange: Foolish mammals! You never had a chance.
Five minutes later
Agent Black: I’ll say it was Captain Carnage, with a pipe, in the cafeteria.
Agent Orange: Fiendish mammal! I know very well that you have Captain Carnage in your hand.
Agent Black: Uhh… asking about cards that you have is a good strategy–
Agent Orange: –if you’re trying to conceal your own guilt! I think it was you, Agent Black, with your knife, in the training room.
Agent Black: I can disprove that.
Agent Orange: You would say that!
Agent Black hands Orange a card.
Agent Orange: Perhaps your alibi holds up… for now!
Ten minutes later
Mike: I’m ready to solve. The crime was committed in the auditorium, with a noose—
Agent Black: That’d be one hell of a murder.
Agent Orange: A public execution!
Mike: –by Agent Orange!
Agent Orange: That’s absurd. Why would I use a noose when I have teeth like these?
Mike reaches into the confidential envelope.
Mike: What the hell? There are nine cards in here and there’s only supposed to be three. Orange, what happened to your six cards?
Agent Orange: I’m not talking until my lawyer gets here.