May 07 2008

Quote of the Day: Questions

Agent Black and everybody’s favorite mutated alligator, Agent Orange, have a strange conversation about killing terrorists with sponge-cake. And other questions you never thought to ask!

Agent Orange: Greetings, Mammal-Black!

Agent Black: Wait, I’m getting a psychic premonition now… you have a bizarre question about humans for me.

Agent Orange: Aha! Your mammalian mind-tricks have failed you.

Agent Black, stunned: You don’t have a question for me? That’d be a first.

Agent Orange: I didn’t say that! My question is about you specifically rather than humans in general. You surely know that I am a wellspring of knowledge on many subjects, such as the hidden depredations of seeing eye dogs, seat-belts and the metric system. So why is it that you never ask me questions?

Agent Black: I think it takes an… uncommon mind to grasp that human “tailbones” are a conspiracy against reptiles.

Agent Orange: My mind is nothing if not uncommon, Mammal-Black!

Agent Black: You are righter than you know. However, until you mentioned the tailbone conspiracy, I was completely unaware of it. So how could I have asked you about it?

Agent Orange: Hmm. I suppose that is sound, but surely other questions have crossed your mind that I could provide insight into.

Agent Black: OK. I’ve heard some crazy things around the lunchroom. Is it true that you’ve accidentally killed a terrorist with a piece of sponge-cake, pop rocks and soda water?

Agent Orange: Accidentally, no. Intentionally, possibly.

Agent Black: Possibly? What happened?

Agent Orange: Have you ever seen the movie Alien? Well, it—

Agent Black: Actually, I’ve decided that I don’t want to know.

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