Defense Tech has an article on military exoskeletons. We haven’t reached the level of killer androids (yet), but strength-enhancement is interesting, too. (Also, if killer androids are in the works, exoskeletons will help programmers teach the androids how to move naturally, says one commenter).
This isn’t government-sponsored national service, but I think that twelve stitches and a hell of a lot of ass-kicking earn the tag.
A Tulsa newspaper reports that a Batman imposter walked into a grocery store and unsuccessfully tried to open fire. Then an airline mechanic tackled him from behind. Several minutes of unrelenting pounding ensued.
In Article 1, Section 8, the Constitution lists Congress’ authority to establish copyright protection for authors before its authority to declare war or raise an army, but after its power to establish a post office. Go figure!
“Ulysses is a totally incomprehensible book. Understanding it is like machine-gunning a pack of unicorns.Anyone that claims to have done either is lying, but should be institutionalized anyway.”
Agent Orange, paraphrasing Groucho Marx: “Outside of a dragon, a rocket launcher is certainly your best friend. Inside of a dragon, I’d recommend a gun.”
Web Gumbo provides a great picture of his unit mascot. You might wonder what a Marine mascot does. Deliver pep talks? Rally the fans? Please.
Agent Orange, our mutated alligator, says that “it’s not surprising that they turned to an alligator when they needed someone to scare and bond with Marines. Here you can see the gator playing Marco Polo with a Marine that is obviously enjoying the gator’s friendly and sociable company.”
Lash retorts retorts that “if the guy’s actually enjoying anything, it’s probably the thought that he will soon not be dangling over a watery grave.”
Agent Orange, our mutated alligator, provides us this unusual spin on a recent anecdote that American troops lack ammunition in Afghanistan.
An Army captain, possibly disgruntled because he’s doing a 2nd lieutenant’s job*, has claimed that his unit ran out of ammunition and had to forage from hostile forces. However, the mammalian-skewed media (MSM) has missed the broader point that life is decidedly more productive and interesting without guns. Although humans are not well-endowed with claws and their teeth are hardly elegant masterpieces of life-ending prowess, the advantages of even synthetic claws and dental pointyification are obvious.
Proven effectiveness: V for Vendetta, Star Wars, Crocodile Dundee 1-8, and the Boxer Rebellion all prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that firearms are completely ineffective against melee combatants. In Reign of Fire, the Kentucky National Guard kills a dragon (you can stop laughing now) with an axe.
Interoperability and combined armssynergies: when a supercriminal and I are slicing-and-dicing the hell out of each other, friendly-mammals like Agent Black are usually too scared to open fire on the two of us. (Mammals). If Black actually had a useful weapon, we would be able to fight together better.
There are, however, operational costs to be considered for a government-wide move to melee weaponry. Blah, blah, operational costs. There are more benefits, too. For example, staging suicides would make the work of government spokesmen considerably more enjoyable and fresh. “Hitler committed suicide by claw today.” Try saying that without smiling.
*Cadet Davis adds: Senator Obama’s Army Captain was probably referring to a platoon he had once led as a lieutenant.
Sigh. Apparently the Office of Special Investigation’s Agent Orange is not the only federally employed Agent Orange. It appears the FBI also has one. The OSI’s Agent Orange, the free-wheeling reptile, has more.
Dr. Darpa: Virtually every Office of Special Investigations agent uses a firearm as his primary weapon, but the vast majority of our kills are executed with non-gun weapons.
Captain Carnage: Every one of the criminals we deal with has steel-like skin, dodges bullets like they’ve gone out of style, or both.
Dr. Darpa: Over the past twelve years, I’ve been modifying tank-mounted machine guns to compensate for those unusual characteristics. I have created a handgun so horrifically lethal that Congress has limited its sale to NATO countries.
Captain Carnage: You mean…
Dr. Darpa: The Western Cannon.
Captain Carnage: I thought it was a myth!
Dr. Darpa: Mythically deadly, perhaps. With a full mound of ammo, it weighs roughly half a ton. It has three rates of fire: “full automatic,” “wall of lead,” and “dodge this.”
