Jun 20 2010

Best headline ever

Published by at 2:30 am under Comedy,I'm not making this up,News

Oh, please. Like it's never happened to you before.

25 responses so far

25 Responses to “Best headline ever”

  1. Wingson 28 Jun 2010 at 8:28 am

    …I am almost hoping that this came from a tabloid or something, because if it happens to be an official newspaper, I’m stocking up on microwaveable food and hiding from the crazy under my desk.

    – Wings

  2. Bronteson 28 Jun 2010 at 9:02 am

    I saw this at failblog, I think.

  3. B. Macon 28 Jun 2010 at 9:21 am

    I’m not sure if IrishCentral was the original newspaper, but it did eventually post the story. It strikes me as a tabloid site.

  4. ShardReaperon 28 Jun 2010 at 11:02 am

    If this is true…wow, just wow. That sounds like something out of a bad comedy sketch.

  5. B. Macon 28 Jun 2010 at 11:53 am

    It sounds like something out of a good comedy sketch! 🙂

  6. ShardReaperon 28 Jun 2010 at 12:12 pm

    That was created when the writers were doing some trippy stuff, yeah.

  7. NicKennyon 09 Aug 2010 at 5:03 am

    Where?

  8. B. Macon 09 Aug 2010 at 10:02 am

    It happened in Dublin.

  9. NicKennyon 09 Aug 2010 at 11:35 am

    Oh how we’ve fallen…… What the hell happened…..

  10. Wingson 09 Aug 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Since hiding from the crazy under my desk is not apparently a realistic option, I shall instead join the rest of you in mourning the state of the world.

    Mourn…mourn…MOURN!

    – Wings

  11. NicKennyon 09 Aug 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Wings

    Mourn the state of the world? I’m Irish. I’m mourning us. When did we suddenly become the world’s most stupid nation.

  12. Wingson 09 Aug 2010 at 4:13 pm

    If this headline was intended seriously at all, then the world is indeed in need of mourning. 😉

    – Wings

  13. B. Macon 09 Aug 2010 at 8:01 pm

    I wouldn’t recommend reading too much into three crazy people and one asinine newspaper. It’s not like the Irish “man on the street” was egging them on. Now, as for caring about soccer, I think that’s harder to excuse. 😉 Everybody in Ireland is a co-conspirator! 🙂

  14. NicKennyon 10 Aug 2010 at 4:54 am

    B.Mac If you don’t think the typical Irishman would be egging them on you have no understanding of Irish culture. We have our own word for crazy shit like that = the craic. For example, on the Late Late Show, this being Ireland’s biggest and most watched TV show, the host, Ryan Tubridy, asked Michael Buble whether or not he had ever had a stalker. Buble said “Well… I had this fan once…” and then paused and someone in the back of the studio audience yelled “Nooooooooooooo!”. And as for soccer, you’re American, you probably don’t like soccer cause it doesn’t have enough breaks during a match. And besides, you call your baseball league the World Series. I think I’m misssing something here…

  15. B. Macon 10 Aug 2010 at 9:34 am

    “And as for soccer, you’re American, you probably don’t like soccer cause it doesn’t have enough breaks during a match.”

    1) Referees have a huge impact on the course of the game. Penalty kicks win games. (Also, I’m uncomfortable about throwing out players for penalties that are so subjective and where pretty much every player pushes the envelope).

    2) As far as I can tell, hockey is similar to soccer, but superior in most every way. It’s faster-paced, wastes much less time with wildly kicked balls (because of icing penalties), has a much better system of penalty resolution (power plays rather than game-breaking penalty kicks), and much, MUCH less theatrics from players flopping for a penalty call. Balling > brawling > bawling.

    3) I get the impression that hockey and (U.S.) football are cleaner (less corrupt) sports than soccer. Like the Italian referee scandal, for example. Admittedly, I’m young, but I’ve never heard of anything like that happening in the U.S. in the past ~50 years. However, if American sports hinged as much on referees as soccer did, I think it would happen here, too.

    4) U.S. sports almost never end in ties, particularly 0-0 ties. (In 2008, there was a 13-13 tie in football and it was so unheard-of that some long-time players were surprised to learn that games COULD end in a tie). If the game has ended with neither team having scored, what was the point of fielding the teams?

    5) I’m not really comfortable with the ethnic/religious/racial component. Apparently racism is pretty serious in soccer, serious enough that they come up with ads like “let’s kick racism out of soccer.” The racial composition of pretty much every team within the United States is pretty much the same as each of its competitors, so even the most drunken football fan doesn’t have much reason to break out the racial slurs. Also, U.S. professional teams don’t have much of a religious/ethnic component to the fan-base. Games against the Utah Jazz don’t devolve into “us against the Mormons.” (At the collegiate level, some of that does go on, though).

  16. NicKennyon 10 Aug 2010 at 1:12 pm

    B.Mac… I’m not even going to start.
    As Terry Pratchett wrote in Unseen Academicals. “The thing about football, the important thing about football, is that it’s not just about football.”

    BTW Football is the european term for soccer.

  17. B. Macon 10 Aug 2010 at 2:14 pm

    “BTW Football is the european term for soccer.” I know! That’s why I referred to (real) football as (U.S.) football. I wouldn’t want to confuse anybody with that association stuff.

    PS: Soccer is not actually the most singularly unenjoyable spectator sport I have come across. I could envision SOME circumstances in which I might actually watch a soccer game. Golf, not so much. (I am very fond of playing miniature golf, though).

  18. NicKennyon 10 Aug 2010 at 2:26 pm

    ??? People watch golf? That’s like watching cricket! It goes on for days! Never watch a sport that goes on for longer than 2 and a half hours max.

  19. B. Macon 10 Aug 2010 at 2:40 pm

    It’s about 2:45 in baseball. This means that a baseball season with 162 games (ouch) would take ~450 hours to watch. I could finish an undergraduate thesis in 450 hours. In contrast, a professional football game lasts about 3 hours, so a regular season is just ~50 hours. A U.S. soccer season takes only about 45 hours–it just FEELS like decades.

    My theory is that hitting people makes the sport feel faster-paced.

  20. NicKennyon 10 Aug 2010 at 3:55 pm

    A US soccer season may feel like forever but you cant judge football on that league. I myself do not watch the League of Ireland as the class of football played is reminiscent of my own soccer club. A good example of proffesionalism within my team was our captain shouting “Will you all stop ****ing cursing.” and he never realised the irony. *sigh* This captain of hours, our most responsable team member, has been booked more times than I can remember and sent-off more times than anyone in our league. EVER. Irish football is not very good. However, though the world cup was quite poor and I admit I struggled to give a **** for some games. Watching Germany play (apart from against Spain) showed the best football I’ve seen. Particularly against Argentina. I’ve also noticed that you’ve continued to ignore the “World Series” dig. And as to hitting people makes a sport better, we have a game called hurling, second fastest ball game in the world. A lot of people get injured. I don’t think I can describe it well, check wikipedia.

  21. B. Macon 10 Aug 2010 at 5:30 pm

    “I’ve also noticed that you’ve continued to ignore the ‘World Series’ dig.” I care more about whether I find the sport fun to watch or not* than what the championship series is called.

    It’d be like complaining that soccer’s championship is called the “World Cup” even though only about 16% of the world’s nations actually make the cut. It’s besides the point, isn’t it?

    *I’d enjoy baseball more if the games were more competitive and the seasons were shorter.

  22. Foxon 10 Aug 2010 at 7:01 pm

    “Games against the Utah Jazz don’t devolve into “us against the Mormons.””

    Yeah. Games against the Utah Jazz devolve into “us against the best team ever.”

    -dodges bricks-

    On-topic, that is the best headline I’ve ever seen. Congrats to whoever managed to convince the paper to publish it.

  23. B. Macon 10 Aug 2010 at 7:35 pm

    “Yeah. Games against the Utah Jazz devolve into “us against the best team ever.”” The Jazz were a very good team, but they (and Ewing/Stark) peaked at exactly the wrong time to be a non-Chicagoan. At least Olajuwon snagged a pair of championships while Jordan was working on Space Jam. 😉

    The Bulls were the first team I followed growing up, which has raised my expectations so stratospherically high that I will assuredly be disappointed no matter which team I follow. Nobody should be that good.

    And, if they ARE that good, they probably have personality problems that render the locker room a toxic wasteland. I am cautiously optimistic that LeBron James’ nefariously unselfish willingness to accept a paycut and a somewhat reduced offensive role in exchange for moving to a team with other good players will explode so disastrously that Miami’s humiliated denizens will forever curse Cleveland for inflicting him on Miami. “We had such a good chance with Dwayne Wade before LBJ ruined him…” Yesssss.

  24. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 10 Aug 2010 at 11:59 pm

    While we’re talking about football, Aussie football sucks. We call it AFL – Australian Football League, and EVERYONE watches it. I hate it. What’s so manly about men running around in tiny shorts, wrestling for a ball?

    I know nothing about American Football. Haha. But I WAS on my school’s football team (aka soccer) when I was twelve. We kicked the crap out of the kids from the public school. 😉

    Also, that headline? Pfft, that happens all the time at my school, just replace “sumo wrestler” with “House Mascot”, “ex-girlfriend” with “other House Mascot” and Snickers bar with “yet another House Mascot”. We have six houses, named after Saints. On interschool sports days the mascots end up doing fisticuffs on the oval. It’s awesome to watch, haha.

  25. NicKennyon 11 Aug 2010 at 1:13 am

    “It’d be like complaining that soccer’s championship is called the “World Cup” even though only about 16% of the world’s nations actually make the cut. It’s besides the point, isn’t it?”

    But B.mac the important point your missing here is that every nation with a soccer team enters the qualifying stage. They all have a chance of making the world cup.

    As opposed to the world series which consists of…1 country.

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