Jun 30 2010

Generate your own plots!

Published by at 10:06 pm under Comedy,Plot Generators,Plotting

Step 1: Randomly pick an inciting event, an antagonist, a protagonist and a goal.

INCITING EVENT

  • cheated on
  • kidnapped
  • impaled on a national landmark
  • thrown out of a window
  • mentally mutilated
  • disowned
  • fired
  • hired
  • drafted
  • mugged
  • kicked down the stairs
  • put in the poor house
  • brutally murdered
  • psychically ravaged
  • drop-kicked in Times Square
  • publically serenaded
  • mistaken for a felon
  • exiled
  • sent on a one-way trip to Djibouti
  • interrogated
  • sold a [adjective] pet
  • implicated
  • sold into slavery
  • deceived
  • misidentified
  • sued
  • infected
  • ruined
  • mistakenly tackled
  • swindled
  • blacklisted
  • judo-chopped through a wall
  • poisoned
  • framed
  • drunk under the table
  • thrown into a pit of carnivorous gophers
  • beaten in the World Series of Poker
  • outed as a superhero
  • humiliated
  • betrayed
  • forced to read Twilight
  • thrown into a wood-chipper
  • blackmailed
  • tricked
  • nearly decapitated
  • rear-ended
  • magically turned into a man-eating llama


ANTAGONIST

  • the CIA
  • rogue elements of the Brazilian government
  • a shadowy conspiracy apparently involving [ANTAGONIST] and [ANTAGONIST]
  • a [adjective] cabbie
  • a [adjective] pizza boy
  • a [adjective] henchman of [ANTAGONIST]
  • Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz
  • West Virginia’s Postmaster General
  • a deranged scientist
  • a [adjective] Mensa splinter group
  • a [adjective] ex-lover
  • a [adjective] caddy
  • a [adjective] terrorist
  • Benjamin Franklin, alive and [adjective]
  • a [adjective] jury foreman
  • a [adjective] American Idol semi-finalist
  • three cheerleaders and [ANTAGONIST]
  • a [adjective] mob of tween girls
  • the town coroner
  • a psychopath that believes himself to be Batman
  • a psychopath that actually is Batman
  • a [adjective] assassin
  • a Playboy centerfold working for [ANTAGONIST]
  • a [adjective] sorcerer
  • the publishing industry
  • a [adjective] mentor
  • a [adjective] prosecutor
  • a [adjective] businessman
  • a notably [adjective] company
  • the world’s most [adjective] clown
  • New Guinea
  • FIFA
  • Oasis, the best British band since the Beatles
  • Jerry Bruckheimer
  • a [adjective] squirrel
  • a [adjective] doctor whose medical studies were apparently limited to mass murder

PROTAGONIST

  • a thinly-veiled stand-in for the author
  • Dan Brown
  • a [adjective] teenager
  • a [adjective] plastic surgeon
  • a [adjective] hippie
  • Richard Nixon
  • the [adjective] ghost of Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • a [adjective] scientist
  • two unlikely partners, [PROTAGONIST] and [PROTAGONIST],
  • a [adjective] dinosaur
  • a [adjective] Zamboni driver
  • a [adjective] Squeegee master
  • a [adjective] mailman
  • the new kid at school
  • a [adjective] whistleblower
  • a British spy with major commitment issues
  • a [adjective] ninja
  • a [adjective] athlete
  • a cruel but occasionally [adjective] blogger
  • a [adjective] publisher’s assistant
  • a [adjective] porn star
  • a [adjective] academic who is not at all Dan Brown
  • a [adjective] cop
  • a [adjective] USAF communications officer
  • a [adjective] priest
  • a [adjective] zombie
  • a rapper with a terminal case of Caucasianness
  • a [adjective] New York Times columnist
  • [PROTAGONIST] with a Ph. D. in pain
  • an anachronistically hygienic Knight of the Round Table
  • the cast of Friends
  • a [adjective] chess star
  • a spy living as [PROTAGONIST]
  • a [adjective] State Department flunky
  • a [adjective] accountant that hates alligators
  • a [adjective] scientist that should have known better
  • a [adjective] extraterrestrial
  • Secret Service agent Tom Sawyer
  • Samuel L. Jackson
  • a badass cop who may or may not be Samuel L. Jackson depending on his availability for the movie
  • a [adjective] politician
  • a [adjective] vagrant
  • a [adjective] politician that is also a vagrant
  • a [adjective] hostage negotiator
  • a [adjective] mistress of [PROTAGONIST]
  • a [adjective] private eye
  • a crack-dealing serial killer with a heart of gold
  • a grade-schooler with a penchant for mischief and grand larceny
  • a [adjective] student
  • a [adjective] inventor
  • Keanu Reeves
  • a [adjective] fighter jockey with nothing to lose
  • a [adjective] dog-catcher
  • a [adjective] Senator
  • a [adjective] princess
  • a [adjective] hitman
  • [PROTAGONIST] and an American Idol with a dark secret
  • a [adjective] Ebola patient
  • a [adjective] hacker on the run for his life
  • a superhero with a secret identity as [PROTAGONIST]

GOAL

  • leave a trail of bodies that makes Omaha Beach look like Candyland.
  • discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book.
  • destroy all the evidence.
  • solve his own murder.
  • achieve revenge by becoming a [adjective] FBI agent.
  • channel the soul of Chuck Norris to kick ass and take names.
  • win the trial of the century.
  • pray that the moral of the story does not involve him sacrificing himself for the greater good.
  • save a notable metropolitan area from an improbably large reptile.
  • disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday.
  • get promoted from Vice President to streetwise pimp.
  • kill everybody involved, preferably starting with the author.
  • celebrate the untimely demise of a loved one.
  • give up either his dog or the Newbery Medal.
  • convince a skeptical publisher that there is some market for protagonists besides beautiful white women and the supernatural (and hawt!) creatures that adore them.
  • land a lucrative contracting before the publisher realizes he and the author are actually Chris Paolini.
  • drop more bodies than an epileptic pallbearer.
  • woo the love interest without getting busted for sexual harassment.
  • learn a new dialect of pain.
  • convince Santa Claus not to conquer the world.
  • defeat Santa Claus by fomenting a violent elfin strike.
  • master the elements.
  • learn that asking dinosaurs for help can only end with everybody dying.
  • frame his sidekick for murder.
  • defeat an [adjective] alien invasion.
  • conquer Switzerland.
  • acquire a time machine in order to [GOAL]
  • acquire some thoroughly forgettable plot item in a country that’s been in the news recently.
  • get somebody to notice that Switzerland has been conquered.
  • beg readers for forgiveness.
  • steal an advance copy of Grand Theft Automaton.
  • convince the Rotary Club that it was all an elaborate setup.
  • land a spot on Death Row in order to [GOAL]
  • successfully disqualify himself from jury duty.
  • lead the Free Ponies and Ice Cream Party to a landslide victory.
  • win a White Castle eating contest.
  • steal the identity of a dead man to [GOAL]
  • save the Internets from a gremlin invasion.
  • steal a piece of jewelry guarded by hundreds of cameras and lasers but curiously few guards.
  • realize that it was all a dream.
  • recover from the world’s worst hangover in time to [GOAL]
  • save the President from a superpowered assassin, The Jackalope.
  • convince Mossad that he’s not a suicide bomber, just a Dell customer.
  • secure his place in a hall of fame, so that he can [GOAL]
  • learn how to drive without splattering his brains across the sidewalk.
  • repeal the law of gravity.
  • recover the pants he was wearing last night in order to [GOAL]
  • convince the American people that Lady Gaga is actually Phase 3 of an alien invasion.
  • do battle with the villain in an iconic building in the public domain.
  • become [adjective] in order to [goal]
  • return to his home-world.
  • pretend to be a Canadian to [goal]
  • car-jack a dump-truck filled with baking soda in order to make a weapon of mass destruction.
  • land a role in the school play.
  • beat somebody with his own pimp.
  • upload a virus onto his own iPod in order to [GOAL]
  • defeat an occult conspiracy by deciphering a code hidden in My Little Pony.
  • save the world by punching a polar bear in the face.
  • convince the love of his life that he is not actually [ANTAGONIST].
  • convince a casting director that he was born to play [PROTAGONIST].
  • [GOAL].. using only a pocket wrench!
  • [GOAL].. in Japan!
  • [GOAL].. in space!
  • [GOAL].. in New York City!
  • [GOAL].. in an alternate reality with no seat belts!
  • [GOAL].. with his own death!
  • [GOAL].. with a plan he set into motion as he died!
  • [GOAL].. in a submarine powered by baby seals!
  • [GOAL].. in less than two days!
  • [GOAL].. with two tons of cocaine in his trunk!
  • [GOAL].. without violating the terms of his parole!
  • [GOAL].. in a Guatemalan prison!
  • [GOAL].. in somebody else’s body!
  • [GOAL].. with only half a clip of ammo!
  • [GOAL].. without forgetting where he left the money!
  • solve the mystery of why 99% of NYC murders are apparently committed by white businessmen.
  • convince his new driver that brakes aren’t for wusses.

Step 2: If any of your selections mentioned an [adjective], use one of the following:

ADJECTIVE (if necessary)

  • love-lorn
  • master
  • precocious
  • roguish
  • swanky
  • arrogant
  • washed-up
  • brusque but lovable
  • heterosexual
  • enigmatic
  • retired
  • zesty
  • unkillable
  • accomplished
  • legendary
  • off-the-hook
  • off-the-chain
  • off-the-grid
  • ancient
  • tactless
  • superpowered
  • remorseful
  • deranged
  • contemptible but romantic
  • secretive
  • badass
  • renegade
  • disgruntled
  • sexy
  • reformed
  • Amish
  • Gypsy
  • aristocratic
  • vigorous
  • wussy
  • senselessly [adjective]
  • luridly [adjective]
  • improbably [adjective]
  • obnoxiously [adjective]
  • thoroughly [adjective]
  • allegedly [adjective]
  • inexplicably [adjective]
  • spectacularly [adjective]
  • insufficiently [adjective]
  • implausibly [adjective]
  • gloriously [adjective]
  • unintentionally [adjective]
  • startlingly [adjective]
  • gratuitously [adjective]
  • morbidly [adjective]
  • magnificently [adjective]
  • unusually [adjective]
  • apparently [adjective]
  • Canadian
  • jittery
  • bookish but rugged
  • innocent
  • cannibalistic
  • bitchy
  • sorcerous
  • wry
  • cheerful
  • dynamic
  • Russophobic
  • Francophobic
  • Switzophobic
  • cultured
  • athletic
  • lazy
  • rebellious
  • bumbling
  • old
  • violent but otherwise amiable
  • violent but charitable
  • politically savvy
  • streetwise
  • fragile
  • articulate
  • soon-to-die
  • truculent
  • spry
  • underachieving
  • macabre
  • rancorous
  • shrill
  • bankrupt
  • graceful
  • trusting
  • naive
  • bigoted
  • terse
  • glamorous
  • grotesque
  • cryptic
  • silent
  • ill-mannered
  • dangerous
  • burnt-out
  • stylish
  • erudite
  • race-baiting
  • villainous
  • mature
  • fanatical
  • flaky
  • cowardly
  • generous
  • dark
  • egotistical
  • felonious
  • puppy-kicking
  • desperate
  • vengeful
  • Matrix-obsessed
  • clingy
  • stealthy
  • mystical
  • wayward
  • shell-shocked
  • Eurocentric
  • seedy
  • petty
  • wild-eyed
  • supernatural
  • magical
  • occult
  • cruel
  • monocle-sporting
  • screwed
  • melancholy
  • hypochrondriac
  • homicidal
  • blunt
  • tragically [adjective]
  • fast-living
  • Southern
  • shifty
  • incompetent
  • surly
  • crude
  • misanthropic
  • philosophical
  • confusing
  • suicidal
  • reckless
  • occult
  • anti-American
  • fickle
  • defiant
  • pyromaniac
  • greedy
  • thuggish
  • wandering
  • drug-addicted
  • human-like
  • long-forgotten
  • repulsive
  • debaucherous
  • high-rolling
  • jolly
  • wannabe
  • prospective
  • persuasive
  • cunning
  • inept

Step 3: If you have any remaining bracketed phrases to resolve, do so now. For example, if your villain was “a traitorous [PROTAGONIST],” randomly pick a protagonist.

Step 4: Use your words to make a sentence. “After getting [INCITED] by [ANTAGONIST], [PROTAGONIST] must [GOAL].”

Here are a few samples.

  • After getting drafted by New Guinea, a reformed mailman must leave a trail of bodies that makes the beaches of Normandy look like Candyland.
  • After getting cheated on by Jerry Bruckheimer, a renegade chess star must save the President from a superpowered assassin, the Jackalope.
  • After getting impaled on a national landmark by a traitorous inventor, a curiously human-like politician must convince the American people that Lady Gaga is actually Phase 3 of an alien invasion.

14 responses so far

14 Responses to “Generate your own plots!”

  1. B. Macon 30 Jun 2010 at 10:18 pm

    –After being forced to read Twilight by a Playboy centerfold working for the CIA, a shifty dinosaur must destroy all the evidence.

    –After getting fired by Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, a fast-living politician must convince his new driver that brakes aren’t for wusses… in Japan!

    –After getting brutally murdered by Ron Paul, a grade schooler with a penchant for mischief and grand larceny must disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday.



    I’ll be really, really happy if P. Mac can code this into a random generator for me, like they have on Seventh Sanctum. Going through each table manually is pretty awkward.

  2. Jessie Macon 30 Jun 2010 at 10:50 pm

    Very cool list, B. Mac.

    Apologies for the psychedelic ravings on my last post – it happens when you’re sleep deprived sometimes. It’s 630am and I’ve not slept either so I will try and refrain myself but thought if I don’t respond now; I may forget tomorrow.

    Hey, saw the link to my blog – thanks mate. Created a link to Superhero Nation ; )

    -After getting transmogrified by a shadowy conspiracy apparently involving the Catholic Church and Jay-Z calling themselves NOSLEEP a totally screwed extraterrestrial hitman poorly disguised as Jessie Mac must disprove the Heisenberg Principle, preferably before he explodes next Thursday due to lack of sleep that NOSLEEP used to poison him.

    I’ll go before insomniac ravings burst forth and destroy the earth to smithereens. Hurraaaaaah!

    See you around.

    ~Until I sleep the Internet will be my playground.

  3. Contra Gloveon 01 Jul 2010 at 12:02 am

    After getting drafted by an unusually violent pizza boy, a swanky extraterrestrial must convince Mossad that he’s not a terrorist, just a Dell customer…in Japan!

  4. Bronteson 01 Jul 2010 at 6:42 am

    After being humiliated by a drunken cabbie, Richard Nixon must discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book… in space!

  5. B. Macon 01 Jul 2010 at 7:04 am

    “After being thrown into a wood-chipper by the evil twin of the ghost of Martin Luther King Jr., a washed-up hippie must learn how to drive without splattering his brains across the sidewalk.”

    “After being humiliated by a drunken cabbie, Richard Nixon must discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book… in space!” I am 60% sure that summarizes at least one Futurama episode. Also, it’s only a Richard Nixon and a drunken cabbie short of being Star Trek.

  6. Bronteson 01 Jul 2010 at 7:20 am

    Really? hahaha I don’t watch that much Futurama, and haven’t seen an episode of Star Trek in my life haha.

  7. B. Macon 01 Jul 2010 at 9:47 am

    “After getting drafted by an unusually violent pizza boy, a swanky extraterrestrial must convince Mossad that he’s not a terrorist, just a Dell customer…in Japan!”

    Haha, I love that.

  8. ShardReaperon 01 Jul 2010 at 1:43 pm

    After being cheated on by a Playboy centerfold working for the CIA, a renegade zamboni driver must fornicate with everyone on to stop the Japanese polar bear invasion!

  9. B. Macon 01 Jul 2010 at 2:22 pm

    After getting drop-kicked in Times Square by a wayward squirrel, a startlingly inept hitman must convince the love of his life that he is not actually a drunken cabbie.

    PS: I’ve added a few entries to each of the lists, including the goal “save the world by punching a polar bear in the face.” 😉

  10. […] cool and fun way of getting my head around writing a 25 word summary of my plot at […]

  11. B. Macon 02 Jul 2010 at 8:44 am

    These ones aren’t random, but I think they’re pretty funny anyway.

    –After getting impaled on a national monument by a senselessly secretive priest, a bookish but rugged academic who is not at all Dan Brown must pursue revenge by becoming a superpowered FBI agent. (GUARANTEED best-seller).

    After getting sold an inexplicably dangerous product by a shifty businessman, a misanthropic teenager must convince Mossad that he’s not a suicide bomber, just a Dell customer.

    –After getting drafted by a gratuitously secretive mentor, a thinly-veiled stand-in for the author must land a lucrative contracting before the publisher realizes the author is actually Chris Paolini.

  12. alxrgrson 14 Jul 2010 at 5:07 pm

    After getting magically turned into a man-eating llama by a heterosexual American Idol semi-finalist, the insufficiently super-powered ghost of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the drug-addicted cast of Friends must defeat an occult conspiracy by uncovering the code hidden in My Little Pony and discover that the love interest is the only other racial minority in the book… in space! And with only one clip of ammo.

  13. Anonymouson 21 Apr 2016 at 11:27 am

    I randomly poked the screen while scrolling and this is what I got…
    After getting interrogated by the town corner, Badass pornstar Drake must SAVE THE internet from Gremlins.
    How would I make that work:) ….

  14. B. McKenzieon 22 Apr 2016 at 5:16 pm

    Well, saving one Internet from gremlins is really easy. I think saving all the Internets would take a badass. And/or a porn star.

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