Jul 01 2010

Who’s your favorite author? (Also, let’s wildly stereotype you!)

If you’re into ridiculously petty literary squabbles, you might get a kick out of this amusing list of reader stereotypes based on favorite authors.  Just don’t take it seriously. I thought these two were funny. 

James Patterson fans: Men who bomb the LSAT.

Stephenie Meyer fans: “People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3 <3.”  [But they’ll still complain when you misspell Stephenie!]

Here are some of my own. 

Aldous Huxley fans: People that have FAR too much fun to survive to 40. From his masterpiece’s Wikipedia entry: “…They turn on each other, in a frenzy of beating and chanting that devolves into a mass orgy of [drugs] and sex.”  Make that 35. 

Tom Clancy fans: Guys that like guns but have never actually carried one. 

James Joyce fans: Guys that like James Joyce books but have never actually read one. 

Franz Kafka fans: I think they’re the people that run airports.  It’s the only possible explanation. 

H.G. Wells fans: If they ever had a time machine, their first act would be erasing George Lucas from history.  (Could you wait until Return of the Jedi? Thanks). 

Charles Dickens fans: Readers that think a book is twice as enjoyable if it’s twice as long.

Lorraine Hansberry fans: Jeopardy writers.  I’ll take 1970s Tony-Winning Adaptations for $2000, Alex! 

18 responses so far

18 Responses to “Who’s your favorite author? (Also, let’s wildly stereotype you!)”

  1. Bronteson 01 Jul 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Where’s Frank Herbert and Tolkien?!

  2. B. Macon 01 Jul 2010 at 7:21 pm

    The author’s original list also left out Kafka. Grr…

    Also, understandably, the list was rather short on comic book writers. 😉 Mine too, but mainly out of professional caution.

  3. Bronteson 01 Jul 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Yeah, I’m missing Grant Morrison, Alan Moore and pre-ASsBAR goddamned Miller…

  4. Loysquaredon 01 Jul 2010 at 7:46 pm

    So, according to this list: I’m a smart geek with a bondage fetish, who can’t lie, but will instead be silent if I know you don’t want to hear the truth. I’m, also, a female [impersonator] high-school French teacher with a master’s degree… hahaha…that’s weird…

    And what about: J.J.R. Tolkien, Dante Alighieri, Dan Brown, Miguel de Cervantes, Paulo Coelho, Fiodor Dostoievski, and Umberto Ecco. Those are pretty famous, and should be funny too!

  5. Loysquaredon 01 Jul 2010 at 7:50 pm

    Oh, and Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin. That should be a good one!

  6. B. Macon 02 Jul 2010 at 7:18 am

    Dostoievski is on the list under an alternate spelling (“Fyodor Dostoevsky”).

  7. […] list of reader stereotypes based on favorite authors. Superhero Nation’s B. Mac offers a few more. Stephenie Meyer fans: “People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3 […]

  8. […] list of reader stereotypes based on favorite authors. Superhero Nation’s B. Mac offers a few more. Stephenie Meyer fans: “People who type like this: OMG. Mah […]

  9. Wingson 02 Jul 2010 at 6:31 pm

    “J.K. Rowling – Smart geeks.”

    Well, I can live with that.

    – Wings

  10. B. Macon 02 Jul 2010 at 6:44 pm

    I sort of get the impression that she was unusually kind to Rowling because Rowling has an unusual degree of popular appeal and there isn’t an obvious knock against her writing. (Okay, well, Harry’s hormonal attacks in the later books are sort of unintentionally comical).

    Aside from that, there isn’t much (anything?) in the Harry Potter remotely as awful as what you’d find in any page of the Twilight series or a Dan Brown book. Umm, the later books were generally poorly edited and too long, but I think that’s true of pretty much every modern bestseller. (In particular, Tom Clancy’s editors would much rather print an over-long book than risk delays).

  11. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 03 Jul 2010 at 9:09 am

    J.K. Rowling

    Smart geeks.

    Jane Austen (or Bronte Sisters)

    Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.

    Charles Dickens

    Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.

    Lewis Carroll

    People who move to Thailand after high school for the drug scene.

    C.S. Lewis

    Youth group leaders who picked their nose in the 4th grade.

    Douglas Adams

    People who bought the first generation Amazon Kindle.

    James Patterson

    Men who score a 153 on their LSAT exam.

    And I have never read Gaiman, but I CAN name at least two Miyazaki films and I own several. 😉 (Ponyo, My Neighbour Totoro, Howl’s Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away, I also have movies he has worked on but not directed, like Tales from Earthsea.)

    Anyway, all of these stereotypes are wrong. Except the “smart geek” one. 😉

  12. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 03 Jul 2010 at 9:20 am

    That should be “DIDN’T direct”. Gah. Stupid tired brain. Stupid 12:20 AM. D:

  13. B. Macon 03 Jul 2010 at 11:08 am

    Of the seven stereotypes that I qualify for, at most two are remotely accurate: maybe “smart geek,” depending on who you ask and their level of inebriation, and “guys [Lauren Leto] wants to sleep with,” though I suspect she’d dump me for refusing to enact literary scenes in the bedroom.

  14. Tennwriteron 03 Jul 2010 at 3:44 pm

    Indeed, hilariously wrong. The host’s slam on Tom Clancy is far better. It fits me. I like guns, but I have not used them that much. And I talked to another writer today who had been in the Navy who read Clancy, but complained that he took six pages to describe a watertight door. And yes, I like Clancy.

    I said that Clancy made me realize how claustrophobic Robert Ludlum felt in comparison.

  15. B. Macon 03 Jul 2010 at 4:00 pm

    “And I talked to another writer today who had been in the Navy who read Clancy, but complained that he took six pages to describe a watertight door.” Haha.

    When I read through a Clancy book, I skip any chapter set on a submarine. If a boat suddenly disappears, I chalk it up to the submarine and move on. Voila! That instantly does half of the editing that his “editor” should have.

    That said, even as recently as the Bear and the Dragon (2000), I think that he has been rather good. Not coincidentally, it did not have a submarine. [CORRECTION: Err, not quite. According to Google Books, the word “submarine” turns up on hit on page 991].

  16. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 03 Jul 2010 at 6:32 pm

    ” “Skipped school by hiding out in the gym.” Lulz. I skipped gym by hiding out in the library”.

    Me too! 😀 I hate phys ed class. T.T

    I dropped out of it when I reached year eleven (year eleven students usually turn sixteen while in that grade, unless they were moved up or held back). And now in year twelve, I’m still not doing it. Woot for laziness! I prefer studying art anyway, even though I can’t draw for shiitake mushrooms. 😉

  17. NicKennyon 08 Jul 2010 at 8:51 am

    Terry Pratchett?

  18. B. Macon 08 Jul 2010 at 2:11 pm

    I didn’t feel like I knew his works or fanbase well enough, but if I did it would assuredly be easy to come up with something better than “guys that like monkeys.”

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply