Jan 27 2008

Nooooooo!

Published by at 4:50 pm under Agent Orange,Comedy,Guns

Sigh. Apparently the Office of Special Investigation’s Agent Orange is not the only federally employed Agent Orange. It appears the FBI also has one. The OSI’s Agent Orange, the free-wheeling reptile, has more.

The registry of federal employees once switched our names and we got each other’s mail for about a month. At first it was amusing to see the many kinds of automatic weapons advertised to my FBI counterpart. But after my fifth reminder to Check Out These Barely Legal Guns! I curtly informed the registrar that any more such affronts to alligator decency would result in his prompt termination. Gator Nation was in my box the next morning.

Before the ordeal was over, two bottles of his hair-gel were sent to my address. He told me to keep them. Agent Black wandered in one day and noticed that I had hair gel in my office. Now Black spites me with shampoo, a hairbrush or conditioner every December 25. I’ve begun to retaliate with scale-polishers and claw-sharpeners and floss-mops* on International Reptile Day, but sadly the hair-care market is more developed than gator-care.

*A floss-mop makes flossing more time-efficient for reptiles and other big game hunters on the go, as you can imagine. It also guarantees that I’ll have my own hotel room on business trips.

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