Jan 28 2008

Scenelet of the Day

Agent Orange and Agent Black step onto an elevator in the lobby.

 

Agent Orange, to bystanders: Y’all seem like nice people. I’d hate to see you get cut down with a chaingun.

 

Bystanders file out of elevator.

 

Agent Orange: Communications check.

 

Captain Carnage: I hear you, Team 2.

 

Agent Orange: Explosives.

 

Agent Black: Check.

 

Agent Orange: A warrant.

 

Agent Black: Check.

 

Agent Orange hits the Emergency Stop button just short of the 12th floor.

 

Agent Orange: Team 2 in position, over. Ammunition.

 

Agent Black: Uhh. Uhh…

 

Agent Black fumbles around in his pockets.

 

Agent Orange: What does “uhh” mean?

 

Agent Black: 20 pistol rounds.

 

Captain Carnage: On my command…

 

Agent Orange: (20 rounds, the way you fire?) Command, Team 2 has a problem. Over.

 

Captain Carnage: This shit is going down right now! Screw your problems.

 

Agent Orange and Black exchange a nervous glance.

 

Agent Black: Don’t you have your standard-issue spare magazine?

 

Agent Orange: Leaving my ammo at the office has never been a problem. I’m an alligator.

 

Agent Black: A Homeland Security alligator.

 

Captain Carnage: Ten seconds.

 

Agent Orange: … I’ve got a knife. Close your eyes.

 

Agent Black: …

 

Agent Orange hands Black a knife.

 

Agent Black: Jesus. It’s coated in goo. Where the hell’d you have this?

 

Captain Carnage: Five seconds.

 

Agent Orange: En mah mouff.*

 

Agent Black wipes the knife on Agent Orange’s suit.

 

Agent Orange: … !

 

Agent Orange: Fub ooh! (Maamoos).**

 

Captain Carnage: Go!

*– “In my mouth.”

**– “??? you!  (Mammals).”

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