Jan 01 2008

Football Updates

I provide advice about how to write novels, comic books and graphic novels. Most of my content applies to fiction-writing in general, but I also provide articles specifically about superhero stories.

No one on the Superhero Nation editorial board is pleased with the way football has gone this year.

  1. In week 13, I bet $10 on 10-1 odds against the Patriots beating Miami, the New York Jets and the Giants. Brady pulled out absolutely ridiculous plays to come from behind against the Giants, rather abruptly nabbing $110 from me (from +$100 to -$10). Absolutely tragic. Tom Brady, you are a devil child and the offspring of demented traffic lights.

  2. Illinois went to the Rose Bowl– something completely unforeseeable when I transferred from Illinois to Notre Dame two years ago. And then promptly got slaughtered by USC. Sigh.

  3. Notre Dame. I don’t really need to say any more.

  4. Except for Ryan Grant* and Adrian Peterson (Minnesota’s, thank God), my fantasy football team is roughly competitive with the Dolphins. To make matters worse, a list of my opponents reads like a Who’s Who of career-day quarterbacks. I did some rough calculations… in the first 14 weeks, I played the top-performing quarterback an astounding six times. I played Brady three times in the first 14 weeks. In a 13-man league! (He got traded. Twice).

*Probably Notre Dame’s best player this year, all things considered.

Additionally, Florida made it to a bowl this year. Orange, our resident Gators fan, has more about a close game against Michigan.

It is hard to imagine how this year’s Capital One Bowl could have gone worse. First, the good news.

  1. The weather was pleasant.

  2. There were no bombs in nearby dumpsters. Thanks for checking, Agent Black.

  3. The game took place in congenial Florida, ensuring that there were vastly more Gators than haters onsite. The problem was that the haters were in charge of officiating the game.

  4. Supporters of The Enemy were so surprised to score at all that they let the taps flow early. Most were unconscious by the time their team pulled out a non-loss over the distinctly superior Gators.

Other news.

  1. According to the New York Times, the capital of the Gator Haters, “the game was filled with dramatic moments, trick plays, fluke twists, violent collisions and lots of trash-talking.” Unsurprisingly, the Times neglected to mention Michigan’s main advantage, that it had an extra three people on the field at all times… the refs.

  2. The Wolverine offense slipped past the Gators. Although we can speculate what sort of horrific odors and possibly contagious diseases might have induced the Gators to give the Wolverines more space, it would be more charitable to attribute the Gator defensive plan to mercy. It was Carr’s last game as coach and, after Appalachian State made them a national laughingstock, you kind of had to feel sorry for them.

  3. It is arguable that the Wolverines are actually the worst mascot in NCAA football. They are mammals, as opposed to whatever the hell banana slugs are, but in a way that only makes losing to them worse. I won’t be able to look at Agent Black for weeks.

  4. We are, however, fortunate that the Gator team did not have an opportunity to be merciful to the Appalachian Mountaineers (mammals), the Wisconsin Badgers (skunk-like mammals) or the Dancing Frenchmen (???)

  5. Three words, Black: food processor accident.

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