Archive for January 26th, 2008

Jan 26 2008

The next time someone says…

Published by under Comedy

I provide advice about how to write novels, comic books and graphic novels. Most of my content applies to fiction-writing in general, but I also provide articles specifically about superhero stories.

“who do you think you are?”, slit your eyes at him and announce that you’re Batman.  It works every time.

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Jan 26 2008

Wait a minute! (Story generators make me feel stupid)

 

I’ve been using some random story generators. Usually I like laughing at how strange these get, but almost invariably I get something that’s uncannily like my writing and it makes me feel bad. The worst is that it usually starts off far enough away that you can laugh at it, but then it inches more and more towards Superhero Nation.

 

The story is about a secret agent who is in debt to an artificial life form. It starts in a large nation on a war-scarred planet. The story begins with someone giving a test and ends with smuggling. The side effects of faster-than-light travel play a major role in the story.

 

This is an action adventure. The story is about a crazed football fan who is actually an alien entity. It starts on a dying planet. The issues surrounding first-contact with an alien species is a major element of the story.

The story is a screwball comedy about a secret agent who is best friends with an investor. It starts in a solar-system-spanning nation. The effect of technology on humanity is a major element of the story.

This is a tale about confusion. The story is about a lawman. It takes place in a global empire [hey!]. The story begins with someone questioning authority.

 

This is a story about questing. The story is about a starship security agent and a dispirited CFO [close enough]. It starts in a solar-system-spanning technocracy. The story ends with someone writing a book.

 

Writing Challenge Generators

 

The story is set in a ghetto. The story takes place ten years in the past. The story must have a drug cartel involved in the middle. The story must have a cube appear in the end. A character robs someone.

(What do you think this is, Everybody Dies?).

 

Character Generators

 

Note: not all of these are gramatically correct. Deal with it!

 

The upper-class fop is on the run from a government conspiracy run by wacky but innocent football players. [Lash].

 

The rare good member of an otherwise irredeemably violent race somehow manages to be a superhero. [Agent Orange]

 

The morally ambiguous brilliant scientist is driven insane by their strange powers and needs a friendly alien to find meaning. [Jacob Mallow]

 

The wacky yet emotionally detached chemist who is given superhuman powers in an illegal scientific experiment and is just this side of crazy [Dr. Berkeley/Catastrophe]

 

The philosopher is a secret horror in the shadows of society that works as an assassin against The Man. [Gigas]

 

The loveable cop meddles in things Man was not meant to know. [Agent Black]

 

The gung-ho military officer is forced by a government conspiracy to only pretend to be incompetent. [Captain Carnage]

 

The beautiful nerd girl no one notices because she has glasses who is a softy at heart and whose scientific endeavors have guided the heroes on their quest with weapons of mass destruction. [Dr. Darpa]

 

 

The friendly bureaucrat acts as an assassin against the forces of darkness. [Nope. But I’m thinking about it now.]

 

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Jan 26 2008

Name Generators

Published by under Art,Comedy,Superhero Nation

I came across the Dragon Name Generator. You type in a name and it gives you a “totally original name.” I typed in Agent Orange and got (I kid you not) Bucky the Flaming. Agent Orange responds.

 

&*(# you and your Wisconsin football too. I’ll give you flaming Bucky.

 

There are many things we can say about Wisconsin football… none of them publishable

 

“He was like that when I found him, officer.”

Any “Dragon Name Generator” that gives overwhelmingly mammalian names like Bucky is highly dubious.

 

Then I put in “Jacob Mallow,” just for kicks. It gave me “Lady Predash the Weak.”

 

Acceptable.

 

I also approve of the Singapore Idol Stagename Generator, which turns Agent OJ into the appropriate “Quick End” and Courtney McMaster into “Empty Vessel.” However, it turns Captain Carnage into “Disco Boy.” To its credit, that is only a few letters away from the correct “Destruction Boy.”

And I also enjoyed the Science Fiction name generator, but its Alien Name Genator is awful. Its Cyberpunk feature is far superior, not least of which because it spat out Clockwork Orange once. >”-[ [ [ [ ~~~ (that’s a smiling alligator in case you couldn’t tell… nimrod).

 

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Jan 26 2008

I feel safe in New York City!

Comic book readers have often wondered what is it about New York City that causes so much bizarreness to happen there.  Superhero Nation finally answers this question by turning to the New York Historical Society.

Which leads us to our quote of the day.

 

In 1626, either the Shinnecock or Canarsee Indians sold present-day NYC, a spirit-cursed mosquito pit, to the Dutch for $24.  One of the strongest misconceptions in American history is that it was the Indians that got swindled.

— Agent Orange

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