Jan 29 2008
Quote of the Day (1/14/08)
Agent Orange: This has been troubling me for weeks: humans are obviously tail-deficient but claim to have a “tailbone.” Why is that?
Agent Black: Beats me. Whenever something about mutated alligators confuses me, it’s usually just because we’re hundreds of millions of years ahead of you evolutionarily.
Orange: …!
Orange: Tails are really useful. You’re jealous you don’t have one.
Black: Quoteth Calvin to Hobbes: they’re neckties for the ass.
Orange: Neckties that can strangle someone, an important distinction.
Black: I’m sure there’s scientists somewhere that deal with random shit like this. Just call one of them. And, while you’re at it, a psychiatrist.
The next day
Orange: Reptologists are friendly and helpful, like their area of research. They can answer any reptilian question, like why crocodiles are alligator-rejects.
Black: I thought your question was about humans.
Orange: I’m getting to that! I called several mammologists and I’ve concluded that mammologists are part of a vast conspiracy to conceal the truth about mammalian “tailbones” from reptiles.
Black: …
Black: They obviously didn’t do such a good job concealing the truth if you uncovered it anyway.
Orange: I was far too clever for them. I asked one what mammalogists were good for besides wasting oxygen and she blabbered about providing “mammo-grams.” That response was so inane that I knew right then it was an attempt at deception.
Black: Uhh, a mammogram is…
Orange: Not merely a unit of mass, it’s British mass. And the problem here is not that I have too little mammalian mass (British or otherwise) but rather that humans have a dishonestly marketed bone. Perhaps if y’all got a few repto-grams, you might have a real tailbone.
Captain Carnage walks in.
Captain Carnage: Am I interrupting something?
Black: No, I think it’s almost over.
Orange: Yours is a very wacky species.