Jan 13 2008
Quote of the Day (1/12/08)
Captain Carnage: The assassins have bugged your car with a tracking device. Driving it could be highly dangerous, particularly if you believe really strongly in that whole no-killing thing.
Lash: …
Lash: What do you have in mind?
Carnage: If you lend me your keys for the day, I have someone in mind whose skills will discourage anyone from tailing you ever again.
Lash nervously hands over his BMW keys.
The next morning, a smoking and sooty Agent Orange approaches Lash.
Lash: Dear God. You were the driver? Do you even have a license?
Agent Orange: I have good news, bad news and worse news. Which would you like first?
Lash: … there’s bad news besides learning you were the driver?
Lash: …
Agent Orange: You definitely won’t save a bunch on your car insurance.
Lash: The worse news?
Agent Orange: It won’t be an open-casket funeral.
Lash: …
Lash: Dare I ask what the good news is?
Agent Orange: Captain Carnage bet that open-road road tests are so easy that even I could pass one. I sure showed him! Hah. He didn’t even know that alligators are green-red colorblind!
Later, Lash confronts Captain Carnage.
Lash: You handed my BMW over to a goddamn lizard.
Carnage: It proved surprisingly easy to determine who was attempting to follow his… unorthodox driving style. We made four arrests. So his skills proved quite effective.
Lash: Which “skills?” I’ve definitely ruled out anything driving-related.
Carnage: Limb-regeneration and gullibility.
Lash: Gullibility?
Carnage: Did you know license tests occur on country roads in the middle of the night and are graded by SWAT officers in helicopters?
Lash: …
Lash: I hate you.
