Aug 23 2007

Comic Book Conundrums

Inquiring minds want to know:

  • Supervillain prisons. Why have them?
  • How does Superman keep getting movie deals?
  • Why don’t Superman’s movie deals stipulate the presence of a supervillain?
  • Lex Luthor: brilliant mastermind or government plant? His most brilliant schemes endanger fewer people than a fully loaded Yugo. And he gets pardoned FAR too often for it to be a coincidence.
  • Who is Captain America working for? He couldn’t cover the security deposit on that cavernous NYC apartment with an Army paycheck.
  • WWII time-travel. Aren’t any WWII time-travelers gunning for Hitler? Would assassinating Hitler doom the Allies by letting someone sane lead German forces? (Hitler: Allied plant?)
  • Time travel. “Dr. Demented escaped into the time-space continuum. He could be anywhere.” “No problem. I’ll start at 1939, you start at 1945 and we’ll catch him somewhere in the middle.”
  • Supervillains have attempted to influence WWII at least twenty different times in the past fifty years. Presumably, supervillains will keep trying. Wouldn’t superheroes from our present cross paths with superheroes from our future that are pursuing their own supervillains in WWII?
  • The Hulk: why does he still get published?
  • Invisible Woman: dumbest Ph. D. ever?
  • Beast. Reptile. Catastrophe. Donatello. Aren’t there any animals/monstrosities that are less intelligent than the Invisible Woman? Why do said animals typically wear more clothes than the Invisible Woman?

Comic Books: Hot and NotHer main asset isn't being invisible.

  • Lois Lane: “How many F’s are there in catastrophe?” How did she win a Pulitzer?
  • Static Shock’s sidekick, the white gadgeteer (AKA Gear, AKA Whitey, AKA Chunky McGee). What, a black person can’t be smart enough to make gadgets?
  • What is the fascination with supervillains (and sometimes heroes) running for president?
  • Did Savage Dragon run for VP because he realized how useless he was?
  • How could Lex Luthor POSSIBLY win the presidency? Voters regularly write candidates off because they’re Mormon, divorced or inexperienced. But, you know…a supervillain… I guess I could give him another chance…
  • What was the reasoning behind making an Ant-Man movie?
  • Dr. Hank Pym, Ant-Man, Shrinking Violet. Why haven’t they learned that intelligent people don’t shrink themselves? That’s why supervillains build shrink rays.
  • What the hell is going on in NYC? Judging from comic books, at least 90% of the world’s supernatural events happen there, including regular influxes of tan New Yorkers from alternate dimensions where NYC is apparently devoid of black people (the Friends Effect).

5 responses so far

5 Responses to “Comic Book Conundrums”

  1. Jacob Strainon 02 Mar 2013 at 5:46 am

    In the New 52, Static has a black gadgeteering mentor named Hardware.

  2. Ivyon 29 May 2013 at 10:33 am

    Super villain prisons are to keep super villains in check, since death penalty (if they were to use it) wouldn’t work. Either the villains are inmune to what would be used -see, the Joker laughed off the electric chair once- or would come back to life later as most comic book characters do.

    Captain America is likely working for SHIELD, and being such a powerful agency they probably pay well. If not, then… The goverment decided to give him a pension, since he’s technically about 90 YO.

    Super Villains running for president makes them a big threat to the Heroes since attacking the president would not be a very good idea. Rule of drama, I guess. But how the villains win the elections is beyond me… Oh, I know! They cheat, because they’re bad guys.

    NYC is the setting of Marvel because they think is more “realistic” using a real city instead of an analogue (like Gotham). Since most of Marvel’s heroes were individually created there, when all of their comics merged together to have a shared universe, NYC became full of superheroes and as such a magnet for weirdness.

    …There was an Ant Man movie? Oh, the humanity.

  3. B. McKenzieon 30 May 2013 at 5:52 am

    “Captain America is likely working for SHIELD, and being such a powerful agency they probably pay well.” The Secretary of Homeland Security makes about $185,000 and the FBI Director makes something like $150,000. I’m guessing Captain America would have trouble paying for a New York City house himself, let alone a butler. Unless he kept the ~50 years of military back pay (but he didn’t).

  4. Nayanon 30 May 2013 at 6:29 am

    Maybe Captain America borrows money from Tony Starc and doesn’t pay back.

    I don’t know why Superman gets movie deals and I don’t know why Green Arrow doesn’t get movie deal. He is a great character like Batman. Even the TV series on him is good to watch.

  5. B. McKenzieon 30 May 2013 at 6:49 am

    “I don’t know why Superman gets movie deals…” I think WB/DC’s thinking runs something like this:

    1) He’s had a pair of blockbusters, albeit more than 30 years ago. Adjusted for inflation, the 1978 Superman movie grossed a billion dollars at the box office ($300 million in 1978). 1981’s Superman II grossed (inflation-adjusted) $300 million in the United States alone. That’s enough for a house in New York City AND a butler.

    2) He’s much more recognizable than most other superheroes. My cynical way of phrasing this would be that “He’s the favorite superhero of people who don’t actually watch superhero movies.”

    3) WB has had very little box office success with any superheroes besides Batman and (30+ years ago) Superman.

    4) Since WB has not demonstrated the ability to make a profitable movie with lesser-known superheroes, making a movie with a character like Green Arrow would be even riskier than rebooting Superman.

    5) The success of the Superman movie franchise is much more important to the success of a possible Justice League franchise than Green Arrow is? (Could you do a Justice League movie without Superman? While I think Marvel could successfully pull off a “Justice League International”-style project*, WB’s chronic incompetence adds question marks to everything).

    *E.g. X-Men: First Class relegated Wolverine to a cameo.

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