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Hey! Superhero Nation offers comedy, superhero writing advice, generic writing advice, and a few assorted articles on how to manage a small online project, particularly an online novel (these include Using Header Art and Using Google Analytics to Self-Review).

Note:  if you’d like to read the article Pat mentioned, click here.

If you are interested in the mechanics of making an online novel work, you may find this interesting.

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This article will focus on how to find beta reviewers and how to get beta-reviews that are more useful.

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ATTN: SOCIAL JUSTICE LEAGUE

It has come to our attention that you have continued to violate our intellectual property rights. Continuing to infringe on copyrighted terms and concepts, including but not limited to the following, will force us to pursue alternate methods of defending our legal rights.

1. “superhero”
2. “superpowers”
3. The concept of superpowered individuals concealing their identities with masks and capes.
4. Accusations of lurid conspiracies by government personnel against the public interest

We eagerly anticipate your cooperation in this matter.

–Wonder Comics

ATTN: WONDER COMICS

It has come to our attention that you are attempting to restrict our linguistic rights for your selfish profit. Please refer your legal staff to the following concepts in US-American jurisprudence.

1. “Common usage”
2. Lawyers/media vs. police/military. Who do you think we have on staff?
3. Billionaire playboys: you’ve either got them or you don’t.

We eagerly anticipate your lawsuit.

–The Social Justice League

Weird post. I was thinking today about what Superhero Nation’s endgame looks like. Have you ever read 300 pages only to find that the last 25 ruined the first 275? (Jacob wisely calls this phenomenon “Matrix Syndrome”). From the writer’s perspective, Matrix Syndrome is particularly tricky because you’ve already written so much, which limits your choice of ending (”sunk costs“). Generally, it’s easiest to write towards an ending rather than end something midstream. Otherwise, writers might lean towards writing a story that consists of one subplot after another rather than one continuous plot.

A related problem is Muppet Syndrome, which is when an author ramps up his story in terms of weirdness or intensity. So, instead of just destroying a Death Star, you’ll destroy a bigger Death Star… with muppets. In superhero stories, Muppet Syndrome usually manifests as a superhero being drawn into increasingly “epic”/bizarre plots.

Let’s look at Spiderman for a second. He’s one of the most normal, down-to-Earth superheroes ever (that’s a huge part of his appeal). But even he’s not immune to jaw-droppingly strange plotlines.

1. He grows 8 arms.
2. His parents were actually CIA agents that got whacked by Red Skull. They must be the worst CIA agents ever, because Red Skull couldn’t even kill Captain America. And the Captain is one of America’s physically and emotionally weakest superheroes. Hell, a US sniper capped him. (Booyah!)
3. His sister is a supervillainess.
4. Peter Parker was actually a clone of the unanimously despised Ben “Reviley” Reilly… until he wasn’t.
5. Dr. Octopus marries Aunt May– I’m not making this up– so that he can steal her deed to a nuclear power plant.
6. The government owns him… 13th amendment be damned!
7. JJ Thompson’s son, an astronaut and a rival for Mary Jane, turns into a werewolf. (Between Thompson Jr, the Fantastic Four and the Green Lantern, it almost makes you wonder what NASA is really up to).

Then there’s intensity. Most stories will naturally ramp up in intensity, which is problematic when heroes do something that’s far beyond their scope. For example, it’s normal and appropriate for Superman, Green Lantern and the Fantastic Four to have adventures in space. If New York’s neighborhood Spiderman did the same, it’d be weird. Hell, Spiderman is local enough that even saving the world is uncharacteristic.

How does this all apply to Superhero Nation?

I’ve written an ending to a story featuring the first three chapters. This allowed me to test some characteristics of the ending. I also tried a different style of writing. The consensus in the class was that it was both easier to understand and faster-paced.

You can download this mini-ending here.

The Kind of, Not Really Ending of Superhero Nation

Note: this is not canonical. I’m experimenting with possible endings to the novel and this is one of them.

This chapter has some graphics that might not fit nicely on your browser. You can pick up the chapter as a Word document here.

This Thanksgiving scene is dedicated to a certain police show renowned for its perversely ghoulish characters. And Razorback and other heroes/villains that base their identity on laughably ridiculous animals. (My pig-sense is tingling!)

OSI Caselog 8633: Murder of Max “WARTHOG” Slanty

Relevant background: Warthog was wanted for armed robbery, grand larceny, attempted murder, felony assault and battery and twelve other aggravated crimes committed across New York. He wore a mask, establishing federal jurisdiction pursuant to KKK Act.
Two weeks ago, an unknown terrorist group posted a video of Warthog bound and gagged via Al Jazeera. Relation and motive were then unknown. No Warthog–jihad or Warthog–Mid East or other relevant political/religious connections were then known.

OSI analysis of video led to an investigation into the Greenwood neighborhood. Search by smell identified 1020 Ruedale Avenue as a house of interest. Captain CARNAGE, Agent BLACK, Agent ORANGE dispatched: three PM, last Monday.

ON-SCENE INVESTIGATION

CARNAGE: The front door’s been picked.

ORANGE: The door’s clean.

CARNAGE: People inside?

ORANGE: Possibly. Strong iron residues. Probably not explosives. I suspect… I suspect… never mind.

CARNAGE: Black, you aim right. I’ll take left. On three. One, two, three.

CARNAGE: Clear!

BLACK: Clear!

ORANGE: Carnage, wait. Wait. What do you make of that flag?

CARNAGE: Looks similar to Hezbollah’s with some elements of the Saudi flag. The background is green, maybe it’s an offshoot organization. Definitely the same one as in the video…

ORANGE: Black, could you come here a second? … closer.

ORANGE: (Could you distract Carnage?)

BLACK: (What?)

ORANGE: (Keep him from going downstairs. You too. I’m going down alone– I suspect the situation warrants a nonhuman).

BLACK: (Your call). Hey, Captain. What does the Arabic on the flag say?

CARNAGE: Death to the infidel pigs, soilers of the Proph…

…

ORANGE proceeds downstairs.

(Horrific stench of blood. Scent of one American human in basement–cologne, donut and coffee– and Warthog’s corpse, likely. Much blood).

ORANGE turns around corner.

ORANGE: Hands up. On your head. Now!

ORANGE: Who are you? What the hell are you doing here?

???: John Mershire. I’m with New York Crime Scene Investigations.

ORANGE: … where is your badge? No! Hands back on your head. Tell me where your badge is.

CSI: Right pocket. I can reach…

ORANGE: No. I will. (Badge number subsequently verified– Logistics). Why did you come here?

CSI: There was a sound complaint.

ORANGE: … where have the other police officers gone?

CSI: There haven’t been any other cops yet.

ORANGE: You didn’t call for backup!?

CSI: *he flashes his gun holster.* CSI isn’t helpless, you know.

ORANGE: (I believe that the assessment that he wasn’t really a CSI officer was reasonable at this point; this is too egregious a violation of what I could only imagine to be correct municipal procedure that his story seemed suspect– Orange). You saw the flag. This is obviously a terrorism investigation scene. Did you take any procedures to ensure that the scene was clear of explosives and suspects?

CSI: Relax. This seemed like a cut-and-dry suicide case… and besides, I’ve handled suspects before.

ORANGE: You’re CSI!

CSI: Damn straight.

ORANGE: …

ORANGE: What have you seen here?

CSI: Well, so I thought it was a suicide, right? Here, follow me.

ORANGE: I’m concerned that walking into that room would scar your mind. It smells unpleasant.

CSI: Relax.
ORANGE: (Your sanity, buddy).

CSI: So, the first thing I noticed about the scene was the body, obviously. One of the details CSI personnel are trained to look for is the position of the head relative to the body. Specifically, in this case the head appears to have been severed from the torso and stuffed with an apple on what looks to be a banquet table.

ORANGE: …

CSI: That was my first indication that it wasn’t a suicide.

ORANGE: …

CSI: Then I noticed that the wall was soaked with his blood, and blood doesn’t normally spray five to six feet from a body. The lightings kind of bad here, but Luminol showed that his blood had been used to scrawl some sort of message. That also suggested that he was killed by someone else.

ORANGE: …

CSI: I also notice that the body has been sliced open and stuffed with, uhh, maybe bread and raisins. Almonds too, I think. Which sucks. It reminds me of the Thanksgiving feast I could be having right now.

ORANGE: …

CSI: Speaking of dead pigs, we’re having a honey-roasted ham tonight. But that got me thinking: if a police officer eats ham, is that cannibalism?

ORANGE: …

CSI: See, a police officer is a “pig” and a ham is also pig.

ORANGE: …

ORANGE: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Hello. In addition to my normal articles on writing, I now have Writing Case Studies.  Each entry will review a book and then describe what writers should take away from what worked and what didn’t from the book.

This makes it a bit easier to describe problems/successes in characterization and plotting that might otherwise be abstract.

So far I have:

• Soon I Will Be Invincible
• Empire of Ivory

I’d really appreciate if you’d like to suggest any novels, particularly ones with superheroes or high fantasy generally.  I focus on those kinds of novels because they often have the same challenges and audience expectations as Superhero Nation.

• Creating a world more or less by scratch
• Making a fantastic world serious enough that people won’t hear your premise and groan
• Combining action and non-action components into a workable whole.

A supervillain is easily identifiable because power is sexy.  That’s why we always get the best women (no one really wants to date a mild-mannered reporter or an inept freelance-photographer).  But superheroes are also easy to identify if you know what to look for: the bumbling factor.  The more bumbling someone is, the more superpowers he’s waiting to unleash. For example, the last time my henchmen attempted to break into a presidential convention, they got absolutely shellacked by Tucker Carlson. If you have ever wondered whether someone that looks that bumbling could only get on TV because he was really a superhero, you’re not alone.

There’s really no way to know how many of my plots have been spoiled by Carlson and Alan Colmes, but I’d feel pretty confident saying that they’re the main barrier between me and global domination.

I’d give you two guesses whether it’s Hannity or Colmes that’s the bane of supercriminals everywhere. Remember, people that look bumbling are dangerous. And anyone that looks as bumbling as Colmes can strangle your best assassins with his mind.  Interestingly, Sean Hannity is also a superhero, but any supervillain that fears a conservative diversity hero should reconsider his line of work.

Unsurprisingly, the talk radio guy doesn’t know how important it is to keep his appearance secret.

Some of the things on my to-do list.  

PARODYING COMIC BOOK VIOLENCE

1. Someone being eaten
2. Death by plant
3. Death by fire extinguisher
4. Death by ceiling
5. Death by squid
6. Death by refrigerator 
7. Death by frog and meteor showers

PARODYING ALTERNATE IDENTITY-INDUCED STUPIDITY 

1. POLICE: “Well, Mary Jane Watson’s been kidnapped at least three times in the past ten years, generally by criminals associated with Spiderman.  But there’s no reason to suspect a connection…”
2. EMPLOYERS: “My star employee puts in fewer hours than everyone else and runs off a lot more.  He must just love being productive… by himself.”  
3. JOURNALISTS: Glasses.  Enough said. 
4. POLICE DOGS: fortunately, they are curiously unable to identify superhero scents at crime scenes and then track them back to either the source or hangouts.

PARODYING USE OF WOMEN IN COMIC BOOKS

1. Women virtually absent
2. Any woman introduced must be paralleled by the man she will end up falling in love with 
3. Feminists complain about objectification despite wearing less clothing than most four-year-olds and OBVIOUSLY getting implants
4. Women must be hopelessly, hopelessly clueless compared to male peers

PARODYING ALIENS IN COMIC BOOKS

1. EMPIRE STATE CONNECTION:  The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence uses the Empire State Building as a beacon to contact alien life.  That’s why aliens that crash-land on Earth have a remarkable tendency to make landfall within 25 miles of it.  
2. GOVERNMENT COVERUP:  The government will always spend considerable amounts of money and manpower covering up the presence of aliens and will kill anyone that gets in the way.  The conspiracy is so deep that none of the participants know why the government needs to conceal the existence of aliens.
3. CONVERGENT EVOLUTION:  Humans are really genetically competitive!  
   • 100% of alien species have a human body structure (two arms, two legs, walking upright, etc.)
   • 90% of aliens have fundamentally human psychologies (similar thought processes, senses, cultures, desires).  And the remaining ten percent are invariably villains opposed by human-like species. 
   • 75% of aliens look exactly like humans (or shape-shift) and lack any characteristics that would rule out an alternate identity easily identify them to humans.   (How frustrating would it be to look overwhelmingly like a human but smell overwhelmingly different?)
   • ALIENS, DARWIN’S GOLDEN CHILDREN:  Sorry, guys… aliens outclass us in every conceivable way.  Every alien species beats us in strength, resilience, flight, senses and technology.   Aliens aren’t necessarily smarter than humans, but no aliens are notably dumber than humans.  In short, humans have no advantages compared to aliens, even in traits like speaking human languages.  We don’t even have a distinct edge at seeming human. 

1. VESTIGIAL LIMBS:  Even species that can fly effortlessly retain their two legs.  Among species that fly, legs are considerably more prevalent than wings.  Even species that able to fly will have two legs.
2. Unlike human behaviors, 100% of alien behaviors are attributable to their species.  For example, if France randomly attacked Germany, it wouldn’t follow that “humans are really aggressive.”  However, any alien aggression towards humans indisputably proves that the alien species is implacably hostile and needs to be stopped. 
   • Per Independence Day, War of the Worlds, E.T., Perfect Dark…  in peacetime, humans will capture and exploit alien prisoners.  When aliens and humans fight, humans never take POWs… because the aliens are savages! 

Note: Superhero Nation does play on these expectations, but the joke’s on the reader.  I surveyed 30 people that read chapters 1-3.  

• 26 agreed with the statement “Agent Orange can’t be trusted.”  “Why do you think that?”  3 said because he probably lied to Lash in Best Investigator.  17 went with “because his species is hostile to humans.”  6: don’t know.  (I allowed for that option because I didn’t want respondents to feel like they HAD to assess Orange based on too little information). 
• “Why do you think Paingod and Agent Orange are upset with each other?”  5: because of political differences.  8: because of personal differences.  11: “because members of their species interact differently.” 
• “Why do you think Lash is upset with Fox News?”  15: because of political differences.  13: because of personal differences.  1: “because of the human condition.”  (I really struggled to come up with a parallel to ‘because members of their species interact differently’).  It surprised me that anyone selected the “human condition.”  On further investigation, it turns out that he was a fan of Augustine.  Sigh.  I need to weed out Philosophy majors from reader surveys.   
• “Which one of these do you think best describes Agent Black?”  6:  “An American doing a patriotic and moral service to his people.”  13: “Someone making the best of a morally difficult situation.”  5: “Generally more a part of the problem than the solution.”  1: “A traitor that needs to be dealt with.”  (5 unsures).  (Other questions revealed that self-identified conservatives tended to go with the first two categories and liberals with the last two).   
• “Which one of these do you think best describes Agent Orange?”  2: “An American doing a patriotic and moral service to his people.”  4: “Someone making the best of a morally difficult situation.”  8: “Generally more a part of the problem than the solution.”  4: “A traitor that needs to be dealt with.”  (12 unsures).  The ideological split was less clear here.  Conservatives made up most of the two extremes and liberals generally went for the third choice or weren’t sure. 
• “It is possible that someone who is born into drastically different conditions that I was could be meaningfully American.”  Virtually unanimous agreement (26 strong agreements, 2 weak agreements, 1 weak disagree, 1 don’t know). 
• “It is possible that someone who acts or thinks drastically differently than I do could be meaningfully American.”  This was more contentious but a majority still agreed.  (12 strong agrees, 7 weak agrees, 4 weak disagrees, 4 strong disagrees, 3 don’t knows).  Compared to the previous question, populists moved the most (and also, to some extent, conservatives).   
• Looking back at the question, “which of these do you think best describes Agent Orange?,” readers generally thought less of Orange than (the human) Black. 
• So Agent Orange was generally judged much less sympathetically.  That could be because Agent Orange just is less sympathetic and that my readers aren’t discriminating against aliens… the results would flip if I made Agent Black the alien and Agent Orange the human and kept everything the same.   Or people are subconsciously discriminating against Orange because he’s not human.  I don’t have enough information to determine which it is, yet, but it puzzles me that anyone would describe Orange as a “traitor that needs to be dealt with” without factoring in him being an alien.  I’m vaguely sure I didn’t put in anything that would suggest that… well, I did write a possibly sinister line about Agent Orange reworking the world, but I think readers would be more inclined to judge that the line would be idealistic, rather than creepy, if it were spoken by a human.   

Methodology 

I used a few criteria to eliminate potential poll responders.  They had to answer three multiple choice questions correctly.  Additionally, I only gave the quiz to Americans because I want to examine the American political culture.  (Sorry, everyone else… I’m sure you have your own political scientists).  

1. “What state is the setting of the first three chapters?”  (NY)
2. “Which species does Agent Black belong to?  Which species does Lash belong to?”  [correct answer: both are human.]
3. “Which one of these best describes the physical appearance of Agent Orange?”  [the correct answer was the only one that sounded remotely reptilian.]  

The first question was pretty basic.  Even if you didn’t specifically remember that the answer is New York, you might have recalled that Lash works on Wall Street, that Agent Black is the “Manhattan Mangler,” the “Empire State Strikes Back,” or the mention of mutated animals living in the Queens sewers.

The second question mattered because I needed to know whether my readers were reacting differently to alien characters because they are alien.  Obviously, if you don’t remember who is human who isn’t, then your answers wouldn’t help as much.  (Sorry!)

The final question served mainly to identify readers that would remember enough specifics about the book to justify their opinions later. 

Over 60% of respondents answered the three questions correctly. 

This article will cover how to write novel titles that sell and when/how to name your chapters.

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This article will focus on how to craft gripping scenes that immerse readers in the story. First, I will start with an absolutely awful scene, offer a revision, and then draw connections about how you can make your scenes more immersive.

My mini-scene

The elf hit the orc with his shield, giving him enough time to cast Fireball. It shot out of his land like a bullet.

This scene completely fails to immerse readers.

1. “like a bullet” feels distinctly inappropriate for a conventional fantasy story (let’s assume that’s what it is).

2. What’s the fireball like? This wasted a huge opportunity.

3. The passage used weak and generic verbs (hit, cast and shot).

4. We can’t really visualize the fight. What happens to the orc that lets the elf cast Fireball?

5. What’s the elf like? Or the orc? We can’t really visualize either beyond the barest mental cliches.

A somewhat better version of my mini-scene

The orc swung wildly with its masher. The elf instinctively ducked. A cool breeze fanned the elf’s face as the hammer rushed by. The elf sprang up with his shield, smashing the orc’s face. It fell backwards, chains rattling as it crashed into the ground. The orc’s bloodyshot eyes fluttered, unfocused as though gazing at something miles away.

But it was alive.

“Spirits of fire…”

Mystical energy welled in the elf’s chest and smoke pooled in his lungs. The smoke. He lived for the smoke.

“I implore you…” he aimed his hand at the prone orc. Power surged from his heart, as though magma were rushing through him. Clumps of his skin charred and flaked away in the wind.

“Incendio!”

A geyser of fire hot enough to melt stone gushed out of his fingers. The orc’s top half disintegrated completely. And the bottom half… only he and the gods would know it had ever belonged to something alive.

The elf inspected the black gashes that ran up his heavily charred, heat-withered arm. Regrowing skin and bone was simple enough that any apprentice healer could have his arm functional within an hour. But the scars, the scars were permanent. In any case, they made for great bar stories.

Then he noticed that his fingernails had burnt away.

“Dammit!”

It took weeks for fingernails to grow back.

This story is better, but it still has many problems… “incendio”? Come on. More substantively, we have no impression of the physical setting, where the story is taking place. (Is this fight happening in… an open field? An Orcish coliseum? An astral plane? What’s the weather like? How does the terrain affect the duel? Who, if anyone, is watching? Is anyone else fighting? What time is it? How humid is it?)

In contrast, this scene does develop the cultural setting. We learn a lot about the elf here and his society. He spends as much time thinking about his burnt fingernails as he does about killing the orc.

The sensory imagery is occasionally solid– particularly the fire/smoke/imagery– but aside from that it was pretty bland…

Making Your Scenes More Immersive

1. Sensory imagery is critical. “He cast a fireball” is too bland to captivate readers.

   1. Show us what the spell does to the victim, the caster, the terrain, etc. Give us the smoke!

   2. Try to engage as many senses as possible. Smell and touch are particularly immersive and visceral. Sight and hearing are obviously important but are usually more generic.

   3. Focus on the elements that separate your story from every other story we’ve read. A fight between elves and orcs on the beach should not focus on the seagulls. Likewise, a story with a dragon character (ie a dragon that actually has lines) had damn well better describe and use the dragon. Give us the dragon!

2. You have to show readers where the scene is happening.

   1. The best way to develop the setting is to show your characters interacting with the scenery. For example, if the fight is in a tavern, bystanders might jeer or root for one combatant. The elf might use a chair or mug as a weapon. More generically, the elf might choke on the smoke that comes from the fireball or his eyes might water.

   2. Don’t overwhelm your audience with trivial details. For example, if they fight on a beach, describing the sounds of the waves hitting the beach probably won’t add much. But mentioning that the sand offers bad footing will help your readers visualize the scene.

3. Explain the cultural setting. What are the people in your world like? How are their thought processes and cultures different from ours?

   1. Above, the elf is pretty messed up. He talks about his scars at taverns and cares more about his fingernails than burning an orc to death. If I had only described him as an elf, the audience would have assumed he was elegant, high-minded, nature-attuned, etc. What is this, Dungeons and Dragons?*

   2. Readers prefer unique settings.

4. What is the focus (or purpose) of your scene?

   1. Originally, my fireball scene was an action scene, describing only the elf-orc fight. The rewrite was far more character-driven. I used the fight as a vehicle to portray the elf.

   2. Mixing up scenes is usually more effective. You can drown your readers in action (or dramatic dialogue). I tried to mix action and character development here and I think it was pretty effective.