Jan 29 2009
The Cardinals will win the Super Bowl because Kurt Warner is a superpowered killing machine
I’ve noticed some uncanny similarities between Kurt Warner (Arizona’s quarterback) and Sylar from Heroes.
- One has spent the better part of a season mangling his enemies in spectacularly gruesome fashions. The other is a serial killer.
- One wears white and red. The other is white and usually spattered in red.
- Sylar has superpowers that allow him to avoid any lasting injuries. Warner doesn’t need superpowers.
How does Larry Fitzgerald make all those crazy catches? Because he knows that if he drops a pass, his head is gone.

This article was written on my birthday, I guess I should cherish it.