Mar 17 2012

Cresc’s Review Forum

Published by at 4:41 pm under Review Forums

Cresc: “I am currently developing a superhero comic titled ‘Hi-Tech Girl’ with the intent to publish digitally.”

23 responses so far

23 Responses to “Cresc’s Review Forum”

  1. crescon 25 Mar 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Some basic information on this. The comic is set in Honolulu, Hawaii. Super Powered Beings are known to exist, and have territories of influence. Generally a SPB is permitted to operate in a city as long as they keep other SPB’s out.

    Hi-Tech and Konaloa are the main guardians of the Big Island. In reality they are both robots raised as human children by their “Father.”

    The three of them were in a car accident when Hina was around 16 – 18. This killed Lono, crippled the Dad, but Hina “miraculously” had little permanent injury. Hina suffers from black out periods, which is when she’s being repaired, she otherwise is unaware of what she is.

    Hina’s arch villian Jacket is actually the original Hina robot pre-accident. She plays a role similar to Venom in the Spider-Man comics.

  2. Nightwireon 25 Mar 2012 at 7:36 pm

    I think a superhero comic set in Hawaii is very fresh. 🙂

    A couple of questions:
    – So is Konaloa dead before the main plot is set? Why didn’t the Father rebuild him/her?

    – You said Hina was repaired by the Father after the accident, so I’m getting the idea that Hina is still using her original body. Does that she was saved by ways of having her mind transferred?

  3. Crescon 25 Mar 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Lono dies and is rebuilt as Konaloa before the main plot begins.

    The Hina we see in the story is a second body with transferred memories from the first.

    Jacket is Hina’s original body. She survived as the ‘ghost in the machine’ has rebuilt herself and is fully aware of her nature.

    This is back story that comes out through the course of what would be the first few issues?

    Thanks for commenting.

  4. Nightwireon 25 Mar 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Heh, I was a bit unclear on your back story. Hope you’re not upset.

    Well, your premise seems pretty good. It kinda reminds me of Astro Boy, perhaps because of the “car accident” and “rebuilding” angles. 😛

    So, what will your main plot be?

    Oh, and if you can, please check out my review forum: http://www.superheronation.com/2012/03/01/nightwires-review-forum/
    (yeah, I’m a shameless attention whore :)) )

  5. Crescon 26 Mar 2012 at 12:43 am

    Upset? Thank you so much for commenting!

    Here are some (crude) drawings by myself.

    Hi-Tech Girl
    http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/cresc/e26aa96b.jpg

    Konaloa (named Ku at the time) http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/cresc/871df639.jpg

    Jacket http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/cresc/30Characters_Day26_2011.png

    Also a short story featuring Hina written by myself and drawn by J. Shirvill

    http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/cresc/FoFp1_lettering.png
    http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/cresc/FoFp2_lettering.png
    http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/cresc/FoFp3_lettering.png
    http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/cresc/FoFp4_lettering.png

    I have this planned as a collection of short stories. Hi-Tech’s enemies are versions of Ghandi’s social sins. At the end of the first issue she is being recruited for a super team.

    In the second issue she has to deal with more heroic tasks. A large Tsunami threatens The coastlines in the pacific. It is caused by a reincarnation of King Kamehameha, which requires the super team to defeat. At this point we will likely see the robot reveal.

    Kamehameha was a phony and she tracks him to a dystopian group that seeks to isolate the island in order to turn it into a brain trust. They feel society is crumbling and want to preserve as much human knowledge as possible during the upcoming dark age. Eventually the hero sees that they are right and joins their cause.

  6. Carl Shinyamaon 26 Mar 2012 at 9:49 am

    I recognize a couple of those names; they’re the names of major Hawaiian gods and goddesses.

    I have a couple of questions:

    – Are your characters named after them? Or are they your interpretation of them adapted for the comic book medium? I ask because if your target audience is primarily folks in Hawaii, I would tread carefully when it comes to how they’re portrayed, because the locals in Hawaii take the portrayals of their akuas, ( and kupuas, their ali’i’s, and aumakuas) very seriously, even in fiction.

    – How do you plan on portraying King Kamehameha? King Kamehameha is quite beloved in Hawaii, and I would take great care in how I portray him.

    If you plan on your characters embodying the personalities, I’d research how their personalities are perceived in Hawaii. If your target is primarily folks in Hawaii, you don’t want to alienate them.

  7. crescon 26 Mar 2012 at 12:37 pm

    First off. Thank you for the comment!

    -The characters are named after the local gods but are not adapted versions. Hina is a major polynesian goddess, and while I might mirror some of her legends with my characters I’m not trying to pass her as the same cultural figure. That isn’t the story I want to tell

    -In the case of Kamehameha, he will appear similar to the real person but have some flaws. This version is just an actor that is backed up with thermoenergy drawn from the volcanos. It’s these flaws that are his downfall, as the hero is well read enough to see through the charade.

    -My target is not specific to Hawaiin readers, but of course I want to be respectful to the setting. Or else why use it?

  8. Nightwireon 27 Mar 2012 at 2:55 am

    OK, so I’ve read the short story. The art looks good!

    I know next to nothing about Hawaiian culture, so I can only say this: keep up the good work! 😛

  9. Carl Shinyamaon 27 Mar 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Regarding flaws, I’m not sure how you plan on writing it, but how about a suggestion: According to the book, “Kamehameha and his Warrior Kekuhaupio”, before he became king of the island of Hawaii, Kamehameha had a strong tendency to oversocialize with women when he was left to his own devices. I’d consider that a very human and real flaw to give the reincarnated version of him.

    I do like the idea of thermoenergy drawn from the volcanoes. That’s a very creative touch.

  10. Crescon 04 Apr 2012 at 10:57 pm

    So recently I’ve been working on a story that addresses super-heroes and their public image. In her day job Hi-Tech is a Public Relations rep, and should be quick to spin scenarios to her advantage.

    In this case a female reporter ‘Starla Stende’ is hounding the main character and printing unflattering photos in the tabloids. The reporter has a sound argument that Hi-Tech is a celebrity and getting photographed is part of the job.

    Hi-Tech has a few more run ins with Stende resulting in more embarrassing press. Finally the main character compromises by agreeing to pose for the newspaper in return for her privacy.

    “I’m your biggest fan…”

    Page 1

    Hina wakes up to her doorbell ringing.
    When she answers the door Starla Stende takes a picture of Hina making a ‘derp’ face.

    Page 2

    The picture appears on the front page of Starla’s newspaper.
    Hina confronts the reporter at her office demanding her privacy.
    Starla refuses to back off stating that the public has a right to see their celebrities.

    Page 3

    Montage of Hi-Tech doing heroic things and getting photographed at embarrassing moments.
    Hi-Tech is saving people from a burning building.
    In an effort to help, the firefighters drench her with the hoses.
    Starla gets a picture.

    Page 4

    Hi-Tech is fighting super villain Manatee.
    Starla is almost crushed by a falling sign, but Hi-Tech rescues her.

    Page 5

    Hi-Tech compromises with Starla.
    Hi-Tech is shown posing for pictures wearing a patriotic version of her costume.

    ——–
    Very rough, input would be welcome.

  11. NeonFractionon 24 Apr 2012 at 1:39 pm

    This seems like a really fresh idea! there are a lot of great things about it, but there are, what I consider to be, a few problems.

    The biggest thing that stuck out to me was the title is… Not really fantastic. H-Tech Girl is very generic. Not just because of the ‘Girl’ part, which comes off as slightly childish for what appears to be a full-grown woman, but because of the ‘Hi-Tech’. High Tech is a rather clunky phrase, and isn’t very memorable. It could fit any number of gadget superheros, from Iron Man to Batman. Specific is almost always better with Superheros. The name, especially when using it as a title, needs to be as memorable as possible, while still fitting the character.

    The public image of a superhero story, while not bad, is very overdone. It’s important to consider the reader’s expectations as well as the content of the story itself. In the case of public image stories, it will rely on the character’s unique personality to give it a fresh look. Bruce Wayne decided to let the people think what they liked about him because of his independence and self awareness of the dubious nature of his work. Spiderman got people to like him because he was determined to be honest and despised being forced to take incriminating pictures of himself. Megamind loved the attention and lived for being called a villain.

    Remember that the main character, not the reporter, must be the one driving the plot.

  12. crescon 06 May 2012 at 5:51 pm

    NeonFraction, thanks for the comment! I played with a couple different names, such as:

    Iron Girl – Originally this was an M2 idea and the character was the daughter or neice of Tony Stark. Should be obvious why I can’t use it.
    Machina – Possibly making the hero hispanic, which is fine.
    Hina – Fine as a civilian name but holds too much history in Hawai’i. Just not the story i wanted to tell.
    Machine Girl – I like this one a lot, but everyone thought I was talking about the Japanese movie of the same name.

    I’m not married to the name Hi-Tech Girl, but i do like it. The character i want to write is going to be a modern woman hopefully breaking tropes common in comics. I don’t want her to be fan service, or in need of a man to rescue her. The name recalls the virginia slims ad “You’ve come a long way baby.”

    I agree with you on focusing on the hero and not the reporter. i’m honestly having difficulty sitting down and writing this thing. The Public Image idea is meant to show how Hina can solve problems using her intelligence and social skills. I’m into the story but have been having a real focus problem for a while.

    —–

    WIP scripts http://www.penciljack.com/forum/showthread.php?114083-Cresc-s-Lousy-Writing-Blog

  13. Nightwireon 07 May 2012 at 1:01 am

    Hey cresc! How’s your progress so far? 🙂

  14. crescon 07 May 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Okay powered through 2 more pages. Much happier with it now.

    Hina – Public Relations Rep for Hi-Technologies Corp. She uses Hi-Techs Proprionetic power suit to become the superhero Hi-Tech Girl.

    Starla Stende – Yellow Journalist for the Daily Hawai’ian. Feels that celebrities have an obligation to let the public into their private lives.

    Manatee – A deranged eco terrorist.

    “I’m your biggest fan…”

    Page 1 (5 panels)

    PANEL 1.1

    Extreme Close Up. Outside the front door of Hina’s apartment. A woman’s hand knocks on the wood door.

    SFX: knock knock knock

    PANEL 1.2
    Wide. Inside Hina’s apartment, it is messy but not terrible. POV from the living room looking into a small kitchenette that connects. Hina stands behind a counter pouring coffee into her mug as she yawns. She has bedroom hair and is wearing a long T-Shirt and sweat shorts as pajamas.

    SFX: knock knock knock

    Hina: *yawn* It’s way too early for this.

    PANEL 1.3

    Medium. Hina shuffles across the room towards the door on the right. She’s wearing cute Seal styled fuzzy slippers.

    Hina: This better be…

    PANEL 1.4

    Over Hina’s shoulder. Hina stands with her back to us, she is holding the door open. In the hallway outside the apartment Starla Stende is standing with a large camera. The camera is flashing brightly having just taken a picture.

    Hina: Good..?
    .
    PANEL 1.5

    Close up of Hina’s surprised face. Image is framed by a newspaper with the headline “Have a late night Hi-Tech?”


    Page 2 (6 Panels)

    PANEL 2.1

    The same newspaper with Hina’s image on the front lands heavy on a wood desk.

    HINA – is this what ‘Journalism’ has come to Ms. Stende? Ambushing me at home before my first cup?

    SFX – THUMP

    PANEL 2.2

    Medium. Starla Stende is sitting in the foreground with her back to us, she is chewing on a pencil. Hina, now wearing a sharp business suit, is leaning over the desk towards camera looking furious.

    Starla – ‘Yellow Journalism’ sure! And please call me Starla Ms. Hale.

    Hina – You’re better than this, Starla, I got Hi-Tech Corp to donate to the Maui Akohekohe Foundation because of the article you wrote!

    Starla – So you’re a fan!

    Hina – You have no right–

    PANEL 2.3

    Medium. Hina is standing on the left side with hands on her hips glaring at Starla who is calmly leaning back in her chair smiling broadly.

    Starla – Oh Hina darling! Don’t be naive. You’re a celebrity! The public wants pictures of you!
    Hina – In my underwear?
    PANEL 2.4

    CLOSE UP. Starla half smiling.

    Starla – Are you really asking me that? Look…

    Panel 2.5

    Over Hina’s shoulder. Starla has her head cocked to one side facing Hina.

    Starla – …as long as there is a 1st amendment and you are news, you’re front page material.

    PANEL 2.6

    Hina is storming out of the office back to us, Extreme close up showing more than half of Starla’s face, she is smiling more broadly now.

    HINA (Angry) –Pua!

    Starla – Pardon my freedom.

    PAGE 3

    PANEL 3.1

    Close waist up. Hina is now in her Hi-Tech Girl costume she is dropping into panel holding an unhappy cat, behind her is a tree and some leaves should be falling around her. In the foreground a little old lady is turned away from us with her arms outstretched.

    Hi-Tech – Here you are Ms. Rogerstien.

    Cat – MROW!

    Rogerstien – Oh thank you young lady! I was so worried about Mr. Fluffles!

    PANEL 3.2

    Very small panel, almost the gutter between panel 3.1 and 3.3. Just an action bubble with the word FLASH written vertically.

    Panel 3.3

    Same shot but a little tilted and framed as though it were a Polaroid. Hi-Tech loses her hold on the cat who has leapt out of her arms to attack Mrs. Rogerstiens face. Rogerstien is being knocked out of panel by the cat. This should be comical not violent.

    Panel 3.4 Panel appears directly below panel 3.3

    Medium low. Hi-Tech runs out of a burning building carrying a firefighter in full gear on her shoulders, and 2 more firefighters in each hand. She wears a different version of her costume which is smoking. There is a fire crew left side of panel ready to douse her with a hose.

    Crewmaster – Wow she made it! Okay go hose 1!

    3.5 Panel appears left of panel 3.4

    The Fire Crew sprays Hi-Tech and the firefighters.

    3.6 Panel appears directly below panel 3.5

    Hi-Tech stands embarrassed and soaking wet in a damaged costume. Starla is standing to her right taking a picture.

    Starla – Honey, you’re really making this easy for me.

    3.7

    Extreme Close up of Manatee. His eyes and mouth wide open in a crazed rage.

    Manatee – MANATEE!

    Page 4
    Hi-Tech is fighting super villain Manatee.
    Starla is almost crushed by a falling sign, but Hi-Tech rescues her.

    Page 5
    Hi-Tech compromises with Starla.
    Hi-Tech is shown posing for pictures wearing a patriotic version of her costume.

  15. crescon 11 May 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Unrelated script wrote in about 10 minutes though I ‘ve had the idea for a while.

    The Innocent

    PAGE 1

    Panel 1

    Close up of an alarm clock that is shaking in the air as it rings loudly.

    Panel 2

    Medium. We are behind Little Todd. He stands in front of his window stretching. His whole body should be in panel as he watches the beautiful sunrise outside the window.

    Panel 3
    Same angle. Little Todd is now midstride and closer to the camera. He should look happy and ready to take on the world.

    Panel 4

    Medium low. Little Todd is walking down the stairs on the left side, one hand on the railing. On the right side, in the distance we can see into the kitchen where 2 adults are sitting.

    Panel 5

    Over the shoulder of Little Todd. His Dad is standing behind the table getting coffee. His Mom is seated at the table she has her head in her hands and looks very sad.

    Little Todd

    Oh…

    Panel 6

    Close up of Little Todd now looking very sad and near tears.

    Little Todd

    … Grandpa really did die yesterday.

  16. B. McKenzieon 11 May 2012 at 11:36 pm

    Cresc, I don’t want to be hard here, particularly because this is early in the development cycle, but I feel like the characters could be more engaging. It might also help to make the characters and plot feel more unique.

  17. crescon 12 May 2012 at 9:17 am

    No worries. B Mac. You should know that I really value your opinion based on your writing on this site.

    I’ve been sitting on this idea for nearly 2 years and it’s gone no where. I like the characters, and the general idea but i agree there are some missing elements that i’m not able to put my finger on. Generally I want it to be a fun old school feeling SuperHero story that has a more subtle ongoing theme.

    For now I think i will work on a different idea.

  18. crescon 16 Jun 2012 at 3:22 pm

    I’ve been very busy at work and haven’t had a lot of drive to wirte. I’m working on some scripts for a Comedy-Mystery comic using some characters that i’ve always liked but never used for this medium. It’s basically Sherlock holmes as a monster hunter in a fantasy setting (not actually using Holmes.)

    Major Characters:

    Amos the Talented. A former Privateer turned legtimate Merchant Prince. Amos is a vain, egotistical, narcissit, but most of his boasting turns out to be true in some form. When his ship the Crescent Moon is not employed Amos is called upon to solve problems from both private and government parties. Has a long standing fued with Don Quixote and claims Chaucer was writing about him. Possibly bi-sexual.

    Allie: Amos’s first mate and constant platonic companion. Feared by most for being both a Dark Elf and a Mage. Provides arcane experience as well as knowledge of animal behavior.

    Earnest: A Minotaur Dwarf who is the Stewart at the Inn Amos lives in. Earnest struggles to be respected for his business savvy and manners but is often upstaged by Amos. Thus he is often Amos’s opponent. Generally in the stories Earnest offers most of the wrong hypthesis.

    A few of the story ideas i have are:

    1. A wealthy egg farmer has had a bizarre prank played on him. His prize hen has been stolen and replaced with a replica stone statue. He suspects his no-good artist son in law but doesn’t understand his motivations.

    2. A mysterious group of bandits have been harassing travelers on their way into the city. Victims describe the bandits as being anywhere between an army of Ogres and a Hydra.

    i have more but i’m out of time right now.

  19. crescon 08 Jan 2013 at 11:47 am

    Update:

    I have a part time collaborator and we are working on the “Company of Monsters” script.

    Secondly I’m brainstorming a Supervillian comic. Basically tell a story of a small time bad guy, emphasizes the decisions he / she has to make.

    I’m thinking of a female character of average intelligence who was an exceptional athlete in High-School. She was not good enough to earn a scholarship and can’t afford college. I’m also considering having a younger sister that she has to support.

    Not being able to make enough money with just a public education. She gets into the villian business for the money. She works solo and as a mercenary. An emphasis of the story is forcing the character to make decisions in her role as the bady guy.

    While she’s not a killer, what if she’s robbing a bank with a group of killers? Once she does kill, she become an Assassin? She has the skill-set and it pays much higher than what she gets She has to start out using her own home as a base of operations. What if the police or a superhero follow her home?

  20. crescon 08 Jul 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Thought I would share.

    http://sequart.org/magazine/6134/sto…ule-of-action/

  21. crescon 19 Feb 2015 at 12:07 pm

    Not worth a Continental

    Amos – A Privateer working for England. Captain of the Airship Crescent Moon. Dresses fashionably. His right hand is a functioning prosthetic. He is sometimes engaged to investigate crimes.

    Allie – A Steambot who was rescued by Amos and now serves as his first mate.

    Earnest – A 3 foot tall Minotaur. Owner of the Bay Tavern, and a respected businessman. Also engaged to investigate crimes.

    Woodsman – A laborer who tried to rescue Red Riding Hood from “Grandma”

    Grandma – A large wolf.

    Red Riding Hood – A very near sighted girl.

    Page 01 – Earnest gives a detailed, but incorrect, deduction accusing The Woodsman of killing Red Riding Hood and her Grandma.

    Earnest

    Ha! Captain Amos, I expect my 5 Pesos to be delivered by the end of the day!

    Amos

    *sigh* What are you on about Earnest?

    Earnest

    Well I’ve solved it!

    Amos

    Have you now?

    Earnest

    Quite obvious to an educated man such as myself Amos.

    Earnest

    We agree that the Woodsman used his axe to force his way through the door?

    Amos

    Of course!

    Earnest

    Well you see here and here, perhaps a dozen more places, where there are cuts in the wood? Clearly they were made when the Crazed Lumberjack swung wildly at Miss “Riding Hood” and her Grandmother!

    Woodsman

    What? No! I didn’t-

    Earnest

    You sir, make me sick! What kind of man shames the honorable profession of Wood Cutting?

    Amos

    Well Earnest that is a very good deduction.

    Earnest

    Thank you I –

    Amos

    But wrong.

    Earnest

    Well I –

    Page 2 – Amos destroys Earnest’s theory.

    Amos

    The Woodsman did indeed chop his way through the door. But only after he heard a commotion inside the house. Once through he happened upon the very scene we ourselves bear witness.

    Amos

    These cuts in the floor are shallow and appear in patterns of 3. Suggesting not an axe wound, but the scratch of a large animal.

    Earnest

    An animal!

    (Amos opens his prosthetic hand to shine light on the torn up bed.)

    Amos

    Aye! Furthermore if they were attacked with an ax there should be blood everywhere! But the Forensic Lantern fails to illuminate even a trace. Allie could you pull the curtain?

    (Allie pulls the curtain)

    Allie (emitting steam)

    *k-tss*

    Amos

    The glass is broken from the outside? Seeing that it lacked the opposable thumb of the human being, it couldn’t open the door, so it had to break through the window to enter the home.

    Amos

    Then it lay in wait for Miss Riding hood to appear, then devoured her whole! Isn’t that right..?

    Page 3

    (Amos points dramatically at Grandma, who is very obviously a large wolf wearing a dress. She is sitting in a rocking chair knitting nonchalantly.)

    Amos

    … Grandma! If that is your real name!

    Grandma (speaking to Allie)

    I think they’re both idiots.

    Allie (emitting steam)

    *k-tss*

  22. crescon 01 Mar 2015 at 2:30 am

    Second pass, with ending.

    Not worth a Continental

    Amos the Talented – A Privateer working for England. Captain of the Airship Crescent Moon. Dresses fashionably. His right hand is a functioning prosthetic. He is sometimes engaged to investigate crimes.

    Allie – An Automaton and Amos’ first mate. Allie is capable of limited shape change.

    Earnest – A 3 foot tall Minotaur prone to fainting when scared. Owner of the Bay Tavern, and a respected businessman. Also engaged to investigate crimes.

    Woodsman – A laborer who tried to rescue Red Riding Hood from “Grandma”

    Grandma – A large wolf.

    Page 01 – Earnest gives a detailed, but incorrect, deduction accusing The Woodsman of killing Red Riding Hood and her Grandma.

    Earnest

    Ha! Captain Amos, I expect my 5 Pesos to be delivered by the end of the day!

    Amos

    *sigh* What are you on about Earnest?

    Earnest

    Well I’ve solved it!

    Amos

    Have you now?

    Earnest

    Quite obvious to an educated man such as myself Amos.

    Earnest

    We agree that the Woodsman used his axe to force his way through the door?

    Amos

    Of course!

    Earnest

    Well you see here and here, perhaps a dozen more places, where there are cuts in the wood? Clearly they were made when the Crazed Lumberjack swung wildly at Miss “Riding Hood” and her Grandmother!

    Woodsman

    What? No! I didn’t-

    Earnest

    You sir, make me sick! What kind of man shames the honorable profession of Wood Cutting?

    Amos

    Well Earnest that is a very good deduction.

    Earnest

    Thank you I –

    Amos

    But wrong.

    Earnest

    Well I –

    Page 2

    Amos has donned his goggles, the lenses light up brightly.

    Amos

    The Woodsman did indeed chop his way through the door. But only after he heard a commotion inside the house. Once through he happened upon the very scene we ourselves bear witness.

    Amos

    These cuts in the floor are shallow and appear in patterns of 3. Suggesting not an axe wound, but the scratch of a large animal.

    Earnest

    An animal!

    Amos leans over the bed lighting it with the goggles. There are no stains.

    Amos

    Aye! Furthermore if they were attacked with an ax there should be blood everywhere! But the Forensic Lantern fails to illuminate even a trace. Allie could you pull the curtain?

    (Allie pulls the curtain)

    Allie (emitting steam)

    *k-tss*

    Amos

    The glass is broken from the outside? Seeing that it lacked the opposable thumb of the human being, the beast was unable to open the door. Thus it had to break through the window to enter the home.

    Amos

    Then it lay in wait for Miss Riding hood to appear, then devoured her whole! Isn’t that right..?

    Page 3

    Amos points dramatically at Grandma, who is obviously a large wolf wearing a dress. She is sitting in a rocking chair knitting nonchalantly.

    Amos

    … Grandma! If that is your real name!

    Grandma (speaking to Allie)

    I think they’re both idiots.

    Allie (emitting steam)

    *k-tss*

    Grandma is on her feet, appearing very large. and ready to pounce on Earnest. Earnest passes out and falls over.

    Grandma

    Growl!

    Earnest

    Faint!

    Grandma appears surprised as there is a clink sound of handcuffs being fastened on her. Allie has extended his arms into restraints. Amos is unfazed by these events.

    Amos

    Heh, heh. So you see, Dear Earnest, that your theory is not worth a ‘Continental’ Dollar.

    Amos

    I will however, accept the 5 pesos.

    Earnest

    Oh son of a &!$(#!

    END

  23. crescon 11 Mar 2015 at 2:43 am

    Script excerpt:

    Page 01 – Amos is introduced to Red Molly.

    01 Pier 17, long overhead shot that includes several airships in the foreground. Earnest and Amos appear very small in the distance talking to 2 other people.

    Amos – Mr. Earnest, if I am to Captain your ship I should be involved in hiring the engineer.

    Earnest – Point made, Captain, she’s my ship, and it’s my money, that pays my employees.

    02 – Full figure shot of Red Molly that overlaps into panel 1. Darcy is partially visible behind her. Earnest stands with his thumbs tucked into his coat.

    Earnest – However, I am sorry that you weren’t involved. We need a good chemist and Ms. O’Boyle is exceptional. I chose to hire her before someone else did.

    03 – Amos is on the left of panel pointing at Molly who stands on the right.

    Amos – You’re Christian name?

    Molly – Molly

    Amos – Who is the kid?

    Molly – Darcy, my assistant, and sister.

    Amos – What is the weight of air per cubic foot?

    Molly – 76.36 pounds.

    Amos – Lift of Hydrogen?

    Molly – 5.31

    Molly – and the Net lift?

    04 Molly and Darcy are walking towards panel, behind her Amos looks confused.

    Amos – Um…

    Molly – Right.

    Molly – I’ll keep your boat in the air, you just worry about crashing it.

    05 Amos has a stupid, open-mouthed smile on his face.

    Amos – She’s lovely!

    06 Amos is left panel walking behind Earnest towards the right.

    Earnest – Come now Captain, we are not a Cod Fish.

    Page 02 – Earnest brings Amos to the Crescent Moon.

    01

    Earnest – We saved the Crescent Moon from mothballs. She’s a 600 foot TransAtlantic class. Fast, and reliable, but an obsolete sailing rig. No steam propulsion.

    Amos – A TransAtlantic that is still operating? Mr. Earnest what sort of death trap have you purchased?

    02 Amos is in the foreground looking at the Moon off panel.

    Earnest – Now see here Mr. Amos! The Fenians are not a rich people, they have sacrificed there well being in order for us to mount this rescue.

    03 Amos holds up a hand to shush Earnest. He is smiling in admiration.

    Amos – Shush Earnest! I apologize. The Crescent Moon!

    04 Large panel showing the entire Crescent Moon in floating dock. Amos and Earnest are very small if they can be seen at all.

    Amos – She’s lovely!

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