Archive for the 'Marvel Comics' Category

Mar 24 2017

Letters from Deadpool

Published by under Deadpool

I provide advice about how to write novels, comic books and graphic novels. Most of my content applies to fiction-writing in general, but I also provide articles specifically about superhero stories.

Hey DeadPool,

You are a funny guy. How did you become a super hero? What do you do when you’re not doing anything? Do you like being a superhero? Why do you wear a mask? Why do you wear red and white? Are you Canadian?

Getting superpowers is sort of a long story. Some people are born mutants or work in a nuclear power plant. I got an organ implant from a doctor I found at an IHOP. (I mean, I got the DOCTOR at the IHOP, not the ORGAN, that would just be nasty).

When I’m not doing anything, I make fun of X-Men and my studio and my writers, that keeps me plenty busy.

The last Canadian I met tried to murder me with his claws a few times. And that was before I tried hitting on his sort-of-daughter, who ALSO has Canadian murder-claws. That’s since been adapted into two movies, Logan and Saw 3. #CanadianDating

“Why do you wear a mask?” To make it possible for Ryan Reynolds to play me in the movies. With the mask off, he looks more like an avocado than a mercenary (and about as threatening as a door-to-door Bible salesman).

“Why do you wear red and white?” It’s easier to wash blood out of red clothes. White helps if pigeons are around. New York has a lot of pigeons.

Yours,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Deadpool


Mr. Deadpool,

Is it true you don’t like to be called a hero? I like it when you make jokes. They’re really funny.

In your movie, why did you count your bullets when you could have picked up an enemy’s gun?

I also heard you don’t like the X-Men, is that true? How many enemies do you have?

I don’t call myself a hero, but I don’t care what other people call me, except for the time that Spider-Man called me Cable’s sidekick. NOT TRUE, CABLE WORKS FOR ME. He doesn’t have a movie yet. He doesn’t even know what a chimichanga is, so he’s no good for food orders either.

“I like it when you make fun jokes.” Thanks! Sometimes inspiration for a great scene hits me. Colossus bet me $20 there was no worse way to die than watching Green Lantern. The next day I found a Zamboni, and also eight henchmen trying to kill me, and the rest is history. PS: Colossus refused to pay up because he is a LIAR. And a Russian. Don’t bet with Russians.

“How come you counted your bullets instead of picking up an enemy’s gun?” Guns are like girlfriends: you don’t swap them out. Unless you find one much better. Or you have a katana. Trust me, it’d all make sense if you had a katana, or a girlfriend.

“I also heard you don’t like the X-Men.” TRUE. When I was in Wolverine’s movie, they sewed my mouth shut. When I asked Wolverine to be in my movie, or maybe someone badass like Gambit or Cable, the X-Men sent me a Twitter-addicted negasonic teenage warhead.

“How many enemies do you have?” I don’t keep like a running kill-count or anything but 100 less than at the start of my movie. Several remaining names: Wolverine (tried to kill me after I flirted with his daughter WHO TOTALLY COULD HAVE BEEN 18), Wolverine’s daughter (same), Sweden (The Katana Incident), Madcap (me but less funny), and Modok (he’s a floating head).

–Deadpool


Deadpool, how’s your granny? I heard your girlfriend kicked you out of the house. What do you think of your job? I hope your girlfriend will take you back.
How’s your day? When are you going to make another movie? In your last movie I liked it when you got your girlfriend back. I hope you make a new movie soon.

“How’s your granny?” SHE’S NOT MY GRANNY. She’s just someone I’m sharing a room with, who happens to be a granny, and also probably addicted to cocaine. That’s how she went blind. It’d also explain why she took a hitman as an AirBNB guest, just saying.

“What do you think of your job?” I have a job? I didn’t get paid anything for taking down Ajax. I wasn’t even able to sell the Zamboni. If Batman and Iron-Man have taught us anything, being a billionaire playboy is every bit as amazing as it sounds. If I have taught you anything, don’t go on a one-man journey of revenge and murderous redemption without getting paid for it.

“I hope your girlfriend will take you back.” Unlike the granny, she’s not blind (and I’m not a billionaire), so it won’t be easy.

“I hope you make a new movie soon.” Deadpool 2 is coming out next year. My sidekick Cable’s going to be in it. More importantly, me too.

–Deadpool

Why did you think about becoming a hero when you got an offer? I love the part in your movie where you cut your hand off, that part made me laugh so much.

Why did you make a movie? Why is your name DeadPool? Why do you live with an old lady? Do you have a pet? Do you have a car? If you wanted a car what would it be?

“I love the part in your movie where you cut your hand off, that part made me laugh so much.” When you’re filming a movie, most scenes get practiced 30-40 times to get the performance just right. Check out the take where I pass out from blood loss. Comedy gold.

“Why did you make a movie?” My life is grim, dirty, and loaded with murder and betrayal. It was either Hollywood or politics, and I don’t look good in a tie.

“Why are you named Deadpool?” A deadpool is when people bet on who’s going to die first. I had cancer (and a lot of it), so most of the people at my bar thought I was going to die first. JOKE’S ON THEM, SUCKERS.

“Why do you live with a old lady?” She’s blind and slow, two of my main requirements in a roommate. Anybody else would have run to the cops years ago.

“What was your favourite part in the movie when you were acting?” The romance scenes were all my idea. And, no, we didn’t use stunt doubles. The studio is still working out whether my ideas for the sequel are okay for a rated R movie, though. Or legal.

–Deadpool

5 responses so far

May 29 2012

This Is Sort of Cute

A mother needed help convincing her four-year-old (who suffers from severe hearing loss) to wear a hearing aid. He thought it was decidedly unbadass. In response to a letter from the mother, Marvel Comics created a superhero who used a hearing aid to detect crime.  This strikes me as a very thoughtful gesture (and, although it would probably cheapen the moment, very cost-effective public relations).

4 responses so far

Jun 19 2011

Are Marvel or DC Movies Better? A Research Survey

Summary

  • Including the older movies, the average Rotten Tomato score was 47.3% for DC and 58% for Marvel.  If we look only at movies since 2000, DC drops to 47.2% and Marvel inches up to 60%.  DC’s movies have actually gotten slightly worse since 2000.

  • Marvel has been having more critical success with more series.  Since 2000, DC’s non-Batman movies have averaged 38.7%.  Since 2000, Marvel’s movies without Spider-Man have averaged 56% and its movies without X-Men have also averaged 56%.

Continue Reading »

13 responses so far

Jun 28 2010

Is there a quality difference between Marvel and DC movies?

Judging by ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, DC movies do almost as well on average (although its bombs tend to be uniquely awful).

For the sake of convenience and clean numbers, I took the top 20 grossing movies from each publisher and then gathered their Rotten Tomato rankings, which are averages of hundreds or thousands of reviews.  (A RT ranking isn’t a perfect measure of quality, but it’s probably pretty accurate).

Continue Reading »

7 responses so far

Sep 01 2009

Disney announces deal to buy Marvel

You can see the Associated Press’ take here and The Wall Street Journal has more here (subscription required?).   I have a few thoughts below.

  • Disney is paying roughly $50 per share, which is a 29% premium over Friday’s closing.  If you own Marvel stock, you will come out ahead quite nicely on this.  It was trading around $25 earlier this year.
  • I am cautiously optimistic that Disney knows how to buy a successful firm without ruining what made it successful.  For example, Pixar’s movies didn’t drop in quality after the Disney buyout.  (Nor have they released a lot of straight-to-DVD sequels to successful movies).
  • I doubt this will have a noticeable impact on Marvel’s products.  Even the movies.
  • I think Disney is the biggest loser here.  It’s betting 4 billion dollars that it can leverage Marvel’s characters better than Marvel did.  I’m skeptical.

10 responses so far

Jun 29 2009

Disco, leisure suits, dancing monkeys and other 1970s abominations

GAH.

Atlas Issue #7, Variant Cover

MY EYES ARE ON FIRE.


8 responses so far