Nov 23 2007

Quote of the Day: Friday– Don’t drink the gatorade!

A note posted on the Office of Special Investigations’ office refrigerator.

At some point in the past six hours, a Gatorade bottle disappeared from this refrigerator. It had blue contents and a label reading “Agent Orange’s: do not take under penalty of death. I MEAN IT.”

I must consult with the unauthorized drinker immediately to discuss his/her/its future with the agency and any appropriate HR paperwork (benefits, next-of-kin notification/estate planning and last rites arrangements).

Possible symptoms include:

  • Hemoglobular disassociation (“blood feud”)
  • Sore throat and coughing
  • Writhing
  • Loss of appetite
  • Headache, disorientation and/or brain strangulation
  • Spontaneous combustion

Thanks!

–OJ

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