Nov 29 2007
An Indepth Forum for R.B.’s Work!
About the Author: Hola, I’m Ragged Boy, a strikingly handsome and constantly imagining artist here at SN. Anyone that knows me could tell you I’m one of the most random and crazy people they’ve met. I take that as a good thing. I’m interested in things like acting, modeling, drawing, writing, and anything that’s considered artsy. I’m always down to review your work, give creative input, and take your criticism. I love to interact with people and learn interesting ways to manipulate befriend them. I pride myself on being a Weapon of Mass Creation and you should too!
“Showtime” Series Synopsis: San Libre is home to movie stars, gangs, and most recently, aliens intent on enslaving all life. With the help of a batty alien chemist, an offbeat teen actor has to put away his Hollywood fantasies and get real to save humanity.
My target audience: 16-25 male comic book readers. I wouldn’t mind appealing to more African-Americans as well. I’d like for their to be more black superheroe which is why a majority of my character’s are African-American.
How thick is my skin?: I want to get published at all costs. Spare nothing. Offer creative advice. ”Nothing you say can hurt me, I’m invincible!”
Comparable works: I just realized that the newer Blue Beetle is heavily comparable with my work. Both star a young, impoverished protaganist who is affected by the doings of aliens. Also, Aqualad/Garth and Showtime share similar water manipulation capabilities. And, to an extent, Green Lantern is also comparable.
What I want in a critique: I want your unabridged, uncensored opinion. Like I said before I’m ready for anything you can throw at me. If your going to bash my work I’d prefer you actually put something I can improve into it as opposed to a blatant “You and your work sucks!” I’d also love your creative input as to how I cam improve. When volatile artistic minds combine they explode into a burning star of ingenuity.
First Five Pages of Showtime:
Page One: Ten panels. None of these panels are that big, but emphasize color. They to make these as gripping as possible. The dialogue does not have to be exactly on the panels, but should be generally close to those that the aliens are commenting on. Alternating colors in their text will help to differentiate whose speaking.
Panel One: Two shadowed fingers, one with a feminine figure, with what appears to be horns on her head (think ram horns, spiraling to the sides). The other with a manly one, although tall and lanky, having long antenna-like extensions for where his ears should be. They’re standing in front of a large monitor; the images on it are separated, showing an array of different events. The monitor is actually larger than what is shown, so maybe you’d like to add little tidbits of other images.
(Male)Alien 1: These are the last of our most, unaware, candidates.
(Female)Alien 2: 30,000 clinks worth of fuel, wasted on this.
Panel Two: A shot of a man at a poker table from behind, he’s hiding a cards behind his back.
Panel Three: A woman doing a flip off the nose of a whale
Panel Four: A boxer throwing a haymaker at his opponent, you could play this up by showing the victim’s black-eyed, bloody nose, spit flying face.
Alien 1(Off): Humans display impressive physical potential
Alien 1(Off): The council will most definitely be interested in physical aptitude.
Panel Five: A scientist brilliantly smiling hold a vial of glowing liquid in the air. Use lots of colors in this panel.
Alien 2 (Off): For such a weird-looking race, they’re quite intelligent.
Panel Six: A person in a ski-mask holding a gun to a crying woman’s head, his other arm around her neck, like a hostage human shield.
Alien 2(Off): If not hostile and completely selfish.
Panel Seven: A woman rushing through a burning hallway, a baby wrapped in blankets in her arms. She has a strong expression, determined to get out of the building.
Alien 1(Off): I disagree, they’re quite compassionate, just look.
Panel Eight: A police officer holding a gun at someone off panel. Demanding expression, like he’s yelling.
Alien 2(Off): Sure, if compassion is being able to kill on cue.
Computerized Voice: Destination Achieved, Landing Pending.
Page Two:
Panel One: The monitor is now shown to be larger than it was. It shows a large image of Earth. Magnificent blue, green, and white with a blue glow around it. The two figures are much smaller now, standing in front the huge screen.
Alien 1: This is Earth? Magnificent
Alien 2: Perfect disguise for such a hellacious place.
Panel Two: We finally see the aliens for what they are, Aliens. Waist up. They are lit by the light of the screen. They are looking very slightly above us. The man, Jimelly, is a medium shade of aqua, his blue is darker around the outline of his body. His eyes are large, black, and shiny.
The woman, Lae’Trell, is a salmon color. She does have spiraling horns to the side. Her pinkish hair is in a short Mohawk. She is wearing a black skin suit and has a thicker, but not fat, physique.
Both look generally friendly and harmless, they’re the good guys.
Lae’ Trell stands with her arms crossed looking annoyed, while Jimelly looks excited.
Jimelly: Don’t be such a pessimist, Lae’ Trell.
Lae’ Trell: If you insist. Suit up, were set to land in Santa Libra City.
Jimelly: Sounds most interesting.
Page 3: Splash with two inserts. Top right cormer and bottom left corner.
Panel One/Splash: A huge helicopter shot at Santa Libra High School in all its wretchedness. The building is dull and deteriorated. There are lots of people outside roaming the crowded campus. The school is three stories tall. There is a well visible sign outside with “Santa Libra High School” on it, many letters are missing but the name is still legible. The area surrounding the school is just as worn out as the school. Focus on the wretchedness of the area and the cold feel of winter.
Caption: Welcome to Hell’s Harbor High School.
Caption: Fights, drugs, baby mammas, we’ve got it all.
Caption: I’m into a different type of DRAMA, though.
Insert One: A shot of a large rowdy fight in the hallway.
Insert Two: A shot a person being dragged off by two cops.
Arrestee: Man, fuck you!
Page 4: Six Panels. Panels 1 and 2 take up the top third of the page. Panel 3 takes the middle. 4, 5, and 6 take the bottom third.
Panel One: A shot of a relatively empty hallway in the school, there are a pair of doubles doors visible and a small gold sign next to them. The sign is illegible from this angle. The cold winter light pours into the hallway giving the hallway a cold tint. Peaceful. We see a boy in a bright orange hoody pressing his hand against the door, that’s Adrian.
Adrian: Time to show them what a real actor can do.
Panel Two: A tight shot on the gold sign, it reads “Santa Libra High School Auditorium-Backstage Entrance.”
Panel Three: Looking down at the wide stage, as if sitting on a balcony in the middle of the auditorium. A couple of rows of seats are visible. There are a few people sitting, scattered across the rows . There’s a person on stage walking around, gesturing dramatically.
Adrian (Narration): This is my second home, not the school, but the theatre.
Panel Four: Backstage, there’s a small row of chairs. Adrian, the main character sits here, along with a few other people although they aren’t near him. He is a black student wearing a fitted orange hoody, dark blue fitted jeans, and orange converse with blue laces. It is dimly lit back stage, but lit enough to be able to read.
Panel Five: A tight shot on Adrian’s face, he reading a sheet of paper diligently. He is holding it with one hand. He has headphones in his ears and is smirking, making a confident expression.
Adrian (Thought): I’m going to nail this part.
Panel Six: A close up on Adrian’s other hand rising off the cover of his notebook, it reads “Adrian K. Gaines: Don’t steal this!”
Page 5: Five panels
Panel One: A long vertical shot on Adrian, he is standing and stretching, his full body is visible. His fitted clothes show his thin figure. He is stretching with a triumphant look of his face.
Adrian (Thought): I’ve got it, this is my part. I can see it now.
Panel Two: A tight shot on Adrian’s eyes, dark brown with a tiny twinkle of gold in the center.
Adrian: Yup, I can see it now.
Panel Three: A shot of Adrian’s full body, the same size as panel one. This is one depicts Adrian as way more muscular and defined. He’s wearing gold swim trunks and sunglasses. His brown skin is shiny in the sun. He stands in a dignified pose.
Caption: Sexiest Man Alive, Adrian Gaines.
Panel Three: Adrian in the same pose, but now women in bikinis are swooning around him.
Narration: The President decides as payment for your last blockbuster he’s giving a blank check to the national treasury. You’re a bajillionaire
Caption: Adrian, Best Everything!
Panel Four: Same as before, but now two giant moneybags overflowing with money are behind him. A messy stack of Oscars lay by his feet.
Adrian: I love my life.
Panel Five: Waist up on Adrian, back to reality, he’s still standing in the same position, stretching with a blank stare and dopey smile, drooling.
Eric (Off panel, onstage): “The drugs are gone and the cops are on my ass.”
