First off, thank you very much for responding to me. All of the articles you’ve suggested I have read a couple times in the past. The problem for me isn’t so much the story, it’s the sense that it won’t be well taken by many others.

Alas, I am probably rambling, so I’ll get to the point. Considering your points, I have revised my concept In terms of personality, I see Derek as rather carefree. This in the sense he’s not so uptight about life and rather he just go with the flow.

Unfortunately, having such a carefree stance has proven detrimental, as Derek comes off as lazy and a bum. Another trait that I want to exploit is Derek’s bravery.

Particularly, while standing up for anything, he does become very reckless, to the point where he doesn’t consider his options. This again can prove detrimental. Finally, Derek can be absent-minded, especially at times when he feels bored.

Again, I am attempting as you said to further develop him. Another thing, which I had forgot to mention, was that Derek has a catchphrase. This signature line is “Glorif**k” everytime he’s in trouble.

In terms of his actual superpowers, if it’s best to characterize them in one sentence, then it should be the following: “Derek can harness Celestial Pulse, a mystical energy that can enhance is strength, speed and stamina and give him other metaphysical abilities.”

His motivation for becoming a superhero was accidental. Upon discovering a mysterious object, he’s transported to a mythical dimension. It’s there that he’s put against several other individuals, in order to inherit the ability to harness Celestial Pulse.

For plot reasons, Derek inevitable becomes chosen and is endowed with the ability. Some of his skills including sensing a person’s energy, heightened physical feats as stated above, and the ability to project light-based energy blasts.

However, there are two main drawbacks to using his powers. For one thing, is overexerting his powers. Given Derek’s recklessness, he may, during a fight, use up all of his energy and become exhausted. This could be severe enough that he might suffer tremendous fatigue and loss of stamina.

Next, is the fact that while Derek maybe willing to use his powers, his body isn’t. To be more precise, being that his body isn’t necessarily use to performing physical feats, such as backflips, areas like his joints and limbs might become inflamed.

This could be such an extent that he’s unable to properly manuver, less he wishes to caught significant harm to himself. Finally, to touch upon my previous comment about my story not being average, I felt it was a little arrogant of me to proclaim such a thing.

Thus, I do apologize if it had come off as that. All in all, these were some things I had considered. Hopefully, they’re good enough,but I am open for suggestions.

The reason why I stress “tentative” is because I am nervous, anxious over the reality that my concept might sound stupid or be cliche. Not that most stories are original. Alas, I am going off track. Anyway he’s the concept.

The story revolves around a protagonist named, Derek Masters. A college student, he’s fairly average run of the mill person. However, after encountering a mysterious artifact, an accident occurs.

From it he gains the power to manipulate and harness “Celestial Pulse”. This type of energy in many ways is similar to Chi or Prana (Hindu philosophy) and enhances his physical attributes, along with giving him other powers.

Now, I understand that most people, may think this your average story.

While that’s true, the one thing I want to do differently is implement loads of Hindu Mythology, specifically about the Gupta Empire as well as, rather than have the tale fantasy based, geared more towards Sc-fi.

To get a better understanding, the Superhero Thor kind of inspired me in this thinking, along with Ironfist and Ling Yao from Fullmetal Alchemist. That said, aside from plot I am still confused at where to start?

I mean, I have somewhat of a clue about personality, but his powers, aside from the “Celestial Pulse” is still a mystery, given I do not want a Mary Sue (or in this case a Gary Stu) nor do I want him overpowered.

Anyway, I apologize if the post was too long, but I had just wanted to outline my idea. All in all, thank you very much for taking the time to read.

Cheers!

Also obviously when he gets to the chamber he’s told that his grandfather escaped and that he won’t be getting his revenge…

I’ll sum up my new ideas that I’m still deciding on;

1. Carlos and Maria’s parents died during a battle against the Hawthor clan (an enemy clan).

2. Their grandfather now has no heir, having lost his only son and he himself is no longer able to have children due to battle injuries. He sets his sights on Carlos, the eldest born but the weakest only because he can’t stand a woman leading their clan.

3. Carlos & Maria are very close.

4. Their grandfather has the power to create illusions.

5. Carlos’ training to awaken his powers is hopeless and there are doubts about whether he even has powers.

6. Desperate to awaken the power of the tribe’s scion, their grandfather invites Carlos over to his chambers one night and asks him to execute a man who supposedly slaughtered countless members of their tribe on the battlefield, a war prisoner.

7. Carlos accepts and takes a sword at the man’s head and beheads him. However the moment the man’s head drops the illusion is dropped and the man is revealed to be Maria. Carlos had been tricked into killing his own sister.

8. His powers awaken and he attempts to kill his grandfather only to be overpowered, they have a long conversation about how it was all for the tribe and how Carlos needed to be their leader and how Maria would’ve been proud to die for their leader. Unfortunately for his grandfather, Carlos wouldn’t give in.

9. He escapes using his new found powers, that allow him to turn into a plant-wooden like creature and control and create plant life.

10. Obviously no matter how powerful he is he’s new to his powers, henceforth he is heavily wounded outside at courtyard by the super powered guards.

11. He’s taken prisoner.

12. Is eventually freed when a group of supposed rebels attack the head family’s palace weeks later. Clearly he wants to kill his grandfather and goes straight for his chamber but is met by a man named Aden, the leader of the team that assaulted the palace and a man hoping to capture and arrest Carlos’ grandfather. They make a deal; Carlos can help them find his grandfather, using his information as a former member of the head family they may have a chance or they lock him up as a prisoner of war and a persecute him as a member of a tyrant tribe that killed millions during a war.

13. He accepts the arresting option, but keeps it to himself that he wants to kill his grandfather. Aden however knows about his intentions and hopes to keep him check as they work together.

I’m still working on it and it might not even end up being my final take on the character but for now this is what I’m moving on and sorry if some of it seems rushed like the being freed part, I was just summing it up. A lot obviously happens to him during those weeks and etc.

So whadaya think about what I’ve done with the story and how he encounters the main character and his new now cold, vengeful, short tempered and serious demeanor.