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This isn’t related to superheroes or writing, but might be interesting if you like US history.  In US politics, certain decade-long trends tend to recur every thirty years: warfare, conservative dominance, and liberal dominance.

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You have 170 days to file your taxes.  Don’t be late!

Art taken from this artist at DA.

A few days ago, a Senator modestly informed an audience that “I’ve forgotten more about foreign policy than most of my colleagues know, so I’m not being falsely humble with you.”  Who would have thought that a Senator had to defend himself against charges of humility?

http://www.invadenewzealand.com/ .  What more can I say?

Inquiring minds will want to check out Marvel’s Secret Invasion.

I’ve never been a fan of the Skrulls, Marvel’s standard shape-shifting alien villains.  Sort of like an Atlantean invasion, aliens feel so far removed from the standard Marvel setting that the effect is campy rather than sinister.  It’s also extremely hard to write an interesting alien invasion plot.  Marvel seems to be treating this plotline like it’s novel, but the concept of a secret alien invasion is pretty tired (Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the second Wild Cards novel, Animorphs).  “Benevolent” alien invasions aren’t much better (The Day The Earth Stood Still and maybe The Happening).

I found the ads for Secret Invasion above-average, but more because the slogan “Embrace Change” is vaguely threatening and sounds like it came from a US political campaign.

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For a tangent from our comic book offerings, J.M. presents these five questions guaranteed to tell whether you’re a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian or Communist.

What does America need more of?

Democrat: Tolerance.

Republican: Free-fire zones.

Libertarian: Porn stars.

Communist: Communists.

Who do you trust most to protect your liberties?

Democrat: The state.

Republican: Bush and Cheney.

Libertarian: Smith and Wesson.

Communist: Next question.

You hear that a politician had sex with 15 interns. How do you feel?

Republican: Enraged.

Libertarian: Jealous.

Democrat: My attorney has advised me not to answer any questions.

Communist: Eh… a man of the people is still just a man.

Why do you tolerate your political enemies?

Democrat: They have the guns.

Republican: I feel bad beating up sissies.

Libertarian: I’ve got enough drugs to go around.

Communist: Because anyone can be re-educated.

How would you react if you heard that the government was reinstating the draft?

Republican: Basra or Bust!

Democrat: I wonder what Toronto’s weather is like.

Libertarian: Not too worried. I’ve got so many drug arrests I’d send draft officers running to Canada.

Communist: I hope I’m not a minesweeper.

The root of evil is not money. It is the metric system, a strange cult that worships the number ten. It starts with a meter here and a newton there, and soon enough you’re selling kilos of crack to kids.

–Agent Orange

For an explanation of the Jimmy Carter killer rabbit attack, please see here.

If you would like this bumper-sticker on your car, you can look at it here. We’re selling it for $4, of which $.45 goes to the “Save the Starving English-Major Fund.” No pressure! Five will buy us a McDonald’s fish sandwich, 15 will buy us a Chipotle burrito, and 25 will buy us a panini sandwich and a glass of orgo-soy milk. [B. Mac adds: anyone that spends $3 on a glass of milk, let alone FAKE milk, deserves to starve].

Perhaps you’ve heard the proverb that teaching a man to fish goes farther than giving him a fish sandwich. That’s true. “So how can I teach a starving English-major to feed himself, Cadet Davis?” Well… if you’re feeling especially generous and have a large vehicle (like a hummer or an aircraft carrier), I’d estimate that I’m 250,000 249,998 bumper-stickers south of an English degree. At that point, I still won’t be able to pay for my own food, but at least I’ll know how to write grant proposals.

[B. Mac adds: hey, don't forget the Starving Political-Scientist Fund! These bumper-stickers don't write themselves, you know. *winks*]

Agent Orange Campaign Poster: BELIEVE

This poster is a sendup of Shepard Fairey’s campaign posters for Barack Obama.

This poster can be purchased for $10 here. (Our art may LOOK communist, but we’re not).

The current crop of presidential candidates leaves us yearning for someone who can plausibly claim the mantle of Commando in Chief. By a vote of 2-1-1-1, Agent Black beats Catastrophe, Lash and Paingod as our preferred candidate. As far as presidential candidates go, I think these runner-ups aren’t bad (certainly more credible than Huckabee or Biden), but they have several key electoral disadvantages compared to Agent Black.

1. Catastrophe isn’t human. Even if we put nonhumans in his camp, Florida only has a million alligators.
2. Lash is black and, probably worse, a New Yorker that works for an organization called the “Social Justice League.” Even without using racially-tinged imagery, you wouldn’t need Lee Atwater or Karl Rove to turn that into a 45 state massacre. If John McCain survives to Election Day, maybe 49.
3. Paingod’s a supervillain. That hasn’t stopped Lex Luthor, Tempus and Savage Dragon’s nemesis from running for the White House, but it would presumably be an obstacle. (”Well, I won’t vote for a Mormon, black, or divorcee… but I guess I could give Paingod another chance”).

If you would like to see this pin at our Zazzle store, please click here.

Note: you may have noticed that this post isn’t tagged with the “National Service” category. That isn’t accidental.

Earlier this year, the Everglades got pretty cold.

Picture courtesy of Burnt Umber.

Agent Orange, everybody’s favorite mutated alligator, has this friendly public service announcement for the residents of California’s 4th district.

Theodore Terbolizard is running for Congress. We all are in grave danger. Lizards are pathologically dishonest, which is why they love to sell car insurance and overpriced water. And run for Congress.

But this candidate is not merely a lizard. He is, by his own confession, a Turbolizard. He will run Congress so depravedly as to make the rest of Congress look good.

Unsurprisingly, his lizard cronies have rallied to his defense. “We need more lizards in office,” says a lizard named “Sharmuta”. Or should I say Shamuta?

What does Turbolizard stand for, besides pathological deception and nefariousness? “I am opposed to the use of terrorism… since the end of World War II, the United States has continually meddled in the internal affairs of Iran, and I am opposed to this interventionist policy.” How typically lizardly. He is allegedly opposed to terrorism but opposes any action against terrorists! This is like saying “I’m OK with mammals, but mammal-killing is a fine choice, too.”

It is safe to say that a vote for Turbolizard is a vote for the turbo-genocide of mammals. I’m Agent Orange and anyone that doesn’t approve of this message is probably a lizard bent on your destruction.

Ouch. The Washington Post caught Senator McCain saying on tape that Barack Obama is “too black to be President.”

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“The war on terror will not be won with just bombs and guns. We’ve got knives, too.”

–Agent Orange

Right-wing cartoonist Chris Muir may be suggesting that Senator Clinton, whose advisors have already claimed that “being human is overrated,” is playing for the mutated alligator vote. (Perhaps she’s banking on a Florida revote). Well, every voter counts, right?

Senator Obama’s pastor “makes Louis Farrakhan look like Hello Kitty. We’re going to have a field day with this.”– Todd Harris, a Republican strategist

This next one appeared in an article on the National Republican Campaign Committee letting a million dollars disappear, possibly into the personal bank accounts of its ex-treasurer.  “You can go online right now and pull audit reports for GM, and 3M, and Disney, et cetera, and replicate them and just change the numbers”– Allan Bachman, of the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners.  Thanks for clearing that up, Allan!  We wouldn’t want anyone to, uhh, learn how to scam audits or anything.

My first act will be to retroactively make my inauguration legal by reducing the age requirement.  I’ve got some ideas what my second act will be, but it will probably be something that I’ll have to disavow.  That’s OK.  The media thinks that there’s some law somewhere that you can’t challenge anything a President does in his first hundred days of office.

This is unfairly hilarious.

“Oh, come on, being human is overrated.”
–Mark Penn, a leading pollster for Senator Clinton

“No, it’s really not. However, if you’d like to propose a trade, I’m all ears.”
–Catastrophe

“Compared to what? I’ve got some ideas.”
–Jacob Mallow

“Mr. Penn, you just won the gator vote, but isn’t it a bit late to pander to Florida?”
–Agent Orange

I notice that Senator Clinton stumbled several times over the name of Dmitry Medvedev, who will almost certainly win Russia’s Presidential election on Sunday.  “Whatever,” she said, after several unsuccessful attempts.

My immediate reaction was “well, at least it’s not anywhere important.”

A few seconds later, I regretted the thought, but after some deliberation it seems pretty clear to me that the episode illustrated how totally insignificant Russia has become in US politics.  In terms of the governments that will prove the most relevant to US policy-makers, it’s probably not in the top 10 (or 15, maybe*).  Countries like India, Nigeria and perennial democratic friends probably affect American objectives more and, furthermore, those states will almost certainly prove more amenable to US interests.

(*Which 15 would I list above Russia?)

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