Dec 10 2008

Brawls at Chuck E. Cheese: “It was like something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie.”

Published by at 5:10 am under Comedy,I'm not making this up,News

Some choice excerpts from a decidedly wild profile of Chuck E. Cheese’s customers.

In Brookfield, Wis., no restaurant has triggered more calls to the police department since last year than Chuck E. Cheese’s.

Officers have been called to break up 12 fights, some of them physical, at the child-oriented pizza parlor since January 2007. The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child’s birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant’s music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain’s namesake mouse perform.

“The biggest problem is you have a bunch of adults acting like juveniles,” says Town of Brookfield Police Capt. Timothy Imler. “There’s a biker bar down the street, and we rarely get calls there.”…

In Toledo, Ohio, four women were charged with disorderly conduct after a melee erupted at a Chuck E. Cheese’s there last year. According to police reports, it started when parents complained to the restaurant manager that children were loitering at the drawing machine…

“I thought they were going to attack me,” says Sheri Kellar-Raab, the first officer who responded…

The company stationed armed security guards inside the restaurant in an effort to make it safer.”It was like something out of a Quentin Tarantino film,” says Mr. Zielinski, referring to the “Pulp Fiction” director. “What parent is going to take their kids to a place where there is alcohol and pistols get brandished?”

9 responses so far

9 Responses to “Brawls at Chuck E. Cheese: “It was like something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie.””

  1. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 18 Dec 2008 at 6:07 am

    You should read this:

    It’s about the common misconceptions people have about Australia.

  2. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 18 Dec 2008 at 6:08 am

    It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read, especially the one about what language we speak.

  3. Ragged Boyon 18 Dec 2008 at 7:04 am

    That’s hilarious, I found the first Q&A the funniest.

  4. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 19 Dec 2008 at 12:35 am

    Some people are so dumb. “What language do you speak?” English, obviously! “Does it ever get windy?” Is the Pope Catholic? Of course it gets windy! “Do you celebrate Christmas?” The Christian people do, and they make up most of our population.

  5. B. Macon 19 Dec 2008 at 2:15 am

    I could be mistaken, but I think that someone could ask about Christmas even if they knew that you guys were mostly Christians. In the US, Christmas is so firmly associated with winter (coniferous trees, heavy foods, snow angels, etc.) that I think the typical American would feel really strange celebrating it in a country where December is not actually winter.

    Also, have you ever gotten any inane questions like “do you guys put Christmas decorations on palm trees?”

  6. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 19 Dec 2008 at 2:44 am

    I was once asked if we put decorations on eucalyptus trees. I said: “Sometimes, but it usually depends if we can get the tree through the front door and into the living room.”

    I have numerous lies prepared to tell stupid tourists:

    Instead of putting an angel at the top, we get a live koala. This symbolizes the historic day when Blinky Bill became our first koala Prime Minister, way back in 1901.

    Our most famous Christmas carol is “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport” (We do have a song called that, but it’s not a Christmas carol) and we worship Saint Rolf Harris.

    We race sheep instead of greyhounds.

    We eat fish and chips every day. We all wrestle sharks and eat them for Christmas dinner. We can summon sandstorms at will and one of the children’s favourite pastimes is rounding up the cattle. Kangaroos can legally be babysitters, and mothers often arrange playdates with the joeys in their pouches. Everyone gets their sheep shearing license at age twelve. We say “bugger”, “bloody” and “strewth” a lot. We all live on farms and learn how to shoe a horse at age five.

    I don’t doubt that someone will believe one of these lies. Some people are so stupid that they’d believe cats could sing if I said so.

  7. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 19 Dec 2008 at 3:17 am

    Koalas don’t drink, because the water content of eucalyptus leaves is very high. They get enough water by eating the leaves.

  8. Anonymouson 19 Dec 2008 at 6:24 am

    I really like koalas. They live on eucalyptus, which is mostly inedible to humans. So koalas are environmentally efficient.

    Eucalyptus –> Koalas –> Humans

    Mmm… koala yummies.

  9. Ragged Boyon 19 Dec 2008 at 2:01 pm

    Eucalyptus is good in skin creams. It really opens up the pores. Wow, am I superficial or what.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply