Feb 02 2012
Hobbes’ Review Forum
Please see the comments below.
Our RSS Feed- Please Avoid Having Characters Repeat Each OtherCharacter 1: “Bob and I are going to Vancouver for the summer.” Character 2: “Vancouver?” Character 2 comes across as sort of mentally slow, right? Unless you’re trying to make characters sound slow (or totally disoriented), I would recommend against having them just repeat each other. Whenever a character says something, it should […]
- This Premise Sounds Brilliant: RedshirtsFrom John Scalzi’s Redshirts: Ensign Andrew Dahl has just been assigned to the Universal Union Capital Ship Intrepid, flagship of the Universal Union since the year 2456. It’s a prestige posting, and Andrew is thrilled all the more to be assigned to the ship’s Xenobiology laboratory. Life couldn’t be better…until Andrew begins to pick […]
- Which Tend to Be Better: Superhero Team Movies or Lone Superhero Movies?Since 2000, movies with 2+ superheroes have averaged 59% on Rotten Tomatoes, whereas movies with a lone superhero have averaged 50%. Lone Superheroes Company Average RT Rating Marvel 54 DC 48 Other 43 Overall 50 Superhero Teams Company Average RT Rating Marvel 64 DC 41 Other 58 Overall 59 Below, I listed […]
- How Would You Have Done The Avengers Differently?Is there anything about The Avengers you would have done differently? If so, what? (I wouldn’t recommend reading the comments here until you’ve seen the movie–there will probably be many spoilers). […]
- Guest Authors WantedIf you’re interested in becoming a guest blogger for SN, I’m looking for writing advice for current and/or prospective authors (for example, on some element of writing craft, marketing/sales, promotions/publicity, agents, the publishing industry, or anything else many novelists and/or comic book writers would find helpful). Please send me a 1-2 sentence quer […]
- The Avengers Was SolidI’d give it 3 stars out of 4. The closest comparison that comes to mind is that it’s the movie that Fantastic Four wanted to be when it was growing up (before it got addicted to cocaine and dropped out of school). Some other thoughts: The writing was very fresh and clever. I liked the way […]
- Canadian Superhero Authors WantedTyche Books is looking for Canadian superhero stories between 1000-10,000 words. “We want to see any and all permutations of the superhero genre, but with a uniquely Canadian perspective. Stories must involve a Canadian element — setting, politics, culture, history, characters, etc. Any genre-mashing goes: alternate history, crime, horror, romance, SF, fanta […]
- Please Avoid Having Characters Repeat Each Other
I’m so embarrassed ….. I already have one. Sorry I’m that forgetful
It costs me $0 to set up each forum. Thanks for your concern, but I’ll be alright.
No no dude this is really a bad thing. Forgetfulness is a horrible trait to have as an author.
Also I don’t know if you know but do you have to go to college for a writing career? If so how long?X
“Do you have to go to college for a writing career?” To be a novelist, no. If you submitted a great manuscript, it wouldn’t matter whether you had a college degree (or a high school degree, for that matter). However, I would recommend getting a bachelor’s degree anyway so that you can land a steady day job. For example, if you wanted to write for a company (e.g. in a communications or marketing position), having a bachelor’s degree is probably necessary for a full-time position.
If you can get a novel published, the advance is usually something around $4000-5000, which is not much money for a year or more of work. As a result, day jobs are pretty vital.
O ok sounds good was just something I was wondering
Ok so I’ve started writing and I have 6 pages the only problem is I don’t feel like typing six pages worth of a story by iPod. As soon as I can get to a computer I’ll post sorry for the delay.
I tripped over a fallen branch for the hundredth time as I trekked through the forest of what I hoped was Romero Bay. According to my parents, I’d reach the town in exactly two days.Of course I’d stumbled into bear territory, which really had me pressed for time. What type of parents let their sixteen year old son take a two day hike through a dangerous forest? Mine. But then my parents aren’t like other parents.
And I mean more than the usual ” I don’t like parents ” rebellious teen thing. My parents, aren’t human, or at least not all the time. They’re werewolves, meaning every night they run around with a pack of their closest friends. It also just so happens my dad is the Alpha. Despite this, as his son I have to work my way up.Which is why I’ve been given the task of arriving at Romero Bay at exactly noon. If I could do this I’d officially be part of the pack.My ceremony would be held at midnight, where I would experience my first transformation.That is assuming I’d make it in time.
A loud crunching sound instantly made me alert. There was a thud, a body hitting the forest floor, followed by the sound of weeping. I followed the sound, crouching low, I manuvered through the leaf covered ground soundlessly. As the sound became clearer, I recognized the crying voice as a females. Creeping closer I noticed a large discolored doe laying on the ground, lifeless. Right beside it was a teenage girl, her hair was long and black, and she wore a red and black school uniform.
An involuntary growl escaped my mouth. The girl startled turned to face me. Her icy blue eyes made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. They were so beautiful, and yet just as scary. The girl herself was cuter than any girl I’d ever seen. Despite this my instincts told me she was dangerous. I growled again, also involuntary. She stood up fast, too fast, I lounged at her unable to control myself. We fell, me on top of her.She stared at me a mixture of surprise and anger. My instincts were screaming at me,but this time I couldn’t tell if it was because of a threat, or something else. I had the strange urge to kiss her, and probably would have if her eyes hadn’t completely paralyzed me. She stared at me,and slowly oped her mouth, revealing a serpent like forked tongue. But that wasn’t the strange part, it was when she breathed in. My body began to slack as if falling asleep.Before she could finish a sound not far from where we lay made her stop. She blinked a couple of times as if snapping out of a trance.
” Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” she gasped as she shoved me off of her.she stood up and looked back at me once before running off.
Seconds later my strength returned, but I couldn’t help but wonder who she was. I had no doubt that I’d see her again. After all, that was a Romero Bay icon on her shirt.
Man that was a chore! This is the start of my story. Sorry for the long wait in the endi just decided to post it from my iPod. Please tell me what you think ^__^
Would it make sense to switch from each main character? Felix to Alexander to Lavinia? Not in that particular order.
“But then my parents aren’t like other parents. And I mean more like the usual ‘I don’t like my parents’ rebellious teen thing. My parents, aren’t human, or at least not all the time. They’re werewolves, meaning every night they run around with a pack of their closest friends.” I think this could be sharpened and possibly shortened. Maybe something like “But then my parents aren’t all that normal, what with the werewolf thing and all. [INTERESTING SENTENCE ABOUT HOW THIS AFFECTS HIM AND/OR HIS TRIP TO ROMERO BAY].”
–The main character is focused more on his parents than about himself, which is counterintuitive because I think the more interesting decision is that HE DECIDED to go on this crazy hike rather than that his parents LET him go on this hike. (This was his decision, right?)
–I like that he seems unusually bad at some things that I wouldn’t normally think a werewolf (well, a future werewolf) would be bad at. For example, it sounds like he’s having trouble on a (pretty basic) 25-50 mile hike to a city, whereas I think most werewolves are uncanny outdoorsmen. (Also, his parents let him do this hike, which suggests that they thought it was doable). I like that he’s unusually bad at this because it develops a potential avenue of conflict with his parents.
–Besides that he’s a werewolf, what is most important about this character? For example, what’s his personality like? Does he have any traits that are more important than his wilderness ineptitude? This seems like a momentous occasion for him (he’s having some sort of difficulty meeting his parents’ expectations and he’s, ahem, about to turn into a werewolf!), so it might help to have him work more feeling into this. For example, could you use his language to show that he’s getting frustrated and/or anxious? He’s been hiking for quite a while, right? Is he physically or mentally fatigued?
–In this spooky, potentially bear-covered forest, I think it would help to spend more time covering the setting. In particular, the setting is a bit of an obstacle to his main goal (getting to Romero Bay on time), so developing the setting as an obstacle is plot-relevant.
–”my instincts told me that she was dangerous.” I think you could show this. For one thing, he found this girl right next to a doe that has been drained of its blood. He didn’t hear any gunshots, so he can probably guess that she took it down without a gun, which is highly unusual for a deer-hunter. (Getting that close to a deer would take crazy skills, and then there’s the question of how she actually took it down when she did get that close).
–His instincts just sort of take over and make him fight (?) her. And kiss her. I dunno. I think he might be a more interesting character if he made more important choices himself.
–What is a Romero Bay icon? Would an icon of the city be emblazoned on a high school uniform? (One alternative would be that he belatedly notices that her school uniform has an acronym like RBHS on it, maybe on the back of her shirt. When she leaves, he might see the acronym and realize that it stands for Romero Bay High School).
Ill rewrite this part and post it as soon as finish so I can work in a lot of your suggestions
Ha, I’m glad you noticed his lack of grace. As for his instincts, he’s a werewolf thats reaching maturity. So this means his sexual desires,urges to transform, and the desire to feed begin to show more and more almost uncontrollably. When he attacks the girl, I wanted to show this. For example if a dog sees a stranger, it growls as a sign of its intentions.If a stranger makes any sudden moves the dog attacks. I want Felix to have
to constantly struggle to keep himself in check. Until he learns what triggers these instincts.
For my rewrite maybe I should tell how he’
Struggles to get a grip when confronting the girl.Thanks B.mac any other suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
“Would it make sense to switch from each main character? Felix to Alexander to Lavinia? Not in that particular order.” I’m not opposed to the concept of switching between main characters, but would not recommend doing so immediately after this chapter. I’d recommend doing so only after you’ve had a chance to make this character interesting and/or memorable.
…
“When he attacks the girl, I wanted to show this. For example if a dog sees a stranger, it growls as a sign of its intentions.If a stranger makes any sudden moves the dog attacks. I want Felix to have to constantly struggle to keep himself in check.” Hmm. He TELLS us that he’s acting involuntarily, but he doesn’t seem particularly shaken up about his body suddenly attacking and/or kissing her. It might help to make this a more difficult situation for him internally. (E.g. he might be in shock about what just happened, he might be ashamed and/or profusely apologetic, he might try to fight it while it’s happening, he might be more surprised if it’s something that he’s not used to, etc). Also, I’d recommend being incredibly careful about the sexual angle because sexual assault/rape is a lot more objectionable/unpleasant than generic violence is. If there absolutely HAS to be a sexual angle to these uncontrollable bouts of violence, I would definitely recommend introducing that only after we’ve gotten a chance to see more about the character and that he isn’t a serial rapist.
Haaaaaaah! I’m not gonna lie while I was writing it I felt weird like I was allowing a person to get raped. I’ll definitely change it up now and work in all of your suggestions thanks a bunch.