Aug 07 2008

Sir, Please Kill Me (A Horror-Comedy on Japanese Airlines)

Published by at 2:29 pm under Call of Cthulhu,Comedy,Horror

We board the plane at 3 pm. Everyone is fully sane.

5 pm: my legs have turned to jelly. I ask a flight attendant if I can get another pillow. No, she says. Current supply of pillows: 1.

6 pm? My mind is playing tricks on me. I am not sure if I was just sleeping and now I suspect that the six-year girl next to me has rifled through my carry-ons.

7 pm? I fear I may be the sanest person on board. For no reason readily obvious to anyone on this plane of reality, the person in front of me attempts to juggle his pillow and accidentally pegs me in the face with it. “Did you just see where my pillow went?” he asks. I smile and shrug. Current supply of pillows: 2.

Time: 6 pm? It was dark just an hour ago, but it is getting light again! What manner of skullduggery is this? I fear I have launched into an investigation of things man was not meant to know.

Time: ??. It is bright as day, but our cabin is shrouded in darkness. Our flight attendants inform us there may be turbulence. Dear God, please. I long for death’s sweet embrace.

Time: ?? + 1 hour? The turbulence appears to have passed. I’m still alive, unfortunately.

Time: ??? Flight attendants now refuse to answer any questions about the time. They know we are doomed; it is written on their faces.

Time is now utterly without meaning. A panic is gripping those passengers unfortunate enough to still be awake. In the confusion, I filch a pillow from the six-year-old girl. Now I have 3.

Perhaps an hour later, I am roused from a dreary half-sleep. Score! The guy in front just lost another pillow.

Now several Japanese children are sobbing uncontrollably. I attempt to explain that Ash isn’t really dead and that Pikachu’s tears will revive him. I learn they are actually crying because of a Japanese soap-opera. Madness, madness I say.

A stranger passes by. He appears to have retained some hint of sanity. I grab his shoulders and shake. “How have you resisted the dark impulses of the Elder Ones?” I demand. He laughs hysterically and skips away, changing nursery rhymes. I am lost, lost!

The pilot announces that are we are now entering Russian airspace. No, that cannot be! I counclude that he is either a devious trickster or, more likely, a servant of the eldritch horrors even now wracking my mind…

[There are no more entries.]

2 responses so far

2 Responses to “Sir, Please Kill Me (A Horror-Comedy on Japanese Airlines)”

  1. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 30 Oct 2008 at 2:26 am

    (Gasps) Pillow thief! Haha. I’d love to go to Japan, but the plane trip would kill me with boredom.

  2. B. Macon 30 Oct 2008 at 5:18 am

    If you fly to Japan, I have some suggestions for surviving the flight. Bring noise-cancelling headphones; the jet engines on a B747-400 are deafeningly loud. Bring electronic devices like a laptop or Game Boy; they will probably prove more engaging than a book. Bring a real neck-pillow.

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