Archive for the 'PG-13' Category

May 01 2014

And now, an exciting business opportunity in Ghana!

Published by under Comedy,PG-13

I provide advice about how to write novels, comic books and graphic novels. Most of my content applies to fiction-writing in general, but I also provide articles specifically about superhero stories.

One of my coworkers (who asked to remain anonymous) received this business proposal from Ghana.

 

Dear  Maccabee

My name is Barrister Agams Enoch Mifetu, the personal attorney of late Mrs.Eunice  Maccabee based here in Accra republic of Ghana I did a lot of web search before choosing your contact from the skype. It is with trust and sincerity that I approach you for assistance in this business.

Please do accept my apology if my mail infringes on your personal ethics and honestly it will be my humble pleasure if we can work together.

I would like you to act as an executor of late Mrs.Eunice  Maccabee my deceased client who made a deposit of (US$14,000,000.00) with a Bank here in Ghana a few years back. She died in Plane crash with her husband and their only child leaving behind no next of kin. And a citizen of my country cannot stand as  next of kin to late Mrs.Eunice  Maccabee that is why I contacted you.

Dear friend I am ready to share 70/30 with you, if you are interested mail me immediately for further details in this great future relationship.

If you are interested write me with your email and telephone number,reply me immediately. 

Regards.

Barrister Agams Enoch Mifetu

_________________________

Dear Honorable Mifetu,
Thank you exceedingly much for contacting me! It has been many years since I have heard the name Eunice. What a shock it was to hear that name again and from such a surprising, but altogether trustworthy, source.

Now, your position as barrister affords you the close knowledge of many things personal to the Maccabee family that one in your position would have and know of from the very nature of the position that you hold in close proximity to those in the family whom hold the secrets close to their hearts of which I speak.

However, there are some things that you may not know. Firstly and foremostly, is that Eunice was not all that she seemed to be. Please know, now, that at the time of her fiery death, she had quite effectively become the black dingo of the family. You see… Eunice was actually born under the name Eugene.

It was with great consternation of the family that the family’s general practitioner admitted to the accidental circumcision of the boy during a routine visit for treatment of dengue fever. While the name of Eugene was hidden from public purvey, the incident itself is well documented in the Ghana Premier Aboriginal Court of Law of which I am quite sure you are well accustomed. The case played out over years and, toward the end, even appeared in an episode of Current Affairs.

But I digress… let me speak more of Eugene… that he lived his early years as a woman was only the beginning of the shame that would befall the Maccabee namesake in the coming decades. Eunice, as she wished to be called after the accident, would go on to make her own name before the court, in activity ranging from strong arm tactics to online thievery, of course, it should be noted that most of the rape charges were effectively dropped as the court believed that she (he) had no way of carrying through with her threats of same.

Now, speaking of ethics… it is with the humblest of sincere intentions that I must inform you of the other piece of information that I am certain you are not aware of: You said the plane crashed killed Eunice, Bentley and the boy… but this is just the story we wanted the press to hear. I survived. I SURVIVED, Agams! I AM EUNICE’S SON!

I don’t blame you for not knowing. No one knew. I was found in the jungle, still in the loving arms of my mother-father, and they say I was quite sun burned but crying. That’s how they found the plane; a woeful child’s cry in the dense jungle.

Which brings me to the following: A very much appreciated the offer you made… but as I am a man of business, I am prepared to counter offer: Because of your sincere due-dilligence, and to keep you from revealing the secret of my identity, I offer you a substantial piece of both the inheritance, which as it has been accruing interest in the National State City Bank of Ghana since the seventies, is quite substantial. I cannot reveal numbers here, but let me just say that should you see this figure written down on a piece of paper, your eye balls would quite literally fall from their respective sockets.

Along with this, you are also welcome to keep a portion of the monies of fourteen million of which you earlier spoke. This is chump change to me as, I am sure you have done your research, know now that I am a tin foil magnate and make fourteen million in my sleep every month.

Your only requirement is that you breath not a WORD of any of this to any party, and should I learn that you went to the press with any of this information ALL POSSIBLE OUTCOMES WILL BE REMOVED. I hope I have made myself abundantly clear.

So, Mr. Enoch, it is up to you now to contact me.

Good luck.

-Uncle Maccabee The Third Esq.

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