Oct
08
2008
We did some calculations on the back of a napkin and concluded that the author of Things White People Like received an advance of 2.33 cents per hit. Assuming that our advance earned us the same amount of money per hit, our projected pay per hour of website work has doubled to $1.75 over the past three months. At this rate, we might reach minimum wage by the time I have my degree. [JACOB ADDS: Barely. Won't your parents be so proud?]
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Mar
26
2008
Agent Orange, our resident mutated alligator, offers us these insights into Things Mammals Like:
- Seatbelts. Why anyone would want to be attached to a flaming, twisted deathtrap is beyond me. If you find yourself in a car with a mammal– particularly one named Agent Black– the windshield is your surest path to freedom. Indeed, attempting to escape his mobile coffin by hurling yourself through the windshield would probably improve your odds of survival.
- Traffic signals. These hypnotic lights calm mammal drivers but scare mammal driving instructors when a reptile is taking a driving test. Relatedly, did you know that alligators are red-green colorblind?
- Playing golf. The mystery of golf-playing has fascinated alligators for eons, which is why you can find so many of us at golf-courses. Then the mammals shoo us away because they know how goofy their clothes look. (Mammals).
