Aug 09 2012

Character Questionnaire: How Would Your Characters Handle These Situations?

Shannah McGill has a character questionnaire based on character actions rather than character traits.

 

I would add the following situations:

  • The character’s lover or trusted friend does something which raises questions of fidelity. The Incredibles, for example.
  • The character’s main goal is irrevocably lost. See the first ten minutes of Up, for example.
  • The character is badly failed by the legal system and/or is involved in a situation where the legal system badly fails another character. See Gone Baby Gone and The Incredibles, for example.
  • The character is in a situation where his preferred approach is totally unworkable. For example, if someone like The Hulk were facing a hostage situation with multiple gunmen, running in will get a lot of civilians killed.
  • A movie or reality TV series is made about the character.
  • The National Enquirer publishes wild (and perhaps mostly-accurate) stories about the character.
  • A disgruntled ex goes public. Bonus points if the ex was driven away by a major decision of the main character (or vice versa), rather than the ex just being generically crazy and/or vengeful.
  • The character is forced to deal with two extremely urgent problems at the same time.  Bonus points if he deals first with the problem that most readers wouldn’t.
  • A competition begins with a much more competent rival.
  • The character is abducted by Canadians and/or aliens.
  • For social and/or career reasons, the character has to fake enthusiasm and/or knowledge during a high-stakes situation. (For example, the character is excited when ESPN offers him a commentating gig, but it’s an ESPN2 program on melon-tossing, synchronized shuffleboard, or soccer).
  • The character sees three police cruisers parked outside of his house. Or a tank.  Bonus points if his/her response is not to immediately turn around.
  • The character has to offer advice in a field where he/she is extremely unqualified. For example, helping a child with homework in long-forgotten subjects or providing life advice in an area where the character has been unusually unsuccessful. “Don’t get cocky, kid.”  Bonus points if the character does not immediately realize he is in over his head.
  • The character faces opposition from a totally unfamiliar sphere. For example, someone like Spider-Man facing off against a super-commando or someone like Wolverine facing off against a journalist.
  • A parent commits adultery. (Hat tip: CW in the comments).
  • Finding out that the true enemy is someone that has been relatively close. (Hat tip: CW).
  • The character is hunted by a supernatural police group. (Hat tip: CW).  Alternately, perhaps the character gets involved in the supernatural equivalent of a lawsuit, a custody case, marital/family counseling, conscription/drafting, the Inquisition, a court-martial, a divorce, an election or caucus, a citizenship/immigration issue, jury duty, a neighborhood spat that starts with something random like dog droppings and gets really heated, a predatorial lender trying to collect on loans or library late fees, a strike, bounty-hunting/subpoena-serving, or the mother of all speeding tickets. (The space police and/or Bureau of Dragon Licensing can ticket me all they want, but they have to catch me first–giddyup, Smaug).
  • The character needs to remove himself/herself from consideration for a promotion or assignment without damaging his/her position at the company.
  • The character does not know why (and preferably has trouble figuring out why), but a really respected and/or feared person has suddenly turned on him/her in a major way. This is one way of fleshing out unforeseen consequences to the main characters’ decisions–they might antagonize characters for whatever reason (e.g. arresting one minor villain might anger superheroes working a much bigger case against an elite villain). Bonus points if the decision was intelligent when it was made.
  • The character has a burning desire to accomplish a goal tragically and/or hilariously at odds with his background, like a rat dreaming of being a 4-star chef, a deaf-dumb-and-blind kid ravaging the pinball scene, or Dan “Potatoe” Quayle/”Mojo Slow Joe” Biden running for President. Bonus points if the character’s limitations are depicted in at least a semi-realistic way–the character’s triumphs and defeats will be more satisfying the more we see him/her struggle.
  • The character needs to leave a company or organization without nuking bridges there, but the company is very concerned about loose ends. What does the character need to do to reassure them? Does the company put any restrictions in place (e.g. the supernatural equivalent of a non-compete clause)?  Does the organization have methods other than killing and/or threatening to kill anybody that wants to leave?
  • The character used to be great at something, but is declining (preferably in a long-term situation not easily undone). For example, it is exceedingly rare to see superhero stories seriously deal with aging*–For one alternative, I really like Batman Beyond’s take. (Alternately, perhaps the characters aren’t notably old, but their capabilities fade. “House of M,” for example). *99% of superheroes embody youth and stamina–it’s part of the fantasy appeal.

25 responses so far

25 Responses to “Character Questionnaire: How Would Your Characters Handle These Situations?”

  1. YoungAuthoron 10 Aug 2012 at 5:28 pm

    “The character is forced to deal with two extremely urgent problems at the same time.”

    In my story, I have my main hero Black Dragon is torn between saving the lives two young children (one being his younger feeble brother) and saving the lives of his new super-friends. Does this sound workable?

    “The character faces opposition from a totally unfamiliar sphere. For example, someone like Spider-Man facing off against a super-commando or someone like Wolverine facing off against a journalist.”

    I also have Black Dragon face opposition from a newspaper which doesn’t approve of his sinster appearance and somewhat arrogant antics. Black Dragon saves his brother and almost misses saving the girl whose father is the head of the newspaper. Because of this, the paper seeks to tear him apart by headlining his every failure. Yes? No? Maybe? So?

    “A competition begins with a much more competent rival.”
    Black Dragon comeptes with his super frenemy Metallico for the chance to be the heir to the throne of Soaring Eagle, lead hero of the surrounding area. Metallico is much more down to earth, dillegent, and focused on his hero work then Black Dragon is.

  2. WritingNinjaon 10 Aug 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Ohh I love that idea. I never though about developing characters by their actions. I mean, I do it in writing, but developing them and planning that far head never occurred to me.

    @YoungAuthor
    I think you have some good ideas. I just wanted to point out though, it would seem like a hands down situation if he had to pick between kids or superheros to save. I don’t think anyone can justify him picking his friends over his brother, especially if they are superhumans. Picking which kid to save or picking between his hero friends would be more of a conflict. Of course it could work the way you planned it out if it has twists.
    Think Batman, Dark Knight. He had to pick between the girl he loved and the guy who was trying to save the city. Of course he picked the girl. He came to the place to save her but it was the guy. The villain knew far ahead what Batman would do.

    Conflict from the newspaper only hurts if your hero is concerned with how he looks socially. It just makes the owner of the newspaper seem very very bitter over something that *almost* happened. Now if the owner was purpose setting traps for the hero, then that would take an interesting turn.

  3. B. McKenzieon 10 Aug 2012 at 6:51 pm

    “Of course he picked the girl. He came to the place to save her but it was the guy.” I think it would have been more interesting if he had picked Dent (or at least considered the option). Dent was willing to put himself on the line in a major way for Batman and almost assuredly would have had a better chance of helping more people than Dawes. Batman was cold enough to not stop Dent from going through with his fake Batman confession–I think it’d be in-character if he had been cold enough to choose Dent over Dawes. (Also, I think Dawes getting saved but holding it against Batman could have been more interesting than Dent losing Dawes and becoming Two-Face).



    “Conflict from the newspaper only hurts if your hero is concerned with how he looks socially. It just makes the owner of the newspaper seem very very bitter over something that *almost* happened.” I agree with the second part–it might be more interesting if the newspaper is holding him accountable for a decision which is actually sort of objectionable and high-stakes. The first part (the character’s concern over his image) COULD be a problem, but on the other hand, the character’s standing with the public could present major obstacles. For example, any antagonistic DAs/police will be more free to act aggressively against an unpopular character and the negative press coverage may convince other heroes to oppose him and/or decline to cooperate. The cost of being his ally might increase. If the character’s major goal is taking over the reins from some other hero*, any blow to his reputation might increase the challenge there (particularly if the charges are plausible enough that other superheroes come to doubt this character in some way).

    *Which strikes me as less interesting than the character striking out in his own way. Here’s a possibility: the character has a McQueen-style developmental arc where he’s been lambasted as irresponsible and, let’s face it, there’s a more qualified competitor ready for that spot. He might achieve some resolution in the responsibility department by abandoning his goal and instead endorsing his competitor, which in the short-term might make him look like a lesser and/or less glorious hero and/or reduce his fame/status, but in the long term he might be able to make a bigger impact in his own way, whereas the successor to the great hero will always live in that hero’s shadow. (I’m not sure about the character’s current status, but in the past, I have thought that his concern about status/fame is unappealing/unbecoming). I think Batman also had a great example of that–in Dark Knight, he seriously jeopardized his standing in Gotham by falsely accepting blame for the “murder” of Harvey Dent and Two-Face’s murders, but he did so for a cause that was much greater than himself (he thought that the people needed somebody untarnished to rally behind and that the untainted memory of Dent was their best hope there).

  4. B. McKenzieon 10 Aug 2012 at 8:37 pm

    “I don’t think anyone can justify him picking his friends over his brother, especially if they are superhumans. Picking which kid to save or picking between his hero friends would be more of a conflict.” In The Taxman Must Die, I have a tentative scene in which (spoiler) one of my heroes (a mutant commando) is alarmed by two vans of heavily-armed men pulling up outside the protagonists’ safehouse in the middle of the night. Also in the house are his nephew (a grade-school Moriarty) and an unpowered accountant (a perennial target for assassins–the titular taxman). Whereas I think 99% of characters would wake up the kid first, the commando goes for the taxman. The nephew thinks that this is a backhanded way of cutting the nephew out of the battle plan and is especially insulted that the commando would rather trust an accountant in battle than his own nephew. In reality, the commando just always starts with the most helpless–the taxman couldn’t cross the street without making somebody want to kill him.

  5. WritingNinjaon 11 Aug 2012 at 7:33 pm

    I agree. If Batman picked Dent, that would have been awesome in a cold way. That would be an unexpected twist. I would buy more into Bruce being a recluse in the 3rd movie because even if he stopped the Joker, he didn’t do anything else right.

    “In reality, the commando just always starts with the most helpless–the taxman couldn’t cross the street without making somebody want to kill him.”
    That makes a lot of sense in that case because develops the character more. By that scene alone, I would think the commando was an unusual thinker who saw things that most didn’t. That’s pretty intriguing.

  6. YoungAuthoron 12 Aug 2012 at 9:52 am

    Thanks so much for the help guys!!!!!!!!!!!

    “In my story, I have my main hero Black Dragon is torn between saving the lives two young children (one being his younger feeble brother) and saving the lives of his new super-friends. Does this sound workable?”

    Sorry, I didn’t explain this well enough. The villain (Ellis) is an ex-scientist who knows Black Dragon (BD)’s identity. Because of the accident that birthed BD, he was fired by BD’s father. He injects himself with a fluid he had been working on that could give someone powers. (the notes he writes down are stolen and come up later). He recieves the superpowers of electricity manipulation, flight, and super-strength. Ellis’s plan is to attack Black Dragon and kill him for ruining his job and his life (his wife leaves him along his recently adopted daughter, Roxanne [aka Dawn Angel] who he experimented on. Ellis attacks Black Dragon and his hero team at a citywide ceremony to introduce them to the public. Excluding Black Dragon, the other members of his crew fly with wings and one of them wears a metallic armor so they are defeated by the power of electricity. Ellis then grabs two children as hostage, one being BD’s brother and the other being the daughter of the New Dawn Sun newspaper cheif. Ellis juices up an electric tower and sends it in the direction of BD’s incapacitated super-friends. He then tosses the kids off in opposite directions making BD choose one of four options. Save kid 1, save kid 2, save his friends, or defeat Ellis.

    How’s it sound?

  7. WritingNinjaon 13 Aug 2012 at 4:49 pm

    @YoungAuthor
    Wow. I think that situation is great because whatever he will choose, will develop the character. Not to mention the Villain sounds like a wonderful jerk. I love villains who just go all at it.

  8. ColdWindon 16 Aug 2012 at 11:16 am

    @YoungAuthor- Wow. your villain really goes all out. That’s good because it puts a ton of pressure on him and keeps the the story/readers on its/their toes. How does he save all of them? or does he? keep me posted:)

    Also some other situations
    1.) infedelity of a parent
    2.) Character is hunted down by the a supernatural law force
    3.)He/she finds out that the true enemy is someone that has been relatively close to him/her

  9. Bacchuson 20 Aug 2012 at 4:14 am

    Hi there!

    There is a book called The Book of Questions which has some interesting questions in it.

    * What is the worst psychological torture you can imagine suffering?
    * Would you be willing to murder an innocent person if it would end hunger in the world? (or you could adapt that to whatever might ail your world)
    * In a nice restaurant, after getting the check for an excellent meal, you notice that you were not charged for one of the items you ate. Would you tell the waitress?
    * Would you accept $1,000,000 to leave the country and never set foot in it again? (could be some other object of desire in a superhero world)
    * Someone very close to you is in pain, paralysed, and will die within a month. He begs you to give him poison so that he can die. Would you? What if it were your father?

  10. YoungAuthoron 20 Aug 2012 at 9:00 am

    @Bacchus- those are some tough questions!

    @ColdWind and WritingNinja- Thanks guys! Well his mentor, Soaring Eagle tells him that he actually does have wings, which he grows out in the battle with Ellis. He first saves his brother, which most normal super heroes wouldn’t do. Next he goes after his friends and moves them out of harms way. Lastly, he saves the little girl who was centimeters from smashing her skull into the concrete. (keep in mind he is being chased by Ellis. Ellis goes insane from the fact that Kevin was able to save everyone and escape him. Ellis creates a ball of electricity and flies towards Kevin, determined to kill him in one strike. Kevin dodges it, breaks Ellis’s arm, and attempts to knock Ellis unconcious. Ellis resists the punch and tries to take Kevin and New Dawn (the setting) with him to the grave by making his entire body electricity and self-destructing himself. Kevin covers Ellis and takes the blow, almost killing himself in the process. ta-da!

  11. Wilon 21 Aug 2012 at 11:47 am

    I don’t know, unless amongst the heroes friends was a significant other. I think the hero would always choose family first and then friends.

  12. Jason Blackon 21 Aug 2012 at 10:31 pm

    These are interesting, but boy, a lot of them are totally nonsensical for my novels. E.g., if a movie or reality TV series were made about my character, her reaction would be along the lines of Ahhh! How did I suddenly travel to the future! *goes suddenly mad*

    So, while I love the concept of this list, I crave YA and Historical versions thereof…

  13. B. McKenzieon 22 Aug 2012 at 12:00 am

    “These are interesting, but boy, a lot of them are totally nonsensical for [young adult and historical YA] novels.” I’m not an expert in historical young adult fiction by any means, but here are some ideas there:

    –The character has been drafted/pressed into service. (If this is not applicable to the character, modify as necessary–e.g. her father got drafted and now she has to help make up for his lost income, or perhaps the character’s property has been seized by a government or warlords or bandits but he/she has not been drafted).

    –There’s an exciting and/or highly dangerous new development in town. An inventor has set up a factory or other technological innovation of some sort, leading to substantial conflict from people tied to the old way of doing things (e.g. Luddite artisans smashing machine presses to reduce competition and keep prices artificially high).

    –Family and/or social norms interfere with romantic choice, preferably in an unexpected way. (For example, maybe the character’s family is upset that he/she is choosing someone from a lower social class–most protagonists work their way up and face more opposition from the other family. Or maybe the higher-class family is surprisingly supportive but the poorer family is not*).

    *E.g. a noblewoman convincing a Catholic priest to renounce his priestly vows to marry her. The Church would probably not be thrilled that he was renouncing his vows (especially if they thought that her money was even part of his consideration). On the other hand, the wealthy family might support the marriage even though he is poor–as a priest, he is probably well-respected within the community and somewhat well-educated even though he’s not wealthy.

    –The town’s primitive and unreliable shipping fails at an important time (perhaps because of a war or unusually bad weather or whatever). The town misses a critical shipment of supplies and it might be 3-6 months before the next one arrives. How does this affect the character?

    –A plague strikes! (Some possibilities: the character is infected, has a close family member infected, belongs to a group associated with the plagues*, and/or belongs to a group that has been hit unusually hard by the plague**).

    –A prolonged drought and/or crop disease strike, leading to mass starvation and perhaps mass migration. This might also lead to social upheaval and/or unusually high crime for the time period.

    *E.g. In many countries, Jews and foreigners were suspected of involvement in the Black Death.

    **E.g. clergy and the poor during the Black Death (clergy were on the frontlines of treatment, a very dangerous spot given the level of scientific understanding at that time).

    –The character is exiled, even though most people of this time period have not set foot outside of their town/village/neighborhood before and there’s widespread suspicion against outsiders.

  14. YoungAuthoron 22 Aug 2012 at 9:30 am

    @Wil-Among those super-friends is a significgant other, the world’s greatest ever superhero, and a frenemy

  15. ColdWindon 24 Aug 2012 at 5:01 pm

    @YoungAuthor- That is quite the trifecta of super-friends you have there. And depending on how you write the scene, this could be really good! You should post it when you’re done.

    @B.McKenzie- Thanks for the hat tips 😀

  16. B. McKenzieon 24 Aug 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Hat tips?

  17. ColdWindon 25 Aug 2012 at 3:29 pm

    in the post it after three of the sugestions it says hat tip CW

  18. B. McKenzieon 25 Aug 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Oh, thanks. I apparently had a brain-freeze. You are very welcome!

  19. Anonymouson 03 Sep 2012 at 11:57 am

    Sorry for the long wait. ALL feedback welcome, Enjoy!

    “This battle is getting boring. Let’s spice it up a little eh?”
    “Bring it,” Kevin answered.
    The crowd looked on in awe but then screamed in terror as Ellis dove towards them, baring his fangs and shooting off electricity into the air. Kevin followed in hot pursuit, his new wings making him more aerodynamic and increasing his flying speed dramatically. From the crowd, Ellis picked up two small children, one boy and one girl.
    “Put them down!” Kevin screamed as he saw Edward and a little girl in the clutches of the eight-foot beast.

    “Attack me and I drop them.” Ellis threatened.
    Kevin glared at Ellis helplessly with fire in his eyes. The fire sac in his abdomen begged to be used.
    Now follow my lead,” Ellis taunted as he executed fancy flying maneuvers such as flips and loop-d-loops. He dodged between buildings with Kevin right behind him.
    This is the way to Hartline Industries.
    Kevin kept his distance as his father’s workplace came into view. The crowd had followed them there and now watched solemnly. Ellis held the children in one hand while gesticulating with the other.

    “Welcome everyone. This is the final scene of the famous drama known as the Death of Black Dragon. In this scene your glorious hero must decide who to save. It is impossible for him to save all of the victims, ensuring his failure. Choice one is the intelligent but snobby heir of Hartline Industries, Edward Adam Hartline. Choice two is the spoiled but cute daughter of the owner of the renowned New Dawn Sun paper, Mary Sue Fosston. Choice three is to save Soaring Eagle, Titan, and Dawn Angel from the painful death that I am about to gift them. Choice four is to defeat me, which Black Dragon may or may not be able to do. Now without further adieu…”
    Ellis paused as he gathered electricity in his palm and shot it into the sky right above where Kevin’s super friends lay in pain.
    “You’ve got twenty seconds before raw lightning strikes them and fries them where they lie still. Let the scene begin!”

    CH.14
    Kevin watched in horror with the rest of the bystanders as Ellis hurled the kids in opposite directions.
    “I will stand here and throw lightning bolts at you. It’ll keep things interesting.”
    Kevin flew for Edward first, his powerful but sinister wings propelling him towards his brother. He reached his hands out in front of him while keeping track of the twenty second countdown in his head. He back flipped over a lightning bolt. Kevin reached out with his gloved hand and missed his younger brother’s Italian suit coat by centimeters.
    “Fuck,” Kevin said he flapped his powerful wings and maneuvered downwards.

    15…14…12…
    Kevin pushed off of a nearby building and roughly caught his brother with one gloved hand. He plummeted to the ground and put Edward in the safe arms of a nearby police officer.
    “Well folks. It looks as if Black Dragon has saved my first would be victim. Time to chase him with even more bolts of lightning,” Ellis shouted with joy as lightning bolts appeared in both his fists.
    “Shit,” Kevin grumbled to himself as he now flew towards his teammates. He dodged lightning bolt after lightning bolt, each slowing him down by precious milliseconds. The closest ones singed his nose and grazed the small of his back. He cried out in pain as the lightning jumped from water droplet to water droplet across his body.

    8…7…6…
    He landed on one knee and picked up Titan first. He was badly burned and still unconscious. He stuffed Titan under one arm, and picked up Soaring Eagle with the other, being very careful about his broken wing.

    3…2…1…
    Kevin dropped them off fifteen yards away and took off at a sprint. The sky rumbled and Kevin saw the lightning making its way down. It came down vicious and jagged. The immense light it let off blinded him as he skidded on the wet pavement. He scooped up Roxanne as the lightning began to spiral down towards his lower back. Kevin pushed of the ground milliseconds before the electricity smashed into the ground. The explosion sent him high into the air but he didn’t dare let go of Roxanne. He pulled her waking body closer to him as they landed near the crowd of people. He landed with a crack in his back and groaned in pain.
    “Get up,” Roxanne said as she pulled Kevin to his feet.
    “My wing is broken,” Kevin moaned as he felt the addictive power that came with his wings now flowing away.
    “Save the little girl,” Roxanne said. She picked Kevin up and threw him in the direction of the pavement falling five-year old.
    Kevin shook his head and swallowed to keep away the nausea. He stretched out his arms and prayed that he would get to the girl before she covered the ground. He saw the fear in her pale blue eyes could hear the scream stuck in her throat. She flailed her arms and legs, trying to grab onto air as if it could slow her down. Her blonde curls were closer to the ground than Kevin’s fingertips were to being under her back. Kevin was at full stretch as he desperately tried to slip his hands under her back before she made any contact with the concrete. He caught her in his grasp but only moments after her skull skipped one the ground. He rotated his body and landed painfully on his back once more.
    “He saved her!” someone from the crowd shouted.
    Officers made their way towards Kevin and pried Mary Sue from his hands.
    “Thank you,” Mr. Fosston said as he helped Kevin to his feet. After shaking Kevin’s hand, he ran to his daughter and enveloped her in a hug.
    “Impossible!” Ellis roared from atop Hartline industries.
    “Enough is enough Ellis.” Kevin stood firm with Roxanne now at his side.
    “Let the curtains close,” Roxanne said.
    “They will. With a spark.” The synapses in Ellis’ brain were firing on all cylinders and only one thought was computing. Destroy Kevin Hartline. Ellis knew there was only one way to accomplish his goal. He right hands smoldered was replaced by electricity. His limbs began to combust and his skin fell away. Electricity forced its way out from his inner being and became all that was left.
    “Holy shit,” Roxanne mumbled to Kevin. “He just turned into pure electricity.”
    “What do we do?” Kevin asked.
    Ellis threw himself off the building and in the direction of the thousands of bystanders. “Stop me now!”

    Kevin calculated the risk and his jaw dropped at the magnitude of the destruction.
    “What is he trying to do?” Roxanne asked.
    “He’s made of pure electricity. When he shot the lightning into the air, it started to rain. Water is a huge conductor of electricity, so—”
    “He’s hoping to kill himself and in turn kill everyone else. There’s water on the ground and everyone is soaked from the rain. The electricity will travel from puddle to person and make this area smell like a southern summer barbecue,” Roxanne finished.
    “Like a southern summer barbecue? Couldn’t pick a better choice of words?”
    “I have a plan.”
    “What is it?”
    “It involves you staying here and covering my back.” Roxanne leapt away from Kevin, putting about twenty yards between them. With the little sunlight that was visible through the clouds, she constructed a radiant dome around the plummeting Ellis.
    “Got ‘em,” Roxanne said triumphantly. She planned to let him explode in the dome but Ellis had other plans.
    “He’s trying to force his way out,” Kevin shouted to Roxanne.
    Ellis poked his head out of the dome with ease. The lack of abundant sunlight made it much easier than it should have been.

    “Roxanne,” Kevin said. “I have to go into the dome.”
    Ellis wiggled his left arm out as he came closer to the ground.
    “Why?”
    “Ellis is escaping! I need to do this. I made him this way and I have to stop him.”
    “He’s my dad Kevin!”

    “Sorry. If I don’t make it,” Kevin began, but he realized that there was no time to finish. He jumped up into the dome as it came down to meet him and tackled Ellis back in. His body barely had time to register the enormous shock wave he was receiving as he covered Ellis’s body with his own. The golden dome connected with the ground and inside it, Ellis hit the ground entangled with Kevin. The noise was deafening inside the dome. Kevin felt his ears pop and his blacked out. The dome held the explosion as people dove away from the silent catastrophe. The unstable new form that Ellis had transformed into meshed with Kevin’s armor. The lack of metal eased the pain, but Kevin was far past consciousness and couldn’t tell the difference.

  20. LanternGreenon 03 Sep 2012 at 12:14 pm

    This is intense!!!!!!!! I loved this entire scene but some parts were kinda slow and confusing. Who is Ellis? Who is Roxanne? Who is Kevin? The ending seemed kinda slow as if you lost interest maybe? But the part where he begins the “scence” and tosses the kids off the building is really enveloping. I wanna read more. What happens to Kevin? What is his costume made of? Is the the beginning of the scene?

  21. ColdWindon 03 Sep 2012 at 1:53 pm

    I truly enjoyed reading this although it could have been much clearer with proir knowledge. I agree with LanternGreen that the ending of this scene could be much better but that comes with practice. Your character Kevin, who i am guessing is Black Dragon seems like he could use a deep personality but maybe you described that in earlier readings.

    “Roxanne,” Kevin said. “I have to go into the dome.”
    Ellis wiggled his left arm out as he came closer to the ground.
    “Why?”
    “Ellis is escaping! I need to do this. I made him this way and I have to stop him.”
    “He’s my dad Kevin!”

    This part seems like it needs more dialogue. IF you are trying to make it dramatic it could use maybe two or three more lines.

    “Kevin calculated the risk and his jaw dropped at the magnitude of the destruction.
    “What is he trying to do?” Roxanne asked.
    “He’s made of pure electricity. When he shot the lightning into the air, it started to rain. Water is a huge conductor of electricity, so—”
    “He’s hoping to kill himself and in turn kill everyone else. There’s water on the ground and everyone is soaked from the rain. The electricity will travel from puddle to person and make this area smell like a southern summer barbecue,” Roxanne finished.
    “Like a southern summer barbecue? Couldn’t pick a better choice of words?”

    I have never seen this done before and I loved it. It was very fresh. I’m assuming this isn’t your final scene and if it is not, your final scene is going to need a lot of drama to match this. 😀 The barbecue line was gold.

    “Her blonde curls were closer to the ground than Kevin’s fingertips were to being under her back.”

    “Kevin felt his ears pop and his blacked out.” he blacked out?
    huh??? why doesn’t he put his hands under her head first?

    Overall, you could try to show us what you mean through your writing rather than telling us. More sensory details would be very helpful too. But i loved this scene 🙂 🙂 🙂

  22. Reddyon 03 Sep 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Stumbled upon this site and its like a diamond mine! I like the scene above^^, its really entertaining

  23. CCOlsonon 24 Sep 2012 at 4:13 pm

    As a historical observation regarding the concept of a priest renouncing his vows to marry a noblewoman, here is how a real incident of that went down way back:

    Martin Luther, starter of the Christian Reformation several centuries ago, married a nun who renounced her vow of celibacy in order to become his wife. In response, some in the Catholic church began circulating the rumor that Luther’s child with his new wife would be the Antichrist.

    Of course, they were already mad at him for a number of other reasons, so it could go better for a Priest whose only breach with the church was renouncing the vow of celibacy in favor of marriage. It would definitely be an exciting fiasco for a writer of historical drama.

  24. Only Under the Rafterson 03 Dec 2012 at 6:24 am

    “see the first ten minutes of Up”
    *sobs* why would you bring that uuuuupp DX i had forgotten all about it ITS ALL RUSHING BACK *sobbing*

  25. Glamtronon 09 Feb 2014 at 4:21 pm

    a question. What would earn bonus points in a situation where the hero is stuck in a matter of life and death/being captured and stranded in the place forever. And the worst part is.. He’s in such danger without his powers(a device) for the 1st time in his life.

Comments RSS

Leave a Reply