Dec 10 2010
Plot synopsis haikus
Here’s a wacky writing challenge inspired by Sporcle. Write a plot synopsis as a haiku. Here’s my favorite, one for Don Quixote:
Delusional man
Partner rides on a donkey
Terrorist windmills
Post yours below!
Our RSS Feed- The Batman: what were they thinking (1.5 stars out of 5)The Batman was terrible. If you’re mainly watching this for comedic potential, I’d get as many Spanish-speakers or gringos as you can find, and let’s learn about the difference between “el” and “la” with Batman. –There’s a spectacularly strange scene where Batman tries interrogating Riddler and Riddler bursts into a soprano rendition of Ave Maria. […]
- Suicide Squad sequel: 2.5 stars out of 5, far improved over original–There’s intense violence but not a lot of feeling here. It’s not a very exciting movie. But it’s functional. It’s frequently tedious but rarely boring. Only the political sermons and Weasel are viciously bad. It’s definitely a huge improvement over the first movie. –Most of what sucked about Suicide Squad 1 was an overfocus on […]
- Hour 1 of Justice League’s Snyder Cut, Scene By Scene1:30 – 6:55: Cyborg sees his Mother Box acting up. Then Mera sees her Mother box acting up. Then Amazon guards see their Mother Box acting up. Also there’s a Lex Luthor flashback where the computer shows him that Mother Boxes are plot relevant in case you missed that. PS: In the first 8 minutes […]
- 2020: Even Wonder Woman Lets Us Down–Wonder Woman 1984 is not nearly as good at the original. Pluses: the cast is still very charming, and a few of the fight scenes are effective. I did actually like most of the first hour of the movie. –Setting: In the original Wonder Woman, the WWI setting contributes to a hard bleakness which effectively […]
- Captain Marvel Review: 1.5 Stars Out of 51. I don’t know where to start with Captain Marvel. So many things went so wildly wrong that we’d need a presidential commission to get to the bottom of it. It’s like the Chernobyl of superhero movies. 2. If at any point you feel like your action movie would benefit from a character whose main […]
- Spider-Man: Far From Home Review (1 star out of 5)1. This version of Spider-Man is a useless toolbox who actively avoids doing interesting things, and what he does attempt is usually wimpy and/or incompetent. 2. Unlike most main characters, his choices don’t matter much. For example, he chooses to leave his supersuit at home (but his aunt sneaks it in anyway) and he tries […]
- Rotten Tomatoes Score Dataset UpdatedWe’re up to 72 superhero movies since 2000 (current as of November 2017). You can download the full data here. Some observations: R movies are making up the quality gap with PG-13 movies. Superhero movies are improving. Over the last 5 years (2013-2017), the average superhero movie is averaging 70% on Rotten Tomatoes, up […]
- The Batman: what were they thinking (1.5 stars out of 5)
A giant reptile’s
mutated by radiation:
There goes Tokyo.
Fun-loving gators
and supervillains agree:
The Taxman Must Die.
Egypt nukes NATO,
Much hand-wringing by Aussies:
Everybody dies
Sociopath cops
Save the day with machine guns,
Sometimes on purpose
Enslaved pets battle
for amusement of owners:
“Screw you, Pikachu!”
Wanna be the Guy?
Unless you’re a godly gamer,
Don’t quit your day job.
Gamestop hates rad toads,
As do their game designers:
Turbo Tunnel kills
Most important lesson
of The Shining’s brutal deaths?
“Don’t be a writer.”
Shooting bad guys proves
Freedom is the only way;
Crazy Yanks: f*** yeah!
CEO wastes foes
by making badass weapons
With a box of scraps
Blonde-haired ninja boy
Wants to become the leader
And become a man
A man-shaped robot
That makes no physical sense
Fights the space fascists
Sorry for the repeat — the previous one got trapped in moderation.
If possible, B. Mac, please delete the post that comes directly after my first one.
Ah, yeah. Comments automatically get trapped in moderation if they have more than two links. It usually takes me a few hours to realize they’re there and free them.
PS: I liked the Gundam haiku a lot. 🙂
Thanks, B. Mac! Here’s another:
Digital monsters
Spill over into our world
Damn you Microsoft
Okay, this one isn’t as good, but it’s the best I could come up with on such short notice.
Whatever it takes,
Exterminate all the brutes:
“Mistah Kurtz, he dead.”
Jane’s wedding ruined by
Ed’s first wife in the attic:
WTF?
When vampires get hawt,
Not a tradition is safe:
Not even baseball.
Britishenanigans
lead to a shocking reveal:
“Yawrawizard, ‘arry!”
Chicago wizard
neckdeep in crime and scandal:
Harry’s not Potter.
This one is dedicated to one of my fantasy football foes.
Fantasy draft day
You picked many veterans:
Brett Favre, kiss of death.
With magenta robes,
fights in the Meiji era
as a wanderer.
Lion is missing,
four kids inside a wardrobe
must restore world peace.
Man follows “rabbit”
down the cibernetic hole:
“What is the Matrix?”.
Demon-fox within,
ostrasized by his village,
seeks recognition.
Don’t know if they are any good, but I tried my best though 😛
They are quite easy (I think), hope you get’ em all 🙂
Sigourney Weaver
must kill E.T. after he
moons America
I won’t link to anything, because it’ll be put up for moderation, but I’ll give the title before each one.
Avatar: The Last Airbender
The last Airbender
Must learn all four bending arts
Can he save the world?
Kingdom Hearts
Shadow creatures kill
Stealing the hearts of humans
Can Sora stop them?
Death Note
The deadly notebook
Write the name and see them die
God of the new world
Lovely Complex
Tall girl and short boy
Best friends, rivals, and LOVERS?
Will their love survive?
Doctor Who
He can change his face
And he’ll save the universe
With a nice blue box
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo
Kangaroo makes friends
He has done heroic deeds
And he likes to jump
Kissed his twin sister
Did not know it at the time
What a memory
(Star Wars)
He lives in a box
And can travel through outer space
Oh and goes through time
(Doctor Who)
This movie took so long
And you can sum it up quick
Go live in Africa
(2012)
Tortured mentally
He dresses as a bat now,
To save the city
(Batman, durr. X3)
Random Fan Haiku
“Mistah J, what’s wrong?”
She knows he won’t answer her,
But she has to try.
“Mistah J, what’s wrong?”
She knows he won’t answer her,
But she has to try.”
Wow, I loved that. 🙂 Also, Dani’s 2012 haiku was significantly better than the movie itself. (Admittedly, a low bar).
“Also, Dani’s 2012 haiku was significantly better than the movie itself. (Admittedly, a low bar).”
I’ll admit 2012 is utterly ridiculous, but I actually really liked it for two main reasons: I could sit under a tree at year 12 Catholic retreat with Sam, and we picked it to pieces and made fun of it.
“Oh, and they say a similar thing happened before, right? Where’s the geological evidence? If there were some, they’d have noticed, right?”
“Yeah! And did you notice all those clichés? They die when they think they’re safe, things stop moments before impact and suffer only minor damage, every other car in the city is destroyed but theirs!”
I also liked it for the explosions. If a movie has enough things blowing up, or a big enough disaster where either millions die, or a big portion of the cast, I’m almost guaranteed to like it.
Many of my top favourite movies are disaster films, even the ones most people hate. The Core, 2012, Cloverfield, Titanic, The Day After Tomorrow, Poseidon, etc. I’m also drawn to documentaries about morbid stuff: Bowling for Columbine, Pompeii: The Last Day, etc. On top of that, I like zombie movies like I Am Legend, Zombieland, etc. (I love Zombieland. <3 )
I like to think this would make me very easy to date. I can sit through pretty much anything and enjoy unless it's a horror movie or has no redeeming qualities in my eyes. XD
The only reason a guy would go to see Titanic is if he loves his girlfriend more than his dignity. That’s why ladies make their boyfriends watch Titanic–to test their commitment.
The only reason anyone would go to see 2012 is if they love John Cusack more than their sanity. (There’s enough water to submerge the Himalayas but Africa is okay? WTF? The highest point on Africa, Mt. Kilimanjaro, is about 10,000 feet shorter than Mt. Everest).
“The only reason anyone would go to see 2012 is if they love John Cusack more than their sanity.” <– That's the only reason I saw it. I'm a Cusack fan for his bumbling innocence but that was a bad movie.
I haven't seen Poseidon because I am scared it is going to ruin the original version I like so much. It was one of the first disaster movies I ever saw and I am too scared with all of this rehashing of films to view it.
Need a quick movie
Take this one that is just fine
Now that movie sucks
Speaking of horrible remakes:
Sidney Poitier
rolls violently in his grave:
Why, Bernie Mac, why?
Actually, Sidney Poitier is still alive (age 84), but I wouldn’t blame him if Guess Who finished the job.
Alfred Hichcock tribute:
Acrophobic cop
Suicidal “Madeline”
Fearsome nuns cause death
Paralyzed creeper
Mysterious deeds
No more Ms. Thorwald
Lunch over lamb chops
Foreign to one another
“Criss cross” murder plot
Birds in a pet store
Birthday party incident
Avians out to get you
Abandoned at sea
Should they let the German live?
Rescued at long last
Norman Bates Motel
Creepy voice, mommy issues
Famous shower scene
If you have no taste in cinema and don’t know the titles:
Vertigo
Rear Window
Strangers on a Train
The Birds
Lifeboat
Psycho
Hooray for 1950’s films!!!
I loved “Should they let the German live?” and “No more Ms. Thorwald.” 🙂
Another one for Doctor Who:
Strange little blue box
It’s bigger on the inside
Helps to save the day.
More later, just need time to think…
(Jurassic Park)
Cloning dinosaurs for fun and profit
Then the lawyer loses his head
turns out the raptors really are Clever Girls.
(A Clockwork orange)
Alex Delarge does the ultra-violence
Then he gets to watch movies for therapy
He’s cured all right.
(The Godfather)
Never start a vendetta with a Sicilian,
or his family for that matter,
they’ll make you an offer You Can’t Refuse
(2001: A Space Odyssey)
The computer won’t open the door,
so Dave enters another one,
finds his ‘youth’ again.
Are these any good? Those are my very first attempts at Haiku’s. Mainly I tried because I saw a bunch of other people doing them.
I liked your Jurassic Park and the distinctive phrases from Clockwork Orange and Godfather worked pretty well. However, I think there are usually 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 in the third (although I cheated a few times above).
Criminals unmasked
by a drug-addled hippie
whose dog talks to him.