Hat-tip: J.A. Konrath.

1.  “This is just like Harry Potter meets Dirty Harry.” Comparing your work to another will probably make your work sound like an uninspired ripoff.  Also, you can’t assume that the editor likes Harry Potter, or Twilight, or Spiderman, or whatever else you might think is the most awesome work ever.  Instead of trying to hitch a ride on somebody else’s bandwagon, talk about your work.  If editors think “this will totally work with Harry Potter fans,” great, but let them make that determination on their own.

2.  The description of the plot/characters lacked details. “Gary must work with his partner to stop the villain and save the day.”  What are Gary and the partner like?  What’s the villain like? What’s the villain’s goal? Why should we care if they stop him?  A more detailed description is usually more interesting.  If I had to describe The Taxman Must Die in a single sentence, I’d prefer something like “Two unlikely Homeland Security super-agents, an accountant and a fun-loving mutant alligator, must band together to prevent a deranged cosmeticist from destroying humanity.”  See more details on how to write an interesting and exciting pitch for your story here.

2.1  You forgot to mention the main goal(s) of the characters and major obstacles.  That’s sort of the point of the book!  Don’t miss it.

3.  You addressed the letter “To Whom It May Concern,” “Dear Editor” or “Dear Agent.” If at all possible, get a name–it’s more personal.  Most literary agencies have bios and specialties listed for each agent online, so address it to an agent that specializes in your genre(s).  If you’re submitting to a publisher, try using Google and addressing it to an editor that handles submissions.  Even though your manuscript may well be evaluated by somebody else, that will show that you have put some thought into this company specifically.  If the publisher has made no information available, then I think Dear Editor is the least awful alternative.  (I would recommend against calling the publisher and asking for the name of somebody to address it to–I think that’s generally seen as a breach of etiquette).

4.  The query failed to demonstrate an understanding of the company. Check the publisher’s submissions page and see what they’ve published recently.  Unless your book is similar to at least a few books they’ve published recently, it probably isn’t a good fit for that publisher.

5.  The query focused too much on you, rather than your story. By and large, credentials don’t matter for novelists unless the credentials will help you sell thousands of copies.  Here are a few examples of credentials that are actually worth noting.

• You’ve professionally published a book before (please give the title, publisher and year published).  Some authors mention short stories and articles, but these credits aren’t as important.
• You’ve worked in publishing or any other field related to writing, editing and/or selling books.
• You’ve sold thousands of copies of a self-published book.  (Nicely done!)
• You’ve amassed hundreds of thousands of readers.  Maybe you write for a large newspaper or magazine or a well-read blog.
• You’ve won a major writing award.  PS: It’s only major if editors have heard of it.
• You have professional experience directly relevant to the book.  Maybe you’re a cop writing a detective story or a teacher writing a children’s book.

Unless your credentials are really impressive, I’d recommend limiting your self-description to 0-1 sentences.

6.  The query had typos.  One may be tolerable; anything more than that strongly suggests that the manuscript is riddled with errors and that the author is not yet at a professional level.  Publishers can wait.

7.  The query mentioned the prospects of a movie deal or video game. These are irrelevant to the only question the editor cares about: is this book worth publishing?  Also, some editors hate working with sequels/series and would much rather work with novels that could be extended into series later rather than books that have to be published as series.  Publishers are leery of making long-term commitments to unproven authors.  If you’d like a long-running series, it’s easier to publish something small first and extend it into a series after you’ve shown your editor how awesome you and your work are. On the other hand, comic book publishers are generally more amenable to series, but it’s still easier to break in with a one-shot comic book than a limited series or (God help you) an ongoing series.

8.  You forgot to mention how long it is. A novel query needs a word-count (rounded to the nearest thousand).  If you’re not sure how long a novel manuscript should be, check out these length guidelines.  Generally, anything between 80,000-100,000 words is safe for an adult novel.  Books for kids and young adults have their own length guidelines.  For comic books and graphic novels: A submission letter for a comic book or graphic novel needs a page-count.  Check the publisher’s past works to see what length they prefer to work with, but most small and medium publishers prefer comic books ~24 pages long. I think there’s more variety among graphic novels, but generally I’d go with something on the higher end of 150-200 pages.  NOTE:  Comic book submissions should include the page count of the comic book as it will be printed, NOT the number of pages in the script.  There may be a slight discrepancy between the two if any of the comic book pages take more than one page of script.

9.  The novel hasn’t been finished yet. Extremely few publishers consider uncompleted novel submissions from unpublished authors.  Editors don’t know if/when an author will finish an unfinished manuscript, but it will probably take at least months to finish the first draft, let alone handle the rewrites.  We can wait.  Comic book publishers tend to be a bit more receptive to works in progress, so check the submissions page to learn about each publisher’s expectations.

10.  The query didn’t evoke the right emotional response. According to literary agent Janet Reid, “If you tell me this book is a comedy, and the query letter isn’t funny or amusing, there’s a problem. A big one.”  Similarly, a horror query should make us anxious about whether the characters survive, an action query should make us want to see the hero beat up the bad guys, a romance query should make us care whether the characters get together, etc.  Show us how easily you can move the reader.

11.  Your query made it hard to understand character motivations and/or why things happened. In particular, why do the main characters respond like they do to the inciting event (the event that takes them out of their comfort zone at the beginning of the book)? What are they trying to accomplish?

12.  The query used rhetorical questions. “Will John survive the creature in the closet?”  This may well be the 50th manuscript the editor has unceremoniously tossed evaluated today.  I’d recommend against rhetorical questions because they’re cheesy and there’s no way to know how a cynical, frazzled editor or agent will answer.  If you start a query with something like “Will John survive the creature in the closet?”, my immediate response will probably be “What the hell is going on?” or “Why do you assume that I care about about John’s survival?” Also, some editors find rhetorical questions patronizing.  I’m especially bothered by rhetorical questions that remind me how little I know about what’s happening.

13.  The submission package was missing something. For example, if a novel publisher requires three chapters along with your query, did you include them?  If the comic book publisher requires sample art pages (like most do, besides Dark Horse), did you include them?  If you’ve forgotten something, you’ll probably be insta-rejected.  DO NOT SUBMIT TO A PUBLISHER WITHOUT DOUBLE-CHECKING THE SUBMISSION GUIDELINES FIRST.

14.  The query letter was written in the voice of a character. Query/submission letters are professional documents that have to convince an editor or agent that you’re a promising business partner.  I’m glad that you’re confident in the voice of the character, but this is probably not the best way to sell that.

• It’s hard to take a business proposal from a fictional character seriously.
• Your character can’t talk about out-of-story details as smoothly as you can. Some examples include the word-count, your bio (if applicable), the target audience, etc.
• It’s hard for your character to establish a working relationship between the author and publisher as well as the author can.
• There may be plot points that the character doesn’t actually know about.
• Is the character reliable? The editor can’t be sure.

If the voice is stylish, you can convey that by using language from the story.  “Now, the accountant’s only hope for survival is Agent Orange, a mutant alligator that is probably human-safe.  (Tests are inconclusive).”

15. Your typesetting looked unprofessional. Your query letters and script/manuscript are professional documents. They should look like it.

• Please use black letters on a white (or slightly off-white) page. Black letters on a white background make for a more pleasant reading experience.
• Please double-space the manuscript/script.  A double-spaced manuscript is easier to read, which helps keep editors and agents attentive and cheerful.  With queries and submission letters, I don’t think it matters much whether it’s single-spaced or double-spaced.  Do keep it to one page, though.
• Please use Size 12 text.
• Please use a standard business font, like Times New Roman, Tahoma, Verdana, Georgia, Palatino, Franklin Gothic, Book Antiqua, Bookman Old Style, or maybe Courier New.  Comic book writers, you too should use a standard business font for your submission pages and scripts, too, but definitely use something more daring when you actually letter pages.

16.  “Everybody I know agrees that this book is awesome!” References don’t help at all.  In particular, editors do not care what your friends and family think, because they’re probably too close to you to give very honest feedback and (unless they are experienced publishing professionals) probably wouldn’t know all that much about the publishing industry, anyway.  Even an (alleged) endorsement from a major publishing figure (like Steven King or Stan Lee) wouldn’t help a query. If Stan Lee actually is excited about your work, please ask him to refer you to somebody that would be qualified to handle the project.  I have no idea whether Stan Lee actually endorsed you (or what the context was), and I can’t verify either.  However, do mention if you’ve won a major writing award, one the editors will have heard of.  That can be easily verified.

Here’s an excerpt.

Be as specific as possible about the plot.

I get so many queries that read (literally, though this is made up for the purposes of this post) like this:

Character Name is living peacefully in Hometown. But then a life-changing event occurs that changes everything. Secrets are revealed that turn her life upside down. Character Name faces grave danger as she embarks on a quest to save her people. This novel is filled with humor and passion and suspense and romance, and there’s a shocking twist that leaves the reader breathless.

Being vague leaves an agent with so many questions: What are the secrets? What is the life-changing event? What is the danger she’s facing? What happens that is funny and suspenseful and romantic?

When all of these key details are kept hidden the query ends up sounding like… well, pretty much every novel ever written. And chances are an agent is going to move on to the next query.

1.  What goes with the query? A novel’s query is usually accompanied by a partial manuscript (~50 pages) and/or a 2-5 page synopsis.  If you’re writing a comic book, you’ll probably send in a cover letter– a page accompanied by some combination of the synopsis, the full script of the first issue and art samples. (Follow the submissions guidelines, obviously).  Cover letters are very similar to queries, so I’ll refer to both as queries for simplicity’s sake.

2. Your main goal is to show that your story is strong and interesting. Do NOT give them opinions like “my book is interesting!” or “everybody I know loves it!” Give them the evidence so that they will conclude the book is interesting. “I’m writing an interesting novel about a detective solving a murder case” is weak. “I’m writing about a poisoned detective that has two days to solve his own murder” is much more gripping. Likewise, if you’re writing a comedy, you need to prove yourself by making them laugh. According to literary agent Janet Reid, “if you tell me your book is a comedy, and the query letter isn’t funny or amusing, you have a big problem.”

3. Most queries include the following: an introductory paragraph/hook, a body paragraph summarizing the work in a clear and interesting way, 1-3 sentences about your writing qualifications, and contact information. Don’t worry too much about your writing qualifications. It’d be nice if you had them, but it’s not a deal-breaker for fiction writers.

4. Your novel manuscript has to be completed before you can submit it to publishers. Hardly any publishers or agents will consider an incomplete manuscript by a first-time novelist.  Finishing a novel on time is so hard that publishers won’t assume you can do it unless you have before.  In contrast, some comic book publishers consider proposals in progress. For example, Dark Horse only requires a series synopsis and the first eight pages of the first issue. Even so, I’d recommend finishing your first issue’s script before submitting to avoid deadline problems.

5. The novel submissions process is REALLY long. According to AgentQuery, agents usually take 1-2 weeks to respond to a query letter, 1-2 months to respond to a partial manuscript, and 2-4 months to respond to the full manuscript. Comic book submissions are usually somewhat faster, perhaps 2-3 months.

6. When you’ve finished your novel manuscript, you may wish to send it to literary agents rather than directly to publishers. Agents negotiate with publishers in exchange for around 15% of your earnings. According to Tobias Buckell’s survey, the typical first-time novelist earned $5500 if he had an agent and $4000 otherwise.  If you’re good enough to get an agent, she will probably pay for herself.   (Exception: comic book writers rarely use agents, but some do).

7. For more advice on writing queries, please read Query Shark, The Rejectionist and Evil Editor regularly. Whether you’re a novelist or comic book writer, you’ll learn a lot about how to present your work in a concise and stylish way.  We also have many articles in our “Writing a Query” category.  Finally, if you’re a novelist looking for agents to query, I highly recommend AgentQuery.

8. Tell your publisher how long the work is. Novelists, please provide a word count– NOT A PAGE COUNT. Page counts fluctuate based on typesetting, so they don’t say much about how long a novel is. Comic book writers, please provide just the page count.  Most of the words in a comic script are panel descriptions that won’t actually get printed, so the word count doesn’t say much about how long a comic is.  Also, please say how many issues you’re planning.

9. You’re introducing yourself to a time-strapped professional, so be polite and concise. For more advice on communicating with publishing professionals, please see this article.

10. Proofread or perish. More than one typo in a page-long query letter? You’re dead on arrival.  You want your writing to say “I’m a well-polished professional,” not “My editor will have a stroke.”

11. Almost every publisher provides submission guidelines laying out what they’d like to see. Follow the guidelines! Remember, 99.9% of submissions get rejected at major publishers, so don’t be stupid.

Dear [EDITOR NAME],

It’s been a normal day for IRS Agent Gary Smith, besides the car-bomb.  And the US Marshals threatening to send him on a one-way trip to Alaska.  And the revelation that everybody he knows has a pretty good motive to murder him (even besides the fact that he’s an IRS agent).  His only chance of surviving with his sanity intact rests on joining a top-secret spy agency and partnering with a mutant alligator whose powers of deduction make Scooby Doo look like Batman.

Superhero Nation is a wacky mix of an office comedy and national security thriller.  I’ve enclosed the script for the first issue, five colored and lettered sample pages, and the synopsis for the five issue arc.

My main writing qualifications are that I’m a communications contractor for [AGENCY NAME] and the webmaster for a superhero writing advice website with hundreds of thousands of readers.

Thank you for your time and consideration.  I can be reached at [PHONE] or [EMAIL].

Yours,

[NAME]

“After years as a slush reader in various aspects of the industry, I am quick to recognize and dispatch; I can often tell within the first sentence if a query will be any good, and I am now so ruthlessly efficient that I can blow through an inbox of 50 e-mails in half an hour, sometimes rejecting submissions within moments of their arrival…

…

Rendered in a labyrinthine and frequently unintelligible grammar, the truly awful query is often notable for its length, its torrid verbosity, and the mechanical specificity of its sex scenes, which tend to read like appliance-repair manuals in their exhaustive and emotionless depictions of moving parts. The bad query’s sentence sometimes resembles a battlefield wherein subjects hack it out desperately with adjectives, perennially besieged by legions of unwieldy adverbs. Apostrophes go on suicide missions and commas appear at random. Formatting tends to be interpretive; it is not uncommon to find e-mails that are 50 pages long, are bright pink, contain pictures of the author on vacation, or are written in Papyrus.”

I think that every prospective author should know about the process through which his work will be evaluated, whether he’s writing about superheroes or space slugs.  However, please don’t let exotic failure stories and the generally unforgiving nature of the business scare you away.  Here are a few brief rules of thumb to keep your query letter on track.

1. You are writing a business letter to a skeptical, time-strapped professional.  For more thoughts about communicating with them, see this.

2. Your goal is to convince him or her that your book is awesome enough to sell thousands of copies.

3. They’ve heard every possible variation of “I’ve just written an awesome book” and rejected at least 99% of them. Telling them your book is awesome is not good enough.  You need THEM to decide the book sounds awesome.  Show, don’t tell.  Lay out your plot in a way that they want to keep reading.  “John Lee is a detective investigating a murder” sounds cliche and boring. “John Lee is a poisoned detective that has two days to solve his own murder” sounds a lot more interesting.  Give enough information to intrigue them.

4. Different publishers have different tastes.  Make sure you submit to publishers that are well-suited to your manuscript.

I’m getting impatient with writers who can’t seem to tell me what their book is about. I get lists of characters, descriptions of setting and events, but nothing about choices/conflict/decisions. 

I started at 10 pm with 68 queries. 

• Query letter missing too much plot: 21
• Not enticing: 12
• Nothing fresh or original: 8
• Not right for me but someone else will snag happily: 6
• Writer clearly uninformed about genre or category s/he intends to write in: 3.  (B. Mac adds: a common mistake here is using the phrase “fiction novel.”  Novels are ALWAYS fiction, so “fiction novel” makes the author sound uninformed). 
• No platform (non-fiction queries only): 2.  (A platform is a tool used to market a book or author.  For example, this website.  They’re only required for nonfiction authors). 
• Just plain old bad writing: 4
• I don’t think I can sell books in this category: 4
• Overwritten (probably should be included in bad writing): 1
• Unable to suspend disbelief (also bad writing): 1
• Writer is a crackpot: 2.  (Dammit!  I wish I had known that this was a disqualifier before I started writing). 
• Topics I really loathe: 2
• Queries set aside to read more closely: 2

A parting thought for you:  decisions and conflicts are the intersection of character and plot.  Don’t neglect them!

1.  The only goal of your submission is to convince a publishing professional that your novel or comic book is likely to sell thousands of copies. Nothing else matters.

2.  Follow the instructions on their website. Most agents and publishers will have submissions pages that lay out what they want to see.  In most cases, it’s best to provide just what’s on the list and nothing else.  (Exception: if you’re submitting a comic book script, consider submitting some inked or colored pages even if they aren’t required– these pages will help the editor decide very quickly whether your proposal is serious).

3.  Check your spelling, punctuation and grammar. Trying to impress a publishing professional without clean writing is like trying to run a filthy restaurant.  It really doesn’t matter how good the cooking is–customers will run out screaming anyway.  Proofread or perish.  Not many publishing professionals would bet tens of thousands of dollars on an unpolished writer.

4.  A first-time novelist MUST finish the manuscript before submitting it for publication. An experienced author can pitch a concept, but an unpublished novelist can’t.  Don’t bother trying to write to publishers or agents until your manuscript and synopsis are ready.  Comic book writers, you probably need the script and series synopsis for the first issue finished before you can submit.  Each publisher has different requirements, though, so check first.  For example, Image requires illustrated sample pages but no scripts.  In contrast, Dark Horse requires only the first eight pages scripted for a series and a synopsis, but no art.

5.  This is a business proposal, so be as specific about your target audience as possible. What is the age of your ideal reader?  Gender?  Are there any other significant demographic traits?  (Note: comic book writers, be aware that most comic book buyers are males between 15-30 years old– publishers may be leery about working with significantly different demographics).  Many authors are leery about giving themselves a target audience because they feel like it’ll limit the appeal.  “If I say my novel’s audience is guys between 8 and 13, what if it turns out that high school girls also want to read it?”  Don’t worry about it.  Stating your target audience is primarily important so that the publisher/agent can evaluate whether you have a realistic idea of who your main audience is.  This is what Image Comics says about target audiences:  “Tell us who the target audience is (‘Everyone’ is NOT realistic — there’s no single book on the market today that everybody buys).”  The same goes for novels as well–perhaps two novels out of a million have an almost universal appeal, like Harry Potter.  If an author just seems to assume that his book is one of them, he will probably seem clueless.

6.  When you’re describing your story, focus on what matters…

• Interesting traits about main characters (like personality and important background details)
• Goals of main character(s)
• Critical choices of main character(s)
• Obstacles/antagonists
• Character development arc(s)– how do the main characters change over the course of the book or series?

7.  …and DON’T focus on inconsequential details.

• Minor demographic traits (typically height, weight, eye color and hair color, etc).
• Side-characters.  As much as possible, focus on the mains.  If the sides are more interesting than the mains, you have a problem.
• Unnecessary world-building details.  If your fantasy world has six castes, please don’t tell us what all six are.  Focus on what we need to understand the thrust of the story (perhaps just the caste of the main character and the villain?).
• Superpowers.  They’re not nearly as interesting or important as the goal(s) the hero will use them to attain.  I wouldn’t recommend spending more than 1-2 sentences on a superhero’s powers.

8.  Please don’t bother telling them how much your friends/family love your writing. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t matter.  Publishing professionals are a lot more experienced in this field than your friends.  Otherwise you’d probably be submitting to your friends.

9.  Always behave professionally. Here are some common mistakes.

• Do not call editors or agents unless they have expressly asked you to.
• Most editors and agents will Google you before offering you a contract, so make sure that you’re representing yourself professionally online.  (For example, if an author repeatedly complains on a blog about how awful the publishing industry is or how inept a negative review is, that suggests the author may hard to work with).
• Please do not give your readers more information than they need to know.  In particular, please do not share your medical/psychiatric or criminal history with strangers unless it’s highly relevant to the project.  Double-fail: when writers erroneously suggest they have psychiatric or criminal issues.

Here are a few tips about how to write an extremely short synopsis.

1. It’s usually more effective to refer to characters by their profession and/or key traits rather than by name. Calling him a “neurotic detective” tells us more about the character than calling him Adrian Monk. Unless the name adds something critical, I’d recommend leaving it out. (For example, if you’re writing about a real person, you obviously need to name him).

2. Don’t dilute your synopsis. If there are too many character traits or too many characters or too many conflicts, it will probably feel cluttered and distracted. As a rule of thumb, I’d recommend no more than 2 traits for a character, 3 characters and 2 conflicts. If you feel a strong need to bring in more characters (because you’re doing a book about a team of superheroes, for example), you can talk about the team collectively in the first sentence and spend the second sentence developing a few key members.

3. Boiling your book down to 1-2 sentences can be emotionally difficult. Sometimes it feels like you’re somehow admitting that the cut material isn’t good enough or whatever. Don’t look at this like you’re losing something (the details that aren’t important enough to make the two sentences). You’re gaining something: clarity and focus.  Ultimately, making the cuts will help your pitch.

4. If you’re having trouble cutting down material, try coming up with a synopsis for a stranger’s work. It’s usually easier to figure out the big picture when you’re not emotionally attached to every detail. After you’ve done that, bring the same mindset to work on your story. If a stranger had to describe your book in a sentence, what would he say?

5.  The most important elements of the synopsis are the protagonist, conflict/antagonist, and premise. Many first-time authors get tangled up by side-plots and side-characters that aren’t essential to understanding what’s going on.

6.  If we understand the conflict, we will probably understand the story. For example, if I told you I was writing a version of Aladdin where the main antagonist was Jasmine’s father instead of Jafar, you instantly know that the book is about Aladdin overcoming social obstacles to true love rather than a black-and-white villain. You’d also be able to surmise that the climax of my book is either the sultan allowing the two to be married or a tragic ending.

If you liked this article, I would recommend Sharpening Your Story with a Two-Sentence Synopsis and How to Write a Novel Synopsis.

That question usually sets off a rambling and unappealing description of the novel or comic book.  As part of your query, you need to describe your book in 1-2 sentences (I’d recommend 10-30 words).  New authors often have a great deal of trouble doing so– they’re so intimately familiar with all the details of their work that it’s hard to see what the big picture is.

As a writing exercise, I’d like you to boil down a lengthy work into 1-2 sentences.  That’s not easy.  It forces you to make tough decisions about what is absolutely essential to the core of your novel or comic book.  It also provides you an response when someone asks you what your book is about. Having a simple, elegant introduction available is crucial.

Here’s an easy way to write a two-sentence synopsis.

Step one:  Brainstorm the aspects of the plot that are most important to understanding the plot. In particular, write down a few ideas for each of the following categories you find important.

• Conflicts
• Key traits of main characters
• Background of the main character(s)–occupation, wealth, age, or anything else particularly relevant.
• Major character goals
• Anything notable about the premise or setting.
• Major changes of the protagonist(s)– how they grow over the course of the book.
• Crucial relationships

Step two:  Pick the most important item in each category.

Step three: Write a sentence that connects at least three of the items that you think are most important.  Here are some dry examples (don’t worry–we’ll make them more lively in the next step).

• An ordinary British boy (background) that discovers he is a wizard (premise) must avenge his parents’ death (goal/conflict) by studying at an extraordinary university (setting and possibly character change).
• Four mutant turtles (key traits/premise/background) must become ninjas (growth) to save New York City (goal/setting).
• Two unlikely cops, an accountant and a mutant alligator (background/traits/premise), must work together (relationship) to save the world (goal) from an unusual supervillain (conflict/premise).  –> This is the synopsis for Superhero Nation, by the way.
• A fearless archaeologist (traits/background) must reunite with his estranged father (relationship) to stop the Nazis from seizing a magical artifact  (conflict/setting/goal).

In some of these, I used more than one item from each category.  However, I’d recommend against carpet-bombing. For example, if you describe four character traits, you’ve probably diluted the character.  If you feel that you need that many traits, I would recommend thinking more about what is most important.

Step four:  Pump up the style. In particular, try to insert details from your book that show off your style and make you stand out.  For example, are there any vague words that can be shown with a detail?  For example, in my synopsis, I described the antagonist as an “unusual supervillain.”  Weak!  A more specific phrase, like “deranged cosmeticist,” is more interesting and tells us more about the story and its tone.

Step five:  Add a second sentence if you feel that the first one missed something essential to understanding the plot or you have particularly stylish details left.  If the first sentence is like the headline for the book, the second sentence is like the subheader.  As a rule, I would suggest focusing the second sentence on developing what came up in the first sentence rather than introducing details that relate more to subplots.

One miscellaneous note: it’s usually more effective to refer to characters by their profession or key traits rather than by name.  The names are usually distracting and don’t add much.  Would the Harry Potter synopsis have been any more interesting if it had begun with “Harry Potter, an ordinary British boy…”?  No.

If you liked this article, I’d also recommend More Tips on Writing a Two-Sentence Synopsis and Can You Pass the Soul Test?

• “You may not have meant it this way, but you managed to insult professional writers while talking down to teens.”
• “This is a bad query letter… Now you show a great facility with language in this letter. Obviously your writing ability is there; but you need to consider the subtext of what you are saying just a teensy bit when you read what you wrote.”
• “You might be a really nice person trying to sound confident and sell her/himself, but you came out sounding pompous.”
• “While you might be right that you are the perfect person to write this book, you’re alienating your reader. Think of it this way, most of the people who read your proposal are going to be 40 and 50-somethings.”
• “You come off as cheery and fun, bright and breezy in your style. That’s good.”
• “[If your advice is] going to be credible, [it's] got to come from someone with credentials to give advice. Which, in practice, usually means someone with a track record of success in their field – the longer the track record, the more credibility. And it takes time to develop that track record.  If you’ve not got the track record, you’re going to have to show us what you do have; putting other people down isn’t an acceptable substitute.”
• So my Q is this: How is writing advice for the teen set different from advice for the not-so-teen set? I could maybe see if you were pitching a career book, but it sounds like you may be pitching a nuts-and-bolts how-to book. (Hard to tell when you don’t really let us in on just what you’re pitching.) Is the difference in the way you present the content? Is it done in text-ese? Twitter-ese? What makes the content relevant? And if teens are going to be competing with the older generation for shelf space, why should the content be different? That’s your hook. That’s what you need to lead with.

If you’d like to see the review, please go here.  However, if you visit Evil Editor’s site, please DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DEFEND ME OR MY QUERY. The first rule of taking criticism professionally is that you shouldn’t get defensive.  Tough criticism is an opportunity for growth, not a personal affront.  Thanks!

Dear [Agent's Name],

I’d like to sell a fun and informative book about how to write superhero novels and comic books. Don’t Forget the Death-Ray! would be aimed at readers aged 13-18.

My main writing credential is that I run Superhero Nation, a writing advice website that has had 150,000 readers in the past two years. My superhero writing advice is credible and effective. In addition, I have three years of experience writing for college newspapers.

I am better-suited to reach teen readers than most of the authors currently writing in this field. Most of them are 40-something or 50-something comic book writers. They have experience that would be absolutely critical to older readers, but teen readers also value relatability. I believe that the success of my website is evidence of that. As a college senior myself, I relate to teens very easily. Additionally, the experience I have– winning a grant to write a superhero novel manuscript– is more relevant to young readers. I’m very familiar with the ground-level of the industry and how to succeed as a newcomer. In contrast, most competing authors broke into the industry twenty or thirty years ago.

Please let me know if you would like me to send a proposal. I can be reached at superheronation@gmail.com or [phone number] or [address].

Yours,

[Name]