1.  Is the story easy to read through? Will readers understand what is happening as they read through it for the first time?

2.  At the end of each chapter, does the audience want to keep reading? For example, perhaps you make an exciting revelation, leave a character in danger, leave a character on the verge of doing or learning something interesting, etc.

3.  Do the characters have high-stakes, urgent goals? If not, check the pacing.  When little is at stake, the plot tends to drag.

4. Does each paragraph develop a character or advance the plot? If not, rewrite or shorten or remove as necessary.  One common offender here is unnecessary dialogue, such as niceties.

5.  Does the plot challenge the protagonists? Is there doubt they will succeed?  If the plot is too easy, you could make the antagonists tougher, make side-characters less supportive of the protagonists, make the protagonists less powerful, etc.

6.  Do the characters’ decisions have consequences? If the character makes a mistake and nothing comes of it, it could probably be removed from the story.  (Why might nothing come of a mistake?  Perhaps a character that could hold the offender accountable lets it go too easily).

7.  Do the characters’ failures have consequences? For example, if the villain beats the heroes, don’t just let them go. Each failure should raise further obstacles.

8.  Are any of the conversations purely cooperative/friendly? If so, making the conversation more adversarial may make the story more interesting.  If a police officer interviews a hotel manager and gets nothing but helpful responses, it’s probably not too interesting.  Make the protagonist work for his information!  Maybe the manager wants to help, but he also has to worry about protecting his customers’ privacy.  Overcoming obstacles is usually more exciting and gripping than walking through unopposed.  Also, it gives your protagonist chances to impress readers.

9.  Do the characters have fitting motivations for their actions? If there is a discrepancy between how a character acts in this chapter and how he has previously been shown to act, is there an in-story explanation?

10.  Does an otherwise friendly character withhold important information from the point-of-view character? (I’m looking at you, Cryptic Mentors).  If so, is there a good in-story reason?

11.  Does the point-of-view (POV) character  ever withhold relevant information from the readers? If so, why?

12.  Do we learn something new and interesting about an important character? This isn’t necessary every chapter, but in general you should keep developing your most important characters.

13. Does each character contribute to each scene he’s in? If not, could you give him more a distinct role or cut him out?

14.  In dialogue, do the characters have distinct voices? Ideally, the characters sound sufficiently different that readers could generally tell who’s saying what even if you removed the dialogue tags.  If playing around with the voices is too hard, you could vary the character’s personalities or roles.

15.  Does your dialogue use nonverbals? Some examples include body language, scenery, props, environment/weather, narration, bystanders, the passage of time, etc.  Just because characters are talking doesn’t mean that the lines of the characters are the only bullets in your clip.

16.  Does the chapter, as much as possible, show and imply rather than tell? For example, instead of saying that John is the most popular guy in school, you could show him mobbed by friends and ladies at lunch or show people begging for him to sign their yearbooks or whatever. (Showing is usually more dramatic and unique).

17.  Is the plot coherent? Does it build on what has been happening for the last few chapters?  For example, if there are several POVs, is there ample overlap between each POV’s story?

18.  Info-dumping: does your story overuse dialogue and/or exposition to drown readers in exposition? This can usually be solved by showing more and telling less, and focusing on which background details are most important to understanding what is happening.

19.  Does the plot get bogged down in backstory? As with background information, I would recommend only giving us as much backstory as we need to understand what is happening in the here-and-now of the story.   If what is happening now is less important than what happened then, you’re telling the wrong story.

20.  Please proofread!

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If the characters can lose without anything bad happening to them, nothing’s at stake. Give your villain some chance of beating the hero once and for all, or there’s no point reading the story. If the closest your villain can come to victory is releasing the heroes with a stern warning, that’s just pathetic. That’s like curb-stomping any drama your story once had.

If you are absolutely sure that you want to release the heroes, please at least give the villain an adequate reason not to kill them or take them prisoner/hostage.  Here are some reasons that are NOT adequate.

• “Next time I won’t go so easy on you!”  Awful.  Don’t bother having a fight/confrontation unless something’s at stake.  Also, you and I both know that the heroes will beat the villain next time, so this is empty bluster. When the heroes lose, make sure that there are consequences. For example, in Star Wars, Luke lost a hand, Han got taken prisoner and Obi-Wan died after losing various fights.
• “You better join me next time, or else!”  Not too bright.  If the villain just defeated the heroes in combat, how useful could they possibly be to him?  Also, wouldn’t you rather have lieutenants that don’t have a history of trying to kill you?  Finally, if you really want to do this, please have the villain be more proactive than just letting the heroes walk away and think his offer over.  For example, have him poison a hero or take one hostage so that he can blackmail the others.
• The villain’s only goal was to show off or make a statement. “Now you know my true power!”  Ick.  Again, make sure there is actually something at stake.   If the loss has no consequences, readers won’t care.
• The villain is too nice and/or stupid to kill (or capture) the foes he has beaten in combat.   If so, he’s probably not much of an obstacle. Unless you’re writing a comedy of errors, please make your villain competent.  Beating a wuss isn’t very impressive!

Here are some reasons that might be sufficient.

• The villain advances a major goal by releasing the hero/heroes. For example, if the villain’s goal is to start an epidemic, infecting and releasing a hero makes sense. Or maybe the defeated hero is some other kind of Trojan horse.  A villain could bug a beaten sidekick with a tracking device in the hopes of hunting down the superhero.
• The hero is saved by a plan he sets in motion. It’d probably be undramatic if the hero were saved by backup bursting through the wall at just the right moment.  (Guardian angels!)  But you could give the hero some role in getting saved. For example, perhaps the hero knows he’s losing and has to survive until help can arrive.  Perhaps the act of calling for help is difficult and the hero has to figure out where he is before the cavalry can save him.  Don’t just make him a passive damsel in distress waiting around for a rescue.
• The villain has a compelling reason to take the character(s) prisoner/hostage instead of killing them. Even though imprisoning heroes (particularly superheroes) has rarely accomplished anything, it makes more sense than just letting them go.  At the very least, this gives the villain a bargaining chip to deal with any remaining heroes.

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–The protagonist(s) don’t have significant flaws.  (For more help on flaws, please see this and this).

–The names are goofy and/or wildly hard to pronounce. I’m looking at you, Anamamana’Qupy.  For more help, please see this.

–Characters act the way the author needs them to, not because they have a compelling motivation or logic. “Let’s split up to cover more ground!”  Please see #3 here.

–The main character(s) don’t make mistakes or face no consequences for them.  Guardian angels are a red flag here.

–The main characters don’t have setbacks. If the villain can’t beat the heroes once in a while, he will probably be pretty disappointing.  Also, if the villain defeats the heroes in combat, don’t just let them go.

–The main characters don’t have distinguishing traits.  If that’s a problem, please see this.

–The characters don’t have urgent goals.  Please see #3 here.

–The protagonist is hated by an antagonist for no discernible reason. Common offenders include teachers, bullies and adopted parents. If you go down this path, at least make them stylish. Thanks.

–The author focuses on visual details rather than establishing anything interesting about the character. In particular, eye color and hair color don’t say all that much about a character–I’d recommend focusing on these details instead.

–A main character shares a disability or rare illness with the author. If you want to write about yourself, write a memoir! You’ll probably go further that way. Otherwise, it’ll probably turn into a wish-fulfillment fantasy starring you.

–Too many characters (especially too many main characters). When I’m reading a synopsis, my eyes usually glaze over somewhere around the fourth or fifth protagonist. I’d much rather read about 1-2 protagonists that have been well-developed than a large cast of cliches.

Powers and Capabilities
–The main character(s) aren’t sufficiently challenged. Make them prove themselves.

–Overemphasis on capabilities (such as superpowers/magic/combat skills) over personality and distinguishing traits. If your character’s capabilities are really the most interesting thing about him, I would recommend going back to the drawing board.

–Too many superpowers in play.

–The superpowers and/or spells require too much explanation.  If you need more than two sentences to explain what the character can do, I’d recommend going back to the drawing board.

Plots and Plot Developments That Make Me Want to Cry
–Characters discover that they’re secretly related.

–That mysterious old person is actually a god!

–The mentor doesn’t tell his or her protege what the hell is going on. IT IS NOT AS COOL AS YOU THINK.  If you plan to go down this dangerous, dangerous road, please at least give the mentor some reason to make life harder for his protege.

–If the climax reveals that one of the characters is Jesus or Hitler, please go back to the drawing board. Note that this is not true for all famous people. If the climax reveals that one of the characters is actually the Pillsbury Doughboy, please send me the manuscript.  Hoo hoo!

–Idiot plots: a plot that only holds together because the characters act too stupid to live.  Covering your plot holes by coming up with satisfying motivations makes for a stronger story.

–In a tense moment, the characters are saved by discovering new powers. This is a red flag because it suggests that the author doesn’t know how to write the characters actually losing. If the story is just an string of victories for the protagonists, it probably isn’t very interesting. How do they deal with setbacks?

Voice
–The characters all sound alike. If your voicing is sufficient, you can probably cut out most of the “John said” and “Mary said” tags from a page of dialogue without confusing any readers. After all, if John and Mary sound distinct, readers don’t need the tags to know who is saying what.

–The character voices are inconsistent.

–The character voices don’t feel believable. (Particularly kids that sound way too old and well-educated).

–The accents are obnoxiously strong.

Dialogue
–The dialogue has niceties, filler and other lines that fail to develop a character or advance the plot.  Please see #2 here.

–”As you know, Bob.” This is when characters talk clumsily about stuff they already know to inform the readers.

–Characters that refer to each other by name pretty much every sentence. It’s annoying, Jim. Humans don’t talk like that, Jim.

Introduction
–DO NOT START WITH THE CHARACTER WAKING UP. NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO. Seriously, isn’t there SOMETHING more interesting the character could be doing than getting out of bed? If not, I would highly recommend going back to the drawing board.

–It’s not clear what’s going on. Don’t make your readers struggle to understand the story.

–There’s nothing to hook in readers on the first page. For example, one of the easiest ways to hook in readers is to introduce a likable character with an urgent, high-stakes goal.

–The narrator introduces himself in the first paragraph. “Hi, I’m X, but you can call me…” …unpublished, probably.

–The author throws around too many imaginary words.

–The beginning is disjointed from the rest of the plot. For example, we might be looking at a different main character, a different sort of writing style, a significant passage of time, etc.

–Slow-paced prologues are rarely appealing. If you include a prologue, I would recommend thinking long and hard about whether it’s really necessary.

–The first sentence uses a pronoun without an antecedent, particularly “it.” Try rewriting the sentence to either get rid of the pronoun or specify the antecedent–that will make it more clear to readers what the character is talking about.

–The book fails to introduce us to an interesting protagonist early on.

–The book fails to name the main character early.  There’s rarely a good reason to do so and it deprives the readers of the most natural way to mentally refer to the protagonist.

–Concealing the premise. “Eventually, the readers will discover that all of the characters are squirrels!” If your premise is actually good enough to read, making it clear to us can only help you. Hiding the premise suggests you are not confident.

Middle and End
–The plot loses steam.

–Random stuff starts happening. This usually means the author is trying to waste space.

–The main character hasn’t changed enough by the end.

–The book doesn’t resolve enough, usually because the author’s planning a sequel (the villain escapes, the hero hasn’t won the love interest yet, etc). Give us at least some intermediate victories.

–The author tries to pull off a twist ending but he hasn’t really thought it through.

Style & Mechanics
–Sloppy grammar, spelling, capitalization, etc. If you look like you will need intense proofreading work, your manuscript will probably get axed early. Editors would rather spend their time on substantive matters (like sharpening plots and stories) than on remedial proofreading.

–Too much telling, not enough showing.

–Characters say or narrate what they’re thinking rather than showing or suggesting it.

–The author relies too much on on narration/exposition to give information rather than actions and dialogue.

–The author overuses generic words like good, fine, well, alright, etc. Be specific! For example, if I said that Jamal was a “good” writer, that wouldn’t say nearly as much as calling him “hilarious” or “informative” or “concise.” Be specific!

Perspective
–A limited narrator describes something that he can’t or shouldn’t know. For example, he might slip into someone’s head.

–The point-of-view (POV) switches mid-chapter. This is highly risky– if you plan to do it, at least show the break with a line of asterisks.

–There are too many POVs. For your first novel, I’d recommend 1-2. Publishers will feel more comfortable letting you experiment if you have a history of success.

–IF THE POV KNOWS SOMETHING, THE READER IS ENTITLED TO KNOW IT, TOO.

Plotting and Pacing
–The plot isn’t urgent enough and/or the characters lack high-stakes goals. Depending on the story, a high-stake goal might be defusing the bomb before it explodes, sneaking off to prom without alerting Mom, getting a raise to avoid eviction, etc.

–A scene fails to advance the plot or develop a character. If it doesn’t do either, it can probably be removed or shortened. Eating scenes are a repeat offender. I blame Tolkien.

–Chapters that end with a whimper. Chapters should leave us with a reason to keep reading. Readers should feel like they’re on the verge of learning something interesting, or that something interesting is about to happen, or that someone is in peril. That’s especially important in the first few chapters.

–Don’t write your story assuming that readers will patiently wait for it to make sense at the end. If they don’t understand it as they’re reading, they’ll probably put it down.

–The chronology is hard to follow. Flashbacks, convoluted backstories and poorly-executed time travel are the worst offenders here.

Death by Publisher
–The author didn’t read the submission guidelines.

–The author failed to pick out publishers that liked handling his sort of story.

–The book feels too much like a second-rate clone of everything else on the market.  Differentiate your writing!

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According to Chuck Sambuchino, the most publisher-friendly length for an adult novel manuscript is between 80,000-100,000 words.  Science fiction and fantasy authors usually need a bit more space for worldbuilding, so he says the ideal range for them is between 100,000-115,000 words.  However, Chuck is sort of working for the Devil, so I’d feel bad if he were my only source for this post.

Colleen Lindsay, a literary agent at FinePrint, has similar guidelines: around 100K for epic fantasy or sci-fi, 80-90K for thrillers and 80-100K for crime fiction. Also, she’s not in league with Lucifer.

Both Chuck and Colleen emphasize that there are exceptions, like first-time novelists publishing 200,000 word behemoths.  But such exceptions are extremely rare. If you try going well above or below the usual range, your writing needs to be extraordinary. I would not recommend doing so unless you are absolutely sure that your story cannot work at a more conventional range.

UPDATE: If you’re writing for a younger audience (YA, middle grade, picture books, etc), please see this.

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Comic book writers, some publishers (like Image) ask that you include sample pages illustrated when you submit your proposal.  If you include sample pages, make sure the script includes those pages even though the editor can SEE those pages. First, this keeps the editor from getting totally confused if he misplaces the sample pages. Second, it allows the editor figure out what you’re trying to accomplish with the sample pages.  For example, let’s say the backgrounds and side-characters look very boring in a particular sample.  If the editor didn’t have the script in front of him, he’d probably conclude that the colorist wasn’t very good.  But if the script says something like “Make sure that his office and coworkers look as drab as possible so that we’ll cheer for him to get a new job,” then it makes sense that the sample pages would have some drabness. If the editor knows that the drabness is intentional, then it’s a sign of the colorist’s ability to set the mood, NOT incompetence. If the editor knows what you’re trying to accomplish, it’s easier to tell whether you’ve succeeded.

1.  Readers are usually less patient than writers. As a result, they tend to get aggravated when the author doesn’t give them enough information.  (Rule of thumb: the readers are entitled to anything relevant that the POV knows).  Many writers like being cryptic because they think that hiding the POV’s information from the reader will create intrigue.  Most readers do not like reading cryptic works.

2.  Readers start at page 1 and typically will put down the book as soon as they are dissatisfied. Ahem–they aren’t patient.  This means that the quality of the opening few pages is absolutely critical to readers. In contrast, writers often phone in the beginning because they want to get to the “meat” of the story or whatever.  THAT IS A MISTAKE.  Most readers will not plod along in the hopes that the story will get interesting or clear.  They will put down the book unless it is interesting and clear from page one.

3.  A novel-reader’s goal is usually entertainment. If your readers want to be entertained but you are focused on some other goal (such as enlightening them or changing their political/moral/religious beliefs), you have a huge problem.  If you want to get a mass-market novel published and have a goal besides entertainment in mind, I highly recommend making that goal secondary to entertainment unless you have a great reason to do otherwise.  For example, if you’re writing a really literary work aimed at older, philosophically-minded readers, it’s plausible that they’d be receptive to a novel that isn’t focused on entertainment– just keep in mind that such audiences are generally pretty rare.

4.  Readers are generally less likely to appreciate a new approach for its own sake. We authors want so badly to be original that we sometimes shoot ourselves in the foot.  For example, at least two novels have been written without the letter E.  That’s a gimmick that would probably distract readers rather than impress them.  In contrast, some unusual approaches are compelling because they open up many fresh story opportunities.  For example, writing a story about a supervillain protagonist would probably entice readers because we haven’t read 100 books in that vein.  When you try something new, like writing a team of 20 main superheroes or whatever, try evaluating whether it adds enough to the readers’ experience to justify the costs.

5.  Authors tend to like overstylized speech more than readers do. One sign that a character’s accent, dialect, speech impediment or voice may be too over-the-top is that the author feels the need to reference, explain or excuse it in-story.  (For example, a character might ridicule a particularly obnoxious accent.  If you really need to justify your stylistic choices to your readers, rather than let your style justify itself, readers will probably find it difficult or even painful to read through.  Be careful.

Hmm, what do you think? Have you ever felt like an author was writing something more for himself than for you?

Here’s what it says on the back-cover:

Seth, a college student, is accidentally exposed to an experiment that gives him incredible powers. When he and his friend, Chip, try to unravel its secrets, they discover a threat to the world unlike any other. And soon, Seth will find himself faced with one obstacle after another as he tries to live a normal life with the woman he lives and their daughter.

I’ve posted the first page below the jump.  If you’d like a writing exercise today, please rewrite the first two paragraphs of the chapter so that they’re interesting.

Okay, what do you think?  How would you have improved this book?

I have a few concerns about this book.  First, the description on the backcover is so bland that it could apply to pretty much any superhero story.  The first page isn’t bad, but it gets bogged down in demographic details almost immediately.  Additionally, the author tells us details that need to be shown (“Cross was expected by many to be a shining star in the field”).

But the main problem is that the first page is boring. How would you solve that?  My challenge for you is to rewrite the first two paragraphs so that they’re gripping.  Good luck!

Generally, a Scrappy is a character that is hated by readers, usually because he’s exaggeratedly inept in a way that is meant to be funny.  For example, instead of having a slight speech impediment, he’ll be Jar-Jar Binks.  Instead of being a bit younger than the other characters, he’ll be Scrappy Doo.  This character usually distracts from the more competent characters, often so much that he becomes a hate figure.

Here are some common misconceptions that lead authors to use Scrappies…

Misconception 1:  Having a young, cute character will give audiences a warm and fuzzy feeling.
First, over-cute characters are more likely to annoy or enrage readers than endear them.  Second, does a warm and fuzzy character actually fit into your work?  If your audience is above the age of 8 (particularly males), probably not. Finally, have you ever heard anyone complain that a work was insufficiently cute?

Misconception 2:  An exaggerated dialect will probably be funny and/or cute.
No.  It’s far more likely to create a Jar-Jar Binks.  Similarly, giving your character a style of speech designed to make him sound deliberately cute is often infuriating.  “Uncoo Fwed, I wuv you!”  Ick.  You don’t need to resort to mispellings to make a character sound really young.

Misconception 3:  “Adding a tagalong kid will help me broaden my audience base”.
That is actually true, particularly in cartoon shows, but don’t let him get so obnoxious that he infuriates older members of the audience.  Please see Jade from Jackie Chan Adventures for a fairly effective example of a kid tagalong.

1. Revolvers generally can’t be silenced.
2. When an automatic is out of bullets, it will be plainly visible to the user and anyone looking closely. (The firing mechanism locks back).
3. A sniper far from his target has to adjust for gravity, wind direction and velocity, pressure, etc., rather than putting his target’s head in the scope and calling it a day. Also, head-shots at long distance are highly unreliable.
4. Don’t use the word “cordite.” It’s badly dated.
5. If characters want to go gangsta and hold their guns sideways, that’s fine but it’s not a natural posture. Your hand can adjust for vertical recoil more easily than horizontal recoil. (Also, twisting the wrist to hold the gun out sideways is not comfortable).
6. Looking at a gunshot victim, it’s difficult to determine the calibre of the bullets used to shoot him.

I’ll add a few tips for aspiring Tom Clancys.

1) Only amateurs try to shoot two guns at the same time. The recoil would be atrocious. This is a horrible mistake that suggests that the author’s knowledge has come from video games and Akimbo movies. Holding two pistols and exhausting one before using the other is acceptable, though.

2) Generally, authors overestimate the effectiveness of silencers. High powered rifles, particularly sniper rifles, are just too loud to silence.

3) Most guns are not limited to six bullets. Semiautomatic pistols are the most popular type of gun, and they typically hold 8-10 bullets. However, high-capacity magazines can carry up to 30.

4) Counting the enemy’s bullets is stupid. When someone is firing at you, it would be suicidal to risk your life betting on your ability to guess how large his magazine is, how many rounds it held when he started firing, how many bullets he has fired at you, whether he has a loaded sidearm, etc.

5) Full-auto is not very professional. It forces the user to reload far too quickly and is wildly inaccurate. Also, under many circumstances a wild spray of bullets could endanger bystanders and friendlies.

6) Getting shot will not move a person’s body much. It’s not realistic for gunshots to send someone sprawling backwards. Bullets are too small to have much momentum. As a rule of thumb, the force of impact for the victim will be very similar to the recoil for the shooter.

7) Guns are really expensive in most developed countries. A handgun will set you back at least several hundred dollars in the United States.

It’s hard to fire accurately when you’re moving a lot. If your character is chasing after someone, in a moving car, climbing, running, or dodging fire, etc. he is probably going to miss a lot.