But you would be mistaken. Centrifuge, man: this guy’s got class, style… that certain je ne sais quoi that makes him the perfect dark horse for your super-group. His body’s center of gravity shifts wildly when he’s under stress, like the beads in one of those South American rainsticks, making the guy FLIP OUT, like a Topsy-Turvy Titan.

Now that is a freakin’ subtitle. Market analysis my balls.

“But Joel,” you say, “He didn’t even win the battle. Deacon Struck got away.”

“You, sir,” I retort, “are a dildo.”

The comedy is rather effective

• Captain Freedom really comes alive as a bad writer. “…I write, and when I say write [my memoir], I mean that I narrate to the ghostwriter, who then shows me a typed draft of my half hour of excruciating work. I don’t understand how full-time writers do it. It must be all that drinking.”  Haha.
• “I frequently argue with my ghostwriter, who believes his glorified stenography gives him some say in the creative process. He suggests we write the memoir in the past tense, but I won’t have it. The present tense is the tense of action, the tense of decisiveness. It’s really the tense of the future.”
• “[My mentor] has no preternatural abilities of his own, but he employs an amazing array of banned weapons to combat evil, including a copy of the Constitution housed within a steel tube. It reminds Villains that the rules of law and brute force are on his side.”  Hehe.
• “I have no time for this.  I launch into an elaborate Plea.  The Plea is a trick they teach all Superheroes.  If you need a favor, something that’s illegal, outside protocol, or too complicated to explain, you can use the Plea.  It’s a basic form of mind control. You don’t even have to make any sense while you’re doing it, as long as you keep an earnest expression and end with ‘You’re the only one I can trust right now’ or ‘Your country needs you.’”  I’m going to have to use something like that on Agent Orange now.
• “[The guard]… looks embarrassed that he has to torture me.  ‘Do you have the blue jeans?’ I am perplexed.  ‘The American blue jeans. We love them here.’  ‘Not with me, but I can get them.’  ‘Fine, I let you go.’  We shake hands and I agree to supply his canton with blue jeans. Little does he know I’ll be buying them at Odd Lots.”
• “‘Do you want us to sign a non-disclosure agreement? We could do that.’  He strokes his poorly groomed jet-black beard.  ‘No. I believe we will kill you.’  Finally, this caper is getting somewhere.”
• I liked the comic book commentary.  “Before long I receive a summons from the Comics Code Authority, an independent entity whose job is to make sure that all comic book Heroes follow certain standards. They cannot act too violently or be depicted using drugs or having any sort of meaningful relationships. The CCA makes Iraniah mullahs seem as hip as an East Village art rock band.”
• “I have no time for this.  I launch into an elaborate Plea.  The Plea is a trick they teach all Superheroes.  If you need a favor, something that’s illegal, outside protocol, or too complicated to explain, you can use the Plea.  It’s a basic form of mind control. You don’t even have to make any sense while you’re doing it, as long as you keep an earnest expression and end with ‘You’re the only one I can trust right now’ or ‘Your country needs you.’”  Haha.  I’m going to have to make a TV Tropes page about superhero pleas now. 

The writing was occasionally awkward

• The book capitalized all ~120 uses of Superhero, Superheroes, and Supervillain.   It was highly annoying.
• The exposition was occasionally clunky.  The first fight spent 75 words discussing the villain’s backstory.  If you spend that much time, at least make it interesting.
• Some of the comedy would have been stronger if the character couldn’t have walked away.  For example, Captain Freedom took a call from a credit card company during a fight for no reason.  It probably would have been funnier if he had had a reason to stay on the line.  (For example, he gets captured by a supervillain and his phone won’t make outgoing calls from the cell.  THEN a call from the credit card company would have a lot more potential).
• Most of the story is told as backstory (him reminiscing about his own life).  I think it would make the story more interesting and easier to follow if it were describing the events as they happened.
• I sometimes had trouble keeping apart characters’ lines.  I think it would have helped if Captain Freedom’s dialogue was as distinct as his exposition.
• Captain Freedom is sometimes too self-aware about his own stupidity.  “[My mentor] has spent most of his career fighting the Soviets, which I surmise to be a syndicate of Eastern European baddies in parkas.”  I think it’d be more natural to replace “which I surmise to be” with something more conversational like “which sounds like.”

The plot had a LOT of continuity errors and inconsistencies

• He flies up to his office.  Roughly a page later, an antagonist reveals that the hero was secretly fed soy (his Kryptonite) that morning.  The hero tells us, “I try to use one of my secret powers. But I won’t be able to use any of them for the next seventy-two hours.”  Umm, except for flying to the office?
• “[Chief Justice]  is the result of a super-secret military experiment determined to make the perfect soldier. The experiment failed when they realized that the perfect soldier is one who wouldn’t fight in the first place, but the Chief retains much of the discipline and skill one would expect. His capture rates are quite high…”  Several pages later: “Among certain Chief Justice fans, there is a betting pool that wagers how long it’ll be before I’m killed off. The Chief’s brand of justice is rough, and the vendettas against him have cost several sidekicks over the years.”  This doesn’t feel consistent.  Is he a reluctant soldier that’s unusually good at capturing people or a brutal guy that wields the Constitution in a metal tube?
• “People think I’m ferocious, but really I’m just like Ferdinand the Bull.  I don’t love fighting, and I’d rather spend my days smelling pretty flowers than cracking skulls.”  ~150 pages later: “‘If you don’t mind, this is a family affair, and I’d like to resolve it with my own brand of unique and hyperviolent justice.”
• “[My mentor] has spent most of his career fighting the Soviets, which I surmise to be a syndicate of Eastern European baddies in parkas.”  Considerably later, at Home Depot: “My enemy’s [French] accent is filled with that combination of malice and menace that could only come from the nation that brought us existentialism and the guillotine.”  Haha!  Does this sound like the same guy that didn’t know who the Soviets were, though?
• “A person you can tell your whole story to and not worry about it being leaked to the press.”  “Like a priest or minister?”   It seems a bit strange that a Jewish character would mention priests and ministers but not rabbis.

Suggested solution: Read through the book and keep track of each trait portrayed for each character.  If you have a character say he’d rather smell pretty flowers than crack skulls, but later refer to his justice as hyperviolent, stop and ask yourself if there is a good reason for the apparent discrepancy.

Character traits came out of nowhere

• 3,000 words in, Captain Freedom says he regrets not becoming a paleontologist.  It doesn’t seem to fit the character.  Explaining the apparent discrepancy might make this feel more believable.  I think this would have been a better opportunity to mention that he regrets not becoming a fashion designer or something.  (His love of fashion is important later on but pretty much 100% missing from the first half of the book).   The paleontology gets mentioned perhaps three times throughout the book and didn’t contribute much besides random comedy.
• Captain Freedom becomes a drug addict 51% through the book.  I think the first half only mentioned his drug use twice.
• I think Captain Freedom first mentions his penchant for fashion 55% through the book.  “It’s been known for some time that I’ve coveted a particular position: the Vice President for Costume Design.  It’s a perfect fit, since I have experience in the field and an acute sense of fashion.”  He doesn’t do much in the first half of the book that makes him sound like he cares about clothes. For example, he doesn’t spend much time talking about what people are wearing.

Suggested solution: Introduce important traits gradually or give a reason they crop up suddenly.

There was no central plot, just random subplots that came and went

• To the extent the character has a main goal, it’s getting an archrival.  Even though he says it’s important, I don’t think it ever becomes clear why it is important.
• A romance angle crops up and disappears just as quickly.  Several pages after meeting the woman, they get engaged, call it off and she never shows up again.  Since it doesn’t go anywhere, I would recommend cutting it.
• There’s a subplot about a sidekick that’s based on Clippy the Microsoft Word Office Assistant.  “My new sidekick is an animated paperclip with legs. His name is Whizbang. ‘But you can call me Whizzy!’ I do not.”  To be fair, the chapter is funny and effectively creates a contrast between the sidekick Freedom didn’t want and the one he did.
• They make a movie about him.
• He becomes a fashionista.
• There’s an attempt at what I think is a parody of the Da Vinci Code.  “By some strange flip of the genetic coin, I have been identified as the lost heir of the Hair Club.  I attend meetings at undisclosed locations: abandoned restaurants, unsightly national parks, the Hockey Hall of Fame.”
• He becomes governor of California.
• He releases his father from the Area 51 nightclub/prison.  His dad disappears from the story after about a chapter.  I did like this line, though: “”It was quickly revealed that aliens love to party, and the best way to recoup revenue for the useless space program was running a nightclub.”
• He joins Homeland Security.

Suggested solution: I’d recommend focusing on 1-2 main goals and tie almost everything else into that quest.  Also, there should not be any question about why the main quest matters.  I don’t feel the quest for an archnemesis held the book together well.

*Unless the elephants know something we don’t.

• “Head Cases blasts through the blogosphere to expose the secret longings of a Lonely Superhero Wife.”
• “The Non-Event removes the gag order on a super-thief named Lockjaw and pries out a confession of life-altering events.”
• “Vacuum Lad unveils the secret origins of the first true child of the space age—and disproves the theory that nothing exists in a vacuum.”
• “A to Z in the Ultimate Big Company Superhero Universe (Villains Too) presents a fully-realized vision of a universe where epic feats and tragic flaws have transformed the human race.”

(By the way, when you write summaries of your stories, don’t use these for inspiration.  Besides Head Cases, they’re pretty awful).

Here’s what it says on the back-cover:

Seth, a college student, is accidentally exposed to an experiment that gives him incredible powers. When he and his friend, Chip, try to unravel its secrets, they discover a threat to the world unlike any other. And soon, Seth will find himself faced with one obstacle after another as he tries to live a normal life with the woman he lives and their daughter.

I’ve posted the first page below the jump.  If you’d like a writing exercise today, please rewrite the first two paragraphs of the chapter so that they’re interesting.

Okay, what do you think?  How would you have improved this book?

I have a few concerns about this book.  First, the description on the backcover is so bland that it could apply to pretty much any superhero story.  The first page isn’t bad, but it gets bogged down in demographic details almost immediately.  Additionally, the author tells us details that need to be shown (“Cross was expected by many to be a shining star in the field”).

But the main problem is that the first page is boring. How would you solve that?  My challenge for you is to rewrite the first two paragraphs so that they’re gripping.  Good luck!

Writing

1. The writers rely too much on exposition (especially narration but sometimes dialogue) to tell the story.
2. The heroes are so powerful it’s hard to challenge them.  If your heroes can only be challenged by a supervillain or a team of supervillains, it will make it harder for you to write fight scenes.
3. The cast is too large.  If you’re writing a new series, don’t use more than 5 heroes.  We won’t be able to remember them and you won’t have time to develop them at all.
4. The story does not establish in the first three pages that the character is interesting.  The easiest way to do this is to show a likable character facing a serious problem.  It doesn’t have to be life-and-death danger, but it helps.
5. The premise/world are not consistent.  If your story starts out as sci-fi but later introduces magic, it’ll probably feel disorienting.  For example, it feels really tacky when Spiderman fights a magical character.
6. The story rewinds, undoing something significant that happens.  (IE: Someone coming back from the grave).
7. Heavy flashbacking.
8. The characters don’t get enough opportunities to mix things up.  If the hero solves all of his problems in the same way, it will probably get tedious.  For example, if your character is a hard-boiled tank, occasionally place him in a situation where he has to solve his problem peacefully.  Separate Tony Stark from his powersuit for a scene, etc.
9. The characters lack any distinguishing traits.
10. The characters’ traits are inconsistent.
11. The world has an inconsistent level of weirdness.
12. Characters that aren’t fresh enough.
13. Poor power selection (particularly time travel, telekinesis, resurrection, mind-reading and prophecy)
14. Political propaganda in an otherwise nonpolitical comic.
15. Lack of a clear target audience.
16. The plot lacks urgency.  A character walking from his door to his house is not very interesting.  Running to his car to make it to work on time is better.  Running to his car to avoid bulletfire?  Even better.
17. Padded pages where nothing much happens.
18. Names that end in Boy, Man, Lad, Girl, Woman, etc. or use a military rank are very outdated.  Unless you’re going for comedic effect, I’d recommend leaving these to the Golden Age.
19. Make sure that the names work well for conversation.  If your character’s name is something like the Dark Sorcerer, what will you do if/when somebody needs to name him in conversation?  “Hey, Sorcerer, give me a hand” sounds awkward.  Marvel got around this with Dr. Strange by making Dr. Strange the name and “the Sorcerer Supreme” just the title.
20. The story spells out something that should be obvious from the graphics.  “Agent Orange is a reptile.”  Ya think?
21. The dialogue tells us something that should be shown in a visual.  “I am angry!”
22. The characters have powers that are too complex or require too much introduction.
23. The characters (or perhaps the plot) are too close to existing heroes.
24. The series title should sound flavorful and interesting to prospective readers.
25. Characters that are stone-silent are hard to characterize.
26. Overreliance on thought bubbles instead of dialogue or ideally art (actions, body language, expression, etc).
27. Chosen One heroes.  If possible, make your hero work for what he has rather than just be born super.
28. Try to avoid using more than 175 words on a page.  That includes dialogue, narration, thought bubbles, etc.
29. By the end of the first issue, something major needs to have happened to the superhero.  If he hasn’t gotten his superpowers and had at least one super action sequence, the story is probably paced too slowly.

Art

1. Wasted splashes.
2. Cheesecake (grossly oversexing women characters).
3. Visuals that don’t tell a story.
4. Characters that lack a visual theme.  (What impression are we supposed to get about the character?)
5. Bland angles.  (The characters should almost never be looking directly at the camera.)
6. Forgettable poses.  Don’t have the character just sit down in a chair, have him fold a leg over the armrest.
7. Excessively ornate costumes.
8. Mismatched costumes.  If your comic is aimed at older readers, it probably shouldn’t have capes and bright, gaudy colors.
9. Awful anatomy.  OK, it’s “stylized” but after a point the style is probably going to feel hard on the eyes.  As a rule of thumb, if you want to stylize the anatomy, I’d recommend altering the proportions of a human body by no more than 33%.  Anything more than that is likely to look painful.
10. Cluttered shots, particularly on the cover.
11. Expressions and poses in a dialogue that don’t fit what the characters are saying.  The writer really needs to coordinate this with his artist.
12. Please don’t make characters ludicrously muscular.  It doesn’t actually look attractive.  For example, if your character is twice as muscular as a Navy SEAL, he’s probably going to look like he’s overdosing on steroids.
13. Scenes that lack a setting.  Give us enough to know where we are.
14. Try to avoid using more than 8 panels on a page or 3 panels on a row.  It has been done well before, but only rarely.

Lettering & Bubbles

1. Bubbles that are too small.  See this article for more details.
2. Crappy font selection (Comic Sans, Time New Roman and Arial, especially).  Comic Sans is so bad that it gives editors nightmares.  If you use Comic Sans, please slap yourself in the face and randomly select a new font.  It’ll be better.  
3. An illegible font
4. Changing fonts too often.  Don’t give a character his own font unless his voice sounds really different (Tony Stark vs. Ironman or Thor vs. everybody else).
5. A logo that’s insufficiently stylish/legible
6. Inconsistent default font & size.  Readers are perceptive and will notice that the text does not look the same from one page to the next.   Don’t change fonts or the font-size unless you have a good reason to.  (The characters are whispering or otherwise speaking unusually, or one character has such a different voice that he needs his own font, etc).
7. Don’t use quotation marks in speech bubbles.
8. When you’re bubbling, try to avoid having bubbles that are too long and narrow.  For example, if your sentence has ten words in it, it would probably look much better to put a linebreak so it’s two lines of around five words each.

Agent White, junior recruiter: Mr. Smith, I have no doubt that you are an excellent IRS auditor, but I’d like to know more about how an accountant might be qualified for this agency. What about killing. Have you done any of that?

Gary Smith: No, sir.

Agent White: Have you ever seen someone die brutally? A de-limbing, perhaps?

Gary Smith: No, sir.

Agent White: I see. You seem like an excellent fit… for the IRS. I’m going to do you a favor and ask that you leave now. You would break in ten minutes here and you probably wouldn’t even be the first.

Gary Smith: …

Gary Smith: Is that a request or an order?

Agent White: …

Agent White hits his intercom button.

Agent White: Agent Orange, could you step inside, please?

Agent Orange, a hulking mutated alligator, enters the room.

Agent Orange: Greetings, mammals! Mammal-White, Mammal-Smith.

Agent White: Sir, could you please describe to Mr. Smith what your job is here?

Agent Orange: Indeed! I’m the head recruiter and trainer. I determine who enters training and then how best to systematically destroy them. We’ve reduced our mortality/psychosis rate to a historically low 6%!

Agent White: Mr. Smith, so far Agent Orange has broken six Navy SEALS, five Force Recons, ten Army Rangers and so many Special Agents we’ve stopped counting.

Gary Smith: But no accountants, I bet.

Agent Orange: …

Agent Orange: When are you available to start?

Arc: a plotline that spans across more than one comic and possibly more than one series.

CCA: Comic Codes Authority. The CCA was the comic book equivalent of the MPAA rating. The CCA is dead now– according to Stan Lee, Marvel wanted to run an anti-drugs comic book but the CCA wouldn’t offer its seal of approval to any comic books with any reference to drugs. Marvel published it anyway.

Captain Anti-America: used to negatively describe a series that has (allegedly) betrayed its original spirit. Stems from (mostly conservative) complaints about Captain America’s increasingly rocky relations with the American government.

Civil War: a Marvel arc that revolved around the US government trying to register superheroes. Most notable for (spoiler) killing Captain America and outing Spiderman.

Continuity: what has already happened in a character’s story. For example, in the standard Spiderman continuity, Norm Osborn is dead.

Retcon: When writers decide to change what has already happened or interpret what has already been portrayed in a different way. For example, at one point Peter Parker was a clone of Ben Riley. They retconned that out; Ben Riley is no longer a part of the Spiderman universe.

Crossover: A story where characters from one series meet with characters from another. “Crossover” is sometimes written as Xover or X-Over, but mercifully not on this website.

DC Comics: the second-largest comic book company. Best-known for Superman, Batman and the Justice League.

DC Implosion: the 1978 mass-cancellation of poorly performing DC comics.

Eight-Armed Spiderman: When comic book writers make a story that is seriously inconsistent with the spirit of a series. This refers to a bizarre plot-strand where Peter Parker grew eight arms, which doesn’t exactly fit with that whole guy-next-door thing.

Eras of Comic Books

Golden Age: Comics from June 1938 (Action #1) to the end of World War II. Superman iconized this era. The stories were usually morally simple and drew heavily on fascist enemies.

Pre-Silver Age: The period of comics between 1950 and 1956 (Showcase #4).

Silver Age: The period of comic books between 1956 (Showcase #4) to the early 1970s. Superhero origin stories became more scientific and the characters became more troubled and human. Spiderman exemplified this era.

Iron (Modern) Age: the period of comic books between 1986 (The Watchmen) to the present. The heroes are generally darker and more psychologically messed-up. The Watchmen symbolize this era.

Fifth-Week Events: comic books are usually released in four-week cycles. In months that have five weeks, comic book companies will sometimes sell unusual one-shots.

(Breaking the) Fourth Wall”: when a character acts like he knows the audience is watching. For example, in Austin Powers 2, Basil tells Austin Power not to worry about the details of time-travel. Then he turns to the camera and says “and that goes for you, too.” Characters can break the fourth wall without speaking at the audience, too. For example, characters in Superhero Nation are aware of the cliche that blacks are far more likely to get killed early.

Grease: Grease is the word. It’s got groove; it’s got meaning. Grease is the way we are feeling.

Jungle Girl: a female superhero usually from Africa or rain forests or (go figure!) a jungle. She usually wears an animal’s skin and little else.

Marvel Comics: the largest comic book company, best known for titles like Spiderman and the X-Men. Its style is somewhat more realistic than its competitors– its heroes generally have scientific origins (like a genetically modified spiderbite or a mutation). Its heroes also live and work in real-world cities, usually New York.

Origin (story): how the character got his superpowers, like a lab accident or mutation.

Out (or outing): when a superhero’s secret-identity is revealed. Someone can be outed to a close friend or family member, but usually “outing” refers to a public revelation.

Pod (person): a character whose persona jerks around after getting new writers. He acts very inconsistently with past portrayals of himself. (Comic book laymen should know that comic book fans are extremely concerned about continuity).

Posture: how the body is visually orientated on a page.

Retcon: when the writers of a comic book story change the history of their work.

Shared universe: when writers write stories that take place within the same universe. For example, if a Marvel character does something like destroy half of New York, that will affect every Marvel character.

Demanding story: when a particularly aspect of a shared universe tends to intrude on the other parts more than the other way around. In the Marvel universe, the X-Men are demanding.

Women in Refrigerators Syndrome: the death or injury of a female in a story about a male character. The name refers to a website that noticed that comic book writers disproportionately injure, kill or depower female characters.

]]> http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/28/comic-book-glossary/feed/ 0 http://www.superheronation.com/2007/12/31/quote-of-the-day-mike-catastrophe-part-4/ http://www.superheronation.com/2007/12/31/quote-of-the-day-mike-catastrophe-part-4/#comments Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:15:12 +0000 B. McKenzie http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2007/12/31/quote-of-the-day-mike-catastrophe-part-4/ Mike: You’re positive you’re not an alien?

Catastrophe: Do aliens frequently speak fluent English?

Mike: Decryption programs applied to radio transmissions can do surprising things.

Catastrophe: I was checking football club rankings when you found me. Unless aliens are frequently interested in football…

Mike: You’d be surprised. You follow football?

Catastrophe: Sometimes. There aren’t any good teams around here.

Mike: Name three.

Catastrophe: Good teams? Arsenal, Man U and Newcastle.

Mike: Please. If you ever need to make up sports teams in the future, I recommend going with animal names, not randomly selected adjectives and nouns. “New castle?” “Man you?” That doesn’t even make sense!

Catastrophe: …

Catastrophe: You don’t get out much, do you?

This is the final part of a four part series. You can see part 1 here.

Catastrophe: I’m a cartoon character.

Mike: That was easy, wasn’t it?

Catastrophe: …

Catastrophe: Wait. There are aliens on Earth?

Mike: Uhh… no?

This is part II of a four part conversation. You can see part 1 here or part 3 here.

The Annals of Crocodile Failures, 94^th Edition

Lions, buffaloes and crocodiles do battle for control of a Kenyan wildlife refuge. This film is rated PG… Pretty Gruesome. The crocodiles make their inglorious appearance at 3:30, but they’re so ineffective that the (mammalian) commentators only notice them at 3:38. Unless you enjoy watching lions play two crocodiles silly, I recommend skipping ahead to 4:30, which is when things get rowdy on the land. “They’ve got ‘em surrounded” (5:45). I also enjoyed the sudden appearance of Superlion– he flies– at 5:45.
6:30 is outlandish and further indicates how completely pathetic the crocodiles were in their brief appearance. Any creature that is unable to cripple a baby buffalo is hereby banished from the reptile class. Experts at Palomar University, one of the world’s leading reptological institutions, have found that:

The class Reptilia [Reptiles*] includes turtles, snakes, lizards, alligators**, and other large reptiles…

Let’s face it, crocodiles: even turtles and snakes*** count as reptiles. But not you*. (Don’t snicker too hard, mammals… the lions did not make a persuasive case for your phylum).

Not to fear, crocodiles: although you are no longer reptiles, you may technically qualify as amphibians****. However, both mammals and reptiles will remain ashamed to share a subphylum with you.

Tailnotes

*clarified for the benefit of crocodiles. Not that I think it will help.

**Unsurprisingly, saving the best for last. Incidentally, 99 % of reptologists agree that alligators > lizards > snakes > amoeba > crocodiles. As for the last 1%, if you are ever so horrifically unfortunate to find one of them, escape quickly. (Even if you’re a mammal—it’s not worth finding out if it can spread across species). Say whatever you need to. “I need to sharpen my claws (fingernails)” or “my scales (skin) require polishing.”

***Crocodile sympathizers may dispute that snakes are more worthy of the reptilian name than crocodiles. And we can speculate about the psychological disorders that might prod them to do so. But the fact remains that snakes can eat hippos (not for the squeamish). And, furthermore, snakes have their own baseball team, with which I am not familiar, and dominate a city with which I am.

****Assuming they’ll have you. Don’t hold your breath.

Mike: Hello.

Catastrophe: I’m reading.

Mike: This’ll only take a second.

Catastrophe: Time’s up.

Mike: …

Mike: Let’s say five minutes.

Catastrophe: That’s 30000% of your original request. Is talking with you really more important than the club rankings?

Mike: And considerably less likely to get you pushed down the stairs.

(This is part of a four part series). After 6:00 PM on 12/29, you can read part 2 here.

Additionally, the article has become more effective. I suspect that the new title retains readers that click the Google link more effectively. “Writing Male Characters” is very straight-forward and serious; “Helping Girls Write Guys” doesn’t sound nearly as helpful.

1. Before, the article bounced an unacceptably high ~60% of readers. That has dropped to 35%. My preliminary conclusion is that strong titles are critical to retaining readers.
2. Including readers that bounce after a very short amount of time, the average time spent on the article has increased from two minutes to three. Excluding relatively unpopular articles that are skewed by a few devoted readers (three people spent an average of 30 minutes on one of mine), only my review of Soon I Will Be Invincible and my article on naming characters retain readers longer. And my SIWBI review is 4000 words long.
3. With the exception of the main site at www.superheronation.com, more readers enter my site through this article than any other.