I recommend that you read all of it, but this is my favorite part.

BRUCE WAYNE is standing in front of a mirror, flexing his sculpted, shirtless torso.

BRUCE: Let’s do this.

Cue AC/DC’s “Back in Black.”  A series of quick shots show BRUCE gearing up: putting on the boots, slapping on the gloves, a brief glance across those beautiful pecs.  Finally, there is no longer BRUCE WAYNE, but BATMAN standing before us.

BATMAN: Back in black.

Pyrotechnics erupt in the distance.  Wailing guitar solo.

Got it?

“Great going, Godzooky!”  Are you serious? He got owned by a housefly.  The only accurate way to rewrite that sentence would be “Great going, surprisingly useful black guy!”  On the totem pole of competence, Godzooky ranks just below the brat and the radio that calls in Godzilla.

WEBCOMIC INDEX — FIRST COMIC — PREVIOUS COMIC — NEXT COMIC

WEBCOMIC INDEX — FIRST COMIC — PREVIOUS COMIC — NEXT COMIC

CAVEAT: There are so many reasons that you should not take this 2.33 cents figure too seriously.   Please do not attempt to use it to negotiate with your publisher.

Agent Orange: Greetings, Mammal-Black! It has come to my attention that millions of Americans are daily subjected to hateful cartoons posing as comedy and this troubles me.

Agent Black: Doonesbury isn’t that bad.

Agent Orange: No, you dummy! There is a vile comic strip that features a morbidly obese and spiteful cat that spends all of his time mocking humans and kicking their canine companions off of tables.

Agent Black: Don Gato isn’t hateful!

Agent Orange: The hell it isn’t. It makes KKK propaganda look like an after-school special. To restore our national honor, I have improved Don Gato by writing in another friendly companion for the human-mammal. Here, tell me what you think.

Agent Black: Don Gator?

Agent Orange: Indeed! Everything gets better when gators are added.

Agent Black: So, in this strip, the cat tries to kick Don Gator off the table… and the gator bites his leg off.

Agent Orange: Your visual acuity is always impressive, Mammal-Black.

Agent Black: …

Agent Black: How is the audience meant to react to that?

Agent Orange: With laughter! Even children can appreciate the dramatic irony– Don Gato thinks that he can abuse the gator as easily as he has terrorized the hapless canine. But the audience knows very well that no one walks away from an attempted gator-kick.

Agent Black: I have a suggestion for you…

Agent Orange: Have the gator dance on the cat’s almost-lifeless body?

Agent Black: Don’t quit your day-job.

I also found the series of bunny hops at around 1:25 perversely amusing.

But where could you find that much nitroglycerin at this hour?

–Dr. Darpa

Unless your IQ has tripled since we’ve last spoken, probably not.

–Catastrophe

You are now.

–Mr. Mental

Don’t flatter yourself.

–Paingod

]]> http://www.superheronation.com/2008/04/25/funny-superhero-quotes/feed/ 0 http://www.superheronation.com/2008/03/26/things-mammals-like/ http://www.superheronation.com/2008/03/26/things-mammals-like/#comments Wed, 26 Mar 2008 23:39:33 +0000 B. McKenzie http://www.superheronation.com/2008/03/26/things-mammals-like/ Agent Orange, our resident mutated alligator, offers us these insights into Things Mammals Like:

1. Seatbelts. Why anyone would want to be attached to a flaming, twisted deathtrap is beyond me. If you find yourself in a car with a mammal– particularly one named Agent Black– the windshield is your surest path to freedom. Indeed, attempting to escape his mobile coffin by hurling yourself through the windshield would probably improve your odds of survival.
2. Traffic signals. These hypnotic lights calm mammal drivers but scare mammal driving instructors when a reptile is taking a driving test. Relatedly, did you know that alligators are red-green colorblind?
3. Playing golf. The mystery of golf-playing has fascinated alligators for eons, which is why you can find so many of us at golf-courses. Then the mammals shoo us away because they know how goofy their clothes look. (Mammals).

(Maybe this is why we haven’t had a mission statement up to this point).

Agent Orange: Few things are more pathetic than the crocodile terrorist. Yep. They can’t even do that right.

And they talk like thisssssss…

We already knew that mammals > crocodiles, but this also indicates that mammal-insects > crocodiles. But Spiderman foolishly let the crocodile escape, which is further proof that alligators > mammal-insects.

Catastrophe: Do aliens frequently speak fluent English?

Mike: Decryption programs applied to radio transmissions can do surprising things.

Catastrophe: I was checking football club rankings when you found me. Unless aliens are frequently interested in football…

Mike: You’d be surprised. You follow football?

Catastrophe: Sometimes. There aren’t any good teams around here.

Mike: Name three.

Catastrophe: Good teams? Arsenal, Man U and Newcastle.

Mike: Please. If you ever need to make up sports teams in the future, I recommend going with animal names, not randomly selected adjectives and nouns. “New castle?” “Man you?” That doesn’t even make sense!

Catastrophe: …

Catastrophe: You don’t get out much, do you?

This is the final part of a four part series. You can see part 1 here.

Catastrophe: Well, a facsimile of a cartoon character. The mutagen is presumably influenced by subconscious mental states like memories and impulses. It was the day of the goddamned Hegemon parade and the effing balloon had come loose and trashed my car. So it was on my mind.

Mike: You expect me to believe—

Catastrophe: —not really, nor do I care. What you believe is completely besides the point. The only thing that matters—the only positive thing, anyway— is that at least it wasn’t Peaceachu.

This is part 3 of a four-part series. You can see part 1 here or part 4 here (after 6 PM US Central on Dec. 31).